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Can a narcissist ever love you permanently? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be answering the question, can a
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  narcissist fall in love permanently?
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  Like permanent love? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom, welcome back, welcome
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  back, welcome back. Yes, that's the question of the
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  hour, isn't it? Can a narcissist fall in love
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  permanently for good like this, like this?
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  Is it for them like the one like there is no well there.
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  It could be there could be a one that got away before we hop deep
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  in today's video. Y'all make sure you check in to
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  join in my one of my support groups or check out one of my
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  courses at courses dot mental illness that net.
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  But yes, yes, yes, yes, narcissistic people.
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  Y'all for me. Do I think that a narcissist can
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  be with one person for the entirety of their life?
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  Yes, I absolutely do truly believe that because like it, I
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  do believe to a certain extent that narcissistic people, right,
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  can fall in love permanently, but it might not be the quality
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  of love that the other person deserves.
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  You know, narcissistic people, I do believe a lot of narcissists
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  have the ability to love somebody else, right?
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  Love somebody else other than other than themselves, right?
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  But I don't think a lot of them have the ability to love
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  somebody else fully, like with no strings attached, without
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  conditions attached to that person.
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  Because we all, most of you, everybody knows that love from a
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  narcissist typically comes with strings attached.
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  Like you do something and the love gets pulled away.
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  So the permanent love I don't think really truly exists.
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  But I think the love can last a very long time.
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  The love y'all see the quotation marks, the air quotes.
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  The love can last for a very, very long time.
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  Maybe from childhood sweethearts until you're up into your 70s
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  and 80s. Maybe there isn't a direct
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  possibility of something happening.
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  Right Because I talked to so many people.
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  Oh my. Like I said, my support groups
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  and over zoom is whatnot. Do my Zoom still do my Zoom
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  calls that in these situations, I thought so many people that
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  have been with narcissists for so long and they're in their 60s
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  and 70s and 80s and whatnot and their relationship has still
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  gone on, you know, and like the narcissistic person, the, the
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  love comes in waves, it hits you in waves.
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  The ebbs and flows absolutely do happen within these relationship
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  dynamics, right? Like they will, like they can
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  and absolutely will take the love away or take the majority
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  of the love away. They can and will absolutely
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  devalue you and treat you badly. But in the mind of that
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  narcissist, they never stop fully loving you.
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  They never stop fully caring about you.
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  Right? But again, let me say this again
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  to y'all, the love that most narcissistic people give is not
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  going to be the quality that you as a survivor or thrive or the
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  person that is receiving this love probably is going to
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  require. It's not the type of love that
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  fulfillment that you're that you're after, right?
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  You're not going to get that from a narcissist.
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  You know you can give that. Now, you can give that to a
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  narcissist, right? You can absolutely give that
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  love to a narcissist, but receiving it from them is going
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  to be a very, very tough thing to do.
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  It's going to be a very, very tough idea to perpetuate over an
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  extended period of time because I do get, I do get so many
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  messages from people asking me this exact question is why I do
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  these video. Y'all people in my support group
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  suggest videos. I'll do a video.
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  You know, can they love you permanently?
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  I say they, they can care about you for a very, very long time.
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  But the word love is like the interpretation of love is
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  different for most narcissists. I will say that like they will
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  treat you a certain type of way because it benefits them.
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  Like as long as there is some type of supply or benefit for
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  them to be around you or to be with you or to say something to
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  you and stay around you, then yes they will.
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  They can't absolutely keep you around.
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  But I'll say this as well, just because they keep you around
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  does not mean that they love and care about you.
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  Sometimes it's not love that keeps them around you for a very
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  long time. Sometimes it's the ability to
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  feel like they own you. Like you belong to me.
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  Nobody else can possess you. Like only person that can
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  possess you or or claim ownership over you is me.
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  So I won't give that up. You know, that's the mindset of
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  a lot of narcissists. I won't give up that power and
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  control. So I will keep you around for a
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  long time. And, you know, and to answer
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  this question right here, I know a lot of people ask this
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  question too, kid, a narcissist love you and still cheat on you.
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  There's a question right there, y'all?
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  I think that narcissistic people believe in their minds that they
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  can absolutely cheat on you and love you.
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  That's the Yeah, that's the actual belief in their heads
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  because narcissist talk to people are masters, masters,
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  masters of compartmentalization. Like they can store different
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  people in different feelings in different parts of their mind.
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  This is like, you ever know those, like, those look like a
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  lunch tray back in the day in like school.
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  The lunch trays, how they separate things.
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  You put the mashed potatoes here, the broccoli goes here,
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  the pizza or the meat goes here. Everything gets separated like a
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  Thanksgiving tray. You are in one slot, the new
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  supplies in another slot, the third new supply or the the
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  second affair partners in another slot.
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  They think that just because I cheat on you doesn't mean
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  doesn't affect the love that I have for you.
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  But you dealing with this narcissistic person understand
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  that that's not true. So can a narcissist believe that
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  they can love you permanently? Absolutely yes.
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  But are they actually going to give you that level that you
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  need and that you require for a long period of time?
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  The answer to that question is probably going to be no.
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  If you want to be in a long term, long existing relationship
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  with your narcissistic partner and you don't want to leave and
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  whatnot, radical acceptance, you have to accept, like you have to
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  accept that this person can't love you the way that you need
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  to be loved. They can't give you the love
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  that you need to be loved. They they can't dig deep enough
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  to get that deep emotional connection to you that you are
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  asking for, that you are requiring, right?
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  They can't do that. So it's up to you to be able to
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  either accept that they can't do that or not because most of them
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  cannot do it. Can they feign it?
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  Can they give you gifts? Can they?
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  A lot of narcissists think that just because they are with you,
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  they are showing you love, Right?
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  I'm with you, Art. Nah.
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  If I wasn't, if I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be here.
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  If I didn't love you, I would have left you.
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  Yeah. They think their presence, like
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  my presence right here in this kitchen filming this video, they
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  think that their presence is an indication of the love that they
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  have for you. I'm here Art and I you see me.
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  We, we're, we're together, aren't we?
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  That's what they are thinking. They're thinking that because
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  they are right here in your face, showing you this being in
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  this relationship with you. They think that that's showing
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  you love. So do they think they can love
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  you for a very long time? The answer to the question is
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  going to be yes, they think they can, but how do you feel if
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  you've ever been in a super long term relationship with a
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  narcissist, right? Like for years upon years,
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  right? And you've like decades, Has the
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  quality of love been the same from the beginning to where it
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  is right now? I know people in healthy
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  relationships can say the same. They can say similar, but has
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  the quality decreased dramatically?
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  Has because most times when you're in a relationship with a
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  narcissist, it's going to decrease dramatically.
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  It's like falling off a damn Cliff.
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  Like in most relationships, of course, like over time things
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  are going to change, right? But it's like, it might be a
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  slow decline or maybe it's just an even plane, but bumps and
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  like, you mean it might be a even, it might be even a even
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  solid surface, right? But for narcissistic people,
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  it's just, it's, it might start off over here, but it is like a
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  big dip. You know what I mean?
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  The big like big dip. That's what happens right there.
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  It ends up being a big large dip like you again, you're falling
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  off the quote UN quote relational Cliff.
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  Hey, La La, go sit down baby, go sit down.
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  You making too much noise? That's my dog pity patting
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  around. But that happened so much y'all.
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  It really, really does. Like narcissistic people are not
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  going to give you what you need for an extended period of time.
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  Will they stay with you? Can you stay with them?
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  Absolutely yes, that's the truth.
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  Like you can be with a narcissist for a long time
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  because so many people ask me that right there.
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  Can I be with a, can you be with a narcissist for a long time?
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  Yes, yes, you absolutely can, but can't.
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  Are you going to be happy? I know some, a lot of times
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  people put the feeling or the, you know, the stuff onto the
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  narcissist, but you have to be like, yo, your role here.
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  What's your role in this relationship?
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  Are you going to accept the quality of love that you've been
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  receiving or you going to change up your style and accept that
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  this person can't give you what you need and what you want?
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  Is this going to be a possibility right here?
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  Because it's, it does fall onto you to be able to determine what
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  it what it is that you're looking for and what it is
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  you're trying to get out of life because that narcissistic person
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  typically isn't going to be able to provide that to you.
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  Can they be again, they can be with you for a long time, but is
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  it a long time of happiness? No, I know people like the ups
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  and downs, the trips and falls, the ups and downs, y'all, it's
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  going to be downs, a lot of downs.
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  The up look, it's going to be you're going to be, you're going
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  to be so many downs that the UPS are going to feel fantastic.
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  So many down period. We like when you in the depth
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  shower when you, when you it's kind of like a matter of fact,
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  like it's like this being in a relationship with a narcissist
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  is like being held underwater, fighting for your breath, like
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  were you above? So when you like, let's just say
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  you were sitting on the beach, right?
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  You just you sit on the edge of a pool.
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  This is how you breathe. And before you get into, before
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  you get into this toxic relationship, right, you sitting
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  on the edge, you take a deep breath and you, it's like you
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  take your breath for granted, right?
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  Because you're the breath, the area is free, the area is
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  everywhere, right? But being in relation with a
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  narcissist is like being pushed into the pool, into the deep end
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  and being held underwater. Now you're fighting for your
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  breath. So when they do, when they do
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  let you up for air, that breath feels so much better.
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  You've been held underwater for so long.
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  The breath feels so much better, right?
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  So the, the normal things, the highs now feel extremely high.
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  The, the breaths that seem normal at first are so much more
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  important in these relationships.
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  Like you've been held, like you're fighting for it now.
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  Like when they let you, but when they let you above water to
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  breathe, you're like, oh, this breath is so good back under
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  there. It's only temporary.
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  Like I'm up, I'm above water back under there.
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  You're fighting for air, You're fighting for the bare minimum.
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  You're fighting for that type of stuff right there.
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  So can they be with you for a long time?
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  Absolutely, yes. But can they treat you good for
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  a very long time? The UPS and downs, I'm telling
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  you, it's more, it's typically more downs than UPS and things
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  like this. And this is what you have to
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  fight while you be in the relationship with a narcissistic
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  person. You know?
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  You absolutely do. So thank you for tuning into
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  this episode. Make sure you check out my
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  support groups courses.mentalillness.net.
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  I truly appreciate everything one of y'all.
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  Let's make the rest of the year the best of the year.
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  Mental illness is our peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
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  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 11:38
  another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 11:40
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:43
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.