Latest / Harder Than Life / 122: Why Influence is a Skill, Not a Talent And How to Learn It with René Rodriguez

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122: Why Influence is a Skill, Not a Talent And How to Learn It with René Rodriguez · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome back to the Harder Life Podcast, my loves. I got an amazing guest today. He and I connected over the holiday, and you got to make sure you get into rooms because I met this gentleman through a mutual friend that I met on Instagram, and we connected instantly, liked each other. We're going to share the gist of that conversation and what it meant to me. And before I hit record, Rene was just breathing into us. So Rene Rodriguez,
• 0:51
  is a best-selling author, keynote speaker, leadership advisor, and transformational speaker coach. With over 27 years of experience, Rene has mastered the art of applying behavioral neuroscience to leadership, sales, and change. As the CEO of multiple companies, he integrates practical business strategies with powerful storytelling to inspire action.
• 1:16
  He has shared the stage with legends like Ed Milet, Tony Robbins, and Gary Vaynerchuk, leaving audience captivated and transformed. His mission? Helping individuals and businesses own their story, amplify their influence, and drive meaningful results. Welcome, Rene Rodriguez. It's great to be here, my friend. It's like we met, instantly became friends, and now we're here, so it's good to see you, brother.
• 1:46
  I'm going to take it a step further and I'm going to share the audience right off the bat. So after we spoke, your whole help is amplify your influence. And for those of us listening, we're all trying to amplify our influence because we're in the influence game, whether we like it or not. If you want to influence others and be successful at it.
• 2:05
  How will you influence people? How do you teach people to influence? Well, I think it begins with realizing that there are moments of influence that are happening everywhere. And I think we all see sort of the big influences, the being on stages, writing books and podcasting and social media following. And we've we've lost sight of what real influences. Those are definitely modern ways and new ways that we're able to influence behavior. But
• 2:36
  That doesn't happen overnight for most of us. That is something that is earned over long periods of time, which is okay. Just like, you know, your fitness, you've been working out forever. You didn't, you know, last week say, I decided to do a couple of bicep curls and all of a sudden you got these guns. Now you've been doing that for years and years. You don't have to be at something for years to start really implementing the science of influence. And to me, when we realize that influence is about first capturing attention, second, getting people to act on the information that we share.
• 3:05
  So one-on-one is where the majority of influence happens. I mean, I spoke 239 days last year, but yet the majority of my influence is one-on-one. And when you realize that there's things that matter in terms of your tone of voice, your posture, your spacing and your timing, how you tell a story, the sequence and the way you tell a story, all of those things are learnable and they are skills. And so a lot of people think they're born with it. These are learned and trained skills.
• 3:34
  Why is it so important to amplify your influence? So let's take away influence for a minute. Let's pretend you walk in a room and no one notices. You tell a joke and no one laughs. You sell a product and no one buys. You share an idea and no one cares. You cast a vision and no one follows. How do you feel? What words come to mind when you think of that scenario?
• 3:56
  Deflation, defeated. Yeah. Loser. Defeated. I mean, some people say invisible. The word I use is insignificant. And so play that word out, like zoom in on that word insignificant. How would that play out in my life? Well, let's say I'm in a meeting and I felt insignificant. Well, I'd probably start asking myself, why am I in this meeting? If I was in a relationship and I felt insignificant, I'd ask myself, why am I in this relationship? If I was at work feeling insignificant, I'd say, why in the world do I work here?
• 4:25
  Unfortunately, too many people walk around life feeling insignificant and wonder why they're here. Why am I even on this earth? And some people take that to an extreme. So for me, the lack of influence is one of the worst of human experiences. But let's bring influence back. I walk in a room and people take notice. I tell a joke and people laugh. I sell a product and people buy. I share ideas and they love it. I cast a vision and I watch people line up and follow.
• 4:52
  Now that feeling is completely different. What word comes to mind for you when you hear that? Well, you feel seen, you feel heard, you feel important, you feel worthy. It's beautiful. You're warming my heart. Keep going. Yeah, seen, felt, heard, and another way of saying is significant. And so if I was in a meeting and I felt significant, I'd know why I was there. If I was in a relationship and I felt significant, I'd know exactly why I'm in it. At work, I'd know why I worked there.
• 5:19
  And if I felt that way in life, the quality of life would be drastically different. And so for me, influence isn't just this offensive strategy of sales and marketing and persuasion. It is really at its core helping us put our purpose to work. So because if I know why I'm in a meeting, I know my purpose. If I know why I'm in this relationship, I know my purpose. If I know why we're talking, I know my purpose. And so that question, it answers, what is my purpose? It's through the, we find it through the impact and influence we have in the world.
• 5:49
  You just literally had butterflies going through me because that's why I started Heart of Life. I grew up, you know, I know we recently met each other, but my listeners know this, but I want to reiterate it again because we're starting off new, new year. And I want to remind people that, you know, I grew up and I was invisible.
• 6:06
  My parents, I was to be seen and not heard. I was there to be their caretaker. And literally, I say slave. I hate that word, but it's literally what it was. I was there to wait on them hand or fist. So harder than life in very many respects is to be seen and heard. And I'm reminded right away of once you taste significance, success will never taste the same.
• 6:36
  And Tony Robbins said that, I think. I'm not sure, but think of that. Once you taste true significance, success never feels the same. And it's true. The entire Heart in Life brand is for charity. Yes, we're going to bring a bunch of people with us. Yes, but this isn't for me to buy a jet. This is for me to help others feel better.
• 7:00
  seen and heard because they matter. And that's why I rushed to have you on because when I talked to you, you immediately connected with me. So I wanna go down that path is, how do you get someone's undivided attention in this distracted world? You're a master at this. Well, it depends on the platform. So let's, and that, and so the question, you have to be able to sit back and say, I wish I could just say, you do this.
• 7:26
  that's like saying, well, what's the best golf club to use? And some people say the putter or they like the driver, the seven iron. And I'm like, well, they say you like the putter. I said, what if you're teeing off on a par five, 500 yard hole? Putter is not going to do much good. Well, I like the driver. Okay. Well, what if you're on the putting green?
• 7:42
  The answer to that question is the best club to use is the one that's needed for the job. And the same is true with leadership and influence. Sales, all the skills that you talk about, that we talk about, they're all clubs in the bag, tools in the toolbox, if you will. And so the first step to capture attention is to assess your audience. You don't go pick the golf club first. You look at the hole. You assess, is there a sand trap? Is there a water hazard? How far is it? How short is it? Is there wind? Yeah.
• 8:08
  then you choose the right tool. And so when you think about capturing attention, okay, if I'm on social media, we have a non-captive audience. That's one of the first distinctions versus a speaking engagement, you have a captive audience. And so if I have a captive audience,
• 8:23
  I can get on stage and I can start a little slower, build up the story, talk about, I remember when I was a kid, tell these, that story arcs. Like if you have somebody going to a movie, there's a story arc. They don't tell you the gist of the movie right away. They leave you hanging because you've opted into that scenario.
• 8:40
  So in that scenario, storytelling is going to be by far your fastest and most powerful way to capture people's attention, especially if you do what's called a cold start. And the cold start is instead of coming out and saying, Hey, everyone, God, it's great to be here, man. Just like Arizona, isn't it beautiful here? You know, let's give a big round of applause to our host over here. And which is how 99% of speeches talk. And I tell people, don't do that anymore. You're doing that not for them. You're doing that for yourself.
• 9:06
  You have to be up on that stage to serve. And so a cold start would be, they introduce you, you say, hey, Rene Rodriguez, and you just say, it's May 15th, 1961, and Alan Shepard was sitting on top of the Redstone rocket on this Freedom 7 mission about to be launched off into space. So that's like you're immediately in a movie.
• 9:23
  And I'm telling you history, Alan Shepard, the first American to be launched off into space. And we talk about all those things. Now, that's a cold start. That works with a captive audience. Now, the hard lesson I learned on social media is that you don't have a captive audience. So from that platform, you have less than three seconds to get people to stop and pay attention to you. And they call it stopping the scroll, right? But now, people think that's new. It's not new. It's not new.
• 9:49
  Back when we had newsstands, the copywriters and the news headline writers, they had to stop the stroll as people were strolling on by. They like what aliens take over Manhattan and they look and all of a sudden now you're looking and picking up their, their newspaper. And so you have to be really good at headline writing for social media and for social media videos, you have to be able to be good and they call them hooks. Right? How do you hook someone's attention very, very quickly? And a lot of times people think that they write hooks.
• 10:18
  But a hook should never have the solution in the hook. Like you should never say sales is the most important job in the industry, in the world. And then expect people to buy. No. Here's the number one skill you can learn to triple your income. Now that's a hook on social media. It's like, well, I want to triple my income. Number one skill, I need to know the skill.
• 10:41
  And so in that case, now I've at least stopped you to pay attention and you're listening versus what I let people say, sales is the best skill to have. And that's the title of the video. No one's going to watch that. It's just, nobody asked for that advice, but hook me with a question, hook me with intrigue, curiosity, hook me with something bold and provocative. I'll pay attention. Again, there's a difference between captive and non-captive audiences.
• 11:05
  I want to go down the rabbit hole of the average Joe and the average Jane in two seconds. So hold me accountable on that. So the police officer that's listening to this, the nurse practitioner, the doctor, the average influencer. I want to go down that depot. But I want to remind people, if you want more, Rene, follow him on Instagram at LearnWithRene, spelled R-E-N-E. And he has this amazing course that I'm actually going to go to. It's called...
• 11:33
  Amplify and it's every single month he has these so just go to his website all the stuff will be in the show notes but he also has this amazing book Amplify Your Influence we're gonna get into that but I wanted to take a second this is why you need to listen to this guy and then we're gonna get into his story about how he let himself go and come back so this guy is very very versed and experienced I'm talking to you guys about
• 12:01
  on how to amplify your life. That was no pun intended, but it's true. So go back to why, if I'm a nurse and I'm listening to this podcast,
• 12:15
  Why do I care about influence and how do I gain influence? Now, you said why is to make you more happy, but how do they do it? Someone's listening to this going, Kelly, Renee, I'm not a social media influencer, which is 80 to 90% of the people that are listening to this. Why do they need this?
• 12:33
  Yeah, I agree with you. I'm glad you asked that question because I believe that influence is for every single person. And even as kids, we are constantly seeking for ways to speak, act, and behave in a way that we get more of what we want out of life. And I don't mean that it says, well, you just want to get what you want. It's not a selfish approach. It's a very normal look into life as saying, I want more. Most of us want to make more money.
• 12:58
  Most of us want to have a bigger impact with people. Most of us want to feel like we have influence at work. Like I can influence the direction of a meeting. I can influence the direction of the company.
• 13:11
  A lot of people will take less money for more influence. It's a really wild experience. And, you know, if you're a nurse, maybe you have an idea about the patient. Maybe you've spent more time with this patient and you think something, you got a gut feel. You may not be a doctor, but you sure have a lot of experience and at least you want to feel heard. And so how do you communicate in a way that makes you heard? Now, if you're a complainer,
• 13:33
  If you're a victim, no one listens to me. Like I knew this was happening. And if you're constantly spewing that toxicity, guess what? No one is going to listen to you. No one. But if, if you can learn to build trust with people and say, Hey, you know what? I'm not, I know I'm not a doctor. I said, but I go, you might want to take a look at this. This is what I saw, but I'll defer to you. And now there might be a way for the doctor not to feel like territorial, you know, and it depends, but a lot of those, those scenarios, the influence begins way before the, the ask, right?
• 14:02
  The influence begins in the relationship building. The influence begins in the trust building, in the relationship that happens so that when that time comes that you need it, when you speak, you have that foundation already created. Police officers are a great example. I work with them all the time. And think about this. And this is why I have so much empathy and respect for police officers. Imagine just doing a regular routine stop. You pull over a car, they're breaking the law in some way, shape or form. Now you have to approach this vehicle
• 14:33
  Do they have a gun? Are they going to run off? Are they going to stab me? Are they going to? I mean, all of those possibilities are very real in that scenario. Now, not as likely, but imagine just being in that mindset or being called to a domestic dispute. And two people are irate, maybe even got physical.
• 14:54
  How do they deescalate and influence both parties to be able to do that? They have to be so well versed in being able to manage their state of emotion and the state of emotion of others. And you also see the rage that happens in a car chase. If someone's evading you and you're chasing them down,
• 15:12
  There's an adrenaline that follows you when you get out of that car. How do they manage that moment to be able to calm back down and use reasonable force instead of going and taking it out? Because I know myself, as much as I know about this, if you did something wrong to me and I'm chasing you down and I catch you, there's that predatory instinct that you have to calm it down. So the endless uses, manufacturing sites, people that work at McDonald's, I don't care where you are.
• 15:40
  We feel better about life when we can influence our surroundings. Otherwise, you know, you talked about this, feeling sort of a slave to everybody else's plans. And there's no autonomy in that. One of my coaches calls it self-authority. Like, how much self-authority do you have? Man, you're speaking to my heart like we did when we first met. Is that the biggest...
• 16:04
  Mistake people make when they're trying to build influence is leading with the victim or the negative Nelly, which I'll call just your ego. You don't mean to. I'll catch myself doing it. Like somebody's...
• 16:19
  misery loves company yeah and it is like one of the easiest things like oh my god it's so cold here today or oh my god it's my back hurts the government's is bad you know it's so quick to come in that and and i want to tell you for those of you that follow me and renee
• 16:39
  It is a huge turnoff when you are healed. Like the, I was at a, a new year's party and I was around a group of people and they were victim, victim, victim. And they didn't mean to be, they were just commiserating together. And I ran to the other side of the room. Yeah.
• 16:56
  And everyone was like, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing. And I had to think about it because I'm so self-aware. I want to know, like, why is this happening to me? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I just walk up and just make fun conversation? And then it dawned on me because I went to a cigar bar the next day and another similar group of people were saying it.
• 17:20
  And what they were using, and I'll ask you this question too, because it just dawned on me. They were using the F word, every other word. And it simply turned me off. So how does emotional intelligence, and let me go back to the original question was, is that the biggest mistake people make is go down the misery? Because that's truly the victim.
• 17:43
  Your answer, actually what you said, answers both questions. And you gave the answer. So the number one mistake people make is a lack of self-awareness. And so if you think about it, for me to even know that I'm commiserating with negative stuff,
• 17:58
  My mentor, remember Tom Hopkins, if old school salespeople would remember Tom Hopkins. And, you know, he had us all practice this phrase, bad seed, bad seed. If somebody's being negative, they're talking about the government taxes. We just, in our heads, we go bad seed. I don't want that seed in my, right? And I just move away. And so you physically remove yourself from those conversations. I personally do not have the energy.
• 18:18
  to do that. I was working out with a workout partner and my trainer and they just started going down the spiral. And I looked, I finally got so sick of it after three days. I said, okay, guys, you've done nothing but talk about other people. I go, I don't have the energy for it. And somebody said that, you know, great minds talk about ideas, small minds talk about people. We've done nothing but do that. I said, so can we just, and they just looked at me like I was just
• 18:48
  I have limited space in my mind, limited. And I have had enough of that. I don't want any more of it. And finally, the next day they go, you know what? You're absolutely right. And as upset as they were at first, they came back and it helped them reassess who they wanted to be. But that if we don't have that self-awareness, how would we ever know? So that's the biggest skill. And I don't judge people or criticate them for not having self-awareness.
• 19:10
  It's just a learned skill. And it's actually chapter two of my book. It's such an important piece. It's also the number one skill in leadership. And to your point, when you talked about emotional intelligence, it's the cornerstone of emotional intelligence is how am I feeling?
• 19:24
  How am I impacting other people? Wow, that was kind of a mean thing to say. You know what? I'm a little upset right now. Let me take a different approach. You know, they're really upset right now. Let me take a different approach to help them better. And so when we talk about emotional intelligence, there's three things. First, it's self-awareness. How am I feeling? And how am I impacting others? Okay, second, how are the people I'm talking to, how are they feeling? Empathy. So you get self-awareness and then empathy. And then discipline. Empathy.
• 19:50
  to be able to take a different approach depending on the answer to the first two questions. And if I don't have different approaches, then I got to learn a few new disciplines. I got to learn a few new skills. If I don't even know how I'm feeling, I'm going to be stepping on people's toes. If I don't know how people are feeling, then I'm going to be stepping all over them without even knowing it. And so self-awareness, empathy, and discipline, those are the three skills. And you never hear that in speaking.
• 20:15
  If you think about it, you think, well, here's how you structure a story. Yeah, story is important. There's a lot of detail in storytelling. Not many people know how to tell a story arc. It's learnable, totally learnable in minutes, minutes. But if I teach you that story arc and you lack self-awareness, you're going to become just another noisemaker on stage.
• 20:35
  Noisemaker on stage, or Noisemaker in life. I want to go down that empathy. I never thought of that, but it happens. So if you're having a normal conversation, if you and I, like we started talking and we, the energy level just went up. Yeah.
• 20:49
  Not only today, but when I first met you, we just started amping it up, amping it up. And you were telling me your life story and how you when you gained all the weight and how you and I'm fired up and encouraging you. And I love it. And that brought us to Canada. So if you're in a situation where where people are talking about other people.
• 21:08
  Yes, you're connecting, but you're connecting and giving off the empathy that's coming off as negativity. Is that what you want to be around? So people, if you're around people talking about people, run. And I say it all the time. It drains my energy tank faster than anything. And if I catch myself doing it, I'm like, ooh, ooh. That's why I always tell you guys, peace. I need my peace. I need clarity to understand. And freedom.
• 21:38
  do, which is I don't hang out with negative Nellies. I don't focus on negativity and I cultivate this life of, of really it's become a soft life because it's my life's easy because I was so hard for years and I still am. My goal this year is to work out 500 times. How do you do that? Well, there's going to be twice a week. I'm going to work out every single day this year and a couple of days and many twice a day.
• 22:07
  That's big time, brother. I'm going to be 50 this year, bro. I got to be you. I got to be you. I'm trying to be you. And then people are going to say you're lucky. Yeah. A lot of people say that all the time. How many workouts did you do? Five? Why did 500? Okay. Well, here's your luck. You know, I've really changed my stance on that, where as soon as somebody is negative to me, I know that they're probably going to be a good person for our coaching program because they're paying attention.
• 22:35
  And they're watching and they're engaged. Yes, they're engaged negatively, but I don't meet them where they are. I try to bring them up. So, yeah. Well, yeah, I love that. That's what I think your heart shines through that is, you know, so many people would. And that's the piece where I agree. It's like, you know, I don't want bad seeds around me. Yet at the same time, those bad seeds are the ones that need the most help.
• 22:55
  And so how do we reach out to them in a way that isn't holier than thou? How do you extend an olive branch to those that maybe have just never been exposed to a new way of thinking? And so what I'll do, and if I really get down to it, and I'm not perfect with it, but I really liked what you said, is if somebody's going down that path, I'll offer three times a different avenue of conversation.
• 23:23
  And if at that third time they don't do it, I might remove myself. Now, I also am not the type of person that, you know, typically won't offer coaching unless it was asked of me. And so I'll go down that path. But if I can't help them or they don't want help, then it's really not something we can do. But if you can spark an interesting enough conversation,
• 23:46
  And that's why this really summed up with this. It's like saying, okay, going to social media and ranting about your political beliefs is not influence to me. It's not at all influence because all that does is achieve is attract people that already believe what you believe to say, yeah. And repel those that don't believe what you believe, which is you're repelling the ones you're actually trying to influence. And so people say, Renee, why don't you get political on social media? You have an audience. I'm like, because it's not the platform for it.
• 24:15
  It takes no skill to gather people who already believe what you believe. It takes no skill. But if I could spark an idea in the mind of the opposition
• 24:25
  If I can get somebody who doesn't believe what I believe to go, wait, hold on a second. I never thought about it that way. That's a skill that I'm interested in because that's where the gold is found. And that's where real change is. And go back to, and I got to remember this guy's name. He's an African-American gentleman that decided to go out and have coffee with members of the Ku Klux Klan and just listen to them.
• 24:48
  With curiosity. Yes. I mean, this guy is a hero in my opinion. He has converted hundreds of clan members over by just listening. And it is one of the most beautiful, I think, displays of courage and leadership and compassion and grace that I've ever seen. And when you see that happen, I mean, if you don't get emotional when you think about the power of that gentleman and who he is on the inside, you're...
• 25:16
  wow that's how i i aspire to be like that guy i want to reiterate what he just said it's not influence if you're if you're influencing people that already believe what you believe that is the problem with social media that is the puzzle with social media right now we tend to believe that everybody thinks like us because the algorithm keeps showing us the same people that agree with us because you're the actual
• 25:41
  consume, you're the product. They want to keep you on the social media platform. So you're not going to keep staying on it if you see, keep seeing people that disagree with you. So again, people, I, this is one thing I do and, and Renee will love this. I'm reading. I, I,
• 25:57
  I tend to lean a little more right in politics, but I try to be as middle as I can be. And how I do that, how I achieve that is I go and I watch on Election Day, I'll watch Fox and CNN and CNN and Fox. And I want to see what everybody is doing and what they're saying because I want different perspectives. Right.
• 26:20
  And on top of that, I'm reading right now Gretchen Whitmer's book. She's the governor of Michigan. I happen to have a house in Michigan. I don't agree with much of what she did during the pandemic, but I wanted to understand why she did it. So that's just a little trick that I use. So the producer, our boss,
• 26:39
  Brilliant producer. Our new producer, Steven just jumped in and said, Daryl Davis is the person that did this. He wrote a book too about it. I remember reading this and I don't remember the name of that either, but Daryl Davis, if you Google it guys, this is what putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and uncomfortable just means unfamiliar. And talk about the neuroscience of that. Renee, like,
• 27:04
  Why do we always want to stay where it's comfortable and easy? And I posted this morning, people want change more than they want to change. Why is that? If you were to ask me, whatever spent the most of my time and energy in is in a world of understanding change in the most difficult scenarios, right? And this is in manufacturing sites and hostile work environments, even personal change. And my study in neuroscience has been around that idea, why we resist change.
• 27:32
  So there's biological reasons, neurological reasons, emotional reasons, illogical reasons, right? There's a lot of sorts of things. There's evolutionary reasons. And this is where the conundrum happens as well. So one, we have, it's called biology. Let's go there first. We have homeostasis. The need for homeostasis, self-regulation. Part of our brain is designed for self-regulation. We breathe without...
• 27:58
  trying to breathe. We digest food without trying to digest food. We regulate our body temperature without any conscious effort. That's all done at the basal ganglia, the core of our brain. And
• 28:09
  That autonomic or automatic functioning is protected by our fight, flight, freeze response. So then we have the general adaptation syndrome, which is either fight for our lives, run for our lives, or freeze if you see a bear in the woods. But why? Why those three options? And the reason is because if your self-regulation doesn't happen, don't digest your food, beat your heart, you don't breathe, you die. Right?
• 28:32
  And so it's given three very powerful tools to protect us against that. And so now, then you have to dig a little deeper and say, okay, well, what triggers that flight, flight, freeze response? Because it makes sense if a bear is coming at me, but why does it happen in a conversation with my spouse? Why does that same response happen when I go on stage and I can't remember what I was going to say? Why does that happen if somebody gives me feedback and I just shut down and get defensive?
• 28:56
  Well, because what triggers that general adaptation syndrome is stress level, cortisol in the brain. And so then we go, ah, so the level of cortisol or stress that we experience on something will determine how our brain is functioning. Great. Well, then what does that mean? Well, we all...
• 29:12
  interpret stress very differently. I can't stand next to a ledge of a cliff because I feel like I'm going to jump and fall off. But you get Alex Honnold, who's a free soloist and climbs El Capitan in Yosemite without a rope 3000 plus feet. He experiences stress a little differently in that arena.
• 29:31
  Now I can go on stage and talk to 5,000 people and perfectly fine. Well, that's after years and years, almost 30 years of training, but somebody else might go out there and want to die. Why is it that I can, uh, uh, I, you know, I, people swim with sharks and they're just fine. Like it's all the tolerance of stress and that comes through training and exposure. It comes through your belief systems, the stories that you share with yourselves and
• 29:56
  There's all sorts of factors that go into that. And so when you look at the resistance to change, we all want change because we want life to get better. But if that stress level around the change behavior is too high, now your biology and neurology works against you to pull you back to homeostasis. Comfort is what it's seeking, unfortunately. It's not seeking discomfort. Now, there's new research that came out. We can get Nerd Out just a little bit further.
• 30:25
  around the part of the brain called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex. And so this specific part of the brain is found to be very large or larger in extreme athletes, people who work out all the time, military vets, fighters, right? People that do difficult things have a much larger anterior mid-cingulate cortex or AMCC. Those who are obese have a significantly smaller AMCC.
• 30:55
  But here's what's fascinating. When that person who is obese goes on a diet and starts to work out, that part of the brain literally begins to grow. So you can affect this part of the brain, make it smaller or larger,
• 31:09
  depending on if you choose to do difficult things. So what does all that mean? Well, what they're finding is that it's the part of your brain that the larger it is, the more your capacity for tenacity is. It makes you, the larger it is, the more tenacious you are. And so here's what's crazy. The opposite, this is what blew my mind. The opposite of tenacity, I was like, what is the opposite? It's apathy.
• 31:38
  And so when I was overweight and when I let myself go, I go back, I'm like, wow, I didn't have any tenaciousness during that time. I was just apathetic to the food that I was eating. I was just eating whatever made me happy in the moment. And that pursuit of happy, which I think is one of the worst pursuits ever. Like people say, why aren't you pursuing happiness? I said, because this is what, I show you pictures of me being 308 pounds, 45% body fat. I was happy eating everything I wanted to eat. I was happy skipping workouts. I was happy just laying on the couch.
• 32:08
  But it was happy in the moment is the key part, in the moment. But when I lost it all,
• 32:17
  I had to be tenacious. I had to be unhappy during the workouts. I had to be miserable with my diet so that I put on that suit in front of that room and I felt like a million bucks. And I'll tell you that million bucks feels way better than eating the other stuff. Now, that doesn't mean that all those cravings and habits aren't sitting there waiting for me if I get weak, but that's also part of the case for cold plunging
• 32:39
  heat exposure, extreme races, 75 hard, all those things grow that specific part of your brain so that when you are approached with unplanned difficulty, you're ready and much more prepared to approach that.
• 32:56
  Can somebody get a test on a CT or MRI to know if they have a large or small AMCC or is it like a... That is a good question. Like your subconscious. Yeah, I know. You can measure those things, obviously, for sure. You can see them. I don't know, but that's something I could look into. I don't know the exact way to, but there's...
• 33:17
  lots of different ways to do that. But I think the, for the normal person like us here, all I need to know is, and you know, this through experience, you skip a few workouts, it gets easier to skip the next one. You have a few bad meals, it's easier to have another bad meal. And, but when you get in a groove, it becomes the workouts become easier. At first they suck, but then they become easier. And so for the person who says they love cold plunging,
• 33:47
  It's not cold enough. The only way to grow it is you have to hate it. And most of it really cold punch hate it every single morning, but they do it anyways. And afterwards, they feel like a million bucks. So it's the feeling afterwards that we have to remember. And of course, if you do it enough, you start remembering that feeling and you start getting more ability and more increasing your will to live and your will to survive.
• 34:11
  So I'm going to disagree with a few things, but you're 10 times more. But I'm not normal. No, please do. This is a great – we're in a search for truth, so please do. I am not normal. I love – it is not easy for me to skip workouts. It is not easy for me to – I have built this gigantic AMCC that –
• 34:34
  The way I live my life is just, it's on autopilot. I think you're making the point though, because you have built yourself to be that way. You're living proof that when you spend, you do 500 workouts and you look like you've done several thousand workouts. You have built that momentum. That boulder is rolling down the hill. There's no stopping you. But at one point when you first started, it wasn't easy.
• 35:01
  No, as I make it look easy and I try to show people once you get that momentum going and it's it's the problem with this is negative momentum spirals and snowballs a lot faster than positive momentum.
• 35:18
  And that's what people think. There was a study that shows that it takes like three months to feel the effects of negativity versus six months to feel the effect of positivity. That's why it's so hard to stay on that positive momentum train. But my next book is going to be called Happier Than Life. And I'm chasing happiness. I don't want to get in the neuroscience. I want to be happy, but in from my core. Peace in my heart. And.
• 35:47
  Literally, peace is everything to me. If I'm peaceful, I'm happy.
• 35:50
  So let's talk about happy for a minute. Let's talk about happy. Because I think, so one of the things my mother never taught me, never to argue semantics or taste, right? Like your favorite color is red. That's a stupid color. It's also a stupid conversation. But semantics are the words that we use. So I'm hearing you use the word happy, but defining it in the same exact way that I would define true joy and fulfillment, right? And so of happy, when you look at happiness, it's really the secretion of dopamine in the brain.
• 36:19
  And happy is a very fleeting moment. But the precursor to happy and fulfilling things is suffering. Like you put yourself through the ringer in the gym. You make your body suffer every rep. I'm assuming if I were to watch you work out, you probably don't sweat at all. You're probably not making any noises. You probably use lightweight just to make it easier because it's a little...
• 36:46
  No, not at all. You destroy yourself in that gym and you suffer so that you get better. And there's something else that follows. Now, people don't understand the word suffering. Suffering's got a bad rap. You go back to the 13th century, even the movie The Passion of Christ. The reason that movie was so controversial is that because people thought they were talking about passion in a sexual context. And the true root word of passion is to suffer.
• 37:16
  And so back in the 13th century, it was given to all the martyrs, people who suffered and died for something they believed in. They suffered for something. Then you had the word compassion is to suffer with someone. I'm gonna suffer with you. I have compassion, I'm suffering with you. In the 16th century, now the words passion added a sexual connotation, passionate lovemaking. It added this pursuit of things that we love, pursue your passions.
• 37:43
  And it changed the real root word of what it was, which was to suffer for something. And so now we've put such a negative spin on suffering. Now there's unnecessary suffering, people that wallow in their own self-pity. That's different. That's not suffering for something. That's not passion. But suffering in the gym, reading the books that you do, putting yourself through the changes that you went through. I mean, you came back.
• 38:07
  from the depth, which is what makes you so good at what you do right now, because you've been in those dark places and you've gotten yourself out. I was overweight, got myself out. We've been to those dark places, but we had to suffer our way out of it. But at the end, there's this beauty that is there. There's something so magnificent. But but the thing I think where a lot of people make the mistake is thinking that the success of the things that we want are going to be easy. And I said, and this is what I tell people, since since when did easy become a metric that mattered in the pursuit of greatness?
• 38:38
  If it was easy, everybody would have it. And I'm not saying that this macho sort of tough guy approach to things, but I am saying that anything, if you want to be a doctor, you want to be a nurse, you want to be a cop, it's not easy to do those things. There's a barrier to entry, which is why it's reserved for the elite. And so now the elite is a choice. Am I willing to go through the paces?
• 39:04
  You know, I don't, I, I'm a strong dude. I don't have biceps like you do. Why have it? Well, it's genetic BS. You've done more curls than I have. You don't, you've put those muscles to more work. You've suffered longer and more consistently than I have. That's just truth. And guess what?
• 39:23
  I would follow the guy that's been down that path, though. I'm not going to follow the personal trainer that's overweight. I'm not going to follow the motivational speaker that can't get out of bed. I'm not going to follow the broke person on how to make money.
• 39:39
  They're just not. That's just not how it works. And that's when people are, it's like, there's a great meme that says, um, Lord, give me the courage of a, of a 25 year old life coach. It's, uh, there's not much life to coach on just yet. Now that doesn't mean that they don't have insights, but there's something to that. It's like me, like I'm going to do a workshop on the menstrual cycle and how women are doing it wrong. No, I should not do that. I don't, I've never had a menstrual cycle. I'm bald, but I'm going to do a workshop on how to grow hair.
• 40:08
  No, I'll learn from you instead. You have air, I don't. And so there's an idea that goes all those things of what's our lane, but to be able to develop a mastery and a success in something, you've spent years suffering in that, in suffering for it. And it's a beautiful word when we really understand what it comes from.
• 40:26
  Well, you make me feel much better about keeping the name Harder Than Life because, listen, I don't know why we keep choosing the hard way. We don't have to. Wise people learn from other people's mistakes. Smart people learn from their own mistakes, but wise people learn from other people's mistakes. You've said now significance, suffering. Is there a third thing to amplify your influence? Is there a third mantra to your brand?
• 40:56
  Well, that's a good question. You know, I think that those, you know, significance and suffering are core elements of the journey of life for sure. And I believe that understanding, you know, if we weren't to get so esoteric and philosophical for a minute, when it comes to influence, what are the skills, right? So let's add skill to that lesson. There's three S's. We just created three S's. We had suffering, significance, and skill.
• 41:23
  And the skills are around body language and the skills are around storytelling and framing and, uh, sequencing of how things work. There's another S we could talk about sequencing because there's a, there's a sequence to how the brain works. It's like, it's just like, you know, a padlock. You have to do the numbers in a certain sequence. Well, the brain is the same way. Like I'll give you a simple sequence, call them neural sequences, uh, empathy, transparency, and authority. Okay.
• 41:48
  Most people want to start with authority. I need you to do this. And we came up with this during the pandemic where CEOs were so upset, managers were so upset, people weren't coming back to work. And so they got so fed up, they started with authority. You know what? I'm fed up with this. We need to all get back to work. And nobody was listening. They were getting nothing but resistance. But if we had a little empathy and transparency prior to the authority, it changed the entire formula. And so instead of coming and saying, we need to get back to work, we'd teach leaders to say, okay, hold on a second.
• 42:17
  You know, everybody, I know right now is a crazy time. And I know people in this room right now have lost family members. And if you're like me, you're worried about some of our other family members getting this crazy, whatever you call it, COVID.
• 42:34
  I quite frankly have been petrified of this and I don't know when this is going to end. There's your transparency. But there's one thing that I do know for sure, authority, is that we have to show up for our customers. And for us to be able to do that, we need to get back in the office. I know it's scary. We're going to do all the precautions we need, but I need you guys back.
• 42:53
  And then empathy, transparency, authority, just that sequence unlocks the brain and makes people much more willing to hear an idea. And that's where influence comes in. Did I communicate in a way that captures your attention and gets you to act on what I say? And that's not about yelling and screaming. It's not about getting in your face. And sometimes, by the way, that needs to happen very rarely, but sometimes that needs to happen.
• 43:14
  that's a skill in the it's a club in the golf bag but some people that's the only club they have and that just you know if you're if all you have is a hammer everything has to be a nail for you to work and it's just not how life is renee you you're a remarkably likable person i i sit could sit here and talk to you i'm trying to get to talk about your book and i did the conversation just flowing i hope everybody's enjoying this as much as i am i literally my assistant's over here looking up every two seconds going
• 43:40
  What? What? What? It's just, I want to ask you another question, and then we're going to talk a little bit about the book. But big term right now is vulnerability. But you use transparency, and I like to use transparency in lieu of vulnerability. Do you have a take on that? Because everybody likes it. I want to be vulnerable. I want to be vulnerable. But I saw a meme. I think it was Jason Wilson. Was vulnerability is the ability to be attacked. Yeah.
• 44:09
  And transparency is saying the truth. Do you have a take on that? Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think they're two different things. And I'll give you an idea. So there's a lot to this. Vulnerability, when you really understand it, is one of the greatest superpowers there is, especially for a leader. But for a leader to be vulnerable, they need to understand that lions don't need to roar.
• 44:35
  A lion needs to just walk in a room and you know it's a freaking lion. You know it. Like you walk in a room and you see somebody like you, you go, okay, there's, that's a badass dude there. He takes care of himself. Like he knows what's up. But now you come in though and you start screaming and start roaring and talking about how tough you are. Any other lion in the room is going to go, hmm, what are they hiding?
• 44:59
  What are they so worried about? And it goes down. So we go, okay, so you get the person who thinks that the lack of vulnerability is strength. And I said, okay, let's test that out for a minute. Let's go back to the movies that we've seen. There's an army in front of it, and one person approaches, has no armor on, is standing there. Another person approaches that same army, is armored to the hilt. Who is stronger, more courageous?
• 45:28
  Now, simple answer is there. Now, some people say, well, he's stupid. He's not armored. I said, but hold on a second. I'm not saying he went to war. I'm saying they're so confident that they can stand there. And when we can go through things without having to defend ourselves, it is the ultimate strength. Now, you may punch me, you may hurt me. But if I'm not worried about that, if I'm not scared, that's a very different, or maybe I know other ways of defending myself that don't require armor.
• 45:55
  Maybe I know something else or maybe I have the words to diffuse the situation. But there is a strength in that vulnerability. But also, here's the thing. The ironic piece is leaders want their organizations to be more vulnerable. Now, transparency is a way to get to a means by which to get to vulnerability.
• 46:13
  Right. That's a means by which, but transparency is the act. Vulnerability is the outcome. And so if you think about it from that sense, and so we go, okay, sometimes my transparency is like, I'll be transparent. Yeah, I was overweight or yeah, I was, I was late. That's a vulnerable position to be in. But what a fast way for a leader to open up their entire organization. We know if we're going in a circle and we need the group to open up and we don't start with the leader, you will get zero vulnerability.
• 46:42
  But if we start with a leader, we've trained them right, and they tell a story, you'll get everyone to follow in the same suit. And so you want people to be vulnerable with you? You have to begin to be that way. We live in a you-go-first society. Hey, and I do this as one of my TED Talks. I open up this way, and I said, hey, I got this really difficult story I need to share. In fact, oh, man, it's just a...
• 47:04
  It's a hard one for me to really get through and share. But I feel like I need to be vulnerable with you. But before I do that, would you, sir, mind telling a vulnerable story first so I feel better? And he looks at me with eyes open and he's like, no. I'm like, I go, I'm just kidding. I said, but isn't it funny how we want everybody was ready to hear what I had to say.
• 47:25
  but nobody was willing to go first. And leaders don't wait for others to go first. They're the ones who go first. They're the ones. If you want vulnerability and transparency in your organization, begin being vulnerable and transparent. Now, the question then beckons,
• 47:41
  how much transparency should I have? How much vulnerability should I show? And the answer is an annoying one, but it's the truthful one. As much as necessary, but as little as needed as possible. And so we go, okay, let's break that crazy phrase down. As much as necessary, but as little as possible.
• 47:57
  Some people misinterpret that as being cryptic. No, I'm not saying that. What I'm referring to with as little as possible is some people oversell and overshare, and it's TMI. I don't need all of that. It's like saying, well, how much salt should I use? Do you like salt? They go, yeah. I say, why don't you unscrew the top and pour all of the salt on your food? Well, now it's intolerable. I can't eat. It's not consumable. All right, well, why use any salt at all? Well, then it's just bland and boring. Well, then through time, you learn just enough, as much as necessary, but as little as possible.
• 48:28
  in seasonings, as well as in life and vulnerability, as well as in storytelling, as selling. To know as much as necessary, you have to understand your objective. If I don't understand my objective, how do I know when to stop?
• 48:42
  And so there's so many levels to understanding these sort of skills, but it's still very attainable and just takes practice. You're remarkable. It's just, you're beautiful. I always say big hat, no cattle. The more you hear somebody back in, maybe less they have, if somebody has to tell you how great they are, they probably aren't great. And then they definitely don't get it. But I specifically want to point that back out. Transparency is the act and vulnerability is the outcome. Transparency is the act and vulnerability is the outcome. That's,
• 49:11
  If you don't take anything away from this, take that. Significant suffering skills. Sequence. What are the keys to moving forward? The person's made it. We're 50 minutes into this. They've made it this far. What's your key to moving forward in life? You know, there's an interesting take in the approach to how do you measure your progress? And, yeah.
• 49:35
  So many of us measure our progress through aspiration, meaning we look at the horizon, we look forward. And so many of us say, don't look back. I said, well, you got to have a balance of both. You got to have the aspiration of what's possible, but you have to have the baseline of looking back at where you started.
• 49:51
  Because if your only measure is the horizon, you will never reach it. Because the horizon is always the same distance from you to it. You can go for 10 years and you look forward and you feel like you haven't grown. But when you look back, you go, oh, wait a minute. I used to look like that. Wait a minute, I used to drive that. Wait, that's where we used to live. You go back to your childhood house, you go, this was this small. How did we fit? You have to have this measure of what's possible going forward.
• 50:19
  And then a sense of where did I begin? Because the only measure of progress is through looking backwards. It's where was I and where am I now? I'm sure you've read the book, The Gap and the Game, because that's what you just experienced. I have not yet. I've not yet, but I've heard people tell me that it's the same message. All of us measure the gap. How much more we have to go. I have 493 more workouts to do versus, ooh, I've got seven done already.
• 50:47
  So it's how far you've come versus how far you have to go. People, listen to what I'm about to tell you. Put a number on everything. That's what I would. So you notice I said 500 workouts. I believe that's how you measure everything. What you measure gets better. Put a number, not a, I want to be in the best shape of my life. I'm going to be 50 this year. I said, I want to be ripped at 50. Well, what does that mean?
• 51:12
  Yeah. Yeah. I'm already pretty ripped, but I said, you know what? If I get 500 workouts in, I know I'm going to be in great shape. So I have professional numbers in place. We have podcast numbers that we have, that we're going to hit. We have a book that we're going to, so we, everything has a number. So that's my recommendation. Do you want to add to that?
• 51:36
  I think it's as simple as what you just said, brother. It's hard to improve on something like that, that fundamental. It's the truth is what you measure does, does grow and it does improve. And if you're not looking at it, it's there. And what I love is that you took it from this vague sort of dream and you made it a tangible pursuit with that number. And yeah, it's, that's a, that's, I mean, dude, you can't improve much on what you said there. That was beautiful.
• 52:02
  Well, I'll take it a step further. A lot of people want to be rich and famous, but how do you get – what are the steps that you break down to get there? Because we're going to – this is what we're going to go into. We've gone all this way, and I wanted to talk about your book. You wrote this amazing bestselling book in 2022. It's a business book, what people don't realize. And if you use everything that he just said that we discussed –
• 52:26
  You will make more money in life. And we all want to make more money because making more money equates to more opportunities, guys. It just does. You can help more people. And I say a thousand times, money won't make you happy, but happiness will make you money. And what he just broke down in this whole podcast was how to make you happy.
• 52:46
  be significant, unfortunately some suffering, and acquire the skills for change. We're going to talk about amplifying your influence, but I want to talk about something else too real quick. I read, reread for like the 50th time, The Four Agreements. And I picked up a part of the book that I'd missed in the other previous 49 times of reading it. And it was about how quickly we go in to defend ourself even when we're wrong.
• 53:14
  So for me, I take a sacred pause. You could look at me and say, Kelly, you should be eating more. And I'm going to immediately say, what are you crazy? I'm doing everything I can do. And even before I let it, I always recommend taking a sacred pause between somebody telling you something and you responding. What's your go-to? And then we're going to end this podcast about the book because I think it's an absolutely fantastic book. So what's your go-to?
• 53:43
  I love your sacred pause idea. I think that, you know, that shows the emotional intelligence and the impulse control, which, God, man, if I have struggled with one thing in my life is impulse control. And it is brutal because in the moment it feels so right and it feels like the best thing to do.
• 54:08
  whether it's to buy something, to go somewhere, to eat something, to, you know, that's where it's an ADD response, which is why I have this book. How do ADD? I mean, it is so many different elements when it comes to impulse, but I mean, if, if there's one skill to master that will solve almost every aspect of your life, it is your ability to control your impulse, which is another way of saying delay gratification.
• 54:35
  Like you know that one workout's not going to do anything to you, but it's the combination of hundreds if not thousands of them that change your life. But isn't that true for everything? It's not the one donut you say no to, but it's the hundreds that you said no to that accumulate over time. It's not the one negative conversation, but it's the hundreds that accumulate in your mind and start creating narratives and the narratives that construct your reality. And so people wonder, why do you focus on the little things? Because they add up. They add up over time.
• 55:05
  So I'm totally with you on that. I believe that negativity has a bigger influence. So I'll use gambling, for instance. I used to gamble in NFL, and the losses were so much lower than the wins. So I wouldn't get as much joy out of the wins as I got sadness out of the negativity.
• 55:30
  And that's true in life. Yeah. It is important to me. It's not also, it is what you do, but it's what you don't do that will make you the next level. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't cheat on my girlfriend. Those things create chaos in your life that create collateral damage that affect everybody. So it's very important.
• 55:53
  of what your list of don'ts versus as opposed to what you do do is important but don'ts are very important if you stick to them
• 56:03
  So what inspired you to write the Amplify Your Influence? I've always wanted to write a book, but when Wiley approached us and approached me and said, we saw you speak and we've read your articles, you're a good speaker and writer. So they said, we want you to write this book. And it was the culmination of saying, what is it that I believe the most right now? What is it that is really affecting my life? Where is it that I can make the biggest impact?
• 56:27
  It truly was this journey through sales, through change management, through leadership. All of that came back to one, and communication came back to one word, which was influence. And that was the word that I had the most passion around and really where I'd spent the most time studying. And so that was me saying, okay, I want to take a very different approach to this where we can start with anyone. I want to be able to talk to a doctor all the way down to somebody who can barely read and write.
• 56:53
  I want them to be able to find value and ability to implement these things. It's always been a criteria. Do I know it well enough that I can explain it to anyone? And if I can do that, then I'm qualified to talk about it. And so that was sort of the inspiration. I said, I wanted people to, and I talk about police officers and nurses and doctors and salespeople, leaders, it doesn't matter the industry. This is universal to everyone.
• 57:16
  So guys, as a part of the Heart of the Life coaching program, I ask everybody to read a minimum of 10 pages a day. Guys, this is a free education. And if you have Amazon Prime, you can go and download and listen to the e-book for free. So...
• 57:36
  go download this book, read this book, buy this book. It will make you money. I read my goal this year is 50 books. It's a lofty goal, but I want to read 50. And I'm already behind because I get exhausted. But it is, I don't watch much TV. I read. I want to expand my mind. So that is a cheat code. Go get this. Also, I,
• 58:01
  Where's the website? I don't have the... Do you have a website? I know you do. Yeah, meetrenee.com. M-E-E-T. Like, nice to meet you. Meet Renee, R-E-N-E. One E, not two. Meetrenee.com. And he has these courses that we talked about
• 58:16
  called amplify there every month, right? And they're so in demand that I tried to go to what we couldn't find a time, but tell about that. Let's, let's wrap it up with telling us about what people get and why they should do it. Cause I'm going to get my butt out there and you're, you're going to hate me cause I'm not going to leave. It'll get along just fine. No. So amplify is the, the, the workshop happened before the book, right? I'd been doing this workshop for 15 years.
• 58:43
  It's really the workshops and expression of my journey into influence and speaking and communication. And so I take people on a condensed version. It's two and a half days. So it's very intense. It's a bootcamp style. But when I say bootcamp, you're not running around, but you're, I'm going to be running around in your mind.
• 59:00
  in your heart and your soul. And we put you in front of the room many times. So, you know, if you're going into the military and needed to learn how to shoot a gun, you're not going to go into a comfortable room with air conditioning to learn how to deal with people talking nicely to you. You're going to learn the basic skills first. Then you're going to put those skills to test in very stressful environments. Why? So that when you actually have to go to war, it's not your first time. And so the same is true in speaking. You have to learn these skills under the same stress level that you'll need to perform. And that's why people say, can you do this just one-on-one?
• 59:30
  I go, great, we'll go in front of a mirror, one-on-one, then I'll put you in front of a thousand people, and you've never felt that level of cortisol running through your veins and your brain,
• 59:38
  And you won't remember what's going on because your limbic system will shut down. You're going to go into that general adaptation syndrome where fight, flight, freeze, where you don't have access to your limbic system, which is the gateway to long-term memory. And they go, so we need to learn under uncomfortable environments. And don't worry, I'll make it safe. And yes, it will be uncomfortable, but it'll be fun because we follow the same approach. We make it fun. We make it engaging. You're doing it in a group of people that are highly comfortable.
• 1:00:04
  highly committed to their success and yours it's a group effort done it's an individual journey done as a group and so it's uh it's very very powerful but the transformations are are really what drive me every day correct me if i'm wrong they're done at your house in arizona uh minnesota yeah minnesota it's warm there right now yeah are you an nfl fan
• 1:00:28
  uh we lost pretty bad last night i'm i'm not but my my my my uh my stepson is a massive fan so he's pulling me into it yeah we're in detroit so uh yeah we that's such a good it's such a good spanked us twice
• 1:00:42
  Guys, it's such a good story. Want to talk about leadership? Dan Campbell. We've got 22 people on the injured list. And this guy said the next day on talk radio, the whole city was deflated after the Buffalo Bills loss. And Dan Campbell said, guys, we're going to win.
• 1:00:59
  I don't care if it's by one. And he willed us. And all of a sudden, they just started winning again. And they put a butt whooping on Minnesota. And what does he do? Strolls right over, says, hey, I'll see you in two weeks. Like, cockiest, confident, most personal guy. Because he knows they're going to go out and beat L.A. and come back. So it's hard to beat somebody three times with that guy. If anybody can do what he can do. He's a master class at basketball.
• 1:01:24
  getting people to believe in themselves isn't that what leadership is about though that's a beautiful example
• 1:01:31
  Yes. And Renee, I just, I love talking to you. You were something about you. I don't know if it's you have that right mixture of big brains, but dumbing it down for people like me. So I really appreciated this. And I want to ask you one last question. It's it's, it's, is there anything I haven't asked you that you feel compelled to share all of your content? Should be in the show notes. We're going to blast this everywhere. And I promise you I'm coming out, but I,
• 1:02:00
  And you have a new friend in me. You know that. So if there's anything I can do for you, the answer is heck yes. But leave the audience with your final thoughts. Well, one, thank you for having me on the show. And I appreciate your kind words. And the feeling is mutual, my friend. The world is better with people like you around and challenging us and also being an example of what we want to be. And that's where I think you win the hearts and minds of people is that what you're talking to us about are things that you're doing. You are a coach, but you are...
• 1:02:29
  more coachable than most people I've ever met. And so that's the ability to lead. The leadership is important, but so is followership. We all have to have both of those skills. And you embody all of those elements. You are the epitome of what we should be learning from. You've been in the highs. You've been in the lows. You navigate all of those things. And so for me, it was an honor to be on here. And for those that follow and work with you, bravo. You're on the right track.
• 1:02:55
  And so thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about my passion, my heart, my soul. And it's the beginning of a long, good relationship. Final thoughts? The last little nugget was what you want to leave them with? I'll say this. Remember that everything you hear in these podcasts, the things that you're going to hear Kelly talk about, me talk about, the feeling you get and the excitement you get, that is the anticipation of reward. That's dopamine. It's a great feeling.
• 1:03:24
  You have to be ready for when that feeling dies down. You have to keep the vision of what you have as possible because the vision is what creates the anticipation. The anticipation creates the dopamine. The dopamine is a cheerleader through the difficulty and the change and the resistance. Keep that vision clear. Keep it in your mind. Surround yourself with people that will remind you even when you can't. That is the importance of having partners, people around you, people that support you.
• 1:03:50
  Be mindful, be mindful of what you allow into your brain, into your ears. Protect those little moments. But don't do it from a place that you're better than them. Do it from a place of compassion. Do it from a place of discipline. But make your mark and go after it with everything you've got.
• 1:04:04
  I'm just going to add one thing to that absolutely beautiful piece is repeat it, repeat it, and repeat it again. Because it's the times when it's cold and you don't feel like doing it. And the mind doesn't know any better that it's not actually happening. So keep repeating it. And it'll eventually be. There's a saying, I'll believe it when I see it. No, I'll see it when I believe it.
• 1:04:30
  I love you, man. Appreciate you. Thanks for coming on. You've been a freaking spectacular first guest. And look for this thing to blow up. Appreciate you. Appreciate you, brother. Thank you.
• 1:04:40
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.