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The "Tooth" Hurts: Piranha is Good - Xenomania 34 · Xenomania

• 0:15
  Kearns: Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the bayou?
• 0:19
  Ryan: The Bayou
• 0:20
  talk about resorts.
• 0:21
  Is it safe to go to Resorts Lakes anywhere?
• 0:25
  I just got off watching Jaws, and this does not help my situation
• 0:29
  of wanting to go in the water,
• 0:30
  Kearns: the best part is that it opens with them jumping into
• 0:34
  like a sewage treatment, plants waiting pool or something.
• 0:37
  It's ridiculous.
• 0:39
  Ryan: was clear.
• 0:40
  Jon: site.
• 0:41
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 0:41
  A military test site, which is even better,
• 0:45
  Ryan: The water was clear.
• 0:47
  The water was warm.
• 0:48
  It was nice, it was comfortable.
• 0:51
  They had every reason.
• 0:52
  Kearns: It looked kind of green, didn't it?
• 0:55
  Jon: A little bit, a bit.
• 0:57
  Kearns: Kind of green, although I can usually gauge like Ryan
• 0:59
  just earned some extra stock.
• 1:01
  And I can usually, like, my, my opinion of somebody goes up when they'll jump
• 1:07
  into, you know, various different types of reservoirs and whatnot and not be scared.
• 1:14
  Jon: No
• 1:14
  Kearns: good, good on you,
• 1:15
  Jon: thank you.
• 1:16
  Ryan: I am not afraid.
• 1:17
  I mean, you know, that's what you do.
• 1:20
  You go swimming, you have fun.
• 1:22
  But when you see these movies, you kinda gotta take a break for a while,
• 1:26
  maybe jump in a pool 'cause you don't know what the hell's gonna happen.
• 1:30
  Especially in this movie.
• 1:31
  This Oh hell Breaks loose.
• 1:33
  Kearns: there's a little fish that swims up your pee hole
• 1:36
  Jon: I can.
• 1:36
  Ryan: That's in the sequel.
• 1:38
  Jon: I can tell you what happens in every single body of water.
• 1:43
  Somebody uses it as a toilet,
• 1:47
  Ryan: Oh yeah.
• 1:48
  Jon: a pool and some kids, or a lake or the ocean, which, which are fish toilets.
• 1:56
  Kearns: Well, and also
• 1:57
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 1:58
  Kearns: Just go to the Jersey
• 2:00
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 2:00
  Kearns: what, what are those big pipes?
• 2:02
  Jon: D, don't even get me started on how fish fertilize X.
• 2:07
  Kearns: I don't want, I don't know if the listeners are ready for that.
• 2:10
  Ryan: No.
• 2:10
  Kearns: two girls, one cup kind of fish,
• 2:13
  Ryan: God.
• 2:14
  Kearns: for this
• 2:14
  Jon: Yep.
• 2:16
  Yep.
• 2:17
  Why do
• 2:17
  Ryan: Oh,
• 2:18
  Jon: oceans are so salty?
• 2:19
  Ryan: that's, oh, there's the two images I didn't want to picture tonight.
• 2:24
  Kearns: so much.
• 2:26
  Ryan: Oh.
• 2:26
  Jon: So if you haven't guessed, tonight's episode is Piranha
• 2:30
  Ryan: the 1978.
• 2:32
  I was gonna say that's important.
• 2:34
  Or 3D.
• 2:36
  Kearns: or,
• 2:36
  Jon: Yeah.
• 2:37
  Kearns: of those.
• 2:37
  Jon: Not,
• 2:38
  Kearns: is the one that was actually like a
• 2:40
  Jon: mm-hmm.
• 2:40
  Ryan: Yes.
• 2:41
  Jon: Not the ones that were just excuses to show lots and lots of boobs.
• 2:45
  Ryan: Mm-hmm.
• 2:45
  Kearns: Which,
• 2:46
  Ryan: In 3D.
• 2:49
  In 3D,
• 2:50
  Kearns: yeah.
• 2:51
  3D
• 2:52
  Ryan: but
• 2:52
  Kearns: 1
• 2:53
  Ryan: also that's not the only remake it created or spawned.
• 2:57
  We can say they had a remake in 1995 as well.
• 3:00
  I think it was a made for TV movie, if I'm not mistaken, right.
• 3:04
  Probably a
• 3:05
  Kearns: Oh,
• 3:05
  Jon: one.
• 3:06
  Yeah.
• 3:06
  Ryan: Yep.
• 3:07
  Sci-fi of course.
• 3:09
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 3:09
  Ryan: Which was
• 3:10
  It was tamed compared to the the original and the remakes heavily
• 3:15
  tamed, and I think that's why it gets forgotten a lot, to be honest.
• 3:20
  Jon: Yeah.
• 3:20
  Kearns: Oh, before we get too crazy, don't we have a, opening segment,
• 3:24
  John, for you to torture me with?
• 3:26
  Jon: We sure do.
• 3:26
  We have a brand new game to play tonight.
• 3:29
  Kearns: Oh boy.
• 3:30
  Oh boy.
• 3:31
  Jon: I will call this game real or fake movie, the Roger Corman edition.
• 3:39
  Kearns: The Roger Corman
• 3:40
  Ryan: I am ready.
• 3:41
  Jon: So I'm gonna give you 10 movie titles with brief descriptions, and you're gonna
• 3:47
  tell me if that is a real Roger Corman movie or a fake Roger Corman movie.
• 3:54
  Kearns: Okay,
• 3:54
  Jon: All right, so we're going,
• 3:57
  Kearns: up.
• 3:57
  So you know we're not Googling.
• 3:58
  Jon: yep.
• 3:59
  Hands up.
• 4:02
  Yep.
• 4:03
  good.
• 4:03
  Kearns: To rock and roll.
• 4:06
  Roger Corman, real or
• 4:08
  Jon: real or fake, Roger Corman movies.
• 4:11
  Ryan: Ah, this is gonna be hard.
• 4:14
  Jon: death Sport.
• 4:16
  In the future, a man must battle to the death on Destructo Cycles
• 4:21
  to save himself and his village.
• 4:24
  that real or fake?
• 4:26
  Kearns: I feel like I should just send these answers to you through the chat.
• 4:30
  I don't wanna give, give away my opinion.
• 4:33
  Ryan: Oh, I, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say real, and I might be getting
• 4:39
  titles mixed up, but I'm gonna say real 'cause the description I've heard.
• 4:43
  Kearns: Charlie Bronson movie?
• 4:44
  Ryan: I've, I've heard, I've heard the description before
• 4:47
  and it's a Roger Corman film.
• 4:49
  That's why I am like, I might be,
• 4:53
  Kearns: I am gonna go with real as well.
• 4:55
  Jon: are both correct.
• 4:58
  Kearns: right.
• 4:59
  Ryan: it was called Battle Bowl for some reason.
• 5:01
  That's why I was so nervous.
• 5:03
  I was like, I know this movie.
• 5:04
  Kearns: we were getting descriptions too.
• 5:06
  That that significantly puts me at a disadvantage.
• 5:09
  Jon: Well, we'll see.
• 5:11
  All right.
• 5:11
  Movie number two, Cobra Gator.
• 5:16
  Kearns: Oh, sweet.
• 5:17
  Jon: A genetically engineered alligator.
• 5:19
  Cobra Escapes and terrorizes everyone in its path.
• 5:23
  Kearns: Big.
• 5:24
  Ryan: Real.
• 5:25
  Jon: It is a real movie.
• 5:27
  Kearns: Nice,
• 5:29
  Ryan: Yes.
• 5:30
  Kearns: wanted it to be real.
• 5:31
  Oh,
• 5:33
  Ryan: I remember Cobra Gator at Suncoast and VHS.
• 5:37
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 5:38
  Kearns: sun.
• 5:39
  Ryan: Yep.
• 5:39
  Jon: All right, movie number three, battle Nun, 3000.
• 5:46
  In a futuristic dystopia, sister Margaret must defend her
• 5:51
  orphanage from Mutated Candles.
• 5:53
  I,
• 5:55
  Kearns: I mean it's, if it's not real, it needs to be
• 5:58
  Ryan: needs to be real.
• 5:59
  It's like the machete, like fake trailer.
• 6:02
  I want a fake trailer for this.
• 6:03
  All right.
• 6:05
  Kearns: He did
• 6:05
  Jon: there might be a real one.
• 6:07
  Kearns: Two reels in a row would be very, John.
• 6:09
  For this to be real, is like the multiple choice and you've answered C too many
• 6:15
  times and you're like, damnit, Hmm.
• 6:18
  Ryan: You can't say anything about that.
• 6:19
  I said C for a whole math test and got a hundred and it was a
• 6:23
  final They, and they realized.
• 6:25
  Kearns: a
• 6:25
  Ryan: They realized they messed up.
• 6:27
  It was great.
• 6:28
  They were like, that wasn't supposed to be, but I'm gonna say fake.
• 6:33
  He got me on fake.
• 6:34
  Kearns: going to say real
• 6:37
  Jon: Oh, it is fake.
• 6:38
  Kearns: aw, that's OO two baby.
• 6:40
  Well,
• 6:41
  Jon: One, one for three.
• 6:43
  Movie number four.
• 6:45
  Virtually heroes.
• 6:48
  Two self, two self-aware characters in a first person shooter come
• 6:54
  to grips with their existence.
• 6:56
  Ryan: Fake.
• 6:58
  Kearns: Are these all real?
• 6:59
  You're such a
• 7:00
  Ryan: That's real.
• 7:01
  Jon: That is a real movie.
• 7:03
  Ryan: When did,
• 7:04
  Kearns: figured out the frigging gimmick on this one
• 7:06
  Ryan: when?
• 7:06
  When did this come out?
• 7:08
  That movie?
• 7:08
  I'm curious.
• 7:09
  Jon: I didn't take dates, but it's,
• 7:11
  Ryan: Okay.
• 7:11
  Jon: the last 15 or so years because the, description includes that
• 7:16
  their Call of Duty type characters,
• 7:19
  Ryan: All right.
• 7:20
  I wouldn't think Roger Corman would jump into that realm, but like,
• 7:24
  okay, now I have to like, yeah,
• 7:27
  Jon: into
• 7:27
  Ryan: he's into everything.
• 7:28
  Jon: realms.
• 7:29
  All right.
• 7:30
  Kearns: anymore.
• 7:31
  Jon: Movie number five, the halfway point.
• 7:35
  Chrome Angels, a vicious and deadly all female biker gang invades
• 7:42
  a small town sheriff Christine Hatcher must fight them off.
• 7:48
  Ryan: That's real.
• 7:50
  That sounds very corman.
• 7:53
  Jon: It is fake.
• 7:55
  Ryan: That sounded so corman though.
• 7:59
  Just the whole,
• 7:59
  Kearns: what John was working on so hard today.
• 8:01
  Jon: I, I wanted so.
• 8:03
  I'll give you a little behind the, the scenes on this one.
• 8:06
  I chat e pt, the titles, but the
• 8:09
  Ryan: okay,
• 8:10
  Jon: are all mine.
• 8:11
  Baby
• 8:11
  Ryan: fair,
• 8:12
  Kearns: Nice.
• 8:13
  Ryan: I like that.
• 8:14
  Kearns: more of these are there?
• 8:15
  Jon: halfway.
• 8:16
  Ryan: Halfway five more.
• 8:17
  You're catching up.
• 8:18
  Kearns: I got a shot.
• 8:19
  Jon: It's three, two.
• 8:21
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 8:22
  Jon: movie number six, Macon County Jail.
• 8:26
  A wrongfully imprisoned woman is assisted in an escape by another inmate.
• 8:32
  Ryan: Sounds ai.
• 8:33
  I am gonna go fake.
• 8:35
  Jon: It is real.
• 8:38
  Kearns: Yes.
• 8:39
  Yes.
• 8:40
  Jon: It's three.
• 8:40
  Three.
• 8:42
  Kearns: Woo.
• 8:43
  All right, Ryan.
• 8:45
  Jon: All right.
• 8:45
  Kearns: right, Ryan.
• 8:46
  He's still gonna win, but it was nice to get back into
• 8:49
  Jon: I don't know.
• 8:50
  The next few are tricky.
• 8:53
  Movie seven.
• 8:54
  The Savage Sisters of Blood Alley
• 8:57
  Kearns: Oh, sweet title.
• 8:58
  Jon: Twin Sisters Theresa and Lucy go on a brutal vengeance quest after the murder of
• 9:04
  their family by a greedy land developer.
• 9:07
  Kearns: Hmm.
• 9:08
  Ryan: I am like, I'm like crying.
• 9:11
  I don't know.
• 9:15
  I'll go, I'm gonna go fake.
• 9:19
  I'm going fake
• 9:21
  Jon: oh, it is fake.
• 9:23
  Kearns: damn Ryan's back on the leaderboard.
• 9:26
  I
• 9:27
  Jon: All right, movie eight
• 9:28
  Kearns: Oh,
• 9:28
  Jon: Sorority of the serpent people.
• 9:32
  Kearns: ooh.
• 9:33
  Jon: There's something wrong with the girls of Beta Omega.
• 9:36
  Omega beta behind beautiful facades, lurks humanoid snakes that feast on frat boys.
• 9:45
  Kearns: I want you to have written that.
• 9:47
  So I'm gonna say fake.
• 9:49
  I really want you to have written that description.
• 9:52
  Ryan: real.
• 9:53
  Jon: It is fake.
• 9:55
  And there, there is a dead giveaway in there.
• 9:58
  Ryan: What was the dead giveaway?
• 10:00
  Kearns: Yeah, boob.
• 10:02
  The sorority.
• 10:02
  Boob.
• 10:03
  Jon: I, spelled out boob with the sorority name.
• 10:06
  Kearns: beta omega.
• 10:07
  Omega beta.
• 10:12
  Jon: I was really proud of that one.
• 10:16
  All right,
• 10:16
  Kearns: as you should be.
• 10:18
  Jon: movie nine, Saigon Commandos.
• 10:22
  Kearns: Oh.
• 10:23
  Jon: An ex Green Beret and his mps must solve a string of drug
• 10:28
  related murders before the murders get pinned on the Green Beret.
• 10:35
  Kearns: What year was Actually, we can't ask that
• 10:37
  Jon: I don't have, I didn't write years for any of them, so
• 10:40
  Kearns: during the Delta Force era, I would say real,
• 10:47
  it feels fake.
• 10:48
  I'm gonna say fake as well.
• 10:49
  Jon: it's real.
• 10:50
  Kearns: Damn.
• 10:51
  I should have gone with my gut.
• 10:52
  Jon: I, I just want you guys to know before we do number
• 10:56
  10, Allison smoked both of you.
• 11:00
  Kearns: oh, well obviously she's smarter
• 11:02
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 11:03
  Jon: She had nine outta 10.
• 11:05
  Kearns: Dang
• 11:06
  Jon: Yeah.
• 11:07
  Ryan: kudos.
• 11:09
  Kudos.
• 11:09
  Jon: that it was gonna be too easy.
• 11:12
  Kearns: No, you, you overestimated
• 11:15
  Ryan: Yes, you did.
• 11:16
  Jon: Our last movie, blood Swamp of the Flesh, leeches.
• 11:21
  Toxic chemicals leak into a swamp causing the leeches to
• 11:25
  mutate and become aggressive.
• 11:28
  Karen Landon and her assistant, mark must find a way to reverse the effects.
• 11:35
  Kearns: So, Ryan, whatever you choose for this, I'm gonna do the
• 11:37
  opposite so we have a clear winner.
• 11:40
  really, this all hinges on you now.
• 11:43
  No pressure.
• 11:45
  Ryan: Can we, can we phone in a friend?
• 11:47
  No.
• 11:47
  All.
• 11:48
  Kearns: Yeah, sure.
• 11:48
  Call Rob
• 11:51
  Ryan: He, he would answer and he'd be, nah, I'm not, I wouldn't take the chance.
• 11:56
  Sorry Rob.
• 11:57
  It was real.
• 11:58
  Sorry, Ryan.
• 12:00
  Kearns: A call.
• 12:00
  Ryan: I'm gonna go I'm gonna go real real.
• 12:03
  Jon: So you're going fake Kerns.
• 12:06
  Kearns: I have to by
• 12:08
  Ryan: You, you don't have to.
• 12:10
  Jon: It is fake.
• 12:13
  Ryan: There you go.
• 12:14
  Jon: Kerns,
• 12:15
  Ryan: sounded,
• 12:15
  Jon: it takes this round five.
• 12:17
  Four.
• 12:17
  Kearns: I'll, I'll tell.
• 12:18
  That was my spite skill.
• 12:20
  Ryan: that sounded, it sounded good though.
• 12:23
  A lot, a
• 12:23
  Kearns: did sound
• 12:24
  Ryan: lot,
• 12:24
  Kearns: a hundred percent You were gonna win that?
• 12:26
  Ryan: a lot of your synopsis were very true to the Roger Corman, like synopsis.
• 12:32
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 12:33
  Ryan: even like with your boob reference, that is a very Roger Corman thing as well.
• 12:38
  Like,
• 12:39
  Jon: sure.
• 12:39
  Ryan: so like, it was like, what's real, what's fake?
• 12:44
  I, that was good.
• 12:46
  Kearns: Mm-hmm.
• 12:48
  Ryan: Get you in the next one.
• 12:49
  Jon: was a
• 12:49
  Ryan: Make fly,
• 12:50
  Kearns: I, yes, you will make fly.
• 12:53
  Biff, leave me a
• 12:55
  Ryan: make, make like a tree and get outta here.
• 12:58
  Kearns: get the F outta here.
• 12:58
  That's another, that's probably my favorite line in Boondock Saints too,
• 13:02
  Ryan: That's a good,
• 13:03
  Kearns: if you remember the bartender.
• 13:05
  Jon: yeah.
• 13:07
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 13:08
  Good stuff.
• 13:09
  Ryan: forgetting.
• 13:09
  Kearns: so we,
• 13:10
  Ryan: Oh,
• 13:10
  Kearns: hmm.
• 13:11
  Ryan: I was, no, let's not.
• 13:13
  I will go into a Boondock Scene kick.
• 13:14
  Let's go into Piranha.
• 13:16
  The Italian guy.
• 13:16
  That was the greatest though, in the film and,
• 13:19
  Kearns: Oh
• 13:19
  Ryan: and, and their father and their fa
• 13:23
  Kearns: Is it dead when he shoots the cat?
• 13:24
  Is it dead?
• 13:25
  That's probably the best part of the movie too.
• 13:27
  There's two best parts.
• 13:28
  All right, so we're
• 13:29
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 13:30
  Jon: We are
• 13:30
  Ryan: we are.
• 13:30
  Jon: Piana.
• 13:31
  Kearns: another seventies horror
• 13:33
  Jon: Yep.
• 13:34
  Ryan: 1978.
• 13:35
  And it's directed by Joe Dante, who also directed the Howling inner
• 13:41
  Space, the Burbs, small Soldiers, Looney Tunes back in Action.
• 13:47
  Kearns: Wow.
• 13:48
  Ryan: Some mass
• 13:49
  Kearns: spread
• 13:49
  Ryan: episodes of Masters of Horror, including Homecoming and
• 13:54
  the Kufi Solution, as well as Police Squad and Hawaii five.
• 14:00
  Oh,
• 14:01
  Jon: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Ryan: just,
• 14:02
  Kearns: Squad.
• 14:03
  Ryan: this is a man who kind of went all over the trade and did every genre.
• 14:09
  And that's, I I always said, like, in this industry, you have to know every genre.
• 14:15
  You should be a part of, every genre, even if you focus on one for your
• 14:19
  career, have a taste in everything so you can experience everything.
• 14:23
  Woo.
• 14:24
  Jon: Yep.
• 14:25
  Ah, he's, you, you left out a Joe Dante movie though.
• 14:31
  Ryan: I was saving it for you.
• 14:32
  Big guy.
• 14:33
  Kearns: Oh, nice.
• 14:34
  Jon: Gremlins.
• 14:36
  Ryan: Yes, sir.
• 14:37
  Kearns: I can't, I always have the theme in my head, but I can never replicate
• 14:40
  Jon: Yeah.
• 14:43
  Kearns: Yeah, there it is.
• 14:45
  Jon: Which by the way, there is a Gremlins three script awaiting
• 14:49
  Steven Spielberg's approve.
• 14:52
  Ryan: And it looks,
• 14:52
  Kearns: be epic.
• 14:53
  Ryan: it's good.
• 14:55
  I've heard rumblings.
• 14:56
  It's good.
• 14:57
  And listen, we're getting a sequel to the Goonies with the
• 15:01
  original cast besides you know,
• 15:05
  Jon: the
• 15:05
  Is gonna be rough on that.
• 15:08
  Kearns: There's a lot of, well, aren't two of them dead?
• 15:10
  Ryan: acting or looking wise,
• 15:11
  Kearns: quarries?
• 15:12
  Right.
• 15:12
  Aren't both quarries
• 15:13
  Jon: No, Corey Feldman is alive.
• 15:15
  Kearns: Oh, that's unfortunate.
• 15:17
  Ryan: long as
• 15:17
  Jon: is.
• 15:18
  Feldman has been touring with Limp Bizkit.
• 15:21
  Ryan: Yeah, he asked.
• 15:22
  Jon: ICI can't believe I haven't sent you guys those, any of those reels?
• 15:26
  Ryan: Oh, it's just,
• 15:27
  Kearns: is horrific.
• 15:28
  And that's largely why I said I kind of wish that he had gone
• 15:31
  Ryan: it's just one of those days, you know,
• 15:34
  Kearns: Aw,
• 15:37
  I hate you both so much.
• 15:38
  Okay, so this, this movie surprised me.
• 15:41
  It jumped right out and surprised the hell
• 15:43
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 15:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:46
  Kearns: were gonna get, super campy, like sleep away camp style horror.
• 15:52
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 15:54
  No,
• 15:54
  Kearns: no,
• 15:55
  Jon: no.
• 15:55
  Kearns: thing takes itself seriously.
• 15:57
  Jon: let me give you two reviews to start here too.
• 16:00
  Kearns: Oh,
• 16:01
  Jon: have a out of five.
• 16:03
  Great movie.
• 16:04
  It's scary as hell.
• 16:06
  Yes.
• 16:07
  I highly recommend this movie, if you like, scary movies.
• 16:11
  I don't think it's particularly scary, but I agree with his
• 16:13
  overall sentiment that this is
• 16:16
  Ryan: I feel like.
• 16:16
  Jon: really good.
• 16:17
  Ryan: I feel like he just watched it for the first time, and when you
• 16:21
  watch it for the first time, yeah, you're gonna jump, but it's like when
• 16:24
  you go back to watch it, it's just a good watch, if that makes sense.
• 16:28
  Like you're not going there for the jumps or the thrills.
• 16:30
  You're just there for a good movie
• 16:32
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 16:33
  Ryan: an okay movie.
• 16:33
  I just.
• 16:34
  Kearns: Piha sound effect pulls the horror right
• 16:36
  Jon: Yeah,
• 16:37
  Kearns: opinion,
• 16:37
  Jon: yeah,
• 16:38
  Kearns: because of like the
• 16:39
  Jon: yeah.
• 16:40
  Kearns: that they use a hundred times.
• 16:41
  Jon: The like bubbling.
• 16:43
  Yeah.
• 16:45
  so for every five star review we have to have a one.
• 16:48
  And this is a one out of 10
• 16:52
  Kearns: Let's hear it.
• 16:53
  Jon: probably the worst bee movie, TV animal planet.
• 16:57
  I would, I don't know, I saw last 12 months, despite the fact
• 17:03
  that it maintains some suspense.
• 17:05
  The acting is miserable and the story is full of nonsense.
• 17:09
  To mention some, number one, the pool must have an outlet diameter of several inches
• 17:16
  to allow draining human cul skeletons.
• 17:19
  I don't know.
• 17:19
  Number
• 17:20
  Ryan: S
• 17:21
  Jon: and here's the part where it's clear that this person is confused
• 17:25
  because he confuses doctor names.
• 17:28
  I couldn't understand why Mengers attacks with her pole and doesn't
• 17:33
  cry to stop the drainage proceedings.
• 17:36
  So many security.
• 17:38
  Devices and no filter grid to on the outlet.
• 17:43
  Three.
• 17:44
  The rescue trial of Dr. Mengers is useless, silly, and done
• 17:48
  just to kill the character.
• 17:51
  Four,
• 17:51
  Kearns: I mean, okay.
• 17:53
  Jon: it's Dr. Hoke.
• 17:54
  But you
• 17:55
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 17:57
  Jon: why the hell the, this is a great, great sentence.
• 18:01
  Why the hell with commas?
• 18:03
  The army wishes saltwater piranhas in enemy rivers.
• 18:08
  By the way, I know Amazon piranhas.
• 18:12
  I'd fished several.
• 18:15
  They never attack after sunset.
• 18:18
  Ryan: Oh, that's good.
• 18:19
  Good to know.
• 18:20
  Jon: Six.
• 18:21
  Kearns: 'em into the Amazon after Sunset
• 18:23
  Jon: A working a working flooded circuit breaker on the dam.
• 18:27
  Oh, please.
• 18:30
  Seven.
• 18:31
  What kind of poison was stored in the dam?
• 18:34
  For what and why?
• 18:35
  So selected.
• 18:37
  That nothing happens to Paul.
• 18:41
  Kearns: He wasn't in there long enough for it to get him.
• 18:43
  You see the cloud, the cloud disperses, like as he gets yo yanked
• 18:47
  Ryan: Yep.
• 18:48
  Kearns: So that one, all right,
• 18:49
  Jon: I, I very, I very much worry about the drugs that this
• 18:53
  person did because there is, I,
• 18:55
  Kearns: know if it's drugs or autism spectrum
• 18:57
  Jon: is no,
• 18:59
  Kearns: I
• 19:00
  Jon: there's no understanding of parts of this movie.
• 19:02
  The chemicals weren't in the dam.
• 19:05
  Ryan: No.
• 19:05
  No, they
• 19:05
  Kearns: now, yeah, they were
• 19:06
  Ryan: weren't.
• 19:06
  Jon: They were in a refinery.
• 19:07
  Yeah,
• 19:08
  Ryan: Yep.
• 19:09
  Kearns: So I don't know this, this reeks of like a dude
• 19:12
  with needs, know what I mean?
• 19:14
  That's why I'm not gonna go too ham on him because he's, got that male
• 19:17
  Karen vibe that really comes with that
• 19:20
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 19:21
  Kearns: into stuff.
• 19:22
  Jon: yeah.
• 19:23
  Ryan: I,
• 19:24
  Kearns: I don't know, dude, I'm not gonna go nuts on him, but he's, his
• 19:27
  criticisms are highly, highly suspect.
• 19:29
  Jon: Yeah.
• 19:31
  Ryan: yeah, that's, that's a person who definitely got the movie confused and
• 19:36
  characters and scenes and understanding.
• 19:40
  Kearns: that might point more to drugs.
• 19:42
  A SD, they get their, they get their crap locked down,
• 19:45
  Ryan: Yeah, they do
• 19:45
  Kearns: that might be crack.
• 19:46
  Yeah, you're right.
• 19:47
  That's probably more crack
• 19:51
  Ryan: that, I mean.
• 19:51
  Kearns: my guess.
• 19:52
  Ryan: I mean, they weren't wrong.
• 19:54
  The doctor's death was a, a throw me, especially when they're like,
• 19:58
  only three people can fit on the raft and we'll get to that.
• 20:02
  We'll get to that.
• 20:03
  But
• 20:03
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 20:04
  Ryan: they're right on that part.
• 20:05
  That was a gimme.
• 20:06
  Jon: But they don't even have the gender of that doctor, right?
• 20:10
  Ryan: Oh God.
• 20:10
  No.
• 20:12
  No, they don't.
• 20:13
  Kearns: man.
• 20:14
  Ryan: Just,
• 20:14
  Kearns: progressive.
• 20:15
  Ryan: the same.
• 20:16
  Kearns: Fluid, baby fluid like water.
• 20:19
  The piranha swim through, bro.
• 20:20
  Ryan: And it's not salt, it's not, well, it's either salt are fresh either way.
• 20:25
  Kearns: Is it brackish?
• 20:26
  These piranhas don't seem to care if you get to the end of the movie.
• 20:29
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 20:31
  that was one of the points that Dr. Hoke makes before he gets
• 20:35
  killed, is that they've genetically engineered these piana to be able
• 20:40
  to survive in salt or freshwater,
• 20:43
  Kearns: Ooh,
• 20:46
  Jon: we're still, you know, still just out of Vietnam when this movie comes out.
• 20:51
  They needed to destroy the Vietnamese river systems.
• 20:54
  Ryan: Yep.
• 20:55
  It's a few years off.
• 20:57
  Jon: Yeah.
• 20:58
  Kearns: That makes sense.
• 20:59
  You know, I didn't put that together.
• 21:00
  The residents of vie the Vietnam War being in this film and yeah, that's there.
• 21:05
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 21:06
  Ryan: It was very subtle, like that little subtle hint of like, this
• 21:11
  is what the government's doing.
• 21:13
  This is what we're doing behind the scenes to win the war.
• 21:15
  It was cool.
• 21:16
  I liked it.
• 21:17
  Kearns: were subtle hints at, at like a deeper movie, like the
• 21:22
  Girl reading Moby Dick on the
• 21:24
  Ryan: Yep.
• 21:24
  Kearns: and the Raft and the mention the Illusion to Huck Finn
• 21:28
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 21:28
  Kearns: like none of that.
• 21:29
  None of that's here.
• 21:30
  There's no echoes of great American literature in this film whatsoever.
• 21:35
  It's just dumb.
• 21:36
  They're like, yeah, just put some books in it and make people think stuff.
• 21:38
  Ryan: It was her show.
• 21:40
  Jon: Yeah.
• 21:40
  Ryan: her show.
• 21:41
  Kearns: Melville, you know, it's like Melville chasing his white whale.
• 21:43
  We're chasing the para.
• 21:45
  No, no,
• 21:48
  Ryan: Bubbling piranhas?
• 21:49
  Kearns: but for what it is, I mean, it insists on trying to be a good movie and
• 21:54
  it is a pretty good movie for 78 too.
• 21:57
  Jon: Yeah.
• 21:58
  I mean
• 21:58
  Kearns: It's no fantasm, but you know.
• 22:00
  Ryan: No.
• 22:01
  Jon: a movie that is sort of.
• 22:04
  Not even sort of, that is a jaws ripoff
• 22:07
  Ryan: Yes.
• 22:08
  Jon: and no knowing the other jaws ripoffs that followed,
• 22:12
  Ryan: Actually on a,
• 22:13
  Jon: a really good job.
• 22:14
  Kearns: Name the best
• 22:15
  Ryan: on a
• 22:15
  Kearns: We're gonna say it at the same time.
• 22:17
  Everybody say the same time.
• 22:19
  The think about it for a second and then I'll cue you.
• 22:22
  The best Jaws rip off movie you've got it.
• 22:25
  Blink twice.
• 22:30
  Okay.
• 22:30
  All right.
• 22:31
  I don't see anybody blinking.
• 22:32
  So are we just gonna count down?
• 22:34
  All right.
• 22:34
  Ready?
• 22:36
  3, 2, 1.
• 22:38
  Ryan: orka.
• 22:39
  Jon: Piana.
• 22:40
  Kearns: You think piranha's
• 22:41
  Jon: Yeah,
• 22:42
  Kearns: Orca?
• 22:43
  Ryan: Orca.
• 22:43
  Well,
• 22:44
  Jon: Piranha's more fun.
• 22:46
  Orca gets a little heavy with the, violence toward the whales.
• 22:50
  Kearns: a hundred percent.
• 22:51
  Ryan: yeah, but that's, that's what makes it work.
• 22:54
  But Orca also, I was gonna say as a side note, came out before Piana
• 22:57
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 22:59
  Ryan: one year.
• 22:59
  One year before.
• 23:00
  So
• 23:01
  Jon: But
• 23:02
  Ryan: Yep.
• 23:04
  Jon: 'cause piranha, I mean, you don't even really get the opportunity
• 23:07
  to feel bad for the piranha because they're really not even seen.
• 23:12
  Kearns: Well, they're mam, they're not mammals.
• 23:14
  Ryan: on, wait a minute.
• 23:15
  Jon: too
• 23:15
  Kearns: for things that aren't mammals.
• 23:16
  Ryan: So what I was watching my Roger Corman collector Sedition, DVD, which
• 23:22
  you can buy on Amazon or screen factory.
• 23:25
  Kearns: Yeah,
• 23:26
  Ryan: they have, they digi digitized in the film piranhas.
• 23:31
  Jon: uhhuh.
• 23:32
  Yeah.
• 23:33
  Ryan: And it looks, it looks awful, but it works for the film.
• 23:38
  Jon: And you have that little like claymation thing
• 23:41
  Ryan: Yes.
• 23:41
  Jon: the lab early
• 23:42
  Ryan: the hell?
• 23:43
  What the hell was that?
• 23:44
  I'm, I'm like, this thing doesn't have no point in the film, but it's just cool.
• 23:48
  Like
• 23:48
  Jon: it's, yeah, it, it's an implication that there were more
• 23:53
  tests being done than just on piranha.
• 23:56
  Ryan: I wanna see a spinoff with that creature.
• 23:59
  All right?
• 24:00
  Being like, let's like doll man, like I'm going into the richer band era puppet
• 24:06
  master and stuff, but like, I want like a doll man style with that claymation.
• 24:11
  All right,
• 24:12
  Kearns: I take a doll, man, doll, man.
• 24:14
  One through four.
• 24:15
  Ryan: doll man versus demonic toys.
• 24:19
  Jon: So, yeah.
• 24:20
  So once Maggie and Paul accidentally released the piranha
• 24:23
  into the river, it's hell.
• 24:26
  Ryan: Oh, so hold,
• 24:27
  Kearns: real.
• 24:28
  Ryan: well, hold on.
• 24:29
  Can we, let's rewind real quick.
• 24:30
  First off, Maggie she's there because she's a skip tracer and she's trying to
• 24:35
  find the hikers who have disappeared.
• 24:38
  And Paul is a recluse in the woods who's kind of escaped life.
• 24:44
  And he's just a drunk,
• 24:46
  Jon: Yeah.
• 24:46
  Ryan: complete drunk.
• 24:47
  Sorry, I just wanted to fill it in 'cause we skipped that part and I'm
• 24:50
  like, we gotta get a little background.
• 24:52
  Jon: none of them can drive.
• 24:54
  Ryan: No, but they can, they can row.
• 24:56
  Jon: Nobody in the, nobody in this movie can drive a car.
• 25:03
  Ryan: That was like, like if anyone's seen the man with the golden gun
• 25:07
  from 1974, it's, it's like that, it's like scenes from that with the cop
• 25:14
  car going over the hills and stuff.
• 25:16
  There's just no AlleyOOP.
• 25:17
  That's the only thing missing.
• 25:19
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 25:20
  Kearns: Fair.
• 25:21
  So yeah, they, once they get in the river, like John was saying,
• 25:23
  it does, it's bedlam pretty quickly
• 25:25
  Jon: Yeah.
• 25:25
  Kearns: gets your deaths
• 25:28
  Ryan: Yep.
• 25:28
  Kearns: to pile up.
• 25:29
  They do take a nice break though.
• 25:31
  have your first
• 25:33
  Ryan: Yep,
• 25:34
  Kearns: after the two swimmers in the pond and then in the river.
• 25:38
  They build up a little bit, some characterization going on and stuff.
• 25:42
  And then favorite little bootleg booze smuggler gets it, that that
• 25:47
  Jon: Yep.
• 25:47
  Kearns: the movie kicked it up a notch
• 25:48
  Jon: Yep.
• 25:49
  Ryan: I thought the dog was gonna get it too.
• 25:52
  I was watching it with Jayden.
• 25:53
  We're like here it goes.
• 25:54
  And we're looking at Ali.
• 25:57
  'cause the dog's like a, it's a cattle dog.
• 25:59
  So we're like there he goes.
• 26:01
  All right.
• 26:01
  Kearns: Ollie.
• 26:02
  Ryan: I'm like, he's done.
• 26:03
  But luckily the dog survives.
• 26:05
  But that's, you know, just seeing the blood in the water, it's
• 26:08
  pretty, it's decent effects.
• 26:11
  I do like it, you know, the bubbling in the water's pretty
• 26:14
  cool too, especially for 78.
• 26:17
  Bet you any money, it's a guy snorkeling under there.
• 26:21
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 26:21
  Jon: Probably.
• 26:22
  Ryan: Just,
• 26:23
  Kearns: very
• 26:23
  Ryan: just blow bubbles.
• 26:25
  Clint blow bubbles.
• 26:27
  Jon: But once the piranha are free, it's a, it's also now a race against time.
• 26:32
  Ryan: Yep.
• 26:33
  Jon: Maggie and Paul have to get to the dam to prevent it from being
• 26:36
  drained, or else the piranha are going to have direct access to the
• 26:41
  summer camp that's on the other side.
• 26:44
  And then the resort that just opened.
• 26:49
  Kearns: And that's what
• 26:50
  Jon: Yeah, and, spoiler.
• 26:52
  Kearns: alert.
• 26:52
  Jon: They don't make it in time.
• 26:53
  Well, they make it in time, but
• 26:56
  Ryan: No one listens.
• 26:57
  Jon: a there's a bypass stream that the piranha, despite
• 27:01
  assurances are smart enough to find
• 27:05
  Ryan: Which
• 27:05
  Jon: and
• 27:06
  Ryan: it's, interesting 'cause if you include that, right, I get it.
• 27:09
  They had a short run time, low budget.
• 27:12
  But if you make that apparent in the film, once you, well, they kind
• 27:16
  of do it, they get 'em arrested.
• 27:18
  But once you have more of a fight to try to stop the piranhas from going
• 27:23
  there, like maybe steal a boat or something, try to cause some chaos.
• 27:27
  I don't know.
• 27:28
  As a screenwriter I would've added something, a little more flare to it.
• 27:32
  Jon: mean this is also the part where Maggie and, and Paul turn
• 27:36
  into like a two person crime.
• 27:39
  You know,
• 27:39
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 27:40
  Jon: locked.
• 27:40
  They get locked up in the, by the military and Maggie goes and distracts 'em and
• 27:46
  Ryan: that was a good scene.
• 27:47
  Jon: they steal a mi military vehicle.
• 27:51
  Then they get the cops catch 'em, and they get thrown in jail.
• 27:54
  They break outta jail, steal a cop car.
• 27:57
  They, they, they're through the whole town.
• 28:00
  I think they tried like, but who listens to a drunk end the seventies?
• 28:06
  Strange blonde lady from outta town.
• 28:08
  Ryan: Which if you go,
• 28:09
  Kearns: your step or your dad and your new stepmom
• 28:12
  Jon: Yep.
• 28:12
  Kearns: in the seventies,
• 28:13
  Ryan: well, if you go back to the distraction scene, it shows 'cause
• 28:16
  she tries to, like, she tries not to be the damn soul in distress.
• 28:21
  Or the woman, she's trying to like, literally distract
• 28:23
  like a man would or something.
• 28:24
  And then she's got flash the guy to get his attention and it's
• 28:29
  like she doesn't want to go that direction, but she's forced to.
• 28:34
  And it, it illustrates especially because of it's the, the time period
• 28:37
  too, but it, it goes against the grain.
• 28:41
  Kearns: to beat her ass.
• 28:42
  The entire movie,
• 28:43
  Ryan: Oh yeah.
• 28:44
  Kearns: be hand feeling is there, the whole,
• 28:46
  Jon: Uhhuh.
• 28:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:48
  Kearns: where the way he talks to her is like, damn, God damn Dame.
• 28:50
  Jon: Yeah.
• 28:51
  Kearns: wants to whacker.
• 28:53
  Jon: But he sort of talks to everybody like that.
• 28:55
  He's just an ornery drunk dude,
• 28:58
  Kearns: True.
• 29:00
  Ryan: Very unhappy.
• 29:01
  Jon: get that across.
• 29:03
  Ryan: It's like you'll, he is, he's likable, but he's also
• 29:07
  unlikable, if that makes sense.
• 29:09
  Like he's just like that regular dude in the,
• 29:11
  Kearns: like his movie.
• 29:13
  The way he does his movie Cutlery when he is eating, when they first
• 29:16
  meet, I knew I was gonna hate him for the rest of the movie.
• 29:18
  Just for that Yeah.
• 29:20
  The way you, like he taps the food with the knife 30 times to
• 29:23
  keep his hands moving for the shot and like, ah, you suck.
• 29:26
  I hate you.
• 29:27
  Ryan: and then he takes the big bite of the fish that's like
• 29:30
  this small, just this small.
• 29:32
  Kearns: laughed openly at him like three times during the movie at his shenanigans.
• 29:37
  Jon: he's awesome.
• 29:38
  I love that dude.
• 29:39
  seems like a good spot to throw in another one star review though.
• 29:43
  Kearns: Oh, perfect.
• 29:44
  Jon: we have another one with no punctuation, no capitalizations, just
• 29:48
  Kearns: I
• 29:49
  Jon: of consciousness.
• 29:50
  Ryan: Okay.
• 29:51
  Jon: All right.
• 29:52
  Ryan: Any ellipses?
• 29:54
  Jon: this was a stupid movie.
• 29:55
  Very slow in the beginning.
• 29:57
  Jaws was so much better of a movie.
• 30:00
  This was a rip off of Jaws, just not what I expected.
• 30:04
  Glad I only rented it.
• 30:05
  The trailer is much better.
• 30:07
  That's about it.
• 30:07
  Don't waste your time.
• 30:09
  Kearns: I mean, all that's pretty fair.
• 30:11
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 30:11
  Jon: mean, it is a ri, it's a
• 30:13
  Ryan: it's a
• 30:14
  Jon: off, but is it really slow?
• 30:16
  Ryan: no.
• 30:17
  No, it's not.
• 30:18
  Jon: I mean,
• 30:18
  Kearns: slow.
• 30:19
  Jon: I
• 30:20
  Ryan: off with a bank.
• 30:21
  Jon: I guess maybe slow by standards where it's action, action, action, action.
• 30:28
  But not slow.
• 30:31
  Kearns: If you're watching Jaws, which isn't just one of the
• 30:33
  greatest horror monster style movies of all time, but one of the
• 30:37
  Jon: I.
• 30:38
  Kearns: films of all time
• 30:40
  Ryan: Yep.
• 30:40
  Kearns: where they trailblazed a bunch of different tactics to make people like to,
• 30:44
  to basically do a masterclass in suspense.
• 30:47
  never going to, you're never gonna catch lightning in a bottle like that
• 30:50
  again, as a viewer, that as like it was to see Jaws for the first time.
• 30:54
  I can't wait to show my kids Jaws for the
• 30:57
  Jon: Yeah.
• 30:58
  Kearns: go in the pool,
• 30:58
  Jon: Yeah.
• 30:59
  Jaw.
• 31:00
  Jaws is one of those movies you look forward to exposing people to
• 31:05
  Ryan: So.
• 31:06
  Jon: in, in a different way.
• 31:08
  For me, in a way, for me, with Jaws, it's exposing someone to a good movie, whereas
• 31:14
  I also really enjoy exposing people to the horrible, horrible things I've seen.
• 31:19
  Also,
• 31:20
  Kearns: for that.
• 31:21
  Ryan: I am fine with it.
• 31:23
  Jon: I haven't even gotten to the depths of that.
• 31:25
  Kearns: liked, I like everything you've shown, but, but yeah.
• 31:29
  Ryan: Just to add, I watched Jaws for the first time last week.
• 31:32
  I've never seen it entirely full.
• 31:35
  I've seen clips and it's in my top 10 because it's such a good
• 31:39
  film and it's considered horror and I am a what at least I, what?
• 31:46
  It's, it's,
• 31:47
  Kearns: Jaws for the first time after your formative years feels like, like
• 31:52
  Ryan: I,
• 31:53
  Kearns: not your crime, you're a victim.
• 31:55
  Ryan: I. We've discussed, I was watching Evil Dead at six years
• 31:59
  old in John Carpenter's vampires, and then in high school getting
• 32:03
  introduced to Clockwork Orange.
• 32:04
  My movie timeline is on a whole other direction than,
• 32:09
  what's your movie timeline?
• 32:10
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 32:11
  Kearns: in eighth grade myself
• 32:13
  Ryan: Oh, no, that,
• 32:14
  Kearns: faces of death.
• 32:15
  Ryan: that one that, that's too young, sir. For me, I saw that in high school
• 32:19
  I couldn't watch in eighth grade.
• 32:22
  Jon: I, I want to call out a co a couple of people who you'll recognize if you
• 32:28
  grew up being babysat by your grandmother.
• 32:32
  Dr. Hoax body double when he is getting eaten by the piranha is Eric
• 32:36
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 32:37
  Jon: Who went on to be,
• 32:38
  Ryan: Okay.
• 32:39
  Jon: Victor Newman in the Young and the Restless,
• 32:43
  Kearns: Newman.
• 32:44
  Jon: and,
• 32:45
  Ryan: I know the chunky weight, these chunkies.
• 32:48
  Jon: Barbara, the camp counselor.
• 32:50
  The one that survives is Mel Melody, Thomas Scott, who's his wife in
• 32:56
  the young and the Rec reckless.
• 32:58
  Ryan: Yep.
• 32:59
  Jon: Newman, who is a stripper, turned his spouse.
• 33:04
  Ryan: Yep.
• 33:05
  Kearns: I mean, yeah, that's the only way to do it,
• 33:07
  Jon: Yeah, so I
• 33:08
  Ryan: For our daytime soap.
• 33:09
  Kearns: park, you can make that
• 33:10
  Jon: if, if you grew up, if you grew up with grandma watching you
• 33:14
  on weekdays, you saw soap operas.
• 33:17
  Ryan: Yes.
• 33:18
  Young and the Restless.
• 33:19
  And what was Young And the Restless.
• 33:21
  First.
• 33:22
  Kearns: For me,
• 33:22
  Ryan: Bold, the beautiful.
• 33:23
  Kearns: my grandma
• 33:24
  Jon: Young, young in the Rest List, came on at 1230.
• 33:26
  30
• 33:27
  Ryan: Okay.
• 33:28
  And it was bold.
• 33:28
  The beautiful As the world turns
• 33:30
  Jon: 1230 to one 30, and then one o'clock days of our lives would start
• 33:35
  and we'd have to jump, we'd have to jump during commercial breaks so we could
• 33:40
  see what was going on with Days of Our
• 33:42
  Ryan: You're forgetting.
• 33:42
  Kearns: did.
• 33:43
  We were outside a lot, so maybe she did watch that crap.
• 33:46
  Ryan: You're forgetting.
• 33:46
  Jon: through the hourglass.
• 33:48
  Ryan: Oh.
• 33:48
  Kearns: we were outside.
• 33:50
  Ryan: You are forgetting the,
• 33:51
  Kearns: through an hourglass.
• 33:52
  Those are the
• 33:53
  Ryan: you're,
• 33:53
  Kearns: lives.
• 33:53
  Ryan: forgetting the most important soap opera, and that is Dark Shadows.
• 33:58
  Barnabas Collins.
• 33:59
  All right.
• 34:00
  Jon: But that was a nighttime soap.
• 34:01
  Nighttime soaps and daytime soaps were different.
• 34:04
  Ryan: I thought it was daytime.
• 34:05
  Jon: I'm pretty sure
• 34:06
  Ryan: No.
• 34:07
  Jon: was night.
• 34:08
  I'm pretty sure.
• 34:08
  Dark shadows in nighttime,
• 34:10
  Kearns: always thought Twin Peaks was a soap until I, you
• 34:12
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 34:13
  Kearns: adequately educated.
• 34:14
  Ryan: that's a, that's a once complete series, sir.
• 34:19
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 34:19
  Ryan: Sadly.
• 34:21
  Jon: Dynasty in Dallas, were
• 34:23
  Ryan: Yep.
• 34:23
  Jon: from the young and the restless in days of our lives.
• 34:27
  Ryan: Yes.
• 34:27
  Was that like a once a week soap, or was that an every Night soap as well?
• 34:33
  Jon: in Dallas, were once a week.
• 34:35
  Yeah.
• 34:35
  Ryan: Okay.
• 34:36
  Jon: And then, and then they'd leave you the cliffhanger at the end of the season.
• 34:39
  Like I don't even know how much that exists anymore.
• 34:43
  Kearns: If you ever watch the, I love the seventies.
• 34:44
  They have like 20 minutes on one episode
• 34:46
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 34:47
  Kearns: finale of Dallas.
• 34:49
  Ryan: Yep.
• 34:49
  Jon: DA
• 34:50
  Kearns: came to a
• 34:50
  Jon: Dallas,
• 34:51
  Ryan: Yeah, they did.
• 34:52
  Jon: cliffhanger, the who shot JR. Cliffhanger was the
• 34:55
  biggest thing in the world.
• 34:57
  Ryan: Were you upset that it was a dream?
• 35:00
  Jon: I don't know, I didn't watch the show.
• 35:02
  Kearns: Yeah, he was little.
• 35:03
  Jon: Grandma didn't babysit at night.
• 35:08
  Kearns: I just remember the old lady letting, letting you at the sugar bowl
• 35:12
  with your corn flakes or your Cheerios.
• 35:14
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 35:15
  Kearns: you didn't eat your, Cheerios and have it crunching between your
• 35:19
  teeth, not because of the cereal, because of this crystals of sugar
• 35:22
  Jon: Yep.
• 35:23
  Kearns: You didn't live,
• 35:24
  Jon: Yep.
• 35:25
  Ryan: That's life cereal.
• 35:27
  Life cereal.
• 35:28
  Pound of sugar right there.
• 35:30
  Kearns: yep.
• 35:31
  Ryan: Oh, bring it.
• 35:33
  It's just like piran.
• 35:33
  Kearns: kids don't eat cereal at all, and I'm super proud of that.
• 35:36
  Yeah, true.
• 35:36
  We're, we're meandering, but
• 35:39
  Ryan: You gotta.
• 35:40
  Kearns: like, we're, we're back to the eat the eggs era.
• 35:43
  Ryan: Let's go back.
• 35:44
  If you,
• 35:44
  Kearns: good.
• 35:45
  Ryan: if you,
• 35:45
  Kearns: bacon
• 35:45
  Ryan: if you christen them with cereal, I hope you christen them with
• 35:49
  Captain Crunch as their first cereal.
• 35:51
  Sorry,
• 35:52
  Kearns: so they can slice up their mouths.
• 35:53
  You sadist,
• 35:54
  Ryan: I,
• 35:55
  Kearns: bastard.
• 35:56
  Ryan: I went through it.
• 35:57
  We all it's
• 35:59
  Kearns: You have to let it sit for a while Captain Crunch, for sure.
• 36:04
  Let it sit for a second.
• 36:05
  It needs to have a crunch, but you can't have like glass shards in your face.
• 36:07
  All right.
• 36:08
  Piranha, everybody.
• 36:08
  So like the, the Razor sharp
• 36:13
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 36:14
  Kearns: talking about, the teeth of the piranhas finds their way
• 36:17
  into tons of children at the camp.
• 36:20
  Ryan: and
• 36:21
  Jon: not, does not adhere to that like seventies and eighties.
• 36:26
  We don't kill the kid.
• 36:28
  Ryan: Oh, they're,
• 36:28
  Kearns: killed a
• 36:29
  Ryan: they're going left and right.
• 36:30
  Jon: lot of the kids
• 36:31
  Ryan: Yeah, they do.
• 36:32
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 36:33
  Ryan: how many, I thought it was like one or two and it's just, they're disappearing
• 36:36
  left and right and it's like, oh my God.
• 36:39
  And it's.
• 36:39
  Kearns: out pretty well.
• 36:40
  Ryan: It's bad when, like, I, I forgot his name, but he's like the
• 36:44
  leader of the camp counselors, the one they're throwing darts at Dumont.
• 36:49
  That's so perfect of a name.
• 36:51
  Mont.
• 36:52
  Well Dumont, he gets a piranha, which is a cool special
• 36:55
  effect too, right in the face.
• 36:57
  It just jumps out the water and it's cheesy, but you just see 'em gnawing
• 37:01
  and it's just like, it's so good.
• 37:04
  Yeah.
• 37:05
  Kearns: do the sound.
• 37:06
  Oh man.
• 37:07
  Mean, it continues that way.
• 37:09
  And being that kind of entertaining for a while,
• 37:11
  Ryan: yep.
• 37:12
  Kearns: is good.
• 37:12
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 37:13
  Kearns: It
• 37:13
  Ryan: And
• 37:14
  Kearns: And then they get to the next portion,
• 37:15
  Jon: get to the resort.
• 37:17
  Kearns: talk about,
• 37:17
  Ryan: I was,
• 37:18
  Kearns: gonna pause us again?
• 37:19
  Ryan: I was gonna, can we rewind and talk about how they're smart
• 37:23
  because they take apart the raft.
• 37:26
  Jon: Oh
• 37:26
  Ryan: They, they dismember the raft, which is cool.
• 37:29
  Kearns: to get at the body,
• 37:30
  Ryan: Yes.
• 37:31
  Kearns: the body
• 37:31
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 37:32
  Kearns: right, the intelligence is showcased when they don't stop.
• 37:36
  Once the body's thrown in the
• 37:37
  Jon: Yeah.
• 37:38
  Yeah,
• 37:38
  Ryan: Yep.
• 37:39
  Kearns: And then we were laughing because there's like 47 logs
• 37:42
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 37:43
  Kearns: together, lashed together.
• 37:44
  They just continuously show them
• 37:46
  Jon: yeah,
• 37:47
  Kearns: many logs was that?
• 37:48
  Jon: The, this raft that can only hold three people became Noah's arc at the end.
• 37:54
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 37:55
  Ryan: It's like it's seven locks and you got 20
• 37:58
  Kearns: Finn too, that we enjoyed the going down the river with the sticks.
• 38:02
  It's like, really?
• 38:03
  Really?
• 38:05
  they did it.
• 38:06
  Ryan: No banjo music, though.
• 38:07
  I was disappointed in that.
• 38:09
  Kearns: we're gonna flash through.
• 38:10
  We're not gonna dwell on each and every little detail we
• 38:12
  get to the end of the movie.
• 38:14
  We do get some cool cameo action
• 38:16
  Jon: Yep.
• 38:16
  We
• 38:17
  Ryan: Oh yeah.
• 38:17
  Kearns: He is a character.
• 38:18
  Ryan: We have a
• 38:19
  Jon: Dick Miller.
• 38:20
  Ryan: another.
• 38:20
  Kearns: Miller's in it.
• 38:22
  Jon: get Barbara Steele
• 38:24
  Ryan: Yep.
• 38:25
  Jon: as the correctly identified, Dr. Menger
• 38:29
  Kearns: Yes.
• 38:31
  This
• 38:31
  Jon: Dick Miller is Buck Gardner, the CD resort developer
• 38:37
  who ignores all the warnings.
• 38:40
  Ryan: He is phenomenal though.
• 38:41
  I love
• 38:42
  Jon: Oh, he's always awesome.
• 38:44
  He's
• 38:45
  Ryan: so good.
• 38:45
  Jon: awesome.
• 38:47
  That's
• 38:47
  Kearns: mean,
• 38:47
  Jon: that's why he got a top five in the chopping wall episode.
• 38:51
  Kearns: The first thing you think of when I, well, the first thing I
• 38:53
  think of when I see him is gremlins.
• 38:54
  Every
• 38:54
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 38:55
  Kearns: Every time.
• 38:56
  But do you wanna do another review before we get into the climax,
• 38:59
  which isn't very climactic?
• 39:01
  Jon: mean, this is kind of a long one, so I'll buzz through it.
• 39:04
  Oh, we lost it.
• 39:05
  They're all done.
• 39:06
  All right, one more, one star.
• 39:08
  this person is really upset by this movie.
• 39:11
  The script is so incoherent and unimaginative.
• 39:15
  It's as if they were making it up while they were filming.
• 39:19
  Also, the film is a mess in terms of tone, which keeps
• 39:24
  shifting from comedy to horror.
• 39:26
  And the film does both very badly add to this, some abysmal dialogue
• 39:34
  characters that do things that make zero sense, some painfully repetitive piha
• 39:40
  attack scenes, exposition and subplots that serve no purpose whatsoever.
• 39:47
  And he.
• 39:47
  Kearns: a subplot that
• 39:48
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 39:49
  Jon: I don't,
• 39:49
  Kearns: remember a
• 39:50
  Jon: I don't know.
• 39:50
  Ryan: there was no subplot.
• 39:53
  Jon: I, I don't know.
• 39:54
  But this part, we'll skip ahead a bit.
• 39:55
  This is B-Movie Trash without any of the rewards.
• 39:59
  Good B movies provide so boring and irritating.
• 40:03
  It's a movie that never knows what story it wants to tell or how it
• 40:09
  can't decide what emotion it wants the audience to have during most of the
• 40:13
  scenes, and that is a huge problem.
• 40:18
  If the audience is confused about what it is meant to be feeling, there can be
• 40:23
  no satisfaction from watching a film.
• 40:26
  feeling I ended up having throughout the film was boredom and frustration.
• 40:32
  Ryan: So you're telling me,
• 40:33
  Kearns: the hollowness in my life that allows these people to get
• 40:37
  the time together to sit down and be this mad over a movie like
• 40:41
  Jon: Oh my goodness.
• 40:42
  Ryan: so you're, you're telling me this is the person when we do Ginger
• 40:47
  Dead Man, who's gonna give that movie a five star review out of five?
• 40:52
  This, this is the person it seems like.
• 40:54
  Yeah.
• 40:54
  Gary Busey Iss great.
• 40:56
  Very coherent.
• 40:57
  No.
• 40:58
  No.
• 40:59
  Jon: That, that review almost makes me wonder if they
• 41:02
  didn't review the wrong Piha.
• 41:05
  Kearns: it's possible.
• 41:06
  Ryan: Okay.
• 41:07
  Jon: that's a fitting, more fitting review for like 3D or three double
• 41:12
  D, because those definitely have the, the side stories and the,
• 41:18
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 41:19
  The first one does,
• 41:21
  Jon: the original Piha doesn't really fall that much into comedy.
• 41:26
  There's a couple of moments that you can laugh at, but it's,
• 41:29
  there's not a lot of comedy in it.
• 41:32
  Ryan: and they consider it too, which is interesting, and it's far from it.
• 41:37
  It's more, it's more straight on, straight on thriller.
• 41:41
  And if there's com comedic moments, which there are, it's more like
• 41:45
  natural, you can say, or supposed to be natural, quote unquote.
• 41:50
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 41:50
  we get the Prada, get to the resort,
• 41:53
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 41:54
  Jon: and tear through half the guests.
• 41:59
  Ryan: Yes.
• 42:01
  Kearns: Probably closer to three quarters.
• 42:03
  Ryan: and it's,
• 42:03
  Jon: there.
• 42:04
  Ryan: bloody.
• 42:04
  Jon: are some plastic surgeons that are gonna make a killing.
• 42:08
  And you
• 42:09
  Kearns: they wipe.
• 42:10
  wipe out a lot of humans.
• 42:11
  Ryan: Yeah, they do.
• 42:13
  Jon: And you get, you know, you get the justified end of the colonel who
• 42:17
  Kearns: Yep.
• 42:18
  Ryan: Yep.
• 42:18
  Jon: was very willing to cover this all up and just go on about it because he has
• 42:24
  a, a little side investment in the resort.
• 42:27
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 42:27
  Does,
• 42:28
  Kearns: on him being a douche
• 42:29
  Jon: Yeah.
• 42:30
  Kearns: kicking people
• 42:30
  Jon: Yeah,
• 42:31
  Ryan: Yep.
• 42:32
  Kearns: that they're trying to stay
• 42:33
  Jon: yeah, yeah.
• 42:35
  Ryan: I like that little bonus right there.
• 42:39
  You know, it just, it,
• 42:41
  Kearns: off of
• 42:42
  Ryan: it made his death more like you were happy.
• 42:45
  Jon: yeah.
• 42:46
  Ryan: I was happy.
• 42:47
  Jon: Yeah.
• 42:48
  Up until he's pushing people off.
• 42:50
  Your kind.
• 42:50
  Yeah.
• 42:50
  He's a dick.
• 42:51
  And then he's actively preventing people from surviving.
• 42:57
  He gets what he deserves.
• 42:58
  Ryan: There's, there's,
• 42:59
  Kearns: real.
• 42:59
  Ryan: there's two ways we can go with this because only 18
• 43:02
  people are allowed on that raft.
• 43:05
  You know what I mean?
• 43:06
  So like,
• 43:07
  Kearns: the maximum occupancy
• 43:08
  Ryan: you know, I'm just saying he was,
• 43:11
  Kearns: clearly there.
• 43:12
  Ryan: he was, he was trying, you know, he was trying to save his skin first.
• 43:16
  Kearns: the point where I was like, all right, well how are they gonna do this?
• 43:18
  How are they gonna kill these things?
• 43:20
  And it, it, it is very apparent that they're going to use the smelting
• 43:26
  factory, whatever that is, that's been flooded underwater to do the killing,
• 43:30
  Ryan: Yep.
• 43:32
  Jon: Yep.
• 43:32
  The residue from this melting process.
• 43:36
  Ryan: Yes.
• 43:37
  Kearns: whatever that might be.
• 43:38
  So
• 43:39
  Jon: Nothing I want to be in with
• 43:40
  Kearns: our drunk lumberjack woodsman, it's like I can hold my breath for
• 43:44
  like a solid minute, 30 seconds, and then after that I'm gonna die.
• 43:48
  Jon: count.
• 43:49
  Count to 100.
• 43:50
  That's as
• 43:50
  Ryan: Yep.
• 43:51
  Jon: can hold my breath for.
• 43:52
  Kearns: Which is interesting.
• 43:53
  I mean, that's fair.
• 43:54
  It's probably average
• 43:55
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 43:56
  Kearns: for, you know, I don't know if it's average for an alcoholic,
• 43:58
  Jon: I a,
• 43:58
  Kearns: pretty
• 43:59
  Jon: a middle-aged alcoholic man, that's probably halfway decent.
• 44:03
  Kearns: Time too.
• 44:03
  Ryan: a minute and 40 seconds.
• 44:05
  That's, it's a lot.
• 44:08
  It's a lot.
• 44:08
  Kearns: Really?
• 44:09
  Ryan: I
• 44:09
  Jon: not, not when you're a kid,
• 44:12
  Ryan: not, no, not
• 44:12
  Kearns: That's
• 44:13
  Ryan: a kid.
• 44:13
  No.
• 44:14
  Like,
• 44:15
  Jon: a middle-aged, drunken dude.
• 44:17
  That's probably really solid.
• 44:20
  Ryan: yeah.
• 44:22
  Yeah.
• 44:22
  Jon: we could, we could,
• 44:23
  Kearns: start bragging, so I'm just gonna go with, that's good.
• 44:26
  Ryan: hold my breath for 10 minutes.
• 44:29
  Jon: we could organize a xenomania drunken, middle-aged man.
• 44:32
  Hold your breath under water contest if you want.
• 44:36
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 44:37
  Kearns: would like that very much,
• 44:38
  Jon: All right.
• 44:38
  Let's do it.
• 44:40
  Kearns: very much.
• 44:41
  know what I bring to the table.
• 44:45
  Jon: It doesn't just have
• 44:46
  Kearns: all of my internal organs, except for my
• 44:48
  Jon: it doesn't have to be just the three of us.
• 44:50
  We can.
• 44:50
  Kearns: oxygen
• 44:51
  Jon: We can open this up.
• 44:52
  Like, I mean, if you want to be, if you want to come and
• 44:55
  hold your breath, you're on.
• 44:58
  Kearns: the geek,
• 44:59
  Jon: Yeah.
• 44:59
  Kearns: geek, it'll be the three of
• 45:01
  Jon: Yeah.
• 45:04
  I got, I got a news flash for you guys.
• 45:06
  I think I'd be lucky if I made it 30 seconds.
• 45:08
  I,
• 45:09
  Kearns: Really,
• 45:09
  it all depends on how easily you can calm yourself down.
• 45:12
  All three of us just wipe right away.
• 45:16
  Ryan: I
• 45:16
  Kearns: ah.
• 45:18
  I know people competitive enough that would hold it till they pass out.
• 45:21
  They're psychos.
• 45:22
  But this dude holds it for a hundred.
• 45:25
  Se Well, she's also counting awfully slow.
• 45:27
  She's counting like she's, you know,
• 45:29
  Jon: yeah.
• 45:29
  Kearns: touched,
• 45:30
  Jon: Yeah.
• 45:30
  Kearns: like she gets lost somewhere in the eighties.
• 45:32
  Has to find her way back.
• 45:33
  Jon: 81, 82, 78, 79,
• 45:39
  Ryan: 90.
• 45:41
  Kearns: is getting a little.
• 45:42
  Getting a little out there.
• 45:43
  So he's down there doing his thing, and then the problems are only eating him for,
• 45:47
  I don't know, 20 seconds of the a hundred.
• 45:49
  Ryan: They,
• 45:50
  Kearns: good.
• 45:50
  Jon: Yeah,
• 45:51
  Ryan: they devour him.
• 45:52
  Like if you see how Dr. Hoer gets devoured, it's that same persistent.
• 45:57
  So I, I don't know.
• 45:59
  I have a problem with that.
• 46:01
  He should have, he should have been like half, half alive, if that makes sense.
• 46:06
  Half of his body should have been dissipated.
• 46:08
  Kearns: Yeah, he was
• 46:08
  Jon: he was kind
• 46:09
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 46:09
  Jon: pretty good and I mean, you have to remember, he's
• 46:12
  also wearing denim and flannel.
• 46:15
  think
• 46:15
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 46:16
  Jon: to chew through,
• 46:18
  Ryan: I was gonna say
• 46:18
  Jon: for a piranha.
• 46:20
  Ryan: flannel is heavy shit.
• 46:22
  Kearns: this stupid polyester, nylon
• 46:24
  Jon: Yeah,
• 46:25
  Kearns: talking real man stuff.
• 46:27
  Jon: I mean,
• 46:29
  Ryan: Brony style.
• 46:30
  Jon: that he can hold his breath for a hundred seconds in
• 46:34
  his seventies, flan and denim
• 46:37
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 46:37
  Kearns: having swam.
• 46:38
  Ryan: Yep.
• 46:39
  Kearns: That's the other thing.
• 46:40
  'cause we could just hold our breaths, but we're not in a life-threatening
• 46:43
  situation twice over trying to get the smelting grease out into
• 46:48
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 46:50
  Jeans are a lot now than they used to be.
• 46:54
  Ryan: Yes,
• 46:54
  Jon: into water in jeans in the seventies was like adding
• 46:58
  40 pounds to your body weight.
• 47:01
  Ryan: true.
• 47:01
  Kearns: go buy them.
• 47:02
  I think they, Lee has like the old style.
• 47:05
  It's one of the numbers you can buy and that's how you know you're getting the
• 47:08
  thick jeans, like mechanics and stuff.
• 47:10
  You don't want to, Carhartts would buy those.
• 47:13
  It's good stuff, baby.
• 47:14
  But yeah.
• 47:15
  So she guns the boat she puts those numbers together and yonks him out,
• 47:20
  which would've killed him instantly.
• 47:21
  Also, he goes through a glass window.
• 47:23
  Hilarious.
• 47:24
  Then he lives hooray.
• 47:26
  get to the end.
• 47:27
  The piranhas have subsided.
• 47:30
  Perished.
• 47:32
  Jon: get a doc, an interview with Dr. Mengers who says there's
• 47:35
  no way the Piranha could have.
• 47:37
  Arrived
• 47:38
  Ryan: Yeah,
• 47:40
  Jon: you cut to the ocean
• 47:42
  Ryan: Mm-hmm.
• 47:43
  Jon: you
• 47:43
  Ryan: You hear them?
• 47:45
  Jon: that turns red and you hear the piranha noise
• 47:48
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 47:50
  Jon: and the piranhas,
• 47:50
  Kearns: ends.
• 47:52
  Jon: have made it to the ocean, sets up the sequel really well.
• 47:57
  Ryan: Okay.
• 47:57
  Kearns: true.
• 47:58
  Ryan: I'm excited for the sequel.
• 47:59
  Kearns: Piana, guys.
• 48:00
  That's Piranha 78.
• 48:02
  It's, it is what it is.
• 48:04
  Isn't quite fair to the movie, but it's it's not bad.
• 48:06
  It's not a Bee movie though.
• 48:08
  You're not
• 48:08
  Ryan: No,
• 48:08
  Kearns: see a Bee movie.
• 48:09
  You're watching a movie from the
• 48:10
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 48:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 48:13
  Kearns: a bee movie.
• 48:13
  That's my my description for you.
• 48:16
  So if you're going into this thinking, you're getting the Bubba Hotep experience,
• 48:19
  Jon: Yeah.
• 48:19
  Kearns: all chuckles.
• 48:20
  It
• 48:21
  Jon: Yeah.
• 48:21
  And if you're going into this thinking, you're getting jaws,
• 48:24
  you're not gonna be happy
• 48:26
  Ryan: no, because it's not Jos us.
• 48:27
  Jon: expectation that you're gonna have an hour and a half of a fun movie.
• 48:35
  Piranha's in seventies.
• 48:36
  Special effects.
• 48:37
  You're gonna be okay.
• 48:38
  Kearns: rubber stamp it with, fine.
• 48:41
  That's what it is.
• 48:42
  It's good.
• 48:43
  Jon: Yeah.
• 48:43
  I, I really like piranha Prana is one I revisit
• 48:46
  Ryan: it's, it's a good film.
• 48:48
  Kearns: fall asleep if I was watching it at three o'clock in
• 48:51
  the afternoon on like a Sunday with a breeze coming in the window.
• 48:54
  I would fall asleep.
• 48:55
  I'd wake up, I would resume where I left off.
• 48:57
  Jon: Yep.
• 48:58
  Kearns: way to
• 48:59
  Jon: Yep.
• 48:59
  Kearns: It's not quite riveting, but it's good.
• 49:01
  Jon: Yeah.
• 49:02
  Yeah.
• 49:03
  Ryan: It's a good watch.
• 49:05
  Kearns: There you go.
• 49:06
  So now we gotta get into our top fives.
• 49:08
  Ryan: All right.
• 49:09
  Kearns: it Ryan.
• 49:10
  Ryan: All right.
• 49:10
  Top fives this week is underwater creatures.
• 49:15
  I'll say underwater creatures.
• 49:16
  I didn't want to stick with sharks.
• 49:19
  Octopuses.
• 49:20
  Alligators.
• 49:21
  I wanted to go full range, you know, I didn't wanna be hoist.
• 49:26
  Jon: were creatures.
• 49:27
  Ryan: No, no, no.
• 49:28
  I'm definitely sure they're cre Well, they can be mammals and, but, but
• 49:34
  we're gonna start off with number five.
• 49:36
  John mentioned this last week in his, oh, I think in your top five, right?
• 49:40
  Deep blue sea.
• 49:43
  No,
• 49:43
  Jon: no, not last.
• 49:44
  I, it may have come up before,
• 49:46
  Ryan: we did, it was mentioned last week and that's how I
• 49:49
  got the idea for this one.
• 49:50
  Jon: oh, you know what?
• 49:51
  It was because of,
• 49:53
  Ryan: Samuel Jackson.
• 49:54
  Jon: the, the surprising death scene.
• 49:57
  Ryan: Yep.
• 49:57
  Jon: Yeah.
• 49:58
  Ryan: It's
• 49:58
  Jon: Yeah.
• 49:59
  Ryan: D Blue C 1999.
• 50:01
  Basically sent an isolated underwater facility.
• 50:03
  The film follows the team of scientists and their research on mako sharks
• 50:07
  to help fight Alzheimer's disease.
• 50:09
  The situation plunges into chaos when multiple genetically engineered sharks
• 50:13
  go on a rampage and flood the facility.
• 50:15
  This movie, see, you know, watching as a kid, that really messed me up.
• 50:21
  I mean.
• 50:22
  It's an awesome film.
• 50:23
  You know, I,
• 50:24
  Kearns: you up.
• 50:25
  Ryan: I realize it's safe.
• 50:26
  Kearns: j and a Parrot
• 50:28
  Jon: And LL Cool J Lives.
• 50:30
  Kearns: and the
• 50:31
  Ryan: Yes.
• 50:31
  Kearns: the Punisher later in life I think is
• 50:33
  Ryan: Thomas Jane.
• 50:34
  Yes, he is.
• 50:35
  Kearns: swimming guy.
• 50:36
  Ryan: And we have a scar, scar tel.
• 50:39
  Jon: Yep,
• 50:41
  Kearns: Snellen is in it.
• 50:42
  Snellen's my favorite.
• 50:43
  He's the only scars guard he's allowed to exist.
• 50:45
  Ryan: yes, I agree.
• 50:47
  Tel is awesome and it leads to my number four.
• 50:51
  It's a good film.
• 50:52
  I love it.
• 50:53
  It's called Crawl, I dunno if you guys seen it with the, the, the flooding.
• 50:58
  Yep.
• 50:59
  It's,
• 51:00
  Jon: hurricane
• 51:01
  Ryan: yep.
• 51:02
  It's very realistic.
• 51:03
  And you're on the edge of your seat as she's stuck in the cabinet on
• 51:08
  the the countertop, I should say.
• 51:10
  And it's just, it's a thrill ride.
• 51:13
  It's a thrill ride.
• 51:14
  And it's, it's a watch.
• 51:16
  Jon: that's an Alexander Aje movie or however you
• 51:19
  pronounce his last name, right?
• 51:21
  Ryan: Yep.
• 51:21
  Jon: Directed that.
• 51:22
  Ryan: Alexandre.
• 51:24
  Aja?
• 51:24
  Jon: Yeah.
• 51:25
  Kearns: There was a lot of anticipation for that movie because of him directing
• 51:28
  Jon: Mm-hmm.
• 51:29
  Kearns: that,
• 51:29
  Ryan: Yes.
• 51:30
  Kearns: remember everybody was sorely disappointed in it compared
• 51:32
  to what the expectations were.
• 51:34
  Ryan: I didn't think it was bad.
• 51:35
  Jon: piranha connection too.
• 51:38
  Ryan: He directed
• 51:39
  Kearns: How's
• 51:39
  Ryan: Piana.
• 51:41
  Jon: 3D.
• 51:42
  Ryan: Yes, he did.
• 51:44
  See, I unno,
• 51:45
  Kearns: There you
• 51:45
  Ryan: unknowingly connected it.
• 51:46
  See, I'm that good sometimes.
• 51:49
  Kearns: three.
• 51:50
  Ryan: Number three.
• 51:50
  All right, so number three.
• 51:53
  I saw it a long time ago.
• 51:54
  I forgot about this movie.
• 51:57
  Open Water.
• 51:59
  Kearns: Oh, that one.
• 52:00
  Okay.
• 52:00
  Ryan: Yeah.
• 52:02
  Kearns: in a good way.
• 52:02
  Ryan: Yes.
• 52:03
  Kearns: I, it's scary.
• 52:05
  That's a scary movie.
• 52:07
  Ryan: I remember watching it for the first time and it.
• 52:11
  Kearns: I just was uncomfortable the entire time.
• 52:12
  Yeah.
• 52:13
  Ryan: Well, you kind of realize at a certain point, spoilers
• 52:16
  they're not gonna make it.
• 52:18
  And you just kind of like, as an audience member, it's false hope.
• 52:23
  And then you get to the end and you realize it's not happening.
• 52:26
  And then they cut o like fishermen, find the shark, cut
• 52:29
  it open and find their recording.
• 52:32
  But also the idea that sometimes mistakes happen and they're fatal
• 52:36
  mistakes 'cause they miscount it.
• 52:39
  Kearns: a good lesson.
• 52:41
  Ryan: It's, it's a scary reality.
• 52:44
  Unlike this movie, which dark fantasy period, romantic
• 52:50
  horror, it's Gla del Toro.
• 52:53
  Nah, he didn't direct it, but it's the shape of water.
• 52:56
  Kearns: Award-winning movie.
• 52:57
  Yes.
• 52:58
  All right.
• 52:58
  Ryan: That's,
• 52:59
  Kearns: on board,
• 52:59
  Ryan: that's my number two.
• 53:00
  Kearns: this movie.
• 53:01
  Ryan: Oh, it's so good.
• 53:02
  Very creature from the black,
• 53:04
  Kearns: baby.
• 53:05
  Ryan: very Creature from the Black Lagoon.
• 53:07
  And
• 53:08
  Kearns: the exact
• 53:08
  Jon: Did you say the
• 53:09
  Ryan: yes.
• 53:10
  Kearns: Yeah.
• 53:10
  He did
• 53:11
  Jon: Did he Okay.
• 53:12
  Kearns: The Shape of
• 53:12
  Jon: Shape of Water.
• 53:13
  Ryan: Shape of water.
• 53:14
  Starting Sally Hawkins.
• 53:16
  Michael Shannon, Richard Jenkins, and my favorite, Doug Jones.
• 53:20
  Kearns: win?
• 53:20
  Was it Oh, Doug Jones.
• 53:22
  Ryan: Doug Jones.
• 53:23
  Kearns: won?
• 53:23
  He was nominated, wasn't he?
• 53:24
  He didn't win though, did
• 53:25
  Ryan: No, I don't believe so.
• 53:28
  Jon: think so.
• 53:28
  Ryan: I'll tell you.
• 53:29
  I'll tell you real quick.
• 53:31
  Do, do, do.
• 53:32
  Kearns: do, do, do.
• 53:35
  He got best supporting
• 53:36
  Ryan: Okay.
• 53:36
  Kearns: Nod for, yeah, Richard Jenkins got the best supporting nod for it,
• 53:40
  but he didn't end up taking it home, which I guess is a good consolation.
• 53:43
  If you're gonna win best picture in a VE then be very controversial.
• 53:48
  expected it to win
• 53:49
  Ryan: No, and you know what?
• 53:51
  That's makes it 10 times better.
• 53:53
  'cause it was such a great film and it was a sleeper, you know.
• 53:57
  Kearns: Yeah, it was so well, it was such a good movie.
• 54:00
  Ryan: Well, they were comparing it to Pan Labyrinth and it's not Pan Labyrinth.
• 54:04
  Kearns: was better.
• 54:05
  Ryan: Yes.
• 54:06
  Kearns: but
• 54:06
  Ryan: Yeah, but it's, it's not that.
• 54:08
  And people are like, ah.
• 54:10
  But it's a whole total different kind of movie.
• 54:13
  And it leads to my number one, which is what Universal did to refresh their,
• 54:19
  I guess at the time in the fifties, refresh their horror movie Monsters.
• 54:24
  And it's the classic creature from the Black Lagoon.
• 54:26
  I mean,
• 54:27
  Kearns: Oh, okay.
• 54:28
  The same monster.
• 54:29
  Ryan: you can't, it's number one, you know, I, you could go Anaconda,
• 54:34
  you can go Jaws, but people know it.
• 54:37
  And Creature From the Black Lagoon needs some love too.
• 54:39
  It's very, I, my opinion, underrated in the Universal Horror movie anthology lore.
• 54:46
  But the first one's so good and he's just looking for love.
• 54:51
  Nothing more, nothing less.
• 54:53
  But we gotta hear John's top five.
• 54:56
  I'm ready.
• 54:56
  I wanna hear this.
• 54:57
  Jon: All right.
• 54:58
  Ryan: Top five FIG movies.
• 55:03
  Jon: this will be one that I get to repeat on a few more occasions, I would imagine.
• 55:08
  Ryan: Dick Miller.
• 55:11
  Jon: five movies with soap opera actors,
• 55:14
  Ryan: All right.
• 55:15
  Jon: movies with soap opera actors.
• 55:17
  Kearns: this at all, but I'm
• 55:18
  Ryan: Stamos.
• 55:19
  Kearns: and nod.
• 55:20
  Jon: You'll know a couple of them.
• 55:21
  Kearns: Oh no, I.
• 55:22
  Jon: Number five, one I missed when I was a kid and I wish I had
• 55:27
  caught Younger Night of the Comet,
• 55:30
  Ryan: Okay.
• 55:31
  Kearns: okay.
• 55:32
  Ryan: Yep.
• 55:32
  Jon: stars Kelly Maroney.
• 55:34
  And Catherine Mary Stewart, Catherine Mary Stewart was in the aforementioned
• 55:39
  days of our lives as Kayla Brady
• 55:41
  Ryan: Okay.
• 55:42
  Yep.
• 55:42
  Jon: Kelly Maroney was on Ryan's hope.
• 55:47
  So, sisters try to survive the aftermath of a comet that wipes
• 55:52
  out most of the population.
• 55:54
  They endure, cannibal, zombie esque creatures and evil scientists.
• 56:02
  Ryan: It's good, Phil?
• 56:05
  Jon: my number four, has to pop up on our schedule soon
• 56:08
  because it's a bonkers, movie.
• 56:11
  It's brain damage starring Rick Hurst,
• 56:14
  Ryan: Yep.
• 56:14
  Jon: who was on general hospital at, in two roles as Rick Lansing.
• 56:19
  And Paul, he's just credited as Paul,
• 56:23
  Ryan: Just Paul.
• 56:24
  Jon: Paul.
• 56:25
  So he plays Brian, a man who wakes to find a brain eating
• 56:28
  parasite has attached itself.
• 56:30
  Him,
• 56:31
  Ryan: Yep.
• 56:31
  Jon: In exchange for the euphoria of the parasite GI provides, Brian must
• 56:36
  deliver humans to his new parasite.
• 56:40
  Kearns: I feel like we know Brian like that.
• 56:42
  Jon: I feel like we did,
• 56:43
  Ryan: Oh, we do.
• 56:44
  Jon: like, like,
• 56:45
  Kearns: the parasite is too.
• 56:46
  Ryan: Oh yeah,
• 56:48
  Jon: are just generally like that.
• 56:51
  Like it's just a Brian trait
• 56:56
  Ryan: now, now you understand why us Ryans get upset when the bee is put accidentally
• 57:00
  in front of the R. There's no bee.
• 57:03
  It's just an R. We're a different breed bastards.
• 57:07
  All right.
• 57:07
  Kearns: Very nice.
• 57:09
  Jon: number three is Tracy Bregman in Happy Birthday to me.
• 57:15
  Ryan: It's a good film too.
• 57:17
  Jon: so she's Lauren Fen more in the young and the restless
• 57:20
  and the bold and the beautiful.
• 57:22
  And she's in some episodes of days of our lives also.
• 57:25
  So she plays Ann Thomason in Happy Birthday to me, the main antagonist
• 57:30
  who's Deser determined to exact bloody revenge on her half-sister,
• 57:36
  who she believes destroyed her family.
• 57:39
  Kearns: Wow.
• 57:40
  Ryan: Okay.
• 57:42
  Jon: My number two, I bet you guys didn't know there was a soap opera
• 57:46
  actor in this one is Jaws two?
• 57:49
  Ryan: Really?
• 57:51
  Jon: Yep.
• 57:52
  Joe who was Stefano DeMiro, who's like one of the main villains in Days of Our Lives.
• 57:59
  Ryan: Okay.
• 57:59
  Jon: and the Beautiful and he was on General Hospital.
• 58:01
  He Len Peterson, the town council member who convinces Mayor
• 58:07
  Vaughn to Fire Chief Brody.
• 58:11
  Ryan: Well, he kept playing an antagonist.
• 58:13
  We know.
• 58:14
  Jon: Yep.
• 58:15
  Yeah, he was good at it.
• 58:17
  I mean, in a soap opera sense.
• 58:20
  And my number one for this version of this list is Kelly Monaco Idle Hands.
• 58:28
  Ryan: Okay,
• 58:29
  Kearns: I gotta look her her up.
• 58:32
  Jon: was in Get Ready for this number,
• 58:35
  Kearns: recognize her.
• 58:38
  Jon: episodes of General Hospital.
• 58:41
  Ryan: that's a lot.
• 58:43
  Jon: That's a lot of episodes.
• 58:44
  That's
• 58:46
  Ryan: 30 years,
• 58:48
  Jon: probably pretty close.
• 58:50
  Ryan: like five days a week, 52 times 5, 250.
• 58:59
  Some episodes a year.
• 59:00
  2 52,
• 59:02
  Jon: Yeah.
• 59:02
  Yeah.
• 59:03
  Ryan: Ooh.
• 59:03
  Kearns: at that.
• 59:05
  Jon: A lot of, lot of general hospital.
• 59:08
  So in Idle Hand she plays Tiffany whose neck the hand breaks she's in Kiss Maker.
• 59:17
  Kearns: Oh, cool.
• 59:19
  Ryan: Love it.
• 59:19
  Kearns: That's
• 59:20
  Jon: Yeah,
• 59:22
  Kearns: All right.
• 59:23
  That was your number one.
• 59:24
  Jon: that was my number one.
• 59:26
  Kearns: All right, everybody.
• 59:27
  So that was Perha 1978 you know, maybe episode, we're going out of order now.
• 59:33
  So we don't know when this will air.
• 59:35
  But yeah, everybody hope you enjoyed it and catch us next time.
• 59:38
  All right.
• 59:38
  Ryan: Have a good one.
• 59:40
  Jon: See ya.