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What to Do When Someone Rejects Your Apology · Daily Devotions for Busy Lives

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  Bart Leger: David had spent years running for his life from
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  a man who used to love him. King Saul had turned on him out of
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  jealousy, and now he was hunting David through the wilderness
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  with an army. David had done nothing to deserve it. He'd
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  served Saul faithfully and even married into his family. None of
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  it mattered. Saul wanted him dead. One day, David and his men
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  were hiding deep in a cave when Saul himself walked in, alone,
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  to relieve himself. He had no idea they were there. The most
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  dangerous man in David's life was standing a few feet away,
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  defenseless, his back turned. David's men could hardly believe
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  it. This was the moment, they whispered. God had handed Saul
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  right to him. David rose and crept toward the king with a
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  blade in his hand. We'll come back to what he did with it, but
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  first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm
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  Bart Leger. Years ago, when I was a youth pastor, I made an
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  assumption and said something to a parent that upset him. I went
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  back to him and apologized and told him I was wrong, because I
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  was. He would have none of it. He ended up leaving the church
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  over it, and I've never had a chance since then to make it
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  right. So when I say this next part is disorienting, I'm
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  talking about something I've been through myself. You went to
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  the person, you told them you were sorry and they didn't
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  accept it. Maybe they told you it was too late. Maybe they got
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  up and left the conversation without saying anything at all.
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  Most of us grew up with a simple picture of how this was supposed
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  to work. You apologize and they forgive you. Things go back to
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  normal. When the second half never comes, it can leave you
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  hanging. So you start second-guessing the apology
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  itself. Maybe you said it wrong. Maybe you waited too long. You
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  think about going back and saying it again. Maybe better
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  this time. Somewhere in there, you know that a second run at it
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  would be more about your relief than about them. There's a line
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  in Psalm 34 that's helped me more than any other verse in the
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  Bible about that. Psalm 34, 14. Turn away from evil and do good.
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  Search for peace and work to maintain it. Search for peace
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  and work to maintain it. Both of these things are what you can do
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  with your own hands, but peace is never guaranteed. David wrote
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  that psalm and he knew what he was talking about because he
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  spent years searching for peace with a man who kept refusing to
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  take it. Look at what the verse assigns to you. The searching
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  and the work. The other person's answer was never on your list.
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  Paul says the same thing plainly in Romans 12. As much as depends
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  on you, live peaceably with all men. As much as depends on you.
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  That phrase is a limit and the limit's mercy. God knows some of
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  these situations have a second person in them and who has
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  decided against peace. So here's what a finished apology looks
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  like. You named the thing you did without excusing it and you
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  didn't attach conditions or ask them to admit their half. Then
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  you stopped. If that's what happened, the apology is
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  complete whether or not they received it. God measures your
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  repentance by what you brought to him and he saw all of it.
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  What stays with you afterward is the wanting. You want to be
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  released. You want them to say it's fine so you can put the
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  whole thing down and put it to sleep. But here's the good news
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  in that. God can give you that release directly and he often
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  gives it long before the other person ever does. David didn't
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  use the for what you might expect. David only cut off a
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  corner of Saul's robe and let him walk out of the cave alive.
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  Then he called after him and held up the piece of cloth as
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  proof. See, he said, I could have killed you and I didn't. I
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  mean you no harm. Saul broke down and wept. He admitted David
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  was the better man and would one day be king. For a moment, it
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  looked like the whole feud was over. It wasn't. Before long,
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  Saul was chasing him again and David finally accepted that he
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  could not fix a man who didn't want peace. David had done his
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  part. He kept his hands clean and he left Saul in the hands of
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  God. Look at what David got for his trouble. Saul wept and
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  admitted the throne would be David's. Before long, he was
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  back on the hunt anyway. That was the closest thing to
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  reconciliation David ever got out of him and it still didn't
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  hold. So he stopped working on the man and settled into two
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  things he could control. He kept his hands clean and he left the
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  rest to God. Here's today's challenge. Check the apology you
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  already made against one thing. Did you admit faultfully and
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  then leave the response alone? If that's what you did, the
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  work's finished and you can quit rehearsing it at two in the
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  morning. Say this out loud today if you need to hear it. I did my
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  part and the rest belongs to God. Then go do something good with
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  the rest of your day, which is the other half of what Psalm 34
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  asked of you. Father, thank you that you see what we bring to
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  you and that the other person's answer was never our assignment.
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  For everyone listening who apologized and got turned away,
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  settle their heart today and take the replaying it off of
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  them. Give them grace to quit knocking on a door that stays
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  shut and to keep their hands clean while they wait on you.
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  Where reconciliation is still possible, soften the other
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  person and open the way. Where the door stays shut, hold this
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  one steady and be their peace. In Jesus' name, amen. If you
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  need prayer today, I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me
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  a voicemail at dailydevotionsforbusylives.com
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  slash voicemail. I listen to everyone and it would be an
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  honor to bring your name before the Lord. Thanks for joining me
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  on Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. Remember, you can search
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  for peace and work for it and you cannot hand it to anybody
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  who won't take it. Do your part and leave the rest with God.
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  Come back next time for more encouragement to help you live
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  grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great
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  day.