Latest / DidiLawren / 50/50 In Relationships Vs Your Money Is Our Money

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50/50 In Relationships Vs Your Money Is Our Money · DidiLawren

• 0:10
  Hello, welcome back to another episode of wanted laurencelle.
• 0:13
  For today's episode, I want us to talk about this 50/50
• 0:17
  training relationship. This discussion has been going
• 0:20
  on online and so many people are giving their two cents about it.
• 0:24
  So I decided you know what, I need to put my two cents also.
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  Now if you're in a relationship or if you're in a partnership or
• 0:31
  if you're in a marriage or something, how do you pay the
• 0:36
  bills? Are you the 50/50 type?
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  Are you the, you know, the man whose money is our money.
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  My money is my money, or I, you just the type that goes with the
• 0:47
  flow, you know, whoever makes much money, pays for whatever,
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  like what is your percentage in relationship.
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  Now this conversation has been going on like some people
• 0:59
  especially the Single lady said, why would I need to marry
• 1:03
  somebody who will tell me. Okay, this is rent.
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  Rent is you bring your 50% or the bills are due?
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  You bring your 50 percents or, you know, let us go 50/50 in
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  everything. Like why would I want to marry
• 1:15
  that kind of person? Now, some of the Maori people
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  are saying that. Okay, 50/50 makes sense but that
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  they would prefer a 70/30 Somali people with children said, no,
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  no no, no, that does not work. Work.
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  Okay, if they are paying 50 50 bills.
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  What about the kids are they going to share responsibility?
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  50/50 are the main going to wake up in the morning, to get them
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  ready for school. Bring them back.
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  While you know, they are contributing 50% of the bills
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  with the man also contribute, 50% of taking care of the kids.
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  Now pregnant, we make em into the chat and said, no, no, no,
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  no, no. This is not going to work
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  because as far as they're concerned, they are the ones.
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  Very know, the consequences of the pregnancy, the hormones,
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  everything and it is not going to work.
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  So this conversation, we sunk down on her.
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  I wanted to bring them on the channel but they were like
• 2:12
  commercial. I so we have this conversation
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  and I think walking, I've taken out of that conversation is that
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  different people adapt to different or adopt two different
• 2:23
  way of spending or way of paying their bills.
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  This conversation went into a different dimension because some
• 2:29
  of the things Single people were saying that if they are single
• 2:34
  and paying their bills, taking care of themselves and then
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  somebody a guy is, or a man is approaching them proposing
• 2:42
  marriage to them. Now, one thing that they're
• 2:45
  going to do is to ask it. Where, what do you do?
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  Where do you live? And all those kind of things.
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  Because if they are the one proposing marriage, you know,
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  90% of Nigeria men, 99% of Nigeria men.
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  African men would prefer the woman to move in with them, so
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  already that man should already have an accommodation or they
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  should have a place that they will support a wife.
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  Because if we go by the African culture, a man is marrying.
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  The woman, I'm bringing her into his home.
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  So if that is the case, then Ram man should have a place where
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  already a place where he's already paying the bills a place
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  where he's already come. Comfortable to bring your wife
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  in. Now, that woman is coming in, to
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  support, according to the single lady, is definitely a community
• 3:39
  to support whatever you're already doing.
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  Let's say if you're already paying your rent, pay your bills
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  and everything and they are coming in to add into kind of
• 3:50
  your cost of living or your expenses.
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  So they are happy to pick up those extra bills that is going
• 3:57
  to be on top of what you're already paying.
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  And then maybe most times they are saying that they're going to
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  be the happy to save some of those money and then reinvest in
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  that marriage or reinvest in our relationship because whether you
• 4:11
  like it or not, want children are going to come into the mix
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  and everything is going to happen at that point.
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  More expenses is going to come in and then maybe one or two
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  years later when one or two kids come in.
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  They might be looking for a bigger accommodation.
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  Now, some of the ladies are saying that he should be able to
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  the initial stage of that relationship.
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  They man should be able to take care of those things.
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  They should not be getting married and the next day you
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  asking me and rent is due, or okay, I've paid rent, bring
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  council tax or I've paid what I do, bring electricity bill, they
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  said they are not going to do, do any of those things?
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  Because if an African man, who wants a submissive wife, who
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  wants to be the head of the family?
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  Who wasn't really Keen. He should be ready to provide
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  and the wife should be able to support what he's providing.
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  Now what happens to Harmony depends on the kind of wife that
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  you married, if you marry a wife that okay have money is our
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  money and she's buying Gucci every day while you're paying
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  the bills, you chose the wife, if you've chosen a wife that
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  you're paying all the bills, Eels and she's using her money
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  to party every weekend. You chose that woman.
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  So whether you like it or not, I say, man, if you're choosing a
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  wife and you chose whatever you're getting is the choice
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  that you have made, this is the argument from the Single Ladies.
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  Now for the married ones who are married and who are pregnant.
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  Now the lady, said, listen that's 50/50 is not going to
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  work. Because as far as she's
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  concerned, that She's the one carrying the baby.
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  She is the one in all the hormones are raging in her.
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  She is the one having all the egg.
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  She's the one that's going to go to the hospital to push out that
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  child. She's the one that is going to
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  breastfeed her child wake up every night to change diapers
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  and make sure that she not sure that child until, you know, they
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  are off schooling age. Now, if from the beginning, they
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  were already going 50/50, then that might be an issue.
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  Let me even tell you about the story, you know, a lady, we used
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  to work together. So she told us about her
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  pregnancy situation, she was a contractor and she got married.
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  They will happy to pay 50 50 bills, you know, this is
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  diaspora. So you cannot just leave the
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  money to pay most of the bills poor.
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  She said she was happy to go 50/50 with her husband because
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  of what she was making. Now she said they plan the
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  pregnancy and She got pregnant. The plan with this kind of saved
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  some money for the power, she was going to work, until she was
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  about seven months, then she would take a break and then
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  causes the contractor. She's not going to be paid when
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  she'll she is off for maternity leave or anything like that.
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  So the plan was to take seven after seven months.
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  She would take that time off and then come back to work after six
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  months of having that child. And then she's going to bring
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  her mother to help her with the baby.
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  Baby. Now this was a good plan,
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  everything was okay. And then once you got pregnant,
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  couple of months, after the pregnancy, she literally was
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  bedridden, she went to the hospital.
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  She was sick having morning sickness, so she felt that,
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  okay, some people telling her eyes no more, this is known as
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  cygnus some people pregnancy affect them more than other
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  people. So, when she finally went to
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  stun, the did the scan and the doctor told her if you are?
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  Truly one, this baby, you will have to be bedridden.
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  Basically, the only time you get out of your bed is maybe you're
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  going to the toilet or maybe you were going to take a shower like
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  you have to stay lying down. If you want this child, you have
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  to be lying down, you don't have to stress it even cooking, you
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  cannot cook. You have to let him go to the
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  kitchen to get your food. You have to bring your Go with
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  every your room we're likely, literally she could not do
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  anything from. I think she was three months
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  when she did the scan from that 3 months on T where she gives
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  birth. She did not move out of her room
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  ties. Not even going to church not to
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  talk of going to work. So the husband was one taking
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  care of the the bills. And at that point, they had to
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  not be deep into money that they've saved for rainy days or
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  they are safe. Since they have to dip into
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  their savings, to be able to cover some of those bills.
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  She said, three weeks after giving birth, she has to go back
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  to work because they already dipping into their credit card.
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  She said, after I experienced that she would not advise
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  anybody to go 50/50 from the beginning of marriage.
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  I mean, when you get into marriage and then you are any
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  more than one person, is any more than the other.
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  You can always discuss renegotiate, those kind of
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  things, but don't from the beginning, get into a marriage
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  or relationship. Thinking it is going to be 5050.
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  You bring the brains, you will just split into two the bill
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  going to split and that is going to cost a whole lot of issues.
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  She said, if not for the fact that she has had savings, if not
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  for the fact that they have saved that, it would have been a
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  disaster that even at that, they have problems.
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  Because money issued, the whole power was always grumpy and
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  because he's the one named bearing responsibility of
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  everything, her mom had to come. The atom planned.
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  So, there was so many responsibilities on imp and he
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  was not even taking, it was not even happy about it.
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  She said another friend of hers who not just she did not have
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  that issue. But she said, after she gave
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  birth, she stayed at least one year at home before getting a
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  job. She said, her husband because he
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  was already. The one paying the Lion Share of
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  the the bills. Did you know, how many he was
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  not grumpy about it? Was, he was already doing that,
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  even before then. So she said advice is, don't
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  think about 50/50. Just think about okay, scenarios
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  that things can happen. Things can go wrong, you can
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  lose your job. And if you're getting married to
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  somebody thinking, okay, it's going to be 5050.
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  What happens if that person does their job or if you lose your
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  job, what happens? Then I just think that people
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  are relationship are different people.
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  Mario, some people marry down, some people marry for love.
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  So people marry for security. Some people marry for status,
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  the mrs. Title now everybody have the
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  reason one reason or the other, why they get married or why they
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  say in a relationship or in a partnership.
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  Now, if your idea of marriage is to be like, okay, I am married,
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  then you can accept 50/50 Depending on who you're getting
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  married to. And then not found out that
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  because you're helping your husband, but one thing I've
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  realized is that are free. Come men, they might down,
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  married down, especially the ones with money, they believe in
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  taking care of women. They believe in the one there,
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  they believe that they're providing.
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  I mean, from childhood, they've told them that your demand your
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  new provider. The woman you're supposed to
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  take care of the home. So if that role is reversed or
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  if you're not saying okay, 50/50 less than 50, that man has to be
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  understanding. If you're marrying, anybody
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  above 40, that is not going to work because those ones are sex,
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  their mind, they are set already.
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  There are gender work is ingrained in them that they
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  don't even want to. I hear what other generation
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  after say about it and most times they marry people from
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  other generation. So if you're not getting married
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  to somebody above 45, let's say about 45 and you're thinking,
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  lets do 50/50, but represent is going to agree with you.
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  They're going to do 50/50 but the reality is they're going to
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  look for another person that I will be taking care of because
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  it is it is a thing of Pride for them too.
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  I think okay, I am providing for somebody.
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  I am taking care of somebody. So those 50/50 work, I don't
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  know. I don't know.
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  I just think everybody should do.
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  What suits them. You know why you're getting
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  married to that person? You know why you said yes to
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  that person? You know why you are in that
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  relationship? And if the reason why you're in
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  that relationship, aligned with whatever percentage that you're
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  willing to give pain, That is fine.
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  But my sister from the beginning.
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  Don't agree 50/50 because you don't know.
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  If you're going to say 50/50, okay, let's go 50/50.
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  And then you're in that situation whereby you get
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  pregnant. Hey, there's this story.
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  Hmm. This lady, oh, she was dating.
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  This guy in fact, this one I personally I was witness to this
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  story. She was dating.
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  This guy Josh was Kindergarten was walking and they had any
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  good money. So they decided to move in
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  together. They were not married, they
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  decided to move in together, to be able to save money.
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  And the agreement was that if they come together, they will be
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  able to save money. So, from the beginning from the
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  get-go, it was 50/50 Colonel situation.
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  So they move in together, the bills are 50 and everything.
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  Now she fell pregnant during the whole course of our
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  relationship. And And during our seventh month
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  was when she had an emergency cesarean.
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  I was at the hospital so we are sitting at the hospital, another
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  friend of ours who surely promised some money came in, I
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  was like I'm sorry you bought this money that you already
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  promised me. Can you give it to me?
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  She gave me her card to go to the ATM machine and get some
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  money. I went to get some money when I
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  came back. I gave the the boyfriend was
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  already sitting down there. Now, I gave the lady, the money
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  and I gave her a card. Now the sky shamelessly Sarah,
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  so you're sharing money. Your the bills are due I could
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  not believe what I was hearing this lady.
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  Just had a C-section we're sitting down like not even 3
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  hours ago. We are just sitting down there
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  and the sky was already telling her that the bills will do.
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  And this is because they are greement already from the
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  beginning, from the get-go was that it is going to be 5050.
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  Now, he does not care, whether she just gave birth to his
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  child. She carried this, he was so
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  nonchalant and Shameless about it.
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  He was not even trying to hide it.
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  I think that made me from that experience, I told myself that
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  there is no way, I am going to be somebody's, don't propose to
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  me if you're not already paying your bills, if you are living in
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  a place and your pay your bills. Then I want to help you that
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  been, that's fine, but for me to pull the beginning.
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  Yes, we're going to talk about finances, how we're going to
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  share our finances. If I see that your business will
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  person and you are then we have both.
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  If you're not, if you're going to say it is 50/50, then that is
• 16:33
  not going to work because you already pay your bills hundred
• 16:36
  percent. I am paying my bills. 100%.
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  Now, you are sitting now Mona, you want to Come and marry me.
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  You are not going to come and tell me.
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  Okay, my rent is now 50/50 you bring money that is not going to
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  happen. That is not going to happen.
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  We're going to have a conversation about how we're
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  going to pay the bills. Yes.
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  How much are you paying your profitably paying?
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  Let's say, all the busy already paying is 500 pounds.
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  Max is not just if he go 500 pounds and Coming in if because
• 17:15
  I'm coming in water, bill is going to increase.
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  Liability is going to increase, feeling is going to increase and
• 17:21
  maybe the additional top of that is maybe to 300.
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  Now, I am very happy to pay that to 300.
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  You continue paying what your pain, you have to continue
• 17:34
  paying with your pain, then I'm happy to support unless I am
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  making more money. If I am making more.
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  Money. Then obviously, I will not be
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  moving in with you. So, if you you're moving in with
• 17:53
  me. How much are you already paying?
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  Where your pain? You have to bring it.
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  Because that is your, that is your threshold.
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  Then we have to talk about how we're going to save this money.
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  Let's say the extras, on top of these things, we are going now.
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  I'm going to keep it on. It's saving so that in case of
• 18:14
  anything happens, but let's say we're coming together and then
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  the idea is okay, I was 2,500 you pay 500.
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  We come together since is now 1,000 and then we have to pay to
• 18:28
  250. So where does that other 250 go?
• 18:31
  You are now having an extra 250 to do what?
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  With? No.
• 18:36
  Not extra 250. We have to save it, we have to
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  put it in a in a savings account.
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  It's just in case of where we have children in case of
• 18:47
  emergency. It's not going to be the case
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  of, okay? Just because you were paying, we
• 18:53
  are not doing 50/50 and then that's other, 50% is gross going
• 18:57
  to go for you to use know that 50% we're going to save it and
• 19:02
  if we're not saving that 50% or more is not going to work, it's
• 19:08
  not going to work. So I think Different Strokes for
• 19:11
  different folks. Some people are very happy to
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  pay one represents. Some people are happy to go
• 19:17
  7030. Some people are happy to just
• 19:20
  provide whatever you want to provide.
• 19:23
  I think one of the dangers of 50% is that once somebody
• 19:27
  already said, okay, what I'm providing every month is let's
• 19:31
  say 500 and then maybe the next month.
• 19:35
  That's a cost of living has gone up and then you are telling that
• 19:38
  person know you have to now provide 700 it is going to cause
• 19:41
  friction because Some people are already comfortable comfortable
• 19:47
  just you know, no no no no, no, don't worry, Somebody's Daughter
• 19:52
  you're telling a lie 50/50 if they choose to go 50/50 with
• 19:58
  you. If they suggested were 50/50
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  with to then the happy that that person made a suggestion, don't
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  come and tell Somebody's Daughter that you're marrying
• 20:09
  into your house that you guys are going to go.
• 20:12
  T or more? This is why marriages are
• 20:15
  breaking Left Right Center. Okay, so before you go 50/50 in
• 20:21
  that marriage and our relationship, make sure you're
• 20:24
  putting everything into consideration.
• 20:28
  Make sure you're putting your emotion, is your mental state
• 20:33
  into consideration. What do I know?
• 20:36
  I don't know. I just think that before you get
• 20:39
  into a relationship before you get into a marriage, it is very
• 20:43
  important to talk about finances and reason.
• 20:47
  Why you should talk about finances is because for to avoid
• 20:51
  resentment, because one person is going to resent the other and
• 20:55
  if you guys are on the same page, yes, when you get into the
• 20:58
  marriage when getting started relationship, things are going
• 21:01
  to change. I mean, you are going to kind of
• 21:04
  come together to make adjustments, but the initial
• 21:09
  agreement is very important if you're going to get married to
• 21:13
  somebody that has the mentality of 5050.
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  You will not 50/50 or more abort Mission.
• 21:21
  If you are getting married to somebody who believes that, your
• 21:24
  money is our money, my money is, you know, my money and you you
• 21:30
  have this mentality of 50/50 about Mission.
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  It is not going to work because at the end of the day just
• 21:38
  because that person has that mindset, it's going to take a
• 21:41
  very long time to kind of change their mindset or even if they
• 21:45
  decide to change. I went to Harbor some kind of
• 21:48
  resentment. I know it is we talked about you
• 21:52
  know, people having problems in relationships having problems in
• 21:55
  marriages. It is because of 5c 90% his
• 21:59
  finances. I am not even going to lie. 90%
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  is finances because we've gotten to a place where by cost of
• 22:07
  living is very high. So regardless of how much you
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  love, somebody, regardless of how much you are compatible with
• 22:15
  somebody, if Your finances, the way you see money for the way
• 22:20
  you see investment does not align.
• 22:24
  It is going to be very difficult because you're going to be going
• 22:27
  up and up as it is going to be going down into the grace of
• 22:32
  God. And if you're not have this
• 22:34
  mindset, all your money is your money.
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  My money is my money. What happens to Groot in that
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  marriage, what happens to, you know, we together with all this
• 22:45
  together. We built this together.
• 22:47
  Whether it is, it is going to see.
• 22:49
  I've seen a lot of people who the man is doing well, woman is
• 22:54
  doing well or because they have different investment ideas.
• 23:00
  Maybe the mom believes that he should be investing in Nigeria.
• 23:05
  And the woman believed that she should be investing wherever she
• 23:10
  is investing, or maybe she wants to invest in her father's house
• 23:14
  because the man things. Okay, is nine.
• 23:16
  So When that does not align, you will to see 10-15 years and just
• 23:23
  going to be where the way 15 years ago because there is no
• 23:28
  nothing joints together. And it's not like they're not
• 23:33
  making money, they're making money but you cannot see what
• 23:36
  they've used that money for. So I have learned, you know,
• 23:42
  finances is very important sit down.
• 23:45
  Talk about it 50/50. By 2018 7030.
• 23:51
  Your money is our money. My money is my money.
• 23:55
  I don't know. What do you think?
• 23:57
  What would you prefer? So, let me know in the comment
• 23:59
  section. And thank you very much for
• 24:00
  watching today's episode. Please like like, like and
• 24:03
  share. Thank you very much.
• 24:05
  Bye. Bye.