Latest / Uncomfortable Conversations with Josh Szeps / Premium: Australia vs America with Ed Kavalee

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Premium: Australia vs America with Ed Kavalee · Uncomfortable Conversations with Josh Szeps

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  G'day, this is an abridged version of the episode that you can hear in full by signing up
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  at uncomfortableconversations.substac.com slash subscribe. Enjoy the freebie.
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  G'day, humans. Welcome to the safe space for dangerous ideas. This is a fun one.
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  This is a primo episode. This is one of the episodes that you get in full,
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  several of them every month if you subscribe to the show. But even if you don't,
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  enjoy the first portion of this historical chat that I had with one of the funniest men in Australia.
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  Ed Cavali is someone I met while I was at university. We liked each other. We started doing
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  short form improv together, otherwise known as theater sports in Australia, under the tutelage
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  of the brilliant Rob Carlton. We achieved some success. We ended up doing a little show at the
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  Melbourne Comedy Festival in 2005. Whenever that was, the heyday of our university years.
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  Ed has since gone on like me to be a broadcaster. He currently hosts the Breakfast Show on today
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  F.M with Huzie and Aaron. He's on Have You Been Paying Attention? A television show on
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  network 10. He had previously worked elsewhere, Triple M Brisbane and so on. He's well-known to
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  a lot of Australians and he's beloved to me. A few years ago I was, I think it was still living
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  in the United States and I was back in Australia and I sat down with Ed in a bar cafe and I picked
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  his brain about the differences between Australia and America. We both have a little bit of experience
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  in both countries. I thought it would be interesting to get his perspectives. As a result,
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  this is not a topical show but it's a great insight into the man and the legend that is Ed
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  Cavali. If you want to hear the whole thing, you can go to uncomfortable conversations.substac.com-listen
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  with yours truly. Those are really interesting and we're building a really cool community there
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  where I get to actually chat with and see you all. It's not hard. Pull your phone out. Uncomfortable
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  conversations.substac.com-listen. I know you've been meaning to get around to it. Today might as
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  well be the day whether you do or not enjoy the one and only Ed Cavali.
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  Now her breakfast radio in Bristol on S&M in the numerous television
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  yes opportunities yes that's true and I was on a while I'm introducing you like this in such a
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  half-hazard fashion when you could probably just I could just say Ed. I've done some radio and
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  done some television. I made a you know done a couple of films I tried to be an active but I
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  wasn't very good so I stomped that and I was told that in my first ever audition for an Australian
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  police drama set in a small town it was one of those funny shows you know like murder she
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  wrote there was constant murders in that school town where there I mean if you were going to
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  if I was going to commit a murder in the 80s I certainly wouldn't do it in the only hamlet
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  in America where there's an author there who has a hundred percent strike rate. That's why
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  and where where every week someone's getting arrested for murdering someone how much could they
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  leave the town if you left if you lived there surely just go away just drive away the town's
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  jinxed I was that I you know geez I could have used her in the wire. I just kept thinking
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  Angela would have cleaned out yeah. Yeah. Bunk and they didn't bunk and Angela Landsbury
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  together. Oh I love it. Get rid of McNulty. He did drunk. Did you ever watch Colombo? Yeah
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  because Colombo was another one where he would have it was always that easy it times are so easy
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  to solve because they come to they come together so perfectly but he would always solve them in
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  such a way that you would know that the person did it but there was no evidence that the whole
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  that would stand up in the wall and he would be able to convict he was just like you know
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  oh look well now I saw you I saw the way that you looked at me when I said you know deceased
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  woman's cousin's name so I know now that you were having an affair with her and then you killed
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  her and you're like yeah absolutely good reason in Colombo you did do it how do you prove it now
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  well they never did the trials oh my god what a what a great idea that would be if they then
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  had a spin-off show we choose the trials of Colombo and people just getting off person got off
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  every single person what would you do that as a fake Twitter account just like everybody walks
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  there's Johnny Cochran's voice representing them
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  Chuck Hero and Kat Ashian would you say this is one respect in which the United States is better
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  than Australia because really the theme of this week's show is Australia versus America America versus
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  Australia what does each country do best let's begin with entertainment good I would say the
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  procedural television shows yeah far better in the United States your law and orders yeah um
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  was budget you know in budget there's a great story that was you know in Australia we have a good
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  but you know relatively comparatively small film and television industry and never was that
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  born out more clearly was when they had a television show which was based on the water in Sydney
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  Sydney's famous for its harbor and this was just when Australians were like why don't we try and
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  sell our shows overseas because two of our soap operas were selling very well in England
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  and they were like we can take over the world when you say this is based on the water it's about the
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  water police the maritime police it's called water rats it's called water rats it's called water rats it's
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  a cop show on boats in the harbor so most crimes if if someone was going to rob a bank they needed to
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  somehow try and escape on a jet ski yeah the man had to be located on the beach yeah yeah it was a big
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  batch it was a big batch right and so the idea was that the water rats were always solvent crimes
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  on the water and it looks great and it did look great however they realized that they ran out of
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  actors and so I know a guy who played two separate bad guys on water rats in the three year in the
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  space of three years and don't they have rules also about how long you have to leave it's about 18
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  months yeah right and then after that no one is ever going to watch it on no one's ever going to
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  binge watch and accidentally see you back-to-back yes two episodes with the same guy playing two
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  completely different people so the first time he did it because he has a certain look this
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  gentleman he's good at playing sort of weirdos and bad guys the first time he did it his plan
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  or his character's plan was to blow up the water rats in place on the pier right he failed yeah they
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  got him with a jet ski he went down he did some time three years later they've gone through every
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  single actor in Australia and I've come back around to him and they've seen him didn't come to
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  me well neither me that's not an actor evidently you're a terrible one so
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  that's what I am I can't even get roles when they're using people twice so then they come back
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  around to him and they go hey water rats you want to do it and he said oh now I've already done
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  this show they said oh okay so they made his character a New Zealander and then just died
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  he's here you'll never guess what this new bloke's plan was to blow up the water rats
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  base lock the base again but if you speak with the bad news in the back yes and he had and this
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  time he had an axe hey Tom hey full come over here and then the water rats busted him again but why
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  I'm a bit intrigued by this plot line because I thought that the water rats were solving actual
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  crimes why is someone out to blow up the police like they had him he had a vendetta the second time
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  around he had a vendetta because they'd done something to his family and the first time around
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  he was crazy it was like a B story and so that was the way that went around and so then to top it
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  all off the same guy then gets a call two years later when water rats had finished and they started
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  up a new show where it was a small town inland where there was a police station and lo and behold
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  there was major crimes in this small town every week right and he got called hey listen would you
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  like to come and do a small part you need to blow up the local police base court house court
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  it's a floating courthouse and all of the cops will be getting around on boats which are actually
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  like the tartar they're just a cardboard box one man three rolls a tipped it blotter up
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  there's time they're actually on hovercraft so they're both the amphibious vehicles that they
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  can get around the desert and the water so it answers your question yes America does those
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  procedures so is there anything in Australian entertainment that you would say Australia wins
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  on the on purely the in the entertainment industry stakes people in the crowd at sporting events
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  the people in the crowd at sporting events in I watch a lot of the NBA and the people in the
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  front row and this is Jack Nicholson it's always just guys it's mainly sort of well it's always
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  well to eat at the at the garden but if you're oh masters we're going but around I've noticed
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  now that it's always just sort of rich looking guys with either their second wife in very tight
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  white jeans or their first wife with a lot of work done in very tight white jeans and then they
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  jump up and down and celebrate three they they they they they're dags but Australians do a
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  dag is an Australian turn off for a norm I suppose yeah but in but we do crowd much much better
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  because they drink a lot and most of it's live and the camera man's not afraid to linger on someone
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  who looks like they might be up to something also the climate is so nice here for the year that people
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  it shirts off outside outdoors everyone's sweaty yeah shirts off they got the beer they're holding
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  the big thing of the beer step out a hundred and the best guy I always I had the best guy I've
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  seen recently was a guy at a rugby league match if you're trying to work out what rugby league is
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  it's like a take all the pads off American football and then start a fight and then give a score
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  into that's basically it's a much slower more cumbersome more British version of rugby yes which
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  is already but there's those things rugby league was started because rugby was too complicated so
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  that tells you that tells you that's kind of whatever you're not allowed to become a player unless
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  you've got a cauliflower ear and a nose that's been sneered across your face has a
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  physically large number of times yes it's barely a nose anymore technically and criminal records are
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  no impediment you know they're not they're not a they're not a problem they're not acquired
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  no but they're not found upon either yeah so there was a guy in the crowd and he decided that he
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  was going to do his act and his act was to stand up and the team he goes for is called the roosters
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  and so what he does is he puts a rubber glove on over his whole face sure and
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  owes it up until to how he mandel trick that was how he mandel got famous he would go on stage
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  of stand-up routines and he would put a rubber glove over his head and he would blow it up until
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  it was very big and then idiots would laugh and before you know it deal or no deal as a thing
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  and how he mandel is a wealthy wealthy man well this guy in the crowd I don't know if he's
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  got a national television profile but he probably should yep he probably does him New Zealand does
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  something and someone someone must love him so he would just do it but then just how we do it
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  to the point where it explodes I don't recall this is the performance right but that's what this
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  guy does he blows it up so much and till it and is the game going on yes but they stayed on him
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  yeah that's what we do that we love it people at home are like what's the score I don't know
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  but this guy with a rubber duck on his head is hilarious that's what we do better we do crowds
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  also cricket is a whole other thing when it comes to crowds because you're often not even
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  beast sitting down you could you could be lying on them on the grass yes looking at all you might
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  not even be paid money you might just be spying on it because you've got yourself a taste of
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  beer yes and you've gone up and you've got your eski which you're cooler boxer than what
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  Americans call an eski cooler uh cooler as opposed and uh well I know that because and when
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  Arnold Schwarzenegger played mr friday dr fris or mr fris in the last of the first lot of back second
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  lot of batman's before they had to redo it and the only good line was when batman was going to
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  send him into the into jail and he said you're not sending me to the cooler yeah but the cooler is
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  slaying for jail yeah but he meant it as in both as i a panel of three that and the thing
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  it was deep how where did you dig that and if that movie anecdote from it's one of my
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  yeah i was going to be a store for nine years that's right yes i was going to video store for good
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  three years because you watch good video boxbuster yes i watched basically um what's speaking of the
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  hanks is uh i watched cast away pretty much every night for about 18 months yeah that's a great movie
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  that's a good movie wait wait for that uh plane crash scene well let's does it still look good uh well
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  i haven't seen it since i've seen that twenty-two years old don't watch it again yeah the classic
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  does it still look good but just to finish on the cricket thing okay um also the other great thing
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  about cricket was just before he dubbed it is um Indians and Pakistanis it was crazy about and they
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  so when they're crazy about something they are crazy and they'll show up so you'll get a game
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  Australia versus India there'll be a hundred thousand people there and it'll be basically
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  split which is the good thing about a strip well okay that actually maybe that's another thing we
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  do well i don't know if we do it better we do well is international sport here is really well
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  attended because we've got people from all over the world you can have any supporting tournament
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  you want and there'll be a lot of local support for whatever team it is that happens to show up
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  like you know what i say you mean because we're such a multi in the country that they'll yeah
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  there's always some means we'll come out show up there's always someone who'll show up that's
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  right in fact americans always think of themselves as being a great melting pot and many parts of
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  america are uh queens is the most diverse geopolitical jurisdiction in the world apparently
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  is that hard to win what queens yeah do you use it hard to be like how do you be like how do you
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  be the pre-prodominant what depends on the little neighborhood i suppose if you're tied in the
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  tie area good for you but don't don't cross that street because that's Sri Lanka alley and all
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  of a sudden Sri Lankans own they own that's right on the road okay i think um but australia actually
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  has this will be interesting for americans i think more than half of the people in australia have
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  arrived since the second world war yeah which is a much larger proportion of people of foreigners
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  relatively do you want to call them that yeah then then even in you know it's that is it but that's
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  going to change in america anyway he's don't trump's going to empty in there well they're all going to
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  go they're all going to go has he but i'll tell you what just before we get to trump um there he
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  is an interesting stat which is that a majority of americans under the age of three yep are not
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  are not white i'm not white so it's only a matter of so you just got to wait for them to turn 18 or
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  21 or whatever and then america that is when america will be everywhere uh no of course there are
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  white towns but if you take all of americans as a whole the majority of them are not white so we're
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  we have already tipped over the precipice of america being a majority minority
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  right right whoa once they grow up and once the old people die but they're not going to die they're
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  never going to die because of science yeah they're ripping it up yeah he looks good he does he's
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  a something he's got a new wife she's 59 and Jerry Hall yeah Jerry Hall who used to
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  who in the 70s had a fake you know that marriage to a mick jagger they found out you'll never
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  guess when Jerry Hall got married to mick jagger on the beach in Bali in the 60s wasn't legally
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  no but we're hang on how is it possible it was but i thought it wouldn't read about it this
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  the local shaman i thought Jerry so Jerry Hall i got mick i thought it was a spice girl when i
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  first heard the name but then i remembered who Jerry Hall was spice girl perhaps but she's not
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  she's not who's the who's the Jerry Halley well how is a spice girl yeah yeah and then i also
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  thought that maybe she was Gerald Ford former prime minister former president the United States
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  but then this is where my head goes i don't know a lot about competent and i don't know a lot about
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  Jerry Hall cult is not your not my forte and politics and stuff yeah but real issues and entertainment
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  i like entertainment if it's good but the last thing i'd say that we do that i can give you one
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  straight away that america does a lot better than a straight up and that's mexican food yeah because
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  it's now this is a true stat given to me by someone who works at the local at the um
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  uh fruit and veg markets and there's been an explosion in the cost of avocados in Australia
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  yeah they've gone from like two dollars each to like four dollars and the other day i was at a cafe
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  and a slice of avocado half an avocado they were charging eight dollars no i swear to our american
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  listeners in Australia dollars worth about seventy five cents so eight dollars would put
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  set you back about six bucks yeah so i imagine being six bucks for half of an avocado ridiculous
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  and i said to this i said to this fruit man i said hey man what's it go are you just
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  you know is this gouging have you seen the child opportunity to get us because you've you've got
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  us hooked on its delicious fats and now you're trying to jack up the price and he said yes i mean
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  i am but it's also expensive as well he's there are two factors going on here the avocado cost
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  four dollars i'm charging you eight for half it's a four four four x markup yeah but uh so you're
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  getting screwed by me and i'm getting screwed by them well he said that they are the real thing
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  that's happened is the explosion of Mexican restaurants in Australia i was going to talk to you
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  about this i actually was going to talk to you about this socially off the podcast because when i
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  came back came back here last week we got to Sydney all of a sudden it's mexican this mexican
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  that my phone just lit up with a text message from my other friend she and her partner invited me
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  out to dinner tonight i want to go to a mexican cantina i told when i was growing up there was no
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  mexican food in Australia there was a lot of Asian food delicious a lot of Thai food in
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  dennesian Malaysian Chinese Japanese and all that southeastern stuff is better so let's just
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  went in the in the Australia versus america states Thai foods better absolutely about the names
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  of the Thai restaurants uh no New York does that better i don't know about the rest of the states
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  but they're all puns like Titanic and stuff Titanic Titanic typhoon time me up time me down
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  not all those you know Thai food food that yeah sick of i think said but now that i've come here
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  i've seen an explosion of not only mexican but also american style like the greasy dinosaur
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  like boutique dineries burger yes that that craze has gone nuts here that's gone crazy as well
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  those are the two big sort of moves in food here but that he told me that that's the problem
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  and he said the other thing that happened is people in Australia were demanding healthy sushi
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  now help sushi as was it rice wine or whatever it is that they treat the rice with something like
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  that i can't remember what it is exactly which makes it quite sugary so it's not very good for you
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  but i remember having it in sushi in california and they were like we don't use any of that you
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  know this is all natural you've tamarind you treat the right so it's perfectly fine and then they
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  and they was they but they don't do that here but the other thing is people were demanding healthy
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  sushi so to know i make try and make health sushi sound healthy they were putting avocado in it
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  oh okay yeah so and let's put in the category in america cheaper avocados yeah
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  in fact you know i say enjoy my mate was living in a street and next door they had a avocado
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  tree you could just take it well if you're a thief i did you are yes i tell you what this might
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  also explain what i saw yesterday which was a lemon that was selling for four dollars
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  the four dollar lemon what was its key features it was a lemon that was the key feature
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  what else was it bringing to the table nothing it was just a lemon so there's a lemon this is a
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  lemon there's a lemon yeah but he's let this one so lemon is also in guacamole maybe it's
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  all the mexicans fault tomatoes tell me now i'm now i'm i have some sympathy for trump i knew this
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  get him out of here you this is get him out of here checking up the price of a good Aussie avocado
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  okay so food with covered entertainment touched on what's he obviously uh it's too bad absolutely
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  i mean Australian films what do you think what do you make of Australian movies because if i had to
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  i think most americans would not be very familiar with Australian movies but they would know
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  Australian American pro productions that are basically Australian so the movie paid with the
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  talking pig yeah more land rouge mad max mad max yeah and then there are the sort of more
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  slightly pretentious kind of museum industry there's the piano animal kingdom that was the one
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  where there was Americans wouldn't know that but i'm no deniro no that wasn't and it was Jackie
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  we were in a Jackie weve and um the blood that's now in bloodlines and it was in back yeah that's
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  right he's great Australian actor anyway yeah who's actually a friend of mine and they're
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  I can't remember his name sorry do you know what what okay so i reckon that i heard some american
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  actors complaining that all the leading men are Australians or brits right yes there is this
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  complaint in hollywood that all the good roles are going to bridge and that's because having been
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  in L.A. your typical L.A. actor email i wouldn't say it was the most traditionally movie masculine
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  type of guy that you'd meet oh that's an interesting analysis yeah i i so you're saying that
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  law said local american actors in hollywood are two sort of a feat and a print and there's a
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  ruggedness yes yes that's a seed ruggedness which they play up don't make any make no mistake
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  because that they know that there's that step you might know