Latest / Dear Chelsea / Swimming Naked with Elizabeth Olsen

Transcript

Swimming Naked with Elizabeth Olsen · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June, So go
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: get your tickets now. If you want to come see
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, dookey, Hi, Chelsea, how are you well? I am fresh.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: You know what I've done since we last spoke.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I went to Antarctica, then I went to Vegas, and
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: now I'm in New York.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: I am a globetrotter. You're all over the place. I mean,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: like more so than normal. I'm all over the shop.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: How was Antarctica? It was ridonculous.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: It was absolute mayhem. I have never been on a
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: trip that was so ridiculous.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: And it was like a conference.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: On psychedelics, so half the people were like researching psychedelics
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: and the other half of the people were doing psychedelics.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Let me guess which category you fell into. Yeah, well
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I was somewhere in the middle.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I had a blast.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I met so many fun people. I had an incredible time.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Antarctica was majestic and gorgeous, and I just.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Was blown away. It really was one of the best
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: trips of my life. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Now
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: did you see penguins?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, we were close up to the penguins. We
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: went kayaking next to whale humpback whales. They breached in
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: front of us. There was a polar prunge. But I
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: was a little bit sick that day because I had
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: a tricky night the night before we crossed Drake's Passage.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: How was it all going through Drake's Passage?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Crossing Drake's Passage was crazy? I brought my friend Christine.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I made some really cute friends.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I had a blast.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We had every element of an incredible It was like
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: adult camp.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: We would just run from one floor to the next
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: floor and then go knock on each other's cabins. There
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: was a lot of a lot of shenanigans, like a
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: very cold summer camp.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I loved it. Excellent. Oh and also I'll be on
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: the Today Show. I'm co hosting the Today Show tomorrow
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: with Jenna Bush, So anybody fantastic can watch us. Yeah,
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: I co host with her for an hour tomorrow.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: Well, we were a really exciting week this week because
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: we actually have two episodes coming out. Today and tomorrow
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: will have new episodes coming out. So our guest today,
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: if you want to tell everybody about that is very exciting.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Well, we have two from the same movie. Elizabeth Olsen
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: is today and tomorrow is Davine Joy Roundolph.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: We're releasing two episodes this week to promote their movie,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: which is called is Arnity. Okay, we're sitting here with Elizabeth. ALSOID,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited to talk to you. I watched Love
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: and Death. I don't know how many times I thought
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: your performance you and Lily Ravee together. That was Lily
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: rave yea your performance in that, because they did that
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: show before with some other kiddy. Yeah, I think Jessica Biale, right,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: your performance in that was earth shattering. You were so
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: fucking good. I couldn't stop watching your performance. And I'm
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: not some big ardent acting fan or something. I don't
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: even like. I just thought you were so every nuance
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: and the subtleties of like the way that you I
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: was like, I just couldn't wait to see you in
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: more stuffs.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: So it's so nice for you. Whenever I see your
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: name and something, I know it's going to be good.
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: That is so nice of you. I loved getting to
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: do that so much. I had so much the time
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: of my life playing that part. So it's really nice
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: when other people. I think you can tell if someone's
• 4:13
  Speaker 5: having fun with something. Baby, but she was just a
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: great character, and I felt like I could do no
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: wrong in her shoes and I and I just love
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: humor and drama, Like I just think there always needs
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: to be humor no matter how dramatic something is. And
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: I had so much fun with her, So it's good.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: That's based on a true story. A woman who murdered
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: her husband.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: For those of you haven't seen Love and Death, you
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: need to see it.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: It's on HBO Max. Oh thank you.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I forgot about that part. But it's based on
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: a true story. But it is the unraveling. It is
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: just the unraveling of a woman. And I mean, how
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: do you even like?
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: What? Did you?
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Are you a serious I mean you're a serious actress. Obviously,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: you remember you memorized your lines and go to work. Yes,
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: yes I do out of preparation. But would you consider
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: yourself a serious actress? Do you like? Are you very
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: serious when you are working? Yeah?
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: I'm very serious, but I'm very playful. I feel like
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: every year I've doubled down how much I love doing
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: my job. And I come from so many different types
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: of training that I went to and so many different
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: types of conservatories. And the fun part to me is
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: the preparation and the discoveries.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: That you have during that time.
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: But I don't take myself seriously, but I do take
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: everyone else showing up to work. I have to show
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: up also prepared, and that's a form of respect to
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: everyone else who's showing up to work, in my opinion,
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: and so I like setting a standard of you know,
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: hopefully people aren't like learning their lines on the day,
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: but you get to set a standard sometimes right that
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: way without like verbalizing it. And I think that's just
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: a form of respect for like everyone who shows up
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: to work.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's nice.
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So I guess I take myself seriously a little bit.
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: But I also don't take the job of being like
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: an actor very serious, right, like the other elements that
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: come with it, like what like like speaking as myself,
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: Like I don't want to be a spokesperson for anyone
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: or anything. No, I don't know how to do that.
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: I don't know how to do it well. I yet
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: nervous doing podcasts because they're long. Yeah, and I get
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: anxious that I'm going to say something that will then
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: I think is like great in the moment, and then
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: afterwards you're like, why why does everyone care that.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I think people should go to the movie theaters like
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I should, like I would. Why was I don't I
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: read that quote? Why was that? What was the issue
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: with that?
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: I don't know. It's just like how I conduct my
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: own business. It is like that I want to be
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: in movies that.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Are in theater. I'm not telling.
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: Anyone they have to go to the theater or I
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: think about.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: A problem with that in the first place, Like you
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: said go and go the people should go to the theater.
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: I didn't even say that. I said I only want
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: to do movies that are in theaters.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: That are not just for streaming.
• 6:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but extreamers are very important, are great, but they
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: then release it in another way, like that's an important
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: part of it because we don't have video I mean,
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: I go to video stories, but like most people don't,
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: so I'm not.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: It's just I always feel like I'm gonna say something
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: that I just I'm not even aware is going to
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: offend people.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: But also who gives a shit? I know I wish
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I but I feel like that's how you've lived.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: But that's but I think that just goes to show
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: you how silly it is.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean. You didn't say anything wrong.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with saying you wanted to be in
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: movies that are in theaters.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: What's wrong with that? That's what an actor wants.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: But that's good practice to remind yourself that when there
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: is backlash, it's usually it's so nothing.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: It means nothing.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, so you should be less worried about
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: what you're not saying anything wrong in the first place,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: you know, I get it.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: I mean you're pretty You're a private person.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: You're pretty private, right, you don't have like a big
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: public profile in terms of your personal life or at all. No, No,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: and I want to respect that for you during this interview.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Also because you're in a you don't have to talk
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: about anything you don't want to talk about.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: But I love this conversation because.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: So many people call in and we are women, so
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: this is how women deal with stuff. But it's like
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: we all have to say this over and over to ourselves.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Who gives a shit?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, until it breaks through and it is inside of us.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah you know, yeah, because it doesn't matter.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: I think that's why I've always been drawn to everything
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: you do is because it is because it really feels
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: like you don't give a shit, and you're also very
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: intelligent and very thing and you're also like you go
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: to the ends of things, like you have an interest
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: in something that small, and then you go to the
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: very ends of it and then you get to.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Let let us watch you explore it.
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: And I find that to be so satisfying as someone
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: who is a fearful person and like kind of scared
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: of everything.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Generally speaking, I am I'm one of six children, and
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I know you're one of six children.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: What number are you?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I'm four four, I'm number six out of six and
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: same parents, same parents.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: I know your parents.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: You have parents, six kids from just the first four
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: oh okay, okay, then different mother for the for the
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: second two okay.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so do.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: You think being number four out of six? So you're
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: a middle child but kind of a baby also a baby,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: So a middle child and a baby.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I really feel like the baby.
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: You feel like the baby because I have like ten
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: years okay, and yeah, of being because usually the babies
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: are rebellious, and yeah, that's fearful. Yeah, well I didn't
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: get that. Gee, I definitely I watched. I watched, I observed,
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: I decided what I wanted to do, what I didn't
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: want to do. I was very clever with my parents
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: about how they set precedence before me, and I held
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: them to those precedents. As an example, write your boyfriend's
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: house in high school?
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: How old were you when you were allowed to do that.
• 9:55
  Speaker 5: They well I wasn't, and I was. I was like, well,
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: I'm either going to lie to you and tell you
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: that I'm not, or you're gonna know where I am
• 10:03
  Speaker 5: and I'm going to tell you that I'm doing that,
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: and you're framing it's it's how I spoke to them
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: about underach drinking as well, Well, that's good. It's like
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: there's vodka in my room because when I go to parties,
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: I want to bring my own.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: That's nice. I'm smart.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't want to drink other things, and I yeah,
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: it first starts off as a fight, but then I
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: think I'm being really rational.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Well you are being rational, that's I mean, if you
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: frame it that way, as a child to the parent,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: what is a parent? It's so responsibility forward, right, So
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: you were rebellious though I was very rebellious. I'm still
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: very rebellious.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I have a problem with anyone telling me what to do, right.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: I don't like that, which is why I wouldn't be
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: great on a movie set. Because of all the things
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: that you mentioned about being prepared. I fly by the
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: seat of my pants. So if someone tells me to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: memorize something, I'm like, you mean like, I'll spit it
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: back out in my own verbiage is what I think,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: And they're like, no, no.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: These are the in the script.
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: And I'm like the most people pleaser of a person.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: When you go to acting school, because that's serious, you
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: know that could produce serious actors.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sure when.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: You go to like what are what is something that
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: you've learned or what are the things that you learn
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: in acting?
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: Because you know so many people go to.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: School and then they're in a profession that they went
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: to school for and they're like, I didn't need to
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: be sure, Like I didn't even need to get that training.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: So what are some of the tools that you have
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: acquired from acting class that you could share with us
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: that you still use.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Today so much?
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: Actually, tell me, I'm interested voice work where you place
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: where you place your voice depending on the character, depending
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: on the character's disposition, depending on like for Candy for instance,
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: and Love and Death, she it comes up in a
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: time where she's a very performative woman, So I use
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: like way more vocalizing of different registers and my voice
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: that were more feminine than what I naturally rest in.
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: And there's also like more of a sing song quality
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: because it's more pleasing as a woman in that time.
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: So those are the kinds of things that you would
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: start with. Then dialects you play around with script analysis
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: so that you're not repetitive in an arc like those
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: kinds of things.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I guess, wow.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: And so do you use a coach each time you
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: go on to a different project or you just do
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: this work on your own.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: It's a bit of both.
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: There's a dialect coach named Sarah Shepherd who I've been
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: working with for fifteen years, and she's also a great
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: script analysis partner, and so she and I sometimes have
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: discoveries together. It's amazing how much if you think about
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: you were just kind of joking about getting more in
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: touch with what did you say, not the natural world,
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: but you were talking about just getting in touch with
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: like the spirit the universe.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Align yourself with the universe. Yeah.
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: So I feel that way about when you're trying to
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: figure out how the character you're about to play, where
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: they hold their breath, how they breathe, how deep are
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: those breaths, where do they like hold their body tension.
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: I feel like there's so many realizations that you have
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: about people just in that kind of discovery that like
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: make you feel aligned with like their universe in some
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: like spiritual way. And I feel so much more comfortable
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: kind of exploring as these other people interacting in the world,
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: almost more so than myself at times.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about your movie Eternity.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Do you want to tell us how to because I
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: don't want to ruin anything by describing it myself.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Sure, try anything, I'll try something, Okay, you try.
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: Eternity is about an eighty nine year old woman who
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: dies and ends up in the afterlife. Eighty nine was
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: kind of a number I just chose. I don't actually
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: remember how old she is. But she dies, ends up
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: in the afterlife, and her husband, who died two weeks
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: before her, who's her husband for sixty five years, is
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: there waiting for her, along with her first husband who
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: died in the Korean War, and she has to choose
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: which husband she would like to spend eternity with. And
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: it's a struggle, and it's a very big struggle, because
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: do you choose the easy comfort that you know of
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: sixty five years or do you choose the path that
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: you never got to take, or do you choose something
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: that's neither. And the thing that I loved is imagining
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: this woman who I think when by the time you're
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: about ninety, I'm sure, like there aren't too many really
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: big decisions you have to make, Like you've kind of
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: made a lot of big decisions in the first half
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: of your life and not the second half of your life,
• 14:09
  Speaker 5: And how shocking it would be to have to and
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: how overwhelming it would be to have to make such
• 14:13
  Speaker 5: a big decision that's not menial tasks about like errands
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: and taxes or something, and yeah, yeah, this is like
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: the biggest, Like it would kill her all over again.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Does it makes you think?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: It's a very thought provoking movie because it really makes
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: you consider what you yourself would do in.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: That kind of situation.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Do First of all, do you believe in the afterlife?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Do you believe that there is one?
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Don't?
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: I I'm always wanting to hear about other people's experiences
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: with spirits, with aliens, with afterlife, with religions, I because
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: I find them to be so comforting and I would
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: love to be comforted myself. But I am not comforted.
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: I don't there's nothing that feels exactly like that I
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: can connect to. I guess, but I'm really happy for
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: other people having these thoughts and dreams, and.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I'm happy that other people are delusions. It's I think
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: there's an afterlife. It's really nice and cozy to think about.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I love exactly.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: It's a comfort to talk about it when people talk
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: about it, because obviously we're never going to fucking know
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: until we die, and we'll probably won't find out then either.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: No, but.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: It is comforting to think that something does happen after
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: But where I lose it is like I believe an energy,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: and I believe.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: That energy doesn't die.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Right, So if you've met someone there in your heart forever,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: whether they're here they're not, I believe in that.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: That's science, right.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And we have a Psycha coming on the show in
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: a few weeks, so I would just read her book,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: and she talks about all these people who have, you know,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: near life or past death experiences, or people who talk
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: to you from sure from like if I asked my
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: mom to show me an orange out of place, my
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: mom's dead. If I ask her to show me an
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: orange out of place, I'll see it within twenty four hours,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: an oversized orange that's not in a grocery store, right, like,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: so I get that every time, but you could.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: It's when people start.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Talking about reincarnation that I they lose me because I'm
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: like that that involves magic, that involves that.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Then we're putting a little potion. You dying and then.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, and then you're gonna come back as this dog
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: or this other person. Like when people talk about past lives.
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: Did you ever see Glazer's film Birth with Nicole Kidman
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: where her dead husband comes back as this little boy.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I remember it because of her hand cut in it. Yeah,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: she had a pixie. What's it? What's it called birth
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: of birth? Right now? Is it called birth? That's called birth?
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: How did I miss that?
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: It's from I don't know, Yeah, two thousand or night. Yeah,
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: two thousand's early two thousands.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Maybe, And so her husband's reincarnated and then the little.
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: Boy and it's very I mean it's she falls in
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: for this little boy. Nicole Kidman a grown woman, Yeah,
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: debating whether or no that's not the first time for her.
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: She's always with little boys. Now remember last year that
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: was two years ago.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: It's like a seven year old.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: In one of those books and many many lives, many masters,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: is that the book have you ever read that book? Okay,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Many Lives, Many Masters opens with this story about correct
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: me if I'm saying the wrong book I think I'm saying.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Oh is a story about it opens with a story
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: about this boy who speaks a foreign language that his
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: parents have never spoken to him. He's like three or
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: four years old, and he talks about having a wife
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: and children in another country and I think it's Italy
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: or Spain. He speaks fluent in Italian or Spanish, whichever
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: the country is. And he talks about his wife, and
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: he talks about the village he lives in. And finally
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: the parents, after a certain amount of time, go and
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: research it and they find this woman who has two
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: small children and lost her husband. And he's like, I'm
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: her husband. So like do you hear stuff like that?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: And you're like, oh, yeah, that is inexplicable. It is inexplicable,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: but also involves a lot of fairy dustin magic, like
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: the magic part and the reincarnation.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I just find that to be Do you believe in that?
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I like the idea, I know you don't.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I mean I also like the idea of her going
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: to heaven and you know, and there's elevators and people
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: are working, you know what I mean in this movie like.
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: But it's also our movies that kind of nihilistic in
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: the sense that it's like just like cell cell sell
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: after it's just like a capitalist afterlife that has like
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: belief in nothing.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: It's and there are different versions of heaven, right, yeah,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: describe you can say that partly.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a Yeah, there's a lot of different eternities
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: that you can choose, and some of them are like
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: the workout world, or there's the there's the attorney where
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: you can be infantilized for the rest of your life
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: and pretend to be a baby and have a mommy,
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: And there's that kind of world. There is queer World,
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: there's World, then World. There was a studio Studio fifty four.
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: Is that what it was called World where people could
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: just do cocaine and not die. Smoke smokes smoke and
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: you'll never die again.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I got it.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that sounds like they would have a casino also,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: you can get along well there.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you love casinos? I hate casino? Okay, No,
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: I have a residency in Vegas.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I perform once a month because that's about as much
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: as I like to work and not excluding present company
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: excluded obviously, but I I don't like the vibe.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: It makes me uneasy. I had to say, I spent
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: the day in.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Vegas this last time I was there because we went
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: to see a Lotus the next night. Yeah, and spending
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: the day in Vegas makes me uneasy.
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I don't like to be there when the lights are
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: like when it's light out.
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: I've only been one. I don't remember sleeping. How have
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: you avoided Vegas this your entire life? I mean one's
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: asked me to do like a one woman show there.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: But don't you have to do like press ever in Vegas?
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: Like what about you've never done cinema con or anything
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: or a bout?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: No? No, luckily no.
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: I have very few married friends really, and if they're married,
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: I met them married.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. What about astrology? What do you think? What are
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: your thoughts on a ology?
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: So a few of them, So I think a lot
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: of them sound all of the signs sound like I
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: could have a piece of myself align with each of them.
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: Yet someone Patty who is with me today, who does makeup.
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: She had a friend of hers who reads charts from Iceland.
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: Just I sent her all the information where you're born,
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: what time of day, your birthday.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I think that's kind of all you need for richart.
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: And she had said something to me that brought me
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: to tears. It was so spooky, and she had made
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: this like thirteen minute voice message. And I journal every
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: morning for the most part, and I've been doing that
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: for a few years, and it's kind of where I
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: have my own realizations about where I am in my
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: psyche and my mental health. And I was having this
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: realization a week before listening to this, where I realized,
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: I just need to travel more. I am so fulfilled
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: by traveling, and being in one place has never made
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: me comfortable. I always want to be on the go.
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: And I had that realization, and then she took like
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: two minutes to tell me how important travel is for
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: my birth sign.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Just days later, when is your birthday? February sixteenth? Okay,
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: I'm February twenty fifth. Oh interesting, you're pissy, but you're curious. Curious.
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, So that moved me, Like, so I do
• 21:26
  Speaker 5: believe there's something to it.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I think there's definitely something about that when you were born,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: what was going on with the planets when you were
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: born like that kind of Estereian astrology is when they
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I think it's probably what you did, because I've done
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: something similar to that.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I think that's pretty like.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I don't like it when it's a predictor of the future,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: like I find I don't want to be nonsense. I
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: also don't want to know, and yeah, of course, but
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: what you're yeah right, I don't want to know either,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: really because then I'm going to make decisions that are
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: affected by you just saying that sentence to me, and.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: I can't inher it now.
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: It's like a friend of mine, she I think went
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: to the same mysterious astrologer.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: That you use. J. Yes, but she Jade the woman
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: in the valley. It's a guy Ja.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: But she was told by him at some point in
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: your life, you're gonna break both of your ankles. So
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: she like, there's two ways you can go with this
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: right the same time, we don't know. So her reaction was, well,
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: I can't do anything. I can't roller blade or rollerskate,
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: can do anything dangerous. I just have to be careful,
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: so I don't. But he said you're going to so
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: in my mind that means go ahead and do whatever
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: you want, it's gonna happen one way or.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: The other and get it over with.
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: And well, she hasn't done it yet, she hasn't broken
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: her ankle, so she's just a fraid really to tell somebody.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: It's like, why don't want you just leave that part out?
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Who wants to knock about that?
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: Also, like, now she's gonna not do so many things
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: that could create joy in her.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: So wait, talk to me about journaling. How did you
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: get into the practice of journaling.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: I don't remember where it started. I think I like writing. Yeah,
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: you handwrite in your journal?
• 23:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: Is that how you do it? Yeah? You think that's
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: more impactful than writing, like typing it in.
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: I think there's something that happens when you slow down
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: your brain to write out a word slower than you
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: could type it that I think helps you have new thoughts,
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: Like you're not ahead of it, you have to be slower.
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: And so it helps me like slow down how fast
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: my brain is moving. And sometimes it doesn't work and
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: it's completely scattered thoughts. But I started doing it.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: I just started doing it every morning three years ago,
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: along with jumping naked into my pool and do that
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: every morning.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: I yeah, I do. Oh my god, I love this.
• 23:39
  Speaker 5: It's just yeah, I don't hate it. Sometimes it's not
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: that hole. But I love swimming naked so much. And
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: I know you love taking pictures of yourself.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Yes, I love to be naked. I mean I like underwear.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: I'm bra on. Yeah, I don't like to be full.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't have a problem with nudity, but
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I yeah, I just want to be in my.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Broad enderwearl all the time. I want to be naked
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: in water all the time. What naked a wonder is
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: a nice feeling.
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: Absolutely yeah, and smooving through it. I don't want to
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: just like sit in a cold plunch.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I want to move through. So do you swim every
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: morning or you just jump in just for like three
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: to five minutes. I just slowly swim.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: So which order do these things happen? And do you
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: journal first or you get in the pool?
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I get in the pool first.
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: What's the very first thing that happens when you wake up?
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: Did you brush your teeth first? I brush my teeth.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: I make coffee while it's being made. I jump in
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: the pool. I do like a eighty year old calesthetics afterwards,
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: I don't warm up my body and mobilize and stretching
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: a blood flow, and then I journal with coffee.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: And I do a version of this even when I'm working.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: That's amazing.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: But it usually involves a baptob that I don't swim in,
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: but sometimes I'll still do the water part.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And how long will you journal for each morning?
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: It depends.
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: I try and get myself ten minutes minimum.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: And what do you think that's brought to your life
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: that you didn't have before?
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: Enough like self reflection that I think it's been helpful
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: problem solving, It's been helpful making plans, It's been like
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: for what I want or what I think I need.
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: It's been helpful creating a like trying to understand something
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: that had happened or something that's happened to someone else
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: and why they respond in certain ways.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: So I think it helps.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: It's it's to me a version of meditation and therapy
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: without while like trusting your own instincts in some way.
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: But I'm so therapy as a person.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: You seem very together.
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: I spent so much time in talk therapy, and I
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: started doing a new therapy that I've become obsessed with
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: what is this called somatic therapy?
• 25:39
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, therapist.
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: And I'm really it's I'm brand new. It's like truly
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: only a month of a new thing. Yeah, so how
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: does it work? Can you talk about it?
• 25:49
  Speaker 6: Sure?
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: I mean I'm not going to do it well, like
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: I'm not, I just because it's so new to me.
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: So maybe you can help me.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: But I was surprised to theist, No, you do it.
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean there are certain you know, exercises, you
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: can do, mindfulness that, yeah, these sorts of things. But
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: at the same time, it kind of just feels like
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: regular therapy. But when I started it, I found I
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: had a real purge for like every time I talked
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: to my therapist. It was like like purging, weeping, like
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: every single time for like six months.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Because somatic means your body, right, your somaticas.
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and so what's happening right now at least what
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: I'm experiencing is they listen to whatever you want to
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: speak about that day, maybe for like fifteen twenty minutes
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: until something and you is changing that you're having a
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: physical response to, and then they want to talk about
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: that physical response and basically give you tools and exercises
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: that help your physical response that is connected to your brain,
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: so that you can at least help yourself have similar
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: Like if there's something in a relationship that comes up
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: and that makes you feel a certain way, whether it's
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: like rage or overwhelmed, you talk about it and then
• 26:55
  Speaker 5: you work on an exercise that helps try and rewire
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: your your brain's response that gives you the message to
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: your body. Yeah, like sooth system. Oh, it's very activated.
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: So it's not just talking like you're doing. You're doing,
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: you're interacting right with tools.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know what EMDR is? That's the tool?
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, because it sounds like em DR a little
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: bit where I haven't done that yet.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: You change your reaction to something. It's like what you're saying,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: and like if you have a traumatic memory, you go
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: back to that memory while you're holding these kind of instruments.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: I don't really like vibration.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't done a frame the way that you
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: react to that response. So that's in the neighborhood of
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, that. Yeah, you seem
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: very together and grounded. You seem very together.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: Well I'm okay, I'm doing just fine.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Would people would all the people that are closest to
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: you in your life describe you as together.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they would.
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: I I think the thing that I'm trying really to
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: explore now and work is like a why ildness because
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: I think I need that, especially as I get older.
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: I think you become like more I do, at least
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: become almost like more responsible, and I kind of want
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: to have fewer responsibilities and.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Be a little bit wilder.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: And I can do that in in a way with work. Yeah,
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: and like find an edge that I that I want
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: in my life.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I want to see you do that on screen. Yeah,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: I like it. I would love that.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you are like that as an actress,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: you kind of you could see that you're not you're
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: you're acting like you know what I mean.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: And I mean that in the best way. I like
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: watching people act.
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So it's fun to me to get to like
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: act instead of just be a version of my just
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: like a version of myself and like be cool or something,
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: because I don't know how to be cool. But some
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: people are really good at it, you know, and are
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: really charming just being themselves. And I much rather like
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: invent something else.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: That's a sign of an actor. We're going to take
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: a break and we'll be right back with Elizabeth Olsen.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Elizabeth Olson, and we're back.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Do you go by, Lizzie?
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: I do?
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, Lizzie Lissen Okay, okay, Catherine. What do we
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: have in store for us today? Well, we're gonna start
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: with Dustin.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: His subject line is gunkle with mean girl nieces Wait, gunkle, gunkle,
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: gay uncle gunkle. So he says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: longtime fan and I was actually born on your tenth birthday.
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: Did you wish for more gaze?
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: He says. Probably.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: On your show with Sasha Mammtt, you mentioned that there
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: is nothing worse than girls who become bullies.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: My nibblings.
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: My brother's kids are being raised to want for nothing,
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: whereas we came from a frugal Jewish household. Not only
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: does this make it impossible for me to spoil them myself,
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: but the eldest literally dressed as a mean girl for Halloween.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: She's only eleven, but she's already a stunning natural blonde.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: So it's clear as vodka that she's going to be
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: that popular girl and gonna be trouble.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: I love these kids with all my heart.
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: And simply want them to be the beautiful human beings
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: I know they can be as the childless by choice. Uncle,
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: Do I keep my mouth shut or try to push
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: this more? I don't get that much quality time with
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: my family, so I try to be easygoing and conflict
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: avoidant when I'm around them because I'm a middle child.
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: I know you're equally obsessed with your nieces and nephews.
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: What should I do best? Dustin m about him?
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Here? Hid Hi? How are you? This is our special guest,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: Elizabeth Olson is here today. Hey Elizabeth, Hi, Hi, Hi
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: are you? Are you?
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: You have nieces and nephews? I do, they're very very little,
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: though they're very little. Yeah, but I also I don't know.
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: I I'm really scared of conflict of conflict myself as well.
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: But I also don't know how to give other people
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: advice on parenting if they're not your kids or like, like,
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: you can only just I don't know. So that's kind
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: of that's kind of the first thing that I was
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: thinking about.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty tricky even though you are at uncle, like,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: you know, you can only really talk to your is
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: it your sister or your brother.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: It's my brother, I mean, can.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: You can't you have an honest conversation with him about
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: because like bullies have been bullied. Someone bullied her right like,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: and it's an important conversation to have with young girls.
• 31:05
  Speaker 6: And she literally went as a mean girl for Halloween
• 31:06
  Speaker 6: because I feel like she emulates and like idolizes that.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Uh huh, well, I think okay, first of all, I mean,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: would you feel comfortable having a conversation with your brother
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: about it? So you should do that first. Just be like,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: we can't have her grow up to be a mean girl.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: So as a team, this is a team effort, you
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. You join forces and you're like, okay, listen,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: let's do this together. Because I don't want you know,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: she dressed up as a mean girl. That's a little
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: bit of a red flag blah blah blah, Like we
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: don't want her to look at that as a guide
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: for anything. And then the other thing that you can
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: do is demonstrate how cool it is to be a
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: nice girl. Like you can be blowing those you know
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: what I mean, You can be talking about women who
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: are supportive of other women, and you can instill that
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: in your time with her without being preachy about it,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, just by talking about other
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: women and women helping each other, and like, you know,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: nobody wants to be excluded, nobody wants to be left out,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: like all of those themes are. I mean, that's what
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: uncles are for, you know, That's what an aunt and
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: uncle role is.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: It's not like it's someone else's kid. You are related
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: to her.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: They're not necessarily going to say you know, I mean,
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: it is a little preemptive what you're talking about, But
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I understand what you mean, and I think you just
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: have more conversations around it. You know how important is
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: to be a nice person to other people, to care
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: about other people and putting yourselves in those situations, because
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: sometimes when you are growing up and you are young,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: you are just like you're looking to the future, as
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: like you're not even understanding the experience you're in. You're
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: looking forward so much to what is going to be
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: right and actually taking the time as a kid to
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: think about other people and how it makes, how things
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: make people feel, and when her feelings get hurt, to
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: also take those moments, you know what I mean. As
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: a teaching moment to explain to her, you know, to
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: remind her, because nobody wants to feel excluded or left
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: out or bullied like that.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: So I don't know if any of that's helpful.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like you should just start having the conversations
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: around it.
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: I think, so, well, now I'm going to have to
• 33:05
  Speaker 6: because they're going to hear about this podcast.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: So yeah.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: I also think like you're the cool uncle, so they're
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: naturally going to gravitate towards you. Want to know what
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: your opinions are on things. And what I like to
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: do in these sorts of situations is like have one
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: on one conversations with the kids and like what's going on,
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: Like what's happening in the friend group, Like what's the
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: goss right now, and like act like you're very interested
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: in it because it is kind of interesting and it's
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: all sort of high school or you know, junior high
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: at that age. But when they start telling you about
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: specific situations, that's where you can kind of get into
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: the nitty gritty. Like I had a niece who was saying, like, oh,
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: this one girl in the friend group said something means
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: we're all ganging up on her on Snapchat and I
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: was like, well, you know, we had a conversation about it,
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: and I think she made some different choices because we
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: talked about it. But it wasn't in the sort of
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: schooling way. It was like, oh, tell me what's going on,
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Like what's the goss girl?
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: I think it's really helpful with what you said that
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: I'm still learning with people in my own life. Is
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: better grown adults, like trying not to just focus on
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: what maybe you shouldn't be doing, but highlighting the examples,
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: like you're saying of the role like this, this is
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: an example of something positive and showcasing that as opposed
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: to what not to do.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, and sometimes people need to learn like the framework matters.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: Always applauding the people that are doing the way you
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: want her to behave, like whether it's Taylor Swift and
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: all the wonderful things she does, I mean with her money,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: or whether it's an actual person that you see doing
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: something nice for another person and pointing it.
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: Out like he was obsessed with Taylor Swift and is
• 34:33
  Speaker 6: listening after her.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: So I think that's a great model. And also like
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: it's also a warning shot.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: It's like be careful who you're you know, who you're
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: not nice to because you never know when you're gonna
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: run into that person again in your life, and you're
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: never gonna know if they're going to have an opportunity
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: to help you once or you might need something from
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: that person. Like some people's brains work better like with
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: almost like a threat.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: To you know what I mean?
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: Because what's that saying in a Hollywood like being nice
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: to the people on your way up because you're going
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: to need them on your way down something like that, right, Like,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: it's true, you you be careful. You never know how
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: people are going to come in and out of your
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: life or when you're gonna need a favor from someone.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: So there's also that tactic if it depending on what
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: her personality is like.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: So those are a couple of ideas.
• 35:19
  Speaker 6: Anyway, we're still learning what the personality is. But she's
• 35:21
  Speaker 6: definitely super precocious and outgoing.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Good for you for having your eye on it.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: Precocious and outgoing is all fine, It's all fine, you know,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: Like that's good and those things that can end up
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: as strong, strong assets and will, but definitely be active
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, all right, will you follow up with us
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: if you have a little conversation and get some podcasts
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: about what's happening with the eleven year olds.
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: I will I'll let you all know how they respond
• 35:46
  Speaker 6: to this.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Thanks Dusted, Thanks dust I was Were you bullied ever
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: growing up at school?
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: No?
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: My husband hates me talking about my elementary school experience
• 35:58
  Speaker 5: because I had just the loveliest high school elementary school.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, there were definitely like we for the
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: most part, all got along. And there are probably a
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: few people who don't feel that way, but out of
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: fifty people and then one hundred and twenty people that graduate,
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: we all cared a lot about having a cumulative high GPA,
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: and we cared about supporting the basketball team and the
• 36:22
  Speaker 5: basketball support of the arts, and it was a very
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: yeah liked. We would go to rehearsal and then we'd
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: go to the basketball game, the basketball players would go
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: watch all of our beallet performances or whatever it was.
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: There's community again, yeah and so and so I just
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: had a really positive experience.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: That's amazing, And so let's talk about why that is
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: important community right now in this time that we're living
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: in with regards to America, I don't know if that's
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: what you were talking about politics.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: I feel this way about the political situation.
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: For me, it's about actually the things that we have
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: in common that aren't politics, right, like a bunch of
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: people going to their local feater to watch a bunch
• 36:58
  Speaker 5: of kids perform, and like a Halloween show or Christmas show,
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: like my friends and Snowma. I live there part time.
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: It's like my way of having a life that feels
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: like it's part of a community. It's very it's very
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: community oriented. Being a second homeowner there was very hard
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: to kind of slip in and be and ingratiate yourselves
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: with the community. So we started off like bartering and trading,
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: like genuinely, we're like we have grapes. Who wants them?
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: We don't want them, We don't want to do anything
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: with them. Who can, Like, we will trade with you.
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: You guys have it and then be our friend. And
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: our friends have like a movie night once a month
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: that they carried at the Square Theater that's a private theater,
• 37:35
  Speaker 5: and those kinds of things I just think are really
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: important for people to get together and have something else
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: in common, whether it's but I also feel the same
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: way about sports. I'm a big Dodgers fan. I can't
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: say I'm a big baseball fan, but I think I
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: am because of how much I love the Dodgers.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: Congratulations and winning the World Series. Thanks. I love those
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: boys so much.
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: And some of them are men, but a lot of
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: them are boys, and I'm so happy for them.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: It was very surprised.
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: I just think when you you just don't know what
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: people's political points of views are, when everyone has this
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: other thing in common, yes, that brings them together.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: Meaning are you referencing the Dodgers. Yeah, I see what
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: you're saying. Yes, Yeah, I think it's really important too,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: because we're so right now.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: It's it's really hard to not label people. You know,
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: you want to label people.
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: Well, so people are choosing to label themselves a lot
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: of the time, yes, right, right. We have like a
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: lot of identifiers now, uh huh, and they just become
• 38:27
  Speaker 5: more specific.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it is important for us to remember that.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Like, I really need to find ways, I know, personally,
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I need to find ways to be more open minded
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: about about not being so preoccupied with the political landscape
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: and more focused on the individual person.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have work to do on that.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Like, I love what you're saying about it's funny when
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: you say about community, Like that's how I felt when
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: I was in Spain, Like there's a community there. I'm
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: not even really part of it, but there is a
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: community there. It's the same guy at the coffee store
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: every morning, it's the same guy at the bike shop.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: And it's like, and so when I was reading something
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: you were talking about before you came in, and I
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, we need a community reminder, we need
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: like a community update, you know.
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: And we can't do it from our phones. Yeah, Like
• 39:11
  Speaker 5: that's creating siloed experiences, not actual interaction.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Right, Right.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: You need to be in person with people doing something
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: that is absent of politics.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: So getting back on a more human level.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: And I think people just have more rituals in other
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: countries than we do around that, especially in.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Person in rituals.
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we were talking a little while back about the
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: third space. How we used to have, you know, the
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: local bar you'd go to or the moose lodge or
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: what church, and people would meet in these communal spaces
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: that we're not work and we're not home, and we.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: Just don't really have that anymore.
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: And suddenly it's like online is the third space, but
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: it's not actually like it can't actually be our third space.
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: But it's the place where a lot of people are
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: spending most of their social time.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and it's not effective, it's not healing, unhealthy.
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Our next caller is Amy Dear Chelsea.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: I'm a forty one year old single mom of two
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: running my own business, juggling kids, pets, a mortgage, and
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: about a thousand responsibilities.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: I've been divorced for over a.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: Decade, tried just about everything in the dating world, apps,
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: speed dating, matchmakers, even if you ill advised trips back
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: to ex's, and I've been truly single for the past
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: two years, partly because the apps are stupid and exhausting,
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: partly because my kids are in every sport known to humankind,
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: and partly because I lost faith in men, especially with
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: the current political climate.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: Here's the thing. I want connection.
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: I want a partner, someone to share the joy and
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: the way of this full, messy, beautiful life with someone
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: who makes me feel cared for, loved and special. But
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: dating feels daunting. My small town is a red pocket
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: in a blue state, the kind of place where you
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: find guys holding a fish in their profile picks, and
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: you only get five matches if you want someone educated
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: as a Japanese woman with a unique name and a
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: career that requires some privacy. Putting myself fully out there
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: online feels complicated and uncomfortable. So how do I start fresh?
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: Do I travel to meet people? Am I overlooking ways
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: to connect and meet people? Or should I just lean
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: into the single life and adopt more dogs. I do
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: want to be surrounded by animals when I retire, so
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: maybe start now.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: Amy. Hi, Hi, hi cutie. This is our special guest,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: Elizabeth Olson's here today.
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: Nice to meet you, me too.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Well, it sounds where do you live.
• 41:24
  Speaker 7: I live in southern Oregon, just across the kind of
• 41:27
  Speaker 7: the border of California.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, listen, the world we live in. You
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: do kind of have to put yourself out in ways
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: that are not normal, you know what I mean? Put
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: yourself out there if you are interested in meeting someone.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: First of all, I would say, like, I understand your
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: disappointment and men. Most women are disappointed in men these days.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: It's not unusual. You're not alone Like I can't. I
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: can't even believe men, you know what I mean? I
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: am just so I'm an advocate for like remaining true
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: to myself first and foremost. If someone were to come
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: along and blow my socks off, absolutely I'm down, but
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, actively looking for it. But I
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: think if you really are, then you should own it,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: and you should put yourself on the apps and you
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: should go outside of your comfort zone and the out
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: of your community and just find any ways that you can,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: like hiking groups, biking groups, tennis groups, whatever those, you know,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: whatever you're into, just engage yourself and like set a
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: period of time to actually activate yourself to go Okay,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: for the next six months, I'm going to focus on
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: finding somebody that I can connect with, you know, like
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: really put all your energy towards it, your free energy,
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: because it sounds like you have a lot going on,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: but your free energy towards it, you know, and travel
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: get out of there.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: How are you far from Portland?
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: No, it's about like four foo and a half hour drive.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, go there for a weekend and sign up for
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: things that are going to be like intersex, you know
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: what I mean, where there's like like my friend she
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: just got divorced, and she went on all the apps
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: and she loved it.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: She's like, oh my god, this is so exciting. This
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: is so exciting.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: And then she just joined a bunch and she lives
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: in Portland actually, and she joined a hiking group and
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: the next two weeks later she was like dating this guy.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: She's like, oh yeah, we're dating.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: So like things like that where you are forced to
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: meet and engage new people because you'll probably meet some
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: really cool friends too, you know. So I would just
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: say to you know, I don't have anything any problem
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: with the apps. I just feel like I can be
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: daunting for a single person to be on apps. It's
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: kind of depressing, you know. I know what you mean
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: about men holding fish, Like I don't know. I don't
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: know who told men to do that, Like why are
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: they holding a fish in their profile?
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: How many women want to go fishing? Not a lot
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: of them in the bathroom. Would you love to go fishing?
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Taking prefences? Oh my god, Oh my god? She do
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: you she's already married, so we can't set her up
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: with a fishermen.
• 43:47
  Speaker 7: Yes, well, and I with my kids already, so you know,
• 43:52
  Speaker 7: I do think for my kids.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: But do I really want to do that when I'm.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: Not really No, but I do think, like I think
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: it's important when you want something in your life to
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: say it, write it down, like you want to change
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: the energy around it, you know, like the subject matter
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: you want to meet someone, write down exactly what you
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: want in them, not physical necessarily, but what are you
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: looking for in a partner?
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: What are you looking for in connection?
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: And really reminding yourself spending time with those thoughts a
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: little bit every morning when you wake up, whether it's
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: journaling or just writing some affirmations, or devote some area
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: of your life to putting energy towards meeting somebody, and
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: see what happens in about six months, because I mean,
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: this is the first step you called in to see
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: about this, And like, I think things change and your
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: energy changes up when you start to take active steps
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: towards something you know exactly.
• 44:47
  Speaker 7: Yes, yeah, And I like the you said put a
• 44:51
  Speaker 7: timeframe on it, because it is daunting to be just
• 44:54
  Speaker 7: out there no full the foreseeable future. But if I
• 44:58
  Speaker 7: say six months, I'm going to prioritize this. That feels
• 45:01
  Speaker 7: more doable and not like a hopeless amount of time. Right,
• 45:06
  Speaker 7: Because when you don't meet somebody, or when you go
• 45:08
  Speaker 7: on horrible dates, It's like, what am I doing?
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: I could have stayed home with my dog.
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, I mean I've just been learning to enjoy my
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: company more and more and more as I get older.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I really have a good time with myself. And I'm
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: sure you feel the same way. So it's great that
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: you have that. You know that that's an option too,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: because if you put some if in six months you
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: have not met anyone worthwhile, then you can really just
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: start focused on being by yourself, you know what I mean.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: You can be like, Okay, I made an effort and
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: that and I did, I tried, and then see what happens,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: you know, and.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Get another dog. If I don't meet.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: Anybody, I think that's your reward. That's the answer really
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: for everything, is just to get another dog.
• 45:51
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, but I'm glad you have a good attitude
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: about it, and then you have a good attitude in general,
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: like you know, that's fun.
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: Thank you?
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally all right. Well thanks for calling in Amy, thank.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: You, thank you for having me.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: Bye bye bye.
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: Guys are so good at this. Oh god, I love
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: watching you do this live. Wow really yeah, oh my god,
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: thank you.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so quickly and so easily.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Well, most people don't you think about this? This is
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: how I think about this podcast. And I say it
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: all the time. Sorry if you're listening to me and
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: repeating myself as usual. But I think really all you
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: ever need when you have a situation is you need
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: someone who has nothing at stake in your life to
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: give you their opinion, like objectively. Yeah, and that's what
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: this is, you know, you just need someone else's opinion.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:39
  Speaker 5: They don't need to know any other details. They don't
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: even know about your past. They just need to know
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: about what is this situation specific? Right, what's the context
• 46:47
  Speaker 5: of the situation. But I would never think about joining
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: groups like a biking group or a hiking group, whatever
• 46:53
  Speaker 5: it is. I just think that's such great advice for
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: people to go and meet people in person instead of
• 46:58
  Speaker 5: it feeling like so like this thing that that's so
• 47:01
  Speaker 5: removed from them on their phone.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: I heard this thing the other day. With the apps.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: It's like, of course, the apps are a business.
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: They're meant to keep you on the apps, not necessarily
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: to help you find the person. And I read recently
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: they're they basically like siphon off the good peoples they're
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: showing you kind of the crappy the crappy ones, so
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: you stay on it for longer.
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: Well, and I had a friend that told me that
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: you can pay to be put in front of people.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: But then you're like, is she desert because she's paying
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: to be put in front of people?
• 47:31
  Speaker 5: Yes? She was explaining this to me, like about how
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: it's such a business basically, and how fucked it is.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Yes. Aren't you happy you don't have to deal with this? Yeah?
• 47:40
  Speaker 5: I I don't. I don't know if I would be.
• 47:43
  Speaker 5: I don't know how to do now. I do enjoy
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: being on other friends apps, but I do. Sure, I
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: find it kind of entertaining, but that's because I'm so
• 47:50
  Speaker 5: removed from it.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: I like to go through my sisters, you know, and
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: just respond to her from her to other people, I love.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: You or I love that.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: It's so I'm so much more invested when it's someone
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: else rather than myself.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Sure, are we going to take a break and come
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: back in? Yeah?
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, we'll take another breakup. We'd be right back
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: to wrap up with a Lizzie olcind We're back with Lizzielsin.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: Do we have one last question?
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 48:16
  Speaker 4: So I think this is a quick answer, even though
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: it's a little bit of a longer email. So Stella,
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: her subject line is one foot in, one foot out,
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: and I'm paying double rent. Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty seven
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: years old and in my first year of practice as
• 48:30
  Speaker 4: a lawyer. I met my boyfriend in law school. From
• 48:33
  Speaker 4: the moment we started seeing one another, he was very casual.
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: He made it clear to me that he was not
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: looking for a girlfriend, did not see himself having kids,
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: and was very very career oriented. At the time, I
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: was okay with taking things slow and being casual since
• 48:45
  Speaker 4: we were both in law school. This made sense, and
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: I was also not desperate to get into a relationship,
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: had not given kids much thought, and was focusing on
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: my career. After six or seven months of casual dating,
• 48:55
  Speaker 4: he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, and we've
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: been going strong ever since. Now we've been together for
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: three years, and I'm starting to wonder whether casual for
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: him is a permanent state of mind rather than something
• 49:05
  Speaker 4: temporary while he was going through law school and figuring
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: out life.
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: What I thought was a.
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: Slow, intentional foundation for a deeper relationship is starting to
• 49:12
  Speaker 4: feel more like a bad omen one where I'm getting
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: strung along until I finally reached my limit and walk away.
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: Everyone around us is moving in together, getting engaged, having kids. Meanwhile,
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: we hardly ever talk about the future. When I bring
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: it up, he brushes it off by saying every relationship
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: is different. When both of our leases were ending last year,
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: I suggested moving in together. At the time, I was
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: living alone and he was with a roommate. He told
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: me he wanted at least one year of being on
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: his own before he could be comfortable settling down. I
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: respected his wishes, although it was a bit frustrating to
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: realize we're spending most nights together anyway, it feels like
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: we live together, just with twice the rent.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Since this is annoying, I know.
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: Since then, there has not been a follow up from him,
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: no renewed conversation about eventually moving in.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to give him grace.
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to be patient, but with every passing month
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: and still I will know real conversations about where we're headed.
• 50:02
  Speaker 4: I keep asking myself what he's doing, and more importantly,
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: what the hell I am doing here?
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: My best friend's older sister was in a relationship with
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: a man from the time she was twenty two years
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: old when they broke up just shy of her thirtieth birthday.
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: She told me, never waste your twenties on a man
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: who does not see a future with you. It does
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: not take anyone a decade to decide whether they want
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: to be with you. Considering I've been with my partner
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: for the greater part of my twenties, I cannot help
• 50:24
  Speaker 4: but wonder if I'm failing to take her advice and
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: I am doomed to make the same mistake.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: So, Chelsea, what do you think? Am I ignoring the
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: writing on the wall? Am I just being impatient? Yes?
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: Stella, I if you can't have that conversation, I don't.
• 50:39
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's worth your time if he isn't
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: there to show up just to have the conversation about it.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed, it's over. It's three years.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Like, if you love someone, there should be no problem
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: talking around anything.
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: You should be able to talk.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: Around marriage or you know about marriage, a round marriage,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: around moving in.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: All of those.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: Things are shouldn't be You shouldn't be scared to bring
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: something up and you shouldn't be campaigning to be someone's choice. No,
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: it's your roommate or it's like you're trying to figure
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: out what he's like. You decide how you're treated by
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: people in this world, and you're devaluing yourself by being
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: remaining in this relationship when you're not getting what you want.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: If these are all the things that you want, that
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: you've stated that you want a partner that you're going
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: to live with, and you want a family, and you
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: want and you're like, I don't like the compare game.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: I don't care that your friends are getting married. Who
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: gives a shit what your friends are doing. You have
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: to figure out what you want and then get that,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: but also don't lower your level of respect for yourself.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: Those are the things you want and you're not getting them,
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: you must walk out the door and go find somebody
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: who's gonna give them to you, because somebody will happily
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: be there for that.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 51:45
  Speaker 5: I also think that when you're in these relationships, the
• 51:48
  Speaker 5: thing that you keep going back for is the crumb
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: that you really what you want is just the full
• 51:52
  Speaker 5: fucking meal, and all they're doing is giving you a
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: crumb to keep you along for a certain amount of
• 51:56
  Speaker 5: time later until they realize need to give you another
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: crumb to keep you along. And it just sounds like
• 52:01
  Speaker 5: you get stuck in that cycle that you can't really
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: see the bigger picture. Yeah, and then you're just addicted to.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you kind of.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: It's even the way she framed, like he said I
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: was his girlfriend, he started calling me his girlfriend.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: It's like that's also your decision. You.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: Why does he have to decide when your girlfriend or boyfriend?
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: You're my boyfriend?
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: Like the whole framing of this letter makes me think
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: that you what's her name, uh, Stella, Stella, You need
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: to like actually spend some time alone and build up
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: your self worth, like because I want you to like
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: respect yourself in a way that you aren't going to
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: tolerate this behavior from anybody.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, any man, you don't need that at all period.
• 52:38
  Speaker 4: You want somebody who's obsessed with you, who's like excited
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: to be with that account.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: Healthy, healthy, obsessed.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: Do you have a if you don't want to talk
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: about this, you don't have to do you have a
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: cute engagement story about how you got how you got engaged?
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: Was it romantic?
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah? I think it I mean, it was romantic in
• 52:55
  Speaker 5: the sense that one of the reasons I loved Eternity
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: reading that script is because I really think of my
• 53:03
  Speaker 5: husband as a Larry who will die in his nineties
• 53:06
  Speaker 5: choking on pretzels. Like my husband is incredibly neurotic, very
• 53:10
  Speaker 5: uncomfortable all the time, always has something wrong with anything,
• 53:14
  Speaker 5: like his cocsis, his like his pinky like and he
• 53:17
  Speaker 5: actually has things wrong with him, but they're always like
• 53:19
  Speaker 5: this like one percent odd thing and they have real diagnoses.
• 53:23
  Speaker 5: But so he then like tells himself all the stories.
• 53:25
  Speaker 5: And so when we got engaged, we went to this
• 53:28
  Speaker 5: place in northern California and in Verness, and he was
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: acting just and he.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: Was just so annoyed. There wasn't like a cheeseboard.
• 53:35
  Speaker 5: He asked for a cheeseboard and we got there and
• 53:36
  Speaker 5: I was like, you've never cared this much about a
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: cheeseboard before, and he was freaking out. This place had
• 53:44
  Speaker 5: a had a wood burning fireplace. It was massive, and
• 53:47
  Speaker 5: he couldn't start a fire, and he was like, what
• 53:49
  Speaker 5: kind of man doesn't know how to start a fire?
• 53:52
  Speaker 5: Like he was just so mean to himself trying to
• 53:56
  Speaker 5: figure out how to get this fire going.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: It was like, it's embarrassing if I had asked someone
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: to get a.
• 53:59
  Speaker 5: Fire and then and then it was like thirty minutes
• 54:02
  Speaker 5: later he proposed when we were outside, but like he
• 54:05
  Speaker 5: needed there to be a cheeseboard going in order for
• 54:09
  Speaker 5: it to feel romantic or something.
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: But the way and then.
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: Also he like tried to go down on his knee,
• 54:16
  Speaker 5: but we were on as I hate me saying this,
• 54:18
  Speaker 5: it's fine because he's charming, but we're on this wood dock,
• 54:21
  Speaker 5: so we like goes down on his knee and he's like,
• 54:23
  Speaker 5: oh sorry.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: This really hurts.
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: So it's just and it was just the two of us,
• 54:29
  Speaker 5: like there's not a single photo, Like it was just
• 54:31
  Speaker 5: so lovely. I loved it so much just because it
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: was him and all of his.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: Like did you know you were going to marry him? Yeah?
• 54:38
  Speaker 5: We talked about it, Like I think it's crazy to
• 54:41
  Speaker 5: not know if you're about to get engaged.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: No, I mean how soon.
• 54:47
  Speaker 5: It is?
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Like what yeah, whatexpected so unexpected that I had to leave.
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: But how long after you started dating him? Did you know?
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: Did you know for sure you we were going to marry?
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: Like was it quick?
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: We moved.
• 55:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I didn't know i'd even want to get
• 55:05
  Speaker 5: married or have kids or anything like that.
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: But after a year of being together.
• 55:10
  Speaker 5: I was actually renovating a house when first started dating,
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: and I sort of realized six months in that we'll
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: probably move into this house together and wanted him to
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: be a part of making choices. So it didn't feel
• 55:19
  Speaker 5: like my space and it felt like our space. And
• 55:23
  Speaker 5: I think after living with each other very for a
• 55:25
  Speaker 5: very short period of time, it was. I mean, he's
• 55:29
  Speaker 5: truly the most comfortable person to be around and the
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: greatest support in my life. And he's so sweet and
• 55:39
  Speaker 5: funny and clever and smart. It's very funny, and yeah,
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: his goal every day is to make me laugh, which
• 55:45
  Speaker 5: is also annoying when I'm mad at him, but he
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: does it very quickly and early in the morning, and
• 55:50
  Speaker 5: it's really annoying often.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: Well, that's really sweet.
• 55:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he's great. So I knew pretty early and we
• 55:56
  Speaker 5: talked about it.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: Well, this is a nice way to end the podcast
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: talking about a nice, healthy relationship and a nice straight
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: man in the world.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: He is.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: He's a really good person that's.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: Good for our listeners to hear about and I'm glad,
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: thank you for sharing that with us. That's sweet, and
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: I'm happy that you have such a good man.
• 56:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he's a sensitive kind, very like communications everything.
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's very nice to hear.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: I was just thinking about Miles Teller and in the
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: movie and Callum callum accent was good. He did a
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: great American accent. I was attracted to him.
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: In that movie. I was rooting.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: I was rooting for Colla. I was like, this guy's hot.
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: I don't think I've ever seen him in anything.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: I know who he is, but I was like, yeah, okay,
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: Nicole Kid.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's funny.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: It's nice to have two men in a movie and
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: you'd be the center of attention.
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 56:47
  Speaker 5: Like, I mean, they really wanted to get John Early
• 56:49
  Speaker 5: to make them like he wanted. They wanted to make
• 56:51
  Speaker 5: John Early laugh for the whole time. So really didn't
• 56:54
  Speaker 5: feel like they wanted my attention unless we were doing
• 56:56
  Speaker 5: the scene.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: I see.
• 56:58
  Speaker 5: They truly were just trying to entertain genreally the whole time.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: Got it. Yeah, John, I was really enjoying it.
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: Well, he's in the movie too, everybody. It's called Eternity.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: It's out in theaters. Now go to the theater and
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: see a movie.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: Go to the movie. Thank you, Elizabeth Elson having me.
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: Oh it was such a pleasure. Yea, so great having you.
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour.
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: I will be touring.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: From February through June. So go get your tickets now.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: If you want good seats and you want to come
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: see me perform, I will be on the High and
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour.
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 57:43
  Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
• 57:46
  Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.