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319. The Choice You Can’t See Yet: Space of Variations · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie (2): What if the answer you're looking for isn't one of the choices you can currently see?
• 0:06
  Kathie (2): Think about that for a second.
• 0:07
  Kathie (2): Because when we're under pressure, we have a tendency to do something very strange.
• 0:12
  Kathie (2): We narrow the field.
• 0:14
  Kathie (2): We tell ourselves,"I can do this," or,"I can do that.
• 0:17
  Kathie (2): I can stay," or,"I can leave.
• 0:19
  Kathie (2): I can say something," or,"I can keep my mouth shut.
• 0:22
  Kathie (2): I can fix it," or,"I can walk away." And pretty soon we're staring at two doors, maybe three, trying desperately to figure out which one is right.
• 0:33
  Kathie (2): But what if there's another door?
• 0:35
  Kathie (2): What if there's an option you can literally cannot see yet because you're too busy trying to choose?
• 0:43
  Kathie (2): That's what we're talking about today.
• 0:47
  Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast.
• 0:49
  Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen.
• 0:51
  Kathie (2): I am a consultant, author, and speaker, and I study human patterns under pressure.
• 0:57
  Kathie (2): I work with people and organizations during moments when things aren't quite as clear as we'd like them to be.
• 1:04
  Kathie (2): Leadership, relationships, business, transitions, uncertainty.
• 1:09
  Kathie (2): Those moments fascinate me because pressure reveals patterns, and once we can see the pattern, something very important happens.
• 1:18
  Kathie (2): We have a choice.
• 1:20
  Kathie (2): I've spent years studying psychology, human behavior, emotional regulation, leadership, and the patterns people fall into when pressure enters the room.
• 1:32
  Kathie (2): I also extensively study the principles of Reality Transurfing from the books by Vadim Zeland, and there's one concept from Reality Transurfing that fits beautifully with what I've been talking about lately.
• 1:45
  Kathie (2): It's called the space of variations.
• 1:48
  Kathie (2): Now, I'm not gonna turn this into a Reality Transurfing lecture because I want to show you how incredibly practical this idea can be, especially when you're under pressure.
• 2:01
  Kathie (2): Imagine you're standing in a room.
• 2:03
  Kathie (2): There are 10 doors around you, but then something happens.
• 2:08
  Kathie (2): You get the text, you lose the client, someone gets angry, the deal changes, your boss calls you into the office, someone you love pulls away.
• 2:17
  Kathie (2): Something doesn't happen when you expected it to happen.
• 2:21
  Kathie (2): Pressure enters the room, and suddenly you don't see 10 doors anymore.
• 2:27
  Kathie (2): You see two.
• 2:28
  Kathie (2): Fight or leave.
• 2:30
  Kathie (2): Fix it or lose it.
• 2:32
  Kathie (2): Say something or stay quiet.
• 2:34
  Kathie (2): Control it or let everything fall apart.
• 2:37
  Kathie (2): This is where our human patterns under pressure become so important because we're not necessarily seeing reality clearly anymore.
• 2:46
  Kathie (2): We're seeing reality through the pattern.
• 2:50
  Kathie (2): The person moves towards control sees something to control.
• 2:54
  Kathie (2): The person who over-functions sees something to fix.
• 2:57
  Kathie (2): The people-pleaser sees someone they need to make happy.
• 3:01
  Kathie (2): The person who withdraws sees something they need to escape.
• 3:05
  Kathie (2): The perfectionist sees something they need to get exactly right.
• 3:10
  Kathie (2): Same room, different pattern, different reality.
• 3:14
  Kathie (2): And here is the problem.
• 3:17
  Kathie (2): We often make major decisions from inside that narrowed state.
• 3:23
  Kathie (2): If you've listened to my recent episodes, you've heard me talk a lot about the pause.
• 3:29
  Kathie (2): I've talked about uncertainty.
• 3:31
  Kathie (2): I've talked about non-attachment.
• 3:33
  Kathie (2): I've talked about what happens when we stop trying to force what happens next.
• 3:38
  Kathie (2): This is where all of those ideas start coming together, because the pause isn't just about calming down.
• 3:45
  Kathie (2): It's not doing nothing.
• 3:47
  Kathie (2): The pause interrupts the automatic pattern.
• 3:51
  Kathie (2): Something happens.
• 3:52
  Kathie (2): There's the stimulus.
• 3:54
  Kathie (2): Your nervous system reacts.
• 3:56
  Kathie (2): Your old pattern says,"Go, fix this, control this, explain yourself, send the text, make the decision, get the answer, make this uncertainty go away." And instead, you pause.
• 4:12
  Kathie (2): Not forever, just long enough to observe.
• 4:16
  Kathie (2): What's happening?
• 4:17
  Kathie (2): What am I feeling?
• 4:19
  Kathie (2): What story am I telling myself?
• 4:22
  Kathie (2): What do I actually know?
• 4:25
  Kathie (2): What am I assuming?
• 4:28
  Kathie (2): And here's the big one.
• 4:30
  Kathie (2): What am I not seeing because I'm under pressure?
• 4:34
  Kathie (2): That question can change everything, because the moment you can observe the pattern, you are no longer completely inside of it.
• 4:43
  Kathie (2): Awareness creates space, and space creates choice.
• 4:50
  Kathie (2): This is where Vadim Zeland's concept of the space of variations becomes interesting.
• 4:55
  Kathie (2): In Reality Transurfing, Zeland describes a space of variations containing possible versions of events and outcomes.
• 5:04
  Kathie (2): There are many possible paths, many possible outcomes, many possible variations, and I think there's an incredibly useful way to apply that to everyday life.
• 5:16
  Kathie (2): You don't have to know every possible outcome.
• 5:19
  Kathie (2): You don't have to figure out which reality you're going to jump into.
• 5:23
  Kathie (2): You don't have to sit there trying to mentally engineer the universe.
• 5:29
  Kathie (2): That's just another form of control.
• 5:33
  Kathie (2): Instead, consider this.
• 5:35
  Kathie (2): What if there are possibilities available to you that you cannot see from your current emotional position?
• 5:42
  Kathie (2): Now we're getting somewhere, because when I'm attached to one outcome, my field gets very, very small.
• 5:51
  Kathie (2): This must happen.
• 5:52
  Kathie (2): This person must respond.
• 5:54
  Kathie (2): This deal must close.
• 5:55
  Kathie (2): This job must work.
• 5:56
  Kathie (2): This relationship must survive.
• 5:58
  Kathie (2): This plan must succeed.
• 6:00
  Kathie (2): This person must understand me.
• 6:04
  Kathie (2): This is the only way.
• 6:08
  Kathie (2): And suddenly, the space of variations might as well contain a billion possibilities.
• 6:13
  Kathie (2): I can't see them.
• 6:15
  Kathie (2): I'm staring at one.
• 6:18
  Kathie (2): This is why non-attachment matters so much, and I want to be very clear about something I have said before.
• 6:25
  Kathie (2): Non-attachment does not mean you don't want anything.
• 6:29
  Kathie (2): You can have desires.
• 6:30
  Kathie (2): You can have goals.
• 6:31
  Kathie (2): You can want the relationship.
• 6:33
  Kathie (2): You can want the win.
• 6:34
  Kathie (2): You can want the business.
• 6:35
  Kathie (2): You can want the opportunity.
• 6:37
  Kathie (2): You can want the outcome, but the desire doesn't have to become certainty, and certainty doesn't have to become control.
• 6:48
  Kathie (2): I can say,"This is what I prefer," without saying,"This is what must happen." That tiny shift creates space, and once there's space, something else becomes possible.
• 7:01
  Kathie (2): Curiosity.
• 7:03
  Kathie (2): Maybe there's something I haven't considered.
• 7:05
  Kathie (2): Maybe this delay is showing me something.
• 7:08
  Kathie (2): Maybe this person's behavior contains information.
• 7:12
  Kathie (2): Maybe the opportunity I thought I needed isn't actually the opportunity.
• 7:18
  Kathie (2): Maybe I don't have enough information yet.
• 7:21
  Kathie (2): Maybe I don't need to make this decision today.
• 7:24
  Kathie (2): Maybe there is another door.
• 7:30
  Kathie (2): This is also where radical responsibility enters the picture because non-attachment does not mean sitting on the couch waiting for the universe to deliver your life.
• 7:39
  Kathie (2): You still have choices.
• 7:41
  Kathie (2): You still take action.
• 7:42
  Kathie (2): You still have conversations.
• 7:44
  Kathie (2): You still make decisions.
• 7:45
  Kathie (2): You still set boundaries.
• 7:46
  Kathie (2): You still do the work.
• 7:48
  Kathie (2): You simply stop assuming you're responsible for controlling everything around your action.
• 7:55
  Kathie (2): Radical responsibility asks,"What is actually mine here?
• 7:59
  Kathie (2): My behavior?
• 8:00
  Kathie (2): Mine.
• 8:01
  Kathie (2): My words?
• 8:02
  Kathie (2): Mine.
• 8:04
  Kathie (2): My decision?
• 8:05
  Kathie (2): Mine.
• 8:06
  Kathie (2): Someone else's reaction?
• 8:08
  Kathie (2): Not mine.
• 8:10
  Kathie (2): The exact outcome?
• 8:11
  Kathie (2): Not mine.
• 8:12
  Kathie (2): The timing?
• 8:14
  Kathie (2): Often not mine.
• 8:16
  Kathie (2): Every possible variation?
• 8:18
  Kathie (2): Definitely not mine." And when I stop caring what isn't mine, I have more capacity to see what actually is.
• 8:29
  Kathie (2): Then comes courage, and this part matters because sometimes you pause, you observe, you release the outcome, you see another possibility, and then you have to do something uncomfortable.
• 8:42
  Kathie (2): Yeah, that's courage.
• 8:44
  Kathie (2): Maybe the new variation requires you to say no.
• 8:48
  Kathie (2): Maybe it requires you to ask the question.
• 8:52
  Kathie (2): Maybe it requires you to stop chasing.
• 8:55
  Kathie (2): Maybe it requires you to have the conversation you've avoided.
• 8:59
  Kathie (2): Maybe it requires you to admit you don't know.
• 9:03
  Kathie (2): Maybe it requires you to walk through a door without knowing exactly what's on the other side.
• 9:11
  Kathie (2): Courage is not certainty.
• 9:13
  Kathie (2): Actually, courage becomes necessary precisely because certainty is not available.
• 9:21
  Kathie (2): That's why these three principles work together.
• 9:24
  Kathie (2): Non-attachment: I do not have to force one outcome.
• 9:28
  Kathie (2): Radical responsibility: I recognize what's mine belongs to me.
• 9:35
  Kathie (2): Courage: I take the next honest step.
• 9:38
  Kathie (2): And look what just happened.
• 9:42
  Kathie (2): The room got bigger.
• 9:44
  Kathie (2): You know, you may not need the answer yet.
• 9:47
  Kathie (2): This is the part I think we miss.
• 9:50
  Kathie (2): Sometimes we believe awareness is supposed to immediately give us an answer.
• 9:54
  Kathie (2): It does not.
• 9:55
  Kathie (2): Sometimes awareness simply shows us the answer I thought I needed is not the only answer, and that is enough.
• 10:05
  Kathie (2): Because maybe the next step isn't making a decision.
• 10:09
  Kathie (2): Maybe the next step is gathering information.
• 10:12
  Kathie (2): Maybe it's asking a question.
• 10:14
  Kathie (2): Maybe it's sleeping on it.
• 10:15
  Kathie (2): Maybe it's observing what happens next.
• 10:18
  Kathie (2): Maybe it's doing absolutely nothing today.
• 10:22
  Kathie (2): Not because you're avoiding reality, but because reality is still giving you information.
• 10:29
  Kathie (2): There's a huge difference.
• 10:31
  Kathie (2): The pause is not empty.
• 10:33
  Kathie (2): The pause may be where possibilities become visible So this week, I want you to observe something.
• 10:42
  Kathie (2): The next time you feel pressure and your mind gives you two choices, stop.
• 10:47
  Kathie (2): Before you pick a door A or door B, ask yourself,"What pattern am I in right now?" Then,"What do I actually know?" And finally,"What might I not be able to see yet?" Don't force yourself to invent door C.
• 11:05
  Kathie (2): That's important.
• 11:07
  Kathie (2): You don't need to manufacture another answer.
• 11:10
  Kathie (2): Just leave space for one to appear.
• 11:13
  Kathie (2): That's the practice.
• 11:15
  Kathie (2): And if you wanna go deeper into this, I've created a companion article for this episode where I'll explore the space of variations, human patterns under pressure, and how the pause can change what becomes available to us.
• 11:30
  Kathie (2): You'll find that linked in the show notes and description below, and in the first comment on YouTube, because it's easy to find.
• 11:38
  Kathie (2): But before I go, I wanna make another invitation, because maybe while you've been listening to this, you've been thinking about something specific: a leadership problem, a transition, a relationship, your business, a decision you can't quite make sense of.
• 11:57
  Kathie (2): Maybe you're close enough to the situation that you can feel something is happening, but you can't quite see the pattern.
• 12:05
  Kathie (2): This is what I do.
• 12:06
  Kathie (2): I see human patterns under pressure.
• 12:09
  Kathie (2): I help people make sense of what they're seeing so they can recognize what is theirs, see choices they may be missing, and determine what comes next.
• 12:19
  Kathie (2): And my consulting work is not one size fits all.
• 12:23
  Kathie (2): I don't assume I know what you need before I've heard what's happening.
• 12:27
  Kathie (2): We start with a conversation.
• 12:30
  Kathie (2): If there's something you're navigating and you'd like another set of eyes on it, I've included a link to my calendar.
• 12:37
  Kathie (2): Start a conversation with me, and we'll start looking at what's happening.
• 12:42
  Kathie (2): We'll see what we see, and we'll determine whether there's a way I can help.
• 12:47
  Kathie (2): No cathedral required.
• 12:50
  Kathie (2): Sometimes we just need to notice there was another door in the room all along.
• 12:55
  Kathie (2): I'll see you on the next episode of the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast.