Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a New Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: You've just been promoted to manager. Maybe it's a team of three, maybe it's a team of ten. You got the title, the raise, maybe even a corner of the office. And within weeks, you realize something terrifying — nobody taught you how to actually manage people. Luna: And yet, most companies just throw you in and hope you figure it out. I think the stats back that up — something like sixty percent of new managers fail within the first two years. Lucas: Exactly. That number comes from research by CEB, now part of Gartner. And the reason isn't that those managers were bad employees before. It's that being an individual contributor and being a manager are almost completely different skill sets. You go from doing the work yourself to getting work done through others. That shift is brutal. Luna: So where do you turn? You can't exactly ask your boss 'how do I manage?' without sounding like you're in over your head. Lucas: Right. And that's why mentorship is so critical for new managers — but not just any mentor. You actually need three different types of mentors in this phase. I've seen this framework from a leadership development firm called The Marcus Buckingham Company, and it really clicked for me. Luna: Three types? That sounds like a lot when you're already drowning in one-on-ones and performance reviews. Lucas: It sounds like a lot, but you don't need three formal monthly meetings. You need three different people who each fill a specific gap. The first is what I'd call a process mentor — someone who can teach you the mechanics of management. How to run a one-on-one, how to give feedback, how to delegate. This could be a senior manager in your company, or even an experienced peer. Luna: Right, the tactical stuff. I remember my first time managing someone, I had no idea how to structure a weekly check-in. I was just asking 'so, how's it going?' like we were at a coffee shop. Lucas: Exactly. And that's where a process mentor saves you weeks of trial and error. The second type is a political mentor — someone who understands the unwritten rules of your organization. Who to loop in on decisions, which projects get visibility, how to advocate for your team's budget. That person might be two levels above you, in a different department. Luna: That's the kind of mentor you can't really ask for directly. It feels like you're asking for insider information. Lucas: Which is why you don't ask for it that way. You ask for advice on a specific situation: 'I'm trying to get my team's project noticed by leadership. How would you approach that?' The third type is a personal mentor — someone who's been a manager for a while and can help you with the emotional side. The loneliness, the impostor syndrome, the fact that you now have to make decisions that affect people's livelihoods. Luna: I think that's the one most new managers overlook. They think they're supposed to have it all figured out, so they never admit they're struggling. Lucas: And that's exactly when burnout hits. So let's talk about how you actually find these people. Say you've just become a manager at a mid-size tech company, and you want a process mentor. One approach: look for someone in your company who's known for running great teams — maybe their team has low turnover, or they get mentioned in all-hands meetings. Then send a short, specific email. Luna: I'd love to hear what that email actually says. Lucas: Something like: 'I'm a new manager, and I'm trying to improve how I run one-on-ones. I've heard your team has a great rhythm. Would you be open to a fifteen-minute chat sometime next week? I'd love to hear what's worked for you.' That's it. Low commitment, specific ask, flattering without being weird. Luna: Fifteen minutes is key. Nobody's going to turn that down, and it often turns into longer conversations naturally. Lucas: Exactly. And if they say yes, you go in with three prepared questions. What's your one-on-one structure? How do you handle underperformance? What's one thing you wish you'd known as a new manager? Then you listen, take notes, and send a thank-you note afterward. Luna: And for the political mentor, do you approach them differently? Lucas: You do. You don't start with 'be my mentor.' You start by asking for input on a real decision you're facing. For example: 'I'm trying to decide whether to push back on a deadline from the VP of Product. How would you navigate that situation?' That shows you respect their judgment and you're not just fishing for general advice. Luna: It's also a way to test whether that person is actually willing to share that kind of insight before you invest more time. Lucas: Right. And for the personal mentor, you want someone who's been through it — ideally someone you already have a bit of trust with. Maybe a former boss, or a mentor from earlier in your career. You can be more direct: 'I'm hitting some unexpected challenges as a new manager. Would you be open to a monthly check-in for the next few months? I'd really value your perspective.' Luna: A lot of people shy away from asking for that kind of ongoing commitment, but honestly, senior people are usually flattered. They remember what it was like. Lucas: They do. And the research backs this up — a study from Sun Microsystems found that mentors were promoted six times more often than non-mentors. So it's not just altruism. Helping you helps them, too. Luna: That's a stat I hadn't heard. So everyone benefits. Lucas: Let's pause there for a second. You know, if this conversation has helped you think through your own next steps — whether you just became a manager or you're preparing for that transition — it's worth mentioning that we keep this show ad-free thanks to listeners like you. If today was worth the price of a coffee to you, you can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just a way to keep this going for people who find it useful. Luna: Yeah, and honestly, it's the small gestures that keep independent shows like this alive. So thank you to anyone who has already contributed. Lucas: Back to the three mentors. One thing I want to emphasize: you don't need to find all three at once. Start with the process mentor, because that's where you'll see the fastest wins. Once you're comfortable with the mechanics, then you look for the political mentor. And by the time you're six months in, you'll know if you need that personal mentor. Luna: That sequencing makes a lot of sense. I've seen new managers try to do everything at once and they just burn out. Lucas: Exactly. And there's one more thing that's often overlooked: you can also be a mentor while you're being mentored. Even as a new manager, you have experience that someone else needs. Maybe you're great at data analysis, or you know how to navigate a specific software tool. Offering to help someone else reinforces your own learning and builds your network. Luna: I love that. It also makes you more approachable — people see you as a giver, not just a taker. Lucas: Right. So to sum up: if you're a new manager, identify three mentor types — process, political, personal. Approach each with a specific, low-stakes ask. And remember that mentorship is a two-way street. Start with one, and build from there. Luna: And if you're listening and you've been a manager for a while, maybe think about who you could mentor. Those first ninety days can make or break someone's entire career. Lucas: Absolutely. Next episode, we're going to talk about how to find a mentor when you're the most senior person in the room — which is a whole different challenge. See you then.