Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / #HURDLEMOMENT: Goal Setting 101 With Dr. Cheyenne Bryant

Transcript

#HURDLEMOMENT: Goal Setting 101 With Dr. Cheyenne Bryant · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: We don't go find our purpose. Find yourself and there's
0:03
Speaker 1: your purpose. So if you're in that great era saying
0:05
Speaker 1: I don't know what I want to do, that's because
0:07
Speaker 1: you have not yet to find you.
0:23
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily Abadi here, you are listening to another
0:27
Speaker 2: installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle.
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Speaker 3: A wellness focused podcast.
0:31
Speaker 2: Reconnect with everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts
0:34
Speaker 2: and industry CEOs about their highest hies, toughest moments, and
0:38
Speaker 2: everything in between. We all go through hurdles in life,
0:42
Speaker 2: and my goal through these discussions is to empower you
0:45
Speaker 2: to better navigate yours and move with intentions so that
0:48
Speaker 2: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
0:51
Speaker 2: course have some fun along the way. Today I am
0:56
Speaker 2: sitting down with doctor Cheyenne Brian. She has a psychology expert,
1:01
Speaker 2: a renowned life coach, and we are talking all about
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Speaker 2: how to go after your big goals. This episode is
1:09
Speaker 2: repurposed from last year, but I would argue perfectly timed
1:13
Speaker 2: with the new year on deck. We discuss how to
1:16
Speaker 2: set smart goals and the important step you need to
1:20
Speaker 2: take before you even put pen to paper on concepting
1:24
Speaker 2: those goals, plus the nitty gritty about the steps on
1:28
Speaker 2: the way. How can you actually succeed at going after
1:33
Speaker 2: the things that you want? How should you be breaking
1:35
Speaker 2: it down to make your goals a reality. I really
1:39
Speaker 2: appreciate so much of her wisdom and perspective on this.
1:42
Speaker 2: I could listen to doctor Brian talk forever and I
1:46
Speaker 2: love her philosophy about the importance of celebrating yourself along
1:50
Speaker 2: the way to going after what you want.
1:53
Speaker 3: And I also really loved her.
1:55
Speaker 2: Thoughts on surrounding yourself with people that support you in
1:58
Speaker 2: whatever it is that after I know it's so so
2:02
Speaker 2: important to make sure you fill up your own cup
2:04
Speaker 2: before giving to others, and that the others that you
2:07
Speaker 2: are giving to really appreciate your efforts.
2:11
Speaker 3: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle.
2:13
Speaker 2: Over at Hurdle Podcasts, I'm over at Emily Bodie.
2:16
Speaker 3: Last call out.
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Speaker 2: If you feel motivated by today's episode, check out the
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Speaker 2: goal setting workshop that we have on deck for January fourth.
2:23
Speaker 2: Blink is in the show notes. With that, let's get
2:27
Speaker 2: to it. Let's get to hurdling.
2:33
Speaker 3: Today.
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Speaker 2: I am sitting down with doctor Cheyenne Bryant. She's a
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Speaker 2: doctor of psychology and a life coach.
2:39
Speaker 1: How you do today, I'm doing amazing. Thank you for
2:43
Speaker 1: having me on. I'm excited to be here and I'm
2:46
Speaker 1: ready to give a give out some tips and some
2:48
Speaker 1: tools on how folks cannot just you know, accomplish, but
2:52
Speaker 1: set goals and for some people, believe it or not,
2:55
Speaker 1: I have a lot of clients that come to session
2:58
Speaker 1: and they say, I don't know what I want to do.
3:00
Speaker 1: I don't know who I am right. So it's more
3:02
Speaker 1: than just like, like, you got goals, set it, let's
3:06
Speaker 1: go get it. It's also processing what goals do you want? Right?
3:10
Speaker 1: It's okay to not know what you want. It's okay
3:13
Speaker 1: to not have any goals because you're in that great
3:15
Speaker 1: area space of like, I'm just figuring out right now,
3:18
Speaker 1: and so my goal is to figure out what my
3:22
Speaker 1: goals are. And I think people, especially women, need to
3:26
Speaker 1: know that that is also a safe space, and that
3:28
Speaker 1: is also a space that's perfectly okay to be in
3:32
Speaker 1: because you're in that blank plateauo space where it's needed
3:36
Speaker 1: for you to empty out right and then say I
3:39
Speaker 1: emptied out everything I thought I wanted, all the ideologies
3:42
Speaker 1: that I thought life would be as we all think
3:44
Speaker 1: life's going to be this way and we're going, holy moly,
3:47
Speaker 1: that's not how it turned out. And then just have
3:51
Speaker 1: someone that helps you pick your own brain, process your
3:56
Speaker 1: heart space, and put it all out and say I
3:59
Speaker 1: want this, I don't want this, and now let's create.
4:02
Speaker 2: Wow, you're jumping right into it. I love this about you.
4:05
Speaker 2: We're still getting to know each other. I before we
4:09
Speaker 2: really dive straight into the tips and tricks that we're
4:12
Speaker 2: going to offer the hurdlers today, give us a little
4:14
Speaker 2: bit of intel on your background and how you got
4:18
Speaker 2: into this line of work. When you were a little girl,
4:20
Speaker 2: did you think, hmm, I want to be a psychologist?
4:24
Speaker 1: You know, Okay, hurdlers And I love that. You know,
4:27
Speaker 1: I always, since a little girl, have been big on
4:32
Speaker 1: making good decisions. And it's something that my best friend
4:36
Speaker 1: brought to me. Brought to my attention again actually a
4:38
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago. I am dating, and so I
4:44
Speaker 1: get to cutting off people when I'm dating, and she goes,
4:47
Speaker 1: you know what it is. She goes, you are big
4:50
Speaker 1: on good decision making, and she goes, You've always been
4:54
Speaker 1: like that since we've been kids, because we've been best
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Speaker 1: friend since we were like, you know, fourteen, and I'm like,
4:59
Speaker 1: you know what, Yeah, you're right. And so just as
5:00
Speaker 1: a kid, I've always been big on good decision making right,
5:04
Speaker 1: and good decision making doesn't mean that you're always coming
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Speaker 1: out the winner. It doesn't mean that you're always coming
5:10
Speaker 1: out better than someone else. It just means that you
5:13
Speaker 1: get the best experience possible and that you are able
5:18
Speaker 1: to either leverage that experience from your decision, leverage to
5:23
Speaker 1: go in the direction you want to go in right
5:26
Speaker 1: talking about goals, or you are able to obtain the
5:30
Speaker 1: intent of that decision. And so again, my definition of
5:35
Speaker 1: good decision making based on the results that I want
5:38
Speaker 1: to receive are going to be different than anyone else's
5:41
Speaker 1: because the results that we desire are different. And so
5:45
Speaker 1: for me, you know, as a young ger, I just
5:47
Speaker 1: always been big on that. And I went to school
5:49
Speaker 1: really first saying I'm going to law school because I
5:51
Speaker 1: know I'd be really good. I'm good with creating a
5:53
Speaker 1: narrative and telling a story and people seeing it and
5:56
Speaker 1: really grabbing people their attention and bringing them into my
6:00
Speaker 1: story and my narrative my world. But am I really
6:03
Speaker 1: changing lives? Am I really saving lives. Am I really
6:07
Speaker 1: having a legacy impact on people and not saying that
6:11
Speaker 1: attorneys can't have that right, But for the level that
6:15
Speaker 1: I wanted to have the impact on folks lives, it
6:17
Speaker 1: didn't do it for me. And then as soon as
6:21
Speaker 1: I went to that blank space, I was saying, it's
6:23
Speaker 1: okay for us to be in, which is actually the
6:26
Speaker 1: magical space, and we'll get into that. That's where God
6:29
Speaker 1: was able to have my full attention. He goes, Okay,
6:31
Speaker 1: you went blank on me. You emptied out all of
6:33
Speaker 1: your broken ideologies and all of these ideas you thought
6:37
Speaker 1: you'd have. Now I can really come and penetrate you.
6:39
Speaker 1: And so he started to show me my broken pieces
6:42
Speaker 1: and I was like oh. And then he started to
6:44
Speaker 1: give me these different tools on how to make peace
6:49
Speaker 1: from my broken pieces, and he goes, so, you know,
6:52
Speaker 1: what's up?
6:52
Speaker 3: What do you want?
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I want everybody who I come in
6:55
Speaker 1: contact with to feel what I call God's peace. They
7:00
Speaker 1: can call it whatever they want, as long as the
7:02
Speaker 1: end goal is peace. For me, it's God's peace. I
7:04
Speaker 1: want them to have that in their world because we
7:07
Speaker 1: are all broken in some way, and if we can
7:10
Speaker 1: have a shift in perception, which is America. I call
7:13
Speaker 1: America just a shift in perception. We can take our
7:16
Speaker 1: broken pieces which we perceive to be broken, and then
7:19
Speaker 1: we can find the peace out of it. And I go, well,
7:21
Speaker 1: I got to go into the field that makes sense
7:23
Speaker 1: for me, and that would be the study of behavior
7:25
Speaker 1: and people and help them understand their self and help
7:29
Speaker 1: them have a shift of perception so that they can
7:33
Speaker 1: see their world in a way that would create the
7:35
Speaker 1: experience that they want for themselves first and then they
7:40
Speaker 1: can give that to other people. And what the beautiful
7:44
Speaker 1: thing about that was that God gave me the experience
7:49
Speaker 1: of seeing my brokenness and allowed me to create right
7:53
Speaker 1: the experience I want for myself. And so that I
7:56
Speaker 1: am you know, my academics and all that stuff is
7:59
Speaker 1: pretty cool, but I am qualified by my brokenness and
8:04
Speaker 1: my pain that I fuse with other people. I am
8:07
Speaker 1: qualified by the peace that I brought and I was
8:09
Speaker 1: able to create from that. And so I'm not just
8:12
Speaker 1: speaking from you know, credentials and accolades. And don't get
8:15
Speaker 1: me wrong, I love on pro education. I think it's amazing.
8:18
Speaker 1: But I do find that my experiences and my brokenness
8:23
Speaker 1: and me having to been there, and the empathy versus
8:26
Speaker 1: sympathy I can give my clients is where we fuse
8:29
Speaker 1: and it's where I tend to heal and help them
8:32
Speaker 1: the most. And they say it, they say, doc when
8:34
Speaker 1: you self disclosed and you share your stories with us,
8:38
Speaker 1: which most therapists and coaches don't. More therapists don't, coaches
8:42
Speaker 1: do more, which is what I am. They're like, that
8:44
Speaker 1: changes my life, That makes me feel more more equal
8:48
Speaker 1: eye to eye to you and lets me know that
8:50
Speaker 1: you're human and I'm able to relate more. And that's
8:55
Speaker 1: that's that's what I want. I want to say, look
8:56
Speaker 1: at me, I'm all, I'm kookie too, and you know
8:59
Speaker 1: I'm crazy too. And on my screws, I left them
9:01
Speaker 1: over there somewhere. I can't find them, and I don't
9:05
Speaker 1: want to put them on today. But I'm going to
9:07
Speaker 1: have the most amazing fag of this day with some
9:09
Speaker 1: screws off and yeah, okay, it's okay.
9:13
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. And I think I mean what you're talking
9:15
Speaker 3: about here.
9:15
Speaker 2: Modeling that behavior is so important to cultivate that safe space.
9:19
Speaker 2: And I also love what you were talking about when
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Speaker 2: you talked about shifting that perspective, which will get us here,
9:26
Speaker 2: lead us into this conversation about goal setting.
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Speaker 3: You set it right off the bat, right after I introduced.
9:31
Speaker 2: You that a huge issue that many have with goal
9:35
Speaker 2: setting is that in order to set goals, you have
9:38
Speaker 2: to start first with knowing who you are and what
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Speaker 2: it is that you want and.
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Speaker 3: Not having judgment.
9:44
Speaker 2: Maybe if you can't really articulate that all that well
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Speaker 2: right from the get.
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Speaker 1: Go, absolutely and that and that is the safe space.
9:54
Speaker 1: So the safe space is exactly, you know what, I
9:58
Speaker 1: feel safe enough to understand that I don't know who
10:03
Speaker 1: I am, I don't know what I want, and understand
10:06
Speaker 1: that not everyone feels safe telling their buddies that, and
10:10
Speaker 1: then me go further telling their you know, their coach
10:13
Speaker 1: or their therapist. Unfortunately, that's where the safe haven is.
10:17
Speaker 1: I tell my clients when you come in here, I
10:19
Speaker 1: have a commitment form or an agreement forum that says
10:21
Speaker 1: that there's three commitments. It's to be completely wide open
10:27
Speaker 1: and row right, to be as honest as you can
10:30
Speaker 1: within your capacity so we can only heal the truth,
10:33
Speaker 1: and to commit to doing the work and just be authentic. Right.
10:38
Speaker 1: And so I think it's more important for people to
10:41
Speaker 1: understand that you don't have to know what freaking goals
10:46
Speaker 1: you have, and when you try to create them from
10:51
Speaker 1: the space of I just have to have goals. I
10:53
Speaker 1: just have to have something that I want to do.
10:56
Speaker 1: I have to have these three goals and it just
10:58
Speaker 1: has to be there before I can even do anything.
11:01
Speaker 1: You create resistance. You're also standing on a foundation that's
11:05
Speaker 1: not authentically you. And so what happens is you start
11:08
Speaker 1: to process and create these goals, and what happened you
11:12
Speaker 1: get bored because it's not you. And I always tell people,
11:16
Speaker 1: we don't go find our purpose, find yourself, and there's
11:19
Speaker 1: your purpose. So if you're in that gray area saying
11:22
Speaker 1: I don't know what I want to do, that's because
11:23
Speaker 1: you have not yet to find you. So that means
11:26
Speaker 1: what you need to do in that space is create
11:28
Speaker 1: this relationship with you. But it has to be a
11:31
Speaker 1: real relationship, like who are you really? Right? What really
11:35
Speaker 1: do you like? I don't care if it's quirky, if
11:37
Speaker 1: it's against your family values, if it's outside of your
11:39
Speaker 1: friendship norm if it's outside of your community societal norms, No,
11:45
Speaker 1: who are you? And really love that person and start
11:48
Speaker 1: to create this unconditional love for who you are, and
11:52
Speaker 1: I promise like magic, I'm talking about God's speed. As
11:57
Speaker 1: you start to know who you are and of whatever
12:00
Speaker 1: the heck comes up as you're you know as you
12:04
Speaker 1: are consistently or should I say paralleling shifting or changing
12:09
Speaker 1: what you don't like about yourself. All of a sudden,
12:11
Speaker 1: you know what you love, You know who you want
12:14
Speaker 1: to be, and then your goals are what gets you
12:17
Speaker 1: to where you want to be and who you want
12:19
Speaker 1: to be. Those things are easy to create once you
12:21
Speaker 1: know who you are. But be okay with saying another
12:25
Speaker 1: thing is I don't know. Another thing is you can
12:27
Speaker 1: know who you are for forty years, okay, forty years.
12:30
Speaker 1: This is who I've been, This is what I've stood on,
12:33
Speaker 1: this is who I'm proud I have been proud to be.
12:35
Speaker 1: And now I hit forty forty five or fifty, and
12:38
Speaker 1: I don't know who the hell I am because that
12:40
Speaker 1: person I used to be I really don't want to
12:43
Speaker 1: be anymore. I don't have any interest in any of
12:44
Speaker 1: those things anymore. And so don't go into a dark space.
12:48
Speaker 1: Don't go in, don't turn the lights off and go,
12:50
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I don't know and I'm fifty and
12:52
Speaker 1: I should know. And I'm forty five, and all of
12:54
Speaker 1: a sudden I had it all together, and I don't
12:56
Speaker 1: guess what. Welcome to life. It is all going to
12:59
Speaker 1: fall apart few times if it hasn't already for you
13:02
Speaker 1: and you just didn't know that's what was going on.
13:04
Speaker 1: But let it fall apart. Be excited about the fall apart,
13:08
Speaker 1: because then you get to create and build. Anything that
13:10
Speaker 1: falls apart, you have the opportunity to build, and you
13:13
Speaker 1: get to pick the material like a home that you
13:15
Speaker 1: want to build with. You get to interior decorate your
13:18
Speaker 1: insize of who you want to be again. Perception, how
13:22
Speaker 1: do you perceive your breaking down? Are you perceiving it
13:26
Speaker 1: as the ultimate opportunity to build up everything you've always wanted? Right?
13:32
Speaker 1: Are you perceiving it as, oh my god, I'm falling
13:34
Speaker 1: apart and I won't know where to go from here?
13:38
Speaker 1: When the you know the former answer, which is really
13:41
Speaker 1: the truth. We're creators and like anything, you got to
13:45
Speaker 1: build down, but you have to tear apart. I don't
13:48
Speaker 1: care if you have a beautiful, huge home and you
13:50
Speaker 1: want to do new flooring, you got to tear that
13:52
Speaker 1: wood up. But when that wood is being torn up,
13:55
Speaker 1: and you know this beautiful flooring that you picked out
13:58
Speaker 1: is going in there, this marble so granted flooring. You're like,
14:02
Speaker 1: can we tear this thing up quicker? You can't wait?
14:05
Speaker 1: And that should be not shit. That is a better
14:08
Speaker 1: perspective to have that will give you the best experience
14:11
Speaker 1: of your world. Is like, oh, this thing has fallen apart.
14:14
Speaker 1: That means I get to build something.
14:15
Speaker 2: I love the idea of the fact that you may
14:19
Speaker 2: have a very strong sense of self for a while,
14:21
Speaker 2: but something could happen to shake that and it's okay
14:24
Speaker 2: to do a little bit of that self inquiry and
14:26
Speaker 2: kind of come back to start as long as you
14:29
Speaker 2: have that perspective that what lies ahead of you could
14:33
Speaker 2: also be just as beautiful as what you knew before.
14:37
Speaker 2: I also think it's really important here to establish that
14:40
Speaker 2: oftentimes if we don't know ourselves holy or we're not
14:43
Speaker 2: really understanding, you know, who it is that we are
14:46
Speaker 2: when we walk out the door in the morning, it
14:48
Speaker 2: can lead to us like establishing goals that actually have
14:51
Speaker 2: nothing to do with our own personal interests. Something I
14:54
Speaker 2: talked a lot about in the show a few years
14:56
Speaker 2: back was that in finding and learning a lot about myself.
15:00
Speaker 2: Got really comfortable and excited about solo travel, right. And
15:03
Speaker 2: I think that when you hear someone else is really
15:06
Speaker 2: excited about this thing, it's easy to get like wrapped
15:09
Speaker 2: up in that. And I would have listeners of the
15:11
Speaker 2: show that would go on their own solo travel and
15:15
Speaker 2: I could tell by the way that they were sending
15:18
Speaker 2: me constant photos of it, dming with me during dinner.
15:22
Speaker 2: My question to them and my challenge at times, was hey,
15:26
Speaker 2: take this time to be with yourself, like ask yourself,
15:29
Speaker 2: like what is it from this experience that you want?
15:32
Speaker 3: Who are you right now?
15:34
Speaker 2: And value that time because don't do something just because
15:38
Speaker 2: you saw that I did it. Do something because you
15:40
Speaker 2: you want to do it.
15:43
Speaker 1: That was such great advice. I am the Otis of seven.
15:46
Speaker 1: I always tell my my siblings, especially my brother Shane.
15:51
Speaker 1: I say, you know, baby, we're living you depart. I say, baby, listen,
15:55
Speaker 1: you know I have high expectations. We've came from the
15:58
Speaker 1: inner city. You know. I was the first to go
16:01
Speaker 1: to college, you know, as far as generational and go
16:05
Speaker 1: all the way obviously to my doctorate level. And my
16:08
Speaker 1: brother's not into the education piece. He's more entrepreneurial, and
16:12
Speaker 1: he does his thing and he's killing it in his world.
16:14
Speaker 1: But I say, I've always told me, you know, I
16:16
Speaker 1: want you to use and look at me as my
16:21
Speaker 1: drive and my work ethic and me being a powerhouse
16:25
Speaker 1: and whatever else you've see me. And I want you
16:27
Speaker 1: to grab the things that you really love right, implement
16:31
Speaker 1: them into your world. If they work, keep them if
16:34
Speaker 1: they don't, rid them, and I won't be offended. I
16:37
Speaker 1: want you to be a rock star, like you just said,
16:41
Speaker 1: in your own authentic way, and I don't want you
16:44
Speaker 1: to feel like you have to do as I do
16:46
Speaker 1: for me to feel as though you admire me. I
16:50
Speaker 1: want you to pick the things from me and take them,
16:53
Speaker 1: and the things even advice I tell them that I
16:55
Speaker 1: give you. If you don't agree with those respect fully,
17:00
Speaker 1: say sis, I hear you, but I'm gonna go left.
17:03
Speaker 1: And I said, I'm gonna roll with you left until
17:05
Speaker 1: the wills fall off, and even if left doesn't get
17:08
Speaker 1: you your to the end result and we have to
17:10
Speaker 1: go back to do it the other way. I'm okay
17:12
Speaker 1: with that. But the idea is, I want you to
17:14
Speaker 1: exercise your own, you know, internal locus muscle. I want
17:19
Speaker 1: you to exercise your own decision making muscle so that
17:23
Speaker 1: you do and you start to create what makes you
17:26
Speaker 1: as a young man happy, because at the end of
17:29
Speaker 1: all of this stuff, from education to entrepreneurial to this
17:32
Speaker 1: amazing podcast, you have emily to anything else you could think.
17:36
Speaker 1: If it goes back to what you said, there are
17:38
Speaker 1: more times where the road will be you and you
17:42
Speaker 1: and you, and if you can't create something that you
17:46
Speaker 1: you and you can look at each other and say, listen,
17:49
Speaker 1: I we are having the time of our life. You
17:52
Speaker 1: are going to be a world of trouble. That's when
17:54
Speaker 1: the light went off. Depression comes in, anxiety comes in,
17:59
Speaker 1: and fortunately a lot of people can't find the freaking
18:03
Speaker 1: light switch in the dark. And for me, I'm going
18:06
Speaker 1: listen to my clients who I invest everything I have
18:10
Speaker 1: into them, and again to you, my siblings and my brother.
18:14
Speaker 1: I just I want because I've learned to love myself unconditionally,
18:19
Speaker 1: I am able to give them permission, not that they
18:21
Speaker 1: need my permission, but I'm able to give them permission
18:24
Speaker 1: to choose a blueprint that's unconditional for them. And I'm
18:28
Speaker 1: able to walk that road side by side with them
18:30
Speaker 1: and I'm able to understand when they have to depart
18:32
Speaker 1: and do their own thing. But you're one hundred percent
18:34
Speaker 1: right when I learned that, you know, years ago as
18:37
Speaker 1: a young girl, that hey, this road is kind of
18:41
Speaker 1: like I can get lonely even when I'm a room
18:43
Speaker 1: full of a room full of people. If I don't
18:47
Speaker 1: learn to create a world and experience that really is
18:53
Speaker 1: beautiful for me, me perfectly perfectly creating and custom for
19:00
Speaker 1: for doctor Shyanne Bryant. If I don't do that, this
19:04
Speaker 1: thing's gonna be really really challenging. When I learned to
19:07
Speaker 1: do that, I am glowing, and I am enjoy and
19:11
Speaker 1: I am in peace, whether it's five hundred people in
19:13
Speaker 1: the room or it's just me, because I've learned to
19:16
Speaker 1: fuse with the one person you will never depart from,
19:20
Speaker 1: and that's yourself.
19:21
Speaker 2: You're kind of like the flashlight in the dark room
19:24
Speaker 2: for all of those people. So we've established that it's
19:27
Speaker 2: okay to maybe not know exactly who you are and
19:31
Speaker 2: do some soul searching to figure that out. But for
19:33
Speaker 2: those that can feel confident in where they are who
19:37
Speaker 2: they are, we're talking about setting some goals.
19:40
Speaker 3: Where does one even begin?
19:42
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love that. I love that question because
19:44
Speaker 1: I'm I always say words don't teach, experience does, and
19:48
Speaker 1: so I'm like you, you know, I don't believe in
19:51
Speaker 1: telling people what to do. I believe in following up
19:54
Speaker 1: with the how to write and then giving them the experience.
19:57
Speaker 1: Because of how to give you the experience and the
19:59
Speaker 1: you know to do just gives you obviously the textual
20:03
Speaker 1: textbook you know tips on how to do it, so
20:05
Speaker 1: how to do it again once you. Tip number one
20:09
Speaker 1: is obviously to you know whatever it takes, take a
20:11
Speaker 1: long walk, sit by yourself for thirty forty minutes. I'm
20:14
Speaker 1: big on meditation, but the thing is to sit with self.
20:18
Speaker 1: Let whatever comes up comes up. Don't judge yourself. Get
20:21
Speaker 1: in contact with your emotions and what you feel and
20:23
Speaker 1: what feels good and what doesn't feel good, which is
20:25
Speaker 1: getting to know yourself. That is tip number one for
20:28
Speaker 1: everything in life, especially for setting goals, because then you
20:31
Speaker 1: get to know who you are and what you like
20:32
Speaker 1: and what you want. And then the second thing is
20:35
Speaker 1: you write out a whole list on a piece of paper.
20:37
Speaker 1: On the left side, you write down all the things
20:40
Speaker 1: that make you feel good, all the things that make
20:42
Speaker 1: you happy. On the left side, you tie into that
20:47
Speaker 1: what it would take to obtain those things. Okay, the
20:52
Speaker 1: left side of what it would take to obtain those things.
20:54
Speaker 1: After you get that, you say, okay, so from a
20:58
Speaker 1: scale of one to ten, much enjoyment, what I find
21:02
Speaker 1: in doing what it would take? Okay, the things that
21:05
Speaker 1: are eight and up you keep on there. The things
21:09
Speaker 1: that are eight and below, get rid of them. The
21:11
Speaker 1: things that are eight and above you tie them to
21:14
Speaker 1: what you associated, what you love to do, and you
21:16
Speaker 1: start to create a goal as to what would that
21:19
Speaker 1: goal be. What would that look like? For example, for
21:22
Speaker 1: me with my practice, I said, okay, I did Monday
21:25
Speaker 1: through Sunday when I first started out, and I'm going, yep,
21:27
Speaker 1: i want money through Sunday. I love what I do,
21:28
Speaker 1: I want to do this. And then it changed over
21:32
Speaker 1: the years. I'm going, no, I want Friday through Sunday
21:35
Speaker 1: as my days off. Even though I love what I do,
21:38
Speaker 1: I want those days off and you know, Friday so
21:41
Speaker 1: I could do all my interviews, I can do all
21:43
Speaker 1: my podcast, my publications, and the weekends to have to
21:46
Speaker 1: myself so I can have a well balanced life. But
21:48
Speaker 1: see how we spoke earlier, For about ten years Monday
21:51
Speaker 1: through Sunday was something I freaking loved. I couldn't go
21:54
Speaker 1: a day without my clients. I mean I didn't do
21:57
Speaker 1: it for the money. I literally loved interacting, infusing and
22:01
Speaker 1: helping my clients and being in session. Ten years later,
22:04
Speaker 1: you know I changed as a person, as a woman.
22:07
Speaker 1: I want it more me time. Now. There's going to
22:10
Speaker 1: be times in the midst of doing your happy stuff
22:13
Speaker 1: that you may want to take a break, or you
22:15
Speaker 1: may feel like, okay, this is becoming a little redundant
22:17
Speaker 1: because I'm doing the same thing. Take a break, That's okay.
22:21
Speaker 1: But how you know if it's something that ignites you
22:25
Speaker 1: is when you take a break, you miss it like
22:28
Speaker 1: you will your partner you're in love with, like you
22:31
Speaker 1: will someone you're dating and you know the relationship is
22:34
Speaker 1: in a healthy space. You may say I need my
22:36
Speaker 1: me time, but your meantime only last is so long
22:38
Speaker 1: before you miss that person. So I want you to
22:41
Speaker 1: think of your goals as a relationship because it is
22:45
Speaker 1: with yourself saying do I miss my goal. I want
22:48
Speaker 1: you to pay attention to how you feel about the
22:52
Speaker 1: goals that you're doing, because at the end of the day,
22:56
Speaker 1: everything that we want. I eat the goals that we
22:59
Speaker 1: set as ticket as what we want. It's only for
23:01
Speaker 1: us to feel a certain way, and that's just real.
23:04
Speaker 1: We're not doing anything for any other payoff but to
23:07
Speaker 1: feel good or feel happy. And this is why I
23:10
Speaker 1: always tell my clients, I say, we have one goal.
23:12
Speaker 1: You have one goal, and that's to be happy. Because
23:15
Speaker 1: if your goal is to be happy all the time,
23:19
Speaker 1: and happy doesn't mean you're out of ten all the
23:21
Speaker 1: time happy, It can be you're out of six but
23:24
Speaker 1: you feel really really good. You know you're at a seven,
23:27
Speaker 1: but you feel super super balanced. You're not blasting with excitement,
23:32
Speaker 1: but you're in extreme harmony and you feel so peaceful.
23:35
Speaker 1: And this calmness is just giving you everything you need.
23:37
Speaker 1: And so the key thing is to feel good about
23:40
Speaker 1: your goals. Are you freaking happy doing this? And if
23:44
Speaker 1: you're not, don't be afraid of doing it all the way.
23:52
Speaker 3: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you.
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26:43
Speaker 3: What you were.
26:44
Speaker 2: Saying about the fact that at one point a goal
26:47
Speaker 2: can be good for you, and that doesn't mean that
26:50
Speaker 2: you aren't or cannot go for a goal that might
26:52
Speaker 2: be a little bit bigger. I mean, I feel like
26:54
Speaker 2: a great example of this is when someone starts running,
26:58
Speaker 2: for example, and they set a goal to run a mile.
27:02
Speaker 2: At that same time they set a goal to run
27:04
Speaker 2: a marathon. Well, all of the things on that list
27:07
Speaker 2: that would get them to where they need to be
27:08
Speaker 2: to run the marathon would feel completely bizarre and outlandish
27:12
Speaker 2: at that point, but setting a goal to run one
27:15
Speaker 2: mile a couple of days a week could be a
27:18
Speaker 2: process that that same person would really enjoy. Now that
27:21
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that there is never a marathon in their life.
27:24
Speaker 2: It just means that at that point, right then, right there,
27:28
Speaker 2: they might find they may find a little bit more
27:30
Speaker 2: enjoyment starting small, Which leads me into my next question
27:34
Speaker 2: for you about kind of the sizes of our goals.
27:38
Speaker 2: Right we talked about a lot of small, little doables.
27:41
Speaker 2: Would you say that there is a safe way to
27:44
Speaker 2: set really big goals without setting really small goals or
27:48
Speaker 2: how does someone even navigate something like that?
27:50
Speaker 1: Totally? I think that it all depends on on the person.
27:53
Speaker 1: It all depends on how discipline and commit it you've
27:57
Speaker 1: been in the past to you know, completing your goals.
28:01
Speaker 1: I think that for someone who you know just sets
28:05
Speaker 1: their goals and they're very committed, they're very disciplined, they
28:07
Speaker 1: get through them. Is someone who I would say, your
28:10
Speaker 1: only problem is you're dreaming too small. Go big, go big,
28:14
Speaker 1: go crazy, go big, go crazy. Stretch yourself. You have
28:17
Speaker 1: the discipline, apply the discipline to the big goals as
28:20
Speaker 1: you have been the small goals, and go big. Why
28:23
Speaker 1: are you going small now? For someone who and this
28:26
Speaker 1: person is no you know, less or better than the
28:29
Speaker 1: person the person I just described, But for someone who
28:32
Speaker 1: just doesn't yet have a discipline, the obedience and that
28:34
Speaker 1: commitment to you know, complete their goals, go small. Because
28:39
Speaker 1: what happens is as we complete our goals, we become empowered.
28:44
Speaker 1: And so the idea is, if you can empower yourself,
28:47
Speaker 1: which is the belief in yourself to say I can
28:49
Speaker 1: do this, you start to exercise your commitment muscle, your
28:54
Speaker 1: discipline and obedience muscle. And the idea is to get
28:57
Speaker 1: that muscle so big that it has muscle memories like
29:01
Speaker 1: our real muscles do. In our body and you no
29:03
Speaker 1: longer have to really exercise it. That muscle shows up
29:06
Speaker 1: in bulth when it's time to go.
29:08
Speaker 2: Of course, there are the occasional hurdles that pop up
29:11
Speaker 2: that are unexpected or ones that really knock us down
29:15
Speaker 2: and perhaps prevent you from going after that initial big goal.
29:20
Speaker 2: So what advice do you offer to individuals who do
29:25
Speaker 2: come across these unexpected hurdles and how can they keep
29:28
Speaker 2: or search for seek out that positive mindset that they're
29:32
Speaker 2: going to need to get back up and stand on
29:34
Speaker 2: their own two feet.
29:35
Speaker 1: Get a coach. More than that, get an effective life
29:38
Speaker 1: coach or a therapist who can do it. Get an
29:41
Speaker 1: effective coach who can see your authenticity, who can see
29:47
Speaker 1: inside of you some of the parts that you've turned off.
29:50
Speaker 1: Because the idea of an effective coach is we go in,
29:53
Speaker 1: we grab and sometimes you guys are uncomfortable with us
29:56
Speaker 1: being in there, but it doesn't matter. That's our job,
29:58
Speaker 1: and we pull out the beautiful stuff that you go, well,
30:03
Speaker 1: that's not me, and we're like, yeah, look at this
30:06
Speaker 1: that is you. Wow, look at this. You can do it.
30:09
Speaker 1: You've done it before you've even completed it. And guess
30:12
Speaker 1: what I got your back. Not everybody can afford a coach,
30:16
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be that coach that says,
30:17
Speaker 1: get a coach, you can't afford it. I don't know,
30:19
Speaker 1: you're just crap out of love. That's not true. You
30:21
Speaker 1: can't afford a coach, right, Or maybe you can and
30:23
Speaker 1: you're still in that indecisive gray area mode. That's okay.
30:27
Speaker 1: Celebrate yourself where you are, or go to YouTube and
30:30
Speaker 1: go to YouTube is free and you watch I have
30:32
Speaker 1: a Doctor Bryant channel that you can watch many of
30:35
Speaker 1: my videos. I am a fan of Abraham Hicks. I
30:37
Speaker 1: watch her like crazy. She's my go to when I'm
30:39
Speaker 1: feeling like one of my screws is lost. Bishop TD Jakes.
30:43
Speaker 1: If you want to go to the more religious aspect
30:46
Speaker 1: of it, if you want to go spiritual, it's Abraham Hicks.
30:48
Speaker 1: And when you go to YouTube you see many other
30:50
Speaker 1: things that are there. Click on what works for you.
30:53
Speaker 1: If it works for you, you allow it to penetrate
30:57
Speaker 1: you until it no longer works. That means it can
30:59
Speaker 1: work for five years, twenty years, five months. If you
31:03
Speaker 1: have grown with that thing that works and outgrown it,
31:07
Speaker 1: start to seek something else.
31:09
Speaker 3: I love what you said. To just there.
31:10
Speaker 2: And I think that also when it comes to these
31:13
Speaker 2: hurdles that we might face, you reiterating that asking for
31:17
Speaker 2: help is important. I remember, I think it was this
31:19
Speaker 2: morning that I was watching the Today Show and there
31:22
Speaker 2: was a segment on men's health and just the alarming
31:25
Speaker 2: statistics that so many men don't even seek out like
31:28
Speaker 2: a general their primary care physician during the year because
31:32
Speaker 2: it's almost as though they feel as though checking in
31:34
Speaker 2: on their body is them doing too much or needing that,
31:38
Speaker 2: you know, all of brand, when that's not the truth
31:40
Speaker 2: at all. The same goes for our mental health, and
31:43
Speaker 2: when especially when we're talking about goal setting here, is
31:46
Speaker 2: that it's just so integral at one point or another
31:49
Speaker 2: when things aren't going your way, to say, hey, like
31:53
Speaker 2: I need to do a debrief, I need to dive
31:55
Speaker 2: into what's happening here, and just you know, have some grease.
32:00
Speaker 1: That entire process one hundred percent, you know, which you said,
32:04
Speaker 1: is so powerful. There's power in asking for help, and
32:09
Speaker 1: there's power in receiving that help. Okay, you want to
32:13
Speaker 1: go fast, go alone, you want to go far, go
32:15
Speaker 1: as a team. Be easy on yourself and allow yourself
32:19
Speaker 1: to just feel another thing is you know, sometimes you
32:23
Speaker 1: don't need to do anything. Sometimes you don't need to
32:25
Speaker 1: run that mile. Sometimes it's not time to set any goals.
32:29
Speaker 1: It's time to do nothing at all and allow yourself
32:33
Speaker 1: to be okay in that space. And when I say
32:35
Speaker 1: do nothing, I'm not saying do nothing for months, do
32:37
Speaker 1: nothing for weeks. I'm saying, give yourself the day if
32:41
Speaker 1: you may need the week to say. You know, I'm
32:44
Speaker 1: gonna do nothing but be in my pajamas. I'm gonna
32:47
Speaker 1: drink my coffee, my tea, and I'm gonna sit in
32:50
Speaker 1: my emotions and I'm going to really get in contact
32:53
Speaker 1: and fuse with myself. That week can catapult you five
32:59
Speaker 1: years ahead. That's where people don't understand. This is not
33:02
Speaker 1: about who can work the hardest, who can kill themselves
33:06
Speaker 1: with this work ethic that just drives them in the ground.
33:09
Speaker 1: That's not a good quality of life. That's imbalanced or unbalanced,
33:12
Speaker 1: and it's unhealthy. The idea is, you know, how can
33:17
Speaker 1: I it's the law of non resistance. How can I
33:20
Speaker 1: do less and get more? That doesn't mean you're cheating
33:25
Speaker 1: people what they get from you. That's not what it means,
33:27
Speaker 1: or even yourself that means, how can I make my mind,
33:31
Speaker 1: how can I make my law of attraction calibrate and
33:34
Speaker 1: work for me? Because we are attracting things, we are
33:38
Speaker 1: not outfinding things. Finding is exhausting, that's called doing. Attracting
33:44
Speaker 1: is empowering, that's called being. And when you are just being,
33:49
Speaker 1: you will attract everything of who you are, because we
33:52
Speaker 1: attract who we are despite of who we think we are.
33:55
Speaker 1: So if you really want to do an assessment and
33:57
Speaker 1: a measurement on what the heck is going on with
33:59
Speaker 1: you inside internally, just seek nothing, attract everything, and then
34:06
Speaker 1: look at it as observer and go, oh, okay, so
34:09
Speaker 1: I'm attracting this or maybe argumentative people, or I'm attracting
34:13
Speaker 1: givers or I'm attracting takers, And then you go, okay,
34:17
Speaker 1: that's what I am. And don't deny it. Just say
34:20
Speaker 1: that's what I am. Don't beat yourself up and write
34:22
Speaker 1: it down on a piece of paper and say I
34:24
Speaker 1: don't want to be this, but I do love being this.
34:27
Speaker 1: So let me calibrate different, let me take that out
34:30
Speaker 1: of my calibration and my energetic whirlpool, because all we're
34:35
Speaker 1: doing are these we're these little you know, calibrators who
34:40
Speaker 1: attracts who we are, and guess what we do. We
34:42
Speaker 1: throw out who we are, so we attract and we project,
34:45
Speaker 1: and we see in others who we are, not who
34:48
Speaker 1: they are. So start to look at people. This is
34:50
Speaker 1: a good homework for all of your hurdlers. Look at
34:56
Speaker 1: I want you to take inventory, right, I want you
34:58
Speaker 1: to take a piece of paper out and start to
35:00
Speaker 1: take five people in your world, and I want you
35:02
Speaker 1: to write down what you see in them, and don't
35:04
Speaker 1: be biased good and bad, because whatever you see in
35:07
Speaker 1: them is really what you see in you. Because we
35:10
Speaker 1: see in others who we are, not who they are.
35:12
Speaker 1: And write that down and then look at it and
35:14
Speaker 1: take inventory and go, Okay, I'm a little funky over here,
35:18
Speaker 1: I'm killing it over here, I'm doing my thing. And
35:21
Speaker 1: then just take that list, work on it, and I
35:24
Speaker 1: want you to create goals from that list as to, Okay,
35:28
Speaker 1: my goal is to become more of these things that
35:31
Speaker 1: I really love. And I don't want you to even
35:33
Speaker 1: focus on the things that you don't because what we
35:35
Speaker 1: focus on magnifies. Don't water the plant we don't want
35:38
Speaker 1: to grow. And then celebrate yourself. You know we will
35:42
Speaker 1: you can't beat yourself down and build yourself up at
35:45
Speaker 1: the same time. And I tell my clients, so you
35:48
Speaker 1: got to choose one. So if you choose build yourself up,
35:51
Speaker 1: then let's celebrate ourselves. Let's celebrate when we are bold
35:54
Speaker 1: enough and we love ourself enough Emily to take a
35:59
Speaker 1: day or two our lie week off, that's something to
36:01
Speaker 1: be proud of. You know what. I allow myself to
36:03
Speaker 1: take a couple of days off, and I allow myself
36:05
Speaker 1: to be okay with it. Celebrate that, and then the
36:09
Speaker 1: days when you know I was totally committed because I
36:11
Speaker 1: didn't feel like doing any of this, but I did
36:13
Speaker 1: it all. And I deserve a glass of wine tonight.
36:17
Speaker 1: I deserve to be in my pj's and watch my show.
36:20
Speaker 1: Maybe I want to have a two hour conversation with
36:22
Speaker 1: my girlfriend about absolutely nothing. I deserve that. That is
36:26
Speaker 1: celebration for me. I deserve to have a week in
36:29
Speaker 1: vacation like Emily does solo. Then do that, embrace it,
36:35
Speaker 1: and be celebratory the entire time that you're doing it.
36:39
Speaker 1: We have to learn to feel good about ourselves, especially
36:44
Speaker 1: women and especially men who are which statistically has proven
36:49
Speaker 1: men who don't not only ask for help, but they
36:52
Speaker 1: don't open They're not open to receiving help. They have
36:55
Speaker 1: to start to celebrate that vulnerable space of them asking
37:00
Speaker 1: for help right and then receiving it and being grateful
37:05
Speaker 1: and okay with it and not feeling less than our
37:07
Speaker 1: week because you receive something that society or learned behavior
37:11
Speaker 1: taught you you should be able to do on your own.
37:13
Speaker 1: That's not true.
37:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean you're leading us right into where
37:16
Speaker 2: I wanted to kind of wind down our conversation today,
37:19
Speaker 2: which is on this note of celebration and making the
37:23
Speaker 2: time to recognize that work that you have done to
37:27
Speaker 2: get to where you want to be. So what advice
37:30
Speaker 2: do you have for anyone who is in this phase,
37:34
Speaker 2: right in this phase of completing their goal? How do
37:37
Speaker 2: they proceed from there?
37:39
Speaker 1: Totally? You know, there's milestones in the middle of your goal,
37:45
Speaker 1: and say your goal takes four steps, you should have
37:49
Speaker 1: a plan that says, hey, on step number two, I'm
37:52
Speaker 1: turning up. On step number four, I'm going to celebrate
37:56
Speaker 1: like crazy and then celebrate in way is that recharge
38:01
Speaker 1: you that make you feel like a powerhouse, that make
38:05
Speaker 1: you feel so loved And the key thing to celebration
38:09
Speaker 1: is to surround yourself with people who celebrate you too,
38:14
Speaker 1: not just merely tolerate you. And you don't have to
38:19
Speaker 1: shift who you are when you walk in the room
38:22
Speaker 1: and make sure that the number one person that you're
38:25
Speaker 1: talking to and that you're having a relationship with and
38:27
Speaker 1: that you are allowing to celebrate you as a person
38:30
Speaker 1: you're never depart from, and that's yourself. And so everything
38:34
Speaker 1: goes back to self. Learn how to feel really good
38:38
Speaker 1: about everything you do, even when nobody's cheering for you,
38:42
Speaker 1: even when nobody gets it and when they don't agree
38:44
Speaker 1: with it. I say, you have to learn the balance
38:46
Speaker 1: of really really caring for people and about people, but
38:50
Speaker 1: not giving a damn about how they feel about you.
38:53
Speaker 1: Not an easy space to obtain, but once you're there, man,
38:58
Speaker 1: you're in the money. You're in the money because then
39:00
Speaker 1: you can say, you know, I love you, Emily, I
39:02
Speaker 1: care about you, I got your back, You're my girl,
39:05
Speaker 1: but you don't influence my value. And that would be
39:10
Speaker 1: the healthiest, the epitome of a healthy friendship. But that's
39:15
Speaker 1: also also the peak of emotional intelligence, which is a
39:18
Speaker 1: whole other show.
39:20
Speaker 2: It's another episode that we'll do next month. Maybe I
39:24
Speaker 2: love the idea of harmony. I love the idea of
39:27
Speaker 2: lifting one another up and surrounding yourself with people that
39:30
Speaker 2: not only support you, but cheer you on. I know
39:32
Speaker 2: it's so so important and so many unbelievable takeaways. In
39:36
Speaker 2: today's episode, Doctor Bryant, give the hurdler some information. Let
39:40
Speaker 2: them know. How do they follow along with you? How
39:42
Speaker 2: do they keep up with you? Give me the details.
39:45
Speaker 1: So to find Doctor b I'm on Instagram and Twitter
39:49
Speaker 1: at Underscore Doctor Bryant. My website is doctor Bryant dot
39:53
Speaker 1: co and that's doctor Bryant dot CEO, not dot com.
39:57
Speaker 1: And then on Facebook you just put in doctor Shane Bryant.
40:00
Speaker 1: The cool thing is if you just google me, doctor
40:02
Speaker 1: Shy and Bryant, my book Mental Detoks comes up number one,
40:05
Speaker 1: and for some reason, the universe must have felt very
40:08
Speaker 1: good about me. I come up number one on Google.
40:11
Speaker 1: So try it out and thanks for tuning, And I
40:15
Speaker 1: really hope that y'all have taken away some tools and
40:17
Speaker 1: some tips that you will apply to your life, because
40:21
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is, if you do the work,
40:23
Speaker 1: it works.
40:25
Speaker 3: Do the work, it works.
40:26
Speaker 2: I'm over at emily A Badi and at Hurdle Podcasts,
40:30
Speaker 2: Another hurdle conquered.
40:31
Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.