Latest / Mrs. PIE / Igniting the Spark: How Toyasha Albert Is Empowering the Next Generation of Girls

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Igniting the Spark: How Toyasha Albert Is Empowering the Next Generation of Girls · Mrs. PIE

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Sorry, Wakoke Music.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: We just had our first y'all, so thank you to all the folks who are on Parade Deco Live TV who just pinged me and was like where you at?
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, listen, it's been a long week, but I am so excited to have you on the show.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I apologize, I was busy talking to her.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I was about to get into some questions.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: But welcome everybody to our very special episode called Wildflowers and in these particular episodes we're going to be talking to women who's really come through some adversities, get some inspiration and some encouragement.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: That'll help you kind of grow stronger in your own way.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: So let's do it again and say welcome.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Hello Shelley oh my gosh, all right.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: So really quick shout out to the folks that are watching on Facebook, on LinkedIn, on YouTube, twitter and especially on Parade Deco Live TV, and also for the folks who are going to be listening by our podcast later this week.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: So what we're going to do is we're going to get in my guest, we're going to get in her business because she's doing amazing things, and I think you, I honestly think that you're going to really be able to bless somebody else who has, who's going through some things and just needs some inspiration.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: So we're going to dig into self and what self means and what self is, and a little bit more about your journey.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: So why don't we just start there?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: So we know that you are the founder of self S-E-L-F, do you believe?
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: So can you tell us a little bit about what that is and how?
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: How did you come to do this?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Sure?
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: First, thank you for allowing me to be a part of this wonderful production super excited and super to share.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Self is an acronym for self-determination, empowerment, love and freedom.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: It is an empowerment program for girls five through 18, and I teach girls how to become their authentic self through their individual power.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Wow, wow.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: So how did you start this?
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Like, what made you go?
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm gonna do?
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Something, cause there's a lot of listen.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of women who have gone through things, who are survivors in their own right but don't necessarily take on this type of journey.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Like you know, we kind of we learn for ourselves.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: We might teach our own kids, but we're not giving back in the way that you are.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: So what made you decide to go in this way?
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: To you know, really, really focus on girls.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So in what's that?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: 2008, 2010,?
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I was a stay at home mom and we were victims of the financial collapse and my husband at the time lost his job, and so we were financially strapped.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: We were in a financial calamity and, to be honest with you, it was a very fearful and I didn't know what our next move would be.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I went to go back into the job market well, searching anyway for employment, being that he was unemployed, and so I started, you know, grasping at straws to see what I could do to help, you know, reestablish or elevate the family, and to no avail, nothing prospered.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: And so I remember just asking God, like, what is it that you'll have me to do?
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: You know, kind of, yeah, and I love to journal.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: And so I went to journal, just, you know, releasing emotions, frustration and, to be honest with you, shelly, it was like something had come over me.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I was in a trance-like state as I began to write and when I came out of it, I had the letters S-E-L-F, which stands for self-determination, empowerment, love and freedom.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I had my colors, which were green and white.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I had my mission to teach girls how to become their authentic self through their individual power.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I had the ages, which were 5 to 18, and I basically had a framework.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: So you know, they always say be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And at that moment I said, perfect, I have something to do now.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But the interesting part of all of that was that I honestly thought it was work to do to help other girls when in actuality, self was me.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: That is powerful Self is and that point of reflection it's going to be passion and want to help others, because a lot of us, you know we want that right, that's our kind of the core of our heart.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: But you do have to start with yourself, because if you're going to help others, you really have to.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: You can't teach what you don't know, right, right.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: So I love that.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: When you were thinking about this age range, is there a reason that you focused on this particular age range?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Initially you know I'm being obedient so God said 5 to 18, but after I realized it was focused on intervention and prevention Wow.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: So the work that I do is to prevent girls from having lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem, the feelings of unworthiness, lack of safety, lack of security.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: It's to kind of pour these things inside of them at a younger age so, as they're growing and developing, there's less intervention on the other side.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: So focusing more on prevention.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: How do you do that, though?
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: So I'm thinking I'm a mom, so I'm going to get some free advice.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: How do you do that when you have especially for girls that look like us, for those who can't see us, we're too beautiful black women, okay, but how do you do that when our girls, I will say, have it much harder than maybe some others in terms of just in society?
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: That's the facts, that's the truth.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: How do you build them back up to be confident?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: A lot of times, as we get older, we've been told some of us have been told that we're being bossy.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: All of a sudden, you get all these stigmas attached to you you have any form of confidence.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: And other women sometimes will knock us down.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: How do you?
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Help girls really find that, really identify even who they are at such a young age and then help them build up their confidence.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: What's the way that you do that with the girls?
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: So self is a.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: We do group work.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: So I have a minimum of four, a maximum of 15 to keep the integrity of the group, to actually have the healing transpire.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: So in this aspect less is more and we meet once a week for an hour and a half up to a school calendar year, but my average has been about my sweet spot has been about 12 weeks.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: And we start with the curriculum.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: So the curriculum I've developed self-determination, empowerment, love and freedom are the four pillars and we go through each pillar.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: We start with self-determination, but before we can get to the determination part, we're focusing on the self.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So the girls go through a series of workshops and I teach through the five senses.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: So it's not just you know, I'm speaking to them and they're listening, they're engaged, they're utilizing their hands, their bodies, their eyes, their smell, because we create things as well.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: And so we start with self.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Who are you?
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because I ask women that all the time and they're like okay, so you mean I'll be whoever you want me to be, and I'm like, no, or they identify themselves without other people identify with them, right?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: So it's so interesting that I did have.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I was with the high school group earlier this year and the young lady struggled so hard to define herself.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: She just couldn't without someone else's opinion or, as I say, without someone else's stank on her name, you know.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: And it was not, and I said no, no, no.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I said who are you?
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: And she was like, oh my God, I don't know who I am.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I said bingo.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And so we work through that because before you can be determined or to do or be anything, you have to know who you are, even if it's just at a descriptive level, which is I am black, I am white, I am Latino, I am a female.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Toyasha.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: You know, I am a mother, I am a daughter.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: You need to know those basic descriptive things.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: But then and then we build the rest.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: So once you know who you are, you can be determined to be that right.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Empowerment is the development of your inner strength.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: What happens is determination can only typically go so far, like we can be determined to be a lot of different things.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: But what happens when that runs out?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: What happens when we are in that valley?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: What happens when we're in that wilderness?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And it's like, okay, I'm tired, now I can't go on any further, and I'm sure you've felt that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I know I have.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: And then this empowerment kicks in, and empowerment is our inner strength.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Then we have love, love of self, but also love of others.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: So we're creating and defining empathy.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And when you love yourself, that's how real love begins, because you're understanding and recognizing and cognizant of you, know how you slip up, how you make mistakes, how you know you weren't so nice yesterday and how you know you need forgiveness.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: And so when other people are interacting with you, you're developing that empathy because it's like, well dang, I'm not so perfect either, I'm not so well-rounded, I need to make room for other people.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: And then freedom is freedom of freedom from what holds you back and freedom to do the things that you want.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Because, let's just face it, everyone has some level of trauma or past hurt that we have to get over.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: And so, you know, those negative thoughts can be so influencing in how we see ourselves, and so we have to kind of negate that and build ourselves up out of that by being powerful, pouring in the good of who we are and accepting and forgiving for whatever.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: So that's what freedom is about.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: And so we do that through weekly workshops for an hour and a half and then we conclude our workshops after you know the 12 weeks, if it's 12 weeks of the school calendar year.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: We conclude that with a ascension ceremony that is my take on a commencement, where the girls are celebrated and they receive a certificate of completion and then a special gift for being diligent and determined to discover who they are and to understand.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: And we, you know we talk about a lot of different things in there.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: So the curriculum covers goal setting, building healthy relationships, regulating emotions, you know how to communicate effectively so a lot of different things and you know how one feels about themselves.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So a lot of things that girls are going through right now are incorporated in the curriculum and how we go about it.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: So how does your faith help you?
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Because I mean so.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: This is where, like whenever I talk to successful individuals like yourself, I try to warn people, like a lot of times people y'all are hearing her story after it's been a while.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's not.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: You're coming in, sometimes midway in the journey, sometimes towards you know what I mean when you're actually reaping the harvest, not necessarily still planting the seed.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: And I was curious, because this is such a hard place to be trying to build up self-confidence within girls, especially young girls, but that does take a toll on even you, and so I was curious, like how did you get here?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: How did your faith help you so that you could help other girls or help girls?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting that you asked this question.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: When God gave it to me, I wasn't necessarily connected to the things that I had experienced, my wilderness and the obstacles and challenges that I overcame, and it wasn't until I had this spiritual awakening where I had to go back and to some of my childhood trauma.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I was sexually abused at five years old and my father passed away or transitioned when I was in middle school and I am also a product of teen pregnancy, so my mother was 16 when she had me.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I experienced neglect on so many levels and, you know, occasionally I may have been physically abused as well.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think we in our black community saw that as physical abuse.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: It's called a good old whipping.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: But when you're whipping with tools and things of that nature, and you know it has a way of diminishing your value when your needs go unmet, when you're lacking safety, you know it creates and breeds unworthiness.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: And so those attachments grew up with me, and you know I used to, and it affected me for a very long time and it also affected how I developed relationships with people, you know, not just with the opposite sex, with the same sex.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: You know I had built all these walls so we're talking professionally, personally and I had built these walls at the walls of Jericho is what I call them.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: And I have built these walls to protect myself from harm, because I realized I'm not safe.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not safe in your care, I'm not safe with you, so I have to take care of myself.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Which meant I'ma get you before you get me, but it was counterproductive because it kept me in the sunken place as opposed to getting the deliverance.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: So, shelly, I've been through the deliverance I mean the exodus, the deliverance and now I'm in the promised land.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I love that and thank you so much for sharing that and sharing your heart and just being transparent, because I just want people to understand, like you know, I celebrate the success but I also recognize and honor the pain and you know people need to understand that it does.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: It does take work to get to where you are emotionally, spiritually, all of the leads okay.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: It's not.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: You know, she's not just popping up here saying I had a dream about helping girls and that was that there's literally things that you have to be able to do to stretch and get yourself out of that situation, because you know, empty vessels pour no oil.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: So the fact that you have done that, you've overcome so much, I think that's what makes your program stand out and why girls are drawn to you is because they can look at you and say, well, you would understand the pain that I'm in and where I'm going to, versus someone who's just coming up with like I got another program, I got a nonprofit and a program and they're not really.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: They have an experience, so they can't really connect with the girls like you can.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: So I just want to drop that selfless you know shameless plug that this is part of the why that you need to be working with her is that, again, she's connecting with kids in a different.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: You know we use the word authentic a lot, but I think it's just the foundation is different, it's just real, like we used to say back in the 90s right, it's just, she's just real for real, real.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: And I think that's what people are going to get out of working with you, so I'm curious about where you know.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: What do you have?
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Do you have things that are going on right now that people can kind of tap into?
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: We'll include your website so folks can know where to find you, but what are some of the things that you're working on currently?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: So right now we're planning, we're in our planning stages and working on our funding.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: We are a nonprofit, so giving two states coming up in November where we'll be, you know, trying to collect funds.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: We're writing grants so that we can kick off another and I'm in the process of partnering with other schools and youth servicing organizations, because I don't see that those entities as competition.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I see them as potential partners, because the work that I do is a little bit different.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Yes, there's mentoring and there's empowerment is live and well but we focus on social, emotional learning and the key is self-awareness you know yes.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Being aware of self and how you think, feel and act.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: So those are our key ingredients to this development and transformation that we create through our programming.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: So we're planning right now and then I'm hoping to release I want to release a middle school component in either the spring or sometime late winter, where I'm going to open it up to the community.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: So I serve six counties.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I serve City of Atlanta, fulton, clayton, cobb, ticab and Gwinnett.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: So a lot of my work has been in Gwinnett because I lived in Gwinnett and now I'm in Atlanta, so you know the harvest is plenty here.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I am trying to one kind of expand my network so that's my focus so that I can gird up and get ready to watch something else which will be either independent, which is something that I do on my own, which you know my website and social media, where those opportunities will be, and then also in partnership with schools or youth serving organization, where I will work with their target audience.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: That is amazing and I love.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: You know, by the way, the counties that she's naming for those who are listening or not familiar, it's we're in Georgia.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: So if you're within the, if you're here in the state of Georgia and she didn't list your county, you still need to hit her up, cause maybe she can help your school as well.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: And again, this program.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I think the other reason I think it's so cool is that when you talk that example that you shared, asking the young woman, that identity question, and can I just say sometimes us moms are the ones that are skewing these identity responses because we are telling our girls who they are based on our experience, our lived experience.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I'm so-and-so, I did so-and-so, and so therefore you got to be like me, or even skewing it to the point where you know it's got to be better than me.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: So now we're dictating hi Nate.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Now we're dictating you know who our girls should be.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: And I think if you're in that position and you're that parent or you're a teacher or an administrator and you have, you know, students within this age is a program that you really want to tap into.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Just have her come in and just have the conversation about you know how.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: You know how you can help, or you know, basically help our girls.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: You know, as a part of our community, let's help each other.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: So, before I wrap, I wanted to see if there's anything that you wanted to share, and I just want to make sure that I'm giving you the space to share anything else that we might have missed.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Absolutely so.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I'm also an author and I'm a certified life coach, so I work with girls one-on-one and it's a compliment to therapy.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: If that's something that existing girls are already in, or if girls are kind of a little removed from therapy and they're not comfortable, then you know we can coach our way through some of our challenges.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: So I'm that as well as an author, and I created in 2020 because I had to stop my workshops, because we were no longer touching and agreeing that I put my program to a journal and it's called you Matter, a self-awareness journal for middle and high school students.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: These items are featured on my website and I'm just a click away and you can find me at wwwselfselfdothelearnorg.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: The letter you believecom.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: S-E-L-L-F-D-U-B-L-E-Vcom.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Y'all, I'm so grateful for this.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I definitely want to say a special thank you for sharing your personal story.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: You know, like I said, I'm sure this is going to bless somebody else, so I really appreciate that you're, that you're, you shared your heart and you've been transparent, and you know y'all, please, please, check her out, go to her site, support a black business, one that's actually helping our kids, and I'm just so grateful for you.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming on, thank, you for having me, Shelley.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the opportunity and I love, love, love.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: What I do, absolutely All right, see, and the passion is behind it.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: So listen y'all, y'all get with my friend Y'all.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: Thanks so much for watching.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Have a good night.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: We'll hang out in the back while we close out.