Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / Setting the Room's Temperature

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Setting the Room's Temperature · Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh

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Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Chatting With
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The Experts, where I speak with amazing women from Africa, from
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the Caribbean, and in the diaspora.
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and these women share with me my mission, which is to educate,
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to empower, and to inspire women globally, and today's no exception.
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Our topic today is The energy you Bring, What the Room Feels Before you Speak.
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And to join me to do that is an author and meeting design expert who shows
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entrepreneurs and professionals how the energy they bring into any room sets
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the temperature for every conversation, decision, and outcome that follows.
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She is the founder of ReThought LLC, and the author of The Meeting Room, which
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is an Amazon number one new release.
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She's known as The Meeting Architect, and she brings 31 years of experience
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from the Tennessee Valley Authority where she launched TVA's first innovation
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center and served as the inaugural Lean Six Sigma Black Belt to her
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work helping leaders design meetings that actually move things forward.
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There's so much more I can say about her, but before I continue reading
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her impressive, very impressive bio, I'll invite her to join me.
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So with that, I wanna welcome Rebecca Mott to Chatting with the Experts.
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Welcome, Rebecca Hi, Paula.
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Oh my gosh.
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I say this all the time, that I have such impressive guests joining me
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every week, and you're no exception.
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Did I leave anything out about you?
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Oh my goodness, no.
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Thank you so much for that gracious introduction.
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Yo, oh my God, I know you're a certified change management practitioner,
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professional coach, you're a Scrum Master.
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Oh my gosh, and it goes on and on.
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Thank you for saying yes.
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Thank you for the invitation.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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We talked about energy that you bring into any room that you walk into, more or
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less, and you keep saying that people set the temperature before they even speak.
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Let's talk about that.
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Why do you think, or why do you say that?
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Why do you say that our energy is our data?
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Oh my goodness, Paula, this goes back more than 20 years in my career
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when I first learnt this lesson.
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And I had stepped into a role where I was a technical service representative basic
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at a laboratory, and I was the first point of contact with customers, and that was
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before we had Zoom and virtual meetings, so everything was done on the telephone.
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And I attended this course where it was talking about how to be a customer
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service professional, and they talked about the tone of your voice on the phone
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and how that created the connection with the person on the other end of the line.
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And so they talked about not just the tone of your voice, how you speak, all of
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those things, but they also talked about even though the person cannot see you…
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Get this, Paula, even though the person cannot see you, when you smile while
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you're talking on the telephone, that they can pick up on that positive tone
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in your voice from the smile on your face on the telephone while you're talking.
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And I started practicing this positive energy just on the telephone, and
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then I realized at some point, wait a minute, I need to do the same thing
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when I show up in the meeting room.
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When I go to meetings, I need to do the same kind of prep that I was doing and the
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same kind of energy that I was bringing on the telephone calls to the meeting
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room, and it transformed in both places.
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People, even after I left that role, Paula-… people would call
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me and say, "Hey." And I would say, "Listen, I'm not doing that anymore."
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And they'd say, we love to, we love working with you." And so it really
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helped me understand that the energy that I was bringing to the room,
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and even on the telephone, mattered
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in talking offline, you mentioned that, you know, even like people
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felt that unsafe sometimes.
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So depending on how you entered the room, like whether you're smiling, or even as
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you said, on the telephone when you smile.
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Because I remember the first time I heard that, I thought,
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"That's weird." But then I started listening more, and that is so true.
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You know when the other person is smiling.
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You feel it, You can hear it even before they even speak.
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oh, this person is pleasant.
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This customer service rep is pleasant, and you feel more comfortable.
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So you are saying that you can even get your best ideas, you feel comfortable,
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you feel more at ease, better things can happen, the outcome can be better
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depending on how you receive the person, whether virtually or whether
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you can see them or not, based on what they are bringing into that room.
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Absolutely.
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And a lot of times we don't realize that, and especially if we are in a professional
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setting where things are busy, right?
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People are busy.
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Sometimes you're going from meeting to meeting, and if you're in a
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high-stress job, that impacts it as well.
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And I've been there.
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I've been in, I served in operations where, things were really intense, Paula.
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And I realized that if I brought nervous energy to the room-… if I was stressed
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walking into the room, that it impacted how I showed up in the room and how
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people received me and interacted with me.
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To the point that I got so good at practicing what I'm talking about,
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showing up with that positive energy, that let's just face it, Paula, every
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one of us is gonna have a bad day, right?
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Oh, yes.
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It's not if, but when.
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Yep.
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And so I had established such a consistent way of showing up positively that when
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I walked in a room and I was upset about something, people would immediately say,
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"What's wrong, Rebecca?" Because they sensed that shift in my normal energy
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that I brought into the room to, oh my goodness, this is something different.
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And , it was before I even spoke a word, I would just walk in and sit down, and
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someone would look at me who had worked with me for a while, and they would say,
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"Is everything okay?" Or, "What's going on, Rebecca?" And that is exactly what
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we're talking about here today, Paula.
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We don't realize sometimes- We're not aware of that energy that we're
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carrying around, that we're bringing into the professional setting, that
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we're bringing into the rooms that we enter, and it is having an effect
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on the other people in the room.
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So another thing you said.
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You said it's not a personality trait.
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What is it then?
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Is it something that we can learn?
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if so, how do we learn it?
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Yeah.
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That's a great question, and it really depends on where your starting point is.
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And for some of us it will require more work than for other people, just
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depending on your starting point.
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But here's one thing that I tell people as a starting point that will
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help you become more aware, and that is paying attention to your breath.
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The way that you breathe.
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And I learned this even more when I started running.
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So I decided one day I wanted to train to run a marathon.
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And, so I went from walking, I couldn't even walk a mile, Paula.
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And so I went from not being able to walk a mile to training for a marathon.
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And as I was progressing, at one point I got out and I was doing my
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running thing, and I got what they call, runners call it side stitches.
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And it's this stabbing pain.
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It feels like a stabbing pain in your ribcage.
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That's what it feels like.
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And I didn't know what was going on with me.
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I was like, "What is going on?" And I had to stop running.
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I barely got back to my car, the pain was so bad.
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And I got home and I did my research.
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What is happening with me?
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And, this is what it said.
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You get side stitches when you are not pacing your breath with your run.
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So you're going faster, you have to get more oxygen in, and if you're
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not doing that, then your lungs go into a spasm because they're not
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getting the proper amount of oxygen.
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And so I started paying more attention to my breath, and I realized in
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meetings, I was showing up, I was paying more attention to my breath.
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I realized I was holding my breath at certain part, parts in the meeting, Paula.
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I wasn't even aware I was doing that until I started paying attention to my breath.
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I was like, "Why am I holding my breath in this meeting?" I would
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hold my breath for 10 seconds.
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That's not good, Paula.
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That's not good for your body.
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That is a indication of stress.
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Stress, yes.
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And so I started studying about all the neurology that happens,
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the things that happen in
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your brain, the neurochemistry.
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I started studying all of that and understanding how
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all of that tied together.
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And, if you're familiar with meditation practices.
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They start with breath.
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You practice breathing.
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Slow in, slow out, box breathing.
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Think different types of breathing that gets your physical body to calm
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down and get into a calmer state, which then helps your mind to calm down.
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You slow the breath down, you slow the mind down, and now your body, the
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neurochemistry, starts triggering, "I'm safe," and that shifts your
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energy, and you can bring that calm presence into wherever you are
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through how you control your breath.
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So I talk about it in my book.
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I talk about that breathing and how important it is.
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You know, I know you're a Christian.
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Am I right with that?
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Say that again
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I said I know you're a Christian.
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Am I right with that?
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Yes, I am a Christian.
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Yes.
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And I know when we talk about breath, you know, even as a baby is born, the first
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thing is the breath we take in, you know?
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And, because we are Christians we read the Bible and we talk, God breathed into
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us, into man, and that's the first breath.
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And I too have been taking note of breathing and how
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important it does, it is for us.
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I mean, holding your breath as you know, as you were talking about it, I
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was even now being more conscious of how I was listening to you and holding
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my breath listening to you talking about holding your breath, you know?
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And I've seen over the past few weeks as I've become more conscious about
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my health.
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More conscious about breathing exercises, you know.
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When I say breathing exercise, like in the morning, throughout the day I
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should say, I've learnt to, even if I'm not stressed, to stop, take a deep
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breath, hold it for, taking count.
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Taking a deep breath for four seconds, hold it for another four,
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breathe out for eight seconds.
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And how helpful that has been, you know?
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And it comes down, as I said, to the basic, when we calm ourselves
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down through breathing exercises, it changes so many things, you know?
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I haven't done all the studies of the neurology because I said
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I'm taking more, I'm being more intentional about so many things.
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What I put into my mouth, how I think, who I speak to, measured tones.
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And now speaking with you, you know, as you say, it makes a difference in
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how we appear, how we show up in the world, how we show up in meetings,
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how we even relate to people.
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And as you say, you know, when you calm yourself down, the way you're calmer,
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people feel it.
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And you change … the atmosphere around you.
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Oh, I love that, Paula.
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We change the atmosphere around.
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And so this is what I tell people.
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I ask the question: Do you wanna be a thermometer or a thermostat?
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Mm.
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So a thermometer responds to the environment around them, and it moves
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based on what's happening in the…
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But a thermostat controls the temperature of the environment.
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So you have to make a decision.
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Do you wanna be a thermostat, or do you wanna be a thermometer?
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And so many of us, in different ways, show up as thermometers,
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and we're just reacting to what's going on around us rather than
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doing exactly what you just said.
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You said, and I love the word, intention.
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You show up with intention, and the intention is to show
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up with that calm presence and be that thermostat in the room.
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And I realized, so for about four years in my career, I was facilitating meetings
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from every frontline, you know, employees all the way up to executives in the
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room, and I'm facilitating these meetings.
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And I realized, Paula, that this is where I realized the practice of this
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calm presence that I'm bringing into the room and how that establishes a
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certain energy in the room that allows people to either relax and lean in or
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can cause people to be more nervous.
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And if I walk in with that calm presence, people respond.
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I'm being that thermostat, and it cools the temperature down in the room.
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So I would say to anyone, if you're walking into rooms and it seems like
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every time you walk into a room things are just going, ask yourself, "When I
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walk into that room, am I showing up as a thermometer and just reacting and flowing
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with whatever's going on in the room?
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Or am I showing up with that intention to be a thermostat and help
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set the temperature in the room?"
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And that's important.
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That's the key, and that's why you said you are the designer.
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And I remember a earlier conversation and you said that's what helps… it
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has taught you a new way of building businesses, a new way of navigating,
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um, navigating through this world.
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Absolutely.
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And also, Paula, if anyone who's listening today, if you are a leader,
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which I believe we are all leaders in our own right, wherever you
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are, it doesn't matter your title.
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If someone's looking up to you, you are a leader.
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And, but here's the thing, Paula, I watched some of the best leaders
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that I had the opportunity to serve, and this is what they practice.
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They would show up with that calm presence, and out of how
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they showed up, it impacted me.
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And so, you know, flipping that around, I had to ask myself, how am I
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showing up so that I… because how I am showing up is impacting, is having
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an impact on the people around me.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so understanding that as a leader is so important because so
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many leaders talk about, I've heard leaders complain about their team,
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about the, oh, the environment, oh, my teams, and they complain about it.
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And I want to let them know, you have more power than you think you have on
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how you impact the people that you're leading, and it starts with this energy
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that you are bringing into the rooms where you show up with your people
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So one last tip you can, I was gonna say, I know you had a serious, you
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mentioned to me, uh, feel free if you do wanna share it or not, that you
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had a serious health um, challenge at some point, and you realized that this
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is a resource that you could share.
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As you mentioned, it's a leadership resource.
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It's a leadership choice.
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If you had an option to go back to your earlier days in
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corporate, what would you change?
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What would you say now to your earlier self?
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Not even to the people, but to your earlier self.
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To Rebecca, the younger Rebecca, "Rebecca, you should have done this. Rebecca, if
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I know what I know now, this is what I would have done when I was younger."
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Oh, wow.
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That is a big question.
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We can, we can change the question.
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No, it is-
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We can change the question.
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… But it's a fantastic question.
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But I want to, want to start with, yes, I did have a serious health event.
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And I want to use this, so your audience is women, and I want to say
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if you have not had your mammogram, please go get your mammogram.
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I was diagnosed in October of 2024 with hormone receptor-positive breast cancer.
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And that journey, it triggered a whole journey of course of all the
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treatment that followed to where I am today, which is cancer-free.
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And, you know, here's the thing, and we're Christians.
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Mm-hmm.
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I believe that God provides healing for the human body in
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answer to believing in prayer.
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And again, it's a cooperation that you enter with God, and it
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takes you doing some things, and then God will do some things.
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This is how I believe.
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I believe that faith is an interactive thing, right?
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If you study the Bible, you will see God interacted with humankind.
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Mm-hmm.
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He interacted with the father of faith, Abraham.
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He interacted with Moses, and he would tell them to do some things.
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They would be responsible to do some things, and then he was
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responsible to do some things.
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And so that whole cancer journey triggered that.
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But when we talk about the energy that you bring into it, again, I
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don't wanna get too deep in it because I've studied a lot about, again, the
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neurochemistry, all the things that happen in your body when we're stressed
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are counterproductive to the healing process.
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So when you talk about this calm presence, facing a disease like cancer
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is very serious, but it matters what energy you bring into that healing
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process, into that treatment room, right?
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I had to have chemotherapy treat- I had to have surgery, I had to have
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chemotherapy treatment, I had to have radiation therapy treatment.
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And what I'm talking about now, I practiced with my treatments, which
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were not easy, but I showed up with that calm presence, with that
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intention even in all of those things.
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And my doctors would just comment about how well I was navigating the
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treatment process and, how positive I was during the treatment process.
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But it was a, it was because of my faith, my belief in God, and again, the
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power of God to do what I couldn't do.
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But then I was responsible for doing some things.
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And what I would say to the younger me
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is to understand your limitations, but then also understand that you have
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responsibility to do some things and know that's, like, where does my responsibility
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end and God's responsibility begin?
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Because so many times, Paula, we try to control things
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that are beyond our control.
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Mm-hmm.
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Or we think about things that are beyond our control.
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I like… Zig Ziglar is one of the leaders that I listened to during
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my career development, and he used to say, he said, "When I would meet
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a challenge or face a challenge or a problem," he said, "I would stop
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and say, 'God, we got us a problem.'"
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We got us a problem.
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And that is what I would say, to my younger self too, is
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that you're not alone in it.
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God is with you in it.
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Mm-hmm
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… Whatever it is.
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And that's what got me through my cancer treatment, is knowing that God,
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even though I was facing this, it was hard, there were, you know, things
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going on with my body that I couldn't control, but God was with me in it.
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Amen.
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He was walking with me in it.
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Or that, you know that poem Footprints in the Sand, right?
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Yes.
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I know it.
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There are times when He's carrying us through it all, and being able to rest
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in that and knowing He's got me, and my job is to show up with the absolute
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faith that He can do what I cannot do.
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Amen.
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Wow.
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What a great note to end on.
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And to say thank you so much, Rebecca, for sharing with us today, and for filling
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us with hope, knowing that when we can't do it, we have a Savior who can help us.
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And to know when your responsibilities stops and when God takes over, and to let
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Him take over, 'cause we can't do it all.
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So to those who are listening who have not joined us in the audience
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and who are listening, if they'd like to know more about you and get in
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touch with you, how can they find you?
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And I'm sure you are online, so how can they find you online?
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So, I hang out mostly on LinkedIn.
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Mm-hmm.
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So you can look me up.
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I can share my link here in the chat.
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I'll drop it.
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I'll drop it in.
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Rebecca H. Mott.
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Mm-hmm.
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And, my website is www.trainwithrebecca.com.
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And I love helping leaders of all kinds understand how to lead with
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that intention, with that purpose that will inspire their people, because
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I say this, we are better together.
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I love it.
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We are indeed better together.
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And for those of you who are listening to this on Audible or on Apple
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Podcasts or Spotify or watching us on YouTube, if you'd like to be a guest
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on Chatting With The Experts, you can reach out to me on my website,
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which is chattingwiththeexperts.com.
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I'm also on LinkedIn.
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Um, a lot of my content is on LinkedIn.
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Just look for Chatting With Experts there or
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my profile page, which is Paula Okonneh.
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I'm on Instagram, my handle there is
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chat_experts_podcast.
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And I'm on Facebook, my personal page, and also the business page
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which I'd love for you to follow, which is Chatting With The Experts.
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And last but not least, we have a YouTube channel that we'd love, love, love for
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you to subscribe to, because that's where you can listen to not just Rebecca, but
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all the other women who, and a few men who have been guests on the show who share
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my mission, which is to educate, empower, encourage, and inspire women globally.
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Thank you so much, Rebecca, for joining us today.
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And now we will open up the floor to those who joined us in the
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audience so that they can ask you the questions that I always say that, the
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questions that I forgot to ask you.
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That's what they'll do.
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Thank you again.