Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / reasons to live

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reasons to live · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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This is a poem that I wrote when I was desperately trying to find
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something to live for when I was in one of my darkest places.
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Sometimes in life it feels like everything's wrong, handshakey
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vision blurred, and I don't feel like I belong.
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But then I watch a sunset, and the fiery orange ignites
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something within me, and I realize color in the world is
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what you make. So maybe I'll watch every single
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sunset. I mean, I'd watch the sunrises
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too, but usually I sleep in way too late, you know?
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It's a simple joy, just like the smell of autumn and new
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beginning. The way people yell their hearts
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out in the car when they're singing, The ability to sit,
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feel my heartbeat and breathe. How Sometimes, not always, but
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sometimes, my soul feels in line with everything.
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The anticipation of waiting for someone to open a gift.
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The first hug after seeing someone you've missed.
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Loving hands. Caressing your face.
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Holding someone and bringing them so close until there is no
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space. The anxious anticipation.
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The night before a big adventure.
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Friends who will go places, no questions asked where and
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whenever. Hearts that have been repaired
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and scars that are healing. When your chest lightens back up
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and you're finally feeling and you're finally breathing, it
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makes it all worth it. 1000 times again.
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Because even though I hold all of this pain and anxiety within,
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I know that as long as the sun rises and sets from the sky to
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the floor, as long as the stars in the sky are alive, I have
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something to live for. I wanted to share this poem with
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you today. It's a really close part of me.
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It's one of my favorite poems that I've ever written, and I
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wrote it during a very dark time.
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I wrote it during a time where I I I felt awful.
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I was sleeping all day. I would hardly do anything.
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I had no motivation to do anything.
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And that poem became like a it. It became a source of light for
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me. It became the light at the end
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of the tunnel. It became a reminder of what
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could be, and it reminded me every day to look for something
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to live for. That's what I wanted to talk
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about today, the importance of looking for things to live for.
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And I wanted to start with that poem just because it means so
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much to me, and I wanted to share it with you today.
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But I also wanted to go through it and find some of the meaning
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within it and then connect that to how we can help our mental
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health. So my name is Ethan Jewell and
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welcome back to feel Your feelings when we're struggling.
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When we are in a dark place, often one of the last things we
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want to do is be optimistic. In fact, mental illness often
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tries to force you to do the exact opposite.
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Mental illness makes you feel bad, and then it tries to make
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you look for the bad as well. It tries to morph your entire
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perception of the world to be a negative experience.
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You could have the best day in the world.
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You could have a great, great day.
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But if you're struggling with mental health issues and they're
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completely uncontrolled, they will still wreck your perception
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of how your day went. Your perception is one of the
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things that mental illness ruthlessly attacks.
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Let's take depression, for example.
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From a scientific standpoint, depression literally changes the
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way that your brain works. It stops certain
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neurotransmitters from firing, so it stops your brain from
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being able to correctly produce serotonin or or dopamine or
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those feel good chemicals that keep you motivated throughout
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the day, that help you acknowledge that you had a good
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day, that help keep you alive. I mean, this is a ruthless,
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ruthless illness. And it's not the only one.
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Most mental illnesses in some way literally attack the way
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that your brain works. It's it's a very difficult beast
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to deal with. I want to remind you, I'm not a
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therapist. I'm not a psychiatrist.
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I'm not a professional in the mental health field.
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I haven't studied this for decades.
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That's not who I am. I'm not going to sit here and
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force all of this medical information down your throat.
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But I can tell you, as someone who has experienced depression,
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it can feel out of control. And often it is.
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Now, I don't want that to come across as me saying that you
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have absolutely no control over the mental health difficulties
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that you deal with. I don't want you to think of it
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like that. I don't want you to say, well, I
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have no control, so I might as well make no effort.
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But I do want you to have patience with yourself and be
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gentle with yourself in this process of finding things to
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live for because it is so difficult.
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So what do we do? How do we look for the bright
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side and how do we find things to live for?
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This poem that I wrote makes it seem really simplistic.
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You know, in the poem I say, oh, it feels like everything is
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wrong. My hands are shaky.
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I don't feel like I fit in. And then I watch a sunset and
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what do you know? Everything's OK.
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And then, you know, I I think of all these things to live for and
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it doesn't seem super realistic. I know for for a long time I did
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not have a mindset like that at all.
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I figured, well, I have this mental illness struggle and
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that's just how it's going to be.
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And I I simply couldn't see the good in everything.
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But it really can be that simple.
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I don't want to oversimplify mental illness.
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It's not a simple issue to deal with, but incorporating small
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habits, incorporating small positivity into your day, can
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make all of the difference. You're not going to be able to
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heal by making leaps and bounds immediately.
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You have to aim small, and you have to look for little things
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to live for every single day. Even if your brain doesn't
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completely accept it. Even if you can't completely
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accept, yeah, this is what I'm living for and these are things
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to live for. And I feel OK now, Even if you
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don't go down that path of thinking, just finding little
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things every day and noting them as a nice thing or a good thing
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or a beautiful part of the human experience, that can make a
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world of difference. And it did for me.
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So what exactly did I do and how exactly have I felt differences
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over the years with my mental health?
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Well, I started really small. I started looking at the sunset
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every evening. I would make myself get out of
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bed. I would make myself get out of
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my room. I would literally force myself
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up for 5 minutes to go outside and watch the sunset.
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And during that time, I would allow myself a quiet moment and
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I would sit with my feelings. I would feel them.
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I would watch that sunset. I would take deep breaths and I
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would feel connected to myself. I would look at that sunset and
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realize, wow, this is something that I want to see every day.
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This is something so grand, so glorious, that maybe it's worth
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it to keep fighting through what I'm dealing with.
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And that's all that it started with.
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It started with a couple of minutes every day that I would
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set aside for myself and I would make an active effort in order
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to look for something. And then it just grew from
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there, as the poem states, the smell of autumn and new
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beginning. You know, when the seasons
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changed. I would appreciate that.
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I would find that as something to live for.
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The fact that the seasons change mean that I can change too, and
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so can you. Then I looked at little things
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throughout my day. I looked at situations like
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people yelling their hearts out in the car or people dancing in
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their cars at red lights. What a beautiful thing, that
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little piece of joy. I can feel that joy too.
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The ability to sit, feel my heartbeat and breathe, That is
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something that we can all do. Taking moments for ourselves.
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The first hug after seeing someone you've missed, The
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anxious anticipation, the night before a big adventure.
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These are all things that you can experience.
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And when we're dealing with mental illness, our mental
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health tries to tell us that these things don't mean
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anything, that they have no meaning.
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Mental illness tries to numb you out to the world, and in order
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to counter that, you have to force yourself to appreciate the
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little things. It doesn't feel natural, because
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it isn't. It's not normal to have to force
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yourself to feel these things, but it's necessary.
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You're going to have to do it. So you're going to have to force
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yourself to literally think, I appreciate this moment.
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You're going to have to force yourself to think, wow, this is
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a beautiful thing. You're going to have to force
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yourself to appreciate a feeling or an emotion or an experience
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or situation. It doesn't feel super normal.
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It feels weird. But these are the things that we
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have to do in order to fight the battle that is mental illness,
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in order to find things to live for.
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And this is going to look different for you.
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You live a different life than I do.
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I can't sit here and make a list of things that I recommend you
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look for. I can't make a list of things
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that are a reason to live for. But I can encourage you.
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Open your eyes. Look around you.
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Try to get out of the normal routine that you go through
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every single day and make time to appreciate the little things.
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I guarantee you will find them. Embrace your childlike wonder.
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Embrace that curiosity and interest and joy that you used
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to have. Look for the little things.
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Look for something to live for, and I guarantee it will turn
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into something bigger. Before you know it, it will be a
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habit to look for little things, and your mental health struggles
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will be even more manageable to deal with.
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I know you can do it. I know you can now that you've
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made it this far in that episode, once I finish up, I
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want you to go back to the beginning and listen to that
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poem again, and then go out into the world and find things to
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live for. I know it sounds cheesy.
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I know it sounds cliche, but this literally changed and saved
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my life. And I think that it can help you
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as well. Keep your eyes open, keep
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looking. There is always something to
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live for. There's something to live for in
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the grass that grows in the sun's that set in, the smiles
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that spread, in the laughter that grows.
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And within yourself you just have to look for.
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That's gonna wrap it up for today's episode.
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If you need help feeling your feelings, check out my music on
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all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell.
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In fact, the poem that I read at the beginning of this episode,
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that's a poem that's out everywhere.
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It's called Something to Live For by Ethan Jewell.
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Also, please shoot me a message on my Instagram at Jewell Boy
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with an I under score. And let me know what you thought
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about today's episode. So thank you so much for being
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here. Thank you for understanding that
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there is always something to live for.
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And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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I'll see you next time.