Latest / Becoming Irresistible / Season 2, Episode 14. Irresistibility Spotlight: Rudolph Valentino

Transcript

Season 2, Episode 14. Irresistibility Spotlight: Rudolph Valentino · Becoming Irresistible

• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Becoming Irresistible.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jay, a high achievement lifestyle strategist and irresistibility expert.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about something I've noticed over so many years, and I've always wondered about it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I thought I'd research a little bit about it and see what came up from this topic.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm sure you've also noticed the same thing that I have.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're driving in the car, your favorite song comes on, and almost automatically your hand reaches out for that volume knob.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: You turn it up, and sometimes you turn it way up.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: But then maybe somebody else in the car puts on another song, one that you really don't like, and what do you do then?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's really fascinating.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your speakers didn't change, right?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your ears have not changed.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing that changed was your relationship to the sound.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So why do we do this?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, what does this tiny habit reveal about the way our brains work and about what makes people irresistible?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: So at first it seems obvious.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: We turn up songs we like, well, because we like them, right?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not a very satisfying answer.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes your favorite song is actually playing louder than the song that you disliked.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yet somehow it doesn't feel louder, right?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, you feel like you want to turn it up more, except you're probably worried about other people complaining or people hearing you from outside because your music is so loud.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: But if there was no one around, you'd probably turn it up even louder.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, someone else, when they're listening to their favorite song and they turn up the volume, it can feel almost painfully too loud, right?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's at the same level or lower than what you were playing your song at.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: So the exact same sound can bring a lot of comfort, energy, excitement to one person, but it can prove to be irritating to another person.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Why is this?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's because your brain isn't simply measuring sound, it's interpreting meaning.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most remarkable things about the brain is that it's constantly making predictions.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And when your favorite song begins, your brain already knows what's coming.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: It knows the melody, it anticipates the chorus, it remembers the emotion you experienced when you heard it.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: When you first heard it, or maybe that time that you heard it in a certain situation.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, before the chorus even comes on, your brain is already enjoying the anticipation.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why sometimes the first few notes of a favorite song make you smile or make you go, oh yeah, even before anyone starts to sing.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain isn't waiting for the reward, it's predicting it.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So when you turn up the volume, you're not just increasing sound, you're increasing an experience that you already expect you're going to enjoy.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now compare that to a song you dislike.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain is predicting something completely different.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't enjoy this, right?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want more of this.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: So increasing the volume feels like you're increasing an unpleasant experience.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: The sound waves might be identical, but the prediction is totally different.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And this led me to make an even bigger realization.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your brain is not amplifying intensity.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe what it's amplifying is resonance.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: People often assume that if something is louder, bigger, more dramatic, then it's going to have a greater impact.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not how real life works, is it?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: The loudest person in the room isn't always the most influential person.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it's sometimes the opposite.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: The flashiest advertisement isn't necessarily the one you will remember.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: The longest speech isn't necessarily the one that changes your life, right?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Intensity isn't what actually moves people.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Resonance is.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You see this everywhere.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Think about exercising.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine if someone forced you to run five miles.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know those movies we watch where the coach forces the people to do laps.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we ourselves feel miserable when we see that, right?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Every step feels miserable.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: But imagine if you decided you wanted to run a marathon and now you're training for your very first marathon and you go out and run five miles.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: That same exact five miles that you ran before.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's still difficult, but it's no longer pointless, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Think about parenting.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Most people would not happily wake up three times every night for a complete stranger, but they'll do it for their newborn baby.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that sleep deprivation has changed much.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: The meaning has, right?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning changes your experience.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is where this connects back to everything we've been talking about on this podcast.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Irresistible people, they aren't the people necessarily demanding attention.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: They are the people who resonate, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: When someone truly resonates with you, you voluntarily turn up their volume.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You lean in.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody has to convince you.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: You naturally want more of it.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what's happening with your favorite song.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't increase the volume because someone told you to, right?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: You do it because there's something inside you that wants more of that experience, a deeper experience with that.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so as parents, this matters a lot.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because we often think our job is to be louder or to have more rules, more lectures, more reminders.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: But children usually don't remember the loud moments.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: They remember those moments that resonate.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: The conversation that makes them feel understood, makes them feel seen, or a teacher who believes in them, right?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: The coach who challenged them at the right moment.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or the parent who got curious and started asking questions instead of giving them a painful lecture.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Resonance lasts longer than volume.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So the interesting part about this is that we all have a volume knob and we can turn it down, and we can turn it up, and that volume knob is related to your attention.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Every day you decide where your attention goes, you decide what gets amplified.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we're playing on loud the music that we really don't resonate with, and it's painful, but we leave the volume knob there because other people expect us to.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is we should turn now the volume on those things that we don't resonate with.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And turn the volume up on things that we do resonate with.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: What ideas are you returning to right now?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Who are the people that you keep spending time with?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: What habits are you repeating and what conversations are you replaying?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you are turning up, whether or not you like it, that becomes a soundtrack of your life.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's true whether it's hope, a soundtrack of hope, or a soundtrack of fear.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or it could be a soundtrack of confidence or a soundtrack of self-doubt.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your attention.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: What you choose to turn up the volume knob on is the amplifier.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you're driving and your favorite song comes on, notice what your hand is doing.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: It reaches for the volume without you even thinking.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So go back and think about what you've been turning up the volume on lately.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself if you're amplifying the people who are helping you to grow.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are you amplifying ideas that are moving you forward versus amplifying voices that are keeping you small or anxiety or worries that are holding you back?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And because now we understand that the brain doesn't amplify based on volume alone.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: It amplifies based on resonance.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to become irresistible, don't just focus on being loud.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on becoming someone who resonates in a way that people naturally want to turn you up.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's where real influence lies.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not in forcing people to listen to you and grabbing for attention, but in becoming someone that people want to hear more from.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you've enjoyed this deep dive on the volume knob, and thanks for listening.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, stay irresistible.