Latest / Work-Life Balance with Fexingo: Boundaries, Time Management, and Avoiding Career Overload / The Boundary of a Weekly Not-To-Do List
Transcript
- Lucas: So I want to start today with a simple question. When was the last time you wrote down something you would NOT do this week — and then actually stuck to it? Luna: Oof. That's harder than it sounds. I think I've written plenty of 'to-do' lists, but a 'not to do' list feels almost… rebellious. Lucas: Exactly. And that's what we're digging into today — the boundary of a weekly not to do list. I've been talking to a senior product manager at a mid-size SaaS company, and she told me she cut her weekly meetings by about thirty percent just by maintaining a not to do list. That's six hours back per week. Luna: Six hours. That's basically a full workday. How did she do it? Lucas: She started by identifying the meetings where she was just a passive attendee, the ones where she'd sit there and listen but never speak. She put 'attend status update meetings for other teams' on her not to do list. Then she told her manager she was going to decline those unless there was a specific agenda item for her. Luna: And the manager was okay with that? I feel like that's the part people get stuck on — the pushback. Lucas: She got some pushback at first. But she framed it as a productivity trade-off. She said, 'Look, I can either sit in this meeting for an hour, or I can finish the feature spec that unblocks two engineers.' Hard to argue with that. Luna: Right, because you're giving the manager a clear choice. It's not 'I don't want to go' — it's 'here's what I'll do instead.' Lucas: Exactly. And that's the key to a good not to do list. It's not just a list of things you dislike. It's a list of things that, when you stop doing them, free up time for higher-impact work. Luna: I love that. I've actually been trying something similar myself. I put 'checking email after 7 PM' on my not to do list. And I told my team about it, so they know not to expect a late-night response. Lucas: That's a great example. And sharing the list publicly is actually a crucial step. If it's just in your head or on a sticky note, it's easy to break. But when you say to your team, 'I'm not doing X anymore,' you create a social contract. Luna: It's like a boundary that other people help enforce. I found that after I told my team, they actually started policing themselves — someone would cc me on an email at 8 PM and then immediately send a follow-up saying 'no rush, tomorrow is fine.' Lucas: And that's a win. So let's talk about how to build one of these lists. I think the most effective approach is to look at your calendar from last week and ask: What tasks or meetings made me feel drained without producing much value? Those are candidates for the not to do list. Luna: So it's a reflective exercise, not a speculative one. You're not guessing what you should avoid — you're looking at actual data from your own week. Lucas: Exactly. And then you categorize. There are three buckets I've seen work well. First, 'low-value meetings' — like that status update I mentioned. Second, 'low-value tasks' — things like formatting reports that no one reads, or manually entering data that could be automated. And third, 'time-wasting habits' — like checking Slack every ten minutes. Luna: The Slack one is hard. I've seen people put 'stop checking Slack before 10 AM' on their list, because they want to protect their morning deep work. Lucas: That's a great one. And the key is to pick just three to five items for the week. You don't want a not to do list that's longer than your to-do list. That would be overwhelming. Luna: Yeah, start small. Maybe just one boundary for the first week, and then expand once you've proven to yourself that you can stick to it. Lucas: Right. And here's the thing that really surprised me when I dug into this — the people who are best at maintaining a not to do list are not the ones with the most willpower. They're the ones who've built systems. For example, one executive I know has an automatic email filter that sends any meeting invite without a clear agenda straight to a 'maybe' folder. She only looks at that folder once a week. Luna: That's a system, not a daily battle. I love that. So it's about designing your environment to make the not to do list easier to follow. Lucas: Exactly. And I think that's where the real career boundary lies. It's not about saying no in the moment every single time — it's about setting up defaults so that the low-value stuff never reaches you in the first place. Luna: Speaking of which, I want to come back to something you said earlier about sharing the list publicly. Do you think it's always necessary to tell your manager? Or can it be a private list? Lucas: I think you can start private. But eventually, the things on your not to do list will affect other people. If you stop attending a recurring meeting, people will notice. So at some point, you have to communicate. The question is how. Luna: Right. And I think it helps to frame it as a trade-off for the team's benefit, not just your own. Like, 'If I stop doing X, I can spend more time on Y, which helps all of us.' Lucas: Exactly. And that's the conversation that productive managers actually want to have. They don't want you burning out on low-value work. They want you focused on what moves the needle. Luna: So let's talk about the pitfalls. What's the most common mistake people make when they start a not to do list? Lucas: The biggest one is putting things on the list that are actually part of your core job. I've seen people try to put 'responding to customer emails' on their not to do list, but if that's a key part of their role, it's not going to work. You have to be honest about what you actually can drop. Luna: Yeah, you can't just stop doing your job. So the not to do list should be about the extras, the things that crept in over time. Lucas: Right. And another mistake is not updating the list. Your priorities change, your projects change. The not to do list should be a living document, revisited every week. What was a time-waster last month might be critical this month. Luna: So it's like a weekly ritual. Set aside fifteen minutes on a Sunday or Monday to review and revise. Lucas: Exactly. And that connects to something we've talked about in previous episodes — the idea of a weekly review. The not to do list is a natural companion to that. Luna: I want to circle back to the product manager you mentioned. Did she share any other examples of things on her list? Lucas: She did. One of her favorites was 'stop saying yes to ad hoc requests in the moment.' She started telling people, 'Let me check my priorities and get back to you by end of day.' That delay gave her time to evaluate whether it was really worth doing. Luna: Oh, that's good. It's like a cooling-off period for requests. Because in the moment, it's so easy to say yes just to be helpful. Lucas: Exactly. And she also put 'stop checking notifications during deep work blocks' on her list. She uses a tool that silences all notifications for two hours in the morning. That alone gave her about eight hours of focused work per week. Luna: I think the hardest part for most people is the fear of missing out. What if that one Slack message is urgent? What if the meeting you skip had a critical decision? Lucas: And that's a real concern. But the data usually shows that the vast majority of interruptions are not urgent. And the cost of being constantly interrupted — the loss of deep work — is far higher than the cost of missing the occasional non-urgent update. Luna: So it's a risk calculation. And you can always have a backup plan — like having a colleague text you if something truly urgent comes up. Lucas: Exactly. That's the safety valve. And once people try it for a week, they almost never go back. The freedom is addictive. Luna: Alright, I'm sold. I'm going to write my own weekly not to do list this Sunday. I'm starting with 'no email after 7 PM' and 'no ad hoc yeses.' Lucas: Start with those two and see how it feels. And if you find yourself slipping, don't beat yourself up. Just adjust the list and try again. The goal is progress, not perfection. Luna: And if people push back, I'll remember your advice about framing it as a trade-off. 'I can do this meeting, or I can finish the project. Which do you prefer?' Lucas: That's the right approach. And honestly, the more you practice it, the easier it gets. You start to realize that most people respect a well-communicated boundary. And the ones who don't — well, that's a whole different conversation. Luna: It really is. But for now, I think the not to do list is a powerful, underused tool. And it's free. No app required. Just a piece of paper and some honest reflection. Lucas: Exactly. So here's my challenge to our listeners: before the end of this week, write down three things you will NOT do next week. Put it somewhere visible. And see what happens. Luna: I'm in. And I'll report back on how it goes. Lucas: Good. And as always, if this show has helped you think through a career boundary or a work habit, and you'd like to support the fact that we keep it completely ad-free and listener-supported, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to keep this show going without any sponsor interruptions. We appreciate everyone who chips in. Lucas: Alright, that's all for today. Until next time, keep those boundaries strong.