Latest / Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck / Interview with Be Bradley | Awakening In the Shadows

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Interview with Be Bradley | Awakening In the Shadows · Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the Alive and Kicking Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm your host, Kay Eck, and this is where we talk to ordinary people about their extraordinary lives.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: Before we begin today's podcast, I want to let you know that my guest today talks explicitly about childhood sexual trauma, sexuality, and drug use.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: And while I feel it's important to have these conversations, that does not mean that this conversation is for everybody.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: So please use your best judgment.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: Many thanks and blessings.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome back to the podcast, everybody.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: I am so delighted to be with you here in 2021.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: We took a little break in January and we're back full force.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm so excited that my guest today is Bee, the Conscious Rapper.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, B.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: What up?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: How are you doing?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad that we could finally make this work because you've been on my uh potential guest list for many months, and we just haven't been able to connect.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: And um yeah, one of the reasons is that I wanted to have you is um I've been following you for a while on Facebook, and everything that you write and talk about really resonates as truth with me.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: And um, I think it's really important that um people understand or know that the spiritual path doesn't have to look like one thing, you don't have to necessarily like clean up your act in order to be spiritual, you don't have to become somebody other than who you are.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, that's like the opposite of what we're going for.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, definitely.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's basically been my divine mission is to like break the stereotypes of like spirituality and all the love and light that we try to gravitate towards in the beginning of our awakening, which is necessary for us to find the information out about that's you know, out there.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: But then we hold that frequency of love and light and hold us to this perfectionist, you know, type of energy and divine.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: We want to be divine, but forget to be human.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And like, yeah, I've been on this path to like really integrate my humanness and and accept so many parts of myself that I thought that I was supposed to discard, but actually were supposed to be integrated and loved and then accepted.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh it's been a beautiful journey.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know that.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I that when you said the word perfectionism, um, that those something that came through to me earlier because you know, sometimes I think people think that they have to be perfect in order to be to even get on the spiritual path.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like Yeah, yeah, totally.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: They look at they look the thing is in this with the spiritual community, is like you you jump into the community and you realize there's a whole bunch of people awakening, and then you see all these people who are well into their mission, you could call it, or you know, in their awakening, and you think, I'm not there, and I'm not nothing like them.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And how am I supposed to get from point A to point B?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can't see that, and then you hold yourself to the standard for like your first couple of years of just like I'm supposed to be better than I am, and then you finally come to this realization that um wait, I'm perfect right now, that I couldn't change anything about me in this moment that make me any better, you know what I mean?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then that's whenever your real awakening starts to occur within you.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you have many awakenings on this journey.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I can't wait to kind of uh find out how you hopped onto this path, but I don't want to like go right there.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: I want to hear a little bit about how you how how your childhood was, like what were you like as a child and what was your childhood like?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, um, yeah, so uh I grew up here in Indiana, um, southern Indiana.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was born in '83, um, some 80s baby, you know, early 80s baby.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And uh my parents, um, both my dad was in a band, and the band was like in the basement.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: He had a whole setup stage.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, talking everything you could ever have to create music.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And they had parties there every weekend, Saturday, Sunday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Sunday during the day, all day.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like a bar.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just raised in an environment that was pure toxicity constantly.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was had the reins to do kind of like whatever I wanted as a kid and didn't have much supervision.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And not that they weren't good parents.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: My parents were actually really good parents.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my dad was an amazing dad.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: He gave me all the love I could ever need.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Me and my mother had a lot of trauma, starting whenever the divorce happened, whenever I was 12.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: But prior to that, I just remember her being asleep a lot and my dad being the one that was a functioning addict.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of my trauma didn't come from my parents' abusive ways.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: They were really actually very good to me.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was my trauma stem stem from when I was four years old, and I met these little um friends of mine that live behind me, and I started to have sexual intercourse by six.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So six years old, I was having sex, like penetration sex.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: We were reenacting our uh parents' pornos, and I really got in deep watching my parents' videos.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of guilt and shame behind, you know, watching my parents do that.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I could cry right now about it.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I have a lot of um just my my my all of my major trauma stems from sexual trauma and my father's narcissistic power struggle with me as a child.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like he would tell me he was God, I'm God, you listen to me type energy, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but most of my stuff started from the sexual trauma.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it's having sex at that early of an age, doing something that felt so good but was so wrong, has been something that I've been struggling with since I was young to enjoy having a sexual experience without feeling guilt and shame.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And on top of that, I started having sex with men about 10, I think 10 years old.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I started having sex with boys, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I am not attracted to men, like at all, not one bit.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I look at a man and he does not excite me when I look at him.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just weird.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then on the clip end of it, I could have sexual intercourse with a man and be the feminine energy.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And man, is it ever so goddamn intense and amazing?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I and I have to, I've been going through, I'm legit right now, 37 years old in the process of accepting this part of myself.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean you know I've been talking about it for like the last year and a half online, but I just came out like a year and a half ago that I think I'm bi-ish.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like to call myself bisexual because I can't you can't label me or stick me in a label box because I won't date men, but I will sleep with them.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And my future wife will know that.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like whoever I get with, she's gonna know that.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, there's some things that's in me that cannot be satisfied by a woman, and we're gonna go.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're if you don't allow me to have that, then I can't do that.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is like somewhere I've gone deep within me to find out.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: But all my stuff stems from that, from my sexual traumas as a child.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: My divorce happened when I was 12.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I blame myself for it.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why, but I did.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then me and my mom fell out in an argument.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: She couldn't handle me much anymore when I was living with her after the divorce, and she kicked me out at 12 years old, and I didn't speak to her until I was 20.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: Whoa.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So from 12 to 20, and me and my mother had no talk.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: She started to come in to make her amends, and I was just angry.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Mom really didn't, mom wanted me to come back after two weeks after she kicked me out.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: I said, No, I'm done with you.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: You you didn't want me, you didn't want me in your life, you hated me, you couldn't handle me.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can handle Neil, you want Neil in your life, my brother, but you don't want me in your life, I.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I I was anger.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know this stemmed from past lives of constant, you could feel like I can feel the past lives of anger and aggression towards mom.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you right now, I love my mom, by the way.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like her, I love her, I love all the pain that she's gone through for me, and um, I'm working my ass off the heel for her and make these millions that I'm chasing.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not chasing manifesting, um, you know, you can feel the energy in me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, um, my childhood was was part of your anger towards your mother that she excuse me, wasn't able to um that that there just wasn't any supervision that you had gone a path that wasn't good for you and might not have happened had she been paying attention?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, uh exactly.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because when I had my inner child surface on November 8th of 2016, um, I curled up in a ball and I was screaming, I feel dirty, I feel dirty, I want my mommy, where is my mommy?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Why isn't my mommy here?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why isn't my mommy helping me?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I said that over and over again for a solid 30 minutes while I went through the most massive purge I've ever released in my entire existence.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and then I ended up in the mental hospital on November 11th of 2016.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um I've been through a pretty I went through a I call it a shock awakening.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh spirit was like, B, you can handle this, and we're gonna put you through an intense, rigorous, dimensional shift like that, and you're gonna like handle it.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll explain that in a minute.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, um, it was it's been an intense, intense healing since 2012.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when my major awakening happened, or not major awakening.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: My major awakening happened in 2016.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: My initial like gravitation back to light started in 2012.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I know I got ahead of myself.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Um so um what was your your school experience, or where did you find respite during that tumultuous childhood?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um my grandparents' house.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: My grandparents' house, my grandparents were my safe haven.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: They were they're my guardian angels, if you want to call them that.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're still here with me today.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I felt them come in as soon as I mentioned them.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um they were like two angels placed on the planet to be everywhere.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And every time I needed to feel safe or okay, or feel real love, true love, unconditional love.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Gaia is all I can think about when I think of my grandma.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Gaia has to be like my grandma because my grandma's energy was the most loving of purest form of motherly grandma like energy that you could ever feel, even though she was very blocked and cut off from showing that love because of the way she was brought up.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: But she still, you know, you could feel it from her.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so then school.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was like, I was good at sports and stuff in school, and um, but in school, I always felt like I didn't fit in.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I everybody knew me and I was part of the kind of like in crowd, but I didn't feel like I fit in the in-crowd.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this was a common theme throughout my entire life.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Everywhere I went, I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and tried to find myself in 2012 and quit everything cold turkey and go sober.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I still felt like this alien in a room of people that told me that I was supposed to feel like I belong.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if they if if I didn't feel like I belong, I just wasn't doing the work enough.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, there's something more to all this than you guys are telling me, and I had to dive deeper.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't, I could, I didn't find myself as this addict or alcoholic where a lot a lot of people find themselves at, which is a beautiful place to be, and that's a place to go for recovery and help yourself.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I needed deeper energies, and at that place I found um the Lakota way, the Dakota in Native American.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, people call it the Sioux tribe, but I don't call it that because that means snake in the grass.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's the Wasichu uh version of our name, and our name's really Lakota, Dakota, Lakota, it's like the dialect what we speak, but that was one of my past lives I was tapping into.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea back then.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, um, I don't know if I'm ahead of myself, but or yeah, I I saw a post um that you that somebody that you posted about sweat lodge, and um how what what was that?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_03: How did you fall into that, or how did you move into that?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Were led into it?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is where my life changed.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is where the evolution of spirituality began in my life.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: In 2012, like I said, when you look when you now that I know about the shift and how the major shift happened.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: So in 1983, I think it was 82, the major shift began.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: The nanosecond started to speed up, time started to speed up as we know it, manifestation.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you call it, would speed up, right?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: We were literally, it would take a hundred years back, um, you know, ago for a hundred years of change to happen.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like a day, a hundred years of change happens now, you know.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So the nanosecond was speeding up, and by 2012, like the Mayans predicted, like people thought that end times were coming.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was the end of the old paradigm and actually the release of all starseeds and light worker, empaths, whatever, from their dark energies.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: So since 2012, we have been off the timeline of um what you call, you know, darkness winning, darkness like taking us down.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's always talking about entities and darkness.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: What we're releasing now is just the patterns humanity's been stuck in.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're gone.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: This that timeline's going on elsewhere from you know 2012.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're on the upper timeline where everything is shifting.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I realized that 2012 is when I got sober, my whole life changed.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I started to go to the Native American stuff.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that's whenever I now that I'm further in my recension, I realized I was tapping into an old past life that I, whenever I was a Laculta, uh, I believe I was a woman medicine man.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember, it's just the energy I feel from that life feels very feminine.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I learned from Chief Matthew Black Eagle Man and Chief Michael Vargas.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I met these two men randomly at sweat lodges that I got guided to from a friend of mine from Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then I befriended them, asked them if I could come stay the night at their houses and spend time with them.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I would go to Matt's house once a month.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: I became his fire keeper, which I don't like calling myself a fire keeper because I don't keep the fire, but I tend it.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I was a Lakota firekeeper for chief, and she or Matt became chief while I was tending his fire while I was working with him.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Matthew or Michael Vargas, deemed in chief, and uh Michael works with um some of the Laculta and Dakota elders out there in the uh West or South Dakota and North Dakota.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started doing sweat lodges, and these are like hardcore ceremonies to just like healing ceremonies to purge out energies that no longer serve you.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Have you not been one or heard of one before?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I've heard of them many times, and I know people who are intimately connected with them, but I've never experienced it because I'm too much chicken.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's don't be a chicken, it's so amazing.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's like I barely survived a sauna.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if you can't survive a sauna, you might not want to do it.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, because it's like they get you really hot in there to burn off the energies inside your system.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, then I started going to weepy ceremonies, and then I started going to Lawambi ceremonies, and these are like ceremonies where legit a medicine man can bring spirits into the room physically, they will touch you.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: They you will know it's a spirit.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: It won't, it's it's it's crazy.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: My human mind could not conceive this or understand it at the time.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I still had I was like completely agnostic.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was at these spiritual ceremonies because I thought these people are crazy or I'm lost.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I would rather me be on the I'm lost side and something cool come out of this, right?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I stayed with that mindset always.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was very scientific.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't gonna mo, you ain't gonna, nothing's gonna come up in my vision unless I'm not gonna tell somebody I believe something unless I believe it from experience.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started having experiences, you know.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I started seeing spirit lights with Chief while we'd be talking.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: They look like little blinky stars, like right near front of your face.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then I went on vision or I went to Sundance 2016.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's where my massive awakening happened.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Sundance 2016.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been doing this for four years, working with uh the Lakota elders.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: They've been teaching me everything there is to teach.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Robo helped me, taught me everything there was about the fire.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: God rest your soul, buddy.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I had this experience.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was awake for like three or four days at Sundance and I could not sleep, and I didn't know why.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was because the energies at Sundance.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know what Sundance is?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: Um, not the film festival I'm you're talking about.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sundance is okay.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sundance is a ceremony where men and women fast for four days and four nights.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: They do not eat or drink anything, they dance out in a place specifically in one spot.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: They kind of just like move their feet while they dance, while the drumming's going for seven times a day for about two hours at a time, or about an hour and a half at a time, and they're suffering for us.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: They suffer for the planet, and it's a sacred circle.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: And we kill this tree sacredly and a buffalo sacredly, put the buffalo heart into the ground, the tree on top of it, and bring the tree back to life with the buffalo nation and the energy from our old ancestors.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then that tree becomes this conduit for Gaia, like an antenna for God.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is where I had my massive awakening.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I God touched me, Gaia touched me.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's you can't describe it in human words.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, what happened was I was awake for like three days.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: I had this breakdown in the lodge because one of the elders snapped on me for talking during a sweat lodge, and I'm freaked out, right?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Come out of the lodge, and this elder was out there.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, What do you know of unity consciousness and duality consciousness?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I don't know.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: This was like I was awake till three o'clock.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: He walked up to relieve me from the fire, started talking to me.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is when I had my massive awakening.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: He asked me, What do you know of unity and duality consciousness?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I don't know.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Unity consciousness is when you have a one-hemisphere brain and you know that you are God, you source in a body, a fractal of it, experiencing yourself all over existence.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Duality consciousness is when you have a two-hemisphere brain, and your right and left hemisphere are separate from each other, and you believe that you know you're separate from humanity.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And just him saying that to me made my crown chakra pop open.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like I took a hit of some kind of hallucinogen immediately, and my whole head started tingling, and my body started tingling like I was on a drug.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, What's going on with me, man?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm on a drug.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I started giggling, laughing, crying.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: I rolled around the ground um hysterically.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Directly after that, I felt like I was on what you call an acid trip, you know, an acid trip for three months.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: When I came back to my home, I couldn't recognize the world.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like my home didn't look the same.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: The street didn't, I didn't recognize it.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: The the city, I didn't recognize it.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: It all looked vivid and way brighter and like um like um like I was in a video game or something.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And and during the experience while I was there, I heard two spirits go walk past me.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And when they walked past me, they sounded like frequencies going through my ears.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: It sounded like and I was like, Chief, was there two spirits in that sweat lodge?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, How'd you know?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: I go, I heard he goes, Wow, man, your gifts are opening.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yeah, I get it.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: I could um feel trees, I could feel their energy, I could feel them like communicating with me.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: I um I could astro project and be somewhere else and not like know I was there, and people be like, dude, you were there with us.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, No, I was not.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wasn't with you guys where you're saying I was at.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, You were helping us, you were there.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, dude, I was asleep here at the tree.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was projecting myself in different dimensions, different crazy shit.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember much, but all I know is that when I came home, Dark Knights of the Soul crept up on me about it quicker than you could ever imagine.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: My ego manifested spiritually.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: I went home and told everybody I was an alien in human form, I was from another planet, we all need to wake up.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: My grandparents, everybody, I wouldn't shove about it.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody was like Bryant's insane, he's crazy.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: We need to help him.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And like they stuck me in a mental hospital, like I said, after my massive awakening.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I ended up cheating on my wife with her best friend um October 31st of 2016.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: So let's let's let's go back to the hospital for a second, because I think that you know we we have you know, just like this podcast highlights is that every path is so unique.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: I haven't heard a lot of them as extreme as yours.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: And um I do you consider it to be extreme based on what you've heard and seen and known?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that's why I call it a shock awakening because let me just say that, like I'm not trying to sound arrogant.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know what light I'm about to carry on the planet.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I plan on manifesting millions of dollars in this lifetime.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I plan on you know helping millions, inspiring as millions as people as I can with my music and career.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that I have to carry that much darkness to to be able to like you know walk this journey and hold because in duality in this world, you have to be able to if to experience this amount of light, you have to experience that same amount of darkness.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like a building with a foundation.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: The foundation has to be just as deep as it does has to be the the building tall.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, other people have had awakenings that are gradual and they just kind of like learn about stuff, and then other people have had stuff like me, you know.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I know I understand my path so 100.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Do you feel like at that time the hospital was the right place for you?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_03: Because I feel like it's possible that the hospital is filled with people who are having openings and things like so was it the right place for me at the time?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Was it helpful?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: None.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: They met me up and they wouldn't talk to me, and I was lost mentally.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I can tell you exactly what would happen to me.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: My ego would sell me a lie, and I would get wise the lie within a minute.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, what the lie would be would be something I truly believe.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like the lie would be like, Jesus is real, Brian.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd be like, I'm not saying that he is or isn't, I'm just saying it would tell me that.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd be like, Okay, Jesus is.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: I need to go tell my daughter, Jesus is real, God is real.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd go tell my daughter about it.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Two minutes later, I'd realize that that wasn't real, and then I'd maybe think Jesus isn't real, and then I'd go to a whole nother shift in belief system, but I was actually shifting dimensions out of what I call the third-dimensional consciousness into the fourth, where I was gonna start going through my dark nights, and I was having this massive like breakout where I was starting to really get wise, and it's crazy because I got on meds for an entire month, and everything I went through, I see myself as everything I go through is to show others how to not do it, or um, you know, like pretty much how to not do it, you know.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's all I can say.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I I was alone for two years on my awakening.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I didn't meet a single soul like me.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Even my Native American elders shunned me and told me, bye, Brian.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, bye, you're not, you're crazy now.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're doing too much, you won't even be quiet.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: And they're right, I wasn't listening to nobody at the time.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was I wouldn't, you know, but I though as I see it, the teachers appeared when I needed them, and when they were they were gone when I didn't need them no more.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it was time for me to find D by myself, and that's when I entered Dark Night Assault by myself.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: My ex-wife left me immediately, you know.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um married between the hospital and the divorce, how'd you end up married?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was married.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: The hospital actually happened after the marriage.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as as the marriage ended, I'm sorry.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I the marriage started in when I was 25.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we met.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: I consider her, I hate talking about twin flames, and I don't believe in that stuff like everybody else does.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna clarify for me.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: I call it twin flame any human being that could be your mirror.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: That could be you, that could be my friends, that could be my dad or anybody.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think a soulmate, somebody who's a really harmonious relationship and they love you unconditionally and treat you awesome.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe her to be like a true twin flame for what I just said, that version.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're not ever supposed to be together, and we never were meant to be together, even though I'm still having like old energies come up where I have to deal with that stuff.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: But um, man, she was the biggest mirror and lesson of my life, you know.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I hated her.
• 26:21
  unknown: Go ahead.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_03: Can you explain what you mean by mirror?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: Because I think that's a really important concept for um people.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: So mirroring and projecting is how I found myself.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Mirroring and projecting is how I figured out who I was or who I was becoming in that moment.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, right now, if I look at you and I think you're this, this, or this, really, it's me that is this, this, or this.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would tell her, I hate you, I hate you so much.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: And like, really, I would be saying to her, I hate me, I hate me so much, you're my mirror.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're just showing me what I hate about myself.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that the person that's being your mirror isn't doing what you think they're doing to you, but they're just showing you something within you that you have to heal on a deeper level.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: And for you to heal that, you have to love them because they are you.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: They're just showing you this mirror effect.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Every human is a mirror, even your soulmates are gonna be a mirror, they're just gonna be a little more harmonious than like a karmic connection that you like end up going like I think a twin flame is somebody who you have this immediate romantic connection with, and you just want them, and you get you rush it, yeah.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like you're like real tighter and then it goes crazy sometimes, you know what I mean?
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: And um, that's meant that instant connection, that rush connection is because souls don't like to wait to level up.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: We love to just move quickly through ascension, and relationships are how we do it, you know.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the mirroring aspect and projecting.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if I say to you, you're doing this, this, this, this, and this to me, really, I'm projecting this is what I'm doing to you, and I'm in an illusion right now and cannot see my projections of my own reality.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've got people that are really mean to me on my Facebook, and I always see right through it.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, they're projecting their reality onto me.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to take this seriously, and I need to send them love.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: An aware of being doesn't take that type of stuff personal, so it's so um crucial for us to step into learning about projecting and mirroring, projection and mirroring so that we can see ourselves for who we are too.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it's always, of course, more useful to pay attention to how you're projecting as opposed to how everybody else is projecting on your if you pay that yeah, if you pay attention for others, projections is always when someone's being like coming at you crazy, you know what I'm saying?
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if they tell you something about yourself and you get angry and get defensive, then you might want to check it because your ego is actually trying to defend yourself and keep you safe, and maybe that's something you need to learn.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, damn it.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_03: I hate that.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_03: I hate when that happens.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: So many layers to this stuff.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the awareness is there, you know.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: So you you did something radical to um send your wife packing.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, very much so.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I like to speak about that because so many of us men are the perpetrators and downright dicks in this life, you know what I mean?
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us are, and we are healing out here.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I cheated on her, I physically abused her, and I've mentally abused her.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: She had her own rights and shit she did to me, but that's no motherfucking, that doesn't make up for that stuff.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I own it and I know that I'm gonna change.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never be like that to another divine feminine as long as I live, because I lost one of the most amazing divine feminines on the planet that walks the earth, you know.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: I still think that she is one of the most I'll hold her high, you know, until the day she dies, and she should know that.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, I like to speak about that because us men need to own our shit, um, let it go, and evolve.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's where we're at with all this stuff.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so I did that to her.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_03: Do you before you go on?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_03: Do you see that happening?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: Are you witnessing the other part?
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, all it to be honest, your question with the energy behind you asking that is um is a is a true question.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: The divine feminines need to hear from us men is that yes, man, most um, I was the most narcissistic, of abusive, of downright dirty, rotten human you could ever meet.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I changed.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: If I can change, humanity can change.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: People, everyone will change.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: It I'm I I give that to the world.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know that.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um I look at people who are they'll like old versions of me, and I'm like, I hope for you, because all you need to do is lose some couple good things for yourself, and you're gonna realize who you really are.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I and the heart, you know, the baddest part, the worst part about it is that the creator uses amazing divine feminines like yourself sometimes to teach us masculines, hard lessons.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know we contracted that stuff, but divine feminines will be pretty good, you know, people for the most part to a man, and then we will lose you from our own mistakes, and then spend our whole lives trying to fight to get you back dang near, wishing you were the one.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: But that is enough to change a man, to be honest.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I I always tell women from your ex, he misses you, he wishes he didn't mess up.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't care what he says, he can pretend all he wants that he doesn't care, but we always know, like we always know whenever we go ahead, though.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna say?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: I what what I've wit been witnessing is um men walking, like right now in particular, walking right into the fire that they set.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: They're they're they're like at the point of awakening where they need to like destroy something.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_03: They're gonna destroy their family, they're gonna destroy their their spouse, they're gonna destroy their home, their job, or whatever.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_03: I see a lot of that occurring right now.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually that's that's part of it.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's like the awakening of the world.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: The world is about to go through dark nights of the soul, and to to an unaware eye, it's gonna look like the world is crumbling and shit is happening.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And just like what you said with the divine masculines right now, it seems like they're about to take down everything around them until for them to, you know, finally have to change or something to go um to shift in their life.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, sometimes that's what happens with us, you know what I mean?
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Humanity.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_03: Do you believe that?
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_03: Well, first I just want to say that you know, it's obvious from your experience that these awakenings or these shifts and changes can occur rapidly, fully, and like without any notice.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_03: But it can also it can also take a long time, or you know, there's no there's no timetable for it.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_03: No, there isn't.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_03: So go on.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: After the after the the relationship blew up.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so after the relationship blew up is whenever my like real healing work began.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had not worked for 10 years.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was a designer up until I was 22 years old, lost that job through drugs and stuff like that.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was really hardcore on drugs, by the way, the whole time.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: Pills, Xanaxes, Lore tabs, all kinds of crazy stuff.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was just addicted.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: And Xanax is what made me go do the cheating and the crazy stuff.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not made me, aided.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't own that stuff, by the way.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I got um out of the mental hospital.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was on medication for a month and could not find a doctor to fill my prescription if I the world depended on me.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I told Spirit, you know, you must not want me on this stuff.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought I was bipolar, PTSD, and borderline schizophrenic, and I popped out of that immediately.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Realized I was a starseed, pleian.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot they like dumbed me down for that month.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: Spirit put me through that so that I would know that wasn't my path.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: That I, you know, I couldn't even think.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had ADHD the whole time when I was on medication.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: I could I tried to go on a job and work and I walked out after five minutes because I couldn't focus on cutting tomatoes.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um really hard, um traumatic couple years, to be honest.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I to put it in a nutshell, I'll tell you the big events.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um August of 2017, I wrecked my truck.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I had a dream about it three nights before.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: I told my mom about the dream and told her I was afraid I was about to go to jail, which was a pretty cool thing from Spirit to give to my mom because now she doesn't think her son's so crazy when he went to jail three days later.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I I wreck my car, I wreck my car, fall asleep at the wheel, hit a parked car, nobody's injured.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: I go to jail, I get out.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's the last time I ever take a pill for the rest of my life.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like I haven't I've been sober since.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been sober since 2017 from any kind of pharmaceutical um or anything like that.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: I never had an alcohol problem or anything like that.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: The alcohol and the weed that I do now, I'll explain because you were talking about how our ascensions are so different and things.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'll explain that in a minute.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so next thing that happened to me was you know, I'm trying to get my ex back for the entire time.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think she's my twin flame.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: Anywho, I also was doing some illegal activity the way I was making my money, and I got robbed by my two best friends.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: They kicked my door in, put guns in my face, me and my daughter's face at 11 o'clock at night, and got me for all my money and everything I had.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what shifted me into becoming doing my online work.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I I was not gonna work a nine to five job because I was never gonna do that again.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: I this wasn't gonna work no more because of what happened.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I went to a real dark metal soul for about two months over that.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have a PTSD, always afraid of the window, the door, thinking like constantly scared.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: It had to be from a past life.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel it, like the crazy stuff I went through in trauma.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what else happened, man?
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: I had so much happen in this crazy awakening.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't mind saying this.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my sexual explorations, I could not stop having sex.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when I started awakening and I left my ex, I would sleep with anybody that would give me the time or day.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: I did not care.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was man or woman.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would just get with anybody.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: I could I contracted herpes like a year and a half ago over that, and um realized it was a sapra chakra, major imbalance inside myself.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I continue to go through suffering with that because I'm releasing all this sexual trauma constantly, constantly.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm still like I said, like I'm about 95% in there accepting my sexuality now.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I just now went through a major transformation two weeks ago over that, just being like, God accept this part of me, you know, like this is like all right to be like this, and so it's been um, and so people online see me freak out all the time, right?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: My Facebook page is not used to be huge.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: I used to have so many people that were with me, and when I started to go into my authentic self and just telling people when I was low, when I was high, how I was thinking, what I was really going through, and really what I was I started just losing people by the wayside.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody kind of darted out.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: My live sessions only have 20 to 25 people on them now when they used to have 100.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just because I've stepped in such an authentic me now that like it really makes people uncomfortable when I speak about me, and because they're not ready to meet themselves at that level yet, so they bounce out, and um I've been struggling with that lately, just like feeling like I'm losing people left and right for just being myself, you know what I mean?
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but um it I think it's also possible that um you know it might be partly that, and partly that um I feel like algorithms do not they're like intentionally they're intentionally uh shielding the ship, they're shielding the light because it's definitely that.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's definitely the shielding of um they've they've started censoring us or something because it's it's definitely uh like everybody's even Ralph Smart of Infinite Waters Diving Deep said I used to get millions of views and now I get 20 and 30,000, like some things up here.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't right.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, pretty much across the board I hear everybody talking about that, so I wouldn't take it too personally.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't that's inner child work to be all to be honest, when I didn't feel seen by my parents um because my brother was so good at sports.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um my brother was like identical to my dad when it came to sports, and like so they just like held him all high up there, and I didn't feel seen, but I don't know that I'll do one there.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_03: So, um, what would you say that um you had to sacrifice to get on the spiritual path?
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_03: And what have the gifts been?
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: The sacrifice that I had to make to get on the spiritual path was to me was losing my whole family, my whole my my family, my real like my my dad, my mom, my brother, my my wife that I had.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um my kid was the only one that kind of journeyed with me along the path.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: But it all my friends, every friend that I ran with back then, gone.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're you know, I they're not on my frequency, which doesn't mean that I'm better than them.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: They just we just don't, it's like two opposing magnets when we're around each other, it's just isn't the right frequency anymore.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, the sacrifice was like my whole old life, you know, my old life, the friendships I knew, everything that I had built, all the belief systems that I structured myself around, football, enjoying football, which I don't even enjoy.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: That was what everyone else enjoyed.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had to learn that like pretty much everything that I had built for myself and who I thought I was was just this like, oh, I like that person and what they have.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take that and make it a part of me.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm gonna take that and make it a part of me.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to like go through letting go of everybody so that I could realize who I was.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was alone, I was alone for three years, like by myself by myself.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_03: Do you do you think that that process of like cherry picking, you know, aspects to be is common to everybody?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_03: Do we all do that?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel like that we do, but I don't think that that's any uh in an aspect, I don't think it's a bad thing if we are unique with it.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you see somebody who's wearing a hat a certain way.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, would you have known to wear your hat that way if they wouldn't have showed you?
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, you putting it on and doing it that way doesn't make you like them.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're not kind of you're not them, you make it your own.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: But there is a certain level, I think, where you do make something your own because you have to conform to the reality around you where like everybody's watching football around me.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: So for me to fit in, I'm gonna become a football fan, even though I really could care less about football.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's whenever you do that, when you pick something up just because you think it's cool or it's gonna make you a better person, adding something onto yourself that you really didn't need, you know what I mean?
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would say that that would be whenever you start to get we all do.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: I think that idea of um you know the matching and mismatching frequencies is really tough.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's really tough because um you can keep your frequency low in order to stay with somebody, whether it's a partner or even a friend.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: But that's like but that's a separate torture, like that's a different torture.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_03: It makes you feel like you're dying.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I know what you mean.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I watched a I don't can't remember who it was, but he said there's like like on energy vampire level, he's like, there's an inherent energy vampire, then there's like a I don't know which it was, a purposeful energy vampire or something.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, he's like friends and family that are sad and low and they're in lower vibrations, constantly bickering, whatever they're doing, and you know they're not gonna change.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: We put ourselves around those people because we're compassionate to them.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: We don't mind to give them a little bit of our energy because we love them, but then there's people who like steal our energy from us by being dick, you know, and all that stuff, and those are the people that we need to stay away from.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, like being around somebody like my mom, who's she's really always negative and pessimistic.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love her.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: Still go be around her and hang out, even though we're not on the same frequency.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when I say frequency, I kind of mean like I can't be myself around these people, is what I mean.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can't go be I can't go to talk to my dad and start talking about my awakening or my music or anything about myself because if I do that, he's gonna freak on me and start disagreeing with me or anything, you know.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I mean by um it and frequency isn't linear, like or not, I don't know if linear is the right word, but you know, we could be me and you could be hanging out and everything's fine until we speak about religion, and then we're off the same frequency, you know.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_03: Like, so anyways, um I guess what I was trying to say is that um you know that we pe we tend to like want to.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: cling to people that we know and love because it's familiar and it's safe when it's not really anything personal.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: It's just like the frequencies aren't a match and you can't stay together.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_03: Like you said, it's kind of like the magnets.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah I left love for everybody that's ever fell away.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's not the same.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: We aren't we aren't the same.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_03: You know yeah tell us a little bit about um how you got into music and what you're doing with your music right now.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: Heck yeah heck yeah so whenever I was younger you know I started rapping when I was like 13 14 years old from all the inspiration from Snoop and um you know um Dre and then Eminem started coming out early on and I just got inspired and was freestyle rapping everywhere I went but to be quite honest from you know 14 to 33 years old I was just this freestyle rapper who would talk about I I would always tell everybody I got nothing to rap about.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I sit on the couch and I smoke herb and I watch TV all day.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like why would I I'm not one of those rappers that's going to talk about like a bunch of stuff that I'm not living.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I had no content to rap about and then I had my spiritual awakening in 2016.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right after my spiritual awakening I realized that the music you listen to programs your mind.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: Subliminal messages are in there all over the place and there's a lot of rappers and artists that are being exploited because they like to talk about pills degrade women or violence and so they'll give them millions of dollars so they go talk about that and rap about that stuff.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know they're doing it they're not like sold their soul the devil but they're being exploited by whoever you know that runs the country to keep us in these lower frequencies so I realized early on the how or what what it was was I seen a Ralph Smart video and was like create infinite abundance for yourself.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're prosperous you can have anything you want in this reality and I was like what's gonna get me that I can be an artist that's what I can do because that's my gift.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was like I can make millions off that and help everybody at first I thought it was this egotistical dream you know trying to be a rapper and then I was driving one night on a full moon and I burst out in tears crying because I realized how many people not only will I awaken through like the seeds I planted early on whenever I do blow up in this music but all the people I can help with that money like all the homeless people I can help and animals that I can help and make shelters and things things like that.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started to get excited about my career started writing music I had six songs wrote by 2018 and then I started recording in 2019 but my premise behind my music is I'm a conscious artist that does not rap about pills.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: I do not rap about women in a great degrading way you'll never hear me rap about women in my music unless I'm talking about a woman I love or something like that.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm never going to call her you know a bitch or a hoe or this or that like all these rappers do.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: So many people don't listen to rap music solely for that reason.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: And like I want to change their minds on rap music and um I put Reiki in on my rap light language is definitely in my hip hop music just because my voice is speaking light language as I rap.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just awakening in itself.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_03: So um I you know it's funny because I can when you speak I feel your your voice in my solar plexus and my in my heart it's like it's like I feel like I've got a speaker in my chest.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's funny yeah I you know I wonder if you've heard that um the music of the past was recorded at a frequency of distortion.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah my music's in 432 it's not in 440 yeah I don't know if you know that I didn't mention that um no you didn't 440 hearts is what they do it to distort our minds right now and I have my uh producer recording everything in mine in 432 okay um yeah because I feel like it's you're it's it's probably you know this the timing is so amazing that you're like hitting your peak right when this technology is available and it's really gonna the world it's really gonna change the world it's it's so much fun.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm dropping a new album like basically as we speak I'm finishing the recording tomorrow and I'll be putting on um all the all the sites everywhere it'll be out by like three days I think yeah um I'm so excited I really I really like it I really like your music and I'm I'm happy to hear you getting launched into the world it's awesome so I just want to check and see like okay so would would this be an okay time to switch to our lightning round yeah okay you're good okay all right well I have one more question I want to ask you first when when did you know that you would have to be public with your path in this way like how did you how did that how I am everything I've been through how public I am with it all yeah um that was an intuitive thing that began happening it I okay so I got on a live video one day and I started crying my eyes out.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: I got real with everybody you know I was tired of I was on I would do I was doing live videos for about a year and I was being all love and light and I wasn't showing anybody any of my darkness nothing like you didn't know I was going through hell at all and I got on there and I said I'm done pretending everything's okay I'm done trying to portray myself as this person that I'm not I just I let loose on there and it just intuitively came out of me that spirit so so many people got out like there was a whole bunch of people on that live a hell of a lot of people got a lot out of it and said that like B thank you for letting me know that you're hurting because now I don't feel so alone and I said and spirit said to me B you know how some people are meant to be the light and show people where to go you're meant to like be that leonitis who's down in there kind of like fighting with them and leading the way as best you can for your people like you know and I I took that to heart I said all right I'll be a Leonitis all day like I'll fight down here with them I don't I don't gotta be out of my shadow work just to help people I can be in the shadow work and show people how to shadow work.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that was like my my ultimate mission online what you see me doing now and my music is all about shadow work.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't even put too much um exposure um what was you could what do you call exposure um I don't try to like expose the alien stuff and talk about that in my music I just talk about how we're healing and waking up you know in the shadow work and aspects of our and your your audience is super engaged with it and it may it that makes me really happy that you know there's this place for people who um you know who are drawn to you to to be yeah definitely yeah be with B.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_00: All right so um all right here we go number one did you have a hero growing up my grandpa my grandpa is like my hero he's uh he was just a really he had like 16 people spawn from his life you know so we had a big family and the way he every time I'm around him and the way he carried himself and how he was in the war he didn't he was a medic in the war and how he was a designer and just I became a designer too like my grandpa and uh just he was just my hero man he's uh he's who I looked up to.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't care too much about sports heroes or any kind of uh artist or anything like that.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't into music until I started getting a little older stuff like that.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_03: My grandpa that's lovely.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_03: If you could learn a new skill what would it be?
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: If I could learn a new skill what would it be?
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh rollerblade and like I can rollerblade but I want to be able to rollerblade like you know like do the like yeah I want to be able to like I really want to be able to uh go in a skate park and like clown on like and get down I bet it'll happen um I kind of wish I could sing but I don't know if that's really a skill is that skill or a talent no I think that's a you could I think that's a spark but have you ever seen the soul have you seen the moon new me new movie soul yet no because I haven't wanted to subscribe to Disney but I'm gonna have to just buy it somewhere else or somewhere like have somebody do the movie.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways yeah spark it's like you're it's like something that makes you like if if you like singing and it makes you feel good by the way as an artist who didn't think I could sing and thought I had a really terrible voice when you put your voice on a microphone and then somebody throws a little bit of uh their plug-ins on it you sound magical no matter who you are so yes sing it sing away man start singing okay do you consider yourself to be romantic uh just a little yeah I'm I'm more I'm more feminine than I am masculine though I am like I said I feel like I am body like a masculine you know but I'm such a romantic I feel sorry for my divine feminine when I meet her she's gonna I've like been bottling up all this romance that I've been wanting to give humans trying trying not to go be like promiscuous and stuff and like I'm not even talking about sexually just I'm gonna shower her in like gifts every day she's gonna be annoyed it's gonna be bad okay which element best represents you uh water uh water what water represents me the best water is my um I will cut right through your ass not no water because um I flow so easily through life um you know you may look at me and say he's going crazy and he looks like he's insane right now and I'll tell you no I'm flowing um I'm feeling all my emotions I'm feeling everything I'm supposed to feel and then I let go of it really quickly everybody's like somebody will go low and be sad for five days I'll go low be sad for two hours and feel the shit out of it and you'll see me freak out online and think I'm having the worst day ever I'm flowing through and feeling my emotions and releasing them I tell people you can purge in a high vibrational way or you can purge lower vibrationally lower vibrational is when you judge your purge I don't want to feel this way I don't want to go through this I don't want this to happen to me why am I here?
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why is this happening to me again?
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of just feeling it and then what can I learn from this?
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah you know that's high vibration so I flow through all that stuff really easily is my opinion.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_03: Well I guess that's why you heard the message that you could handle that kind of awakening because I don't think anybody else would consider that like a go at the flow life.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah yeah it it they they sure wouldn't um they sure wouldn't but yeah for me it's it's like I my intuition and my flow is just so I can just like feel into everything that's happening if it's low vibrational or high vibrational I know where I need to go.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's many times that a lot of people run from the lower vibrational frequencies and I was kind of meant to chase them and discard them.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like instead of like you know everybody wants to run from and suppress their darkness I'm sitting there looking at childhood photos trying to bring darkness up where's it at where are you hidden at I need to know where my shadow is you know and um I've been doing that for four years now and like I'm really coming out of it though that's my my album is called Metamorphosis there's a nice awesome butterfly on the um cover and I feel like it's perfect for me because I'm there I'm in my Chrysalis just about to break out like I'm already a butterfly and I'm ready to be free but I'm just like kind of in there you know yeah and um a lot of people be like B you're not healed yet you're still kind of going crazy online I'm like yes I am I'm healed because I don't judge myself when I get low no more so I don't suffer.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_00: When I go low I just go low I'm sad like a human supposed to feel and then I go right back to being myself and that proved to me that I no longer am what people call unhealed because I've stopped the suffering.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_03: The suffering is not suffering comes from like I believe suffering comes from desire and time but you know that's a whole nother story I I really appreciate that you say that because I think that that really gives people permission to um to really dive into the to the dark stuff that they have it rather than just thinking like it's not supposed to be there.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know yeah that's that's the part of you um if I can that's in in one of my songs I said it I said I the I start the verse out I'll spit it so everything everything in me I used to love is everything that I or everything in me everything in me I came to love is everything that I used to hate.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_00: Lately since I've been making moves people judging every fucking move I make I'm done with the hate and I'm waking my soul do what I want do what I'm told love in my darkness and healing my trauma my these entities creeping I'm throwing a bow but yeah like uh the I love my music because it speaks my truth so well uh my music is so raw and real I don't rap about nothing that there's one line I put in a song because of a woman that isn't one of my real and it was I said skirt I said driving in an NSX or something a car that I've never rode in and don't have that's the only time I've ever told a line we're we're forewarned thank you for that yes um how do you feel about large crowds I'm fine with them I've always been good with them I don't see how I could be an artist who wants to be in front of thousands without being all right with that it's where I thrive it's for my energy um I'm everybody's always been the opposite of me people go to crowds and freak out and they get social anxiety I start to thrive and get excited and try to be the life of the party even though you probably are you're quite an empath as well so that yeah I'm an empath but I've always been very guarded I don't know how I've just always been good at like I can pick up on everyone's emotions but I think since I was a child I was really good at somehow being I was just always all right with crowds.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know spirit put me in a bunch of awkward positions where I had to be in crowds a lot um to be honest you know as a child I had to just evolve and be okay with it and um yeah yeah that's really interesting okay do you my final question for today do you invent words I invent words oh all the time um but they're just nicknames usually I don't like invent like words like per se to like use it in life but I make nicknames up for people and their nicknames evolve through time my cat's name's half squat then he became Mr.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bubs and he became like uh he has specialities and he has bubbilities but don't mistake his specialities for his bubbilities because they're not the same um like I I come up with all kinds of different silly stuff you know like yeah I definitely am like when it comes to word I've noticed in myself that I cannot stop naming other people's dogs when I when I see someone like out walking I'll be like hey Mr.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_03: Jenks or like whatever you know like I just have to name their dogs and it's always a better name than they have for their dog you know I know because I'm like connecting with the spirit of the dog like obviously you're you're Priscilla like it's we have this thing where every time we see animals out that like we all start going oh oh oh and we all like the owners always look at us like what is going on right now.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_00: Animals are my uh most favorite thing on the planet my cat quick story I was crying on the porch two years ago when I first moved in my house so when I first moved out and got on my own and he came up sort of rubbing up on my legs it's like 3 30 in the morning and then he did not leave my porch for 11 days I was not gonna feed him because cats come back when you feed them and he did not leave my porch so I finally let him in my house and he's still here to this day he came and found me like it was the coolest story.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_00: He's pretty awesome though yeah yeah all right so did you bring a question for me today uh I wanted to ask you about um is there anything that divine feminines like any any kind of advice you can give us divine masculines just for how to better aid in your guys' healing process um we suck at like knowing how to hold space for you guys so like what like if if you're in a bad place and you're sad and you're like wounded and feeling down how can a man be there for you without trying to help you or fix you like like what what's like what do you guys expect like what would you ask of us yeah um I feel like this might be something so um personal because it depends on what you've what you've had and how that wasn't working for you and what you like a friendship not a relationship like a friendship like if you're my friend you're and you're down and you're low how can a man come at you without being disrespectful and like be there for you I will tell you that the number one thing that I would appreciate is curiosity okay like curiosity curiosity like get curious about me going on with you and like like and like ask questions and stuff and like and not just be like like you know deer in the headlight as a man I didn't clarify I guess what I meant like as a man um women have really scared the shit out of us men to be your friends are even be there for you because you guys make us think that like you think that if we're talking to you that it's about romance because so many men are like that on the planet right you know they try to talk to you so like a lot of my friends are low or something on Facebook but I don't want to hop in their inbox or write them when they're low and think that I'm trying to like come in and stay with them when they're sad or come at them romantically or anything.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like what kind of energy can we bring to you guys to not make you guys think that anything different than that you know what I mean like yeah I think that's actually really coming up in the collective because we've been so irresponsible with our sexual energy men and women and I I I have seen in myself that um if I want if I have like the impulse to reach out to someone a man usually I don't do it right away I check to make sure that you know I'm like fully embodied in my energy that I'm being responsible for my energy.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah your intention is yeah and so and I I notice that's like sometimes the initial reaction it's it's not like it it is a little bit you know grabby or whatever you want to call it.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_03: So I think like being responsible for your energy is going to be critical.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that we're starting to understand that a lot better now.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah now that you say that spirit said to me in my head they're like you can feel someone's energy when they write you what their intention is behind it just by what they say and things like that, you know, whether they're being nice or they're whatever.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah makes sense.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah so yeah because it seems like there's a big struggle between the masculine and feminine communicating on the planet.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and you know and it's just growing pains it's just growing pains.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh it is totally it's part of it I know it is you know and I like I try I try to take every every opportunity that I can to tell men and in the collective that myself and many women I know love men.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_03: Like I want to see men prosper and I want to see them come into themselves and I want them to release the programming that they've been enslaved to also you know I I see them as um equal partners in this process and I'm really supportive of of that.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah that's epic.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah yeah just uh that's that's one thing that I still struggle with is trying to I guess create that dialogue between women and men to like get us healing between each other and not doing it in such an angry hateful way I guess you could say like you know I mean be responsible all right so um that's it for today I want to thank you so much for being here I hope that you had a good time and I hope our listeners can benefit from this and we'll your music all how to reach you and how to um sample your work will all be in the notes so all right appreciate it thank you so much guys have a great day later bye bye