Latest / Women Who Ship / 3. You Belong in the Room: Rethinking Imposter Syndrome
Transcript
- Sarah: Hey friends, welcome back to Women Who Ship. Today I'm talking about something that comes up in almost every conversation I have with women in tech: imposter syndrome. It's that sneaky feeling that you're not as talented as people think you are, and it's only a matter of time before someone finds you out. Even though your resume, your track record, And your calendar full of people asking for your help, all say otherwise. I'm going to dig into why imposter syndrome is so common in tech, especially for women, how socialization and representation play into it, and why those shaky feelings often show up right when you're actually growing the most. And I won't stop at naming the problem. I'll share some practical tools you can use this week, like building a personal milestones list. And learning to shift your thoughts just 10% to start building real self-trust instead of waiting to feel ready. Mm-hmm. And I won't stop at naming the problem. I'll share some practical tools you can use this week, like building a personal milestones list and learning to shift your thoughts just 10% to start building real self-trust instead of waiting to feel ready. So if you've ever thought, I don't belong here, while also being the one quietly holding everything together, stay with me. Imposter syndrome is actually really common across genders in tech. Both men and women experience it. And my thought about this is the reason why it's so common in tech is that we're constantly being bombarded with new technologies. And so we're having to learn new things. We're constantly surrounded by brilliant people. So we're worried that. You know, we don't know a technology as deeply as someone else in the room, or, you know, we're having to Imposter syndrome is actually really common across genders in tech. And I think there's a lot of a lot of things that are unique about the industry that make that the case. So one being that we're constantly being bombarded with new technologies. So there's always something new to learn, and you have to really stretch outside of your comfort zone in order to get get up to date on the newest technology. Ugh, okay, I can do this. Imposter syndrome is actually really common across genders in tech. And I think there's a couple of things about the tech industry in particular that makes this so common. So one being that we're constantly bombarded with new technologies. So we're always learning something new, pushing our boundaries with all the new things coming our ways. Then there's also a ton of brilliant people. In the industry. So you're surrounded by people who probably know a technology more deeply than you, or they have been with the company longer than you have, or there's some other reason why someone else is an expert, and maybe you're not an expert on everything. And in fact, my local women in technology association, shout out Springfield Women in Tech, commissioned a Commissioned a 2025 tech workplace survey report in collaboration with Habitat, Communication, and Culture. And they found from that survey of local tech professionals that 79% of women, the That 79% of men and 89% of women reported experiencing imposter syndrome at work. Huge numbers, so practically everyone. And just to ground you in what imposter syndrome is, imposter syndrome is a psychological experience of self doubt about your skills, talents, or accomplishments. So you intellectually know you've achieved things, but emotionally, You feel like a fraud. Recently, I've spoken with a lot of women, and imposter syndrome has come up as an issue for them. And I wanted to share just a bit of the ways of how it shows up for other women. A lot of times it'll show up as believing that your success is due to external things like luck or the other people that you are working with, and a tendency to minimize your own contributions to those successes. And in fact, hand in hand with that is a tendency to discount the positive. So you look at however you contributed as maybe being easier than someone else because it was easy for you, but maybe another person sitting across from you would really think that that was a huge contribution. but you just tend to discount it because it's a positive attribute you have and you felt like it was an easy thing that you did. And you may also tend to focus more on the negatives. So you're thinking through all of the ways that the project went wrong instead of focusing on the great ways that you contributed to the success. Another way that imposter syndrome can show up is going from, you know, kind of being a big fish in a small pond to landing in a bigger pond where you're just another fish. So this can show up like if you were, you know, a real standout in high school, you know, you were top of the class. And then you get to college and a lot of people are were top of their class as well. And so you're now surrounded by A higher caliber of people that are all smart and all very successful. And so you tend to, you know, feel like you're out of place. One thing that is very consistent about imposter syndrome is the fear that you're going to be found out at any moment. So for example, you're starting out at a new company and you feel like, ⁓ at any moment I'm going to be fired because they just are gonna figure out that I didn't have all the qualifications that, you know, you spent convincing them of during the interview process. So I'll share a bit about how imposter syndrome shows up for me personally. I tend to take a look around me at how other people are doing. For example, my last team at the company that I was at before was just amazing. A bunch of incredible, brilliant people that were really good at what they do. And I thought, ⁓ my gosh, there's no way that I measure up to these people around me, even though there was plenty of evidence. to the contrary. And this is something that we'll also see common in social media. So you're kind of comparison comparing And this is something that we'll also see common with social media. So you're comparing someone else's highlight reel to your kind of day-to-day reality where things are 50-50. You know, some things go really well. And then sometimes you have problems that you have to negotiate and figure out. And that doesn't always show up when you're looking at someone else's achievements. I did find it really interesting in the survey results from the tech workplace survey that the local women in tech organization did, that there was such a huge gap between women and men's experience with imposter syndrome. So they found that 79% of men experienced it at work, which is still a huge percentage, most of the men. But for women, it was 89%. So that's nine out of 10 women practically that are experiencing imposter syndrome at work. And I do believe that women's socialization plays a role here. So women are taught from a very young age to be very modest, to not self-promote, to not show up and be big, to be demure, not draw attention to themselves. And so that's going to play a role a bit. in that experience of imposter syndrome. Also, women are socialized to attribute their success to external factors. So we saw that this was already an attribute of imposter syndrome that is also an attribute of women's socialization, that you really should be attributing your success to luck or to other people. You know, keep everybody happy around you and make sure you're not really shining and standing out. I also think there that it should be said. I also think we have to acknowledge that tech environments are a contributor to this experience as well. So there are persistent stereotypes about women's abilities in male-dominated environments. I've spoken to a number of women who have really felt that they had to go in and prove that they belonged somewhere. And then often they'll just stay in a role because they don't want to have to do that again. When they finally achieve the self-respect or the when they finally achieve the respect of their peers, everyone knows that, you know, so and so knows what they're doing and that she's going to be a contributor. She's going to be someone you can go to for advice. They want to hold on to that because they feel that if they have to move on to another environment or another team, that they'll have to start over again proving themselves as You know, a valid contributor in a space. And then we have to consider representation as well. So if you're walking onto a team and you're the only woman with a technical background, of course you're going to wonder if you belong. Ironically though, feeling like an imposter is often a sign that you are exactly where you should be, especially in the tech industry, at the edge of your comfort zone, learning and growing. Yeah. And the Dunning-Kruger effect often helps explain part of this. So the Dunning-Kruger kind of looks like a reverse bell curve where at the beginning of developing your confidence in something, you're way overcompetent. Their beginners don't know enough to understand the complexity of what they're building their competence in. And so they tend to overestimate their ability. But then as your competence improves, Then your confidence takes a nosedive. And that is what is called the valley of despair. So you know enough to realize what you don't know. And that's probably where you are right now. You may be feeling this about AI right now, where like, you know, you know enough to know there's a ton out there that you don't know yet. But as you gain competence, as you spend more time developing in. your skills, then your confidence grows in a very grounded way. And so your confidence will increase. Though with your imposter syndrome, will you let yourself believe that? And so that's what we're going to talk about next. Feeling like an imposter is not proof that you're not good enough. In many cases, it's a signal that you're stretching into new territory or you care deeply about doing great work. So feeling like an imposter can be a sign you're on the right track. And by deliberately challenging your self-doubting thoughts, you can build a more grounded, sustainable confidence. Mm. My first tip for today is to build self-trust with a personal milestones list. So I want you to sit down and go back as far as you can, remember and list things that you're genuinely proud of. So things like graduating with a degree, finishing a hard project, getting that promotion you were going for, changing careers. Maybe think back to the first time you learned to code, or the first time you launched a big product. Maybe it was an opportunity to mentor someone, or that time you spoke up in a tough meeting. Or maybe you took time off to care for yourself or for your family. These are all great things to add to your personal milestones list. And for example, I have maintained. a list like this for several years, I tend to include not just my professional milestones, like achieving a promotion, but also my personal ones, like the times I've gotten to take a dream vacation or, you know, being married to my spouse for a certain amount of time. I want you. ⁓ Once you've got your milestone list, I want you to pause and remember you did all of that. You did it. Then I want you to pick one milestone and really think about it in detail. How did it feel when you were doing that? It probably was a mix of 50-50. I know when I got my master's degree, I was incredibly proud of that at the end. But during the time that I was doing it, there were definitely days when I was not feeling great. It didn't feel good to write a long paper about cybersecurity ⁓ on the weekend when I would have much rather been spending time with my family. Your next tip is to shift your thoughts by just 10%. I don't want you to try to go for a hundred percent change in your thoughts. So you're not gonna go from I have no idea what I'm doing, to I'm a world-class expert and nothing can stop me. That's not gonna feel believable at all at this stage. So instead, I want you to practice a thought that just feels 10% more believable and 10% better in your body. And I would like for you to really check in with your body as you're coming up with these thoughts. So you should be able to really feel a shift when you come across the thought that feels believable to your body and your mind. Yeah. You should be able to feel a distinct shift when you find that thought that is truly believable in both your body and your mind. So, an example for me, when I've thought a 10% better thought, was ⁓ several months ago, I started working with a new team. And the team was quite different from the team that I had been with before. And in fact, there was also some pressure because I was also had a new title. And I really wanted to be good at this role as a technical program management, but the ways of working were completely different from what I had done before. And so there were a lot of ⁓ requirements, things that really everyone on the else on the team kind of knew were expected. And I was like learning it new every time. So it would not be uncommon for me to walk into a meeting and hear about a thing that I had never heard before. And it was something that I needed to be doing. So it felt a bit intense because here I'm supposed to be a leader on the team. I'm supposed to be helping drive this team towards, you know, completion of a project. And stuff keeps coming up that I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. So I couldn't go from, ⁓ my God, I have no idea what I'm doing, to, yeah, I'm going to be the best technical program manager this team's ever worked with, and we're going to, you know, crush this project. So I had to really just pick a thought like. Okay, I've managed projects before. That was literally the thought that I would go into meetings with. I have managed projects before. And so that helped me build that confidence over time of all these new things coming around. Like it's fine, I've done this before. I can do it again, you know, and that really built my confidence. And eventually I did get to where I felt really successful with that team and with that project. For everyone listening, here's your assignment for this week. Make your personal milestone list and take a moment to reflect on all of your amazing accomplishments. I'm so proud of you. Pick one of those milestones and really think about how it felt when you were working toward that goal. I imagine the feelings were 50 50. Sometimes it felt great, sometimes it was difficult. And last, I want you to challenge your current thinking by brainstorming your own 10% better thought. So when you get into a situation that feels challenging, that brings up all those feelings of imposter syndrome, think a 10% better thought that can help you get through it. If you're feeling really brave, I'd love to hear from you. What's one milestone from your own career or your life that you're proud of, but rarely give yourself credit for? Share it with me on Instagram or LinkedIn at coach Sarah Williams. I might highlight a few on a future episode because your wins deserve to be seen. That's it for today's episode of Women Who Ship and the conversation on imposter syndrome for now. If you took nothing else away, I hope you remember this. Feeling like an imposter doesn't mean you're not qualified. It often means you're growing. And you don't have to wait for your brain to magically stop doubting you. You can start building self-trust on purpose by looking at what you've already shipped, the milestones you've already hit. And by choosing thoughts that feel just ten percent more supportive. Mm-hmm. And you don't have to wait for your brain to magically stop doubting you. You can start building self-trust on purpose by looking at what you've already shipped, the milestones you've already hit, and by choosing thoughts that feel just 10% more supportive. I'm glad you're here. Let's go ship some good stuff together.