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Is It My Anxiety or His Inconsistency? How I Learned the Difference in Christian Dating · Girl, Date the Good Guy ™ | Healing After Heartbreak & A Toxic Relationship

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  When I started dating my good guy, I had no idea this relationship would become
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  my real training ground.
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  The true test of healing after years of heartbreak and nearly 10 years of celibacy.
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  I thought I was healed enough, but what I didn't realize was how afraid I still
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  was to open my heart again.
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  God was using this relationship for my good, not just to give me love,
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  but to expose what still needed healing inside of me.
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  If you're done chasing broken love, empty promises, and lukewarm men,
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  and you're finally ready to reclaim your crown, heal your heart,
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  and attract the God-led love you were always meant for, you're in the right place.
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  Hi, I'm Emily Jordan, your faith-based, healed feminine guide and relationship coach.
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  I went from repeating the same heartbreaking cycles to experiencing a godly,
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  healthy, aligned love. And now I help women just like you heal,
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  rise, and prepare for God's very best.
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  So are you ready to begin your royal training?
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  Grab your crown, your heart, and your journal. Your royal transformation begins now.
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  Hey sis, welcome back to another episode of Girl Date the Good Guy.
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  Today, I am so excited to share, is this my anxiety or is this his inconsistency?
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  And I thought the best way to do this was to talk about my own experience so
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  that way you can receive more clarity.
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  So when my good guy came back into my life, I still had lessons to learn.
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  And when I say came back into my life, guys, this was my middle school crush.
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  Like God had my middle school crush come back around into my life 35 years later.
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  Come on, if God didn't already have a plan for me. Come on.
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  And this guy was my best friend in middle school. So no wonder we both had a
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  journey along and learned lessons. that brought us back together.
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  I always knew God was going to bring somebody back from my past.
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  I don't know why. It was just this inner knowing in my spirit that God had someone coming from my past.
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  And as crazy as it is, my guy is everything that I needed in my life.
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  Like God had already planted him in my life. And I'll talk more about that later
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  because there was a lot of invisible strings between us.
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  And so I can't wait to share a lot of that with you as well.
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  But I want to get into this today, because healing doesn't stop when love arrives.
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  We're always evolving into better versions of ourselves.
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  And when my wonderful, beautiful God guy came into my life, I still had lessons to learn.
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  And one of the biggest lessons I had to learn was how to use my voice again,
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  because it had been completely silenced after narcissistic abuse.
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  I didn't know how to ask for what I needed because all I had ever known was
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  my opinions didn't matter.
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  My needs didn't matter. It was all about the narcissist. And you guys know that.
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  Narcissism is real. It is a heart issue. And these men...
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  Literally, all they care about is what they need. It is their world,
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  and you're just living in it. But we don't have to get into that today.
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  But because my voice had been silenced for years, I expected my good guy to
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  read my mind, which, let's be honest, that's impossible.
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  Instead of speaking up, I pushed him away, not because he did anything wrong,
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  but because I was terrified of love and being hurt again. Peace felt unfamiliar.
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  Silence felt uncomfortable. My nervous system was absolutely used to chaos.
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  So my mind filled the quiet with fear.
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  I overthought everything. I assumed the worst. I questioned his intentions.
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  I was suspicious, not because of his actions, but because of my past.
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  I had real trust issues.
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  So I want to talk about who he was, the good guy, the God guy,
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  the guy that you're looking for, the one you will know that is sent from God.
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  Because this changed everything for my life. And I know God has the same for you.
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  I know he does this. If he did it for me, he's going to do it for you. He's a faithful God.
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  His heart for his daughters is incredible. And so a few points on the good guy.
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  He never punished me for my fear. He never pushed, he never pulled away when I struggled.
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  He never made me feel like I was too much. He loved me gently,
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  respectfully, and peacefully.
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  When I ran, he stayed. When I cried, he listened. When I was scared, he comforted me.
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  He consistently reminded me, I'm not going anywhere.
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  I love you for who you truly are. you are safe with me he loved me the way Christ loves with patience,
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  protection and presence little by little my nervous system began to calm I felt safe I softened.
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  This is where my feminine heart came back online.
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  Love really does heal when it's done God's way.
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  With him and with God, I slowly opened back up to my full self.
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  Not just falling in love with my good guy, that has been such an incredible
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  experience, but falling in love with the woman God always intended me to be.
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  So is it anxiety or is it inconsistency?
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  Here's how I learned the difference. When it's anxiety, all right,
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  our healing in progress, because we're, especially if you've come from trauma,
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  you have anxious attachment style, you're coming from this place, all right?
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  So when it's anxiety, he is consistent, but your mind expects abandonment.
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  He communicates, but silence triggers fear.
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  He shows up, but you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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  He reassures you, but your past tells you not to trust it yet.
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  You feel peace in your body, but your thoughts resist it.
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  Anxiety feels loud in your mind, not proven in his actions. I hope that makes sense.
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  I really hope this is helping you guys today. So now, when it's inconsistency,
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  all right, a counterfeit man, not your emotions and not your feelings or not
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  your anxious attachment style.
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  What is it when he is inconsistent, right?
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  The no-no man, the man we don't want in our lives. His words don't match his actions, okay?
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  They don't. His words do not match his behavior. That is absolutely the biggest
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  red flag. Watch what he does, not what he says.
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  That is so, so important.
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  He disappears when things get real.
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  Like, come on, sis. Women are emotional beings.
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  We need men that understand that, right?
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  And they don't run when we get emotional. And if he runs when you get emotional,
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  girl, he ain't worth your time.
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  He avoids accountability and hard conversations. Come on.
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  Is he accountable? Is he? Can he have those real hard conversations with you and not run?
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  Come on, we're talking about maturity here.
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  He gives mixed signals and keeps you guessing.
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  If you're wondering where you stand with this guy, run. Even if you have to
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  ask him, honey, where do I stand?
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  Where do we stand, honey? Because sometimes we need to open up and have these
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  conversations with the guy.
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  And if he's a good guy and he's the guy that God asked for you,
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  he's not going to have a problem discussing that with you.
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  Also, your nervous system stays activated, anxious, and unsettled.
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  His behavior causes you to feel this way, not your own doubt and fear.
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  That's different. You are going to have some issues in that until you feel comfortable
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  with healthy love, especially if you come from chaos.
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  Last but not least, you feel confused more than calm.
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  And what I mean, when I say confused, literally, you feel confused.
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  You're like, does he want to be with me? Does he want to be here?
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  Because he's not showing up. And I'm not talking about perfection.
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  All right? A good guy's not going to be perfect. And we're going to get into
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  that, too. I think we need to really talk about that as well.
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  Like, good guys aren't perfect. But there are fundamental things that they will do.
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  A lot of what I've spoken about here that shows you that they're serious about
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  you, that they're not just playing games or they just want you for one thing. Come on, let's be real.
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  Inconsistency feels unstable in your body and spirit, not just your thoughts.
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  With my good guy, even though I was having all of those issues,
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  he was absolutely the one that would come back and make me feel safe.
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  Absolutely, hands down. Every time our conversation ended, no matter how I felt,
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  he was always there and I always felt peace. Okay?
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  So peace is definitely the proof. Proof is in the peace.
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  So the kingdom truth here is this. A healed man won't trigger your anxiety,
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  but a healing woman may still feel anxious until her body learns safety again.
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  The difference is this. A good guy creates safety over time.
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  A counterfeit man creates confusion over time.
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  Peace grows with consistency. Anxiety grows with unpredictability.
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  So if he's unpredictable and you're having anxiety, run.
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  So, sis, if he is loving you like Christ, gently, patiently,
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  and consistently, don't confuse your healing process with his character.
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  And if a man keeps you anxious, uncertain, and emotionally starving,
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  that is not love. That is not God-led.
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  God does not write love stories that require you to abandon yourself.
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  Like I said before, peace is the proof, and healing happens in safe love. Sis, you did that.
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  You showed up for your healing and that is royal energy.
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  If this episode challenged you, grew you, or called you higher,
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  share it with another sister who's ready to reclaim her crown too.
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  And if you've got 30 seconds, it would bless me big if you'd leave a review on Apple Podcasts.
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  It helps more women step into their royal identity and join the Good Guys Society movement.
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  Until next time, keep your crown on, your standard tie, and your heart in royal alignment.