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10. BE THE INVITE with Sweetpea Lifestyle · Besties In Your Back Pocket

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_05: Welcome to Besties in your back pocket.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_05: This is Angela, and you're an electronic informative community.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_05: And take it away.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_04: If you ever felt like you were playing small, shrinking yourself, or just going through the motions, waiting for your real life to begin, you just have to go.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the show.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_04: Where we don't go surface level, we go conversations that make you laugh, cry, think a little, and maybe make one tiny brave decision that changes everything.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm Amy, I'm Angela.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna back pocket.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_04: Always honest, always in your corner, and always ready to help you unlock that version that creates more.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_04: But here's what we know when you learn to express yourself authentically, fully, joyfully, confidently, everything else starts to shift.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_04: We're really glad that you're freaking here.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_04: You ready, baby?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_04: Lego.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_04: Anyone need a water top off?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_04: I got I got a little something here.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's so nice.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's moonshine.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Just kidding.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I love moonshine.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_04: We're in ready here, people.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_04: We're not drunk, we're just joyful.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: Speak for yourself.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Just pretends.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: It's fine.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, everyone ready to go?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, everyone.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the show.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_04: Besties in your back pocket.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_04: Today we've got Ashley here.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_04: She's incredible.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_04: I met her at the TEDx Asheville event, and her message was all about how dinner parties can change the world.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_04: And it's literally just been pretty much living in my head, rent-free.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so obviously, I had to reach out to this incredible human to sit down and dig in their beautiful mind about this.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm glad to have you here.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_04: So nice.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you for having me.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm so excited to get to know you more.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_05: I've seen her TEDx talk, so I'm already very impressed.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but once she came into the house, she was like, I might just go through every drawer.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, literally immediately.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I love this.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so I'd love to start with this like origin story, or like, how do you come into point A to point B being, oh, dinner parties can change the world?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_04: Because that's like really like Amy coded lingo of yes, this seemingly simple thing is actually human transformational.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: It kind of is though.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's how everything is in life.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually really simple if you let it be.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I have run Sweet P Lifestyle, my blog, for 18 years, and 18 years ago, I had come home from school and I realized that gathering around the table and being face to face with people was more filling than holding away and being depressed.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So flash forward 18 years later, and we are all face down in our own devices all the time and thinking we're in community because we're commenting back and forth like that.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's enough, right?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely not.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I I'm a big hoster.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I love to host.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized that those little tiny dinner parties that I've been hosting are actually changing the world one person at a time.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt really bold and I was like, you know what?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I want to give a TED talk.
• 3:33
  unknown: Yes!
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Am I missing something?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: It just seems like you're like, Yeah.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rottered in my morning pages.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: This is like months before the uh applications even opened.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Wrote, you know, I want to give a TED talk, blah blah blah, fantastic.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Shut my book, let it go, and then July was like, no, I really do want to do this, and I'm just gonna go ahead and write it and start working on it.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: So even if I don't get it, I have a platform that I can still, you know, give my own version of Sweep Beetalk.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Sweepy Talk.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, that's I guess that's the short of it.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_04: So basically, long story short, got depressed.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, got all in the let's try and connect behind a screen.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: Sure.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: This isn't working, and then you rediscovered.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: Let's bring people back together.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they'd been hosting for years and years, but it was larger groups of people.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because they have like 12, 15, up to 30 people.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like a lot.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: School is a lot to host for.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that was not uncommon.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: That was like a normal thing for me.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: I come from a very hosty family.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Every year we have this Christmas party that we invite a hundred of our closest friends and family.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like hosting a wedding.
• 4:49
  unknown: Exactly.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so it's not uncommon to me.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: But what I realized when I moved into my little apartment was I could only seat six tightly.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Really five comfortably, four is really roomy.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I realized that I liked those more intimate dinners better because there was one conversation happening.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of all these various conversations where I was sitting there kind of pulled back, like listening to make sure everything was going okay, and like that host apron was really worn.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of got tired of it.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so I realized in my small dinner parties at my home that I liked it much better, and that those are more transformational than the big parties.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: The big parties are fun every now and then, fantastic, but in the grand scheme of life, I want what we're doing right here.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: One conversation.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: One conversation.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where it was kind of like, wait, I see all these people online sharing about their big dinner parties, and they're amazing.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of thoughts about them if you really want them.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I want them.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, half the people on the internet are doing because they're getting paid to do it by these brands.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: And like they're sharing all this stuff.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, buy all these things, and you two will have the most amazing party.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: And no one needs to be adding to the capitalism consumerism world.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you have all you need at your own home with whatever you have.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that's where I come in, like, just shop your home, invite one other person over, and that's all you need.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: You need to have this big elaborate thing going because Instagram told you to.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_05: It's alright.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_05: It's so true.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's alright.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's alright.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I see the sweet pea vibe coming up.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Sweet peas, gosh, you can't.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's so true, because I feel like sometimes we can get this perfectionist mindset in me.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_04: Like, it has to look like I see all the otherwise I can't do it at all.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_04: And how embarrassing it might be.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I think I remember how stressed because I also host.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember how stressed I used to be about thinking that my house had to be perfect.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: Every time someone walked through the door.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_04: Every drawer needs to be organized.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because I'm looking.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: And it made me like inviting people over less because it meant, oh, I'm gonna spend the hour beforehand just like running around like a madman and like trying to like pretend like nobody lives here.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know if you've seen um, there's this YouTube video of like moms before company comes up.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, I want to see Shaw on every door knob, I don't want it to look like everyone lives here.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: Those pillows gotta be fluffed.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: So military.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_04: So accurate though.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_04: Of like, oh my god, that used to be what my head sounded like.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, oh, I come on in.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_04: Who cares?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So in my talk, we talk about how your baseboards don't need to be clean, you know, your junk drawer doesn't need to be organized.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: But that's because it stems from my own mother, and I used to joke with her.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I still joke with her because it happened at our Christmas party last year.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: She gets fixated on one little thing, and it used to be our junk drawer in the kitchen.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like she would spend all day cleaning out this junk drawer.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Love you, mom.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we love you, moms.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we do.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was running around doing everything else because I'm really good at compartmentalizing and getting action done, blah blah blah.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: But she was focused on the drawer, and I can remember looking at her and being like, the party's not in the drawer.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Stop the party is not in the drawer.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: So this past year, when she cleaned out the nook in her kitchen where the trash goes, and there's a little hallway back there.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: She spent all day doing that.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I made sure everybody that walked and said, go see mom's nook.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, Stop sending people back there.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, I know we're having fun, but let's talk depression.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: Bring us up.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: Angela brings us down.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: We got brought up, and we kept going, but I'm like, that there is some gold nuggets right there.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_05: Um, my first question, even before learning like what that means or what it looks like for you personally, is okay, so you're saying there was a time with depression and that the sweet pea movement and having people over for dinner seems to be that aftermath, right?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_05: Is it the community connection?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_05: Is it the food being made with love?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_05: What's that secret sauce recipe?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of all of that, and it goes back to my mother.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I came home from school.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: I called her um and said, I'm coming home, you know, dropped out of school.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I hadn't said I dropped out of school, but I just said I was coming home.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Cool, can't wait to see you.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then she was like, It's a Tuesday, what are you doing?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Well, I dropped down.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, Okay, cool, fantastic, great.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: That was her reaction.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she just kind of let me.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: She knew something was wrong.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, she knew, but I couldn't get it out yet.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: So um, I couldn't get out of bed, and she started peeking into my room each morning and just checking on me, but then she started asking me to make dinner for us for our family.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: My younger brother was still a senior in high school, and so both my parents worked, John was at school, and so she said, Ash, can you make dinner for us?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I love to cook, like I love it, but that would get me out of bed and doing something for somebody else instead of just wallowing in my own head.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that little act got bigger in saying, Hey, we're gonna have so-and-so over tomorrow night.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: Would you mind, you know, setting the dining room table and making the food?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I can do that, and so then it just kind of kept moving, and people would ask, you know, like, how did you do this?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: How did you make this?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: How did you blah blah blah?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I quietly started sweetpeelifestyle.com without telling people that it was anything, because this is in 2008 when Instagram wasn't a thing, Pinterest wasn't a thing, like it was Facebook and Blogger, yeah, and MySpace, right?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that's what I did.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't really tell anyone, and when people would ask, like, hey, how did you make this?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: I would like quietly send them the link, and they didn't even know it was like that I that I had written it, and they're like, Oh, this is so cool, thanks.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, So that's how you know.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think also in depression, we get so um inward focused, and there's nothing wrong with that, but when you choose to look forward and outward and choose someone else to put your energy into, that person feeds their energy back into you, and it just helps get you out of that pit.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, totally.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, especially if it's doing something that you love.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, I love cooking, yeah, I can tell you love people and gathering, yes, and to be like, oh, I can focus my energy on that, and it's just yeah, it's magic.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I love that.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you for sharing that.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, happy too.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_05: Not everyone brings it up, so I appreciate you.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I had not brought it up in all these 18 years, and then I was telling a friend, I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna stand on this big stage and talk about the real reason why I started Sweet Pea Lifestone.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, Yeah, why did you start that?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, it's kind of a bummer.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: She was like, I did not know this, and I was like, Yeah, don't really tell anybody.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's not my highlight story.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_04: No, and she was like, Well, you're really doing it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, well.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's so I feel like most people start their journey in stories.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like, if you go back, it's like, oh, it was like intense pain or suffering.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone at some point in their life has been sad.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, I know.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: They promised me otherwise.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: No, you're so right.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_04: So we didn't talk about it.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I've been there, she's been there.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_04: We've all been in that.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_04: Like, it's hard to get out of bed and like feel like the live is hard.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, uh, I'm just gonna throw out your story real quick if that's cool.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_03: That's on the Joy Camp website.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: Don't you worry.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, don't you worry.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_05: But um, I mean, literally, when you're talking about not wanting to get out of bed, like I love her story because it shows her throwing her mattress out the door because my bed away because I was rotting it.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and I was like, Yeah, I don't know how else to get out of bed other than to remove the bed, and it's not comfy to lay on the floor for very long.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yeah.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_04: Genuinely just chucked it in a dumpster.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, threw the TV away, said, okay.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, right.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna figure out something else to focus later on.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_05: What was the tipping point?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_05: Because hers was like her mom strategically inviting her into it, and what was yours to be like, fuck the bed.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was just like laying there for hours and hours and hours past the sleeping point and saying, oh god, I'm just rotting my life away.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_04: But there's always been this internal, like the whole time I was very anxious and depressed, I was very high functioning, yeah, and had so much shame that I was like, how can I use whatever energy I have to muster to make everyone else think I'm still okay?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_04: I did pretty damn good at that.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_04: So I think that that shame there was like, yeah, you have to freaking figure this out, Ian.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you gotta figure out a way out.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_04: And then there's like the lighter part, it's like, oh, there was always this little whisper of hope of it gets so much better that was calling to me, and I said, I don't know how, but I'll find a way.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, I think there was also like that little push.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: I was willing to just throw spaghetti at the wall and try anything, you know.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_04: It's like you're miserable enough.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_04: You're like, all right, I'm either gonna rot away the rest of my life and potential or figure out a new solution.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_05: So yours, it sounds like what your moment aba was like faith.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_05: Like it was that voice of like, there's a lighthouse.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, faith and being sick of suffering.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_04: And some rock bottom reach like that rock bottom, that point of like leverage enough of this is enough.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I can't keep suffering like this.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_05: Isn't it funny how like anticlimatic some rock bottoms can be?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, right.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yours was like, well, I'll just keep doing it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_05: I'm over this.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_04: I've been stuffing long enough.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like, ah, here we go.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_04: Turn that page and then all life changed.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_04: I wish it was like you know that I woke up, but I was like, flash bobs all around me.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_04: Let's dance on the streets.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, no, it's like like let's stretch this out for another eight years to that transformation, you know.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_04: It's funny how that happens.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I am thinking about this like loneliness epidemic in the world.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: And a huge part of your work and your message and your mission is bringing people together.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: And it's a lost skill, it's a lost art.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_04: We've forgotten how to just like knock on someone's door and say hey, or just call someone just because, or say, hey, like come over for dinner on a Tuesday night, whatever.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't have to be a like whole big like pfft.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: What do you feel like you is like a message to say to these people that for whatever reason, like what first off, I'm curious why you think people are so stuck in that of like uh I'm everyone is waiting.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, everyone is waiting.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: Just unlocked a beat.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, I didn't shoot.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: Do you hear that golem of waiting?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_03: Scary.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: We are!
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_05: We really are.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone is waiting.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh you have to make the choice to be the invite.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, isn't it the title of the freaking vlog?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_05: Like P.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god, thank you.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_05: We spent about two hours left.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so everyone is waiting.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, everyone's waiting.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: And you have to muster up the gunction to say, Amy, let's go try Majestic.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's the new restaurant, Merriman.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's all you have to do.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's all you have to do.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: You also Alright, I'm saying this.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Say it.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: The other component of loneliness is we have lost the art of conversation.
• 17:15
  unknown: Yeah.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like people don't know how to converse anymore.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it feels often that you're asking the questions, and I would just say, keep asking the questions, because you just have to move to the next person to keep conversing with to get that reciprocity.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: But everyone can work on their conversational skills.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, absolutely.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_05: Well, absolutely.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_05: Half the battle, uh, you would think this doesn't even have to do with conversing, but it's to listen.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: People love to talk about themselves.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they so do.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_04: And just to like lead with curiosity.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_04: Also, Amy origin story.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_04: Used to have horrible social anxiety, zero conversation skills.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_04: Zero ability to talk to anybody other than like four people in my life.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_04: Now I'm hosting a podcast.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_04: Here should be changed as possible.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_04: And you can invite people over for dinner.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_04: What's your excuse?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_04: Just kidding.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: I got sad.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_04: Here rambong just today, guys.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_04: Angela's been hanging out with me for the past week, and I'm like, oh, she's still unleashing my spikes.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_04: My actual sweetness is like, oh, spikes.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_05: Well, basically, we said that, you know, Amy has the nickname of Joy, and that that's too pure for me.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_05: That I'm like, hi-in.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_05: We have the same humor where it's like.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's fantastic.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I mean, I remember I used to literally have in my phone like a list of questions to ask people.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I do.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because even though I can converse really well, there are some times where you get to a conversation and you're like, this is either I'm I need to make an em up an emergency so I can leave.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: Or I need to ask a better question.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_05: Or guys, help your adoption, you can just say I feel complete with this conversation.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_05: That's true.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_05: She's like a lile emergency.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: Alright.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_05: Just kidding, just kidding.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_03: We are the Southern Bells who we cannot do that.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: Innately.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: You're so right.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's like old change.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Just like can't.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Physically.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: I could not.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be like, oh, okay, this is great.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Have you not seen that episode of Friends where he's like, yes.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: He goes out with the same woman and he's like, well, it's been nice, I'll call you later.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, okay.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he never calls.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so then Monica hears him do it again.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, stop saying that.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, well, it's been nice, I'll call you later.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's okay.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like at some point you do have to cut the conversation off.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, this gives me empathy for my parents because they came from such a different generation and therefore culture that you know boundaries used to be disrespectful.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_05: So when I hear you say that, it helps me understand them more now.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_05: Because they're boundaries are respectful, right, guys?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: They are respectful.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's just the face you gave me.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I was laughing.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: Did you catch that?
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_04: Did you catch that?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_04: Let's get a little zoom in on that editor.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_05: I know it's us, but I love it.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so conversations are healing, purpose, serving outside of yourself so that you're not, you know, stuck in that heavy lethargic depression.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_05: That's what I'm hearing.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_04: I've been stuck on aliveness lately, and it feels like so many people I talk to, we all are doing different things, but seemingly a common thread is wanting people to feel more like, oh, I feel alive.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_04: It's like humanness.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like that's something you're also doing.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_04: How can people make their dinner table feel more alive and let I feel like we've all been at the dinner table that feels not alive?
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: Not so alive.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: The one where you make the emergency is really stiff, and you're like, oh god, how do we get these sticks out of these assholes right now?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: I uh well, your sneaky phone that I don't suggest having at the table, but I also do suggest having at the table.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Hot take, let's hear it.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think everyone feels a little cosier and more free when they have their phone right there.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm not a house who's like hand in your phones, we're done.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't care if it's at the table.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like flip it over so you can't see the notifications.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I also like I've pulled up my phone and been like, hey, you talked about this.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I was looking at this, let's talk more about this.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: And when you lean into whatever they know about, everything lights up.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: For them, maybe not for you, but it could.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: You know, everyone likes to learn.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, totally.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_04: You find those little nuggets.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, look at this nugget.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_04: Let's follow this readiness.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's so true.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_05: And we're all connected, so like there's this quote I like, you know, what's good for me is good for them.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_05: What's good for them is good for me.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_05: That was how you offer that opportunity.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: That's so true.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I realized a question came to my head earlier.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_04: How do people deal with rejection when they send the invite?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_04: And sometimes people say no.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: And that's I think that's also a thing people are scared of.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and that's probably why they the majority of the reason why they don't, because they're scared of rejection, but you say no every day.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: And nothing happens.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's alright.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: So when somebody says no to you, it's not personal, it's just a no.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean it won't be a yes in the future, and you can ask that person that.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm really bold now, and if somebody says no a few times, I will even say, Would you like me to keep asking you?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Is this just a time thing where it's not working out?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, I'm happy to leave this as is.
• 23:08
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: No one has ever said leave it as is.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: They're always like, no, keep asking me.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's cool.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_04: Because everybody's busy.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_04: Honestly, that's a great reminder.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_04: Because I feel like sometimes you do ask someone and like you get a no and you're like, hard to ask again.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, reaction.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_04: Or like it takes a long time to ask again.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_04: How long should I wait till I say yes?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: No, I have this thing where like if I haven't had the person over, I'll say, like, hey, I'm having this dinner party.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: There's, you know, would you like to come?
• 23:39
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if it works for them, sometimes they say yes.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: If it doesn't, like, it doesn't work.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not on me.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's great.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or about.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And if they actually have a problem with me, then you know what?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, thank you.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: What do it wanna be?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: You're off my list.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_03: Oh.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: Not so sweet people.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Not so the not so sweet.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: The alter ego.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_05: I am so impacted by how you said everyone's just waiting for someone else.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_05: And I think one of my biggest points of not being in rock bottom was when one of my coaches was like, no one's gonna save you.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: That is well, just like you throwing your bed out the window, like no one's coming over to do that for you.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: If we did that, you'd be like, I'm all right, I'm going down deeper.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're going down deeper, folks.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm out.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like you have to make that choice to save yourself.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: No one's coming to save yourself.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_05: I know it's so rude.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because if they did, uh they save it.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of great.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, a red flag.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, right.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_05: It's relieving.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_04: It's empowering too.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's not easy.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's certainly uncomfortable.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's disappointing a little.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: And all of those things ring true for being the invite.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's uncomfortable.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's not easy.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like it's inconvenient.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: But if we're all gonna show up and be villagers, you have to be inconvenient and uncomfortable at some point in your life.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_04: We have to like act as if the person, like, okay, I want to live in a village and a community.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_04: If I keep acting as this, you know, one unit.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_04: One unit.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_04: No one no one's coming.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_04: No one's coming.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_04: I gotta act as if I live in the village I want to live in.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_04: And be like, oh, I'll be the warm person and invite people over and yeah.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_04: And it can be so easy.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like I have a weekly potluck I've been doing for gosh, a year and a half now.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_04: And it's literally, I mean, like, I cook a thing.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone cooks one thing.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_04: Like, people can come early if they want to cook at my house, even.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: And like, I'm like, you know, we can make it like a social thing.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_04: You don't have to like.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_04: And it's so easy peasy.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: We just show up, we like laugh, we have conversations.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's often different people.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_04: It's the best, easiest no-brainer Friday night thing.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_04: You're just saying, okay, I have some ingredients and I show up to Amy's house.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_04: And then I eat food and I laugh with people.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_04: That's just been so good.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_04: We've had made so many friends that way.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_04: And it's that's amazing.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_04: But I'd say it definitely like required courage.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_04: Like, oh, okay, like I would ask, does it require courage every every time?
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_04: No, not every time, but I'd say like it's cyclically, like, you know, it'll be like, oh, there's a season where it's the same group of people and it's really easy, and then all of a sudden people are like, oh, we're busy, or whatever happens, and then you have to reach out to new people.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, now there's more courage.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_04: And oh, like who are these new people?
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_04: Like, what's it gonna be like?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_04: These people here, and it's always it's always like great and something new.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_04: And also, I do it with my roommates.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_04: I was like being in it together makes it so much easier.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not gonna lie.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like having a friend in it.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like, oh, yep.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: We're in this together.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_04: Love it.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_05: Because you can feed off with QA high school musical.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: We're all in this together.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, thanks for cueing that.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't know where it was going.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: I love watching you guys.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, really, we've been practicing this moment.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: A bunch of people like come in on screen and like do the same as dance.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's my dream.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_04: To have that kind of budget to do stuff like that in my life.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_04: Let's manifest that.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: Wow!
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: You just wanted out of the universe.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_04: I'm ready to do it.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like bringing the dancers.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_04: Someone heard that was like, I've done made a bad gene.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: If you have the inspiration in the budget, hit me up.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_04: I got some ideas.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's hilarious.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_04: Thinking about the jeans pant pocket again.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_04: So it's bestie's in your back pocket.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I thought of yesterday.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's been living in my head constantly.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_04: I want Levi's to sponsor us or someone to get a giant pair of pants where both of us fit in the back pocket.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_04: I just think that could be fun shenanigans integrate great opportunities that could come out of that.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_04: I think so.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_04: Oh I think you should just make those pants.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_04: Huh.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_04: It's a big pair of pants.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_04: I've thought about it.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_04: I want them to be real because people keep saying, AI, Photoshop.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_04: No, absolutely not.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-mm.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_04: So the goodwill.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_04: Art store or something.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, a bunch of pants.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_04: That's a lot of pants.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's a lot of pants to be purchased out in the world.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_04: And the pants and I need to re-remember how to use a sewing machine.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_04: Love it, dude.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_05: I'm so proud of you.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: Megan moves here, folks.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Make it moves here.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, speaking of big dreams, so you're like dinner parties can change the world.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_04: What is like your big vision of that?
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_04: Like sky's the limit.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_04: How do you see it?
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_04: What's the the utopia world of in which dinner parties like take us through the ripples?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the ripple is expanding my Substack Sweet Peace Supper Club that every month, the first of the month, I send out a new dinner club kit with conversation starters.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I've done this for years, but they were always different.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: And my vision has been I want a collective group of people discussing the same three conversation starters each month, and just this collective group of people having the same menu and cultivating kind of the same time together and just seeing what happens to that.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_05: That's so sweet.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_05: Wait, but for some reason my brain's not clicking there.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_05: Are you saying like there's these people that lead that same movement?
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's um subscribers to Sweet Peace Separate Club, and they host their own dinner parties.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: And you say mail them a thing.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mail them, it's in their email.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: I would like it to I've just like snail mail clubs.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: I could see you.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I haven't been like, oh my gosh, that's so cool.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: What's snail mail?
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: So snail mail clubs are these people who put together all kinds of things that they mail to your mailbox through the USPS.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: Where's this going?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it can be anything.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like a friend of mine, she has one that she every month she gets um this short story that somebody has written, and then a piece of art that they have made that goes with the short story.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's um this one creator who does a baking one, and so every it's this whole little like it looks like a mini newspaper, and in it there's a recipe that you know sends to you.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's this beautiful recipe card that you keep.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's all analog things, like there's nothing digital about it.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of love that.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's like big romanticize your life energy.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, which is like a last a little bit.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I am doing that, but you it's digital.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's still super cool.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: It's great.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_05: If you are not watching the video when she said it's digital, her shoulders drop.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_03: I know, I think.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_01: I should be really proud of it.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: I am proud of it, but lately I've been like, I I want people off their screens and sending it via mail would definitely get them off their screens.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it'd be sweet.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe like something to grow into, yeah.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Someday I'll have the capacity to do.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I could see you doing the cutest, most aesthetic snail mail box that is just like a little like somebody opened.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: Just happy mail every month.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, happy mail.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: I like happy mail.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_05: I have like a branding question.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_05: Why do you think there's such um maybe like a large audience or so many eyes on you on Instagram?
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_05: You know, like a She's like, I what the heck is that?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I have absolutely no idea.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: I am really cool.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you are I don't know.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_05: Cool.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so there wasn't any no, there was one video that went sort of mega, it's not mega viral, like it's only at 500,000 views, but of that I gained like 65,000 followers in one month.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: What was the video?
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's uh the quickest video.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it I put so much effort into my content.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: And this was not effort at all.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a seven-second video of like a dinner party I had done a year and a half previously, and it's very quick cuts.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, some of the comments are like, Can you slow this down?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, Karen, I cannot.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, that's what happened, and it's slowly growing since so what the videos say.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's talking about like if you don't like hosting, don't watch this video.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh that's it! Not brought 65,000.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: No, I don't like it, don't ask me.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: So then it goes on to say, like, I'm Ashley, I'm sweepy, I host, follow along.
• 33:15
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_05: So that's cool, but Wow.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you know, I do have theories around this.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_05: I see things very esoterically.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_05: And I tell my clients that virality equals alignment.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, my one friend who loves cats but never uses social media, she did a cat video, millions of views.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_05: Because I think yeah, I think our brains, when we see a video, we're like, that person was being themselves.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_05: That was like literally their life purpose.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_05: I like that.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_05: And it spreads.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, moment.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_04: It is so funny though, that the things that we like put so little effort into after being like, I'm painstakingly making all these things that I care so much about.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_04: We're like, oh, we love this kind of video.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, exactly.
• 34:03
  unknown: Yes.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_04: More of yourself.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: And now people aren't following because once you follow somebody, they hide it.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because they don't, Instagram doesn't care.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, they're like, oh, you follow them, good for you.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: You can go to your following tab if you want to see it.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: So on your regular, if you don't just look at your following tab, you're gonna see people who you don't follow.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because they want you to see new content.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_06: Totally.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, now my metric is I want more non-followers seeing my content than followers.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really it is a vanity metric, that number.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's just yeah.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because if they're not doing anything for you, then what's the point?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, if you have like all the people following, they're like, yeah, we got those vanity.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're like, oh my gosh, you have so many followers.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, Where are they at though?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm like, they're not doing anything.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm shutting up, like, they're not like my fan club, really.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I have them maybe like holding the torch of sweet peat lifestyle.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_04: Let's make it a like movement.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so then uh thank you by the way for all just your transparency.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_05: So okay, cool.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_05: Instagram, large number, but maybe the quality isn't being like, you know, totally shown.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_05: What would you say you have that biggest like family club thing going on with?
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_05: Email list, your email.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_05: Um give me all the business.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she's always going on like business stuff.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, like the pressure's just matching.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: I get talking about that all day long.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, queen.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: I live my life by the analytics by Google Search Console, by all the things.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so my largest audience is technically Instagram, but it's really my website.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_05: And does the most happen?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_05: Like, do they engage or interact the most there?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_05: They do.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_04: So are you like blogging on your website?
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_04: What's going on?
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: I bet it's like that's people are shocked.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, oh, I bet you make so much money off of Instagram.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, cool, I made three dollars last month.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: Don't brag! No, my my my website is my money maker.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_05: For products or for ad revenue.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_05: What does that even mean?
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: Teach us everything.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: So on my blog I have ads, which I know some people don't like.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like affiliating them or something?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: No, I have no control over the ads.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's dependent on your search history from your IP address.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Gotcha.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone gets different.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: Every single person on your IP address gets varying ads, but they'll get similar because you're on the same IP address.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_01: Gotcha.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you two, when you're apart, would get different ads because you have different IP addresses.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but they are served to you based off of your search history.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you can click on them if you wanted to.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes, like, I'll be on somebody's like it's stuff, like I'm currently controlling anthropology for this specific shirt, and every website I go to, there's a little ad for that shirt.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, shirt.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know I really want this shirt.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: So when you see that and you click on that, then I make like three cents.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: None.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so big money again.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so then how many people on average, like what is the click range?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_05: How's what is that getting you usually?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_05: Do you look monthly?
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I look daily.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, crazy.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: Because that is like that's that's my sole job.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's how I support myself.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I do you have to keep it running and make sure everything's running well and not dipping.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it is kind of odd because all the things happening with the internet and AI in the world, it makes ad revenue really fluctuate.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: It follows the political roller coaster, which is kind of annoying.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so odd.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: I know it is so odd.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: But that's just how it is.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like when more people are online because they're watching a news story or something's going on, ad revenue is up.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: When people are outside and not on their phones, ad revenue is down.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I get anywhere from like a hundred, hundred and fifty thousand uh people a month to my website.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's really great.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so from what I'm hearing with you, it's like if we looked on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, it could be slightly like up and down like the roller coaster.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, mm-hmm.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_05: There's no like prime day, like Saturdays always do better.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: Sundays always do better for me personally because people are making Sunday lunches and dinners.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, mm-hmm.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it's dependent on me.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's why when people are like, oh, let me have your Instagram strategy, I'm like, you can, but it's not gonna work for you because you are not me.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: I am me.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_05: That was me ten minutes ago.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, but it's true.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: But people think that all the time, and they subscribe to these people who are like, this is what you need to do on Instagram, and this is how you're gonna grow.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you have to find what works for you.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that does mean you need months of data to go back and look at so that I like I know people love the hosting content.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: They love the really easy meals, the really easy recipes that aren't recipes.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: They also like the here's my last minute thoughts on this.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's what they like.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: They don't like like super yapurated kind of thing.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I want to do more yap videos.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: You being a great yapper.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: I know, because those people love those, but I get very in my head about them.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so what do you get in your head about?
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, like why would anyone want to listen to me?
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody wants to listen.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we we already had to do this to her before we started.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_04: You were on a TED talk.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_04: You are incredible, you are like an icon.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_04: Look at your authenticity of beings like rainbows before I do my gap videos.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_03: You're just gonna send me that one camp like you got this.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_03: You are actually, and you can do this.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_03: You were born for this.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_03: The people need to hear your message.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: What's really funny is I'm not like that big of a talker.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the middle child.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I hear that.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: And like, you know, you ask mom, say, like, how's your day?
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's great.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: How's yours?
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: And she gives me like a 10-minute dietary above every single thing.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: Love you, mom.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love you, mom.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't know that.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: But that's just how I am.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I've always been that way.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm fine.
• 40:42
  unknown: Yeah.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's all like you know that I mean I don't have anything else to say.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but yeah.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: So yap videos, I know they're like really big right now.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: They're they're trending.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so now here's my other social strategy hot takes.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, when things like that start trending, they're already on.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do them.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_06: Don't do them.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can yap sometimes, but don't solely become a yapper because somebody said, This is how I'm making my money, this is how I'm growing my account.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that doesn't necessarily mean you are.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you just have to find what you are capable of doing and what back to you, what aligns for you.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_05: So this question almost like devil advocates it, but have you heard of is it called Blue Ocean Red Waters or something?
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-uh.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_05: It's I think that's the name, but essentially it's it's this whole debate around those who say, well, if it's already um a really popular business, don't bother competing, and then others saying the data of it being popular is because it works.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_05: So go for it.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_05: And I love hearing people's different opinions.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: Philosophical debate there, yeah.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I see the ability in that, but like somebody, like let's take Gary Vee, for example, he loves to give who's that I know, right?
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_01: Advice for people to do on the internet.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: He's giving that to millions of people who are then gonna be doing that exact same.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: Holy crap, that's some power.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then you think about that movement.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll give you examples.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, what happened with Google?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_01: What happened with Pinterest?
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: Two years ago, Google started noticing everyone's content looked the same because several people said this is what you need to do for your blog to be successful, so millions of people did that, and they all got penalized for it.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: It was called the helpful content update, and people lost like 85% of their traffic overnight.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_01: Very helpful, very helpful because in the end it wasn't actually helpful for the user experience.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: Same with Pinterest, AI comes about, everyone figures out oh, I can make thousands of pins for Pinterest using AI.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: So all these AI-generated pins fled Pinterest, and they're like, whoa, whoa, wow, we're the cute pin board, absolutely not.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: We want real people, yeah, and so they penalize you, and so all those people lost all their traffic overnight.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: But they millions of people were banking on these people, other people who had said this is what you need to do to be successful.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so when Gary V tells you to do something, like you can kind of do it, sure, but again, make it for you and not for what other people are doing.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, who wants to see all the same stuff?
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, yeah.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's like somebody said recently I saw them scrolling and she was like, What happened to the old food network shows?
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Why is everything a competition?
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, where's my Aina and Jada just telling me how to make things?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and that's the same with Instagram.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like now everything is you know a b-roll with text on it, and you have to sit there and read it.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: Those weren't as popular last year, but now it's all you see.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so then again, it's like, where who's teaching me how to do what?
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: What am I using this for?
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now she'll Kindle.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's so true.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, authenticity that's just like an overarching over every area of your life from like business and ads to like hosting a dinner party to how do I show up in the world and just make friends?
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I will say this, I'll brag on myself.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: I when I started 18 years ago, I started writing for the person who doesn't want to have people over, doesn't know how to cook, and is timid and shy and all those things.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have never veered from that.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like there were a few times where I would make posts that would be aligned with somebody else's strategy, just thinking like, oh, that sounds cool and that's good.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'll do it now.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: But then I was like, oof, that feels so cringy.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so when for me, for the Google content update, nut I nothing happened because I had never veered from that writing style where people are writing for Google, not for Amy.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because when you go on the internet, you want someone to be like, Amy, make this dip.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, wait, who made this?
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, where does this like who made this?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Who's the person?
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: So just be you.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_04: Just be you.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because then when you feel that person that's just being them.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_04: Like if somebody else tried to be Ashley and recreated, be like, life feels something feels off for the view is oh like mom delight.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like you're just like there's a little sweetie of like, oh my god, I just love being around you.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_04: This is incredible.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_04: And everyone has their own flavor of that.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I think we've I don't know, just it's become so much sameness.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so back to the competition.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, there's competition, but if everyone believes that I am me and no one else can be, everyone has something to offer.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they really do.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:53
  unknown: That's like a live dream.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's so easy.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's so easy.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: Do it.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just figure out your gifts and what you have to offer in your purpose.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_02: Still ask ChatGPT.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_05: Holy crap.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so what would be a good um monumental question?
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_05: Like what how do you want people to leave when you host those dinners?
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_05: Because I feel like we could ask something like that too.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: Here too.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_01: I want people to leave my home and have felt cared for, welcomed, safe, and their cup is full.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: And like they can, I mean, I also want to say, like, I want them to leave my home thinking I can do this too.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes! And I'm gonna call up two of my friends and have them over.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't want people leaving and thinking, oh, we need to have Ashley over.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't, it's not a count thing.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like somebody recently was like, man, you've had us over so many times, and I've only had you twice.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, You're like, I wasn't counting.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_01: I know, like, that's cool, but who's counting?
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where's this tally sheet?
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_04: Like, no one cares.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_04: And if they do, yikes.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, what's your secret sauce to helping people feel that like sense of safe, comfort, belonging, all these things?
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um you just being you.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is, it is you being you, but it's also listening, and I am a cancer, so I'm not naturally nurturing and like oh, you want a blanket?
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: Here's a blanket.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_01: There's blankets on every corner of my couch to see that.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're not comfy.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_01: Let me get you a pillow.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
• 47:41
  unknown: Yeah, yeah.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um hospitality.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: It is, yeah.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just greeting people where they are and asking one more question.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_01: One more question.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: Just one more.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: Keep it flowing.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_05: That's like the sweet pea Southern Bell version of like, you know, someone at the gym, like, one more rep.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: Ask one more question.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then you have to do the Southern Bell thing.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it looks like it's about time for me to get going.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, now I guess you gotta let me go.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_03: Make sure to end it like that.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_03: Is that how you end all your dinner parties?
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_03: Well, there's no wash.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_03: What's that right?
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_01: The new sneaky thing.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: I am usually an early-ish to bed girl.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I got these light bulbs that change colors, and then about 9 p.m.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: they go pink, and we're just like, ooh, boudoir AB, here we go.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it is fun, but it does like kind of bring people down.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: Bring people down a little bit and like grounds them, and then you know, like 10:30, they're like, Wow, this has been really great.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, smarty.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_01: This dear friend was my grandmother's best friend.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_01: I call her Nana.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Her name was Betty, and um, she was very early to bed.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if her dinner party was over, she would clear the whole table, go and make a bunch of noise in the kitchen, like you know, we're done.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then at some point she would go and change into her jammies and come back out.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then when that wouldn't work, she'd start turning off the lights, like, well, I'm going to bed.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all help yourself out.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_04: It's so cute.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_04: I've never done that, but like if you're not getting the hint, yeah, I'm fully in my PG.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right?
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_04: Like toothbrush and mouth right now.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_03: It's time for you to go home.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_03: It's time for you to go home.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_03: Get out of here.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_04: I love it.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_04: One last like message tip for anyone who I think there is really something leaning into.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_04: I've never hosted something.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_04: That first like dive into doing it for the first time.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_04: What do you got for those people?
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: I would start with be the invite and then make it really simple and don't cook a thing.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: Assemble what you can and ask people to bring something.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know the phrase like, what can you bring to the table?
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I take that to heart, and I have people bring things because all of a sudden they feel a part of it instead of on the fringe because they didn't make anything, they didn't bring anything.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_01: But they're like, hey, I brought these cookies and I brought them on this plate that belong to my great aunt, and let me tell you about her.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: And like that's how your conversation starts.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_04: Totally.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my gosh.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_04: This has been so delightful having you here.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_04: I love this.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_04: This is so fun.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_04: So nice.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I wish there was like more Ashley's in the world to be like, come to my table and all my cuteness and romanticize life with me.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, come drink out of my teapots and real teapots.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_02: Cute.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_05: You can pick which one you want to use.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_05: Ooh, sweet pea customized teapots.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh my god.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_04: That's like commercialized sweet pea.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_04: That's like the sweep brand on the cute.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: I did sweep pea at Target.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: I did.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: I did write that recently that you know in the future I do want a home line.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: I could so see that for you, honestly.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: I know, right?
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_05: Something to think about with a way that.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_01: Something to think about, but then I get really hung up with like, nope, just find some dead person's treasure.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: I love my dead people things.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_04: I also love my dead people things.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I like it when they talk to me too.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_05: That's it, folks.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_05: I appreciate your humor.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_05: I appreciate all the ways that you're guiding us with clarity on what works for you.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_05: That's so meaningful.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and thanks for just bringing this message of like it's so simple, but it's so freaking important.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_04: This lost art of let's gather and have community and be the brave one.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like it didn't used to be brave, is the funny thing.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like inviting people over, it feels like that was just like what you did.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because we didn't have our handy dandy screen on screen on screen to keep us company.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: So you had to seek other humans out.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_04: There wasn't anything else.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_05: So this video is called Fuck AI.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_04: And just oh my gosh.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: How could our beautiful listeners stay in your world?
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, you can follow me at Sweetpee Lifestyle almost anywhere.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_01: SweetpeeLifestyle.com is my website.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, reach out.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_01: Send me an email.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_01: Send her an email.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_04: I'll be resending every single one.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_04: Send her some happy mail.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_04: You need to get a P.O.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_04: box.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_04: I think it would be really cute.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_04: I can totally see people just like sending you like the cutest little happy female things.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_04: That's really cute.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_04: That would be very amazing.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_04: I would love that.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_04: Like a whole museum of that.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_04: Anyways, all that's gonna be in the show notes.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um and thank you, beautiful listeners.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_04: Let us know about the dinner parties.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_04: I want to see a picture.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_04: I want to hear about it.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_04: Let us know because you're making the world a better place just by having a couple people over for dinner and you know, spreading a little conversation, enjoying community.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_04: And until next time, catch us next time on the pod.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_03: Besties in your back pocket.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks for joining, girl.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_05: Share this with someone that you know could use some inspiration around hosting.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_05: We love you.