Latest / Rooted & Real With Keenan / Your Limit Is Not a Character Flaw: Capacity Limits, Burnout, and Biblical Rest
Transcript
- Keenan Crowley AI: ⁓ I'm Keenan Crowley. I'm a registered mental health counseling intern, and this podcast is where we talk about mental health, emotional resilience, relationships, faith, and practical tools for real people trying to live grounded lives. Before we get into it, quick disclaimer. am a therapist, but I not your therapist. This podcast is for education, encouragement, and reflection. Keenan: Hey y'all, welcome back to Rooted and Real. My name's Keenan and I did my little disclaimer before. so I don't need to say it again. so you know, I want to talk about something I think a lot of people feel but don't really know how to say it or how to talk about it. and that's ⁓ capacity limits. Keenan Crowley AI: It is not a substitute for counseling, medical care, crisis support, or a personal treatment plan. If you are in crisis or thinking ⁓ about harming yourself, please reach out immediately to Emergency Services 988 in the United States or a trusted person near you. Keenan: Mental health leave, burnout. overloaded. These are things that like We don't like to say. like in all honesty, there's a quiet shame that hits when start to wonder why can't I handle ⁓ normal anymore? So here's the question for today. And this is what I'm wondering. Are people weaker now? Or are just honest about our limits? Because I hear this all the time. Like people say, I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to be able to handle so much more. I should be stronger than this. other people have it worse. I feel guilty for needing a break. If I feel I feel like if I stop, everything will fall apart. And I want to say this. ⁓ Really clearly up front. Your limit is not a character flaw. That does not mean every limit should control your life. That does not mean discomfort is always dangerous. That does not mean we avoid hard things. That does not mean we call every stressful moment trauma. And I'm not sitting here promoting fragility. But I am saying this you're not a machine. You are a human being. You have a body. You have a nervous system. You have emotions. You have relational needs. You have spiritual needs. You need to sleep. You need food. You need connection. You need quiet. You need recovery. And when demands keep exceeding your capacity, something will eventually break down. Not because you're weak. Just because you're human. A lot of people right now are not just dealing with one stressor. They're dealing with stacked stressors. Work stress, family stress, financial stress, health stress, church responsibility, parenting, strain, aging constant notifications, constant decisions. constant noise. So when people say life feels heavier, they may actually not be exaggerating. And they may be describing reality. And as Christians, we have to be really careful here. Because sometimes in Christian circles, we can spiritualize over functioning. We call it faithfulness. We call it sacrifice. We call it serving. We call it being dependable. And sometimes it is those things. It certainly can be. But sometimes it is a fear. Sometimes it's pride. Sometimes it's people pleasing. Sometimes it's control. Sometimes it's an inability to say, I am not God. I cannot carry everything. Exodus eighteen, Moses is leading the people. He's judging disputes. He's carrying the weight of everyone need of everyone's need. And Jethro looks at him and says, are you doing? What you are doing is not good. Then he says, You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. Then Exodus 18, 17 says, notice that. Moses is not being lazy. Moses is not being selfish. Moses was not being rebellious. Moses was doing too much. Jethro did not say try harder. He said this is not good. Somebody listening ⁓ to hear that. The fact that you can technically keep going does not mean what you are doing is wise. You can be high capacity. And still overloaded. You can be strong and still tired. You can be faithful and still need help. You can love your family and still need margin. You can be called by God and still need delegation. Jesus Himself said to his disciples in Mark 6:31, he says, Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while. Why? Because people were coming and going and they had no leisure even to eat. And that sounds like some of you. Some of you aren't even eating normally. You're not sleeping normally. You're not thinking clearly. You are snapping at people you love and you care about. You're forgetting things. You are numb. You are tired but wired. You are scrolling because you're too exhausted to actually rest. You are saying yes with your mouth and resenting people in your heart. And then you call that Christian maturity. But Jesus looked at tired disciples and said, Come away and rest. Before we keep going, I also want you to know about an upcoming episode of Rude and Real with Keenan that connects really well with what we're talking about here today. In this upcoming episode, this conversation, I sit down with Renee Ambries. She's the creator of Yoga for Face, which is an international best-selling author, mentor, and host of Back to Paradise. Renee shares a powerful story of loss. Reinvention, body reconnection, and learning how to rebuild from the inside out. One of the moments that really stood out to me was what she described as like a like a mirror moment. And you'll hear more about on the episode, where she had to stop and ask herself, what is my body trying to tell me? And I think that question is so important. Cause a lot of us are not listening to our bodies until our bodies start screaming, until they start hurting. We ignore the tight chest. We ignore the exhaustion. We ignore the irritability. We ignore the numbness. We ignore the way we avoid mirrors, avoid silence, avoid rest, and avoid grief. And then we wonder why we feel disconnected from ourselves, from God, and from the people we love. In that episode. Renee and I talk about self-love, childhood wounds, purpose, emotional release, and the simple but powerful practice of reconnecting with your smile, your body, and your true self. And no, it's not about vanity. It is about attention. It is about learning to notice what your body has been carrying. It is about healing from the inside out. So make sure you look out for that upcoming episode with Renee Ambrice. And I think it's going to encourage a lot of people, especially anyone who's been through loss, transition, body disconnection, or a season where they've had to rebuild their life from the ground up. Now let's come back to what we're talking about today because capacity limits are often one of the ways our body starts telling the truth before our mouth is ready to say it. So let's define our terms. Let's define capacity. Capacity is your actual current bandwidth. Not your fantasy bandwidth, not your old bandwidth, not your Instagram version, TikTok, face, whatever, not the version from five years ago, before the grief, before the baby, before the job change, before the panic attacks, before the marriage stress, before the diagnosis, and before the caregiving season. Your actual capacity today in the here and now. And that capacity changes. Your capacity is affected by sleep. It's affected by chronic stress. It's affected by trauma history. It's affected by your health. It is affected by conflict. It's affected by loneliness. It's affected by decision fatigue. It is affected by whether you have support. So instead of asking, what should I be able to handle? Ask this. What is my actual capacity right now. And that question is not weakness. It's wisdom. Let's talk about overload versus weakness. So weakness says something is wrong with me. Overload says much is being asked of the system for too long without enough recovery. Those are very different. Imagine your phone battery is at 3%. ⁓ You open maps, music, social media, email, camera, whatever. All these apps. And then the phone dies. Like that. You do not say this phone has a character problem. You wouldn't say something like that. You say it needed to be charged. Now, people were not phones. Not even close. But the point still stands here. A depleted system. cannot keep producing at full strength. And here's where some of us need to repent. Not of laziness, but of pride. Because hidden pride can sound like this. No one else can do it right. They can also say, it's easier if I just do it. Or they need me. do not want to disappoint anyone. I can't say no. What will they think? If I slow down, I'll fall behind. If I rest, I'm wasting time. That may sound responsible and cool and brave and whatever, but underneath it may actually be fear. So, something Jordan Peterson has said meaning is found through responsibility. And I think there's truth there. Responsibility matters. A meaningful life is not built by avoiding every hard thing. But here's the Christian connection responsibility does not mean pretending. You're limitless. Responsibility means carrying what God has actually assigned to you in a way that honors God, loves people, and tells the truth about your humanity. Some people are not avoiding responsibility. They're carrying responsibilities that God never gave them. And that's different. So here's the hard question: Are you overloaded because life is genuinely demanding right now? ⁓ Are you overloaded because you keep volunteering for burdens that just aren't yours? And that one stinks. Because some of us are addicted to being needed. Some of us would rather be exhausted than unknown. Some of us would rather be resentful than honest. Some of us would rather call ourselves servants than admit we're afraid of disappointing people. So Pastor Mike has a sermon line, he said, free choices don't come with chains. That is strong. Because some of us call it freedom, but we are chained to everybody else's expectations. We are chained to the image of being dependable, chained to the role of rescuer, chained to the fear that if we say no, we won't be loved. But biblical love. Is not a slavery to demand. Biblical love has wisdom. Biblical love has order. Biblical love has truth. Jesus was the most loving person who ever lived, and he still withdrew to desolate places to pray. Luke 5 tells us crowds came to hear him and be healed. But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray. Be alone. He did let need alone dictate his schedule. And that is important. Because there will always be more need. More emails, more text, more tasks, more clients, more people, more assignments, more opportunities, more problems, more ministry, more things to do, more family needs. Need is not the same thing as assignment. Just because something is needed does not mean God assigned it to you. So let's talk about mental health leave. And I just want to make sure I'm really careful here. Mental health leave should not be used casually as a way to dis to avoid discomfort, conflict, responsibility, or growth. Hard conversations are not automatically trauma. Stress is not always pathology. Life requires endurance. But, but there are times when a person genuinely needs a reduction in demand. There are times when someone needs therapy. They need a medical evaluation. They need rest, a structured plan, and space to stabilize. If you're having panic attacks, you can't sleep, can't function, you feel numb. Crying frequently, you're becoming unsafe, you're using substances to cope, or thinking, I can't keep doing this. please, please. Do not push through that and call it strength. Talk to a qualified professional. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your therapist. Talk to someone that you trust. Talk to HR if it's appropriate. Talk to someone safe. Mental health leave is not a moral failure. Sometimes it's wisdom. Sometimes it is the interruption that keeps a breakdown from becoming a collapse. And for the Christian, rest is not escape from responsibility. Rest is recovery for the responsibility. So if we look at Psalms 127, 2, it says this it is in vain that you will rise up early. And go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. John Piper describes sleep as this a gift of love. And I love that phrase. Because some of you treat sleep like it's a weakness. You take a nap and you feel bad. God treats sleep like a gift. And some of you treat it like a failure. God built rest into creation. Some of you treat limits like shame. God treats limits like design. God even rested on the seventh day. He had to take a break. He had to pull back. So with all this, you know, what do we do this week? What do we do with all this? Not in theory, but practically. So here's four things you can do. Number one, name your actual load. Write down everything you are carrying. Work, your family, marriage, ⁓ Church, your health, friendships, emotional burdens, emotional things, invisible labor, decisions you have to make, unresolved conflict. Some people say, I don't know why I'm so tired. And then when they write the list, it becomes obvious. They're just like, Whoa, wow. You are tired because you're carrying a lot. And you're carrying a lot and you're tired, and you don't realize it until you make this list. So, number two, second thing you can do. Identify one unnecessary burden. Not everything can be removed. Some things are yours and you have to do them. Your children matter, your marriage matters, your work matters, your health matters, your walk with God matters. But some burdens are optional. Some are just ego. And some are guilt. Some are habit. Some are fear. Some are outdated. Some are outdated commitments. Some are things you said yes to in one season and no longer fit the season that you're actually in. So ask yourself this. What is one burden I can remove, reduce, delegate, delay, or simplify? Number three build build non negotiable market. So let's define this term. Margin means space between demand and capacity. No margin means every small problem becomes a crisis. Traffic becomes rage. A child's attitude becomes explosion. A spouse's tone becomes a war. An email becomes panic. A bill becomes despair. And why is that? Because you have no buffer. Margin protects your nervous system. Margin protects your relationships. Margin protects your spiritual life. Margin protects your ability to respond instead of react. Number four, tell the truth sooner. Do not wait until you hate everyone to admit you're overlooked. Do not wait until your body shuts down. Do not wait until your marriage is cold. Do not wait until your kids only know the irritated version of you. Tell the truth sooner. Say something like this. I'm overloaded. I need help. I need to simplify. I cannot take that on. I need to talk to someone. I need rest. I need a break. I need a plan. That is not weakness. That's wisdom. And for the person who feels guilty right now, let me pastorally and clinically say this. You are not God. You are allowed to be limited. You are allowed to need sleep. You are allowed to need help. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to disappoint people without being cruel. You're allowed to be faithful without being frantic. You are allowed to rest without apologizing for being human. The goal here is not to become soft. The goal is to become sturdy. And sturdy people know what they can carry. They know what they cannot carry. They know when to push. They know when to pause. They know when to serve. They know when to withdraw. They know when to endure. They know when to ask for help. So this week, here's your challenge. Remove one unnecessary burden. One Cancel one thing. Delegate one thing. Simplify one thing. Have one honest conversation. Take ⁓ one rest block. Make one appointment. Say one ⁓ clean no. your limit is not a character. And maybe most of the most faithful thing you can do this week is stop pretending you don't have one. And before we close, make sure you watch the upcoming upcoming episode of Rooted and Real, where I sit down with Renee, the creator of Yoga for Face. International best-selling author, mentor, and host of Back to Paradise, where we hear Renee's story of loss, reinvention, body reconnection, and rebuilding from the inside out. a powerful mirror moment, force her to ask, What is my body trying to tell me? We talk about self-love, childhood wounds, purpose, emotional release, and simple, powerful of reconnecting with your smile, your body, and your true self. It's a beautiful conversation about healing, embodiment, and learning to listen again. So keep an eye out for that episode. Thank you all for listening. This has been rooted in real. I'm Keenan. Stay grounded. Stay honest. Stay rooted in Christ. And remember, limits are not a failure. Sometimes limits are where wisdom begins.