Latest / Pod Save America / Build The Life You Want, Episode 1 with Oprah Winfrey

Transcript

Build The Life You Want, Episode 1 with Oprah Winfrey · Pod Save America

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey everybody, Jon Lovett here. We're in a stressful election year,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and we can't stay engaged if we don't find ways
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: to stay sane and happy. You think Joe Biden's tense
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: all the time? No, he's eating an ice cream cone.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: He's playing fetch with his terrifying attack dog. He's taking
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: care of himself. So while we're away today, please enjoy
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: this episode of Oprah's Super Soul Podcast, Build the Life
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: You Want, Episode 1, to help you gird your mental
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: loins for these chaotic months ahead. In this clip, Oprah
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: talks about social media's impact as a platform for negativity,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and how to take control of enhancing your own happiness.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Take a listen, and if you like what you hear,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: make sure to follow Oprah's Super Soul podcast wherever you
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: get your podcasts. I'm glad we could be here to
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: help give Oprah the bump she needs.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, me too. I think she's going places.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: And of course, you're going to like it.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: It's Oprah.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Roll the clip. So we decided to do a three-part series, y'all,
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: to dive further into the book here on Super Soul because...
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: my intention for this platform has always been to enhance
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: the human experience and to bring you information that will
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: open up your life. So I know that you listeners
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: are interested in learning new ways to explore a life
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: with meaning and purpose, which is what you, Arthur, are
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: all about. And before we get started, I think you
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: should tell everyone actually about your day job or what
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: you do.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my day job is I'm a teacher.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I'm a college professor. I teach the science of happiness
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: at the Harvard Business School. I also teach at the
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Harvard Kennedy School, which trains people to go work in government.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: And I research and think and teach about behavior, human behavior,
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: what motivates people to do what they do. I'm a
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: social scientist.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Yes. I was going to say, you don't just teach there.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: You are actually a scientist.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I've been a social scientist for the past
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: 30 years. That's what I've been doing with my life.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: A PhD social scientist.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Indeed. Indeed. And people ask, you're a professor. I say, yeah,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Harvard Business School. They say, what do you teach? Accounting, finance, marketing,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: supply chain, management, something really practical like that. I say, no,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I teach happiness. And they think I'm lying.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: But I teach happiness with the same seriousness that you
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: would teach supply chain management. Look, your life is an enterprise.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Your life is your startup. Treat it as such. Treat
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: it with seriousness. Treat the inside of your head the
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: same way you would treat your P & L statement
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: is the bottom line.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Your life is your startup, the biggest startup you're ever
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: going to have.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Totally. It's the best enterprise you could be part of
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: and the most serious one at that.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So on this series, we're exploring the ideas in
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: the book where Arthur... the author, offers science-based practices and
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: wisdom that anybody can use to become happier. I call
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: it happier-ness.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: It was so good that you coined that. It's helpful
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: to me because for the longest time, people would say,
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: you know, the goal is happiness. And I would say, no,
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: it's getting happier, but that doesn't have a ring to it.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: And I told you that for the first time. And
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: you said, so the goal is happier-ness.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: It's happier-ness.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: It's the right word.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. I love it.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: And now people are saying it. My students are saying it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah. We need a t-shirt.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Before we dive into the book, let's talk about your
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: own journey though, because people want to know your story
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: because you are the professor of happiness. And how did
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: you get here at age 55? You left a very
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: successful career and you were chief executive of a think tank.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: And now you, then you started studying happiness. Was it
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: to bring greater happiness to yourself?
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: For sure. And, and other people, you go through kind
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: of a not necessarily a dark night of the soul,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: but at certain points of your life, there are hinge
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: points when you have to ask yourself, why am I
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: doing what I'm doing? And what is the mission of
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: my own life? And the truth is, as I thought
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: about it and prayed about it and talked to the
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: people I love about it, it was very clear. The
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: mission of my life is to lift people up and
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: bring them together. And ideas of love and happiness, using.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: Well, you were also doing that with the think tank, right?
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I was trying, but it was good. It was good.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I was grateful for having done that. I did that
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: for 11 years, but it was time for somebody else
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: to do that. And at 55, I still had plenty
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: of gas in the tank. And I wanted to use
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: everything that I knew for other people and, quite frankly,
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: for me too. I wanted to dig into this thing
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: that we now call happierness and see whether or not
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: it was achievable in my own life. And if it was,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: could I bring it to others?
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, studies are showing that America is in
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: a happiness slump. I don't think you even need a
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: study to figure that out. You just look around you
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: or you turn on your computer, you look at your phone.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I mean, the news, the conspiracy theories, what is going on?
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it's true. I mean, the data are unambiguous.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: The experience that we all have that it feels like
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: people are less happy, it's true. And there's kind of
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: two things that we need to understand. You could say
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: that there's Problems in the climate and problems in the weather.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: The climate has been changing for happiness for decades now.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Since the late 80s, maybe the early 90s, people have
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: been gradually getting a little less happy year after year
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: after year, just a little tiny bit. And that has
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: to do with the fact that people are less likely
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: to live a spiritual or religious life or find a
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: life of meaning in those institutions. They're less likely to
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: have a close relationship with their families. People have fewer
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: and fewer friends who know them well. People have less
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: of a sense that they're serving others with their work.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: That's the climate. And that's been a problem for a
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: long time. Then there's weather, storms. There have been two
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: big storms in the past couple of decades that we
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: have to pay attention to. The first was around 2008, 2009. Now,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I know everybody watching us is like, oh, obviously the
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: financial crisis.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: Uh-uh.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: That wasn't it.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I thought it was.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: It was social media. Same time.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: That's when everybody started looking at social media.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: That's right, 2009. That's when I got on what used
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: to be Twitter.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the artist formerly known as Twitter. Exactly right. And
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: a couple of things were happening. So Twitter, for example,
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: became a platform for people to be intensely negative. Instagram
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: is not the same way. It's more of a platform
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: for people to compare themselves to others. But that had
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: a big impact, especially on young people, especially on women
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: and girls 15 to 25 years old. It created a
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: new kind of culture that was intensely comparative and problematic.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: So social media actually, where people think it's bringing you
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: closer together and you're communicating on Facebook, it's actually made
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: people less happy.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Lonelier. Lonelier.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Here's the weird thing. When you're super hungry and it's like, oh, man,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I haven't eaten in hours and hours and hours, and
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: you pass by a fast food place, you're like, good,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: that'll get the job done. And so you gorge yourself
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: and you're stuffed. You don't feel so good. An hour later,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: you're hungry again. What's up with that? The answer is
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: you didn't meet your nutrient needs. All you met is
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: your caloric needs. And so the result is you stay
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: hungry even though you don't need the calories. Social media
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: is the junk food of social life. It's like getting
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: all of your calories.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: That is a tweetable moment, but we don't tweet anymore.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: We X, what do we do?
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: We X, is that what we call it?
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: I don't know what you do.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I don't know. But so that's like getting all your
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: meals at 7-Eleven.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: Social media is the junk food.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Of social life. Social media is the junk food of
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: social life. You'll get too many calories and not enough nutrients.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: That's the reason you'll binge and get lonelier. Yes. That's
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: a problem.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: And a lot of young people have never developed in
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: a way where they can finally figure out how to
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: use it responsibly.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: What's going to happen to the generation that was born
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: at that time and that's all they've ever known?
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: We don't know. That's a big social experiment. That's a
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: massive social experiment.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: That we're in the midst of right now.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's not as if social media is all evil.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I mean, you can use it responsibly.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: If you would not let somebody into your house who
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: bears you ill will, you shouldn't let them into your head.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: And that means you shouldn't be looking at the social
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: media where somebody can be tweeting at you or X-ing
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: at you or telling you that you're this, you're that, frankly.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: That's a big problem. That's the storm. That's sort of
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: a century. Wow. So.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: Let's get happier.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Let's do that.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: Let's get happier. On page five, you say, happiness is
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: not a destination. Happiness is a direction. I know that
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: was a shift in mindset for many who are reading
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: this book. Can you expand a little bit on that?
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah. The problem with happiness is such a funny thing
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: because we all want it. Every philosopher and theologian has
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: talked about it. How many times have people said that
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: on your show?
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: I know. That's what I say in the beginning of
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: the book, that Thousands of times. I became interested in
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: this subject because every time I would sit with the
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: audience and I'd say, what do you want? Everybody would
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: always say, multiple people would answer, I just want to
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: be happy. I just want to be happy. But yet
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: when you ask them, what does that look like for them?
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: Hard to define.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: For sure. And part of the reason is because it's
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: not something that you can define in any meaningful way.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: We think it's a feeling. We think it's a destination.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: It isn't either. happy feelings are nothing more than emotions,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: and emotions are nothing more than information that we need
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: in reaction to the outside environment. And as a destination,
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: why would you want to be completely happy as the destination?
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: You'd be dead in a week because you actually need
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: negative emotions and experiences to train you, to keep you vigilant,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: to keep you safe, and to be happy.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, to keep you alert, to keep you on it. Yeah, yeah.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, maybe when I die and I'm in heaven
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: and I see the face of God, The beatific vision
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: will be pure happiness, but on earth, I'm telling you,
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: I need my negative emotions to keep me alive and safe.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: I need my negative experiences to learn and grow. And
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: so that's what people, they want to stay alive and safe,
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: but they don't want the feelings that keep them alive
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: and safe. And that's this conflict that they have, which
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: is why they feel so unsettled.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I think, particularly in this world of social media,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: people think if I just get that, I mean, I
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: see people toasting on private jets and I see them,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: you know, on beaches and, you know, hair, their hair
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: blowing in the wind and all that. And people think, well,
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: if I just had that, I could be happy. But
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: we know, you have the science to back it up,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: that there are really four pillars. And if you don't
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: have all of those pillars working in your life, you
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: will eventually... end up feeling not necessarily sad, but lonely
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: or distanced or disconnected.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: So the four pillars are.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the four pillars. There's kind of the four pillars
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: you think that you need and those four pillars that
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: you really do need. The idols, the things that look
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: right but aren't, are money, power, pleasure, and fame. Those
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: are the things that Mother Nature says. You get those,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: you're going to be happy.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Money, power, pleasure, and fame.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: That's right, but she lies. Mother Nature lies. She lies
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: a lot because she wants us to keep running, running, running, running, running.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Is Mother Nature telling us that or is society telling
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: us that? I think Mother Nature is telling us that
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: it's the four pillars.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Well, Mother Nature gives us these imperatives because she wants
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: us to be hungry. She wants us to survive and
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: pass on our genes. The way that you do that
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: is with money, power, pleasure, and fame. And she doesn't
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: want us to figure out that those things never really
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: satisfy so that we'll keep running and running and running.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: That's called the hedonic treadmill. What we really want, and
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: this is backed up by a lot of psychology, neuroscience,
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: behavioral economics, all the research that we want, is that
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: there's kind of four things that are the virtuous things
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: that we should be looking for. The mother nature doesn't
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: necessarily tell us, but that if we take the divine
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: path in life, religious or not religiously understood, a better
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: path in life, we'll be happy. And those are our faith, family, friends,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: and work that serves. Now, if you give any teenage
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: kid the choice between money, power, pleasure, and honor, or faith, family,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: good friends, and good times, and a work that serves others,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, what are they going to take? I mean,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: our society does aid and abet Mother Nature's lie. Because
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: the marketing colossus tells us that if you get that car, man,
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: you're going to be really happy. If you get that job,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: you get that money. if you get that 100,000 Instagram
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: followers or whatever your number happens to be, it's never
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: high enough, by the way, you're going to be happy.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: But that's a lie is the bottom line. There's nothing
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: wrong with those things. But if you get those things,
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: if we are so lucky to get those things, they
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: should only ever be in service of the big four,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: the good four. They should only ever be in service.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: They should be intermediate goals, a rest stop in the
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: New Jersey turnpike, Manhattan, where you're trying to get, is faith, faith.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: And by that, How do you use.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: That money, power, pleasure, and fame to enhance your faith, family,
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: and work?
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: And friendship.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: And friendships.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: Basically, your love.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Yes, your love.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: The love in your life and the love in the
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: lives of the people around you. That's really what those
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: worldly goals should be used for if you want to
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: have any shot at true happiness.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: You just heard a clip from Super Soul, a weekly
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: podcast where Oprah discovers ways to connect the deeper meaning
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: of the world around you And you loved it, right?
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Because it's Oprah. You don't need my endorsement, Oprah. You're Oprah.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Make sure to listen to and follow Oprah's Super Soul
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.