Latest / Untraditionally Lala / An Unlikely Affair: We Spiral, We Cope, We Repeat

Transcript

An Unlikely Affair: We Spiral, We Cope, We Repeat · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, amber Hilelah, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey, babes,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: it is La La Kent with my gorgeous co host
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: that I had the luxury of sharing a bed with
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: last night.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: M good morning, I Ambera.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: It's so every time I'm in a spiral, it's always
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: on the days where you're landing that night, and I'm like.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, is it because of babe?
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: God? No, no, it literally brings me back and I'm like, oh,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: thank god if my security blanket's going to be here later.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: That's how I feel about you.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Really.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: I start going through withdrawals, I'm like, I gotta go,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I gotta go to La.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think it's fine. Are we developing a
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: codependent relationship?
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Do you think we have been in a codependent relationship?
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: We've done there, We're just identifying it now.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, there's just so much I need to look into
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: as I get older, and I think I've done the work,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: and then I'm just in introduce to more experiences and
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, not more work to be done. I'm exhausted.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I don't care, Like, we don't need to label it,
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: we don't need to name it. We have a great
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: beautiful friendship.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: And it's and it's mutual.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not running from well maybe i am. No,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: you've never been a runner, eh, even I know that's
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the problem with me. Oh, you will take care of
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: me like I'm a baby bird. And I appreciate that.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: And I love that this podcast is happening today because
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: when we talk about our mental health and talk about
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: what gives us anxiety and how we deal with it,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: actually a lot of people have reached out and wanted
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: that to be like a main topic. And just recently
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: since my mom's hip surgery, I'm not sure what's going
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: on with her, probably because she has a foreign object
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: in her body and it hasn't even been like three
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: months and then just like anthesia and all the medication.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: But she's been explaining to me how she's been feeling,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, you, for the first time in
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: your sixty five years on Earth, are experiencing anxiety. This
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: is what most people are living with on a regular basis.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: And this showed up out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. Wow.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: We went to an event the other night and she's
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: in the car and I'm at vallet. Everyone gets out
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, do you want to get out? Mom?
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: And she was like, no, I'm nervous. I feel anxious.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: What are you anxious about?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: She's I don't know the unknown, I don't know anyone here.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you have never said that, And I
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: was like, just so you know you're not alone. When
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: you tell Easton and I that we should get out more,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: we don't because of what you're feeling right now.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I wonder if she's always had that, or this is
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: a new thing and she's now she's like or she's
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: identifying it now for the first time.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: In her life.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do not like it.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Just the fact that she didn't experience that post your
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: dad dying is.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Crazy, crazy, right, So I don't Maybe.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: She's just been numb and now she's finally like forcing like,
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: you know, acknowledging her, trying to identify what the heck's
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: going on.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: You texted me yesterday and you were like, I just
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: had the worst anxiety. Wait tell me? Can I tell you?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have said, are you okay? I
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: thought that this was just because this was the episode,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: that that was just a story that you'd experienced in
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: your lifetime. Nobody realized it had happened that morning. What
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: did I text you?
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: I said, my anxiety this morning and how I thought
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: I did not.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: Read this morning. I'm a skimmer.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, all right, I'm glad we clear that it for
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: future text messages. I said, I almost went to the
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: hospital my like, I need to talk about this. So
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: basically the last two weeks, I've been off my antidepressant
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: for four months now. I've been on it since I
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: was twenty one. After I had London, I had serious
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: postpartum and I never really got off of it. I've
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: tried to wean off of it, but it's like for
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: anyone who has done antidepressants, it's really hard, especially when
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: you've taken them for so many years. They just become
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: a part of your daily routine. So it's been four months,
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: and was there.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: A reason you chose to like get off of them.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: I thought I was fine, And that's like the quintessential thing, like,
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, everything's fine.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I don't need them anymore. But I'll tell you what.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: I was on pristique for a long time, many many years,
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: and I felt like it wasn't working anymore. So then
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: I went to Well Buttrin, and that was a complete
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: shit show. Like anyone who has add and anxiety and
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: then you take well Buttrin.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: It just didn't work for me.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: And I think I've have many friends who have this
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: same experience with Well Buttrin.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: My body just didn't like it.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: I felt like I was having a heart attack on
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: top of having anxiety. So then I went to I
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: don't even know what the last one. I was on
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: for like three weeks and my sister. I went over
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: to my sister's house one day and I was like, gosh, Autumn,
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: I'm not feeling myself, Like I feel like super numb,
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: like just not I can't access and she's like, it's
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: like you're dead, and oh she could feel it. She's
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: like one hundred percent. So I was like, Okay, I
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: need to get off of this. It's not working for me,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: especially with doing auditions, and like I need to I.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Need to need to access the emotions. Yeah, I need
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: to feel stuff.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: So uh so I was like, you know what, I'm
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: going to just get off everything and just post and
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: let me tell you the last two weeks, I have
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: had the worst anxiety of my life, where I literally
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: have to like lay in my bed with my heating
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: pad on my twenty pounds.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Weighted blanket. It's so messed up.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: So I'm very conflicted right now because I want to
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I want to stay off medication if I can, but
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: I know that what I'm feeling every morning, I like
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: my my and I explained this on the last episode
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: when Tamsen was on that when you experience such bad anxiety,
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: and it's not like my heart's racing, that happens more
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: when I have like a panic attack, my heart is sore,
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: like it's like a muscle that's like worked out really hard.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: And then I feel it the next day, and.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Then I'm exhausted because I've exhausted myself from the previous day,
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: and then I'm tired and I need a recovery day.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: So I don't know if I don't know if I'm
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: going to go back on it. I definitely know I need.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: I'm going to do some hormones at some point to
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: get my hormones all regulated.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: But shit, it's that's what you.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Were talking about with my mom last night too. Yeah,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: about the hormones. I think I want to do a
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: full panel as well. Yeah, I feel I was on
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: an anti anxiety anti depressant when I was in my twenties,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: and then I got sober. Like I was taking them,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I would take it with like a shot of vodka.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: It was like, not good, that's amazing, not good. I've
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: done that with my zannies and some wine. I took
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: a lot of shit to the face and then face
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: chugged vodka. Like you name it the anti anxiety and antidepressant.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: What's that? What's the face to clear? Oh? Oh oh?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Acutane, which is literally like, do not drink alcohol.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Your liver will be funn Are you out of your mind?
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's called an addict. It's called an addict. So
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: then once I got sober, I was like, I don't
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: know that I need this medication anymore because I think
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: that my anxiety and depression was coming from drinking excessively.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I have not been on medication since then. Everything was very,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: very manageable, because my whole thing is if it's manageable,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: like we all have emotions and we can work through them.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not telling anyone what to do. Don't drop your medication.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: For me, That's what I felt was best. And then
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: all of the sudden. In the past year, I have
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: just felt like I have an elephant on my chest
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm gonna die.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I feel like this is how I die.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, so I'm not on a medication, but I
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: do beta block.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: So you never.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Experienced anxiety when you were younger, like as a child, Yeah,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that I did, But I feel like it
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: was situational anxiety, like a test is coming that gives
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: me anxiety, right right? You know it wasn't just like
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: waking up and feeling it. But I also feel like
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: it's a hormonal thing because I'm like, why am I
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: not sleeping like I slept in high school. I could
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: sleep until ten ten am straight cruising. I could stay
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: in bed and not feel guilty about it at all. No,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I know, And now I'm like, what happened? It's like, well, life,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: because you're a grown adult who can't just hang out
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: in the bed until one.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Now I feel also too, with my kids being older,
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: I feel this extra pressure not to show them when
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: I'm justsregulated as a human, which my kids have seen
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: me cry a handful of times, like mom's upset or
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: you know, they'll just like see me in my room
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: and I'll just say, like I need a minute, But
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: they feel that stuff, and so now it's like that
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: extra pressure of not to be anxious around them.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Right, do you think that that's a good or a
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: bad thing? Like there are times where I go back
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: and forth where I'm like, my kids need to see
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: someone who's strong. But then on the flip side, they're
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: gonna get older and experience those emotions too, and if
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: they have nothing to kind of relate it to where
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: they can go, oh, like, this is what happens when
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: you get older and there's pressures, Like I've seen my mom.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Like my biggest thing when I look back is there
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: were moments where I saw my parents argue. But the
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: important part that I took with me was that I
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: saw them make up. Right, Yeah, so nothing in my
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: house was really hidden. If my mom was fucking mad
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: at my dad, like the whole house was gonna fucking know,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: depending on who you ask. It's like, you don't do
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: that in front of the kids. You do it behind
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: closed doors. But then when your child gets older and
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: they're like, wait, arguments happen. I've never experienced this before.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, arguments happen. How are you going to
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: deal with it?
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Well, I saw my.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Parents make up, so yeah, as long as people aren't
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: like chucking shit across the room, you know what I mean?
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: Do you find that anxiety when it shows up? It
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: shows up in your like your relationships or when.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: You date someone.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Since I have started putting myself out there with men,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: my piece has been so disrupted, which, by the way,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: is my own problem. That's my own issue, and I've
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: got it. I've obviously, when you're putting yourself out there
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: and your heart, you're going to have moments where you're
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: not at ease, right.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: But I have to be able to deal with that.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Like there was a period of time where I could
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: not even be mentally present with my children. It was
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: like a week straight where I was with them, but
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I was not with them.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and then I yes, and.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Then I get angry at the person. I'm like, it's
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: not their problem, this is me. I am in full
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I can't control you. I can control me. But usually
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I would say that's never going to happen again. I'll
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: date when my kids are older. I'm not putting myself
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: out there because it's not worth it now. I'm understanding
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: that I have to go out into the world and
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: put the tools that I've been working on to use.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: You have to otherwise all of the tools that I
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: have are going to be shiny and pretty and they
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: will have never been used. Just like I must continue
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: to put myself out there and learn from each experience.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: But the guy who caused all of this, Amber told
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: me last night because it's been a back and forth,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: and she goes, is he's still in your phone? And
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, I deleted his contact and she goes, no,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: you need to block him. He should not be allowed
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: to contact you any longer. All night long, I tossed, turned,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I was having dreams about him doing shitty fucking things.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: And this morning I literally woke up.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Before my alarm went off and I was like, I
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: am blocking him in every aspect. I never want him
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: to contact me again. I walked into our workout today
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: so mentally free. I feel like I cut the cord. Woo. Yes,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: it felt so grue I was like, why do I
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: feel like I just like threw up and shit everywhere
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: and feel awesome?
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: So light.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world. It is
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: the best you know what anxiety is. Someone told me
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: this recently, which I love, the anticipation of suffering.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Oh that's brutal, and it's true. Oh, I will say,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: that's so true because during the time of my custody situation,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: my anxiety came from the unknown and had and it
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: was brutal. But when I think about taking it more
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: of like a hurdle race and the things that I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: actually was in a room dealing with that was way
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: less stressful than what I thought it was going to be.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Like all of the suffering came from. Now, it's still brutal,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: you know what we went through. But that makes so
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: much sense because I saw something the other day that
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: was like remembered that the thought of something is always
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: scarier than the actual event. I'll never forget I was.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It was the last time I was in court and.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I eat. I don't think anyone loves it, do that.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: No.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like some people really like it, like lawyers. Yeah,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: I think like thriving.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: Right. I feel like some people walk in even to
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: like enjoy suing other people, right, I feel like there
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: are those people out there in the world.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: It was It was straight out of a scene from
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: a movie.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: We were like first on the docket, so it was
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: like an eight am and I was sitting there on
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: the bench and I was trying to distract myself by
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: like reading a magazine that.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I had brought.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: And I had the worst anxiety in my life. And
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: it wasn't about going in front of the judge because
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: I felt very confident in what I was showing up for.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: Like was no one really wins in court, that's what
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: especially in family corps, I like to say. But I
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: knew I had strong evidence, right, I knew what I
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: was walking into. It was the anticipation of seeing him again,
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: and that that that's suffering.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Like I felt like.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: It was just the crazy, craziest out of body experience.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: Have you ever been so anxious about something and you're
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: sitting there and you're not even in your body.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is so weird to me.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you want to you want to run, but
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: you feel like but you feel stuck. At the same
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: time you want to crawl out of your own skin.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: And I'll never forget him getting off of the elevator.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: There's no one in the hallway downtown, no one. It
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: was like I had died, right and this was like
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: it was so eerie and just him walking and that
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: feeling that I had of like being so anxious just
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: to have to deal with this once again.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: M hmm. There's not one person on this planet besides
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: him where the moment I know that I have to
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: see him, even this far in where I'm like, I
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm entering the devil's lair. Yeah, it makes
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: me physically sick to my stomach. Yeah, and I never
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: make eye contact.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: You know what, going back to when you asked did
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I have anxiety as a kid, My anxiety, if I
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: could pinpoint it where it was kind of like I
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: would wake up with it, was when the reces hit
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: and my dad lost everything. Because I had never experienced
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: financial my family have financial stressors, and that's a really
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: tough one to You can't work through that unless someone
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: just hands you a pile of money, right right, you know.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a one day at a time kind of situation.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I felt though I was like out at
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: the age of eighteen, trying to book jobs just so
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I could try and help in any way possible. Same
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: with Easton. That's when I was like, oh, this is
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: some real heavy shit where there's nothing anyone can say
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: to make it.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Better, Right, it just is. Yeah, it just is.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: You know, with heartbreak, you know that that's going to pass, right,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: and someone can make you feel better. You can go
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: and get your mind off of it. How do you
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: get your mind off of money troubles? Well let's go here.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: All right, Well that costs money. So did you hear
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: anything I said, we don't have money right now? Yeah,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: fucking idiot. And then I watch housewives like og housewives
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: and every single person who was in the same line
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: of work that my dad was in. Also, so that
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: makes you feel Actually, that makes you feel a lot better.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Surround yourself with people who are also struggling with money, that'll.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Make you feel Yeah, you're not supposed to do that.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Oh you want to go with the rich people to
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: remind you that they're not struggling with money?
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Are you kidding me? Maybe you're right, Maybe you're right,
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: you're right.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: You want to be around.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: People who are like, this is fucking brutal.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I had everything I could possibly want, and it all
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: just in the blink of an eye was completely gone
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: and had shifted.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a sicko.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Where I would use that and to hang around people
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: that I'm inspired by and find someone in the room
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: that I want what they have. Yeah, it gives me motivation.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Like I'm the opposite, Like you tell me, like, no,
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: you can't have that, I'm like, watch, motherfucker, I'm gonna
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: get it.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: But that that toow thousand and eight recession, it was
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: very hard to get. I mean, everybody like tightened the
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: what purse strings is that it was intense. And what's
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: sad is I didn't even experience it the way most
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: people did. Like my mom's parents had passed away. She
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: got inheritance that we lived off of. My mom continued
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: to go to work, but I mean in that moment,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I watched my dad's health decline significantly.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: We lost them at the age of sixty four. Yeah,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: it's stress.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: It was the stress of just that time on everything
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: had changed.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: Do you ever find yourself in positions where you're in
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: high pressure moments and you actually are able to use
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: your anxiety to actually perform better in like a positive way.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: What's wild is my personal stressors in personal life, dealing
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: with men, those moments take me out mentally more than
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: high pressure in like a business set right, I'm like
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: when I feel that pressure, I'm like firing off text messages,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: making phone calls, harassing people, like making a shore yesterday.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, high, Yeah.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Let's fucking go. There's money in the world. I've seen it.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: I wonder what the difference is and how you can
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: when I say you, I'm at the universal you like,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: how do you navigate that? Like how do you flip
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: that narrative? Where like in personal because I guess business
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: wise it doesn't. It doesn't hit your heart, whereas when
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: it's romantic relationships, it hits your.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Heart right, which my nermotion has not been exercised in
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: a very long time.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it takes practice a lot of practice.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because even with our ex my heart was invested
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: in ocean, nothing else. So even that was a different
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: kind of heartache. Heartache when it comes to I'm giving
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: my self intimately and mentally fit all of the things,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: as well as my friendship to a man that part
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: of me has not been exercised used in probably ten years.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Mm hm.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: So I there's moments where I crack under pressure, Like
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I could never be an athlete, I would never get
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: us to the championship. I won't even get us to
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: the playoffs because that type of pressure breaks me really.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, Like when when I am watching like a basketball
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: game or football game and the crowd is going crazy
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: and the announcers on is like, dang friends, if that
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: were like everyone shut the fuck up, like I would
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: lose my mind.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: So you you're not competitive? I don't because I am competitive.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: No, I don't think you're competitive because I feel like
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: a competitive athlete.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: They throw under that pressure like big time.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Or they're just so numb to it, right, these guys
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: that have been playing balld, they've been doing this forever
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: that they don't even hear the crowd anymore.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Can you imagine being on the free throw line and
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: everyone it's like.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the opposite team, and by the way, both
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: teams are getting the exact same reaction.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: It's like either boo or yeah. It's like, oh my god,
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I did everyone to go away? Can we clear the room?
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: This is a closed set for the free throws.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: I especially on set for me, I thrive in that
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: kind of pressure, like when the director's like, Okay, I
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: really need you.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: To give this, take your all, and I want you
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: that I can do Okay, yeah, great, it's very situational
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: for me.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, my anxiety's depression happy moments.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Everything's very new once now see.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about the difference between anxiety and depression,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: because I have both. There's medication for both, because I
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: was only on one med for both.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: What do you think you're talking to?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, you're talking to the pharmacist right here. Okay,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I have taken everything. Depression is a motherfucker. It's different
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: than anxiety. Anxiety feels like I think I would almost
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: rather have anxiety than depression. If you got to pick
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: your poison. Depression, Yeah, it's tough, is fucking dark.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, keep going.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: I didn't mean to cut your I was in a
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: ba in sobriety. I went through a bad depression for
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: like three months where I was like, why do I
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: want to be here?
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: My kids would be fine without me? Like I went
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: fucking dark, and.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: It takes you to dark places and you're like then
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: you snap out of it.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: And you're like, who am I? Like this is not me?
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: And I thank god I have sobriety because can you
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: imagine going through that and then using drugs and alcohol
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: to numb you. That's when it goes sideways. That's when
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: it can go real sideways.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Because the next day it's the every emotion.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Is yeah, yeah, it's wild.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Anxiety is like such a different experience for me, and
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I think it. Remember when Chris Medina said, don't confuse
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: anxiety and excitement. Yeah, I'm very well aware of that now,
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: Like I'm like, am I feeling anxiety or if I
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: am I feeling excited?
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes there is for me.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: It's usually anxiety for me too. But like when I
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: was filming the last show I was on, I would
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: always think I was having anxiety and I was actually
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: really excited to go and film filming this season of
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: The Valley.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, this is not excitement. This is sheer terror.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: I don't want to leave the house. I have PTSD.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: This is really anxiety.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: For the first time I understood what anxiety felt like
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: during filming a reality TV show.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know how.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: Many people go to the hospital thinking that they're having
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: a heart attack and they're like.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Hey, it's anxiety. Yeah.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: What's crazy to me is that men experience all of
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: these emotions so differently.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: It's almost not fair. And there usually is a heart attack.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah that's true. Well no, yes, actually, yeah, that's true.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I was saying it's hard because when I have anxiety,
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: my legs go numb.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: That day I couldn't drive.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I literally, yes, my legs, my whole lower body.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I couldn't feel anything.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, So I'm a complete psychopath on airplanes, And it
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: doesn't matter if I'm sitting in coach in business or
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: first I walk onto that airplane and first of all,
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: usually i'm twenty four hours like before the flight, and
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: I get that like okay, it's time for you to
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: check in.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: It's like green.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: The anxiety starts sometimes when I get on the plane.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: How do you check into a flight? That's a different conversation.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever done that before. Oh my god,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: how do you check in? Yeah?
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: You go to the app and you hit check in.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Are you checking any of the bags?
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: No?
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, I can't do I So if i' what
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: I have to teach you.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Hold on, if I did that beforehand, I wouldn't have
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: to go to the kiosk at the airportl No, my
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: mind is blown.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I'm doing that. Everybody is doing that. You're just not
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: doing that.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Those kiosks are popping when I get there,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: so not everyone's doing it.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is true, not kiosks. Is that a kiosk?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: What is that thing? Okay?
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, last night we were trying to book our flights
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: for Montana to go to for the fourth of July.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: My mom was like, I can't do it. I was like,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: don't look at me. I don't even I can't remember
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: the last I don't think I've ever booked a flight
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: in my life.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: Really. Yeah, oh my gosh. That makes me anxious for you,
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: not me. I'm thriving. I'm still on planes. I don't
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: know how I got there. Somehow we booked it. But
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: there's the ticket, all right, let's fucking go. Sorry. No,
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: I have the worst time flying. No, the worst time fight.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: We're Actually the difference between anxiety and then a full
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: on panic attack is for me is my legs go
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: numb and I can't and then so my legs are numb,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: and that's a panic attack and I'm shaking, Oh for sure,
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: for sure. And sometimes I remember a couple of flights.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: This started happening to me when I got pregnant with Riley.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, and I got off.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: I was on lexapro and my doctor was like, hey,
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: you have to you know you're pregnant. You have to
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: get off of it. And I was walking off planes.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: They would close the door and I'm like, let me
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: off of this plane. It's like the oxygen for me
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: is being sucked out of the air. I get dizzy.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Is it because you think something's gonna happen? It's I can't.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: I feel claustrophobic, and mean extremely claustrophobic. And so when
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: they're when it's hot and there's a lot of people,
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: and I feel like there's no place to escape, like
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: I can't run off this plane, like I'm stuck here.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Oh God, you're giving me a whole set of new anxieties.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I don't even think that way.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if there's a little turbulence, put me right
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: to book. It's like the turbulence doesn't the turbulence doesn't
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: always bother me.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: But when I fly to Denver, which is a complete bitch,
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: the turbulence.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: Is like.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: And you're like flipping slide on a plane.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: You're like, oh, ship, Like I really hope those guy's
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: up up there know what they're doing because.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: You hope he's like I was Sully's. I hope he's
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: sucking awake and sober. Did you see the Denzel Washington movie.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: I've watched it one hundred times.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: That is such a good movie.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: Where he doesn't throw the flight attendant under the bus.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I easily blamed it on the woman who died. Yeah,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: he fucking sacks that man go to prison, but he's sober.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Wow, great film, great film. I love a good Denzel movie. Okay, wait,
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: I like this one.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Let's talry about the listener's secret weapons for anxiety relief. Oh,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: closing your eyes and taking deep breaths. By the way,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: the moment that you can conquer the art of breathing,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: because that sounds like this is a great one, but
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: when you read it, you're like, well that sounds fucking stupid.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: No, when you conquer the art of breath work, it's beautiful.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: You have conquered Life's You've got life by the fucking balls.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, it is life.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Breathing is life, I know, but so many of us
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: are not breathing properly. And your breathing should be different
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: depending on what you're going through you.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: There was a woman that told.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Me, she is so good at her breathwork now that
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: she can literally make herself feel like she's high. I'm like,
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: that sounds like maybe your whole wait, you could almost
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: I've actually seen this on YouTube where you do breath
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: work and you actually make yourself orgasm through your breath work.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I need to learn how to do this.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: I would do it right now. I'm excited.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: To give me a second. So I sometimes when I
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: go on a plane, I'll put those no strips on
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: because my left nostril is collapsed.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: I just I couldn't figure out.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Is that like excuse to go get a nose job? No,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: you got a gorgeous night.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want anyone touching my nose.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: But I went to go see an E and T
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: and I said, I feel like I can't breathe, and
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: maybe this is why I'm having like extra anxiety lately.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: I'm not my body's not getting the oxygen. So he
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: took too like Q tips and he did this. He went,
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: oh my god, it was like life changing, life changing.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: So it's my left nostril that's collapsed, and there's like
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: a surgery that you could get done.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know what it's.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Called but I'm afraid because I heard it's really painful.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: But this nostril needs to go up a little bit
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: and I could, but there's so those breathe right.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Around like this.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I can breathe amazing.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: It's like your nose is helify. I did that.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: I did that the other day on a date unconsciously,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: and He's like everything came there.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I was like, no, I feel like I can't breathe.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: You're just having really incident conversation during the sexture like
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: hold on, yeah, much better.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: No, But the nose strips they work. I believe you.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: They work. And I'll wear them to the gym too,
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: because if I'm doing sprints on the.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: By the way, I wanted to actually start my own
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: company of the no strips, but make them like an accessory.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Did what did you say? Accessory? Accessory? Accessory?
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, accessory, Yeah, like access access accessory, accessory.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: What did I say? Accessory?
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Please never stop saying that she's gonna wear her accessories
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: to create I'm actually gonna.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Rename it accessory. Have you ever heard because.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: You're reassessing your breathing assss access as genius genius. We
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: may have woken up to you and here we come.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: Lexipro all day long, love it meds mes. Yeah, working
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: out the best, the best. I just can't get there.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: But working out and breathing.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: You got it? Like it always comes back to the breathing.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: This person says my vibrator.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I've noticed that.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm having a panic attack and I'm numb from
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: the waist down. There's nothing that having.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: A bit of anxiety, like it's like having a migraine.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Have you ever had a migraine and then had sex
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: and you have an orgasm?
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: It goes away in two seconds. I've never been with anyone.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: No one's been next to me when I've been fighting
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: a migraine. And usually I just want a dark room,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: silence and a heating pad.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: No, but it does work. Don't even get me started
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: on vibrators. My drawer.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I just got like ten new ones. My drawer is
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: filled to the brim.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Probably have them unless I maybe sex workers have more
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: of a full drawer.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: No, why would they have Why would a sex worker?
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: Just fun toys? You can use them on men.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, and men can use them on you like it's
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: fun to throw in a little toy.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: No, I've never done it.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Amber with all the sex you have, you've never used toys.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: How dared you say that about me? All right, not
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: a bad thing. It's so good saying not taboo. I
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: have not had having lots of sex is good.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I have not had a lot of sex, but I've
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: experienced different partners over the last three years, and I've
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: never used a toy. Okay, I've had a lot of sex,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: and I've used a lot of toys and not used
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of toys.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: And you prefer using toys.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: I just think having toys is fun, whether you're solo
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: or with somebody, because also when you're with someone multiple times,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: like you don't just want to be doing I don't know,
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: It's a little fun.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: No. Yeah, she's looking at me like I'm weird.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not. I just have never experienced that, So
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: let me try.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: This is the design between fucking twenty six year olds
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: and not. You know, you got to teach in some things,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: all right, all right? Well, micro dosing, how do you
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: say this word? Psilocybin psychedelic. It's a psychedelic compound found
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: in over two hundred species of fungi, commonly referred to
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: as magic mushroom.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: I've heard this works. I have two, and I'm not
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: mad about it.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: And to be honest, I think I would rather, even
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: in my sobriety, have someone give me micro dosing mushrooms.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Than an ssry over that. I agree, I agree with you.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I agree, Actually I agree. I really think that that
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: is a good option. Prozac. Prozac that takes away your
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: sex drive big time. I've been on that.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: Okay, I scream, go for it, I love this my
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: car with the windows up, and then cry.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: I do that a lot. I do that a lot.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: Have you ever seen the show dead to me?
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, she does that and she does what is
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: the music that she does on the headbanger music?
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: What is it called? Like it's like Metallica something like that.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: And she's in her car and she just shuts the
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: door and you just hear her turn on like music
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: that you wouldn't think that Christina Applegate's carried, and she
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: just starts.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Screaming, and I was like, oh damn, that's a moment.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: That is a moment, good moment. I love that moment
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: for her.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a moment in time where I would
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: scream in my car cry, and while I did that,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: I would listen to this song. I think her name's
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: Lauren Daegel, and it's basically about God when you don't
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: like move mountains or separate the waters for me, I'm
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: still going to trust in you. I'd listen to that
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: and then I would calm down, and then I would
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: listen to Break my Soul by Beyonce and we were
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: fucking back baby love that.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: Do you know what I've been listening to that actually
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: really helps me with my anxiety is justin Bieber's version
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: of Hallelujah.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: It is so good. Not everything hallelujh. Yeah, it's called
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: everything Hallelujah. Yeah.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: It's so good because it breaks it up to like
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: it's it's so simple. It's like I go for a walk,
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: hellu yah, I wake up, I brush my teeth. Hell
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: it's like taking every little thing like and breaking it
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: down to being grateful for every little thing, like Ylli Hellelujah,
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: baby Jack Hallelujah, Like, Okay, I'll stop.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: You got me. I like to escape reality by reading
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: this one. I think I will read it.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I could read an entire book and if I'm struggling
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: with anxiety, I don't know one word that I read.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really hard for me too. Dancing Can we
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: go back to that?
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah? You know what I like doing instead of reading?
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: What?
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: Watching comedy shows?
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Oh? Put on Friends or Seinfeld for me when I'm
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: in full panic and I am immediately regulated. Yeah you no,
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: every time you come to my house what's on?
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: But by the way, that totally put me to sleep
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: last night. It's the breast. It was the best.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: I didn't even take magnesium. Yeah, I didn't take a melotonein.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: It was just it was great.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: But dancing, yes, Oh I did a forebanger of Magnese
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: and a Valerian root.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we were cruising. Oh I love that. Yeah?
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: Great for sleep? I use what is sauge?
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: I've never heard of this stress release essential oil roller
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: on my temple's neck and wrists.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: How do you feel about the oils? They're not going
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: to work for me. I'm too fucked up for I
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: need something stronger. Making out always does the trick.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Just anyone buy you to kiss in your mind will
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: divert I'm obsessed with this person, and it's so true.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: I love that, Yeah, I was making out over the weekend.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: You just wanted to skim right over that. By the way, Well,
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: because what else do you say? I made out?
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: You did? And then what it's kind of where it
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: starts and ends, to be honest.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: You know, it doesn't end.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: You start making out and then there's a little four play, Yeah,
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: and then it usually ends.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: It did not end with full penetration.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm sorry, but that's because there were other people
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: in the room, which I'm not usually a person who's
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: down to like get touchy feeling and make out in PDA,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: no PDA in public, And it was like intimate, like
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: intimate where people it's like, yeah, that's uncomfortable.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Four of us, and then what are the other two
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: people supposed to be doing? Just watching? I don't get
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: each other? Start making out too? Maybe, well then it's
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: a party. Then it's like why don't we all just
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: join it?
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: Speaking of parties and making out, there's these things in
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: Los Angeles. Before I moved to Montana, I was hearing
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: about them. There's these sex parties. Yeah, have you heard
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: of them?
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Well, I've heard of sex parties. Is there something extraordinary
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: about the one you're talking about.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: Will you wear a mask?
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and no, no one knows who's who, and then
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: you go around each room.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: I know this sounds so naughty.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: The first time, I think in search party, which was
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: it's like a TV show on free Form or something
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: like that. So yes, I've never participated in one, but
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: I have heard of these.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so interesting. Maybe we'll try it out.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: I don't think I could try it out. I get
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: a little territorial long walks with you both on repeat. Oh,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: That's sweet. That is sweet. By the way, the walking
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: does help a ton.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've started walking around my neighborhood, which gives me
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: Utah vibes walks in la but my neighborhood is constantly
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: filled from the time the sun comes up until the
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: sun goes down with kids and people with strollers and dogs.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: I love it. That's the best feeling.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Dark room, laying in bed and focusing on your breath,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: feeling your chest inhale exhale. I couldn't do that because
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: that's when my depression would then sink in.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: Prayer. Oh, that's a big one. That is a huge one.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I'll sit in my bathtub and wait for the water
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: to fill up, and I will just out loud be
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: asking someone intervene.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: Hello, you want us all to think you exists? Buddy?
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: I literally to shine part the red sea.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: I have been in my house in Montana walking through
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: having just the worst anxiety of my life, and I
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: literally just stop what I'm doing and I'll like get
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: down on my knees in my living room.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, let's go toe to toe. Yeah.
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: I have to do this right now because I literally
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: cannot take another step forward.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Jesus take the will.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: You and I are the same person, by the way, Okay,
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: I want to end it on this one because this
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: one's so fucking good rebranding from what if blah blah
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: blah happens to what if it doesn't.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: I've been seeing this one this type of message a lot.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, for the most part, it does happen. What
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: if this doesn't work out? Well, spoiler alert, it's not going.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: To So how are you going stop think about it?
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: Instead of saying like, oh, I'm so worried that like
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: that I'm never going to find my person?
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: What if I never find my person? Ard comes in,
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: then you'll experience lifelong peace forever you're welcome.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Why does he have to be so old? God is
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: old as fuck? No he's not. He's a hot Tarzan
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: looking with a man bug. That's gush. Are they the same?
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: By the way, the same Jesus is not the same.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: On our next episode, we're going to be dissecting the
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: Trinity Jesus.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: Allah hold on. Really funny story.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Speaking of Allah, I was like a handful of months sober,
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: and we go to Mexico with our eggs to celebrate
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: my birthday. He takes me to a night club. I'm sober.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: They bring out magnum fucking bottles of grey Goose, my favorite,
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: my go to right vodka, and it's says they get
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: the letters mixed up, so instead of Happy Birthday, Lala,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: it says happy birthday Allah.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: I have to leave. If that's not a sign, I
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: don't know what it is.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: Cheers to you all and all your anxieties. May they
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: not last forever. Amber, I love you. Thank you everyone
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: for listening to another episode of An Unlikely Affair. Reminder
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: a new episode airs every Thursday night at nine pm.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: We will catch you guys next week. Bye bye,