Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / I came home and my wife was gone...it left me broken

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I came home and my wife was gone...it left me broken · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So I came home one day and my wife was gone.
• 0:03
  Yeah, she had moved all her stuff completely out and I guess
• 0:07
  got rid of a lot of things. And I was home alone with my dog
• 0:11
  in a text message that said, hey, this isn't working.
• 0:14
  And I think it's best if we go out separate ways.
• 0:17
  That's thung out. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:19
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:21
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Coat.
• 0:40
  So yeah, boom, today we are talking about, well, my wife
• 0:44
  left. A lot of times people see my
• 0:46
  story about having narcissistic personality disorder and going
• 0:49
  to therapy and things like that. They see my story and they
• 0:51
  wonder how I got to this point. They're like, Lee, how in the
• 0:53
  hell did you get to the point where you are right now?
• 0:55
  I was like, you know what, it's time for story time.
• 0:58
  And see, people tend to like how I tell these stories, right?
• 1:00
  So me and my wife have been together since the end of 2011,
• 1:05
  right? We moved in together in 2012 and
• 1:08
  love bombing all the other good stuff, right?
• 1:11
  It got to the point where I think what 2017, she ended up
• 1:14
  leaving short for a short period of time.
• 1:16
  Then I went to therapy, then she came back or whatever.
• 1:19
  And then at the beginning of 2020, right when the pandemic
• 1:22
  had started, things were going back downhill.
• 1:25
  I had at this point in time, I had already been in therapy for
• 1:28
  like what, 2 1/2 years, since like 2017.
• 1:31
  So it's about 2 1/2 years I had been in therapy, right?
• 1:34
  And when I missed therapy appointments, when I missed
• 1:37
  back-to-back to back therapy appointments, I had missed from
• 1:39
  like November to like April, right?
• 1:42
  And when I'm not in therapy, I don't have that mental check in,
• 1:46
  I don't have that release. And I, things tend to go
• 1:49
  downhill from that point. You know what I mean?
• 1:50
  Things started, I started reverting back to my old toxic
• 1:53
  waste, my, my silent treatment, my ignoring my just putting her
• 1:57
  down for no reason. All this stuff started happening
• 2:00
  again and again and again on a more consistent basis because I
• 2:03
  was no longer in therapy, right? So I'm getting ready to leave
• 2:10
  one day. I have an older son, my older
• 2:11
  son from a previous relationship.
• 2:13
  He is 17 years old now. And I was taking him home.
• 2:15
  I was taking him back to his mom's house.
• 2:16
  And my wife was in the kitchen. She was like washing dishes or
• 2:20
  cooking or something like that, right?
• 2:21
  And I seen her in the kitchen. I looked at her and I was like,
• 2:25
  you know what? She needs a hug right now.
• 2:26
  Part of my mind says she needs a hug right now.
• 2:29
  And I was just like, I should give her a hug right now.
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  Just go behind her, give her a hug, let her know I love her.
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  But then a narcissistic part of my mind is like, she doesn't
• 2:37
  need a hug, she's fine. Take your son home, clear your
• 2:40
  mind. Hello.
• 2:41
  OK so I got in the car left right.
• 2:45
  I got in the car and I drive my son.
• 2:47
  His mom lives about 40 minutes away.
• 2:49
  And so I'm driving in Greensboro, NC.
• 2:53
  So y'all know North Carolina. I'm driving from Hillsboro,
• 2:55
  Raleigh dorm to Greensboro. It's about 40 minutes, right on
• 2:59
  the way back, I'm about 5 minutes from the house.
• 3:03
  I get a message that said, I won't be here when you get home.
• 3:06
  I'm like, what the hell. Oh, she's going to the store.
• 3:07
  And I kept reading. It's like this hasn't been
• 3:10
  working for me with neither one of us.
• 3:12
  Neither one of us are happy and this isn't going, I'm going to
• 3:15
  move. I'm going live somewhere else
• 3:16
  for a while. And then we can split time with
• 3:18
  our son because we at this point in time, we had like a
• 3:20
  three-year old, right? He started 3 1/2.
• 3:22
  We can split time with our son And just this is the I think
• 3:25
  this is best for both of us. Don't come to don't come to my
• 3:27
  job. I just need some time alone.
• 3:30
  I'm panicking. Y'all like what the hell, let me
• 3:31
  hear me get home. I get home, open the door, stuff
• 3:35
  is gone. I'm like what the hell.
• 3:37
  How do I how do I, how did I not notice that she was moving out?
• 3:42
  Because over the course of a few weeks, I guess she had started
• 3:44
  donating more stuff, started throwing things away, downsizing
• 3:47
  because I I used to always complain how she had too much
• 3:49
  stuff, right? We have little closets.
• 3:50
  You got too much stuff. Stuff is always in the clothes.
• 3:53
  You you're packing stuff in. Like what the hell are you
• 3:55
  doing? Like we like this is this is too
• 3:57
  much You, you have too many things.
• 3:59
  Get rid of some of this stuff, right?
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  And she's getting rid of like she's getting and she's getting
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  rid of. I'm like, OK, she's fine
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  listening literally that I know she was downsizing to move out.
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  So I come home, I'm looking through the house.
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  It's empty. Like there's some furniture
• 4:15
  stuff gone. There is a lot of different
• 4:17
  things missing pictures off the wall.
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  I'm like what the hell the house is?
• 4:20
  Y'all know you when you go. This is like you moving into a
• 4:23
  an apartment or rental house or you bought a house right and
• 4:26
  it's completely empty. You know how the walls echo?
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  That's how my house was echoing Only thing left there was my my
• 4:32
  dog Lala, right 'cause I I love my dog right in Lala.
• 4:36
  We have hardwood floors. So every time Lala walks, you
• 4:39
  hear Solomon house going crazy. All I hear is I'm like,
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  literally I've been sitting on the couch and it was a tough
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  time, man. I, I knew where she had went,
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  right? She had, she has a bunch of
• 4:57
  friends, but the friend that lives closest to her that would,
• 4:59
  that would be able to help her move would be her friend that
• 5:02
  lives about 20 minutes away. So I was just like, and who was
• 5:04
  also my friend first. Like I was like, I'm sitting
• 5:09
  there frustrated. I'm sitting in the I'm like, I
• 5:12
  need in order to get her back, I need to do everything that she
• 5:16
  wanted me to do, everything that she's been asking me to do.
• 5:18
  I'm going to start doing it right now.
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  Just like a narcissist, right? Like she's been asking her to
• 5:23
  get asking to get a new bed. I'm complaining, complaining
• 5:25
  about bad prices. So you know, I did, I packed the
• 5:29
  little bed up. You know how the little, you
• 5:31
  know how you get these, you know, you get a king mattress, a
• 5:36
  king. It comes with two separate box
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  springs. So I put both little box springs
• 5:41
  in the back of a Prius. Somehow I'm back in my Prius and
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  I drove them to like a dump, threw them out, threw them out
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  into the dump. I was like, OK, through the
• 5:48
  through the big mattress way too.
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  I'm like, OK, perfect bed is gone.
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  I'm telling her I'm like, look, I threw the bed out.
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  We can get a new bed now. Like you always want.
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  You get a new, get a new bed now didn't work, so I got to I'm
• 5:58
  sleeping on an air mattress in my room now because I have no
• 6:00
  bed now. Do the look through the little
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  desk out. I'm moving stuff around.
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  I'm raking leaves. I'm doing everything outside,
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  everything that she asked me to do.
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  Just like a narcissist, right? That's how you know, narcissist
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  can be very manipulative and they know what take what it
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  takes to make you happy because when you try to leave him or you
• 6:16
  threaten to leave, they always know exactly what to do to keep
• 6:19
  you, right? That's what I was doing.
• 6:23
  A lot of people ask me like Lee, how the hell you have so much
• 6:26
  experience with narcissists, know what they're going to do.
• 6:28
  I've done a lot of this stuff. Not the crazy ass stuff like the
• 6:31
  beating on. I ain't done no craziness like
• 6:32
  that, right? But I've done something mostly
• 6:35
  abusive things, right? I'm just, I've been, I've done
• 6:37
  that, right? And that's like, it'd be hard to
• 6:43
  reconcile with it sometimes. You know, I think waking up and
• 6:44
  doing therapy has helped me out a lot, but it'd be very tough to
• 6:48
  reconcile with a lot of these different things that I've done.
• 6:50
  But, you know, thank God for therapy, Thank God for God,
• 6:53
  right? Thank God for himself, right?
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  But I'm sitting in the house lost because I'm telling her,
• 7:00
  hey, look, we can get a new bed, new TV, whatever you want to do.
• 7:04
  We can paint. I know you've been wanting to
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  paint. I can go buy some paint.
• 7:06
  Just let me know what color you want.
• 7:08
  And none of that was working. I'm like, none of my moves are
• 7:11
  working anymore. She had woken up to it.
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  She knew what was going on. She knew I'd been diagnosed with
• 7:14
  MPD's, You know, the nurses, right?
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  I was like, none of this stuff is working.
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  So I called her friend one day and I was just like, look,
• 7:22
  what's the percentage chance of me being able to get her back?
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  And she was like 1%. I was like, oh, I thought you're
• 7:28
  gonna say 0. So 1%.
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  You know, I'm, I'm from the Dumber, Dumber generation where
• 7:31
  I'm like, so you're telling me there's a chance?
• 7:34
  I'm like, yes. So I'm like, OK, I got a chance.
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  But I knew I, I knew I needed to revamp the way I approach
• 7:40
  things, right? So I hadn't remember, I told you
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  at the beginning I had missed a few therapy appointments.
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  So first thing I did get back in therapy or like I'm not going to
• 7:48
  tell her this, though. I Remember Remember when she
• 7:51
  left sitting in the bathroom floor, right?
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  I sat in the bathroom floor and there's a mirror on my wall in
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  the bathroom and start crying. I'm looking at myself crying in
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  the mirror just like, what the hell is wrong with you?
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  Just beating myself up. I'm like, you know what?
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  This is it, This is it. Like you, this is a turning
• 8:07
  point in your life right now. So I'm turning myself in the
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  mirror. I was like, I can go either go
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  one or two ways. I can fight hard as hell to get
• 8:13
  my wife back, or I can just get on Tinder and just go crazy.
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  The, the narcissistic part of me, like Tinder, it is right.
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  I'm like Tinder, Bumble, all that type of stuff, right?
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  I can go in there. I can go crazy on the map.
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  So like, that's not what I need right now.
• 8:27
  I need to be I need to be alone, so I got off a bunch of social
• 8:30
  media right. This is before mental illness
• 8:31
  existed. Y'all, this is like so I was
• 8:33
  already on TikTok, but I was doing comedy stuff.
• 8:36
  You can find my comedy stuff go to TikTok.
• 8:38
  It's called I am Lee hammock. You see my comedy stuff and back
• 8:40
  in the day. So I'm doing that type of stuff
• 8:44
  right. I'm like I'm gonna delete all my
• 8:45
  Facebook except for my real estate page.
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  I'm getting off of Instagram. I did everything I just like
• 8:50
  except for TikTok. I'm building that for just for
• 8:53
  comedy and sketches and skits. So I'm like, OK, I need to do
• 8:55
  this, this day. So man, I'm doing all this
• 8:58
  stuff, right? I'm climbing this mountain.
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  I'm doing, I'm like, I need to still work on myself.
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  So I'll schedule therapy appointment.
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  And I told my therapist I haven't I haven't seen my
• 9:07
  therapist in like 4-5, six months, right?
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  And she was just like, oh, what this is doing COVID.
• 9:12
  So this is a virtual session. So she was like, so what's new
• 9:15
  with you? I like well, my wife left and
• 9:21
  she's like, mom, y'all know what she said?
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  Y'all know what she said? She said.
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  What did you do? What did I do?
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  What do you mean? What?
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  What? What did I do?
• 9:35
  I didn't do. Nothing.
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  No, I was just like, what I do? I was like, huh?
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  She's like, no, I know you did something because you haven't
• 9:40
  said I've been. She's like, we've been, I've
• 9:42
  been, we've been, you've been seeing me for over over 2 1/2
• 9:45
  years. Like when you don't check in,
• 9:46
  when you don't come here, I know you're going to revert back to
• 9:49
  your old behaviors. You've done something.
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  What did you do? I was like, I was just being
• 9:53
  honest with her. I was just like, I've just
• 9:54
  became neglectful. I started hearing about this
• 9:57
  COVID stuff. I'm like, well, life, the world
• 9:58
  is about to end anyway. So I started falling into a
• 10:00
  depression. When I got into a depression, I
• 10:02
  never came out of it. I started neglecting her.
• 10:03
  I started mistreating her. I started just like yelling and
• 10:05
  screaming for no reason. I started making her walk on egg
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  shells. I'm like, I've been a horrible
• 10:09
  husband. I've been probably even worse
• 10:11
  father. I'm I've been horrible and I'm
• 10:13
  tired of it. I'm sick of it.
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  And I was just like, I need to make these changes to not even
• 10:20
  get her back, but to be better. I want to be a better human
• 10:24
  being. I want to commit to doing being
• 10:25
  a better human being again. Y'all had already been in
• 10:27
  therapy for 2 1/2 years at this point, right?
• 10:30
  I already been in therapy 2 1/2 years.
• 10:31
  But I, I'll be honest with y'all, I don't think I was
• 10:33
  taking it as seriously as I needed to at this point right
• 10:36
  here. I'm like, I'm going to take it
• 10:37
  seriously. I'm going to take it seriously.
• 10:40
  I was like, but before I got a therapist session, y'all, I
• 10:42
  asked her, I asked my therapist. They're like, so how do I get my
• 10:46
  wife back? And she was just like she
• 10:48
  straight up said, you can't I like, wait, what?
• 10:51
  I can't, I can't. She's like she said, let me let
• 10:55
  me rephrase that. She's like, you can get her
• 10:58
  back, right? You can get her back.
• 11:01
  But because you're a good talker, y'all have a kid
• 11:03
  together, y'all have to see each other.
• 11:04
  So she's going to miss you. She's not going to fall out of
• 11:06
  love with you that quickly. So did you have to be in this be
• 11:11
  be willing to go this way about it, right?
• 11:13
  You have to be willing to go to go about it and do this type of
• 11:15
  stuff. I'm like, OK, you got to work on
• 11:18
  yourself. You got to let her go.
• 11:19
  If she's going to come back, she's going to come back.
• 11:20
  If she's not, she's not. I'm like, OK, So what I was
• 11:24
  doing, I'm to tell how manipulative I was when she
• 11:26
  would drop my son off. I would have my ring around my
• 11:28
  neck on a necklace. It wasn't this necklace, but I
• 11:31
  saw she could see it. She's just like, she's going to
• 11:32
  see my necklace right here and she's going to know I'm still
• 11:35
  committed to her because she's my ring right here, right?
• 11:37
  And I was just like, she go, she came to drop my son after that
• 11:39
  therapy session. She came to drop my son off and
• 11:41
  I was just like, Nope, we're not doing that.
• 11:45
  Tucked it in, talk to her for a little bit and we'll send her on
• 11:47
  her way. We use normally we, she would
• 11:50
  drop my son off. I'll be texting her just to stay
• 11:52
  in contact with her, 'cause in my, in my mind, I was like, I
• 11:54
  don't stay in contact with her. She's going to go sleep with
• 11:56
  somebody else. She's going to go be with
• 11:57
  somebody else. He's going to break my heart
• 11:58
  even more. So I told myself I was like, no,
• 12:00
  we're not going to text her. She's gone.
• 12:02
  She's free. You're free.
• 12:03
  You can make your own decision. She can make your own decision.
• 12:06
  Which sucked, which was tough, right?
• 12:08
  But I was like, I'm going to do it like this.
• 12:10
  This is how I'm going to do it. This is how I'm going to go
• 12:11
  about doing this type of situation.
• 12:13
  Something like, OK, damn, so I get to that point and a couple
• 12:17
  months ago by doing the schedule, whatever, I'm staying
• 12:20
  busy. I started reading the Bible.
• 12:21
  Y'all, I I started reading the Bible.
• 12:23
  I was so lost to a night. It was so dark and so cold and
• 12:26
  so lonely in there. Me and me and Lala.
• 12:28
  I was in there chilling and I literally just like I don't know
• 12:31
  what else to do. So I literally started reading
• 12:33
  the Bible on my Bible app. I have it on audible right?
• 12:36
  I listen to the Bible every single day from I forgot from
• 12:39
  like May to whenever, you know, later on in the year, it took me
• 12:43
  like 6 months to read. I was like, man, this is crazy.
• 12:45
  I read the Bible. I enjoyed every bit of it,
• 12:47
  right? So I get to that point right
• 12:50
  there. I'm still struck like, so I
• 12:52
  eventually I write her a letter where she's living, right?
• 12:55
  I gave her some months. I've been in therapy, had about
• 12:58
  a couple, have a few therapy sessions and I asked my
• 13:00
  therapist like, is it OK if I write her a letter right now?
• 13:02
  You think it's cool? It's cool.
• 13:03
  She's like, yeah, she's like you've been good for the last
• 13:05
  few months. You haven't bothered her.
• 13:06
  You haven't said anything crazy. You respected her boundaries.
• 13:10
  Give it a try. So I wrote her a letter and
• 13:13
  asked to go to marriage counseling.
• 13:14
  She agreed. We went to marriage counseling,
• 13:16
  right? And the marriage counselor asked
• 13:19
  us, you're like, what are your goals?
• 13:22
  And her goal was to learn how to live a part like she wasn't
• 13:25
  planning on getting back together.
• 13:26
  I'm like, what the hell? You agree to come to marriage
• 13:28
  counseling with before. If you don't want to get back
• 13:29
  together, what are we doing here?
• 13:31
  Right? That's what my mom was like,
• 13:32
  what are we even doing here if you don't want to get back
• 13:35
  together? And the marriage counselor said
• 13:37
  it's not always marriage counseling to stay together.
• 13:39
  Sometimes it's separation counseling and teach you how to
• 13:41
  live apart. But again, y'all because my my
• 13:45
  own therapist who was not my marriage counseling, my own
• 13:48
  therapist said you can't do this just to get her back.
• 13:51
  You can't try to change her mind.
• 13:52
  You just have to be the best version of yourself.
• 13:54
  You have to become the best version of yourself.
• 13:56
  So doing these marriage counseling sessions when she was
• 13:58
  literally telling the truth about what had happened in her
• 14:01
  experiences under the like, this is this is over zoomed, right?
• 14:06
  I want her to come do it in person like so we can sit beside
• 14:08
  each other, do it over Zoom so I can talk to her.
• 14:10
  But she's born to stay where she was at.
• 14:11
  I know why that's cool, right? Had to respect it.
• 14:16
  So we get to that point where, you know, marriage counseling,
• 14:19
  they especially on Zoom, they just mute you and let the other
• 14:21
  person talk. She's literally hurting my
• 14:24
  feelings. She's crushing me with stuff
• 14:26
  that I had actually done. It's stuff that I did right
• 14:29
  under the camera. I'm writing notes about This is
• 14:32
  why I did it under the camera. I'm writing down notes about why
• 14:35
  I did this stuff right, about why this stuff went down, about
• 14:38
  why this stuff was happening so I can have a rebuttal.
• 14:41
  But then when it came to my turn to talk, I have my notes.
• 14:44
  I balled it up and I'll just say, you know what they're like.
• 14:48
  Lee, what do you think about that?
• 14:49
  I was like, she's right. I like she is absolutely 100%
• 14:53
  right. Nothing I like.
• 14:55
  There's no, no valid reason why I did that type of stuff to her.
• 14:59
  There's no, there's no excuses. She's completely right at her
• 15:03
  feelings. She's entitled to feel exactly
• 15:04
  the way she felt based on my behaviors.
• 15:07
  The only thing that I can do right now in this session and
• 15:09
  then for the rest of my life is try my hardest so that type of
• 15:13
  stuff never happens again. You don't have to live that way
• 15:15
  anymore. Whether we together or not.
• 15:17
  I want you to feel comfortable around me, you know, And I think
• 15:20
  that actually shocked her because she, I think she was
• 15:23
  expecting me to attack her. I was, but I was just like, I
• 15:27
  think that shocked her because that next marriage concert
• 15:28
  session, she had changed her mind.
• 15:30
  She was like, oh, we can have, we can sit down and have a
• 15:32
  conversation. But the therapist said, hey,
• 15:34
  look, if y'all want to try to work this out, you have to get
• 15:36
  everything out on the table. So we literally had to schedule
• 15:39
  time for her to come over. Somebody watched my son, my
• 15:41
  friend to watch our son, and we sat in the backyard for like 3-4
• 15:45
  hours with a list of things that have happened in the past that
• 15:49
  was still bothering us that we had to work our way through,
• 15:52
  that we had to talk about. We literally had to talk about
• 15:54
  all of this stuff in order to make it work, in order to get
• 15:57
  through it right. This because you know, one of
• 15:59
  the main problems in narcissistic relationships is
• 16:01
  right, that is unfinished conversations, things that have
• 16:06
  happened that you don't talk about anymore that still bother
• 16:10
  each other, you still bothers you.
• 16:11
  Get it all out on the table now because that way it won't come
• 16:14
  up again if it's resolved. It doesn't come up again unless
• 16:18
  it's used in a manipulative way. You see what I'm saying?
• 16:21
  So we had, so we had so many conversations, man, we had so
• 16:23
  many good conversations out there.
• 16:25
  And then she you know, we had planned on her moving back in
• 16:28
  like June or something like that, but she she was like, what
• 16:31
  do you, she just sent me a message one night, y'all, And
• 16:33
  she's like, what do you think about?
• 16:34
  What do you think about me moving back in at night?
• 16:39
  I loved it, right? So she came back with my son and
• 16:43
  it was a good time, man, because like it really was right.
• 16:45
  Seriously, because like what are the hardest times doing?
• 16:47
  I skipped this part, right? One of the hardest times that I
• 16:50
  had when she was left was to tell my oldest son who was her,
• 16:55
  her stepson, like that she was gone, that she moved out, that I
• 16:58
  had failed him as a dad because I treated his stepmom horribly,
• 17:02
  and that she had moved out and I cried in front of him, right?
• 17:06
  That's one of my weakest moments.
• 17:07
  I cried in the mirror, cried in front of my son.
• 17:09
  I was like, I'm gonna be better, man.
• 17:10
  I'm gonna be better. So I've worked from that moment
• 17:12
  in time to be better. And I told my son I was like,
• 17:15
  she came back. And he was like, he was so
• 17:17
  happy. You know, she came back, we were
• 17:19
  happy. And if you look at look, I, I
• 17:22
  want TMI, but if you look at the time of the when she moved back
• 17:25
  in, she tricked me right here. She trapped me like within a
• 17:29
  couple days of her dream. This is buddy.
• 17:32
  She's gonna like, she's gonna tell you her.
• 17:34
  She if y'all have talked to her, she'll tell you a different
• 17:36
  version of this. But it's my version of the
• 17:38
  truth. I promise y'all.
• 17:39
  She moved back in. I already had two kids at this
• 17:42
  point. I'm like, I'm good with kids.
• 17:45
  She wanted another one, so she tricked me and we got a vet.
• 17:48
  She get she told me she was she's like, I'm not ovulating.
• 17:51
  Guess what? Couple days when she moved back
• 17:53
  in, she was pregnant. So my daughter did y'all see
• 17:56
  running around some my videos, my my little girl.
• 17:59
  Literally you track her, you track her date of conception.
• 18:02
  It's like within a day or two of her moving back in.
• 18:04
  And that is not my fault. I promise you.
• 18:05
  I got look, I got a vasectomy right now.
• 18:07
  I'm not. It's not happening again.
• 18:08
  She's not going to give me again unless we talk about it, right.
• 18:11
  Literally when he got a vasectomy, you know, you
• 18:13
  treated. No.
• 18:14
  Yeah, I promise you. You talk to her.
• 18:16
  I'll get around here. Talk to her.
• 18:17
  I'll if y'all want me to, if y'all want me to get around
• 18:20
  here, I'll get over here. Ask her that question right here
• 18:22
  like what happened and she'll tell you.
• 18:25
  She'll tell you the truth. You trap me.
• 18:28
  I know. Because if I tell people that
• 18:29
  story, they're like, Lee, you Hoover, they're back in, and
• 18:31
  then you gather, gather, pray with another baby I like.
• 18:33
  I know It looks like that, doesn't it?
• 18:35
  But if y'all hear the story from behind the scenes, you were like
• 18:37
  Lee, OK, we got you. We understand, Lee.
• 18:43
  But yeah, man, that was, yeah, that was, that's my story about
• 18:45
  how, you know, how I came home and she was gone and how they
• 18:48
  altered my perspective on things and how whether or not she came
• 18:51
  back, I was still going to work on myself.
• 18:55
  Whether or not she came back as people, I know some people see
• 18:57
  this video and decide to give your your ex another chance.
• 19:00
  Don't do that based on this video.
• 19:02
  Because whether or not she came back, I was still going to work
• 19:04
  on myself. She can come in here and leave
• 19:06
  right now. Break on me right now.
• 19:08
  I would say, look, I would still go to therapy next week.
• 19:11
  I 100% would 'cause my therapy sessions help me be a better
• 19:15
  parent, help me be a better human being for my entire family
• 19:19
  is not just about me, you know what I'm saying?
• 19:22
  It's about my entire family. But I had I, I have to be
• 19:25
  selfish with my healing in order to be selfless later on, you
• 19:29
  know what I'm saying? My therapy journey is not about
• 19:31
  her. It was not to just get her back.
• 19:33
  I promise you. I told myself I if it was just
• 19:35
  to get her back, I could have stayed on Tinder and did all the
• 19:38
  other sneaky stuff behind the scenes that I didn't do right.
• 19:42
  So anyway, that's my story. If you like these story times
• 19:44
  for my real life, I can do more of these.
• 19:46
  I'm just trying to get more people to click on the videos.
• 19:48
  People don't click on the videos anymore.
• 19:49
  Y'all tired hear about narcissism, you hear real life
• 19:51
  stuff. What do you want to hear on this
• 19:52
  channel? Cause again, I, I'm moving the
• 19:54
  podcast, my long podcast to its own channel, the mental hill.
• 19:56
  This podcast. You want the podcast interviews,
• 19:59
  please search, go to the bottom of my page, go to my channel,
• 20:02
  scroll to the bottom, you'll see Mental Illness Podcast.
• 20:04
  Click on that, subscribe to it and whatnot.
• 20:06
  You want to see the long interviews from other survivors,
• 20:09
  thrivers, psychiatrists, therapists, life coaches,
• 20:11
  whatever. I'm interviewing everybody.
• 20:13
  You want to be on the channel. You want to be on the podcast.
• 20:15
  Link is in the description anyways.
• 20:18
  Hit the subscribe. No, no, if you watch it, if you
• 20:19
  listen to this on Spotify or Apple, this is still going to be
• 20:22
  on there. I'm still posting these on
• 20:23
  Spotify and Apple and the podcast is still gonna be there
• 20:25
  too. Y'all subscribe on Spotify.
• 20:28
  You already spittle, there's spittle.
• 20:29
  Subscribe onto Spotify if you haven't already.
• 20:33
  Hit the subscribe button over here and I'm out.