Latest / Inchstones with Sarah | Autism Advocacy & Caregiver Stories / Books, Affirmations, and Autism: A Conversation for Moms Like Us with Chelsea Bray

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Books, Affirmations, and Autism: A Conversation for Moms Like Us with Chelsea Bray · Inchstones with Sarah | Autism Advocacy & Caregiver Stories

• 0:02
  Speaker A: Welcome to the Inch Zones podcast. I am so happy to have new friends, fellow social media autism mom here. And as you all know, my favorite thing to do is to meet other parents in parallel life situations and really have a one on one conversation of those who get it and those who have relative experiences to this curveball fast pitch that we got handed. So, Chelsea, thank you for being here and I cannot wait for everyone to hear about your latest venture in authorship.
• 0:34
  Speaker B: Yay. Thank you for having me. I'm. I'm excited. I love meeting like new friends on social media, so it's cool that we get to like hang out in this capacity. So I'm very.
• 0:42
  Speaker A: That's like the silver I always say social media gets, especially from like a Gen Alpha utilization point or even Gen Z. It gets such a bad rep. The communities within special needs and autism parenting, I think, might be the reason why it stays afloat, because I believe it's the goodness of the Internet.
• 1:01
  Speaker B: There's been some really big positives from opening up on the Internet about autism and things like that. Like, it just kind of restores your faith in humanity. Of course, there's a couple downsides to it, but it's been mostly overwhelmingly beautiful and amazing and very divine interventions. I've met some really amazing people because of it, and I don't think we'd be where we are as a family and as a unit and as a mom and a dad to our son that without the support of other people, because we really didn't have a lot of places to turn. So I guess we can thank social media for some good stuff.
• 1:32
  Speaker A: So talk to me about your autism parenting journey.
• 1:35
  Speaker B: Oh, gosh. Well, it's a journey. Highs and lows, I would say. It started out to be one of the most devastating things of my entire life so far, which I know sounds dramatic and, like, sad, but I think the stigma and the idea behind autism was so devastating to me. I thought our life was over because you think of one thing for your kid. You have a baby and you just dream of who are they going to marry, what are they going to do for their career, what difference are they going to make and what are we going to do as a family and the vacations and the soccer practices and the mundane little in betweens, and then all of a sudden you're slapped with something. To me, it was how permanent the diagnosis was, because for a while it started out as a speech delay and that to me, as a mom, felt like nothing. I went, all right, well, yeah, so it's Speech therapists are four. And you know, at the time, like, he's two, he's three. Like, everyone has a speech delay. We're all trying to figure it out. When he's in college and an adult, it's not going to matter anymore. And that's how I was. Or just.
• 2:30
  Speaker A: Or the same thing about like, oh, they're not potty trained. They won't go to college. Not potty training. You're like, yes, right, right, yeah, they won't go to. Yeah, right.
• 2:37
  Speaker B: And then it's fine, you know, all good. We'll get them the help and, you know, it'll be water under the bridge. And then you get slapped with a diagnosis. That is him. That is him. Until the day he dies. He is autistic. He's on the autism spectrum. However you wanna shake it. And that, to me, I was like, my gosh, like, that's forever. That is him. And I wasn't prepared for that. I personally don't have a lot of people in my inner circle or family that are on the autism spectrum. I was so misinformed and so uneducated. And then the doctor just says, okay, well, that's the diagnosis. It's. And here's some paperwork. Here's your child, and off you go. And then we were like, okay, what do we do from here? Where do we go from here? And I grieved. And I tell newly diagnosed parents this all the time. I grieved. That's the best way I could explain it. I grieved the life I thought my child was going to have. I grieved my motherhood. I grieved. I grieved baking Christmas cookies and picture perfect pictures and matching pajamas and soccer practices and play dates. I grieved so hard, I think I cried for two weeks. I didn't watch it.
• 3:44
  Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I agree. I don't think you even want to pinpoint at in the moment as grief because you're thinking to yourself, I have a healthy, beautiful child. And so then you feel guilty about the grief because you're almost like, I was thrown. I was given the child meant for me, and now I'm mad. Now I'm sad. Like, I remember just being like, who are you, Sarah? Yes, but that was also grief. It was grief because I was like, couldn't believe I was so conditioned to believing what I thought I expected. I was so. I was so angry at myself for that.
• 4:20
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah, you'll beat yourself up. There was guilt. There was. What did I do wrong? What did I miss? How did we get here and why is this happening? Why my kid? And then like you said, you have this beautiful child who's perfect in every way. And then you're like mad at yourself for being upset and then you think, oh, well, other people have it worse so I should be grateful. And then it's like a mixture of trying to find gratitude and beauty while also like said, grieving, which you don't realize is grieving at the time and just trying to figure it all out while also having like no support or resources and no idea what to do. Is he going to live with me forever? Like, I don't know. Like, you just don't know. Is he ever going to.
• 4:57
  Speaker A: I remember thinking too, like, like your point point about it being forever. That was also like, I remember.
• 5:03
  Speaker B: I don't even.
• 5:04
  Speaker A: Again, I couldn't even tell if you. It was when Mac was early diagnosed or what was while ago when Millie was. But I had a friend whose friend had a child like a toddler going through cancer treatments and it was really scary. And I remember I wasn't close to that person, but I remember my friend spending a lot of time at the hospital, going to visit her, bringing food. And there was like this really amazing love bubble around her child. And she had a lot of. She had like three or four other kids. Like it was a lot, right? And I remember being going through this early diagnosis for one of the other one of mine thinking, look at all this help that this person has for this acute time. I remember being angry that people were so helpful to a short term diagnoses and that sounds so ridiculous because it's a child's life. Like her child might have died, but I was still so angry. He's not gonna miss anything. He misses a year of school, he's gonna catch up.
• 5:57
  Speaker B: And that's not our character either. Like, that's not how we are. And that just shows like the emotional state, state that we're left in. You start thinking like your darkest and worst thoughts during that process. Like you said, you get jealous. Like, I've never felt so jealous or like resentful in my life. Being around parents who are complaining that their kid wouldn't put their shoes on quick.
• 6:17
  Speaker A: Exactly.
• 6:17
  Speaker B: Like, if you only knew. Like, and in my head I'm like, who are you? Like, why are you so negative and resentful for? Like, it just, it makes you turn a little bit nasty until you can come to grips with it.
• 6:31
  Speaker A: There's a. I'm reading a book right now called the Courage to Be disliked. And it's one of those books you can kind of pick up and, like, pick up and let it go for a little bit and pick it up. And the recent chapter I met was talking about how I never want to utilize what's been given to me in my life as, like, a people stop engaging. Because you and I can both say, you'll never understand. I mean, you'll never understand. Like, you. You catch yourself being like, oh, if they only knew.
• 6:56
  Speaker B: If they only knew the battles we face. And, you know, we don't get those simple things. Or I'm like. In my head, I'm like, oh, they take so much for granted. Like, what I would. What I would give. You know, I remember a couple years ago, and obviously our story's a little bit different this year as Archie's progressed so beautifully. But, like, you know, seeing people making gingerbread houses, I'm like, what I would give to sit and make a gingerbread house with my son. Like, it was. It was really depressing. And you almost can't verbalize that either, because people are gonna judge you and, you know, like, simple things that people just didn't realize. And it turned me a little bit ugly on the inside for a little bit until I really just dug deeper within and just celebrated him and just celebrated anything. And that's when I started kind of sharing more publicly about him. I was like, you know what the world needs to learn about this kid because he's special and we need to learn. And that's when I started kind of coming out of my fog. He definitely handled it privately until I felt like I was a little bit more healed, because I wasn't going to be speaking from a healed place. I was going to be speaking from open wounds that I wasn't ready to. I had to come to grips first. So once we came to kind of this beautiful realization of, like, okay, this is our kid. We are the best parents for him. We are going to give him the best life possible. And saw just how beautiful and remarkable he is. That's when I started sharing, you know, more openly. And I was. I kind of. Like, I said that fog kind of came off, and I was able to kind of have a beautiful heart again without that resent and, like, that nastiness that I was feeling that I'm sure, you know, you felt.
• 8:23
  Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I. I definitely felt it. I feel like now I am having more of these amazing conversations with the podcast and meeting all, like, what these. One on one. I've always loved one on One conversations. Like, even as a child, I loved one on, you know, as a, as a friend. And I, I think what I'm realizing is that I, when other autism parents describe their kids, I always think if I were to meet them in person, I promise you I would see that like, like sixth sense of what you see. And I think being able to give that to someone else as a parent that has a neurotypical and a neurodiverse child, like I get to experience both. But then when I see a parent with an autistic. Autistic child, I think, what can I give to them from me responding to their child that they might not get a lot of vibe back. Right. And that is just the coolest thing I think about raising a boy and a girl like Millie and Mac is that, you know, one of each gender a couple years apart. Like I, we spin the gauntlet of like when you. That, that phrase of if you have one child with autism, you have one child with autism. Because they might have the same diagnosis and Archie too. But gosh, Millie and Mac could not. And even in their, even in their age gap, I mean, Millie is. They're two and a half years apart and yet she, she already seems like almost five years older than him. But then I think what is. But then I think, like, what is a girl, A young girl. What is typical about Millie? She desires to learn. Like a typical young girls. Boys have a tougher time at first. I mean, it's pretty stereotypical of like, of a go, go, go, mobile, sanely, sensory thinking, like, little boy. My sister has a typical son. And when Mac was 3 or 4 and I was like, God, he is so sensory seeking, you know, I understand autism. And she looks at me and she's like, Sarah Percy was the same wife. He's a sled dog. And like, they just have all this energy. So don't kill yourself over it. Being this like, thing of his autism, she's like, maybe that's just part of him being a little boy.
• 10:24
  Speaker B: Yes, well, that's hard to distinguish too. It is. It's very hard. What is. What is autism? What is being a boy? What is just being a human? What is just trying to navigate life? But Archie is our little sensory seeker. He's an active young little guy. He. He's definitely our sensory seeker. We only have one child. He's our one and only. So I don't have anything compare it to along the way, but he. It's interesting how you say, like, Mac and Millie are so different. Like, even Archie's so different. Like the way he was six months ago is like a different kid than he is today versus what he's going to be like in six months. Like he's evolved in so many ways. There's been times where he's made incredible progress and other times where it's months where I'm like, are you getting anything? We're putting out, buddy. Like, nothing's changing. We're staying, you know, we're not really experiencing a lot of growth. And then a couple months later it's like, different kid, different.
• 11:08
  Speaker A: Well, I was saying to someone else recently, it's not that we're helicopter parents. I think we're hyper aware parents because we have to stay so present with them based on their, like just their needs, right. That we're from a protective point. But then because of that our muscles are flexed to really see their growth and their, the pauses in that. So to your point, like I probably, you know, with my typical child, like I probably didn't see six months, six months or even a 12 week phase post, like newborn ages, right? But then with Mac and Millie, like I do see, like you're saying with Archie, like you can, you're, you're not even trying to think it just because of how aware you are of him. And I think that's like the coolest skill. Like how many parents would wish to have the presentness of being able to say, my God, yeah, like from September to February, like my kid, I mean that I think any child would feel happy to hear their parent share what their growth was. And so we get to do, I always say we get to do that with these ones.
• 12:09
  Speaker B: It's a privilege. And I feel so in tune with him because we have to be so present. There is no, like going to the park and sitting there and reading my book and chatting with moms. I wear sneakers to the park.
• 12:19
  Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
• 12:20
  Speaker B: And yoga pants. Because I'm going down every tube slide. I'm on the swings, I'm up the ladder, I'm two steps behind him all the time. Even when he's not struggling even a little. But it's safety, it's all the things. And it's just what we're used to. So we're so in tune. Like, I could read that kid like a book someday. Some days I'm like, where did that come from? That was left field. But most days, like, I know when he's about to elope. I know when he needs to hold my hand. I know when he needs to go use the Crash pad. I know when he needs quiet. Like, I can read that kid book, but whereas most parents, not. I shouldn't say most parents, but some parents don't have that in tune feeling of knowing when to anticipate things with their kids and like you said, just knowing their growth. Like, I could write. I could write a whole book just about Archie and his growth and the differences of experiences he's had. Because we have to. We have to be turned on all the time. And that's probably why we're tired so much.
• 13:08
  Speaker A: There's autism parents, because that's why my adrenal glands are shot. Right.
• 13:13
  Speaker B: It's exhausting.
• 13:14
  Speaker A: Okay, so talk to me about the book and talk to me about where it stemmed from. For you. Talk to me about when you were like, I want to do this. As I was saying before we press record, like, for me, I don't know where this book is. I should show it because I love this book so much. It's called the Go Giver by Bob Berg and John David Mann. And it's all about utilizing who you are to give back and for no other reason but to give. Even when it comes to parenting and a novel or a children's book, it really is about giving something to the world. And I think that that's what you're doing here. So tell everyone about it.
• 13:54
  Speaker B: I mean, that was the mission. It was to give. It's not about the sales, it's not about the money. I mean, if people that are listening have ever written a book, there's not a lot of money to be made. Writing a book for spending more than you're earning. It was my gift of being a somewhat experienced. He's almost 6. He was diagnosed just before he's 3. So we're really getting into, like being a seasoned autism parent of a young kid. And I just wanted to give a resource to parents, to kids, to teachers, to anyone that wants and will is willing to learn. And in a relatable way. Because I feel like if I didn't, I didn't know my own child was autistic. My husband and I never looked at each other and were like, do you think that wasn't even a. Because Archie did not present like a autistic child that I had previously learned about. I learned very little. He was not doing what you would expect. So even a lot of people in our family were very shocked to hear his diagnosis. That just showed me there's so many. There's not enough education. So I wanted to create something really to Honor him. Like, I want him. My dream when Archie gets older is to see, like, look what my mom did for me. Like, my mom wanted to teach the world about me, so my future was going to be brighter and more inclusive. And whether this reaches the whole world or not, I want him to see that. That's what I. The lengths I was willing to go to teach other people about him and about his peers, because I do not want him living this life where people don't know about him. I want him to be included and welcomed, and I want him to have the most beautiful life possible. And so the idea for the book kind of sprung from that, because I just didn't know how else to get my voice out there. When we started openly sharing about his diagnosis, which I know is, like, a personal preference for parents.
• 15:28
  Speaker A: Yeah, for sure.
• 15:29
  Speaker B: That was, you know, something we toyed with. But I was like, what are we hiding? There's nothing to hide. There's nothing wrong with him being. There's nothing. Literally, his privacy, things like that. Well, it's like, it's very apparent when you meet him that there's something going on. And I'd rather, you know, up front, this is him. This is what you get. Instead of, you know, on the car ride home being like, what's up with her kid? Like, he's bratty. You know, I don't want him being mislabeled either. And to be, you know, we're bad parents. You know, we don't discipline him enough or he's too loud. Whatever it is, it's like, no, this is him. This is Archie. He's autistic. And that's that. And so I was like, let me share on social media. So I started sharing articles, posts, helpful things for parents to understand my kid more. And it was received so well, my inbox started flooding with autism parents that I didn't even know were autism parents, with parents of typical kids that were like, thank you so much. Like, I really had no idea. I didn't know we're gonna start talking about this at home and then sending me articles. Hey, Chelsea. I saw this. Thought of you, Archie. Hope you're doing well. I was like, wow. Like, look at the conversations happening. That's what I mean. It's like, conversations.
• 16:31
  Speaker A: These kids have this secondary part of their lives that they didn't even realize they're doing is that they're creating conversation and engagement. Yes.
• 16:40
  Speaker B: Yes. And I felt responsible for that happening. I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, I'm so glad I said something I'm so glad I opened up. I'm so glad I shared that article. Like, look at these people being so much more aware. And I instantly felt like he was a lot more welcomed and people were just a lot more inclusive in the best ways they could be at playdates, at birthday parties. Like, it's almost like they give you the look of, like, we get it. Like, I understand. Like, he could do whatever. So I wanted to write a book, but I was like, where does one start? I don't know. So I kind of kept it internal. I didn't tell anyone I wanted to write a book because I didn't think I could do it, to be quite honest. But last Christmas with my family, we were all talking about it, and I kind of just announced. I was like, I'm gonna write a book. They're doing it. Okay, great, awesome. And they're like, what? I'm like, I have no idea, but I'm going to do it. So that was a year ago. I kind of made that proclamation and I just dove in And I researched YouTube, Google. I met. I connected with other authors, and I was like, we're gonna do this. And it started on my dining room floor of just pieces of paper with my sentences and storyboarding. And my best friend since childhood, she illustrated everything by hand for me, a pen and paper hand drew all my illustrations. So it was something we got to do together. We met in first grade. We're both raising boys now, so we got to come together and do this. And so it's made it so much, so special. My son is a main character. His character looks just like him, and his character is him. Like, everything in the book that he does is him. And then we put. I added other characters, so. And I thought something different about my book and that I wanted to do was to try my best to show how broad the spectrum is, because I didn't know my own child was on spectrum.
• 18:12
  Speaker A: Please pause for a second. Remind them the title of the book.
• 18:15
  Speaker B: Adventures Down Autism Avenue. So I didn't know my own child was on the spectrum. Why would other adults know any more than I do? So I was like, I'm gonna put more than one kid that's on the spectrum in the book. Because every book I had found had one kid. And you learn about this one kid and you think you now understand autism. Oh, that kid flapped his hands. That kid yelled, that kid. Okay, great. Now I get it. Let's move on. And it's like, no, if you only knew how broad this went So I put three. I put three autistic characters in. And even then, I had to cut paragraphs and pages out of this book because I felt like I just had stuff spewing out of me because there's so much to teach and learn about it. So I tried my best to cut out as much, you know, cut out stuff. But I put in three autistic characters. One of them uses an AAC device. One of them is my child. Another one wears headphones, and he wears a chew stick on a necklace. And it just. There is no look for autism. No one looks. But there are things that accompany a diagnosis, such as wearing the AAC device, such as covering your ears, which. My son doesn't wear headphones, but he covers his ears all the time. So in this book, you'll see my kid covering his ears. So that's technically a look of, you know. So I wanted to show like. So when you see a kid covering his ear, I wanted to show things like that. So I put three autistic characters in. I put two typical kids in, and they're going through a day together and they're experiencing life together. And at the end, it's just beautiful, the typical kids learning about them and joining in on their preferred activities. And it's just. It just became this, like, beautiful story. And I'd send it to, like, an aunt of mine or a cousin of mine or a friend, and they're like, I'm in tears. This is so cute and sweet. Like, I've learned so much. So I think adults are learning even more than kids are with this book right now.
• 19:55
  Speaker A: The feedback. Sometimes. Sometimes I think that the best books that are. That are children's books in the vein of, like, Mr. Rogers. But who is it really for, right? You know, you bring up. Is that it? It is for all ages because it can bring. It can simplify and make so beautiful what these characteristics are and how to make it simpler and to realize, you know, say, like, it is not one size fits all. Here's a few examples of it. And it can be a combination or nothing you see here. But. But even the. The knowledge of that putting that out, I think is so cool, Chelsea, is that you didn't have to do every combination, but you give in giving three. I'm sure you provide a. A, A more of a plateau or a playing field of, wow, this can all look so diverse. So, so very diverse. Would you be open to reading your favorite page, by any chance? Would you be. Or a favorite passage that you have?
• 20:50
  Speaker B: Do you Mean, I can read the whole book.
• 20:52
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 20:52
  Speaker B: Yeah. I love the. I just. I love it. I absolutely love the book. Oh, gosh. I'm trying to think of, like, what a favorite would be. I mean, any part, including Archie. Yeah, I like at the end. At the end, it wraps up with all the characters and how they go to bed, because that one's different for everyone, how they're wrapping up their day. I'm gonna talk about Archie.
• 21:09
  Speaker A: There we go.
• 21:09
  Speaker B: At the beginning of the book, Archie starts his day, and I show how he starts his day the same way every single day. And the kids at a school visit thought it was funny. They're like, he doesn't get tired of eating the same food every day? I'm like, nope.
• 21:20
  Speaker A: Yes, exactly.
• 21:21
  Speaker B: Not even a little bit. You know, he eats the same food every morning. He watches the same show on the tv, and he, you know, plays with his toy dinosaurs. That's his day every day. And then I show at the end of the day, he goes to the bed. Goes to bed the same way every night. And so it's cute. At the end, each character's wrapping up kind of like the day. So one of the parts that I love is just like Archie likes to start his day the same way each morning. He has the same bedtime routine every night. He always says positive affirmations in the mirror. At the end of his routine, he looks at himself and says, I am strong. I am smart. I am awesome. His parents always want him to remember those things about himself, and that was something he could do before he could even talk. We taught him the symbols, so before he could tell us, I'm awesome, we taught him thumbs up. And even that which, you know, parents don't realize, we had to teach him thumbs up. And that was months of work.
• 22:11
  Speaker A: Exactly.
• 22:12
  Speaker B: And the first time he did a thumbs up, I have a picture of it. My husband was, like, crying in the middle of this dinosaur thing. We both looked at each other. We're like, oh, my gosh. He did the thumbs up. He did the thumbs up. So we taught him thumbs up. And he'd point for I'm smart. He'd point at his head, and he'd show his muscles for strong. So we've been teach instilling these affirmations.
• 22:31
  Speaker A: I'm totally gonna teach that to Mac. I already have my thing for Millie, which is a similar thing. Like, I love you. I'm so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself. And that's been said to her, like, that's her before bedtime thing. But yes, it's the same. But. But she was doing that and trying to do that with me before she was even verbal.
• 22:49
  Speaker B: Yes. And. But it just shows. They know. They know now that he can say it. He's still doing the motions. He knows he gets it. He looks at himself in the mirror, like, loves what he sees, and he shows his muscles in the mirror. And we do that every single night. And he knows it. And I read this at his school to all his friends and I brought an activity into the class and they all got to color it in. And depending on their varying levels, you could either write in your own new affirmations or just color it Archie's. You cut off the top and you put it in your house somewhere where you're going to see your affirmations every day. So whether it's Archie's or the ones that the kids created about themselves, they can repeat that to themselves every day.
• 23:24
  Speaker A: I'm going to need you to send me that link to put on this episode because I think that parents would love that. And I don't even think special needs autism parents would. I think that every child. I mean, there are so many ways that I think even special needs parents can help and guide typical parents because of how aware of these simple things are. I love the thumbs up for awesome. Because Millie had a really hard time. Mac really struggles with this little light of mine. She could never do her light. Like, it was like, show me your light. And she'd be like. And I'd be like.
• 23:55
  Speaker B: And just think pointing finger is next to impossible for us to teach our kid. And so I'm sure once she was able to do that, you were like.
• 24:03
  Speaker A: She'S like, I got it. I got my light. You know, but it's the same. But it's exactly. So I think I would love to have that. I look forward to my. The every. The routine of my kids at the end of the day especially, yes, we.
• 24:15
  Speaker B: Do it every night. So that was important for me to put in the book because that is for anyone and everyone. Varying abilities, whether you can say it or act it out or just listen to your parents saying it to you every night, even if you're not able to communicate that. Just hearing that simple statements from your parents every night, from your teachers, from your caregiver. And at the school visit, I brought like, I made like this really big cutout frame that you could put your face and it has the affirmations on it. So now all the kids have a picture of I Am strong, I'm smart, I'm awesome. It's like I'm trying to start a movement here.
• 24:43
  Speaker A: No, this is like, this might be your movement with the book. I think this is your movement. I. I can just see. I can see on your website the set that a school classroom can buy with like, that, with like, set of the books and the set of the, the cutout with the affirmations. Oh, this is your billion dollar idea. This is how you change the world.
• 24:59
  Speaker B: I love it. Whoever's listening, sign me up. Help me out.
• 25:02
  Speaker A: Exactly.
• 25:02
  Speaker B: Exactly. On Shark Tank or something.
• 25:06
  Speaker A: Before we end, please let me know what A, one thing that you would like to tell parents to help get them through, and B, what would be your own personal inch zone of your day or Archie's, that you can remind yourself that keeping moving doesn't mean making gigantic leaps.
• 25:27
  Speaker B: Yeah. Something I would tell parents is to not isolate as much as you want to isolate. It's easier to stay home. It's easier to not go to the birthday party. It's easier to cancel the play date, and it's easier to not open up. Life got a whole lot better once I opened up and did the things. And it took us, you know, 20 birthday parties to get to a point where we can actually go to the birthday party and somewhat enjoy it. To keep trying, expose your kid to, you know, of course, respect their boundaries and their needs, but keep doing, keep trying. They deserve my effort. Like, he deserves my effort. He deserves for me to keep taking him to the birthday party, making his accommodations, of course, but getting him out there, making the playdates, you know, don't isolate because, like, at the beginning I did, and it, like I said, it got so much better once I opened up and just let people love him as well. Let people love your kid. You know, educate them so they're comfortable around your kid. But let people love him. And he's so adored, he's captured the hearts of strangers. I mean, people just have fallen in love with this child because I've let them. I let them and get to know him. And I think he's teaching. Let your kid teach people. Let people learn from your kid. They're put here for something and I know now why he was put here and why he was given to us. It's pretty amazing. Inch stones. I mean, we celebrate everything in this house. I mean, he does. He, like, breathes and we're like, oh, my gosh, you're so cute. Like, look at you. Oh, gosh, I'm trying to just him you know, the other day, I went and volunteered, which is something I couldn't do. I volunteered at his school for the holiday shop. I couldn't. He could not see me at school way back when because that would throw off his whole desk. It was horrible. I couldn't be the room mom. I couldn't go to the thing he couldn't see. I volunteered, and he ended up seeing me. And he came and gave me a hug and went back to his speech therapy. At the end of speech therapy, came and gave me a hug, and 30 minutes later, his aide said, he's making a snowflake. Like, it was, like, no big deal that I was there. And I was like, it's such a win. It's such a win. He's done it. Like, yeah, I didn't ruin his day, because that's the other thing, you know, the guilt of it. So he. He did it. He was so understanding and gave me a hug and did what he was supposed to do.
• 27:30
  Speaker A: And I always say we get to teach them flexibility. They're innately not flexible little beings. And that again, being able to celebrate flexibility, because, listen, even typical kids need to learn it, but I just love being able to celebrate that. So that is awesome. That is so awesome.
• 27:46
  Speaker B: It was cool. And, you know, to some, that's little, but to me, that was like. I got in the car and wanted to cry. I'm like, yes, yes, he did it. Yes. I got to be at his school. I got to do a typical mom thing. I got to volunteer at the holiday shop. And it wasn't, like a big. Because I tried at the book fair when he was little, and I regretted it. And now, you know, he handled it in stride, and that was, like, life changing for us.
• 28:09
  Speaker A: Reminds me of Mac had his birthday party at school, and I went in, and Millie's teacher, actually, he was fine. He was, like, so excited to see me. And it was okay. It was okay that I left. But Millie's teacher brought her down to, like, their, you know, bonus. This spare area. And Millie is very fluid on her device, and she has her device, and she, like, walks in, and she's like, why am I here?
• 28:29
  Speaker B: Stop.
• 28:30
  Speaker A: And she's, why am I here? And then she looked at me and she goes, why are you here? It's your brother's birthday. And she's like, I'm done. Literally did one loop, got a cupcake, and left. And I looked at her teacher. I was like, that's Millie. That's Millie. She's like, this is not my classroom. I don't know why you're here. See you at home. And she literally like went. Grabbed the cupcake, went out. But to your point, celebrating that, that is a win for me. Other parents would be like, you don't.
• 28:54
  Speaker B: Want to celebrate your brother?
• 28:55
  Speaker A: Like, it was actually really typical of her. Those are huge for us. Yes.
• 28:59
  Speaker B: Huge. Massive. Life changing. I mean, it made my whole week so very, totally.
• 29:03
  Speaker A: I love that. Well, Chelsea, thank you so much. I know that Archie is so lucky to have you as a mom and anyone that listens is so lucky to hear your experience, your wonderful writing and authorship.
• 29:15
  Speaker B: Thank you.
• 29:16
  Speaker A: And just allowing to have me in conversation with you to show other moms in the same boat parallel journey that it's going to be okay. Yes. And it's going to be wonderful. And it's going to be hard. At the end of the day, you're going to be okay and thrive. You really are. So, Chelsea, thank you so much. And live from Jersey. I guess we're Jersey girls, so until next time.
• 29:38
  Speaker B: Exactly.
• 29:39
  Speaker A: Until next time on the insurance podcast.