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Forgiveness: Part 2: Teaching Your Older Child About Forgiveness · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to be talking about forgiveness part two, helping your older child learn to forgive others.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Last week we talked about some ways to help your younger child understand forgiveness.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: This week I want to continue with the same topic, but focus more on an older child, perhaps late elementary into middle school.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Children this age encounter all kinds of situations at school, in sports, in extracurricular activities, and online with social media that can hurt them and lead to emotional, mental, and spiritual issues.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: In some severe cases, they may need to see a professional who can help them deal with these issues.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: But as a parent, we can begin early to help them understand that forgiveness can help them deal with these hurts and offenses that they are sure to encounter.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't listened to an earlier podcast I did on helping our children develop a biblical worldview, I suggest that you go back and listen to that podcast because some of that information is very foundational to help your child build a positive, godly self-image.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that will go a long way in helping them stand against all the negative feedback they receive in their life.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about how to help your child understand what forgiveness is and what it is not.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So first of all, what forgiveness is not.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness does not mean they won't feel hurt or sad anymore.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: They won't feel all warm and fuzzy after they forgive.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is not excusing what the other person did to them.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness means they won't just forget what was done to them.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And forgiveness means they don't have to pretend it didn't hurt them or it happened.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: It also doesn't mean they have to be friends with the other person.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: What forgiveness is accepting that the other person hurt them and yet choosing to forgive them.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Realizing that what the other person says about them, for example, in the case of bullying, is not the truth.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: They need to have a strong self-image based on what God says about them.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it's important to help them build that during their early childhood years.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that forgiveness is, is choosing to keep no record of the person's wrong.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's choosing not to keep thinking and rehearsing what happened over and over again in their mind.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can encourage them that every time that memory comes up, they can ask God to help them stop thinking about it.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, they can pray for that person.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's the hardest thing, but the best thing to do.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's also refusing to try to get back at that person who hurt them or punish them in some way.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's also not telling everyone what they did or spreading rumors about them.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is necessary that they tell an adult if what the other person did was bullying, whether if it was illegal or harmful to them or someone else.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiving themselves for any part they may have played in the offense is also necessary.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: They may need to confess to the other person and ask for their forgiveness.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then confessing it to God and receiving his forgiveness.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: They need to realize that forgiveness is not easy, but that God can help them if they keep praying about it and praying for the other person.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We also need to tell them that forgiveness is not something we can do in our own strength.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Only God can help us.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Also, although we choose to forgive on a specific date and a time, it may take a while to work through the feelings and emotions.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: A couple of practical ways that might help your child with forgiveness is to perhaps encourage them to journal, maybe record what happened, and then write some scriptures about forgiveness, and perhaps even write their prayer of forgiveness and their daily progress in forgiving.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Another way would be perhaps writing the offense on a piece of paper, and after they have prayed and asked God to help forgive them, burn the paper, but of course with your supervision.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: We also need to remind our children that unforgiveness does have consequences.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: First, it can make them a bitter and angry person, it will affect their relationship with God, so they can't hear Him speak or hear them guide them.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Also, because they are disobeying God's commandment to forgive others, they'll lose their peace and joy.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And they might even feel lost and have no direction in life.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they can they will become afraid to trust other people and can't develop healthy relationships.