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S1 E6: Dunch's Do's and Don'ts · Alien Hunters Hotline!

• speaker-0: Etiquette is about respecting the people around you and knowing that they deserve to have a nice time too. For example, try not to eat or drink on the mic because other people might be listening at home or in the car or heck even on the treadmill, and they don't really need to hear some chewing and slurping on the mic. You know, it's it's that kind of stuff. Welcome to Alien Hutters Hotline, a podcast dedicated to all things aliens, but most importantly, finding and killing them. You can call us anytime at our Hotline 419-463-2626. That's 419-463-2626. I'm Bad Mitten Menace and disgraced radio host Roy Dunch. With me as always is field researcher and amateur blacksmith Bleep. How we doin', Bleepy? What's going down? speaker-1: well I spent the week drawing symbols all over my house, to see if they sort of invoked any sort of entity or if they were maybe of an extraterrestrial variety. And all it resulted in was me scaring the shit out of myself every time I woke up because I would just see symbols all over my house and forget that I'd drawn them. so I didn't really learn anything except that I'm pretty scared of symbols, I guess. speaker-0: Well, symbols are very scary, and thank God we have someone on our team that can decode, decrypt, and heck, even describe these kinds of symbols. We have the best man with the best plan. It's our technology expert and culinary genius, Skunk. speaker-2: Hey Roy, hey bleep, good to see you. Frankly, I'm excited to just like have some time away from work right now, and some time with my friends. So if I had to put a full shift in at IHOP this weekend, and it was rough because it was senior Saturday and senior Sunday, so all these seniors kept coming and they were wanting pancake after pancake. speaker-0: I mean with the dentures in that's the best meal you can get. Sopping in syrup and butter, just put that right down the old gummy gullet. speaker-1: Hey, not to be hostile, but Roy, when you were doing our intros, you said that Skunk was the best man. My question is why would you rank us in a public forum like that? speaker-0: bleep, you're not you're not ranked to me. Skunk is literally the best man at Mustard's wedding. That's I was alluding to the fact that you know, like you're not you're both equal in my eyes. I I apologize for the misunderstanding, but I was just referring to the fact that Skunk was a best man. speaker-2: It's an easy mix-up, yeah. Mustard my pet ratcoon is getting married, but yeah, he has made me his best man at his wedding, which I is the honor of my lifetime. So I've spent a lot of time getting ready for that. And I'm I'm frustrated a little bit that I've had to spend so much time at IHOP, but you gotta do what you gotta do. So yeah, sorry that that made you feel like you weren't the best man, Bleep. But if any of us were to get married, which we shouldn't, you would be I'm a best man of one of us, I'm sure. speaker-0: Absolut I me especially, I think, and maybe that's something that happened with your marriages, believe that w I wasn't at the weddings. speaker-1: No, you guys were you guys weren't invited. but that's not because I don't like you. It's 'cause sh all of my ex wives didn't want my friends to witness it. I d and maybe that's a red flag and that's something I guess in the next one I can sort of examine if if there is a next one. But no, and that's my bad. I just I I thought there was some sort of silent ranking that you were doing. And if that's the if that had been the case, Roy, I would have been behaving way differently. I would have been doing shit entirely differently. I would have been like getting you presents and stuff. And so I just s th then I sort of had like a flashback of literally every day of my life since you've been back in Fremont. And I was like, I lived it entirely wrong but I I'm glad that I'm glad that's not the case 'cause I already do that with the rest of my life. So speaker-2: No need to flash back. speaker-0: Please don't flash back and just stay present right here with us. That's that's all it takes to be the best man in my eyes, 'cause I think you're both the best man. If I were ever to, you know, get back with Jessica or meet any lovely ladies in the future, I'd I would love to have one of those weddings where you get two best men and I'm just up there, you know, bleep in a in a tuxedo or a tuxedo shirt, maybe, skunk and a speaker-2: An adult onesie? speaker-0: Yes, an adult one that's exactly the word I was trying to find. And of course, you know, maybe mustard'll come too. He's sort of a r a ring bearer of sorts. And you know, how how do you feel about mustard getting married, Skunk? It's a big day for a raccoon like that and you guys are close. I know we talked about maybe there's some fear that this'll take time away from your movies and the quality time you spend together. speaker-2: Yeah, well w we had a conversation l during the week, so I I feel like that was a fear I had, unfounded. I asked it about it. So I went up to him and I said, Hey, this may sound stupid and tell me if I'm off base here, but I'm a little worried about our friendship and well speaker-0: And you guys did you recorded this for posterity, so why don't we would you mind just playing the clip of that conversation? I think it's important for the listeners to know that we are real people with real emotions and getting a little peek behind the curtain would help them get to know us better, and that might be part of one of our issues. So why don't we just roll a clip so people can show how good skunk is a conflict resolution? speaker-2: Absolutely. And it's everybody knows I record everything so we can just reference it, analyze it, go back to it. So yeah, I'll wear that clip. That you're cheating on me? speaker-1: Nie-ne. speaker-2: No, don't turn away. Don't don't turn away. Don't open Don't go into the fridge. Don't go into the fridge. No, I want to talk to you about something. Don't don't put the yogurt on your body. Don't don't distract me with the yogurt. Don't Mustard. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. speaker-2: You fucking asshole. You freaking you're making fun of me. Don't put on that wig that looks like my hair and then make fun of me and Okay, and now you're walking outside and shutting the door, which is saying that I'll be on the outside of your relationship? speaker-1: Yeah-ne-ne- speaker-2: After everything I've done for you! After everything I've done for you, this is how you cheat me! You cheat me! speaker-0: This is how you be. speaker-2: Okay, now you're starting a fire? And throwing my shirts in it? No! I can't believe you would treat me this way! I can't believe After speaker-0: You would go out with her and I speaker-2: all the movies I made you watch, and after all the food I've given to you, and after I speaker-0: I speaker-2: can't believe you would see me this way! you you were doing all that to just make me a s'more? the fire was for The marshmallow? speaker-1: Me, me, me, my, yeah, yeah, me, speaker-2: my god. And she's allergic to s'mores and if you gave her a s'more, she would die? Meh. Because of the chocolate. my god, Mustard, I'm so stupid. That's crazy. speaker-1: Yeah, you are speaker-0: Yeah and yeah. speaker-2: Okay, yeah, you can take the car out this weekend. speaker-0: So wow. Yeah, okay. Well Skunk, I think that No speaker-1: No no, no, hold on. speaker-2: What what's up? speaker-1: What the f what the fuck? Skunk. speaker-2: What's going on? I think it was we just had a good conversation. I think it's pretty clear You speaker-1: You left that feeling good about yourself? Yeah. Yeah. speaker-0: It seemed quite volatile, buddy. speaker-1: Yeah, that is so uncharacteristic of you. I mean you can't th dude, if you were feeling this like distraught about the situation, you could have talked to one of us first. But y I mean, you just came in swinging on him. speaker-2: well, to be honest, that's just kind of how our communication happens sometimes, so I don't really see anything wrong with it. You speaker-1: It's like that often. speaker-2: know, you can't control your emotions when you when you look, so sometimes you're stressed and it it comes out in ways and but I I'd rather it come out speaker-0: Okay. You really heated up here, buddy. speaker-1: I have not seen you like this. speaker-0: I guess the word is etiquette is what I'm looking for. We live in a world where you can't just be popping off at your best friend all the time. And Skunk, you and Mustard are are, I would say, life partners. For for at least one of your lives for sure. and not in the romantic sense, obviously. There's nothing weird going on there. It's just a platonic life partner, platonic love is just because it's. speaker-2: Like speaker-0: Like Apollo Antonono with that person he was with before. speaker-1: I feel like I feel like Apollo Ono was a solo racer who did speed skating. So who are you talking about? speaker-0: It wasn't? Huh? speaker-1: Yeah, but anyway, Skunk, me and Roy have been meaning talk to you about your etiquette because it has not like we we both sort of notice that you are lacking manners. and when you talk to people you sort of like it goes sideways a lot. And so me and Roy I it's funny, like we I I was gonna bring that up too. and Roy just brought it up first. So yeah, I think, you know, maybe this whole episode can be dedicated just to like Skunk and h how he talks to people. speaker-0: Bleep, it's interesting you say that because something that I am running into and maybe a worry I have about the Alien Hunters Hotline is that the Alien Hunters are Alien Hunters first. And we're a hotline second. That's in the name, that's in the title, but we really need the hotline part to take off. We've been hunting aliens, but we don't have a lot of people calling in, and I'm wondering it if they just don't feel safe calling in, because maybe we're not that personable as a trio. Maybe we're not Beloved by the community. speaker-1: That's and that's on Skunk. speaker-2: I mean I love you guys. I listen to you speaker-0: I love you guys too. speaker-1: And it's skunk's fault is what we were saying. speaker-0: Point one finger at skunk is pointing four fingers back at Blep or three. speaker-1: Not I do it like this. speaker-0: Don't don't do karate ha don't do karate point. Come on man. speaker-2: Karate point, you're doing karate hands. Well done, I'm sure that may be the case, but should we We can check the board. We I'm sure we got some calls. speaker-0: Yeah, let's check the board. Let's check the board and see. speaker-2: Okay, so yeah, so no we didn't okay, so nobody's caught in. speaker-0: Okay, which you know, that's we're still new and this is part of the process, you know, g getting something like this off the ground takes repetition and dedication and it will happen. I do think in the meantime. speaker-1: Shut up, Roy. Let me see the board. speaker-0: See so bleep, this is what put the karate hands down, bleep, because this is what was hap okay. You know when we went bleep, don't karate chop skunk. Everybody boys, hand hands. Hands by your sides. When get to hands speaker-1: In the way of the boy the board. speaker-0: by your sides, I'm gonna count to three hands by your side. Three, thank you very much. Bleep, we went on a dunge brunch yesterday while Skunk was working at IHOP, and I just think some of your behavior at the Peach Brook Country Club was maybe not the most etiquette that a man of your stature should have in public. speaker-1: Like what? speaker-0: Well, I don't think you need to say gimme that when food's walking by and just grab something off of a server's tray. You know, that's someone or someone ordered that food and they deserve to get the food. speaker-1: Then they shouldn't bring it by me. I sorry I have fast hands. Gimme that. speaker-0: Yeah, th that's the thing. You're y you're saying gimme that and you know, you keep saying watch this and yanking the tablecloth out and y you don't have the movement down yet, buddy. You're one of our best fighters. I I know that for sure, but you don't really have the magician's touch, so you're just tearing tablecloths off the tables. People I want to play golf with are at the Peach Brook Country Club there, bleep, and my reputation's important there, and I think when you're a public figure like we are gonna be, reputation is everything, and a good reputation Requires etiquette. You guys are looking at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. Do we know what etiquette is? Do we know do we know what I'm saying here? speaker-1: I'm just fucking confused because I want everyone in the country club to know that I'm like one of the best fighters, I've got fast hands, and you're telling me not to show them that. Then how the fuck are they gonna know that if they don't like im dude, imagine if I had gotten that tablecloth clean off. You're not like the everyone in there would have fucking stood up and applauded. speaker-2: It would have been very cool, don't you? Koda imagine that. And so what if the only silverware on the tablecloth was steak knives and he s sent the stake knives flying everywhere? That's just imagine if he got it clean. That would speaker-1: Imagine if I got it clean and all those steak knives didn't go near that lady. Huh? Yeah, she screamed a little bit, but that's on her. Don't be scared of the knives. They're pr most of them are pretty dull anyway. They're not sharpening their knives every day. speaker-0: That lady's just trying to enjoy her brunch as well. And I think y you feel that the need to tell everybody that you're the best fighter, but maybe just because it's true doesn't mean everyone needs to know that at every given point. You know what I'm saying? speaker-1: Mean I'll hear you out, but I don't like it. speaker-0: I think the alien hunters are so good at everything extraterrestrial. I think speaker-2: Okay, yeah. speaker-0: we are professional. You guys are professional at everything atmosphere up. speaker-2: But we're not getting calls because we need to work on bleep's ep etiquette. speaker-0: Well and and well Skunk, we hear we also heard the conversation with Mustard and I think, you know, that's come up at some times too. Yeah. Yes, Skunk. I speaker-1: No. speaker-0: we I really do care. See this is speaker-2: We gotta work on Bleep's Addict. And do you want any old eggs? I've been speaker-1: Ooh, yes. Can I have an old egg? Yeah. speaker-2: So calling about speaker-1: Yeah, call into the call into the call into the podcast and shit. And if you don't I'll beat the fuck out of you. speaker-0: Okay, so this is the sort of hostile energy Okay, hold on, just chew chew first, chew first, buddy. Chew first. Everybody chew. Everybody chew. Drink water. speaker-1: Okay, I'll drink some water. speaker-0: Okay. Not on mic. Don't do it up please please don't don't breathe while you're doing it, please. speaker-1: Don't breathe while I drink water, you want me to die? Dedicate French for bleep die. speaker-0: I don't want you to die, I just want you to No, Etiquette is not French for bleep dyes. I don't know what it's French for. I just know how it gets you to move through the world. I think what if we spend today's episode a little closer to home, a little here on planet Earth in a thing I like to call a society. Where we can be a part of society, we can respect Etiquette is about respecting the people around you. And knowing that they deserve to have a nice time too. For example, try not to eat or drink on the mic because other people might be listening at home or in the car or heck even on the treadmill, and they don't really need to hear some chewing and slurping on the mic. You know, it's it's that kind of stuff. So I thought maybe I could, you know, take you through it, and we could maybe work on some etiquette today. speaker-2: So you're saying if we were more palatable people, we would be getting more calls about aliens? speaker-0: That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm trying to get to. Thank you for summarizing that in a great way, Skunk. That's a really great example of active listening, which is another example of etiquette. speaker-1: well try this on for size. I think this is a fucking stupid idea and I don't need it. Please. speaker-0: Okay, so the please is really nice. I like the pleas, but the pleas feels like it's not really coming from a real place because of all the words you said before. You know what I'm saying? speaker-1: I'll try it again. I think this idea sucks, stinks, and is bullshit. Please. speaker-0: A little better, but still you said some bad words to me. And look, boys, I'm not trying to come in here like Daddy Dutch. I'm not coming in here telling speaker-2: Then why are you wearing your dad's old clothes? speaker-0: Yeah, why? speaker-1: Why did you dress up for this episode? speaker-0: Because I thought maybe a cardigan and a tie and some loafers would feel more palatable to you and and I might speaker-1: Fucking word again, what does that mean? Like it's on it's on wood shelves at Home Depot? speaker-2: Like it's what I make my furniture out. speaker-0: No, it's palatable means that people are how do I describe palatable? It means that people can like accept you and and that you are not abrasive to people emotionally speaking. Palatable does not mean something that goes on or around palettes. speaker-1: 'Cause everything at Home Depot is pretty palatable. So that's that's true. That's where that's where my mind goes. But you speaker-0: You know who's really palatable at Home Depot are those are are those lovely helpers. You know the hot moms, like you know, Betsy Hammersmith. Betsy Hammersmith, who you always go ask for help on your home projects, you know. Bleep, she helps you build she helped you build a stairway to the bleep cave, you know. She's very palatable because she asked you how she could help. speaker-1: Okay. Okay. So Okay. this is really messing with my head, if I'm being honest, but speaker-0: And that's you know, w I'm gonna I'm gonna take you through it. I have well, I gotta be honest with you boys, I'm working on a book. The book I'm working on is called Do's and Don'ts to Live a Dunch Life. And a Dunch Life, you ask? Well that's a that's a life of leisure, luxury, and of course, enjoying the company of lovely people, romantically and platonically. That's the Dunch life, boys. And that's what we're all trying to do here, right? I mean not aliens, obviously, but you know. speaker-1: Y yeah, I mean that sounds more like your stuff. Skunk and I are more like go get our hands dirty and throw stuff as far as we can throw it, throw each other as far as we can throw each other, shave our heads. speaker-0: Th those are sort of like the antithesis of a of a of a Dunch life, I think. You know? Like you're you're throwing each other like javelins, you skunk is using his underwear as a bowstring and himself as the bow and then you're using dynamite as the arrows, like it's all really fun. Yeah. Don't get me wrong, on a Sunday it's the best. But in like three of us, yes. At the country club, maybe not. That's all I'm saying. speaker-1: Okay, so around other people we shouldn't be ourselves at all. speaker-0: No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. Just a a politer version of yourself, that's all. speaker-2: Dunge, frankly, I'm just glad you have something to take your mind off of your crippling mental thoughts. So, I'm happy for the book and I would love to hear about some of the stuff you're writing, as long as it doesn't take away from the show, because we need you here. speaker-0: No, no no. This is this is an extracurricular activity. speaker-1: Strictly. Ooh, I thought you were gonna say extraterrestrial. fuck. speaker-2: Ooh, I thought you were gonna say extra joke. speaker-1: Ooh, I really thought you were going to say extraterrestrial. speaker-2: Getting here terrestrial after that. speaker-1: Skunk, you you you and I both tensed up to kill him, huh? speaker-2: Yeah, yeah. Ooh. speaker-0: See that's the thing. Boys, put your karate hands down. that's is this is what I'm talking about. You're you're a real chop first, ask questions later kind of kind of crew, which I love that when we're encountering aliens. But I say people have to go say the word extra without violence. Extra full stop. I said extra and that's it. speaker-2: Speaking of chop first, ask questions later. Did anybody want all this lettuce? speaker-1: for one love brown lettuce so I will take that and Ray was saying earlier Roy sorry Ray Roy Ray Roy Ray Ro Roy Ray was saying Dunch was saying earlier that we shouldn't eat on Mike so I'm gonna I'll just suck on it. speaker-0: Did you guys hear about all that lettuce they recalled 'cause it gives you diarrhea? Did you guys hear about that? speaker-2: Not at all. speaker-0: That might be why they're trying to get rid of it. That's something like reading the news, being aware of pop culture. People don't only think that's part of etiquette, but just being aware of what's happening in the world. That's that's a big part of it. You know, I know that the news is an alien speaker-2: You know how much they lying to us though. speaker-0: I yeah, I know, I know. So by all means eat the lettuce. I'm not gonna tell you not to. speaker-2: They're lying to us about aliens, they're lying to us about lettuce. speaker-1: You know how much they lying to us, Roy. speaker-0: Yeah, I know how much they lie to us. And you're right, you're right. In that example, you guys are right because well, we've learned that the news is an outlet of the extraterrestrial mafia, and they're trying to control our brains and get newspapers to, you know, use up all of our ink. I you you guys have really told me all that and I believe it. speaker-1: It's it's polite to talk about the news. Okay. Well, I'll try it. I don't trust it, but I will try it for you, Roy. speaker-0: Bleep, that really means a lot. That really means a lot. speaker-1: Could I try it right now? Okay. speaker-0: Please. Let's do a let's do a little bit of a role play. Let's say, okay, you're you're going to the barber shop and and I am I'm the barber that you're gonna sit down with. speaker-1: Mr. Barber? speaker-0: Hi, sir. can I give you a nice cut today? speaker-1: Be very nice. This is my friend Skunk. speaker-0: Skunk hello, well I I'll I'll get to you after. You got a nice head of hair right there. That's that's really speaker-1: No, no, no, don't touch his hair. He's just here to watch. speaker-2: Here have this lettuce. speaker-1: Have you been reading the news, Mr. Barber? They're saying lettuce gives you ass blasting shit. speaker-0: And scene. Okay, so that is I actually think bleep, I actually think that would work. I think in that scenario you read the vibe of the barbershop. It's a cool place, you know. I think I think that would work. So great job. speaker-1: I wanted it I wanted to say i it'll make you paint your walls brown like a a dirty Jackson Pollock, but I didn't say that. speaker-0: And I'm really happy that you didn't say that. speaker-1: And Skunk, I just wanna say, on the theme of etiquette, I thought you did a nice job being in that scene. speaker-2: Thank you. I speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Hang on, hang on, buddy. speaker-1: Scott, come on. boy. I'm I'm gonna hit him. I'm gonna hit him. I have to hit him, it's the only way. Light Can I hit him? Can I hit him please? speaker-0: Great job, yes. And thank you. speaker-2: Sorry, that lettuce was for some reason doing something crazy in my stomach. Okay. speaker-1: we were just saying you did it you did a great job at the barber shop where we just were, and I did a great job protecting you from getting your hair cut. So everyone did a great job. I love the book, Roy, and thank you for having us on your podcast. speaker-0: W we're all on the podcast together and that's only one of the examples. speaker-2: So chapter one was what? speaker-1: it was Tell Your Bar it was Tell Your Barber about diarrhea, I think. speaker-0: N nope, but I think you know basically that. Chapter one be aware of the world and engage with people in a little something I like to call small talk. I mean, but th the title of the chapter is Small Talk in Your Way Through the Dutch Life. But I don't I don't need to sell this to you guys, of course. speaker-1: No, we're up we're behind it a hundred percent, buddy. speaker-0: Let me just flip through a couple other things here that be this one's pretty good. Skunk at IHOP, you probably run into this. speaker-2: Two senior citizens go into the bathroom at the same time and then when they come back they accidentally grab the wrong jacket. speaker-0: I was gonna say pointing at the menu when ordering. Mmm. This is something that is a really you know, it makes it feel like you haven't read the menu, it makes you feel like a little kid. speaker-1: That's how I read the menu with my with my gun. speaker-0: pointing at it with your gun and that's but I'm saying don't don't don't speaker-1: I sorry, the chapter was called Point at the Menu when you're reading it, so I thought that I was doing a good job. speaker-0: No no no it's it's don't that's a that's a dunch don't. D don't point at the menu in ordering. speaker-1: Can I point the gun at myself? Well speaker-0: Don't point the gun at yourself either. speaker-1: This raises a fucking question for me. speaker-0: Please. speaker-1: What do I do with my gun when I'm ordering at the restaurant? speaker-0: I think you keep it safely concealed or honestly if I had my druthers, right at home in a lockbox. speaker-1: Okay. speaker-0: Or a safe gun safe. Okay. speaker-1: Scenario for you, Dunch, since we're doing this, since we're all role playing. How about this? speaker-0: Yeah, okay. speaker-1: You and I are at the restaurant getting sloppy tacos, like we did on Saturday. And those big guys kick down the door and they go, Everybody in here, give us your wallets. And I go, I don't think so, punk. And I stand up with my gun and they run out screaming. Now, imagine in that scenario, my gun's at home in the gun safe. What do you want me to do? Summon my gun with some sort of magical gun powers? speaker-0: Well, first of all, that was a church collection service that they were they were looking for donations, bleep. I know that religion is a big cabal of all sorts of bad stuff, but th they weren't they weren't trying to rob people, they were saying plea open your heart, open your wallets. So that's what I'm saying that the the gun being there escalated the situation and we just simply couldn't enjoy the carnitas, you know what I mean? speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: So all I'm saying is when you're ordering, don't point at the menu. It's tacky. I'm realizing that I need to make the d the dunch do's and don'ts. I need more scenarios than these. I I I need to be more specific or maybe just broader. Maybe it's just sort of this is called dining do's and don'ts, and maybe that's the chapter. This is good notes, guys. These are really good notes. It's really helping me get this. speaker-2: If I had to give notes I'd say it's kind of in a dangerous amorphous gray area. speaker-0: No note taken. That's a really good piece of feedback, you know. I I'm not above taking feedback at all. this is something that applies to our listeners directly right now. I have another thing. This is do listen to Alien Hunters Hotline. Don't listen to Alien Hunters Hotline music, other podcasts, videos without headphones. In public, if you're listening or or consuming any kind of media on your phone, iPad, Kindle, Kindle Fire, Fire stick leadpad, fire stick, of course, MacBook. speaker-1: Cricket Wireless stock phone. speaker-0: Surface Pro, Dumb phone, those I ha I got one of those dumb phones. any of those, y y keep it in the headphones. speaker-2: Hold on, I gotta turn on my fort boom boxes. speaker-0: Tigers usually. We don't need to hear David Attenborough in speaker-2: Okay, keep going. speaker-0: three different languages when we're just trying to record a podcast. speaker-2: It's how we know if he's sending us secret messages. I'm just trying to multitask. speaker-0: Okay, that's that's but that is you you're that's sort of being rude to us, the listener, it's being rude to the what the you know, there's there's all sorts of can can we just turn it off for a moment, please? Can we just turn it off please? speaker-1: You made Roy mad. speaker-2: Doing what we're supposed to be doing. I sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. speaker-1: I would get it. No, I here's the thing, man. I I feel like you and I think we're doing what we're supposed to be doing, but based on Roy's reaction, we're not doing that at all. And I think he's really tapping into his last reserves of patience here. So maybe let's try this. On his next one, we do the opposite of what we think we would do in that situation. So he'll say something, then our first thought would be what we would do, and then the next thought would be the opposite. Maybe we try that and then he will get mad at us. speaker-2: Okay. but if it doesn't work, I'm gonna put my boom boxes on again because look, I'm I'm loving this thing, but the point of the show is aliens and I I would love to be doing some alien work while we're doing politeness work as well. So but I'm okay, I'm down I'm down to try to try the opposite, okay? speaker-1: I think I think you're I think it's it's it's insane that we're spending a whole episode on manners, but nobody's fucking calling in. So w we there's no there's nothing else for us to really to do. And I I wanna kind of a lot of this podcast has been us telling Roy shit. So we should just hear him out 'cause that's the I guess that I speaker-0: I'm just trying to do one thing. I'm just trying to do one thing. Whoa. Okay, Roy. I'm just trying to do one single thing. Here. I'm trying to I'm writing. See, that's another one. You you just you don't listen when I'm here and you and you I like I don't know I don't know anything about aliens, and I'm just trying to help and I'm trying to teach you guys how speaker-1: But like speaker-0: to like like be in the world, like be public figures, and like it's just like I I speaker-1: No speaker-0: I just like speaker-1: Roy, Roy, take a deep breath and suck on some of this lettuce. speaker-0: What? speaker-1: Okay. Yeah. Roy, give us one more scenario and Skunk and I have a little thing we're gonna try and maybe you know, we haven't been doing a good job of necessarily hearing where you're coming from. So we're gonna try something different on this one. So just give us one more scenario and we'll we'll see. I think I'm starting to get it. speaker-0: Do stand up to shake someone's hand. When you're meeting people and you're sitting down, you should stand up to greet them so that they know you are excited to see them and you can look each other in the eye. speaker-2: Okay, well my first instinct would be any time I see a new person to scream at them and say Who are you? But I'll try this if you want. speaker-1: And my first instinct would obviously be either karate hands or my gun. Because why is a new person approaching me? But I will try this and I will stand up and I'll shake their hand and say, Hi there. My name is Bleep. This is my friend Skunk. It's a a pleasure to meet you. speaker-0: My God. That was amazing. Boys I I can't tell you how much that means. To see you standing up and shaking someone's hand instead of pulling a gun on them brings warmth to my heart. speaker-2: Yeah, that's good. It it does seem like you're transformed and you're rubbing the cardigan and it does seem like you're maybe having an emotional reaction that is goes deeper into your f connection with your father. speaker-1: Yeah, Roy, we found ourselves in a situation where it feels like this wasn't about us at all and it was about something else, and you're probably not gonna want to talk about it. speaker-0: Sometimes boys, it Well, you're my best friends in the whole world, and and I just think that if maybe if I had learned the do's and don'ts earlier in my life, I would actually be living a Dunch life. Instead of the life I've been living, which doesn't feel quite Dunch at all. I gotta be fully honest. After everything that happened in Sandusky, which I am not gonna get into, it's too painful. speaker-1: Jesus Chr Yeah. speaker-2: my God. You're really dragging this one out. speaker-1: You bring it up and then you pull it right back every time. speaker-2: So if I was listening to this I would be like, shut the fuck up. speaker-1: Shut up. If I was listening to this, I'd be like, can he just fucking get to it? Can he just speaker-2: Fucking see the thing. speaker-0: Is that what what would be helpful? Does that feel like that's etiquette for you guys? Should I should I be honest about my feelings or speaker-1: Honestly, I don't even care about the about the podcast and the listeners. I I'm like concerned that you holding on to this whatever happened in Sandusky thing is causing you to do odd shit. If you can zoom out for a second, you're dressed up like your dad teaching us manners for an entire episode of a podcast. speaker-0: there's not a there's not a thread of lycra or leisure on me. This isn't like me. speaker-1: No, you're not wearing those weird hybrid pants that look like dress pants but they feel like yoga pants, and that's sort of your signature. speaker-2: You didn't come into this recording straight from a race with your nipple covers still on. speaker-0: my god. What am I doing? This isn't me. You boys are the only real thing here. I i i if I was walking around trying to do etiquette all the time, the the country club doesn't respect me. They don't like me. I get awful tea times. They don't they only let me go to speaker-1: Seven PM every week. speaker-0: 7 p.m. the tea times are awful. I'm a joke. speaker-2: And during the winter too. Seven PM during the winter, it's pitch black when you're going out. speaker-0: It's pitch black and I'm just whacking at the at the snow. This is awful. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: no one respec no one respects me. This is what I'm trying to people respect authors. People respect people, men of etiquette. This is all I'm trying to do, and I think you guys are really pointing something here that Dunch don't get no respect. Except from the alien hunters. speaker-2: Well yeah, that's what I'm gonna ask you about is like what makes you want other people's respect? 'Cause it turns out other people can also be a little aliens. speaker-0: Whoa. my god. speaker-1: Look, I don't disagree that Skunk and I can be a little abrasive, but I I think all three of us exist at two ends of a spectrum, and maybe if we met in the middle a little bit, you didn't focus so much on other people's opinions and we cared about it just a an inch. I think that we could all benefit from that. I also think, buddy, you gotta let a little steam out of the kettle. Why don't you you don't have to tell us exactly what happened in Sandusky, but why don't you tell us one thing that you've been holding close to your chest that will maybe let some of that steam out because I'm I'm pr progressively episode to episode, you're starting to unravel and it's starting to freak me out. speaker-0: Okay, one thing. Okay, one one speaker-1: One small thing. speaker-0: Once one one small thing. I never liked Sandusky. It was too big, too scary. But I thought I needed to and I just couldn't handle the pressure. And I did not like that there is an equinox there. They're mean to me, and at the smoothie bar they always asked why I wanted just peanut butter, only peanut butter, nothing but peanut butter, maybe a little bit of oat milk. speaker-2: You're saying your traumatic backstory is you went to an equinox and they gave you a too much peanut butter in your smoothie? speaker-0: No, it's so much more than that, but that's basically it. It's it's more of I've been living a life that I thought I should live instead of the one I actually am meant to live. And I think maybe maybe I gotta call BetterHelp. They're not a sponsor, but God I wish they would be. speaker-1: Call them, they they they just steal your data and they fucking put it out there for everybody and then anyone can read your anonymous data. That that's kinda their whole gambit. speaker-0: Well maybe I gotta go to a rage room and just see if it clears anything out. And by rage room of course I mean the corner of Bleep's cave filled with glass and guns. speaker-1: Yeah, you can go into the glass gun rage room whenever you want, buddy. But also you can just talk to us about stuff. There's also that. Like, don't you feel a little bit better saying you didn't fit in in Sandusky? It was too big and scary? speaker-0: Yeah, I guess I do. And I really hate cardigans. speaker-1: Take it off. speaker-0: I'm gonna take it off. I'm gonna take it off. I don't even have anything on under this. What am I doing? speaker-1: boom. speaker-0: Okay, that yeah, mustard, you can take it, man. You can take it. I I don't I don't mind. speaker-2: He loves a cardigan. speaker-0: You can wear it for your wedding. Whoa. speaker-1: He's No, he lit he lit it on fire. He's got something with lighting f lighting clothes on fire. Have you taught him that wood starts fires, skunk, or is it just clothes? speaker-2: Taught him that everything starts fire. speaker-0: Well that's a that's a skunk do and that's a mustard. Yes I will. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, write speaker-0: Well I speaker-1: that write no, write that book, skunk. No, I'm not letting you cut that really. write that book, skunk. That's a skunk do and a mustard, yes I will. speaker-2: A skunk do and a mustard, yes I bill. That sounds good to me. Okay, I'm gonna turn my boom boxes back on. Seems like we've resolved this. Well speaker-1: Skunk, before you do that, maybe we fucking sign off from the show. Can we do that? And then you can get into the boom boxes. speaker-0: I think I think we get I think we take our shirts off when we go nuts to David Attenborough in four different languages on the on the JBL speakers that Skunk has here. speaker-1: I agree. I'm aligned, skunk. You feel good about that? speaker-2: Maybe let's go around before we do that, could we maybe we go around and say one etiquette piece we learned today? speaker-1: okay. do you want me to do it right now? speaker-0: Y yeah, I think that's a good idea. speaker-1: Okay. I'm Bleep and today was my first day learning about etiquette and I learned that you should stand up and shake people's hands and look them in the eye and leave your gun at home. speaker-0: Wow, very good, Bleep. Very good. speaker-2: my name is Skunk and I learned that the most polite thing you could do is to not wear your father's clothes. speaker-0: That's really good. I'm Roy Dunch and I learned that the only do to living a Dunch life is do share your feelings. speaker-2: Okay, I'm gonna turn these moon boxes back on. speaker-1: Skunk, don't touch those fucking buttons yet. I'm gonna nail this sign off. That has been another episode of Alien Hunters Hotline in which we barely talked about aliens and nobody called in. But if you wanna call in, call 419-463-2626. I've been bleep, that's Skunk, and down there you got Dunch. Lines open. No, fuck. Hold on, Dunch, I got this. And remember. speaker-0: You got it, you got buddy. I believe. speaker-1: Shut up. I'm gonna do it. And remember. speaker-0: Always question never. speaker-2: Okay, I'm turning these boom boxes on 'cause we gotta find out if Dale Beneberger is telling us a message. speaker-0: Es la gallina. This speaker-2: Yeah, I could have been speaker-0: is speaker-1: y'all can found me. speaker-0: Thanks for tuning in to Alien Hunter's Hotline. speaker-1: A podcast by Harrison Kelly. speaker-0: Snyder. speaker-2: Cecil Taggart. speaker-1: Followinghuntershotline.com speaker-0: The show on social and visit Ali.