Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #839 Mum Adventures & Potato Wars

Transcript

#839 Mum Adventures & Potato Wars · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers Now before we
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  Speaker 1: dive into our conversation today, Kylie's to sell out this weekend.
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  Speaker 1: We're heading off to Adelaide for the Resilient Kids Conference,
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  Speaker 1: the final one of the year. Something like six hundred
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  Speaker 1: people all set to meet us in Modbury, Me, Maggie Dan,
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  Speaker 1: Karen Young and the wonderful Michelle Mitchell talking about raising
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  Speaker 1: resilient kids. And you're coming with me so that we
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  Speaker 1: can talk resilience. If you're in Adelaide, we can't wait
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  Speaker 1: to see you tomorrow. Now it's a Friday, which means
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  Speaker 1: i'll do better. Tomorrow is on the menu, Kylie, I
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  Speaker 1: think that you should start first. You've had some time
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  Speaker 1: away and let me with the kids. You let me
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  Speaker 1: look after all those children.
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  Speaker 2: And all those children and work full.
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  Speaker 1: Time and cook and clean and iron and run kids
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  Speaker 1: too and from school and to and from extra career
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  Speaker 1: for activities. You've been gone for a little over a week.
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  Speaker 1: You've come home and.
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  Speaker 2: Guess what the house is trash? For the house is.
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  Speaker 1: Trash because we've decided that we don't have enough space,
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  Speaker 1: and so we're losing our garage and turning it into
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  Speaker 1: some rooms, so that's why it's trashed. Well, let's be real,
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  Speaker 1: We're alive. That's what I was going to say. We're alive.
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  Speaker 1: Everyone's happy, everyone's fed, everybody survived.
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  Speaker 2: The reason we're running out of space is because we've
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  Speaker 2: got a grand baby coming. Yeah. Yeah, So making room
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  Speaker 2: for a grand baby.
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  Speaker 1: Not that the grandchild is going to be living at
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  Speaker 1: our house, no, but she's keeps you out of your
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  Speaker 1: I've lost my office, so we need to take the
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  Speaker 1: office home. Anyway, today, I'll do better tomorrow. Since you
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  Speaker 1: have not had to do any parenting for ten days,
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  Speaker 1: ten days, I don't know what you're going to talk about.
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  Speaker 1: I'm very curious to know what you're going to say
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  Speaker 1: that's going to help people know how you'll be a
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  Speaker 1: better parent since you haven't been here.
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  Speaker 2: So at the beginning of the year, I made some
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  Speaker 2: pretty big goals about things that I want to do
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  Speaker 2: in my life to kind of stretch myself, to get
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  Speaker 2: outside my comfort zones and to kind of, I guess,
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  Speaker 2: rewrite some kind of mental scripts that I've carried around
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  Speaker 2: for a lot longer than I should have, and it
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  Speaker 2: just got me thinking about how so many times the
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  Speaker 2: thoughts that we have limit our ability to do and
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  Speaker 2: be the person that we could and can be. So
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  Speaker 2: for the last week, I've attended a conference. I caught
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  Speaker 2: an aeroplane all by myself. I haven't done any of
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  Speaker 2: these things.
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  Speaker 1: Not just an aeroplane an international flight with transfers overseas
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  Speaker 1: like it.
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  Speaker 2: Was a big deal, And for about the week leading
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  Speaker 2: up to it, I definitely was struggling with anxiety around it.
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  Speaker 2: I was pretty nervous and pretty worked up about having
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  Speaker 2: to do all of this. But after saying goodbye to you,
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  Speaker 2: you dropped me off at the front door and I
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  Speaker 2: had to walk in and navigate everything from scratch all
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  Speaker 2: by myself. I had a little bit of a cross
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  Speaker 2: and I went up to a lady and I asked
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  Speaker 2: her what was the next step, and she actually did
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  Speaker 2: everything for me. She was amazing, And from that moment
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  Speaker 2: I was just blown away with how easy it was.
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  Speaker 2: And yet I have spent so long thinking this was
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  Speaker 2: going to be a really really big deal and it
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  Speaker 2: was going to be this hard process and I was
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  Speaker 2: going to get lost and I wouldn't know what to do,
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  Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, I kind of realized that
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  Speaker 2: it actually wasn't It was really easy, and I got
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  Speaker 2: to the other end, and I thought, I've waited all
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  Speaker 2: of this time to do this because I was too
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  Speaker 2: scared to try. And as I've thought about all of
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  Speaker 2: the other things that I've started doing, art classes and
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  Speaker 2: things like that, the world that is opening up to
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  Speaker 2: me now as a result of me being willing to
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  Speaker 2: confront that there might be some thoughts that I have
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  Speaker 2: that are limiting and stopping me from achieving things that
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  Speaker 2: I could achieve if I would just be open to
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  Speaker 2: new experiences. Is electrifying, Like it's so exciting. I spent
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  Speaker 2: a week on campus. I was a student literally backpack
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  Speaker 2: on my back the whole week, running from one end
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  Speaker 2: of the campus to the other end of the campus.
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  Speaker 2: I brought a whole heap of food to snack on
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  Speaker 2: throughout the day because I didn't have time to have
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  Speaker 2: a meal, like there was so much going on. I
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  Speaker 2: only to realize I didn't have any cutlery, so I
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  Speaker 2: was eating my yogurt with the handle of my toothbrush
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  Speaker 2: because I didn't have a space. Look at you, and
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  Speaker 2: I found myself interacting with people that I've never spoken
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  Speaker 2: to before, but just just enveloped in this opportunity to
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  Speaker 2: learn and to grow, and some of the things that
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  Speaker 2: really stood out to me was just number one, the
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  Speaker 2: things that I'm striving to do to open myself up
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  Speaker 2: to new opportunities. I got confirmation throughout the week as
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  Speaker 2: I went to different classes that I'm on the right track.
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  Speaker 2: I'm doing the things that i need to to. Kind
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  Speaker 2: of you, I have this amazing life. There's lots of
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  Speaker 2: work to do, and there's definitely I brought home lots
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  Speaker 2: of take homes of areas that I would like to
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  Speaker 2: kind of continue to grow on. But I just thought
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  Speaker 2: this idea that a thought is just a thought. It's
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  Speaker 2: the emphasis we put on that thought that changes everything.
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  Speaker 2: And if I can learn this now, hopefully I can
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  Speaker 2: help our children to recognize and understand that their thoughts
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  Speaker 2: literally are the first step to where they end up.
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  Speaker 2: And if we can get that thoughts right from the beginning,
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  Speaker 2: how different life will be if they can be open
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  Speaker 2: to new opportunities and don't judge themselves harshly because they
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  Speaker 2: don't get something right first go round, or you know,
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  Speaker 2: feel afraid to fail. I think that's a huge one
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  Speaker 2: for me. I've been so scared to fail. What that
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  Speaker 2: would look like, what people would think of me if
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  Speaker 2: I got things wrong, you know, and able to navigate
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  Speaker 2: the airport, and just realize all I have to do
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  Speaker 2: is ask a question. If I get stuck, people want
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  Speaker 2: to help. Yeah they did, and they were They were amazing.
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  Speaker 2: They didn't look at me and go, You're such an idiot.
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  Speaker 2: Why are you asking that? It's so obvious, there's the
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  Speaker 2: sign or whatever. They were just so ready to help.
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  Speaker 1: But from a parenting point of view, this applies as well,
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  Speaker 1: because our kids off and panic and think I can't
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  Speaker 1: do it. It's too big. The challenges in front of me
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  Speaker 1: is too much. And yet there are so many people
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  Speaker 1: around who are so so ready to help if they
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  Speaker 1: ever get stuck. And I think that it doesn't just
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  Speaker 1: apply for mums who are having brand new adventures. I
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  Speaker 1: think it applies for our kids.
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  Speaker 2: As well totally. And I feel like I can be
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  Speaker 2: a better parent because I'm navigating that space now.
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  Speaker 1: So what does this mean for you? What does this
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  Speaker 1: old do better tomorrow take home message?
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  Speaker 2: I really think it's about helping our children recognize because
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  Speaker 2: of the example we set that it's okay, number one,
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  Speaker 2: to not have all the answers, That it's okay to
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  Speaker 2: fail and get it wrong. That it's okay to try
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  Speaker 2: something new, be so frustrated by it, but be open
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  Speaker 2: to trying it again. Like it just it works into
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  Speaker 2: every facet of our lives. That for me personally, it's
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  Speaker 2: helping our kids recognize that their thoughts are so influential
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  Speaker 2: on what the next step is for them.
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  Speaker 1: Here's my question for you, as we transition into my
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  Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow, at what point is the food
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  Speaker 1: that's on the table no longer fair game. What I
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  Speaker 1: mean by that is, let's say we're having a roast
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  Speaker 1: dinner and all the food is laid out in the
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  Speaker 1: middle of the table. We've got plates of meat and
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  Speaker 1: potatoes and vegetables and the gravies there, all that sort
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  Speaker 1: of stuff. If I take some food out of one
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  Speaker 1: of the bowls in the middle of the table and
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  Speaker 1: put that food onto my plate, is it safe for
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  Speaker 1: me to assume that that food is now mine and
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  Speaker 1: that nobody's going to touch it.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like this is a bit of a loaded question.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to suggest that it should be saying.
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  Speaker 1: It should be So what I really want to know
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  Speaker 1: is at what point is it is it truly mine?
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  Speaker 1: Does it need to be on my plate or does
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  Speaker 1: it need to be on my fork? Or does it
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  Speaker 1: actually have to be in my mouth?
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  Speaker 2: I would say, based on where you're taking this conversation,
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  Speaker 2: that it's probably need to be in your belly, for
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  Speaker 2: it's technically yours. What happened while I was gone?
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  Speaker 1: So I've cooked this roast. It was such a great
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  Speaker 1: lamb roast, and we've got all the vegetables on the table.
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  Speaker 1: We have one daughter who is, I don't know how
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  Speaker 1: else to say it, a potato fiend.
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  Speaker 2: I can't believe you're talking about this. I lived student life.
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  Speaker 2: I was eating rations for days. We have telling me
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  Speaker 2: about a roast inner.
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  Speaker 1: It was so good. So here's the thing, this daughter
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  Speaker 1: who loves potatoes. Somebody points out, oh, there's only one
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  Speaker 1: potato left in the potato bowl. So we've got the
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  Speaker 1: potato and sweet potato and the pumpkin. There there's still
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  Speaker 1: a little of a sweet potato, but one potato left.
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  Speaker 1: One roast potato, crispy on the outside, succulent, soft on
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  Speaker 1: the inside, steaming, piping hot. One potato. We've already had
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  Speaker 1: our first go round the table, and a couple of
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  Speaker 1: them have probably had a little bit of extra as well.
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  Speaker 1: And I see that potato in the bowl, and before
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  Speaker 1: I can even react, our potato loving daughter has got
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  Speaker 1: her fork and she is trying to stab that potato
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  Speaker 1: in that bowl. But I'm thinking the potato is fair
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  Speaker 1: game because it's in the bottle.
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  Speaker 2: You started it, it wasn't her.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't have time to pick up my fork. So
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  Speaker 1: with my right hand, I'm trying to hold her hand
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  Speaker 1: back that's got the fork in it. And with my
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  Speaker 1: left hand, I've literally pushed my hand through the sweet potato,
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  Speaker 1: through the pumpkin, and I've got my little fingers around
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  Speaker 1: that perfect potato.
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  Speaker 2: You would never have done that if I was home.
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  Speaker 1: And I've pulled the potato out as she's doing everything
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  Speaker 1: she can to get that fork into the potato, even
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  Speaker 1: though it's in my hand. It's in my hand, it's
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  Speaker 1: now in my possession. It can't be fair game anymore.
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  Speaker 2: No.
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  Speaker 1: Then, and then I put them, but you interfered regardless.
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  Speaker 1: The potato is then placed by my hand onto my plate.
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  Speaker 2: Well you asked for it, That's all I'm saying.
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  Speaker 1: And as I pick up my fork to put it
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  Speaker 1: in my potato so that I can eat it, she
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  Speaker 1: reaches out, picks the potato up off my plate and
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  Speaker 1: puts it in her mouth.
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  Speaker 2: You asked for it, And I want.
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  Speaker 1: To know is that fair or is that unfair? Because
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  Speaker 1: I think she deserved every morese I expect a little
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  Speaker 1: bit of support. And what are you saying that the
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  Speaker 1: food has to be in your mouth? Otherwise it should
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  Speaker 1: be on your plate.
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  Speaker 2: But if somebody is going towards it and you physically
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  Speaker 2: interfere and stop them, then it's not yours.
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  Speaker 1: It's this I've had. This is actually kind of hard
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  Speaker 1: for me to talk about, but I'm going to put
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  Speaker 1: it out there anyway. I've had the best week. I've
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  Speaker 1: missed you incredibly, and we need you in our lives.
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  Speaker 2: But yes, my house, jeph Not says, I can't.
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  Speaker 1: This is the builders and the renovators. You can't sort
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  Speaker 1: of put me in. I did washing, I did ironing,
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  Speaker 1: I did folding, I did cooking, I did cleaning. I
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  Speaker 1: got the kids to school pretty much on time every day,
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  Speaker 1: and I worked full time. I was brilliant. But what
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  Speaker 1: I really struggle with is, I mean, I do a
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  Speaker 1: lot of travel for work. Right I'm always on aeroplanes
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  Speaker 1: and things, visiting places and teaching people how to make
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  Speaker 1: their families happier. And for the last ten days or so,
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  Speaker 1: I've had the opportunity to be at home and spend
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  Speaker 1: that time with the kids.
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  Speaker 2: And I remember when.
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  Speaker 1: Covid here and we made that commitment, Oh, we're never
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  Speaker 1: going to go back. We've got to be better than
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: we were. We can't be so busy. And I feel
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  Speaker 1: like we're as busy, if not busy, than we've ever been.
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  Speaker 1: And so many families that I talked to are the same.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: It's Father's Day on Sunday, and I want to just
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  Speaker 1: emphasize how badly kids need their dads. If dad's safe,
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  Speaker 1: if dad can be around, even if you're co parenting.
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  Speaker 1: I know that families have all kinds of different structures.
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  Speaker 2: Now.
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  Speaker 1: The kids need their dads, they really really do. And
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  Speaker 1: the last ten days or so, while you've been gone,
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  Speaker 1: it has just been so much fun to you know
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  Speaker 1: how in last week's or the week before, when we
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  Speaker 1: did all do better tomorrow and we talked about buying
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Monopoly and playing Monopoly, the kids asked if they could
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  Speaker 1: play Monopoly with me and we played for like, I know,
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  Speaker 1: two and a half days of Monopoly. That's how long
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  Speaker 1: it took to finish the game. And once again I
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  Speaker 1: destroyed them and it was wonderful. I owned hotels on
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  Speaker 1: every single Well, what.
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  Speaker 2: Happened because the phone call I had with you previous
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: to your witing, you were drowning.
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  Speaker 1: I was, I was, but I played a couple of
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  Speaker 1: really smart hands and I got back on top.
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  Speaker 2: But he's giving them a false sense of security.
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  Speaker 1: Here's my point. Dad's involvement and Mum's involvement, slowing it down,
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  Speaker 1: being present, being together, Oh gee, it makes such a difference.
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  Speaker 1: And my older Better tomorrow is just the value of
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  Speaker 1: time together, the importance of presents. And I guess finally,
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  Speaker 1: if you want the food, get it on your plate
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  Speaker 1: and then eat it in a different room. It's the
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  Speaker 1: only way that you can guarantee that it's safe.
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  Speaker 2: Have a happy family.
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  Speaker 1: No cook more potatoes, I guess potatoes. Therel of that story,
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  Speaker 1: We really hope that you've enjoyed our old do better
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: tomorrow today, have a wonderful weekend. If Father's Day is
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  Speaker 1: something that you get to celebrate, please have the most
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  Speaker 1: tremendous time, really celebrate being together and if not, please
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: know that our hearts and our thoughts are with you.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: We hope that you get to have a really nice
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: weekend doing things that matter to you and your family.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: you would like more information about our upcoming smells like
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Teen Spirits Summit, the Early Special finishes in around about
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: a week's time. All the information that you need for
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: how to have a happy family with teenagers is available
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: at Facebook Dr Justin Pilson's Happy Families and online at
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au.