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SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_BONUS EPISODE _79_ HOST BLAQUE DIAMOND · DA CREW Podcast

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Hey, ho, hey, and welcome to another episode of the Proof I
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Cast. I am your visionary Queen Angela. And if you are a diva
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amplify your boy person versus me as nurses me all things and what things do?
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Stupid? Where has you all? The blue Sky's boot boys, the
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putting you on the path to writing your book Basic Black after Dark, an
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all new podcast show with your host Black Diamond. Everybody, this is Black
2:54
Diamond from the Crew Network and you're listening to Basic Black After Dog to show
3:02
that gives you what you want and give you what you ask for. Although
3:07
the well known case of Mary Ellen Wilson is acknowledged as the beginning of the
3:12
child protection movement in America, it led to the founding of the New York
3:16
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in eighteen seventy four. But little
3:23
do so many people know is that the case of Emily Thompson is believed to
3:29
have been the first case in this country in which the child was removed from
3:34
their home and brought to a court of law because of physical abuse. So,
3:38
in other words, Mary Ellen's case was actually recorded and it was taken
3:44
through a totally different system which launched it in the New York Society. But
3:49
the case with Emily Thompson, it was just a removal, so it wasn't
3:53
recorded. But we do know about it, at least some people do.
3:57
Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse,
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and neglect are the four most common types of child abuse, with neglect being
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the number one form of child abuse. The Department of Social Services helps provide
4:13
a safe place for children who are maltreating. Surprisingly enough, poetry can give
4:18
a safe space to express deep seated emotions. My guest tonight is a survivor
4:24
of child abuse. She reads and writes poetry. She taps into her animal's
4:29
feelings as it gives her a voice. It's like opening a window to her
4:33
soul, allowing her to explore and release what might otherwise stay hidden. Please
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welcome author and poet Sahia Hagan. Excuse me to Basic Black after Dark.
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Thank you, good evening, everyone, good evening. Thank you for having
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me. Oh, thank you so much for being a part of Basic Black
4:58
after Dark. I want to tap into a little bit of who you are.
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You hold the bachelor's degree in psychology, two master's degrees, one in
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Education and Guidance and Counseling and one in mental health counseling. By educating,
5:15
how has that empowered you to take responsibility for your own healing? So I
5:23
think, just naturally, I grew up in a home that education was really
5:28
important. My parents stressed that, you know, a good education would take
5:31
you far, and to take advantage of every opportunity. I think just by
5:39
going on that path and you know, understanding the importance of education, that
5:46
that has allowed me to meet different people, particularly by birthing on my books,
5:54
and to really understand my own journey of healing as well as understanding the
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emotional uh part that is behind the healing journey as a survivor. So I
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think number one, it was just naturally from my parents because they raised me
6:15
to take advantage of every educational experience, and I think it just grew from
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there of opening doors of understanding for me and my healing journey and then turning
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to help others in their healing journey. Well, we're great, We're grateful
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for your parents to push that education on you and for you following through Alman
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Thomas says that she was a teacher and she was a mandated reporter. Yes,
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teachers are mandated reporters. Police are mandated reporters, doctors and nurses are
6:48
mandated reporters. It's just the list goes on and on and who are mandated
6:54
reporters. Believe it or not, your neighbor should be a reporter. They
6:59
should not allow for this to happen. I believe everybody should be a mandated
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reporter, It should be a duty to report child abuse. Sometimes it was
7:09
difficult to make that call, Yes, Am, yeah, I understand it
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through and through that. Yes, it can be difficult to make the call.
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But as a teacher, as a human being, you have to make
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that call because the child's life is at stake. So so how does it
7:25
impact the lives of those who you work with? How did education impact the
7:30
lives? So I think my whole experience of being a survivor of child sexual
7:39
abuse, I think it makes me more sensitive right and to the needs of
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our children. I think it makes me more aware of the signs because having
7:50
endured that, I'm more aware of what to look for in our children and
7:56
just being aware of their their mental state when things are not as they should
8:03
be or they're not functioning in their normal the way that they would normal normally
8:09
function. So I think it makes me a bit sensitive, more sensitive than
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maybe somebody who has not gone through child sexual abuse. And I feel like
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I'm more aware of certain things that our children deal with, and it doesn't
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per se have to be about child sexual abuse, just being more aware of
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when they're not themselves and looking for signs and symptoms, So I think that's
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how that helps me. Do you feel good times? I'm not sure if
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you're a good eating in Latiania. Thank you for joining us. Are you
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an individual who have work directly with children at this point in time as a
8:56
reporter? So as of right now? But is that what you're asking?
9:01
So I am a mandated reporter. I work for a New York City public
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school system. I do therapy work on the side as well, So yes,
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I'm a mandated reporter across the board, right, So I am obligated
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if I suspect there is any form of abuse neglect that I am obligated to
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report that. Prior to even me working in the school system, I work
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for children's services, so that's all I've done for like actually most of my
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career. So I can't say as the other caller, she mentioned that it
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can be a hard call to make, but when you have to, when
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you have to make it, you make it right because that is your that's
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your job, that's what you agree to do when you signed up for this
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work. So I definitely understand it can be difficult, but you know,
10:00
you make it. You do what you have to do. So yeah,
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some you mentioned earlier that you are sensitive to it because you were unfortunately you
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are a survivor of it. Do you think some people are overly sensitive?
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Maybe someone are not survivors and they just have it. You know, children
10:18
are their heart and they go hard for their children. I've seen some workers
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who are very sensitive and they wind up in tears, you know, and
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it is it is very tearful where it's traumatizing to them as well the trauma
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that they hear, the trauma that they see, and things that they're learning
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with this. Yeah, So I think if possible for anyone to be sensitive,
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including someone who has survived, you know, child sexual abuse, and
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I think that speaks to the healing phase that you're in. Like so for
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me, I'm able to distinguish like okay, I can handle this, right
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know, what I'm able to handle, or when it's just too close to
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home, right so being aware of my healing journey and or my mental state
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where I am at the time. So I think it's possible for someone to
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have actually endured, endored it to be overly sensitive. And I also feel
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like because we see so much on social media, we see so much on
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the news of children being hurt, children being molested. It's it can be
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very heartbreaking, and it can you know, it can cause you to be
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extremely sensitive to their needs because of you know, the state of just the
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state of our world. But I think it's more of where you are in
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your own mental health, you know, journey, and just being aware of
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that, particularly when you are engaging with children, because that can impact how
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you how you engage with them. Yeah, right, Alma's accent. Why
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is it so hard to get a child removed? Okay, so danger in
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a dangerous situation. So I'm just going to speak on what I know.
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I'm by no means an expert. I've been in the field for you know,
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a couple of years, but I will say, having worked for Children's
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Services and now work for New York City Public schools, I will say that
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there is a shift of trying to work with families and trying to reunite them
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and provide services and support. I think they have come And when I say
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they, I'm I'm speaking about Children's Services, right. I think they have
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come away from taking children out of the homes, and so I think their
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goal is really to you know, reunite families, make sure families stay intact,
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but while they're doing that, provide services to the family. So it's
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really not the same children's services that it was when I worked for them,
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and that's just what several years ago. And depending on who you ask,
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that may be a good thing and that may be a bad thing. And
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it also can depend on the situation that you know the children are in.
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So it's definitely a different time and the goals are different. It definitely is
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when a child is in imminent danger. That's when the child is removed from
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the home. An investigation has to happen in order for them to deem it
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an imminent danger. The goal, as Saya said, is to keep the
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family together, to reunify them, to preserve the family. There are different
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programs and from state to state they can be different as far as the removal
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process and everything. And I used to work in New York as well.
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Some places of TPS WOIULD work with the family and try to send them through
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family preservation so they can try to preserve the family and give the family the
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things that they need to support systems that they have so it can prevent the
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child from coming back into care. So, and I wouldn't say that it
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was hard to remove them or difficult. They just have to make sure that
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they're making the right decision as far as why the child is removed before they
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remove the child. So, Siah, most victims of child abuse, and
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thank you so much Alma for that question. Most victims of child abuse know
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their abuses. Did you know your abuse them? If so, was the
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abuse of a family member or friend of the family. Yeah. So,
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I was sexy abused on two occasions when I was younger, one at the
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age of twelve and one at the age of fourteen, And I knew both
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of my abusers. One was a blood real ti it was a cousin,
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and one was like a cousin. Our family was was really close. So
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yes, it is true that a lot of people who are subjected to abuse
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that they do they are familiar with their abuses. Yeah so I didn't know.
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Well, how has this affected you emotionally? Ah, I can go
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on for days for that. I can definitely say that I think God that
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I I am not where I was right. I do feel like healing is
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a continual process, you know, just from the basic things it's it presents
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a trust issue for anyone who has who knows someone who has violated them,
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right, and that person was once somebody that was you know, they trusted
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and was considered a friend or a close family friends. So it definitely presents
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issues of mistrust, right. So that's definitely one of the impacts of being
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sexy abused, particularly as a child, there's you develop trust issues and you
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don't not not only not trust others, but you don't really trust yourself at
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times, right, So you start to question a lot of a lot of
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things. You start to question, oh, maybe I did something wrong,
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because that which is a which is like a telltale sign with a lot of
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people who have endoored abuse that you know, they start to question themselves,
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They blame themselves, they judge themselves, I did something wrong, you know,
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why did I do this? And so those are just some of the
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things that I have struggled with, and many people who have been victims of
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abuse have struggled with. And it's it's it's always like a process, right,
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Some things that you you are like you feel like you've come away from
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and I'm doing much better, and then there's other things like, yeah,
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I still need to work on this, area. So it's I think it's
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so important just to be aware of and I said this early and regards to
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being aware of where you are in your mental state in your own journey of
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healing. I happen to endure, you know, sexual abuse, but we
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all have traumas that we have dealt with, right and there's so many side
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effects of trauma. We have some questions coming in. One was from D
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Jones. I believe that D was saying that, oh my God, when
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you heard of your story, and then they suggested that to read their book.
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I think the book was hold on with both hands. Families tend to
17:52
secure their abuse or rather than console their abused, and they want to know
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why. Yeah, families tend to secure the abuse because they think I'm a
18:03
survivor as well. Many don't know that. And I didn't come out to
18:08
my family until I was in my forties, maybe in my fifties when I
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first told my family and they were shocked. I guess they understand why I
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feel the way that I do around the children in the family and why I
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have so many children right now. You know, I'm a mother of twelve,
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a bonus child, a bonus with thirteen, and I parented the twelve.
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I didn't give birth to all the twelve three all my biological but I
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always felt as though I needed to take care of them. I didn't want
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them to go through what I went through. And they're all family members,
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so that's why I had taken them in along with the love for them,
18:47
and just didn't want them to be hurt in any way, whether any of
18:51
them was sexual abused, emotional abuse, physical abuse, I just needed to
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do that. Alma's accent, did you tell someone? And for me took
19:00
me so many years before I told anyone. Some may ask why didn't you
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tell Well, this person at the time threatened to harm family members if I
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said anything. So as a child, that happened to me as a child,
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I was afraid of this person. I think most people were afraid of
19:18
this person, so I didn't want anybody harmed. My question to you,
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and this question, Alma says, did you tell someone? On top of
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that, answered Alma's question, did you tell someone? Have you forgiven your
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abuses? Yeah, so I'm going to ask I'm going to answer the first
19:37
one. Did I tell someone? So? I told my parents at the
19:42
time about my blood cousin, right, the one, and he had one
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of the things they talk about as far as people that abuse is the access.
19:56
So he had easy access to me because he lived with us, right.
20:00
He was coming to New York because he wanted to you know, you
20:06
know, make it for himself. He wanted to be independent, and so
20:08
he stayed with us at the time. So I did tell my parents.
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And the reason why I did tell my parents is because he threatened me,
20:18
so I had to. I felt like at that time he was he did
20:26
several things that was sexual abuse. But I felt like at the time that
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I was going to be fourteen and pregnant, right, And that's all I
20:38
could view myself, being a fourteen year old girl and pregnant, and that
20:45
terrified me. And it terrified me enough to leave a note under my mother's
20:51
makeup compact. And I talk about that in The Silent Cries of a Black
20:55
Girl where I tell my story. And so that terrified me enough to tell
21:00
my mom. My mom then told my father when he came home. And
21:06
like most young black girls who are daddy's girls, and I was a daddy
21:11
girl at the time, he lost it. He lost it and he confronted
21:18
my cousin, and there was just a whole slew of things that happened after
21:23
that. The police responded it was just a big deal. It wasn't until
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probably years later that I told them about the first encounter, which was the
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one that was like a cousin to me, right, So I did tell
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I did tell my parents about both incidents, one when I was younger and
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then as I got older, and that was hard. That was hard because
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I didn't know how to share that with my parents, and I did not
21:56
verbally say it. I actually just wrote it. And that's why I left
22:00
a note for her, because I was just like, I don't even know
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how I'm going to see how I'm going to say this to her. So
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I wrote a note and I found if it's somewhere that I knew she was
22:08
going to find it, and I was that was under her makeup compact.
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So I was like, she's going to find it there. If I leave
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it there, she will find it. And for the latter question, thank
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you for the latter question. I feel like I've forgiven my abusers. And
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one of the things that I talk about and I have talked about so many
22:30
times is that forgiveness doesn't mean that I allow you back in. You don't
22:36
think I have asked just because I said that I have forgiven you, I
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can genuinely say that I have forgiven my abusers. Do I want to be
22:47
around them? No, I you know I will if I have to.
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Like I said, one of them is my blood cousin. So I kind
22:56
of prepare myself. I have prepared myself and I have my twols, I
23:00
have my strategies, I have my support network that I if I know that
23:04
I have to be around him, I prepare myself in that way. I
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pray, I ask for guidance, I tap into my resources because that's not
23:15
something that I want to do, right, So forgiveness does not mean access.
23:22
I just want to say that I feel like I have so. Yeah,
23:30
but you know, at the time that I forgave the person was deceased,
23:37
I had that, and that was prior to me telling anybody. You
23:40
know, I felt as though at that time, I don't even know why
23:44
I felt as though that was what I needed to do. I think it
23:48
was because I found out other people were sexually assaulted and also sexually abused and
23:56
child abused, and I wanted to say something, and I didn't know whether
24:03
it was by the same person when they were telling their story. And then
24:07
when I started doing the math, this person had already died and they weren't
24:12
born at the time, you know, for some so I knew that couldn't
24:17
be the person. But I knew that when I wrote my book and it
24:21
came out, other people was telling me about them that it had happened to
24:26
them. And the only thing that I can do at that time was to
24:33
of course make the phone call, call the police. But what I got
24:38
from the police was this person has to make the call because that person is
24:41
now an adult, so that person has to make that call. And I
24:45
told the person so they can make that call. And I don't know whether
24:52
they made the call. But I haven't said anything else to this person,
24:56
you know about that. They never spoke to me again about anything. Don't
25:00
know how they're feeling about me. I'm hoping they don't feel as though I
25:03
didn't support them or I didn't do anything. My hands were tied at that
25:08
point because that's what I was told by the police. Then, now an
25:11
adult, I didn't know it happened to this person as a child, and
25:18
I will say for me, it's extremely hard. And I think for me,
25:26
I did not want to be consumed by anger, because anger that was
25:30
different for me. Yeah, I think for me to anger because this person
25:38
was like a father figure to me and I thought he was the most powerful
25:45
person in the world and I've looked up to him. So it wasn't that
25:52
after his death I was relieved. It was who can other people in this
26:00
family go to? Who did not know what he did, but they were
26:07
able to go to him for other kinds of support that I've seen him give
26:11
to them, And that was where it was. You was able to give
26:15
them the support. But why weren't you like this with me? Some were
26:18
girls and some was guys. Why was it me? Why did you choose
26:22
to do this to me. I don't know whether they did it to other
26:26
people, but as I was growing, I'm beginning to believe maybe you did
26:30
and they hadn't said anything. But it can be an emotional roller coaster when
26:37
that happens, you know, I think that for a long time, I
26:44
tucked it away and just said, you know, he's dead, I can
26:48
go on. But then I found myself taking children and being forced to parents
26:52
and whatnot. So I don't think that I've ever let it go. It's
26:56
just that I know that this person can't can't come back to hurt me.
26:59
So I started parenting myself to get myself through that, and that's what got
27:03
me through it. And I'm gonna ask did your cousin serve time? So
27:11
before I even answer that question, I just want to share that you know,
27:15
you you talked about your abuse of being a powerful person, and I
27:21
think that's what what when we talk about abuse, abuse is always about power
27:26
and control, one person having power over another one. And you know when
27:33
I mentioned power, I'm talking about as a little girl, you're looking at
27:37
like before the abuse, like this man he was like he was the strength
27:47
of us growing up. He was that person that if something happened, you
27:52
can go to them and you know that they will take care of everything.
27:56
So that's the kind you know. And as a teenager, you know,
28:00
because I was a teenager and this person was still alive at that time,
28:04
so it was different. It wasn't gonna I knew that at that point it
28:07
wasn't gonna happen. But I know they knew that. I didn't say anything
28:11
because I know something would have happened if it did, and I just was
28:15
very mindful of the other children that were around. And I guess family members
28:21
always thought she's very mean, but they just never knew my story and I
28:26
just didn't want to share it when anybody's always kept that in. But I
28:29
was very protective. And I have family members now that I said, they
28:33
said, you're just so overprotective. And I just came out to one family
28:37
member of what happened because they were a child, they're still a child,
28:40
and they, you know, it was one of my children, wanted to
28:41
know why I was so protective, and I wound up telling them why I
28:45
was so protective and why I am still that way of anybody's child, anybody's
28:52
children, if a neighbor's child come to my house, and I'm just protective,
28:56
and that's just who I am. And it's just it's just hard to
28:57
get passed. Yeah, it's so unfortunate, because I feel like that is
29:03
part of it, right, the we look up to certain people, and
29:07
one of the things that I talk about in The Silent Rise is grooming,
29:11
right, and I think that that is part of it. The person that
29:17
you would least likely suspect someone that everybody loves, someone that people you know,
29:22
even children, as you said, they you looked up to this individual,
29:26
right, And so I feel like that's all a part of the what
29:32
we call the grooming phase to make it make you comfortable. And so when
29:36
it's happened and you're like, this just can't be real, like this,
29:40
this didn't really happen, it's almost like you question as if it happened,
29:44
or like sometimes you feel like you may have actually had like an outer body
29:48
experience, like this is happening because that has happened to me, Like this
29:52
is actually happening to someone else, It's not really happening to me, And
29:56
then you realize, no, it has this is you. This has happened
30:00
to you, you know, And that's when we kind of like we can't
30:04
believe it. We're in that phase like did this really happen? Yeah,
30:08
it really happened, because you can't you know, you're still in the phase
30:12
of disbelief, like I can't believe that, I can't believe this person would
30:17
do such a thing. Before go to a break, I'm going to ask
30:22
you what advice would you give to others who will face similar situations in the
30:25
beginning about to begin their journey through healing. Get help. Yeah, don't
30:32
ignore your feelings. Don't don't pretend like it didn't happen. As I just
30:37
finished speaking about, get support and that is through therapy. Talk to someone
30:45
about it. Don't pretend like it's not fair, because it did. That
30:51
it needs to be. It needs to be addressed. So that would be
30:55
what you know I said. Just parents, use your listening, ear and
30:59
and listen to your children. Sometimes they may not say anything when I say
31:03
listen, listen for signs, watch for signs, because there's a change in
31:07
behavior that happens. Attitudes that happens is just to shift in being around people,
31:15
the way that they respond when others are around. Maybe the abuser is
31:21
around, maybe they don't like being around them as much, they won't sit
31:23
near them, or you know, it's just so many tell tale signs that
31:29
you really need to start to pick up on with your little girls and your
31:33
little boys as well. But not functioning the way he or she you know
31:42
once did know when something is different, and that requires us to have a
31:47
rapport without children and when something is off a questions right and cry about what's
31:52
going. Yeah, well we're going to go and have a commercial break,
31:56
but when we come back, we're going to be talking to about her new
32:01
book. The Journey continues as well as this book, A Black Girl Got
32:10
sixty Seconds. Take a mental health minute to learn about depression disorders. They
32:17
cause symptoms that affect how you feel, how you think, and how you
32:22
handle daily life. Depression should be treated by health professionals. Don't try to
32:30
handle it alone or treat it with alcohol or illegal drugs. Treatments include psychotherapy
32:37
or talk therapy, medication, and sometimes brain stimulation therapy. These treatments may
32:44
also be used in combination with one another. If you think you might have
32:47
depression, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or health care provider.
32:53
The earlier treatment begins, the more effective it is. Learn more about
32:58
depression through the NIMI website and take sixty seconds to share this mental health minute
33:02
to help someone else. Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back to Basic
33:14
Black After Dog. We are sitting down with author and poets Ia Behagen.
33:19
So H I take our listeners and viewers on the little journey of your novel.
33:22
The journey continues, ah So, the journey Continues was my first book,
33:30
and it was launched in twenty eighteen, and it was basically birthed out
33:36
of me journaling for my healing. Right. So one of the things that
33:42
I did in regards to my healing journey is that I would write in writing.
33:47
I ended up writing poetry. So what you read in The Journey Continues
33:52
is several poems that I wrote. Some I wrote after like I was really
33:59
on the road to healing, but most of them I wrote when I was
34:05
when I was like really struggling through my healing. And the book is divided
34:09
into three sections. I think, struggle, a struggle, healing, and
34:15
then there's one more. It's been a while since I looked I looked at
34:19
it, but there is. The book is divided into three sections, and
34:24
after each poem there is a TPQ, a thought provoking question where it kind
34:30
of asked you a question about what you just finished reading, right, and
34:37
and it asked you to process what you just finish reading. So the three
34:43
sections is Damaged, struggle, and healing. Because one of the things that
34:46
I always said was that you know, for a lot of people who have
34:52
been abused, they feel like they're damaged after their abuse. When when we
34:58
talk about sexual abuse, when we talk our domestic violence, you feel like
35:00
they're damaged and they're not worthy. So that was the first section of The
35:06
Journey Continues. Damage struggle. Struggle is when you have to like struggle to
35:10
accept what happened to you and make a decision that you're going to get help
35:15
and support. And then of course the last one is when you're on that
35:21
healing journey. So it was basically me expressing myself on my healing journey and
35:29
I wanted to. I never planned on sharing the Journey Continues. You know,
35:35
it was basically a conversation that God led me to share the book,
35:39
and I was say, hmm, you really, I'm publishing this book.
35:45
So it was it was basically God that it wasn't me. I'm pretty much
35:51
a quiet, stay till myself person, very private, and so this was
35:59
definitely a big deal because I, you know, I'm just not that type
36:06
of person. So it was it was a it was a huge step.
36:09
The launch of The Journey Continues was a yeah, but you decided to share
36:16
that with me with us. When I think of poetry, I think of
36:21
romance. I never would have thought of poetry as a healing process. How
36:24
does poltry help you rediscover yourself? I think for me, poetry is getting
36:32
what's in here down on paper. So a lot of times, you know,
36:37
we have thoughts that you know, we ruminate on all the time.
36:40
We have sometimes we engage in overthinking, and for me, it was like
36:45
having all of these thoughts on my head, writing them down was a release
36:51
for me. I'm also like a thinker, so I would some of those
36:57
poems were were formed when I was driving, so because I think and drive
37:02
and drive, so because driving is therapeutic for me, particularly long distance driving.
37:08
So it's really helped me to get what's in my head out and put
37:15
it on paper. I'm sorry you were saying, no, you go right
37:17
ahead, You go right ahead. Do you think that poetry has the power
37:23
to heal? Absolutely, I think just like music has the power to heal,
37:29
poetry has the power to heal. I think it's it's a different level
37:34
of understanding and releasing when you actually are able to write and read what you
37:40
wrote. There's some things that I wrote in the journey and I'm like I
37:45
wrote that. I even asked myself even today and I've actually wrote more poems
37:52
since then that I do plan on sharing and then near future, and it's
37:57
not particularly about my healing journey, but it's about life in general, right,
38:02
And so I just wrote. I just read one like maybe about two
38:07
weeks ago that I wrote, and it was actually saved on my computer and
38:10
I just happened to open it up, and I was like, I wrote
38:14
that, and then it made me think about where I was at that stage
38:19
in my life. So I absolutely feel like, you know, writing and
38:25
writing poetry is definitely healing. So did did writing? Did writing help you
38:32
find your voice? Or was it more therapeutic or maybe both? I think
38:37
it was both. I think therapy definitely helped and the writing was definitely a
38:45
contributing factor to that. I think as I became more accepting of that this
38:58
actually happened to me and that I was no longer damaged goods because that's how
39:04
I would think, and that I was worthy of love, and of course
39:07
I was reminded about that, and I had to be reminded of how God
39:13
loved me, how God viewed me as his child, and so if God
39:19
can love me that way, I can try to love myself. And that
39:23
means that I'm not damaged goods, that I am worthy of love, right,
39:28
And so that was all intricate and part of my healing journey. My
39:34
reminder of how how much God loved me, how much you know, how
39:40
much he cared about me, and how he viewed me as his child was
39:45
definitely crucial to my healing journey. So I leaned on that, you know,
39:54
and whenever I felt like I wasn't worthy, you know, minded myself
40:00
of that. Yeah. I've been hearing stories about people saying that they reported
40:10
child abuse when they were child and now they're adults, but they're telling them
40:15
that there's a statute of limitation on child abuse. And I know every state
40:20
is different. Do you believe it should be a statute of limitation to follow
40:22
complain of child abuse? I don't think it should be. You know,
40:28
my opinion is, I don't think it should be a statue of limitation.
40:34
I think New York is three years. I'm not one hundred percent sure,
40:38
but I think it's three years. But I also feel like it everybody's journey
40:47
is different, right, so it may take me for five years to even
40:52
realize what I've experienced. So I think just overall in general. No,
40:58
I don't think it should be a limitations, but I also feel like as
41:02
a as a society, we need to be much more kinder to people who
41:08
have been subjected to abuse. And I'm not even because I'm very tempted to
41:14
step into that story that we just recently learned about P Diddy, and I'm
41:19
trying not to go go there because I just recently set shared about that.
41:23
I was really frustrated and it's it's really hard. And one of the things
41:30
I said is that you know, it takes a video, it takes a
41:37
you know, footage for us to say, oh, she was telling the
41:39
truth, and it makes it hard for survivors to come forward. And I
41:44
think until that culture has changed, the statue of limitations. Yeah, yeah,
41:53
that is. I can go just about every with the situation, with
42:04
what we've been hearing in the news, and I try not to name any
42:06
names, but I think most people know what has been going on. That
42:10
kind of thing has been going on since the days of another person who was
42:16
in prison for similar things, and a lot of things that come to light.
42:22
The Me Too movement has shed some light on things for me when I
42:30
when it first came out to me too movement. You know, I said
42:36
to myself, I'm not a me too, I'm a me also because it
42:42
also had to me. So, you know, I don't even know where
42:50
to go with the statute of limitations. I don't think there should be one
42:54
because the person has to live with that for the rest of their lives,
42:58
and it may take most of their lives just to be able to find their
43:01
voice, to be able to say anything. What about those children who have
43:08
disabilities and it's happening to them who may never have a voice, but it's
43:14
discovered later on in life that this has happened. You know. Laws are
43:21
so funny, and I think they need to change with time, you know,
43:25
and they don't, and they just continue to compare what may have been
43:34
done and happened yesteryear to now. And I think that's unfair because you're victim
43:40
minds in the person over again. Yes, So I'm going to leave it
43:46
at that, because I can go on and on about the current situation that
43:52
we've all heard about and other names that's coming up and out of the woodwork,
43:58
not to say that they shouldn't go forward or what took you so long?
44:00
I will never say what took you so long? You may not have
44:04
had a voice, It may not have believed people would have believed you,
44:07
because who may the person or people may have been. But I just pray
44:15
for each and one of them and the families that's affected by it. Even
44:21
their abuser has a family is affected by it. So I just want people
44:28
to be mindful when they're making statements. You know. I know they may
44:32
say that, well, this person wasn't thinking about that person that they did
44:38
this too, because they have a mother or sister, children or daughters or
44:44
whatever the case may be. Just be mindful when you're making your statements about
44:52
this current situation in other situations and situations that's gonna come up, because there's
44:57
a lot that may happen with certain cases. You know. Yeah, as
45:01
an educated and guide into counseling, would you recommend your poetry to those who
45:06
have not found their voice? It depends on the age, right, So
45:13
as currently now I work with babies, I work with the elementary level,
45:16
I would not recommend that for them to read, but perhaps their their parents,
45:22
right, their aunties and their their uncles. When it comes to like
45:27
the latter part of middle and high school. Yeah, definitely, definitely our
45:30
high schoolers. Definitely our high school children who are going through so many challenges
45:37
even coming out of the pandemic. There's a whole nother mental health crisis that's
45:44
going on now that a whole bunch of babies being born. Beyond that that
45:52
cristis and it's just it's just phenomenal about that. There was a time when
45:58
we talked about child sexual abuse that we thought of little girls being abused.
46:01
However, recently that several report there's a boy legedly being used by their clergy
46:08
and those who we entrusted our little boys' lies to, so the coaches and
46:13
their teachers. Why do you believe so many of those men who are boys
46:17
are now coming forward? Well, as we said, you know, the
46:22
statue of liberty limitations you we mentioned that, we mentioned the me too movement.
46:27
Although we have really far to go, there are some positive changes,
46:31
right, there are some changes that people are coming out more, men are
46:37
coming out more, I think, just not too long ago. I think
46:42
common as well as Kyler Perry spoke about their own you know situation. So
46:47
I think that you know, when that happens, that makes another person who
46:53
has gone through that, like, I'm not alone, right, And that's
46:57
why I said we need to We have have to do so much more work
47:00
in regards to supporting survivors, you know, because we don't make it comfortable
47:07
for them to give voice what has happened to them. We're better, it
47:10
is better, I will say that, but we haven't arrived, right.
47:14
So I think for even young boys and men who have experienced this, being
47:21
that they are now coming forward and saying, hey, this happened to me,
47:24
right, I think that is now making room for other young men and
47:31
for boys to come forward and share share their story. And that's what we
47:36
want. We want that because it takes place. I'm sorry. Book growth,
47:43
your booking SPI is growth, unlocking your mindset to happy and healthier life.
47:46
What book encourages you just I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry I didn't
47:54
give that lesson is that I think your book growth and unlocking your mindset to
48:01
a happy and healthier life. What book encourages you to do the same.
48:06
What book encourages you to be inspired and to unlock your mindset to a happier
48:12
and healthier life. And you can't tell your own book because that's for other
48:15
people. I would I mean, I will say that my like I said
48:22
before, my book has helped me on my healing journey. Like I said,
48:27
I will look back and reflect. But as far as other people,
48:31
I have. You know a couple of people that I follow because I am
48:36
I am a big, big advocate for mental health and I love the fact
48:39
that what's happening now there's a space for faith and mental health. So for
48:46
so many years there was you have to oh, if you believe in God,
48:50
that means you don't need to go to therapy, and that's not true.
48:53
So because of that, I follow. One of my favorite people is
48:57
doctor Nita and Phillips. She's a minister who's also a trauma therapist and she
49:05
just came out with the book not too long ago, The Garden from Within,
49:09
So and I just follow her in general. I think she's awesome,
49:13
And of course I follow her because she is a trauma therapist. That's how
49:15
I was introduced to her. So I would say her is definitely she's one
49:22
of my favorite people. As far as other books, mm hmm, I
49:30
can't think of her name right now. She's a very well known, uh
49:36
author, but I can't think of her name right now, but that it
49:38
is the first one that comes to mind. Okay, thank you, Alma,
49:43
she says. Does she celebrates us off of sharing our truth and our
49:45
transpiracy, and I celebrate all who are coming forward and sharing their truths and
49:53
being brave enough to be able to talk about it. Is the only continues
50:00
a part of a series from your other book and the other books than talking
50:02
about is this book here The Silent Cries of a Black Girl. It's not
50:08
a series. Like I said, I already shared the story of the Journey
50:14
Continues, right, and how it came as I was, you know,
50:19
having different vendoring events and talking about the Journey Continues. It was very clear
50:23
to me that I had to have a book that told my story, my
50:28
full story, and that's how the Silent Cries, and you know, I
50:31
wanted to give key indicators of what to look for in our young girls who
50:37
may have been abuse. So it was kind of just a natural progression from
50:44
the Journey Continues. What can you expect from your next book and how do
50:49
you see your poetry evolving in the future. I don't know there is going
50:54
to be a next book, you know, come on now. I don't
50:58
know. I don't know fall behind these. I will say in regards to
51:05
my poetry, I have poetry that I wrote probably about three four years ago
51:13
that I'm just now starting to look back on. For me, work keeps
51:19
me really really busy, and because we have, you know, working with
51:22
the public school system, because we have the summers off. I was just
51:27
telling one of my coworkers, like, I feel the end of the school
51:30
year coming because my brain is like has room to breathe and to be creative
51:36
and to and so now I'm going into that phase. So even when I
51:40
wrote The Silent Cries and a Good and a Part of the Journey, it
51:45
was during the summer months because my creative my creative self can come out.
51:51
It's not like I'm in work mode all the time. So I'm feeling that
51:55
coming on, which it usually does this time of year, because I know
51:59
that this four years coming to an end very soon and I can genuinely be
52:04
able to be creative and and write. So I don't know, I don't
52:09
know if there's going to be another book. I probably will have my poems
52:16
on my website at some point before. Really, how can you listening to
52:24
stay connected with you. I am on Instagram, I'm on Facebook, Sia
52:31
Behagen, I have a website Sibehagen dot com so and I also have a
52:38
YouTube YouTube channel. So I'm very very busy, Yeah busy. Thank you
52:45
sign for being so transparent and sharing. Sharing your journey. To get a
52:51
sneak peek into Siah's journey, Go to the Journey continues stories of a survivor
52:55
on Bind Publishing to see I believe it's a book trailer. We recognize that
53:01
every child has a difficult childhood and a different journey. Just to let you
53:06
know. Child mal treatment is the abuse or neglect of a child under the
53:09
age of eighteen by a parent, caregiver, or a person in a custodial
53:15
role, which can include somebodys simple as babysitting or keeping an eye on your
53:20
child while you run an errand to the store, going to the beauty parlor,
53:23
going to get a haircut. And if those are people who are custodial
53:29
roles, they are the ones that you've left your child with. Not to
53:32
say that it's your a fault, but they are those who are abusers as
53:37
well. Healing from childhood neglect is a process that requires time, self awareness
53:44
and self compassion and often professional support maybe at different points in the healing process.
53:51
If you or someone you know is a victim of child abuse, please
53:53
contact your local law enforcement and department of Social Services. You can also connect
54:00
survivors to the National Sexual Assault Hotline at one six by six Hope and an
54:07
online dot ring dot org, y ring dot org slash ees and I'll put
54:15
that up on the screen so you guys can get that. Hopefully that'll be
54:20
able to go up on the screen so you will be able to take that
54:22
information down and get in contact with people that you may know that may need
54:30
that type of support and help. And I understand sometimes that listening to the
54:35
stories of individuals and of your loved ones, it can be heartbreaking, but
54:40
they need you just as much at that moment that you're gonna need them.
54:45
So just be brave and understand that there's a whole lot of people that's behind
54:52
you to support you. We just want you to reach out so we know
54:55
who you are. Durin us next week June seven for another great episode of
55:00
Basic Black After Dark. It's always after eighth after Dark. It's a hias
55:13
Basic Black after Dark, that all new podcast show with your host, Black Diamond