Latest / Forged In The Dark / Blind Spots
Transcript
- Forged In The Dark: Blind spots. We all have them. They are much easier to identify in others than they are to identify by ourselves. Sometimes all of the alarm bells are going off and it has your attention, but you really don't know what's happening. You're seriously like just stopped at attention. I hear the alarm bells, what's going on? And there are other times that you crash and then you look at the situation and you say, where were the alarm bells? We all have blind spots. That's what we will explore today. Welcome to Forged in the Dark. I'm your host, Jamie. Let's dig in. Now the other day I was driving and a plastic bag flew out from underneath the car in front of me. And before before I even registered that there was something in front of my car, my car slammed on the brakes and I mean hard. Thank goodness there was nobody behind me. All the stuff in the car went flying, all of the alarm bells were going off. And and I just thought, well, there was that moment, right? Like my car just came to a screeching halt. There's that moment where you're like, what is happening? And and it's a quick rebound because I saw the bag. I knew it was the bag. I knew the safety features of my car were doing their job. But my car may have overreacted. And This is what got me thinking about blind spots. Now, now, statistically, 95% of people report that they are self-aware. When in actuality, it's more like 10 to 15% of people are self-aware. And the craziest part of that is even self-aware people have blind spots. I mean, there's no way to look at yourself in the mirror. You you could think of a fitting room, right? You've got all the mirrors where you can look in one mirror and see behind you. But our blind spots, it the the blind spots that we have in in our belief system, in our unresolved traumas that our body is still housing in our mindset how you react or respond like when you react that's a blind spot that's a trigger but most of us aren't trained to look at them explore them and say what can i do with this if you have one incident with a co-worker a a disagreement ⁓ it's an incident If you have five incidents, instances with the same coworker, that's a pattern. That is the information you're looking for. And this can really apply to any area of your life. Maybe, maybe it's not a coworker. Maybe it's your home life. Maybe you come home. From a full day of work, and you're just frustrated when you see an overflowing sink of dishes, and you get triggered. That trigger is your blind spot. Those dishes, it's all asking something of you that your nervous system may or may not be able to handle in real time. Now, there was this day, My my youngest son and I needed to get dinner and we could not decide on a quick, easy dinner that we both wanted. So we set out to go to two different restaurants. And you know, this particular hour in hindsight, it it's so easy to see every single one of my missteps. But really, I was just frustrated. I I was hungry. I was tired, traffic was bad, the restaurants were taking forever. It was 45 minutes, and we were just about to like start to head home with our takeout food. And and the frustration grew with every red light, w with every slow driver. I just wanted to get home. And again, I cannot stress enough. How frustrated I was in real time. So I pull up to my house, and there's a teenager walking her dog. I open the garage door, and instead of this young lady seeing me and moving, she decided it was a good idea to stand at the end of the driveway and stare into my garage. And this about, like this was about the straw that broke the camel's back. Cause I'm sitting there in the car thinking, just get out of my way. So she did. And in my haste, in my frustration, I pressed a little too hard on the accelerator, whipped into the garage, caught the bumper of my kid's Jeep, and crashed my car. Not really crashed my car, but I did significant damage to the side of my car. And as soon as I hear heard the sound, I I thought, where were the alarm bells? Where were the whistles? Like, like the plastic bag incident that happened the other day has happened before. My car has all the safety features, all the safeguards in place, all the tools it needs to prevent the crash. And the crash still happened. And and I think it's relevant because when you're thinking about driving, you think about the blind spots. You have maybe you've even chosen your car because of the safety features. I know I did. I I've driven the same, ⁓ the same brand of car for 20 years. Not just because I love the brand, but I love the safety features. I I I I don't love that. That she slams on the brakes for a plastic bag and sends everything flying. But I love the safeguards and the safety features. But what happens when they don't work? So you know what the blind spot is when you're driving. Let's talk about the blind spots in your life. I guess we already started this, but your blind spots. How you show up to the world, how you present to the world, how you treat the people around you. Not when everything is perfect, when the stakes are high, when stress is high, when everything is on the line. Or maybe not even everything, maybe just one little thing is on the line. Maybe, maybe you notice that your tone shifts. Maybe you notice that words come out of your mouth that you wouldn't normally use. Maybe you speak in a tone that is less than kind. These are your blind spots. These are showing you what is asking for attention in your life. But it is almost impossible to identify our blind spots by ourselves. This is why it's so important that you have people in your life that you can ask the honest questions to. What am I missing? How did I handle this? Like honest feedback. This is why it's so important to hire coaches or or go to counseling or therapy. And but even like I don't think you find your blind spots in therapy. I think you find your blind spots by going out in the world and having new experiences. I mean, think about it. You are on this growth path, with which means you are healing. You are healing things inside of you that other people may or may not know about. And reactivity is one of those things. It is one of long list of things. But but let's go with it. Let's just talk about reactivity. Only you know what goes on in your brain and your body. And only you are in control of how you respond, how you react, what comes out of your mouth, what actions you take in response to a trigger, in response to a crash. Now I love my car. I mean, I love my car, probably more than you should love, a a worldly monetary possession. But when I when I ran into my kids' bumper and there were no alarm bells and whistles, I was sick. I was disgusted. And I wish that I could tell you that I have never experienced that same type of response from a business relationship not not working out or a a real relationship a friendship or a romantic relate relationship going south I I wish I could tell you that in each and every time I have had a trigger activated that that I have handled it with ease and grace but I have not i the the blind spots the the the triggers the alarm bells It's like it's shining a light on your blind spots. It is an invitation for you to get curious and start asking, what is here? I mean, yes, talk to your friends, your mentors, hire your coaches, go to therapy, do all of the things. But but I I I guess here I find it fascinating. That there are times that all of the alarm bells are going off and they have our attention, but we are genuinely confused on what they are trying to tell us. What is this alert telling me? And there are other times that the alarm bells don't go off and the crash happens. And every single one of these situations, no matter how it goes down, Is an opportunity for you to shine the light, for you to see the blind spot. Now we will talk about the same things over and over and over, maybe sometimes on most episodes, but you are the only one that can control yourself. You are the Only one that is responsible for your growth, for your healing, for a identifying your blind spots, having trusted people in your life that you can ask the hard questions to. Now, even people that you ask, you're probably going to have to give them permission. Permission to ask you, or permission to tell you the truth about where you actually are versus where you think you are. Now The safety system in the car did its job once and it didn't do its job another time. And think of your tools and your awareness and think of your tools and your awareness as your safety system. When all of the alarm bells are going off, that is not the time to ignore them. That is the time to perk up and stay curious. And inevitably, if you crash, and we all do, sometimes it comes before the alarm bells. But the point here is to make you acutely aware that you have, you do have blind spots. Acknowledge it, don't acknowledge it. That that that's you. But what I know for me personally in my life, this isn't just about the dent on the side of the car. This is about not wanting to leave dents that are. not repairable in relationships, in friendships, in business partnerships. Look for your blind spots before you end up in a crash. Okay. Thank you for staying all the way to the end. Until next time.