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32: Finding Purpose Through Grief: What Keeps You Moving When Life Hurts · The Everyday Awesome Project

• 0:23
  Polly Mertens: Hey superstars, welcome back Polly and Samthana Pruitt.
• 0:27
  Samantha Pruitt: What's up?
• 0:27
  Polly Mertens: beautiful humans, hey you guys, we have a start of this episode.
• 0:32
  Polly Mertens: So if you've clicked on this and you're listening to this, this is about, you know, fueling your fire after like, pain, grief, loss, and this Pruitt is a wonderful counterpart to be able to play with in the world and I have the ability to text with her on the daily.
• 0:48
  Polly Mertens: And she sent me something yesterday and I think it's just a wonderful entree I want to read to you guys.
• 0:52
  Polly Mertens: Then have her share what it is.
• 0:54
  Polly Mertens: I think she goes this is Samantha.
• 0:57
  Polly Mertens: I'll take these all day long.
• 1:01
  Polly Mertens: So she sent me a message that says daily I talk to, text with and reflect on two people I love deeply, both fighting for their lives, good humans who deserve more.
• 1:10
  Polly Mertens: I see my mother in law at her near finish line, only able to take the smallest steps in a fast shrinking world.
• 1:17
  Polly Mertens: Now I see my beloved slowing down and shifting towards a smaller world, by choice as well, losing his sense of contribution to the world.
• 1:26
  Polly Mertens: I see people in the workspace playing games and limiting their own success out of fear and control.
• 1:31
  Polly Mertens: So many messages daily that are triggers of lack, insecurity, confusion and fear, and so many messages that are also opportunities as well to do it differently and to choose to say no out loud to the choice of suffering.
• 1:47
  Polly Mertens: I'm using these painful messages as fuel for the fire to live Boom, she said.
• 1:55
  Polly Mertens: To become, to evolve, to use my own healthy body and mind to create impact.
• 2:00
  Polly Mertens: To never give up on me.
• 2:02
  Polly Mertens: When you sent that to me, I was never give up on me.
• 2:05
  Polly Mertens: When you sent that to me, I was like write that down, put that in a post somewhere, get that, get that down, don't let that, just, you know, get lost.
• 2:11
  Polly Mertens: So what was going on for you.
• 2:18
  Samantha Pruitt: What's, what's behind all this?
• 2:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Share with us.
• 2:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, the stories People are getting a glimpse into my brain.
• 2:23
  Samantha Pruitt: You're used to it.
• 2:23
  Samantha Pruitt: There's just a lot going on, as I said, in that message to you, that personal text to you, and really what I was experiencing at that moment was me having to, and choosing to willingly take a lot of things that are going on in my space right now, in my life, in deep personal relationship, actually in every other lives in my life and how I am witnessing and experiencing, feeling about it, emotionally processing, and then I, how I am choosing consciously to actively take these things and turn them into fuel.
• 3:05
  Samantha Pruitt: Because I could very easily and I am battling in some instances, you know, with falling into these abyss moments, with humans who are suffering, with people who are not doing well, with people who are choosing to surrender in many cases or to make poor choices or just to watch people I love suffer by no choice of their own, and how am I going to be there for those people as well, hold space and be present and be engaged in their experience, without me myself also choosing a disempowered way of being in that suffering?
• 3:48
  Samantha Pruitt: So really, the suffering magnitude building mounting and then me choosing to say I'm going to use this consciously as a fuel source for my own personal purpose, my own mission and what I'm up to in the world.
• 4:04
  Samantha Pruitt: Because I see how life is very frail and delicate and very short and very fleeting, and I want to make the most out of the time I have left on this beautiful planet and I want to contribute in a big way.
• 4:21
  Samantha Pruitt: So I need to get busy.
• 4:29
  Polly Mertens: And I think that's what we're up to largely with this platform that we have here, and why we get together and we spend time together and we share conversations, we share rants, we share musings, we share guests, whatever it is is to help people remember to get up to the living of their life right, Like it's happening in the now, Like I heard this recently, that was like, oh, that's amazing.
• 4:45
  Polly Mertens: It's like you know what is in the present.
• 4:48
  Polly Mertens: Actually, your breath is in the present.
• 4:50
  Polly Mertens: You can't breathe yesterday and you can't breathe tomorrow.
• 4:53
  Polly Mertens: You can only breathe right now.
• 4:55
  Polly Mertens: Wow, I'm like whoa, that was good, Right, and so what are you paying attention, All these things?
• 5:01
  Polly Mertens: So I want to add something.
• 5:02
  Polly Mertens: As you were talking, you and I shared a moment just before because I want to have you elaborate on some of these conversations and what it's going on inside of you, this so there's a fable some people want to attribute it to a Native American story of a grandson and his grandfather are sitting somewhere and talking and the young boy says to his grandfather you know, grandfather, I have this, this anger, and this, this.
• 5:39
  Polly Mertens: You know this energy inside of me, this, this, like this wolf inside of me.
• 5:43
  Polly Mertens: That is just, you know, this negative energy of force, anger.
• 5:48
  Polly Mertens: You know that kind of a force.
• 5:49
  Polly Mertens: And he says but but I also have this force for good inside of me.
• 5:53
  Polly Mertens: You know it wants to support people, it wants to be compassionate towards people, the energy, you know, like to see the best in possibility, right, and he's like grandfather, what do I do?
• 6:02
  Polly Mertens: What you know?
• 6:03
  Polly Mertens: What do I do here?
• 6:03
  Polly Mertens: Which one is right?
• 6:03
  Polly Mertens: And he's like grandfather, what do I do?
• 6:04
  Polly Mertens: What you know, what do I do here?
• 6:05
  Polly Mertens: Which one is going to win?
• 6:07
  Polly Mertens: That's like this, this battle going on inside of me.
• 6:09
  Polly Mertens: And the grandfather says, the one will win is the one you feed, and I was thinking, as you said, fuel for your fire.
• 6:18
  Polly Mertens: It's like you're feeding your fire, right, so you alone are feeding the choice inside of yourself.
• 6:24
  Polly Mertens: Like I mean you telling me the story of what's been going on for you the last 30 days, 60 days of not only your I mean amazing personal journey on your Ironman journey.
• 6:35
  Polly Mertens: You know you're a few months in and stuff's getting real and it's getting harder and you're fighting temperatures and all you know.
• 6:41
  Polly Mertens: Remember when your coach she wants you to do it this way and you're like, hey, wait a minute, Right.
• 6:45
  Polly Mertens: So all this Samantha journey, personal life journey, Right.
• 6:49
  Polly Mertens: And then you tell me about your hemisphere, like the, the atmosphere that is around you between you know your, your family dynamics, your husband and his mom and your work situation and all these things.
• 7:01
  Polly Mertens: Like, girl, how are you?
• 7:04
  Polly Mertens: Where does it come from?
• 7:06
  Polly Mertens: What can you share with people?
• 7:07
  Polly Mertens: Maybe tell one of these stories or, you know, tell us about how you're turning that into fuel.
• 7:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, I guess for me, I want to live a life that has meaning, so I choose what that meaning is, and you and I also had this conversation right.
• 7:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Like you, can choose to make things that are going on in your environment, around you, circumstances sometimes tragedy and loss and grief, of course and you can assign meaning to them in whatever way you so need to.
• 7:45
  Samantha Pruitt: And you know I have a lifetime of experiences just like you two you do of grief, loss, challenge overcoming, and many times we've been faced with these circumstances before and sometimes they swallowed us whole and we went drowning into those waves of grief you call them, we've drowned, we've drowned there and you know, eventually, luckily, we bubbled up and we got chances to do it differently.
• 8:13
  Samantha Pruitt: But also you can choose to not drown in those instances and to take those circumstances and utilize them for really a superpower, if you want.
• 8:24
  Samantha Pruitt: So, just using my Iron Woman journey right now, there's no doubt I have crystal clear clarity and fire around the fact that I am every day doing an absurd amount of physical activity training for this race, and it doesn't get easier at age 55, by the way.
• 8:44
  Samantha Pruitt: So I am putting in the damn work and it's hot, it's 110 or whatever, whatever.
• 8:49
  Samantha Pruitt: But I have two people I love dearly, my brother and cousin, who are both battling cancer right now and I'm also in connection with them daily and understanding their journey and want to contribute and support them in any way I can, to contribute and support them in any way I can.
• 9:07
  Samantha Pruitt: So as I watch them basically fighting for their lives, in this instance, I say to myself I will utilize that as a way to fuel my own suffering, if you will, a different kind of suffering altogether.
• 9:17
  Samantha Pruitt: But it's a privilege for me to be able to do this physical activity, to be able to push myself to my physical limits, to be able to do this physical activity, to be able to push myself to my physical limits, to be able to really engage my mental strength and resiliency in those moments of training.
• 9:30
  Samantha Pruitt: And so, even when it's totally horrible and miserable out there, I still feel incredibly grateful and I feel empowered because I feel I am not.
• 9:42
  Samantha Pruitt: I feel I am literally doing these activities for them out of honor, out of respect, out of capability, out of possibility, out of just.
• 9:51
  Samantha Pruitt: I feel like I'm putting strength and energy into them when I do that and I share with them what I'm doing and they share with me what they're doing and it's really remarkable actually.
• 10:01
  Samantha Pruitt: But I feel like it's really remarkable actually, but I feel like they're there on the journey with me.
• 10:08
  Samantha Pruitt: They will be yeah Right, they will be Wow, and that's so powerful.
• 10:11
  Polly Mertens: Wow.
• 10:12
  Samantha Pruitt: And you know, many times I've also been overwhelmed and had to come, you know, to the moments of like I also want to just say screw it.
• 10:21
  Samantha Pruitt: This is not important right now.
• 10:22
  Samantha Pruitt: I should.
• 10:23
  Samantha Pruitt: This should not be a priority for me.
• 10:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I should not take time and effort and energy and resources into that.
• 10:28
  Samantha Pruitt: I should go and beat with them or I should be contributing some way to something else Like I.
• 10:32
  Samantha Pruitt: You know it's it emotionally is a bit of a roller coaster.
• 10:36
  Samantha Pruitt: It's a wave, there are waves, but I'm surfing the waves.
• 10:40
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, you know.
• 10:40
  Polly Mertens: And one thing, as you were starting to say that last little bit is like waves, yeah, you know.
• 10:44
  Polly Mertens: And one thing, as you were starting to say that last little bit is like some people would say, oh, ironman training, I'll put that on hold, I will go and be by their bedside, kind of moment, right, like that's more important.
• 10:55
  Polly Mertens: This is the way I will serve, and maybe that's right.
• 10:57
  Polly Mertens: You know, everybody has to choose for themselves, but personal choice, what I love is what I've heard you say, because you've told me about, you know, the journeys that they're on and the struggles that they have on the daily.
• 11:08
  Polly Mertens: You know it's not comfortable.
• 11:09
  Polly Mertens: They're having treatments, they're, you know, not feeling so great and that's probably going to get a little bit worse before it gets better here, right.
• 11:15
  Polly Mertens: And so you're interacting with them also Right, interacting with them also right.
• 11:22
  Polly Mertens: So you're out here on these training rides, sort of like being the champion and the warrior, to bring them the fire, the energy that you got, like you're like my body is whole, complete and amazing.
• 11:33
  Polly Mertens: Still, I'm going to just not push it to its limits, but I'm going to push it to its potential, if you will.
• 11:38
  Polly Mertens: And how can I support them from, you know, from afar, not like put that on the on the shelf and go just sit by their bedside.
• 11:47
  Polly Mertens: Instead, I will use what I'm up to to inspire.
• 11:51
  Polly Mertens: What are you doing Right?
• 11:52
  Polly Mertens: Cause you were telling me that you know it's like, oh, cause, you know some of it is like they can reflect on the pain in the body, or all the doctor's appointments, or you know how much longer do I you know, you know all this like mind spinning that can start to happen and you're like, hey, what are you doing today, right?
• 12:08
  Polly Mertens: So tell me about that.
• 12:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, it's super fun, like one day, um, I, my brother, is a big cyclist too and it was so cool because he got on his bike and was on his bike trainer in the garage getting a sweat on it for 20 minutes or 15 minutes or whatever it was.
• 12:21
  Samantha Pruitt: It's like it was a huge moment.
• 12:23
  Samantha Pruitt: It was a massive moment, you know.
• 12:25
  Samantha Pruitt: But tell him the backstory, cause he hadn't been no, he hadn't been at all, he hadn't been at all for months and months and months Cause he hadn't been feeling good.
• 12:32
  Samantha Pruitt: And then there was a misdiagnosis and eventually a diagnosis.
• 12:35
  Samantha Pruitt: But he got re empowered at getting back on the bike, which is something he loves dearly, greatly.
• 12:44
  Samantha Pruitt: It's a massive part of who he is in the world because of our engagement and just talking about it.
• 12:50
  Samantha Pruitt: So basically, how I liken these experiences I'm having with these two people I love battling cancer is we're warriors, we're at battle together.
• 12:59
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm on the field with them.
• 13:00
  Samantha Pruitt: They're battling every freaking day.
• 13:03
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm on the field with them.
• 13:06
  Samantha Pruitt: They're battling every freaking day.
• 13:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Beyond comprehension.
• 13:08
  Samantha Pruitt: What people who have a diagnosis have to deal with.
• 13:13
  Samantha Pruitt: It's beyond comprehension to me.
• 13:14
  Samantha Pruitt: So how can I be there and make sure they know I'm there on the battlefield with them in the arena.
• 13:18
  Samantha Pruitt: I am a warrior, they're a warrior.
• 13:20
  Samantha Pruitt: What are we doing today?
• 13:22
  Samantha Pruitt: We're going to battle.
• 13:23
  Samantha Pruitt: What does it look like?
• 13:24
  Samantha Pruitt: What's their day?
• 13:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Look like?
• 13:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I share my day.
• 13:26
  Samantha Pruitt: We get fired up, we make crazy jokes, you know, we cry together, we laugh together.
• 13:30
  Samantha Pruitt: It's awesome and that is how I'm choosing to do this.
• 13:36
  Polly Mertens: And tell me how this differs from when you were diagnosed with celiacs many years ago, right when you were like, you had your own diagnosis.
• 13:43
  Polly Mertens: Like holy crap, what is this?
• 13:44
  Polly Mertens: Right?
• 13:45
  Polly Mertens: What was the first?
• 13:46
  Polly Mertens: You know?
• 13:46
  Polly Mertens: Hey, you should go to this meeting.
• 13:47
  Polly Mertens: How did that go?
• 13:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, that's another example of like how we can choose, how we can choose to become empowered around our illness, our diagnosis, around our grief, around our loss.
• 14:04
  Samantha Pruitt: You know we've both lost many people.
• 14:07
  Samantha Pruitt: We continue to lose people that we love and in my instance, with my diagnosis with autoimmune and you have kind of a similar story, oddly enough.
• 14:18
  Samantha Pruitt: But you know they sent me to a meeting as a newly diagnosed autoimmune person and you know you'll get the resources you need in this meeting.
• 14:25
  Samantha Pruitt: You should go in there.
• 14:26
  Samantha Pruitt: And I mean, I'm 30 years old and I roll into this meeting and all of the people in the meeting literally look like they were knocking on death's door.
• 14:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Half of them were in wheelchairs, people were.
• 14:39
  Samantha Pruitt: It was so depressing.
• 14:40
  Samantha Pruitt: I literally walked in there.
• 14:42
  Samantha Pruitt: I was horrified, my eyes just blew wide open and I walked out of there and never walked back because I said to myself that is not my life.
• 14:52
  Samantha Pruitt: I will not those people if that's their, I'm not judging them.
• 14:57
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm just saying for me that was not going to work.
• 15:00
  Samantha Pruitt: I needed to be empowered.
• 15:01
  Samantha Pruitt: I needed to find resources and people and places and things that would allow me to feel a sense of not control but empowerment over what I could do what was possible for me, how I would redefine my body, my brain and my life, moving forward, not just signing up for somebody else's concept of what that was going to look like.
• 15:25
  Polly Mertens: You know.
• 15:25
  Polly Mertens: So what I got out of your story just now, as you shared, was I saw you coming to this why in the road you walked it.
• 15:32
  Polly Mertens: So you're walking on one path that brings you into this meeting, where people are not looking like vitality in life and expression of, like recovery, and here's how amazing it can be to have this and win at it.
• 15:46
  Polly Mertens: Instead, it's here, if you so choose.
• 15:50
  Polly Mertens: Choose, you can come down the road with us toward death's doornail or whatever.
• 15:53
  Polly Mertens: And you, I heard you say I was not going to let that define me.
• 15:58
  Polly Mertens: I was you know what, and you created, you started to create the why in your path, your potential, your future, your body, your mental, the way you would design your life, what you would be able to do or not do, right.
• 16:10
  Polly Mertens: So if you had stepped into that room and the meaning in that moment you said is wow, I guess this is what's ahead for me, or I guess this is all there is, or you know one-.
• 16:22
  Samantha Pruitt: It's a surrendering to somebody else's definition of your life, your body, how you will be, what your life and story will be.
• 16:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Whose story is this Girl, right?
• 16:37
  Polly Mertens: Okay, that is every moment, every day, every relationship, every job we take, every, every, every, every, everything.
• 16:44
  Polly Mertens: Whose life is this?
• 16:46
  Polly Mertens: Who is this going to define me?
• 16:48
  Polly Mertens: What do I have to say about this?
• 16:50
  Polly Mertens: And when we turn over that control, when we surrender that to oh, I guess it's.
• 16:55
  Polly Mertens: You know, that's a choice, it's a handing it to one direction.
• 17:00
  Polly Mertens: This could go in and you're like, uh-uh, I'm not, I'm not handing those goods over that quickly.
• 17:06
  Polly Mertens: Yeah right yeah and so it's, it's absolutely, it's absolutely, and you know, I think, what you are for these people.
• 17:11
  Polly Mertens: One of the things we talked about is is, who are you surrounding yourself with?
• 17:14
  Polly Mertens: Because the doctors will give you, you know, a description and here's what you're going to do and this is how it's going to look for you.
• 17:21
  Polly Mertens: But there's plenty of stories of people who have miraculous, miraculous recoveries or that, you know, never seen before type of thing, because they believe differently than that doctor's frame of mind.
• 17:32
  Polly Mertens: Right, and what you're offering your friends, it sounds like, is hey, I'm over here championing for life and vitality.
• 17:40
  Polly Mertens: Lean into this, lean into the right.
• 17:45
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, and I've had many people in my life um have cancer and battle cancer and some of them are alive and thriving and some of them are no longer with us.
• 17:54
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, my mother died of cancer.
• 17:55
  Samantha Pruitt: She had cancer twice in my lifetime and plenty of friends.
• 17:59
  Samantha Pruitt: So I've been on that journey in particular up close and personal, like in treatment rooms with people doing all the things, and I've seen a lot of different outcomes and it's going to be different for everybody.
• 18:12
  Samantha Pruitt: But I think what we're saying today is whether it is a diagnosis or it is a loss you know a grief cycle around some loss you do have the power and the authority over your own story and how you will choose to make meaning and possibly purpose in a positive way out of these experiences, because life is freaking hard, it's full of shit.
• 18:41
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, it's nonstop.
• 18:43
  Samantha Pruitt: You and I have lost many people in the last couple of years.
• 18:46
  Samantha Pruitt: It's sort of mind boggling right, like every time we turn around there seems to be a new discovery, almost, of somebody that we've lost and like for us, that's been a significant source of fuel for ourselves and our collaboration to get busy doing the work in the world, having to devote you know, devote time, energy and resources that we have into creating impact for humans.
• 19:12
  Samantha Pruitt: It's what we want to be doing.
• 19:15
  Samantha Pruitt: It's who we are in the world, and we understand that this is not a long-term project.
• 19:22
  Samantha Pruitt: This life of ours.
• 19:23
  Samantha Pruitt: You know it's, it's got a time cap people.
• 19:26
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, you know I want to also insert here before I take us in another direction.
• 19:30
  Polly Mertens: One is I was, so we interviewed on the pod, or I've interviewed her actually in one of the episodes that I led with Lisa Kowalski, who was on our podcast earlier this year.
• 19:40
  Polly Mertens: Amazing human being, fit gal.
• 19:44
  Polly Mertens: You know all this good stuff, all this good stuff so, and I had shared with you with her story.
• 19:54
  Polly Mertens: Her mother and father were on vacation and her dad, I think, suffered a heart attack forgive me I don't remember exactly what and died right in front of his mom on vacation, right.
• 20:01
  Polly Mertens: And she was a young girl and, you know, saw her mom from that point forward fall into I'll just say doldrums.
• 20:05
  Polly Mertens: This isn't easy work, but not necessarily what it was, but it was not.
• 20:07
  Polly Mertens: She didn't bounce back from it.
• 20:08
  Polly Mertens: I'll just say doldrums this is an easy word, but not necessarily what it was, but it was not.
• 20:11
  Polly Mertens: She didn't bounce back from it.
• 20:12
  Polly Mertens: Let's just say that it marred her life, her outlook on things.
• 20:16
  Polly Mertens: He was my husband, that's all I was, you know, kind of way.
• 20:20
  Polly Mertens: And surprisingly, lisa was on vacation with her husband.
• 20:26
  Polly Mertens: Many, you know, fast forward many years later in her own life, her and her husband on vacation, four-year-old son is back in the US.
• 20:31
  Polly Mertens: They're overseas.
• 20:32
  Polly Mertens: Sad story husband actually dies in her arms.
• 20:35
  Polly Mertens: You know, and she's witness to that, and you know you have a choice right.
• 20:41
  Polly Mertens: She had a choice in that moment.
• 20:42
  Polly Mertens: She's like she saw what her mom did and she said no, this doesn't define me, you know, she's like I have a four-year-old son at home.
• 20:49
  Polly Mertens: Somebody has to be strong for him.
• 20:51
  Polly Mertens: And it made her stronger, so much stronger.
• 20:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Right, and you can hear about her story in that other podcast, but just and we're not saying she didn't grieve, oh right, of course it was incredibly traumatic.
• 21:02
  Samantha Pruitt: She felt powerless, she couldn't save him.
• 21:05
  Samantha Pruitt: She was literally there when he was dying, on the side of the road.
• 21:20
  Samantha Pruitt: They were in a bike event and but she decided to assign different meaning to that loss, to that grief.
• 21:23
  Samantha Pruitt: It ignited something within her that is just a superpower almost now in terms of how she is a mother, leads her life.
• 21:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, she's got that ring that is a combination of his wedding ring and hers and titanium, or something like that.
• 21:35
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and it's like her superpower.
• 21:38
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean mind blowing, mind blowing.
• 21:42
  Polly Mertens: Right.
• 21:43
  Polly Mertens: And the contrast I want to introduce is I had another dear friend who lost her husband at a young age I would say maybe he was 44.
• 21:51
  Polly Mertens: I think he was younger than that, even 40 to 44.
• 21:54
  Polly Mertens: And he passed away and five years later I observed her in her life and she's having emotional detachment, emotional disassociation disorder right now.
• 22:06
  Polly Mertens: So there was periods of drugs and alcohol, just suffering and the loss, and you know, I kind of figured, okay, it would take a few years.
• 22:12
  Polly Mertens: You know kind of go through the waves of grief.
• 22:14
  Polly Mertens: I mean my gosh.
• 22:15
  Polly Mertens: You know they were kind of soulmates and all that stuff and whatnot and it just kind of destroyed her right.
• 22:23
  Polly Mertens: You know, and we talked about those waves of grief, like it just is drowning her right and she has not bounced back.
• 22:30
  Polly Mertens: She's still and I don't know her future, she's still a young woman, so we'll see what her future holds.
• 22:35
  Polly Mertens: But you know, two women who lost their special someone in their life.
• 22:41
  Polly Mertens: One makes an empowered meaning, says I will get stronger from this, gives herself steps, and you know, both go through grieving.
• 22:48
  Polly Mertens: I'm not saying, like you said, thatisa didn't go through grieving and loss and all that.
• 22:51
  Polly Mertens: Of course one let it drown her and is kind of she's in the throes of it still five years later and consumed by it.
• 22:58
  Polly Mertens: Don't know where that's going to end, and lisa's like yet standing on the shoulders of what that meaning was right and it's.
• 23:06
  Polly Mertens: It's that choice, and so you know what is what do we make meaning of it right?
• 23:12
  Samantha Pruitt: so something I think everybody has these, by the way.
• 23:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Right, everybody has this.
• 23:18
  Samantha Pruitt: At some point there is tragedy, at some point there is loss, at some point there is grief, at some point there is illness.
• 23:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, we're human beings, these things.
• 23:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Things are inevitable.
• 23:31
  Polly Mertens: And the thing I think you and I at the root of this, we're not here to offer advice on grief, counseling or how to, you know, feel better or you know how to move through that.
• 23:40
  Polly Mertens: There's definitely ways through that.
• 23:42
  Polly Mertens: Grief is a um and loss and I don't even like the word loss because I feel like when you lose something then you can't find it and instead I think, if I choose to use the words, you know they made a transition, because then I can still have connection with them and in my beliefs I still very much am connected to the energy of all the people that have made their transition.
• 24:01
  Polly Mertens: You know I don't see them as a physical body, but I connect with them very much.
• 24:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Mine visit me out on the trail in animal form, and I've always had that, even since I was younger.
• 24:12
  Polly Mertens: Well, I was just.
• 24:12
  Polly Mertens: You know, that's funny, you say that, so I wrote down as notes so, like I was like who are all the people?
• 24:17
  Polly Mertens: You know, the list of people that have made their transition?
• 24:20
  Polly Mertens: My dad passed away in 2011.
• 24:22
  Polly Mertens: And the meeting that I made I forget quite how it happened, but it was like a Sarah oh meeting that I made.
• 24:32
  Polly Mertens: I forget quite how it happened, but it was like a Sarah oh.
• 24:33
  Polly Mertens: Kitty wants to talk to us here.
• 24:34
  Polly Mertens: Sorry, I don't know if you can hear him, but he's coming in.
• 24:36
  Polly Mertens: He might join us on this, on this episode, but my dad came through as a squirrel.
• 24:38
  Polly Mertens: That's awesome and he's my dad was a lot of joy and laughter and funny and, you know, kind of a jokester and stuff like that.
• 24:45
  Polly Mertens: So, like ever since, anytime I see a squirrel which isn't very often where I live I'm like, oh, there's my dad, there's my dad Right, and so we get to choose that.
• 24:54
  Samantha Pruitt: We get to choose that, of course, and it's incredibly wonderful when you have that reflection and that emotion and it can stir up, you know, tears and memories and all these things, but we want that.
• 25:08
  Samantha Pruitt: That's part of the human experience.
• 25:10
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, pretending it didn't happen or resisting it happening is sticking those emotions inside and trapping them and forcing them down and pretending they're not there and ignoring them and all of these other things that ultimately manifest in other ways of suffering.
• 25:30
  Samantha Pruitt: They will show up sooner or later.
• 25:32
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, that's just kind of how it works.
• 25:34
  Samantha Pruitt: We know that.
• 25:35
  Samantha Pruitt: But we want to really empower people not to make that happen, you know, not to make it wrong, not to make it bad, just to let it be part of who you are and make your own meaning out of it.
• 25:46
  Polly Mertens: And the other thing that you and I want to help people sort of not wait for the diagnosis, the message from a friend, the passing of a friend, all of that is like get up to it now, like wake the fuck up, right, I mean, that is our ultimate message.
• 26:05
  Samantha Pruitt: So sorry for all the grief and heaviness the first half, but the second half is like hello, you can't get time back.
• 26:19
  Samantha Pruitt: You can't get time back.
• 26:19
  Samantha Pruitt: That goes with spending time and energy resources with people that you love and you want to be with and you want to be connected to.
• 26:22
  Samantha Pruitt: And it also comes from like hello, you, you, what, like, what.
• 26:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Some later somebody's going to come to me and give me like a, a Disney pass and e-ticket for an extra 10 years and I'm going to get to do the fun shit then.
• 26:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Like what, the?
• 26:39
  Samantha Pruitt: That's not going to be happening and this body right now can perform.
• 26:44
  Samantha Pruitt: It's healthy, it's well, it's I'm, I'm thriving.
• 26:48
  Samantha Pruitt: I need to take advantage of that gift I have and fully utilize that.
• 26:53
  Samantha Pruitt: And that goes for other passions.
• 26:55
  Samantha Pruitt: You're you with art and creativity, like really expressing that.
• 26:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, we don't know how many doing these things right.
• 27:02
  Polly Mertens: How many times we see somebody, the diagnosis shows up right or the loss of someone, and then it's like, oh, it's too short, I need to do all these things.
• 27:12
  Polly Mertens: Like there's all these things that I want right, and most often the diagnosis has like some news about, like you know, there's something that's not functioning well in your body and you're going to take a step back for a minute or a hot minute, or you know whatever the timetable is, and that's telling you, well, those things that you wanted to get up to, that you kept putting off for your future, the time was yesterday to start doing them right.
• 27:34
  Polly Mertens: And so what we really want to echo in this and just like, if you're listening to this, you were supposed to hear this and you were supposed to know that.
• 27:40
  Polly Mertens: Don't wait, get up to it now.
• 27:43
  Polly Mertens: And when I've sat with myself and I've thought about these things, it's like it's surprising.
• 27:49
  Polly Mertens: So I'm going to, you know, suggest a question and we answer this question for ourselves.
• 27:54
  Polly Mertens: It's often not these monumental big things that are going to take, you know, millions of dollars to create, or you know, in 20 years, when I'm skinnier, heavier kids are gone.
• 28:05
  Polly Mertens: Whatever it is for you, you know, like, no like.
• 28:08
  Polly Mertens: You're never going to be younger.
• 28:10
  Samantha Pruitt: So the body is.
• 28:11
  Polly Mertens: You can make your body stronger and healthier, oftentimes, like you and, I think, are better, in better shape than we were when we were in our 30s.
• 28:18
  Polly Mertens: But where are you on your journey, right, and wouldn't it be nice to take a really good look?
• 28:26
  Polly Mertens: So I'll ask you a question is do you know what's most important to you?
• 28:30
  Polly Mertens: Do you know what's most important to you in your life right now?
• 28:34
  Polly Mertens: Have you sat back?
• 28:36
  Polly Mertens: So how this looked for me when I got this more so I mean I've got this years ago, but I also got this recently is so you know, I do the morning meditations and a lot of times I do gratitude meditations.
• 28:48
  Polly Mertens: So I think about so I gratitude meditations, so I think about mem.
• 28:50
  Polly Mertens: So I close my eyes and I think about this little journey of like three things that I'm grateful for, times in my life, and one of them was when my dad passed away and being there and that whole experience and, you know, being with my kitty and all these things, and what I realized was the things that are in my gratitude moments are not the things that I was also pursuing.
• 29:14
  Polly Mertens: So you know, I've had this really drive to travel the world and see all these places in the world and fill up my passport and, oh my God, all the places we will go, and I still love doing that Right.
• 29:28
  Polly Mertens: Oh my god, all the places we will go, and I still love doing that right.
• 29:30
  Polly Mertens: But none of the views, none of the cities that I visited topped my list.
• 29:35
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, in in years that I've been doing gratitude, it's never been.
• 29:40
  Polly Mertens: Oh, I mean maybe, but it's never been.
• 29:43
  Polly Mertens: Oh, I, I was so grateful to be able to be on that mountaintop alone and take that picture.
• 29:50
  Samantha Pruitt: That's not it right.
• 29:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Or the promotion, the thing right.
• 29:59
  Samantha Pruitt: A lot of people are attached to the chase of all the things right.
• 30:02
  Polly Mertens: The vacation, the vacation, the trip, the clothes, the whatever.
• 30:06
  Samantha Pruitt: And unfortunately that sets the trap that many of us I've been in, you've been in, many of us have been in, where you continue the chase.
• 30:15
  Samantha Pruitt: So a lot of times I hear from people and I'm sure I've said this to myself I'll get healthy when I have more time.
• 30:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, right now I'm just too busy.
• 30:26
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm raising these kids.
• 30:27
  Samantha Pruitt: I got a business to run.
• 30:29
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm too busy for getting healthy.
• 30:31
  Samantha Pruitt: I'll get healthy later.
• 30:32
  Samantha Pruitt: I will, you know, do that investment with my friends, my girls trip, or you reconnect with my old friends from school and whatever all these old relationships that I have, when I have more money.
• 30:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Right now I can't afford to.
• 30:45
  Samantha Pruitt: Uh, you know, work is the priority and earning the money is the priority Cause.
• 30:49
  Samantha Pruitt: Then I can, you know, pay the car payment and have the house and do the things right.
• 30:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Like there's so many rationalizations that we continue to make and it's because we haven't asked ourselves that simple question that you just did.
• 31:02
  Samantha Pruitt: How you posed that question is, if we haven't asked that question and we don't have great clarity around our life's values and purpose, how in the hell are we making these decisions every day?
• 31:17
  Samantha Pruitt: Of course we're going to make decisions that are not going to be on track and then, when the moment hits us and it will, for all of us, it's something eventually will smack dab you in the face.
• 31:30
  Samantha Pruitt: You're going to be kind of pissed off about it.
• 31:32
  Samantha Pruitt: So why not do the work now?
• 31:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Do the work now.
• 31:36
  Polly Mertens: Yes.
• 31:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Why have regrets?
• 31:39
  Polly Mertens: I was just going to say you know, regret weighs tons, you know, and, and that old excuse of I don't have time or I don't have money or whatever, it's like the things that are meaningful and they matter to you.
• 31:53
  Polly Mertens: If you're not aware of them, you'd be surprised.
• 31:55
  Polly Mertens: So the other thing that I've realized is how I could find them in my life already.
• 32:02
  Polly Mertens: It wasn't a someday thing, it wasn't a oh, I've got a bill to get to.
• 32:06
  Polly Mertens: Oh, in 10 years, when I'm different, it's like no, these relationships, these people, the specialness, the magic, the whatever it is.
• 32:15
  Polly Mertens: If you want to craft, if you want to create, if you want to lay whatever, you'd be surprised how it's right there Exactly.
• 32:24
  Polly Mertens: It's accessible, it's closer than you think.
• 32:27
  Polly Mertens: But you've got to get clear.
• 32:28
  Polly Mertens: Do you really do you know what's really the most important things to you?
• 32:32
  Polly Mertens: Do you have a little list?
• 32:33
  Polly Mertens: Maybe it's a top, even if you had a top three or a top five, these you know.
• 32:37
  Polly Mertens: So my friend has a top five list and one of them is like eating and drinking with wonderful people.
• 32:41
  Polly Mertens: That's pretty simple.
• 32:44
  Polly Mertens: You know eating and drinking with wonderful people.
• 32:46
  Polly Mertens: It's like she can make that happen every week, pretty much Exactly.
• 32:49
  Samantha Pruitt: She didn't say gourmet food, she just said it was about the experience, a shared experience.
• 32:54
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, that's cool.
• 32:56
  Polly Mertens: That's cool, yeah, so I beg you to write that question down and sit with it and answer it for yourself.
• 33:04
  Polly Mertens: Do you know what's most important to you?
• 33:06
  Polly Mertens: Because if you don't, and if you don't spend any time now getting to know what's inside of you, right, you're chasing someone else's dream.
• 33:13
  Polly Mertens: You're chasing something that someone else sold to you, told you about, you don't even want, and guess what, when you get it unfulfilling?
• 33:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly.
• 33:23
  Polly Mertens: Exactly, and life is these micro moments of meaning and purpose and like.
• 33:28
  Polly Mertens: What a joy to stack up in my gratitude moments all these beautiful experiences, Like I'm on the pursuit.
• 33:37
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm on the hunt for those now.
• 33:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Exactly, exactly.
• 33:39
  Samantha Pruitt: That's a bank account.
• 33:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh, made a deposit, made a deposit, made a deposit.
• 33:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Right, if we get to the end and we have absolutely nothing except we have this treasure trove, this incredible wealth around, these experiences with other human beings and personal growth experiences, what in the hell that's winning the lottery?
• 34:01
  Polly Mertens: literally winning a lot about rich, talk about a wealthy life, talk about a life Right.
• 34:07
  Polly Mertens: So exactly what I just want to go back to is you don't need to have a diagnosis a lot you know someone passing away in your life, a big oops or a big, you know interruption.
• 34:16
  Polly Mertens: To start making meaning in your life now, to start making memories of your life now, to start making memories of your life right now, to start making what's most important, most important.
• 34:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, and if you're surrounded by things like I am and that's what started this conversation, where I'm getting messaged many, many times a day about very heavy, challenging, you know, circumstances all around me I'm choosing to decide their meaning and what that means to my story, how these elements of my continued journey are building my story, and I am choosing to utilize them as fuel for my internal fire to pursue my best possible self, my full potential and, ultimately, my legacy of impact.
• 35:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Right, and that's an incredible resource for me if I choose to utilize it that way.
• 35:15
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah.
• 35:16
  Polly Mertens: So I hope you'll take that question and I have another one to introduce, my dear.
• 35:20
  Polly Mertens: That is it's about us, right?
• 35:23
  Polly Mertens: So that's like what do you want your life to be about, like what's most important out in your life?
• 35:27
  Polly Mertens: And another one to reflect on is what is your life about?
• 35:32
  Polly Mertens: What is your life about?
• 35:35
  Polly Mertens: You know, as Gandhi would say, your life is your message and I don't anybody can answer this completely differently.
• 35:41
  Polly Mertens: It's not here to say, oh, your life has to be purpose-driven and serving the planet and serving your fellow human beings or your family or whatever it's like.
• 35:49
  Polly Mertens: You get to choose, but have you considered even the question?
• 35:53
  Polly Mertens: Or are you just going through life and social media and making money and doing things and going on trips or whatever, like the not, and maybe it's a lot of suffering, maybe things aren't looking all that you know.
• 36:05
  Polly Mertens: It's not like I'm choosing all the amazingness I'm sitting in, suffering, but do I even know what my life is about?
• 36:10
  Polly Mertens: Because even in hard times you can have meaning of what that means for you and who you're going to be out of that.
• 36:17
  Polly Mertens: Am I going to overcome this challenge?
• 36:19
  Polly Mertens: Am I going to be a ray of light in the sea of darkness around me, right.
• 36:27
  Samantha Pruitt: You know it's.
• 36:28
  Samantha Pruitt: It speaks to me when you said that about how people write their own story and so many people have just decided that life's happening to them.
• 36:36
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, somehow they got the wrong memo.
• 36:39
  Samantha Pruitt: They're just passively like having this experience in the body and brain they were given.
• 36:46
  Samantha Pruitt: They're just like riding on the bus.
• 36:47
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, know where the bus is going.
• 36:50
  Samantha Pruitt: I have no idea who the bus driver is Don't even know about the guy sitting next to you.
• 36:54
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, exactly, it's just fascinating and we've experienced that on a pretty regular basis and I think, unfortunately, the pandemic a lot of people fell into that trap.
• 37:03
  Samantha Pruitt: So we're here again for that wake up call of like, okay, this is your story, you're writing the book.
• 37:15
  Samantha Pruitt: So tomorrow, by the way, you can turn the page and guess what you can write something different.
• 37:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Yesterday sucked, but today, but today different.
• 37:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Yesterday sucked, today, but today I'm crushing it.
• 37:25
  Samantha Pruitt: I am a fricking gold chasing machine.
• 37:26
  Samantha Pruitt: I like, just like that you can literally write a different story and we laugh about it because it sounds ridiculous, but it's true, because we've done it and we literally know thousands of people that have done it, because the switch flipped right.
• 37:43
  Samantha Pruitt: We empowered each other ourselves, they empowered themselves.
• 37:47
  Samantha Pruitt: We all decided at some moment to do it differently and we started to write the story differently.
• 37:53
  Samantha Pruitt: It's the same thing Like if you don't have clarity around these things, what story are you writing?
• 37:58
  Samantha Pruitt: How do you even know?
• 37:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Are you the main character?
• 38:00
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, it's your life.
• 38:03
  Samantha Pruitt: I kind of hope you're at least the main character, aren't you?
• 38:05
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, you know, the big concept that we're introducing here is living life by default, which is what I was doing for the majority of my younger years.
• 38:15
  Polly Mertens: Living by default, you know, like whatever wasn't shown to me.
• 38:18
  Samantha Pruitt: I was just surviving girl, I was like surviving.
• 38:22
  Polly Mertens: And then next that we're inviting people into is living life deliberately or intentionally, like by choice, like what is your intentional?
• 38:31
  Polly Mertens: Living and it doesn't just happen.
• 38:34
  Polly Mertens: You can't just say I'm living life by design.
• 38:39
  Samantha Pruitt: You don't build a house without design, without plans.
• 38:41
  Polly Mertens: Yes, and first step, you got to know what you want, right, and some of that comes from the contrast of what you're living and maybe you don't want that, and some of it may be just opening up your eyeballs and going, oh, that's amazing, I want more of that in my life.
• 38:53
  Polly Mertens: I'm not making enough space for that which is already here or is trying to be a part of my life.
• 38:58
  Polly Mertens: I'm just overlooking it.
• 39:00
  Polly Mertens: Right, it's acknowledging and going, oh, that's really the precious moments, you know, when people I know there's stories I don't have children, so bear with me but people you know the men will say, oh, I'm off making all this money so I can give my kids a great life, and it's like and at the expense of being in their life, sometimes right, and so, whatever that looks like for you, is there an important person or people in your life that maybe they're really the most important thing or they're what your life is about?
• 39:30
  Polly Mertens: And are you sure we all have to?
• 39:33
  Polly Mertens: You know where we get to make choices on how much time we spend here or there or where we invest our time, but being deliberate about it, you know, I think jesse itzler, we were talking about him.
• 39:47
  Polly Mertens: He's married to sarah blakely, who's the founder of the spanx, and you know, they're just amazing little power couple.
• 39:50
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, yeah and they've got quite a life they've designed.
• 39:53
  Polly Mertens: You know with what she sold her company billion dollars or whatever it is.
• 39:57
  Polly Mertens: So they're living a different scale of life.
• 39:59
  Polly Mertens: But he's like um.
• 40:01
  Polly Mertens: He posted somewhere on social about how he designs his life, for how much time he spends with his kids and the family and all these things, and it's, it's a pie chart.
• 40:12
  Polly Mertens: He has a pie chart.
• 40:12
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, it's been non-negotiable for a long time.
• 40:16
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, totally, the work time is not the three quarters of his life right, right it's like a quarter.
• 40:24
  Polly Mertens: So.
• 40:24
  Polly Mertens: So what else in your stories, what else, my dear, can you share with these folks about that's been going on for you?
• 40:30
  Polly Mertens: That is fueling your fire, or is something that people really need to know right now if they are facing either a friend or a family member or they're just not able to kind of refuel their fire?
• 40:43
  Samantha Pruitt: I think this idea of when we really want to drive this home, this is at the core of our Everyday.
• 40:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Awesome messaging right is your life is not eternal.
• 40:57
  Samantha Pruitt: Not to again bring it back to negative, but you know, we all have to face our immortality at some at some point, right?
• 41:05
  Samantha Pruitt: So that questioning of, like, how many summers do you have left?
• 41:10
  Samantha Pruitt: And you and I have had these conversations like, hey, we want to get backpacking, we want to do this, we want to do that.
• 41:14
  Samantha Pruitt: Like, as we age, you know those opportunities might become less available to us.
• 41:20
  Samantha Pruitt: We don't know.
• 41:21
  Samantha Pruitt: So do we have to wait until we have the resources or should we just do it?
• 41:24
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, like it's it's a constant sort of conversation that we have with ourselves and with each other and with the people in our lives, like making balance around all of that kind of stuff.
• 41:34
  Samantha Pruitt: And I'd say for me, continuing to witness.
• 41:36
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, it really started when I was quite a bit younger.
• 41:39
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, my mom got cancer when I was very young, nine and she was battling that whole lifetime until she passed away at 67.
• 41:47
  Samantha Pruitt: And my dad died young, at 62.
• 41:48
  Samantha Pruitt: So I I watched a lot of people around me waiting right, struggling, struggling, chasing, chasing and waiting to take care of themselves or health, to to have better relationships, to spend more time on things that they love.
• 42:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Waiting, yeah, what in the hell are we waiting for?
• 42:07
  Samantha Pruitt: And so for me, again this recent you know witnessing of people I love suffering, or people I'm working with, you know behaving badly, or people that I'm experiencing the world just kind of allowing their lives to shrink and be less meaningful, I say hell to the no, like literally it is turned up my volume button so high on the hell to the no I can barely even contain it on the daily because I keep seeing it bumping into it, like I was expressing to you in that text.
• 42:42
  Samantha Pruitt: So for me it's a constant opportunity.
• 42:46
  Samantha Pruitt: We all have to wake the hell up because I guarantee I'm not the only one getting these messages and for me to take that on as a fuel, source for motivation to get busy doing the things that matter.
• 43:00
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't take life for granted.
• 43:04
  Samantha Pruitt: I do not take this day for granted.
• 43:06
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't take this body for granted, how my brain functions, I don't take any of it for granted.
• 43:13
  Polly Mertens: I don't.
• 43:14
  Samantha Pruitt: And so I'm choosing to make all of that my highest value and where I feel I can have the most impact at the same time.
• 43:22
  Polly Mertens: You know, and I think something as you were talking that was, I was kind of tuning into what people might be telling themselves or the mind might be saying is well, they can do that, but I can't, or you know limiting beliefs excuses right, or I've got all this responsibility, or I've, I've set my life up for this way, or whatever.
• 43:42
  Polly Mertens: So we have no responsibilities at all.
• 43:44
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, nothing, yeah, yeah, but it's, it's remembering that, like I said a little earlier, it's like it doesn't necessarily mean that you, we're not saying I mean there, there may come a time I hope it doesn't happen for people that they get the wake-up call and then everything is radically shifted because you didn't shift it earlier.
• 44:02
  Polly Mertens: So it's like the universe saying, hey, you need to connect with the people that you've been ignoring, or yourself you've been ignoring yourself, you know, and some of these diagnoses is what that is, is they've not been taking care of themselves.
• 44:13
  Polly Mertens: And it's like it doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be 180 degrees of what you're already living.
• 44:21
  Polly Mertens: It might be little shifts, little adjustments, you know.
• 44:25
  Polly Mertens: So for me, it was just noticing wow, I really enjoy spending time with people instead of traveling off to, you know, or my gratitude moments that really come from those magical moments with people.
• 44:35
  Polly Mertens: So I just shifted my lens of where am I focusing my time, where am I focusing my resources?
• 44:42
  Polly Mertens: What am I paying attention to?
• 44:44
  Polly Mertens: What am I welcoming into my life?
• 44:46
  Polly Mertens: You know.
• 44:47
  Polly Mertens: So maybe in the past I would have said no to these things.
• 44:51
  Polly Mertens: I was like, oh no, I'm too busy, I've got to make money so I can go on my next trip, kind of thing.
• 44:54
  Polly Mertens: And instead it's like, oh my God, somebody's inviting me.
• 44:57
  Polly Mertens: Like last night I went to this new women's circle and it was like oh, okay, you know like a gathering of women.
• 45:07
  Polly Mertens: You know, I mean that was a big hell.
• 45:08
  Polly Mertens: Yes, for me that was not hard to say.
• 45:09
  Polly Mertens: Oh, you know, I'm like.
• 45:09
  Polly Mertens: Oh, but what are the other things that maybe I've said no to?
• 45:13
  Polly Mertens: That were?
• 45:13
  Samantha Pruitt: micro moments that yeah yeah, what are you saying no to?
• 45:18
  Samantha Pruitt: Or what are you saying later to?
• 45:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Later or there'll be so many more opportunities for those things.
• 45:26
  Samantha Pruitt: I haven't talked to my old high school girlfriends and you, but we'll have time.
• 45:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Well, you know it'll happen.
• 45:33
  Samantha Pruitt: There'll be a reunion.
• 45:34
  Samantha Pruitt: What in the hell are you talking about?
• 45:36
  Samantha Pruitt: There'll be a reunion when?
• 45:38
  Samantha Pruitt: How do you even know?
• 45:40
  Samantha Pruitt: And what's that going to look like?
• 45:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Why would you even say maybe later?
• 45:46
  Polly Mertens: And I didn't want to insert a not great story but I think I will share it because it was a bit of a wake up call for me and maybe somebody needs to hear this.
• 45:54
  Polly Mertens: So I have a longtime friend.
• 45:57
  Polly Mertens: We were probably he's one of the first people I ever met in San Luis Obispo so long time relationship and we weren't like buddy buddy, we'd meet every weekend kind of thing.
• 46:06
  Polly Mertens: But this is kind of one of those friends.
• 46:08
  Polly Mertens: It's like once a quarter, three times a year, we get a nice ketchup lunch.
• 46:12
  Polly Mertens: You know, get a nice two hour or more ketchup lunch, right, and just start the conversation from right where we left off and they were just beautiful and yummy and it's like what have you been doing?
• 46:23
  Polly Mertens: And just like one of those people that for each other we're just like 100 yes to whatever your life is right.
• 46:30
  Polly Mertens: Oh, you've got a new relationship.
• 46:31
  Polly Mertens: Oh, you got a new job.
• 46:32
  Polly Mertens: Oh, that one didn't work out, or it was like you were awesome on each other's fan club yes, yes, and um hadn't seen him, you know, during the pandemic hadn't seen him and stuff like that.
• 46:43
  Polly Mertens: And so, coming out of the pandemic, um, it probably been a good six months since I'd seen him and I put off and I said, well, maybe you don't need to see him for a little bit.
• 46:58
  Polly Mertens: Just, there were some excuses that I made and I tell you, within like 90 days he was dead.
• 47:06
  Polly Mertens: It shocked me.
• 47:08
  Polly Mertens: Not a long-term disease, no warning, not of the age that you would expect it.
• 47:18
  Polly Mertens: And I was like wow, didn't get to say goodbye, wow didn't get to say goodbye, didn't get to exactly do a last catch-up and you never know when it is exactly.
• 47:29
  Polly Mertens: You never know, you never know, you never know when your last opportunity.
• 47:35
  Samantha Pruitt: That goes for every single one of us.
• 47:38
  Polly Mertens: All of it.
• 47:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Every single one of us, you know, and these people that hold grudges and do all these strange behaviors it's just, you know, so unnecessary.
• 47:48
  Samantha Pruitt: I guess you know this is a big part of you know.
• 47:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Why we want to drive this point home today is maybe you haven't had these experiences and that's why we're sharing a multitude of these stories that feel very heavy and grief and loss.
• 48:04
  Samantha Pruitt: But this is life.
• 48:07
  Samantha Pruitt: This is life.
• 48:09
  Samantha Pruitt: At some point I will not be here anymore.
• 48:12
  Samantha Pruitt: That's a real thing and y'all better know what the hell I was about.
• 48:17
  Samantha Pruitt: I better have made some tremendous impact.
• 48:20
  Samantha Pruitt: My legacy better be like a fricking earthquake that doesn't stop.
• 48:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, I will literally be those little aftershocks forever.
• 48:33
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, it's just how it is.
• 48:34
  Samantha Pruitt: I want to be that person in the world, and so me today, on my daily like, gets on about creating that, you know, gets on about doing that kind of impact, and everybody wants that for a legacy.
• 48:49
  Samantha Pruitt: They want to be remembered, they want to have a story told about them, they want to be understood and seen and heard.
• 48:58
  Samantha Pruitt: We all do, and that's just that can't happen sitting on the sofa playing video games or walking around with earbuds in as you move about the world, shopping, driving, doing every damn thing disconnected from other humans, or filling your calendar to the max with things that maybe don't matter or things that you work.
• 49:24
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, filling your calendar to the max with things that you are not intentional about, that aren't gonna make a fucking bit of difference.
• 49:31
  Polly Mertens: I don't know, no one's gonna care so I just want to reiterate these two questions.
• 49:36
  Polly Mertens: I would say, you know, if we bring it down to like, towards the end, you're like what's?
• 49:40
  Polly Mertens: What's the one thing we want to leave people with?
• 49:42
  Polly Mertens: I think these two questions I want to leave them with before we go, unless there's something else that you I'm good, okay, so I'll reiterate the two questions.
• 49:51
  Polly Mertens: first one is do you know what's most important to you, like, do you really know what's most important to you?
• 49:57
  Polly Mertens: And then, of course, the follow up to that is are you spending time in that, are you investing time in that?
• 50:02
  Polly Mertens: And the second is do you know what your life is about and are you designing it deliberately?
• 50:09
  Polly Mertens: Are you the intentional creator of your life?
• 50:12
  Polly Mertens: And if not, the pen is in your hand.
• 50:14
  Polly Mertens: Pick it up, scratch out what you're doing.
• 50:17
  Polly Mertens: That doesn't add meaning to that story that you want to write and start writing it, and you can do it today.
• 50:24
  Polly Mertens: You don't need these moments or these bangs in the universe of like wake up calls.
• 50:28
  Polly Mertens: This you hearing, this is the wake up call that you needed.
• 50:33
  Samantha Pruitt: A hundred percent, A hundred percent.
• 50:34
  Samantha Pruitt: And some people do need help answering these questions.
• 50:38
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, we're coaches so we help facilitate these conversations all the time.
• 50:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, so we kind of are taking for granted a little bit that that's just a normal thing we get.
• 50:49
  Samantha Pruitt: For some people this feels really weird and awkward and, by the way, no one's ever asked them.
• 50:56
  Polly Mertens: Well, here's the other thing, too, is they're like well, if they answer the questions, then what?
• 51:01
  Polly Mertens: How do I?
• 51:02
  Polly Mertens: How do I make a change?
• 51:03
  Polly Mertens: How do I, how do I redesign my life?
• 51:05
  Polly Mertens: How do I start living like this Game on Hell?
• 51:10
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, that's what that's.
• 51:11
  Polly Mertens: What coaching is all about is like oh, I don't want that anymore in my life.
• 51:14
  Polly Mertens: This is what I want in my life.
• 51:16
  Polly Mertens: Let's get super crystal clear about it.
• 51:17
  Polly Mertens: Start building a life in that direction and never look back, never look back.
• 51:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh yeah, we're totally in for that.
• 51:25
  Polly Mertens: So good, so good.
• 51:27
  Polly Mertens: Well, you know, as we thought about this, I was like, oh my gosh, this is kind of a deep topic, but I love that we're ending where we want to leave people with, which is like meaning empowerment.
• 51:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Yes, yeah, start writing your own damn story, people.
• 51:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Come on, let's go.
• 51:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Rainbow colored pens, of course.
• 51:47
  Polly Mertens: Fantastic.
• 51:48
  Polly Mertens: All right, sister, all right lovely.
• 51:49
  Polly Mertens: What do you want to help them remember?
• 51:51
  Polly Mertens: What do you want to remember them about Everyday Awesome Project, what is it?
• 51:55
  Samantha Pruitt: How your life looks is not as important as how it feels.
• 52:01
  Polly Mertens: And remember every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.