Latest / Integrity at Scale™ / The Owner's Room: Is This Actually Necessary?
Transcript
- Hey. Hey, Dr. Tara Vossenkemper here, and you are listening to the Culture Focus Practice podcast. Thank you, of course, for being here with me. We're talking about selectivity today, so I am not burned out. I am not depressed, but I have absolutely been noticing more selectivity in my life. I have had a different relationship with my work. My energy levels feels very different and my sense of what feels worth doing feels definitely different than what it used to. I don't fully understand it, which makes it great fodder for an owners room episode because this is all about exploring questions that I don't yet have the answer to, and I do feel like a little bit of context is in order. One is that I'm actively in perimenopause and I've been taking progesterone for probably five or six months. Two, I've been sober for probably 10 months at this point, and not that I was drinking daily, but I decided to just cut it out entirely. So I don't drink anything anymore, and I'm not even California sober. Not that that matters. No judgment of people who are. Three, I stopped taking adderall about a month ago. So I'm saying all of this because hormonally and neurochemically, I feel like there's some shit that has been happening for me. My practice is stable. Nothing's on fire. There are some big things that I am actively attempting to offload, but they're not going poorly. I just don't think they belong in my lap anymore. They don't align with the visionary role. So ultimately everything is working and I don't really feel pulled or pushed to do anything. That's what this is about. Like there's something selective happening and we're gonna explore it together. I do not have a scenario for this owner's room. I'm just gonna walk through a series of five or six questions. I haven't quite decided, but I have a few highlighted. I have not thought about these in advance of choosing them for right now. If you are a longtime listener, you already know this. If you're new, that's the norm, and I'm just gonna get right into them. 📍 Question number one, what immediately feels like a yes? And what immediately feels like noise. Okay. So interestingly, and I feel like this is some of what's been happening lately, what immediately feels like a yes to me is hiking in the woods. That's a yes. Weirdly enough, I started doing Pilates. That feels like a yes. I don't even feel super enthusiastic about it, but it's almost like my body has decided for me like, yeah, you should go do that. And so I'm just kind of doing this thing. Those things feel like, yes, I think things that really make me feel physically grounded in myself. Plus, I don't know who doesn't love a hike in the woods. I freaking love being surrounded by trees. It's my fucking favorite man. It's my favorite. And then what immediately feels like noise. This is gonna sound super shitty, but anything that requires my input beyond what I've already given feels like noise. And by that I mean to say when people are actively seeking to either get information from me or pulling me into a problem that I don't necessarily need to be involved in, but maybe in some cases I do. That feels like noise. This is not even a big issue, but it's just kind of a testament to what I'm talking about. There was a contractor and how we typically pay them wasn't working for this person. There was just kind of a hiccup and I don't have it set up that somebody else can fix that, so I got pulled back in. It's sort of like, yeah, rightfully so. You know, I'm running payroll still. I don't have it set up that somebody else can navigate this and make decisions on it, so it's mine. That's noise. That's what I'm talking about. Small issue, little hiccup. Easy to fix. And once it was fixed, actually I could say, Hey, actually you can take care of this next time. Or this can live over here. But it's noisy. I don't wanna spend my time doing this. I don't wanna think about this. It's such a small sort of problem, but it's like an itch that doesn't go away, you know? I thought this was done. I'd already tried to do something with it. Got kicked back, got kicked back again. And I've gotta step back into it. That like back and forth dance, anything like that feels noisy to me. It's just loud. It's not even loud. It's just like a bunch of fucking gnats flying around your face, which doesn't sound nice because it's not even about the people involved. It's just about feeling like, God, I can't escape this, you know? Or like Pigpen from Charlie Brown where he always has that like dirt around his head, whatever that is. That's kind of how it feels. I can't escape this thing. You know what also feels like a yes is more family time. Like I'm like craving more time with my kids, with my husband, craving more time just at home, like doing homey type things. And that's not to say that I don't enjoy that in general, but that is to say that I'm just like really wanting more of it, like much more than what is typical for me. And you know what's interesting as I'm answering this, I'm also realizing that what immediately feels like a yes, none of my answers have anything to do with work, like practice or consulting or other business ventures, other things I have in my head. None of those things feel like a yes. I think that's part of the selectivity piece. It's part of this, like I don't feel pulled over here right now, and I don't think it's gone forever, but I don't feel it in this moment. And that is, it's new. It's a new place for me to be. Okay. I think that wraps up question 📍 number one. Okay. Question two, what am I noticing about my relationship to stimulation, Adderall, coffee, even just intensity in general? There's a few thoughts that I have about this. One is that as soon as I stopped taking Adderall, there was a few days where I was sleepy a little bit after, you know. And then I really craved being in the woods. I just wanted to be surrounded by trees and I would touch them as I was hiking. I was much more sensitive to coffee, which was interesting. But after this sort of like initial phase of like stopping taking it, it was not even a full week, I would say maybe like a week and a half, maybe two, until I felt more reset, if that makes sense. I think that the intensity that I crave is like a deeper, more substantive intensity. So I'm not interested, I don't even wanna say anymore because it doesn't feel like I changed this on purpose. It just feels like, because of whatever changes in my system. This is like a byproduct. I want more focused time where I can like deeply dive into things that when I'm doing work stuff that impact the work I'm doing, that impact my practice especially. I don't want to be doing more for the sake of doing more. I don't wanna be working hard for the sake of working hard. That's not enjoyable. I think it used to be, it's not anymore. I can't feel like this is really important to me. It's really important for the group. I really need to be doing this. Then it feels like noise. If we go back to question number one. That's not the intensity that I want in my life. That's not the stimulation that I want in my life. I will also say that I think just in general, I'm noticing a decrease in a desire for stimulation. Like I want less of it, which is ironic given that my house is, filled with children. I say filled, like I have 10 kids, I have three, but it's full of children, eight and under, and whew. We get a lot of stimulation in the house. There's a lot of noise. In general, I would say I'm wanting more depth and I am wanting less noise, both physical noise, but also mental noise. Oh, that totally reminds me. There's a book called Golden, and I can't remember why it was called Golden, but the author, I don't remember who, they were writing about stimulation and how stimulation is not just noise. It's not just auditory stimulation. There's sort of the background noise in your mind. There's, um, gosh. More to it than I can remember right now. But I'm reminded of that book right now and I'm thinking I need to revisit that, 'cause it's been a long time, long enough that I can't even tell you about it right now. Okay. I think I'm done with that question. I'm gonna keep 📍 going. Question number three. If I didn't have to do or decide anything right now, what would I just observe? That is an interesting question. I don't know. I don't know what I would just observe. I think I would do more gardening. Is that, no, that's doing, isn't it? Maybe I would observe my plants more. I would observe them how they're doing and the birds. Yeah. I would observe the birds. We get a lot of mocking birds at my house and I think they're a little bit, assertive and so I really wanna see some finches, but they're not coming through, little finches, even though I have food out for 'em. This is what I'm talking about, like that's where I wanna spend my time. I wanna sit and just watch with my binoculars, observing the birds as they fly around my backyard. That's honestly it. Gosh, I can't even believe that. I don't have anything else. I mean, that's really it. I am genuinely like, oh shit. I didn't realize the extent to which I feel called to just be tuned in with anything nature related right now, like that's what I am most interested in. I am also struck by the fact that this is a group practice podcast. Well, I mean, it's a culture focused practice podcast, but a lot of people who listen, I think are group practice owners, and here I am talking about nature and birds and it's hard for me to even get in the mindset of practice stuff right now. Like I'm so just thinking about being outside, going hiking, feeding the birds, watching them doing homeschooling, like that's the stuff that's like floating in my head, that's taking up space. You know? That's taking up space that I want it to take up. I am just gonna go with it. Fuck it. Let's just keep doing this. Even if my answers are all unrelated to practice ownership. This is what's happening. Like shit is still running well, and you know, honestly, maybe that's part of why I'm able to stop and step back and think like, where do I wanna be? I wanna be outside. I wanna be watching the birds because it's running well. There has been no time since the start of group practice ownership that I've been in this place, no time. I mean that very literally. I'm not being hyperbolic, if that's the right word. There's no hyperbole here. It's literal. For the first time in eight years. I'm in the space where I actively can step back and part of me is wondering right now as I'm like answering these questions and talking out loud is my need for being in the natural world more about all of the focus and grind and noise that has been taking place over the past so many years. And now as I'm talking, I'm wondering the need for the being in the natural world, if it's really more about like the equal and opposite reaction to the intensity and grind over the past eight years. This is what happens. Like the pendulum swung and got stuck and now it's swinging back and it's a little bit, maybe slower moving to get over here. Maybe it gets stuck over here for a hot minute. I don't have any fucking idea. My point is, is this it like the equal and opposite reaction is, I don't wanna think about that. I wanna be over here and I wanna just experience being outside in the spring. That's what I want. That's what my body wants too. So I think that my answer stands. I would just observe the birds and the squirrels whenever I'm hiking. There's a lot of those bad boys. 📍 Yeah. Okay, question four. Let's keep going though. I'll try to focus some of these on practice stuff. What am I noticing that I no longer have tolerance for? Maybe this is a cop out question I didn't realize, but my answer's probably gonna be similar to the above. I don't have much tolerance for noise anymore. I don't have much tolerance for getting involved in stuff that I don't wanna be involved in, which is not to say that I am pissy with the people or it's less about any person that I'm agitated with and more about, I don't want involvement in this thing anymore. So I don't even know if there's like frustration necessarily. It's just like, Ugh, I'm tired of this. You know? It's sort of like that, like I'm frustrated about it. I am still actively working to remove myself from the facets that don't make sense that I am involved in, you know, entirely and it's all a process. Some things are much harder to hand over than others. Yeah. So I think there's 📍 that last question. What kind of work do I actually want to do moving forward? Okay, so this is interesting because I think that my answer for the practice is, I absolutely want to be more a visionary consultant. Like I know that much. I want to be in a position where I am visionary of the practice, but the role itself is much more consultation than it is active engagement, multiple hours a week. I know that much, but I also will not do that unless the integrity of the group stays. That's non-negotiable for me. On the consulting side, I think I'm craving more tailored one-on-one work. So with practice owners, with business owners who are seeking leadership focused role focused, systems focused support, EOS focused, fuck. That's the kind of work that I want to do more of moving forward. And I'm not saying forever 'cause I mean, for me nothing is forever. But I am saying at this moment, I'm realizing that I'm craving more depth of interaction in all of the work that I'm doing. It feels weird to say that when I just said I wanna be a visionary consultant. But I think for me that requires like depth of thought and deep understanding of the systems and also the ability to like forecast and think, where is this going next? Like there's something about this like creativity around it that feels. Like for me depth, it scratches a deep itch. And then on the consulting side, I think there's something about depth of interaction, meaning like in the one-to-one engagement, I wanna like really go deep, you know, really dive in with people not be involved in their day-to-day. No, not by any means, but actively be involved with, from my perspective, like very core processes, leadership, structure, culture, like boom, boom. You need these things in very quality shape. Tip top, shape tip, top shape. Timmy, Timmy, and Tara. 📍 I'll do this question just to close this out. So this is actually the final question. What parts of the group practice still matter deeply and what parts feel heavy? I think that the whole practice still matters deeply. The people matter deeply, that it runs well, matters deeply that the services we provide are quality matters deeply, that people feel cared for. I mean, the entire thing still matters deeply to me. And the stuff that feels heavy is probably to some extent, the emotional weight of it mattering deeply. If you care about something, if you care deeply like it weighs heavy too, you know? So that does feel heavy to an extent, and I think some distance, like having a stellar integrator in place, for example, really helps to cushion that. I think the other piece that feels heavy is, some of the maintenance stuff that, the stuff that I'm still trying to work out of like the payroll systems, like marketing, which is on a fabulous side note, I have a role in mind and I've got a mental system, like I've got this new thing happening related to marketing that is really gonna be helpful. And no, I'm not saying an agency is going to come in and like save something. just mean, the way I've conceptualized a role related to marketing is gonna be fucking pivotal. So I'm really, really pumped about that. More importantly, I'm really pumped to hand over marketing related numbers to a true owner. That's what I'm pumped about. That feels heavy though right now, like not having this role in place and payroll and benefits administration having that still, that feels heavy. Yeah, I think that might be it. Now. I think those things feel heavy, but it feels important to me to say out loud just in case it doesn't come across this way. The entire practice is still very important to me. It still matters very, very 📍 deeply. Alright. This has been, I don't know what it's been for you, but it's been nice to talk about this stuff out loud a little bit for me. So hopefully you relate to it or it, touches your heart or your mind in some way. I'm being cheesy on purpose. Yeah, I think that does it. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Of course, as per usual, either subscribe so you get all the notifications about new episodes dropping and slash, or it makes it easier to find and listen to old episodes or send this to somebody that you think needs to hear it. Maybe somebody who's in the thick of it also, and by in the thick of it, I mean questioning why they feel so. Not indifferent, but less interested in things that they used to be really interested in. Maybe something along those lines. So otherwise, it was great seeing you and I will see you on the next episode. Thanks, bye.