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Emotional Martial Arts Author Ed Cohen Gives Us The New Book Vulnerable · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

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  Speaker 1: It's a great place to escape to. Arrow dot net
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  Speaker 1: A r r oe dot Net A lot of podcasts
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  Speaker 1: to choose from. Maybe you're just getting into why A Authors,
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  Speaker 1: authors Unplugged only on arrow dot net A r r
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  Speaker 1: oe dot net. Enjoy your exploration, ed, How are you
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  Speaker 1: doing today, sir?
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  Speaker 2: Okay, early morning here?
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  Speaker 1: Well, now where is here?
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  Speaker 2: When you say that, Oh, I live in southern California?
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  Speaker 1: Woo, it is early there?
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  Speaker 3: Man?
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  Speaker 1: What's going on in California? In the way of the
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  Speaker 1: lemon trees and the apple trees? Because that's the one
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  Speaker 1: thing I loved about Los Angeles was the fact that
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  Speaker 1: you could just step outside into a world of your
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  Speaker 1: own and just be taken away by nature and its
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  Speaker 1: beautiful curse.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, we're about to enter into our real summer.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so true. Does that include the Santa Ana wins?
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  Speaker 2: I know that doesn't happen untill September October.
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  Speaker 3: When that happens, everybody braces because that's when all the
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  Speaker 3: fires happen.
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  Speaker 1: That's right, that's right. How did you come up with
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  Speaker 1: the idea of vulnerable and were you in sitting outside,
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  Speaker 1: let's say, in the warmth and comfort of nature to
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  Speaker 1: bring this together, because you've got a lot of things
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  Speaker 1: inside this book that are so transparent and so real
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  Speaker 1: that if somebody walks away saying I wasn't moved by it,
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  Speaker 1: they didn't read the book, you can start the book
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  Speaker 1: off right away and your life is going to be changing.
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  Speaker 2: Oh thank you.
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  Speaker 3: Actually, the idea for the book came up because we
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  Speaker 3: have friends all over the world, and when I turned
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  Speaker 3: sixty five, my wife put together a virtual party for me,
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  Speaker 3: had friends from all over the world participate in it, and.
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  Speaker 2: I wrote.
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  Speaker 3: A couple of pages of notes for myself about just
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  Speaker 3: my journey that I had never talked about with anybody,
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  Speaker 3: and decided it was time to share a little bit
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  Speaker 3: about my journey, and that became the outline for the book.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't that amazing how one man's journey, his challenges, his
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  Speaker 1: highest victories, his his twists, his spins can become lessons
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  Speaker 1: in life for other people that you've never met. And
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  Speaker 1: even though it was your birthday and everybody was there virtually,
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  Speaker 1: it's still one of those situations where you're going to
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  Speaker 1: be reaching people that pick up the book and go,
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  Speaker 1: I gotta know more about this guy.
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  Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I.
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  Speaker 3: Mean I think it's I think it's you know, for me,
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  Speaker 3: it was it started out as something that I just
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  Speaker 3: felt like I needed to get all this down and
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  Speaker 3: get it out, and to be honest with you, it
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  Speaker 3: was it was more so that I would have the
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  Speaker 3: courage to start talking about it, then the need to
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  Speaker 3: have something published that start out that way. It just
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  Speaker 3: started out as I need to release all of this
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  Speaker 3: from my body. And I wasn't ready to talk about
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  Speaker 3: it fully with the whole world, but I was ready
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  Speaker 3: to write about it.
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  Speaker 1: Would you say that that's one of your multiple masks,
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  Speaker 1: because you know how we are with these masks. We
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  Speaker 1: will hide behind it and say what me, No, there,
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  Speaker 1: I don't have a mask on, but you do.
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  Speaker 2: That is absolutely true.
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  Speaker 3: And you know the thing is that most people who
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  Speaker 3: are wearing masks, they know that they're wearing masks. We do,
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  Speaker 3: and you know we all wear masks. I mean, you know,
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  Speaker 3: we wear a mask when we go home. We you know,
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  Speaker 3: to hide the things that happen at work. We wear
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  Speaker 3: a mask when we're at work to hide the things
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  Speaker 3: that happen at home or just anything that we don't
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  Speaker 3: want the rest of the world to know about us.
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  Speaker 2: So we're all wearing masks.
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  Speaker 3: And you know, the whole message of the book is
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  Speaker 3: that you can live a much healthier life if you
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  Speaker 3: remove all of your mass and be truly authentic and
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  Speaker 3: just you know, had the courage to be authentic.
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  Speaker 1: Well, speaking of that courage, you've got some of that
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  Speaker 1: courage going on just in the opening pages of this
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  Speaker 1: book with that disclaimer. If that doesn't say, oh my god,
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  Speaker 1: I've never seen that before in a book like this.
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  Speaker 1: You are very upfront in the very beginning period.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I try to let people know that you know,
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  Speaker 3: this is you know, my story and my journey, my
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  Speaker 3: healing path, what I did, the therapy I went through,
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  Speaker 3: they retreats I went through, you know, all of the extensive.
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  Speaker 2: Experiences along the way.
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  Speaker 3: But they're not necessarily going to be the right for everybody.
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  Speaker 3: And I'm not a professional therapist.
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  Speaker 2: I'm just a person who went.
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  Speaker 3: Through a lot as a child and spent the rest
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  Speaker 3: of my life trying to overcome it.
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  Speaker 1: I love what you say and how you define what
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  Speaker 1: vulnerable is the story of what happens next, and I
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  Speaker 1: and I sat back when I came across that, and
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  Speaker 1: I go, well, that's that's very insightful. And it's like
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  Speaker 1: it's like, wow, okay, let me remove this mask and
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  Speaker 1: read it again, and it's like, oh my god, this
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  Speaker 1: is very moving. Where did that idea come from? Where
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  Speaker 1: it is what happens next?
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  Speaker 3: I think really it comes from a one of my
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  Speaker 3: principles that I've lived by, which is grow through what
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  Speaker 3: you go through, which basically which basically comes down to,
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  Speaker 3: is that you know you you can't change your path
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  Speaker 3: from the past, but you can change the path into
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  Speaker 3: the future.
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  Speaker 1: Would you say that's pretty much breaking the chain because
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  Speaker 1: we know where why most of us are here in
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  Speaker 1: this situation anyway, it was because of those before and
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  Speaker 1: we just happened to be a part of that journey.
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  Speaker 1: So we break the chain.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: And I think, you know, now you're you're diving deeper
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  Speaker 3: into the whole concept of generational trauma.
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  Speaker 2: And oh it doesn't it doesn't get broken.
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  Speaker 3: You know, there are members of my family who carry
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  Speaker 3: it on to their children, and now they're carrying it
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  Speaker 3: on to their children's children. I chose consciously, God bless
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  Speaker 3: you who not send that generational trauma to the next
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  Speaker 3: to the next generation exactly.
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  Speaker 2: But even then, I think that there are certain parts.
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  Speaker 3: Of you know, who I was hiding behind my mask
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  Speaker 3: and everything that inadvertently did it. I mean, we just
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  Speaker 3: all do the best that we can in the moment
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  Speaker 3: that we're doing.
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  Speaker 2: It, and you know, it does.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know if we can eliminate generational trauma, but
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  Speaker 3: I think we can greatly reduce it from one generation
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  Speaker 3: to the next so that it can eventually be eliminated.
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  Speaker 1: You touch on something here that I know people are
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  Speaker 1: going to move closer to They're going to want to
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  Speaker 1: understand it. I openly admit my father, I know he
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  Speaker 1: needed help, but was there help for him.
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  Speaker 3: No.
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  Speaker 1: I swear to God my mom couldn't find help for
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  Speaker 1: my dad. And I wish I could take what I've
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  Speaker 1: learned in my sixty four years of life and take
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  Speaker 1: it back to my father that I had so I
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  Speaker 1: could help him. But we don't get that opportunity. But
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  Speaker 1: you talk about it inside this book about your own father, dude.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, my own my father.
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  Speaker 3: You know, there was no diagnosis of mental illness yep.
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  Speaker 3: In fact, it was a stigma, so nobody even explored
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  Speaker 3: that back in the sixties and seventies, So there was
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  Speaker 3: no diagnosis for that. If you were an alcoholic that
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  Speaker 3: you know, alcoholics anonymous was just getting started. There wasn't
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  Speaker 3: anything like that that it existed. Today, there are so
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  Speaker 3: many resources that exist for people who are having difficulties,
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  Speaker 3: and I think that most of the stigma around mental
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  Speaker 3: illness has gone away.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, today, I think it's kind of a badge
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  Speaker 2: that people wear.
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  Speaker 3: You know, I have a therapist. I'm going to meet
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  Speaker 3: with my therapist. In fact, I do have a therapists
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  Speaker 3: appointment at noon today.
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  Speaker 2: Oh God, I.
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  Speaker 3: Think that everybody sees it in the same place as
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  Speaker 3: they do.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to my doctor for a checkup.
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  Speaker 1: Hold on to that very subject. We're going to cover
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  Speaker 1: it coming up next when we come back with Ed Cohen,
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  Speaker 1: the name of his book Vulnerable. We are back with
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  Speaker 1: Ed Cohen. The one thing that I've noticed about therapists though,
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  Speaker 1: and this is no judgment, All it is is one
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  Speaker 1: man trying to understand is that is that my daughter
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  Speaker 1: is endlessly going to a therapist and I'll go, so
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  Speaker 1: what is he healing? Because I'm not seeing it? And
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  Speaker 1: I'm going God, dang it, you just judged her no way,
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  Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, how do we stop the
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  Speaker 1: judging because you know how we are on the outside,
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  Speaker 1: we're looking for that instinct qre too.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, my cousin was a psychiatrist and he passed away
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  Speaker 3: a few years ago, but he spent many years as
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  Speaker 3: a psychiatrist. He was actually influenced by a movie called
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  Speaker 3: Patch Adams.
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  Speaker 1: You might remember, Yes I Do, Yes I Do.
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  Speaker 3: And so he added humor and comedy to his therapy.
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  Speaker 3: But one of the things that he did was he
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  Speaker 3: created a concept called emotional martial arts. And in an
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  Speaker 3: emotional martial arts he talks about how we have to
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  Speaker 3: release judgment and become an objective observer. So even in
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  Speaker 3: my own life, I have to release judgment on everything
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  Speaker 3: that is happening to me in the moment, and that
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  Speaker 3: can become an objective observer so that I can, you know,
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  Speaker 3: recognize and validate the things that I going through in
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  Speaker 3: order to finally release them.
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  Speaker 1: So, man, is this your way of saying it's okay
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  Speaker 1: to help peel yourself by letting that mask slide. And
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  Speaker 1: because I mean, I mean, what I just felt there
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  Speaker 1: was like he's going Oh my god, He's opening up
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  Speaker 1: the door for us to say, hey, look, don't judge.
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  Speaker 1: Don't judge, not even yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Especially yourself.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, the hardest part of it, I think that you know,
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  Speaker 3: like you're you're looking at potentially you're looking at, well,
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  Speaker 3: how do I not judge the progress that my daughter's
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  Speaker 3: making in therapy? But you know, most of us need
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  Speaker 3: to look in the mirror and say, how do we
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  Speaker 3: not judge the person that we.
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  Speaker 2: See in the mirror? I do, and that's what we do.
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  Speaker 2: That's what we all do. More than anything else.
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  Speaker 3: I want to go back to the whole thing about
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  Speaker 3: the therapist and seeing a therapist for.
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  Speaker 2: A long time.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, sir, I.
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  Speaker 3: Found in my experience that therapists are good for a
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  Speaker 3: reason or a season, but definitely not a lifetime. So
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  Speaker 3: I change therapists many times in my lifetime because I
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  Speaker 3: was looking for a different mode of therapy. So right
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  Speaker 3: now I'm working with a somatic therapist, which is more
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  Speaker 3: about how do you release trauma from your body. It's
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  Speaker 3: less about talking, it's less about talk therapy and more
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  Speaker 3: about experiential therapy. Well, I think that we all need
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  Speaker 3: to look at life from the perspective of you don't
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  Speaker 3: find a therapist and spend the next twenty years seeing
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  Speaker 3: that therapist, I know through that the same therapist, then
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  Speaker 3: you raise a certain level of dependency that I think
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  Speaker 3: has becomes unhealthy in that moment.
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  Speaker 1: In that sense, well, it's one of those things. I
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  Speaker 1: got to be honest with you, ed that it's almost
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  Speaker 1: like I played my therapist. I knew what they were
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  Speaker 1: going to ask, I knew how they were going to react,
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  Speaker 1: I knew what they were going to do. So therefore,
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  Speaker 1: in that little hour time that we have together, I
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  Speaker 1: was the one that was controlling the situation, not them.
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  Speaker 2: That's funny that you say that. I agree with you.
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  Speaker 3: I also had a therapist that I went to who
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  Speaker 3: eventually became a cheerleader for everything. So every time this
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  Speaker 3: is happening, I'm finding it a challenge to go through.
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  Speaker 3: Their response was to tell me their own story, which
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  Speaker 3: you know, their own story is fine and valid, but
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  Speaker 3: it's not something.
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  Speaker 2: I want to hear in that moment. And then, leader,
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  Speaker 2: you can do this.
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  Speaker 3: I'm counting on you to do this type of thing
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  Speaker 3: rather than a hey, let's let's take this apart and
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  Speaker 3: figure out what's.
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  Speaker 1: Going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I totally get into
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  Speaker 1: that because all of a sudden, I'm the guy, and
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: maybe it's because I'm a radio guy. I would look
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  Speaker 1: at them and saying, how much am I getting off
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  Speaker 1: from my bill today? Because if I'm helping you, you
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  Speaker 1: need to pay me something here too. Dude.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point.
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  Speaker 3: But that when that happens, and it's happened a lot
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  Speaker 3: with different therapists that I've gone to, When it reaches
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  Speaker 3: that point, that's when I realize that the relationship has
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  Speaker 3: shifted and it's no longer a therapy relationship. It's almost
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  Speaker 3: like a friend relationship.
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  Speaker 2: At that point, you.
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  Speaker 1: Do something here that I'm very proud of, and I
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  Speaker 1: mean I'm serious about this, and it really is something
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  Speaker 1: that I talk about in front of people. And you
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  Speaker 1: dedicate this book to everybody who carries pain in silence.
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  Speaker 1: Do you know how many people you're going to reach
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  Speaker 1: just by putting those words on a page. You're speaking
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  Speaker 1: to many people who don't want to say they're in pain,
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  Speaker 1: but they are. They are.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree with you, and thank you.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, I think so many people feel like that
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  Speaker 3: if they admit that they're in pain. The people around
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  Speaker 3: them will try to talk them out of it. And
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  Speaker 3: I have on life today. You know, I say what
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  Speaker 3: I'm fearing, and I'll have people in my life say, well,
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  Speaker 3: you shouldn't think that way or that way, or don't
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  Speaker 3: put that out there to the universe.
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  Speaker 2: It'll come back to you.
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  Speaker 3: But all of the all of the research and all
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  Speaker 3: of the data that's out there today, I'm not saying
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  Speaker 3: it's always been that way, but that's out there today
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  Speaker 3: really shows that if you.
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  Speaker 2: Don't release.
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  Speaker 3: Trauma from your body, if you don't release the pain
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  Speaker 3: from your body, that it stays in your body and
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  Speaker 3: it shows.
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  Speaker 2: Up in other ways.
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  Speaker 3: And in my case, it's shown up as multiple heart attacks, illness, infections.
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  Speaker 3: There's an excellent book that i've actually that really got.
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  Speaker 2: Me on this path that that is called The Body
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  Speaker 2: Keeps the Score and it's put out by Vessel vander Kalk.
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  Speaker 3: And when I read that book, it really helped me
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  Speaker 3: to wake up to realize that my body was holding
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  Speaker 3: on so much of everything that happened to.
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  Speaker 2: Me until I was willing to release it.
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  Speaker 3: And that's why, and that's why just speaking about it,
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  Speaker 3: you've got to find ways to release it. Physically release it.
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  Speaker 3: I found unhealthy ways to release it. I was younger,
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  Speaker 3: so ixsessively worked out at the gym I spent.
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  Speaker 2: I had an eating disorder. I was I was very you.
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  Speaker 3: Know, controlling of my life and the people in my
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: life in order to ensure that everything was stable so
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: that I could could not have anxiety around it.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I had to learn to let go of
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  Speaker 2: all of that. But the only way that I.
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  Speaker 3: Was able to let go of it was to start
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: talking about it. Until many people why I was who
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: I was?
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  Speaker 1: Are you a daily writer? I've been doing it for
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  Speaker 1: thirty four years, all of these journals, and a lot
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  Speaker 1: of people say I don't want those journals when you transition.
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  Speaker 1: I go, you know, they're not for you, So I
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: don't care if you don't want them. There for somebody else, well,
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  Speaker 1: beyond our generations. What about you as a writer? Did
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: you put it down on paper?
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  Speaker 2: I don't write every single day, Okay, not a habit
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  Speaker 2: that I have. It's something that I write when I'm
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  Speaker 2: moved to write, yes, sir.
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  Speaker 3: But when I was writing this book, I was writing
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  Speaker 3: day and night because I just had to get it out.
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  Speaker 1: Of course, you did you were being called to that man,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: you were being called This isn't about Ed. This is
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  Speaker 1: who ED is going to reach. That's who it's about exactly.
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  Speaker 2: So once I started, I wasn't able to.
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  Speaker 3: Really stop at the almost an obsession, yep, to get
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  Speaker 3: it all out to, you know, to get to explore it.
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  Speaker 2: And that's one of the reasons why.
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  Speaker 3: You know, Tom Rathi's the New York Times bestseller who
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: wrote Strengths Finder and Helpful.
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  Speaker 2: As Your Bucket.
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  Speaker 3: He wrote the introduction and talked about research behind this.
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  Speaker 3: But that's one of the reasons why I asked my
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  Speaker 3: wife Chris to write the forward for the book, because
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  Speaker 3: I thought, you know, I'm going to share my perspective,
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  Speaker 3: but the world should probably know the perspective of a
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  Speaker 3: person who.
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  Speaker 2: Lives with somebody who lives in silence and how.
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  Speaker 3: It manifests, and how she had to show up every
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: single day in order to be stay present and not
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  Speaker 3: run away from it.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, and where can people go to find out more
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  Speaker 1: about you? You are speaking something here that really is
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  Speaker 1: our everyday mask, and you're going to help us look
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  Speaker 1: at that mask and identify the eyes behind it inside
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  Speaker 1: the mirror.
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  Speaker 3: I have a website Eggcohen dot Org that people can
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: go to, and of course, Vulnerable One Man's Journey from
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Abuse Abundance is available on all of the major book websites,
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: including Amazon.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Are you going on a speaking tour at all? Have
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: you been invited to step into any stages or anything
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: like that?
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: Interesting that you say that.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: I actually am recovering from a long term ill list
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: right now. I just urgery six weeks ago, and I've
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: got quite a path ahead of me, and you know,
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: a couple more months ahead of me, and then after
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: that then I'll consider something like that. So right now
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I'm primarily just sticking to virtual and social media.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love where you are. Dude. You
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: got to come back to this show anytime in the future.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: What you share inside Vulnerable is not a once a
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: lifetime thing. This thing is every day and people need
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: to understand that looking for the real you inside of
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: you is an everyday thing. And if you skip a day,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: that's okay, that's okay. But this book really is a
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: door opener.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is okay to take a vacation from yourself.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Oh God, can you imagine that? Will you be brilliant today? Okay,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: mister d all right, thanks, have a good day.