Latest / Black Girl Interrupted Podcast / You don't want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him!!!

Transcript

You don't want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him!!! · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

• 0:11
  Black Girl Rusty. Y'all already know how it's gonna erupting. Y'all already know
• 0:27
  how it's got that girl, Rusty. Oh, what's up, y'all hanging
• 0:43
  y'all already know who it is. It's your favorite bible ful girl. It's
• 0:47
  your girl, And welcome back to another episode of Black Girl Interrupted. Happy
• 0:55
  Wednesday, y'all. I hope everyone is feeling good today. I hope everyone's
• 1:00
  week has been going good so far. I'm praying I hope it is.
• 1:04
  But I want to first start out by saying, thank y'all so much for
• 1:11
  loving on me the way that y'all did last week. Last week was absolutely
• 1:15
  imperative for me. I definitely needed to vent. I definitely needed to get
• 1:22
  that off my chest because I was really, really, really really in a
• 1:26
  dark, dark, dark place and I needed to release. So what better
• 1:33
  way than to do it with my family, like with the people that love
• 1:36
  and support me, that show up for me every every episode. Y'all show
• 1:41
  up for me. So I definitely wanted to say thank y'all. I love
• 1:45
  y'all so much. I really appreciate it. I appreciate the comments, I
• 1:49
  appreciate the prayers. I appreciate everything, like I just love the way y'all
• 1:56
  love on me, and I'm gonna keep loving y'all all back. But again,
• 2:01
  Happy Wednesday, y'all. I'm really trying to push through today. I
• 2:07
  don't know what's been going on, Like my anxiety has been up. I
• 2:08
  haven't been able to just really sleep like I need to. I woke up
• 2:13
  at like six o'clock this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. And then
• 2:17
  when I was finally able to set it down and go back to sleep,
• 2:20
  like it was time for me to get up and go to work, like
• 2:22
  I was so discombabulated, y'all, I ran into the door. I was
• 2:27
  late clocking, oh, y'all, but I made it. But I'm here,
• 2:30
  So I'm gonna push through tonight's episode. But y'all already know how I
• 2:37
  get started. Y'all already know I always do like my mental health check in
• 2:40
  because I need to make sure y'all look good. I need to make sure
• 2:44
  y'all look good mentally, physically, emotionally, because I know what it's like
• 2:49
  to be in a dark place and feel like you don't have anybody. So
• 2:53
  y'all already know I always start with something powerful, something empowering, something uplifting.
• 2:59
  So let's go ahead and get into that. And then I'm ready to
• 3:00
  get into the nice topic, because baby, I'm about to be real messy.
• 3:06
  I promise I'm about to be real, real messy. I may have
• 3:08
  some ladies upset with me, but it's cool. But it's a conversation that
• 3:13
  needs to be had. So here we go again. This is for anybody
• 3:16
  that, regardless of what you're going through, just know that you can always
• 3:21
  make it through to the other side. The rainstorms don't always last. So
• 3:25
  here we go, and then we're gonna jump into the nice conversation. So
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  I'm excited. There we go. I don't care how good you are,
• 3:32
  don't care how talented you are, I don't care how much you work on
• 3:36
  yourself. There's sometimes when things aren't gonna go right. Yep, y'all,
• 3:42
  y'all forget me. That's not the one I wanted to play. Here we
• 3:44
  go. There's two sides of pain. There's one side of pain that's the
• 3:53
  suffering and the discomfort side of pain. But then there's another side of pain
• 4:00
  that's called effort. It's called glory. And if you never tap into it.
• 4:06
  It's because the first time you felt that you backed off, the first
• 4:10
  time you felt ah, that burned, the first time you feel that it's
• 4:14
  too much, And we rastal lives with ourselves, so what we automatically stop.
• 4:19
  That's why both of us give up so much in life so quickly.
• 4:23
  But suppose I told you the greatest pain of my life, It's the reason
• 4:29
  I'm standing the other day. See, sometimes we think the pain is what
• 4:32
  controls us. Is what's actually subconscious mind that if we ever tapped into that,
• 4:38
  that's what dictates most of our lives. And literally, what I've learned
• 4:42
  in these moments is that I have to stop listening to myself and I have
• 4:46
  to start talking to myself. I'm like, Rich, you're great. I'm
• 4:48
  not looking at me like you're can do this. Rich, you can handle
• 4:51
  this. Riches is not a big deal. Riches don't pass. You're amazing,
• 4:57
  Rich, This too shall pass. You got to find ways to increase
• 5:00
  your sense of self appreciation, because if you don't, you're bombarded with negative
• 5:05
  stuff every day that beats you down, and you will find yourself unconsciously engage
• 5:12
  in self destructive behavior. If you don't program yourself. Life will program you.
• 5:17
  You got to get grounded. You've got to train your mind to serve
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  you. That's make up your mind. This is not going to control you.
• 5:28
  You have got to make a declaration. This is what you stand for.
• 5:32
  If you're standing up for your dreams, you're standing up for peace of
• 5:35
  mind, You're standing up for health. You want it, and you're gonna
• 5:41
  go all out to have it. It's not going to be easy when you
• 5:45
  want to change. It's not easy. If it were in fact easy,
• 5:47
  everybody and do it. But if you're serious, you'll go all out.
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  I'm saying, in spite of this, I'm in control here. I'm going
• 5:58
  to turn this situation around. I'm not going to sit back and moan and
• 6:00
  cry over what happened and what went wrong and who did what. I'm going
• 6:04
  to do something about this situation. When God gives you a dream, the
• 6:10
  dream will always be tested. The pressure in your life right now has a
• 6:15
  purpose. It's not crushing you. It's cushing what's on the inside of you
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  out. It shows you who you are. It's a dog fight. It
• 6:28
  hasn't been easy. It's a dog fight. The role hadn't been success like
• 6:31
  it's just a pay roll, and like each go this way. It's been
• 6:35
  rough, it's been crooked, it's been hard, but I've made up in
• 6:40
  my mind that I will get a reward for the paying because I go through.
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  I will not stop. In the middle of the prop said I will
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  not be defeated, I will not be destroyed. I will take everything that
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  happens in my life, and I will allow to pay for puts me to
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  greatness. You will not break me, you will not stop me. You
• 7:00
  will not defeat he. The only way I lose is if I quit.
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  It's going to be a dog fight. I choose to fight fire. Life
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  is rough. You can allow it to destroy you, or you can allow
• 7:15
  it to build you up. Draw the line, ladies and gentlemen, and
• 7:17
  just say enough is he enough? Get out of that narrow mindedness, Get
• 7:21
  out of that defeated mentality, Get away from that circle. Get away from
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  those people that don't wish you any good, Get away from those people that
• 7:30
  don't want you to succeed. Get out of the tent. Get out.
• 7:34
  There's nothing as powerful, and say healing spirits. You can't destroy it.
• 7:39
  You can pervert it, but you can't destroy it. If you lose the
• 7:43
  job, keep the faith. If you lose the spouse, keep the faith.
• 7:46
  If you have to downside, keep the faith. If you have to
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  move in with your mama, keep the faith. If you have to wits
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  in, keep the faith. If you have to keep the bus, keep
• 7:55
  the faith. If you have the tom, keep the faith. If he
• 7:58
  gets sick, keep the faith. If you're losing kidneys, keep the faith.
• 8:01
  If it got a hard come on, keep the faith. Y'all might
• 8:05
  not gonna go hard, but you gotta keep y'all faith. If you can't
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  fly, run, if you can't run, walk, if you can't walk,
• 8:16
  crawl, but by all means, keep moving. Y'all don't judge me.
• 8:46
  I'm over here having a grand a little time by myself. But anyway,
• 8:50
  y'all already know how I do. I always have to start my show
• 8:52
  off by doing a mental health checking. I always have to play something empowering,
• 8:58
  something uplifting, because I got that you never know what a person is
• 9:01
  going through. We see all of our strong friends on social media. We
• 9:05
  see people laughing, smiling, but really they could be heard on the inside.
• 9:07
  So I just wanted to drop off some encouragement. Just want to love
• 9:11
  on y'all for a moment, the way y'all loved on me, and I
• 9:15
  appreciate it. I do. I love y'all. But I'm ready to jump
• 9:20
  into the nice conversation called baby. I'm about to be real messy, I
• 9:26
  promise, and y'all know I'm you know what, I'm not gonna say that
• 9:30
  I'm never messy on my shower, because I am at times and I'm petty
• 9:33
  at times. But I think this is a much needed conversation because I'm seeing
• 9:37
  this far too often with women and men when it comes to relationships. I'm
• 9:43
  seeing women that y'all really let me. Let me say this, y'all gets
• 9:50
  on my damn nerves because I'm really sick of the way y'all do men.
• 9:58
  So I want to talk about it. I want to address that tonight.
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  So tonight's conversation. Stop holding that man hostage. Okay, you don't want
• 10:07
  it, but you don't want anyone else to have it. That's what we're
• 10:11
  talking about tonight. And and I guess the reason I wanted to discuss this
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  because I see so many things come across my timeline on my social media sites,
• 10:24
  whether it's Instagram, whether it's Facebook, whether it's Twitter, whether I'm
• 10:28
  on clubhouse something. But I am so sick and tired of you women dragging
• 10:37
  and manipulating gas like men to the point where you're ruined him for the next
• 10:43
  one. So that's the conversation we have in tonight. Stop holding that man
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  hostage. Let me say this, If you don't want that man, let
• 10:50
  that man go, Let him go. Why are you holding on to a
• 10:56
  person that you don't want. Why do you continue to see feel why you
• 11:00
  continuously gaslights? You need therapy? And the saddest part about all of this
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  is that you have women that applied you for this, that cold stein,
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  for your foolishness. And that's that's the ship that pisses me off is because
• 11:22
  you women do some low down thirty shit and never won't to hold yourself accountable
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  for the things that you do. It's like you get a good man,
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  but then you fuck over that good man for a dude that got a baby
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  mama side chicken or white. Now you treat him like a king, but
• 11:45
  you won't treat the man that you live with, the one that provides for
• 11:48
  you, that gives you stability, that loves you, not only mentally,
• 11:54
  but physically and emotionally, and you treat him like shit and then you turn
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  around. I'm saying, no good men out here. That's because it's women
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  like you that ruin good men. You're the one that makes it hard for
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  the next woman that gets with this man because of your toxic ways, because
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  you're so busy listening to your mama. Your ain'ties. And I'm sick of
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  it. Like when I say I'm sick of it, I'm over it.
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  I'm over it, Hey boo, Ashley says, l o l I'm the
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  opposite when I'm over you. It's done, no coming back, no nothing.
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  But you're rare. But you have women, Ashley, that stay in
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  these relationships with men, and you know you don't want the man. You're
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  working all on social media, you're popping your cool chick, you're all in
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  the club, you're flirting. If you want to be single, be single,
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  Let that man go go, Let that man be happy. And that's
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  the sad part. You don't want him to be happy because you're not happy.
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  You want to hold him hostage because he does for you with these other
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  men what you can't get from these other men. So you so you hold
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  on through him, you're mistreating. You get dressed up to go out,
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  but then you walk around, you look like a bomb for him. I
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  just I never understood that, Like I really I never understood that. And
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  the sad part about it is that this is the this is the thought process
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  of this new generation of women. Now they co signed this bullshit, and
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  I'm gonna say it because it's bull y'all co signed this foolishness of the mistreatment
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  of men. And then you say, oh, well, he doesn't talk
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  to me because you haven't made a thing for him, because when he tried
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  to talk to you, you turned around and through his weakness back in his
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  face. You belittle to him, you disrespect him constantly, and you think
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  it's okay. But y'all, are these quote unquote high value women like I
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  just don't get it. And then you say, well, I'm a good
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  woman. I do this, I do that. But what are you going
• 14:11
  to make this man happy? What are you doing to keep this man happy?
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  Yeah, you might be fucking and sucking, but are you taking care
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  of his emotional needs? Are you taking care of his mental needs? Are
• 14:22
  you taking care of his spiritual needs? Some of y'all might need to just
• 14:28
  go and bypass this question because I posted I posed the question the other day
• 14:35
  and I asked what can you do to keep a man happy outside of sex?
• 14:43
  And it was so funny how many people bypassed that post. I wonder,
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  why do you really know what it thinks what it takes to keep a
• 14:54
  man happy outside of just sex. You could be sexing him good, you
• 14:58
  could be sucking him good, you could be cooking and everything, but is
• 15:01
  he mentally happy? Is he emotionally happy? Are you checking for that?
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  You look and find out if he's cheating on you, but you can't check
• 15:13
  and see if he's happy. Make that make sense. I know some of
• 15:18
  y'all are gonna be like, oh, she bashing women. No I'm not.
• 15:22
  I'm just holding you top the you toxic women accountable. So Atlas says,
• 15:26
  hold on, let me get back to the comment. She says,
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  Yes, that's the bys I never understood. But then men will stay around
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  the woman that don't want them, the women who are really into them they
• 15:35
  played with because and you'll know why, ash, because that woman that he
• 15:41
  was fighting so hard to be with has ruined him. So when he gets
• 15:46
  with a woman that really truly is there for him, that loves him for
• 15:52
  him, that takes care of him mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically,
• 15:58
  he can't recognize because he's been tainted by the last one, so he
• 16:03
  carries that into his next relationship. Women we do the same thing too.
• 16:10
  We stay with men that we know not good for us, and then when
• 16:12
  we finally get a man that's the bomb, we don't know how to keep
• 16:17
  him because we're so used to the toxicity in the previous relationships we've been in.
• 16:22
  And I can only speak for me, you know, I can't speak
• 16:26
  for other women, but I could only speak from my own experience. You
• 16:27
  know, even in my current relationship, I almost lost him because I was
• 16:33
  so used to the arguing, the back and forth, the ups, the
• 16:37
  downs. The toxicity is what I was used to and I don't get that
• 16:41
  with him, so I almost lost him. But men and women we learn
• 16:48
  from each other, like we could teach each other. Like I just feel
• 16:55
  like every relationship that you've been in, you should take something from that relationship.
• 16:59
  Learn from know what you want, know what you don't want, know
• 17:04
  when to let, know when to hold, and know when to fold but
• 17:11
  anyway, But I'm not gonna even run back down there, rabbit. But
• 17:14
  anyway, but you do have women that really do hold man hostage and relationships
• 17:21
  you will you're really men enough to hold onto him and then your ship on
• 17:26
  him again. I just never understood that if this is the person that you
• 17:34
  don't want, let that man go, let him go with and be with
• 17:40
  someone that really truly wants to be with him. Stop holding him up for
• 17:42
  his wife. You know, everybody says, well, I want to be
• 17:49
  a wife. I want to be a wife. I want to be a
• 17:52
  wife, but you need to first learn how to be a girlfriend. I
• 17:56
  said it because some of y'all aren't even girlfriend material. Some of y'all are
• 18:03
  just baby mama's inside chicks. I'm gonna say it because that's the way you
• 18:07
  conduct yourselves. You don't conduct yourselves like a woman. You conduct yourself like
• 18:15
  poles. I'm gonna say it. Twerking shaking your ass all on social media,
• 18:26
  dressing provocatively on social media. And know you got a man, but
• 18:33
  you won't dress like that for him, but you're dressed like that for these
• 18:37
  other dudes that's out here. You won't fix yourself up for your man.
• 18:41
  You won't twerking and do what you need to do for your man, but
• 18:45
  you'll do it for somebody else's man. Though. You'll do it for somebody's
• 18:49
  husband. I said it. I did. And then you wonder why that
• 18:59
  that man doesn't like coming home. You wonder why the man doesn't talk to
• 19:03
  you. You wonder why he moves differently. Because I feel like people move
• 19:10
  off an energy. I feel like, if your energy is off, I'm
• 19:14
  gonna move the same way you're moving. If you're showing me that you don't
• 19:17
  want to be with me, I'm gonna start moving the same way, and
• 19:21
  then eventually I'm gonna move out of the way. But again, some of
• 19:26
  you women, y'all need the first learn how to be a girlfriend white before
• 19:29
  you sit up here talking about you want to be a wife. I look
• 19:33
  at some of the females on my timeline. I see why some of y'all
• 19:37
  are single. I see why some of y'all get the type of men that
• 19:42
  you get. I'm gonna call it as to aids the spade a spade.
• 19:48
  I see a lot of y'all and the things that y'all do. But then
• 19:53
  you turn around, you make a post. Oh, ain't no good men
• 19:56
  out here, because don't know, man, won't no woman that's popping her
• 20:00
  pussy on social media every day, don't know? Man. Wan't no woman
• 20:03
  that has her aunts tutored up in the air in every picture that she posts
• 20:07
  on social media. Not no real man. Let me say that, Let
• 20:12
  me correct myself. Not no real man. No real man wants his woman
• 20:18
  out conducting herself in that manner. Ask him, say, I'm happy I
• 20:23
  don't know these women baby. It's some of them on my timeline that I'm
• 20:27
  friends with on Facebook, that I'm friends with all other social media platforms,
• 20:33
  and I just sitting there looking I'm liking you. Wonder why if you don't
• 20:36
  have a man, look at your behavior, look at how you conduct yourself
• 20:40
  in public. It's cool to go out, and let me say this,
• 20:48
  it's cool to go out, have fun, have a couple of dreams with
• 20:52
  your girls. I'm not saying that. But if you say you wanna be
• 20:57
  a girlfriend and lead into being a wife, you need to first conduct yourself
• 21:03
  like a woman and not like an eighteen year old child. And you and
• 21:07
  your boys, why are you thirty five years old still trying to act like
• 21:14
  you twenty one? At what point do you grow up? What can you
• 21:22
  bring? What can you bring to a man that's already established and you're still
• 21:30
  trying to figure out what you need? What you're trying to do? Y'all
• 21:34
  keep saying, oh, I want a man that's already put together. Well
• 21:37
  a man wants some woman that's already put together? Then how about that?
• 21:44
  How about that? Let's have that conversation. And then there's a lot of
• 21:52
  you women that are give me, give me, give me, give me,
• 21:55
  give me, gimme, and you take take, take, take,
• 21:57
  take, but you don't give give gift of guilt. I see a lot
• 22:03
  of y'all posts that say, oh, I'm wipe be material. Why because
• 22:07
  you cook the box of macaroni and fry some chicken. Anybody could do that.
• 22:15
  But what value do you bring to this man? I see so many
• 22:19
  women say, oh I need a man that could do this. Then I
• 22:22
  need a man that could do that. Well, what can you bring to
• 22:23
  this man if he's doing all of this? What do you bring? I'm
• 22:30
  really truly asking that question, like I'm really serious, because I see I
• 22:36
  see a lot of the women that say, oh, I want a man
• 22:38
  that does this, that does that. But what can you bring to the
• 22:42
  man? What do you bring in to the man? What can you bring
• 22:45
  to enhanced with this man already has because he could get posted anywhere, excuse
• 22:51
  my language. He can get cat anywhere, he can get had anywhere.
• 22:59
  So besides those to what else can you bring? What else can you bring
• 23:04
  to this man? If you want a man that's already, that is already
• 23:08
  put together, what can you do to enhance and vice versa. That's a
• 23:15
  million dollar question because I see y'all on my timeline every day. Every day
• 23:23
  I see y'all on my timeline and y'all posts out, Oh I'm a good
• 23:26
  woman. Oh men, don't man? Can't a man can't handle me?
• 23:30
  Can you even handle yourself? That's what I don't understand. If you such
• 23:38
  a good woman and you this and you that, why are you by yourself?
• 23:48
  I'm really asking that question though, for real. That's why I really
• 23:53
  want to know that, because I sit and I have conversations with with my
• 23:57
  god friends. Okay, y'all, So we sit down and we talk about
• 24:02
  relationships, we talk about sex, we talk about everything. And some of
• 24:07
  the men that I that I've talked to even some of the women that I've
• 24:10
  spoken to, but more so the men say, I want a wife,
• 24:21
  I want my person, but I want a respectable person. I want a
• 24:26
  woman that carries herself like a woman and not like an eighteen year old,
• 24:32
  not thirty five, forty years old. And you're still trying to act like
• 24:36
  you're twenty one years old, like you're still trying to reclaim your youth,
• 24:37
  like baby, that ship is sale. At what point, women do you
• 24:42
  grow up? At what point do you say, you know what, I
• 24:47
  need to start conducting myself like a man, because these are the type of
• 24:51
  men that I'm attracting. I'm attracting men that got multiple baby malmost got side
• 24:59
  chicks, got wives. What is it about yourself that you keep attracting men
• 25:04
  like this? Because at what point do you take some accountability for the type
• 25:11
  of men that you attract? You are what you attract, And again I'm
• 25:15
  only speaking from experience. I attract the men that were broken, men that
• 25:23
  didn't have much going on for their self because I was looking for a father.
• 25:29
  I was looking to replace that hole in my in my life that I
• 25:32
  was missing that boy, you know, so I was searching for it and
• 25:34
  men. So when I'm broken and not really doing well for myself and these
• 25:41
  are the type of men that I attract, and I had to own that.
• 25:47
  You got women out here to say, I don't know why I keep
• 25:48
  attracting these type of men. Baby, and something in you that you need
• 25:52
  the things. It's something about you, it's the void you're missing. Why
• 25:59
  you keep attaching yourself to men that you know ain't no good In the same
• 26:03
  way with men. You got men, excuse me, that have mommy issues.
• 26:12
  You got men that are trying to feel a void that they didn't get
• 26:18
  from their mom. You know, maybe they have a you know, a
• 26:22
  broken mother son relationship. I don't know, But at what point do we
• 26:27
  really sit down with ourselves and say, you know what, how about to
• 26:30
  fix some things about myself? Keep attract I don't understand why I can't get
• 26:37
  a man that's honest or a man that's faithful. Why why am I always
• 26:41
  attracting the ones that, like I say, got girlfriends, boyfriends, wives,
• 26:47
  baby and mom aside chicks and carry a person with type jis that was
• 26:52
  a joke on the type JS. So that's a million dollar question at what
• 26:59
  point women do we you sit down and say, you know what, I
• 27:00
  gotta fix me, because if I want to attract a good man, I
• 27:07
  have to first be a good woman. Some of y'all not ready for that
• 27:11
  conversation, because some of y'all already feel like, ain't nothing wrong with y'all,
• 27:15
  and you're a good woman, but you're by yourself. You keep falling
• 27:22
  for the same type of men. What's the problem, says, We got
• 27:29
  to have that conversation. We got to wake that up. We gotta talk
• 27:32
  about that, because y'all are getting these good men that want to love you,
• 27:37
  that want to take care of you, that do potentially see you as
• 27:41
  a wife, but you don't act like one, and you don't treat him
• 27:45
  like one. You manipulate him, you're gas lighting your lives doing You do
• 27:53
  just enough for him to hold on, and the moment you got him real
• 27:56
  back in, you go back to doing the same shit you was doing before.
• 28:03
  And a lot of men stay because they see the potential in women.
• 28:06
  They see the good and a lot of women, so I really believe that's
• 28:10
  why a lot of men stay. And then a lot of men stay because
• 28:15
  they don't want to be alone, same way with women, same way with
• 28:22
  women. Men like normals. It's a normalcy, something familiar. You know.
• 28:32
  That's one of the things that we really have to sit down and talk
• 28:40
  and address because I advocate for healthy, loving relationships. But there's new generation
• 28:48
  y'all celebrate toxicity. Who wants to live like that? That's miserable. But
• 28:56
  you got some men that love toxic women because that's what they're used to.
• 29:04
  Because you have a lot of men out here that don't value themselves, that
• 29:08
  lower they standards and settle. Seeing way with women, we settle just for
• 29:14
  the sake of I don't want the left side of my bed to be cold.
• 29:19
  I'm not settling. I'm not holding no man hostage and no relationship.
• 29:23
  I'm not doing that. Nope, nope. So Natasha says, you're correct
• 29:30
  about energy. It tells you everything good or bad. So Ashley says,
• 29:34
  But they will settle for that box, Mac, I've seen it too much,
• 29:37
  right, They settle for that, so Frederick says. Indeed, as
• 29:45
  a good man with a passionate heart, Unfortunately I keep attracting women who have
• 29:49
  major trust issues. I understand that no one is perfect. Most women are
• 29:53
  looking for a perfect man, knowing that they are extremely flawed. Yeah,
• 29:56
  they do. They do because a lot of women out here are looking for
• 30:00
  men to fix them, and vice versa. You got women that are looking
• 30:06
  for men to fix them. You got men that are looking for women to
• 30:07
  fix them. When you need to be fixing yourselves when you are alone,
• 30:11
  when you're single, that's the time that you really need to sit down and
• 30:15
  take the time to really get to know yourself. Figure out what it is
• 30:19
  that you like to do. Figure out what you like about yourself, what
• 30:22
  you don't like about yourself, What do you want to change, What do
• 30:26
  you want to fix, what do you want to enhance. That's the first
• 30:30
  thing. If you have unhealed trauma or issues, you need to work baby,
• 30:36
  you need to work on that. But you get into a relationship because,
• 30:38
  let me tell yourself, a lot of people don't want to carry all
• 30:42
  that baggage. They don't mind coming in to help you, but they don't
• 30:47
  want to carry the whole load. And that's what some women do. They
• 30:49
  get into these relationships with the hopes of oldest man is gonna fix me,
• 30:55
  this man is gonna put me in a house, this man is gonna do
• 30:57
  this. This man is gonna do that, But what can you do for
• 31:00
  that man? That's the question I really don't underslike for the life of me,
• 31:07
  Like, I just don't understand. I don't get it. And then
• 31:11
  you have some women that want to be the man and a woman in the
• 31:14
  relationship. You can't be bold. You gotta relax in your feminine energy.
• 31:22
  Ladies. When you find a man that makes you feel safe, a man
• 31:30
  that becomes your sanctuary, a man that is your piece. Why are you
• 31:33
  trying to disrupt that? Why? I know why? Because you're miserable and
• 31:42
  you want everyone else around you to be miserable. So guess what, because
• 31:45
  you're miserable in your life, you're gonna make everyone else around you miserable.
• 31:48
  That's what That's what some of you women do the men. Some of y'all
• 31:52
  don't want to. Some of y'all don't don't want to take accountability for that.
• 31:56
  Some of y'all don't want to look in a mirror and say, you
• 31:57
  know what, maybe I maybe I do got issues that I need to work
• 32:00
  on. That's too much like right, because see a lot of you women
• 32:04
  don't like to apologize when you fuck up because you feel like you never do
• 32:08
  anything wrong? Uh huh, you do. I'm guilty of it. I
• 32:15
  owned that. Ashm says, I must be a hole because that's all I
• 32:21
  attract. Girl. I'm so sick of you. That's not true. Hey,
• 32:27
  never mind to see you. I love your baby. Oh, I
• 32:30
  love you. I miss you too, and tell not. I'm so proud
• 32:35
  of my little petty, my little petty baby. She's a senior, she's
• 32:37
  graduating. I'm so excited for her. So Ashon says, how did these
• 32:44
  good how did these bad women get these good men? Because they met they
• 32:47
  representative. Everyone has a representative. You're never you know what. Let me
• 32:55
  not say that. Let me not say that, because not all men are
• 32:59
  bad. They're not all women are bad. But you do have the women
• 33:01
  that know their ship, that perpetrate like they are just all this, wonderful
• 33:06
  women, all their this, their dad, they got it together, they're
• 33:09
  doing this. And then six months into the relationship, the mask comes off.
• 33:15
  We see your true colors and by this time feelings are involved, time
• 33:22
  has been invested. You have some men that walk away and say, you
• 33:24
  know a girl, I'm not gonna do this with you. And then you
• 33:27
  have some men that stay because they really do see the goodness in some of
• 33:30
  these women. And then two sist, you got some women. I mean,
• 33:36
  I'm sorry, you got men that like toxic women. That seems to
• 33:39
  be the new norm these days. It's toxic relationships. I'm not doing it.
• 33:45
  That's one thing I'm not doing. Baby. Let me tell you I'm
• 33:46
  not doing toxic relationships. I'm not doing it. I don't want no couples
• 33:52
  goals like people I see on social media. I don't want none of that
• 33:54
  ship. I remember when people were celebrating Will and Jada and look how that
• 33:58
  turned out. Okay, So I don't want my relationship to be like anybody
• 34:07
  else. I want my own. I want to make my I wanna set
• 34:09
  my own goals and my relationship. You know, I don't want a relationship
• 34:15
  like Denzel and Paul Lettah. I don't want no relationship like Samuel L.
• 34:21
  Jackson and his wife. I want to set my own relationship goals because I
• 34:24
  don't want to be like anybody else, because my relationship is not like everybody
• 34:28
  else. And I think if people get out of that box of trying to
• 34:30
  have a relationship like this person and that person, your relationship possibly could work
• 34:37
  because everything that looks good ain't always good. I mean, you don't know
• 34:44
  what goes on behind closed doors. Again, let me let me use Will
• 34:46
  and Jada for an example. Everyone was like, oh my god, they
• 34:50
  had the best relationship. I want a relationship like Will and Jada. And
• 34:53
  look how they happened. They had entanglements, they have an open marriage.
• 34:58
  I mean, come on, now, she's a NARSI assists she gassed like
• 35:00
  she manipulates. But sometimes also the women that men like, so you get
• 35:08
  what you give, You get what you get. Whatever you put out baby
• 35:13
  in the universe, that's what you're gonna get in return your she says.
• 35:16
  True story. Ashlett says, either they're bad too if you are what you
• 35:22
  attract, or the women aren't that bad at all. It could be a
• 35:24
  mix of both. It really could so. Ashle says, if they love
• 35:30
  toxic women, they're toxic too. Yes, and no, ash because that
• 35:38
  could be what they're used to. But I guess maybe that that is what
• 35:42
  you're saying. You know, maybe I am saying exactly what you're saying.
• 35:45
  That's what they're used to, that's what they're familiar with, that's what they're
• 35:47
  comfortable with. You know, maybe that's what they start growing up. And
• 35:51
  I'm speaking with on the men. Men have toxic mothers, you know.
• 35:58
  But then two you have some men that grew up with toxic mothers, that
• 36:01
  grew up with toxic women in their relationships that don't want women like that.
• 36:07
  But again, everyone has a representative. You always meet a representative. Give
• 36:13
  it about three months, six months, maybe a year, and then you
• 36:15
  find out the person's true colors and you realize, Lord, this person ain't
• 36:20
  who they told me they was. This person, you ain't who you told
• 36:22
  me you was a year ago. Again, everyone puts on up a side.
• 36:29
  They perpetrate like they're good, Oh, I'm this, I'm that six
• 36:34
  seven months into the relationship, like, come on, now, I love
• 36:39
  you too, my petty bit. Yes, I can't be petty at times,
• 36:44
  you know, I try not to be petty, but I really and
• 36:47
  tell her she's welcome. I'm so proud of her, she's so beautiful.
• 36:51
  And I promise when she graduates, I'm coming. I promise that'll be the
• 36:53
  only time I come to Mississippi when she walks across the stage, so I'll
• 36:59
  be there. But no, but really, though, but on a cool
• 37:05
  This is another thing I don't understand. You say you won't him, but
• 37:09
  you're treat him like shit. How you got a man that met you with
• 37:22
  two or three children by two or three different men that came in not only
• 37:30
  loved you, but embraced your children, and you're dog him out. I
• 37:39
  look at Future Sierra and Russell Wilson. I look at that. I look
• 37:45
  at that situation. Sierra met Future when Future was dealing with his other baby
• 37:52
  mama. They got engaged, had a baby, he cheated, they broke
• 38:00
  up, she went on, took time for herself. Now she's married with
• 38:05
  three children and another one on the way. Y'all dog the y'all love the
• 38:15
  men that mistreat you, but you're dog the ones they treat you like woens.
• 38:24
  And I never understood that. And then you wonder why when we get
• 38:34
  with these men, these men are they're messed up because you've destroyed him because
• 38:40
  not only have you disrespected, but you belittled him. You've made this man
• 38:49
  feel like he's this big. And then when he finally does walk away and
• 38:57
  he runs into a good woman, he mistreats her because he's carried what you've
• 39:01
  done to him, and he's treating the next woman the same way. She
• 39:07
  better know it. I'm coming, hay, my baby have my hands from
• 39:14
  husband soon to be? Can I say that it's a safe for me to
• 39:17
  say, I love you, bet, I hope you're having a good night
• 39:22
  at work? Though, really so, as he says self accountability on the
• 39:24
  man's part, because why would you deal with that? I understand he could
• 39:29
  be used to that, but so could she. So let me say this
• 39:35
  this. You have more men that take accountability than you do women, because
• 39:43
  women don't ever feel like they've done that, like women feel like and not
• 39:46
  let me not say, oh, but some women feel like they never do
• 39:49
  anything wrong. It's so hard for a woman to apologize when she messes up.
• 39:55
  You have men that own up to the things that they do, but
• 39:59
  when we won't do it, we're hard head, we're stubborn. It's too
• 40:06
  much like right to say I'm starting to apologize when you messed up. We
• 40:09
  won't do that, And that part I don't understand. So we can't say
• 40:21
  what men don't do. Let's address what women don't do, because some when
• 40:25
  you women don't take accountability for the things that you do. Some of y'all
• 40:30
  don't like to listen. Some of y'all keep saying, I want to save
• 40:37
  space, I want to save space, and then when you get a saved
• 40:43
  space, you're ruining it. You're messed it up because that man tries to
• 40:50
  communicate with you, He tries to sit down and talk to you, but
• 40:55
  you don't want to have You don't want to talk to him. So Ashley
• 41:01
  says, but how did this damage man attract a good woman? Wouldn't he
• 41:06
  attract another damaged person, because that's saying would need to go for both parties.
• 41:10
  Again, everyone has a representative. You don't know how a person really
• 41:17
  truly is until and this is just me, maybe six months is when a
• 41:25
  person really and it might be less than that. It shit. You might
• 41:30
  find out how they are in the first sixty days. You might find out
• 41:31
  how they are in the first thirty days. But again, does everyone that
• 41:38
  presents themselves do they show themselves to you damaged or do they look like they
• 41:44
  have it all together? That's the question. Everyone has a representative. Everyone
• 41:52
  puts on up a side ask Let's say, if she's twirling multiple baby that
• 42:00
  it's et cetera, then you know you say it's working. Its working both
• 42:05
  of a baby. That no, And I'm gonna give you some pushback on
• 42:08
  that one because I had three children by three different men. And you know
• 42:14
  what, let me retract that statement because I was damaged. But you know
• 42:19
  what, but when I got when I got in my current relationship, I
• 42:23
  was healing. I was healing. Let me say that I was on my
• 42:27
  journey to healing. I was on my journey to fixing myself. But again,
• 42:31
  you have people that you don't never people never present themselves like they're damage.
• 42:37
  People never present themselves like they're carrying emotional trauma. People never dropped these
• 42:42
  two cases off to you in the beginning, do they You meet them and
• 42:45
  you're like, oh my god, she's so nice. Oh my god,
• 42:47
  he's so nice. Oh he opened the door for me. Oh he did
• 42:51
  this for me. Same way with men. Man I met this check man,
• 42:54
  we had man, we really vibe, we had beautiful conversation. And
• 43:01
  then it's like a flip, a switch goes off and you're not even dealing
• 43:07
  with a person that you met in the beginning. You're like, gonna they
• 43:09
  wait a minute, wait until just nice attractive woman that I met that had
• 43:15
  great conversation. We fived out. You know, she she's this ship is
• 43:21
  that? But here we are six months down. Make you know what,
• 43:24
  let me say here we are three months down, and she's nasty, she's
• 43:32
  selfish, she's got a nasty attitude. You don't meet those You don't meet
• 43:40
  those type of people in the beginning. Again, people don't present themselves to
• 43:45
  you. Damaged people present themselves to you in a night a nine cut,
• 43:52
  tipping a box with a white boat wrapped around. That's how people present themselves
• 43:55
  to you. So you don't know that person is so, Ashley says,
• 44:04
  Honestly, I see red flash right away. But I'm trying not to be
• 44:07
  so judgmental because then you have to hear. Black women don't stand beside their
• 44:10
  man. We don't build them up, et cetera. Some of y'all don't.
• 44:15
  Some of y'all don't. And I'm glad you've said that. Call up
• 44:17
  as let me play this video real quick. I'm so glad you've said that.
• 44:22
  Oh let me let me let me play this real quick for y'all.
• 44:29
  And then I want, I want to pick back up on your comment.
• 44:30
  Ash I'm stay right, don't go nowhere. Let me play this real Let
• 44:35
  me play this video real quick, because I'm so glad you've said that.
• 44:38
  Uh. And then I want to get back into this hold on. I
• 44:43
  really don't know how to have conversations. Then I have an international conversation.
• 44:46
  I want to talk about you know what, I smell a little value woman
• 44:51
  and you know what makes me laugh about women like this? You think that
• 44:54
  it's dumb and boring. Oh my god, I wanna listen to that.
• 44:57
  I want to talk about something more important. A man's trum mama, and
• 45:00
  things that he's been through in his life are very important to understand because you
• 45:04
  realize why he is the way he is and what molded him this way.
• 45:07
  I want to know everything about my man, good or bad, so I
• 45:08
  can learn to try to love him and be the best partner that I can
• 45:12
  be. But I'm starting to see why men think women are for the streets.
• 45:15
  And it's true, a lot of women don't really care about man.
• 45:17
  Y'all don't care about him. You don't want to use them for their money,
• 45:20
  you don't want to take, take, take, there's nothing you give
• 45:22
  an offer. And I'm so glad that a lot of men in this generation
• 45:25
  are realizing that y'are kings. Man, if you have a girl who doesn't
• 45:29
  care and value about your past or care about you to listen to you enough,
• 45:34
  just leave. Man. It's I'd rather be single than to be with
• 45:37
  somebody like these women low value by Suha trash. Y'are kings don't listen to
• 45:40
  this shit. And the only reason I played that clip is because it goes
• 45:49
  back to the camera that you may ash let me, let me pull it
• 45:51
  back up and give me one sick when you say, honestly, I see
• 46:00
  red flags right away. But I'm trying not to be so judgmental because then
• 46:02
  you have to hear. Black women don't stand beside their men. We don't
• 46:06
  build them up, et cetera. Some of y'all women don't because some of
• 46:13
  y'all women don't even take the time to learn your partner. That's a problem.
• 46:23
  You have men out here that really want to communicate and sit down and
• 46:32
  they want you to know about them, But some of you women aren't interesting.
• 46:36
  Like she said, men won't a partner. Men want their person.
• 46:47
  Men want women that really truly want to know them, that want to love
• 46:52
  them genuinely, and that could reciprocate what they're giving. But you have some
• 47:02
  women that are just like the women she described, that really truly want to
• 47:07
  be for the streets. So some of these women don't stand by their men.
• 47:21
  You got a man that goes out and fights in the world every day.
• 47:27
  Black men just like black women, we go through the same but black
• 47:30
  men have it harder. I'm not saying we as black women don't, but
• 47:35
  black men do. Do you think that man wants to be out on the
• 47:40
  street, fighting in the world and then come home and have to fight with
• 47:43
  you. No same way with a woman. I don't want to deal with
• 47:53
  the foolishness in the street and then gotta come home and tackle the bullshit in
• 47:58
  my relationship. Your spouse, your partner, your girlfriend, whatever y'all call
• 48:07
  each other, boyfriend, I don't know, whatever you call each other.
• 48:10
  Y'all are supposed to be each other's safe space. That is supposed to be
• 48:16
  your sanctuary that you too build together. That's what your home is supposed to
• 48:25
  be. That's the safe space for both of y'all. That's when you come
• 48:30
  home and you'll leave whatever happened outside those doors, outside those doors, because
• 48:34
  when you come home, it should be peace. That's what it should be.
• 48:43
  But some of you women are too selfish to even build anything like that
• 48:50
  because that means you would have to be submissive, And a lot of you
• 48:55
  women take submission to it, y'all take it completely out of context. Some
• 49:02
  of y'all don't even know what submission really true it means. But you say,
• 49:09
  oh, I'm gonna submit. I want a man to lead me.
• 49:13
  How and you're trying to be the man and a woman in a relationship.
• 49:22
  Make it make sense. You want to you want to wear the panis and
• 49:30
  the pans. It's okay, ladies, when you have a man that is
• 49:39
  leading you in the right direction, when you have a man that's satisfying you
• 49:47
  not just emotionally, but mentally, spiritually, and physically, because the physical
• 49:52
  is a bonus, like like my baby thing, the physical is a bonus.
• 49:58
  You got all that in this man, But you still choose to treat
• 50:02
  him like he ship. You still choose to treat him like each yesterday's trash.
• 50:13
  Why I'm really still trying to honestly understand that. How do y'all get
• 50:21
  these good men? And y'all dog him out? But your whole you're no
• 50:29
  good, baby, daddy up to the highest of high standards. At what
• 50:36
  point do you grow? I see a lot of I see a lot of
• 50:37
  women that drugs. See Ever, because see Ever upgraded. Nobody wants to
• 50:45
  be in toxicity the rest of their life. That's a miserable way to live.
• 50:51
  Life is too short for miss to be in miser in company and miserable
• 50:55
  people. See Era upgrade. She knew what she not only wanted for her,
• 51:00
  but she knew what she wanted for her child. And it's cool to
• 51:07
  upgrade because guess what, you grow, you're mature and you start to see
• 51:12
  things differently. Some of y'all women in your mid thirties and still trying to
• 51:17
  act like you twenty one years old, still lying to men, still manipulating,
• 51:25
  still gaslight. This is what you this is what you do? Asked
• 51:34
  to say, Sierra upgraded and men. Women, Oh no, baby,
• 51:36
  I saw some women too. I saw some women too, sists. I'm
• 51:39
  gonna I'm gonna have to get ye little pushback on that. But because I
• 51:43
  saw some women too, I saw some women too old she with that old
• 51:47
  sucker ass dude. And then yes, I've seen women. I saw some
• 51:52
  comments from women that drug Sierra he a sweat or what I've seen it.
• 52:04
  And I actually spoke on the men that drugs Sierra two. I'll tell you
• 52:09
  in that episode. I actually talked about that so base as men and women
• 52:15
  got to open up from the beginning the way you could start off establishing trust
• 52:20
  and trust. If the person person don't like who you said you are,
• 52:22
  then you can move on knowing he was, knowing you was honest from the
• 52:27
  beginning. They I don't understand what you see. I'm slum h so Ashley
• 52:37
  says, I didn't see not one woman. I'd have to see it to
• 52:40
  believe you. Sorry, I can go to his post and all the black
• 52:45
  men calling him a simple I go. I have to go back through my
• 52:47
  Instagram and some of my Twitter, some of my tweets, and I saw
• 52:53
  women were talking about Sierra two so as he it says, she agrees with
• 53:01
  you, bab, she agrees with you. Uh all right, Anyway,
• 53:12
  I don't know what's going on, don't know why I keep getting stuck like
• 53:14
  I'm trying to stop the move the comments and put the banners. But I
• 53:17
  don't know. I don't know it's stripping in that But anyway, but we're
• 53:21
  still gonna get going. But yeah, but I go back. I have
• 53:23
  to dig because that's old. That was like last year, I want to
• 53:27
  say, maybe year before last. And I saw women that talked about her.
• 53:31
  Yeah, I know the men were calling him a self. But nobody
• 53:36
  wants to live like that for the rest of the day life. Nobody wants
• 53:37
  to live like that. Again, nobody wants to live and be miserable.
• 53:40
  No one, Like I said, life is too short. People are people
• 53:44
  are checking out left and right every day, and I don't want to live
• 53:46
  the rest of my life miserable. I'm gonna be happy whether I'm in a
• 53:51
  relationship, whether I'm single. I'm gonna be happy by enemies necessary, like
• 53:54
  Malcolm X. By enemies necessary, I'm gonna be happy. He gave you
• 54:00
  the thumbs up, Ash, he gave it a thumbs up. But again,
• 54:08
  I just I never understood. And then I see it's this one girl.
• 54:17
  I can't think of it, like they go on tour and they do
• 54:20
  these little shows or whatever. I can't think if one of y'all help me
• 54:22
  out in the comments. But she said, I'm gonna see if a man
• 54:30
  really likes me I'm gonna call him and tell him my car broke down,
• 54:35
  just to see if he'll come, just to test and see if he likes
• 54:37
  me. Why must you do all of that? If a man really truly
• 54:45
  likes you, he's gonna show up. Why must you lie? I wish
• 54:50
  I had found that video. I wish I had found it and played it,
• 54:53
  But so many women applauded her for saying that. For lie, So
• 55:00
  you're gonna lie to see if a man really likes you. So you're gonna
• 55:05
  use manipulative tactics to see if this man really likes you. Who does they
• 55:12
  like? Row up? But I don't know. But here's another video that
• 55:19
  I found. I want to know your thoughts. Do y'all agree with what
• 55:25
  this man is saying? Or do y'all disagree? Here we go, and
• 55:29
  then we're gonna jump back into the conversation. Here we go. Women have
• 55:32
  to understand this. Y'all are hard headed, and women don't listen. Some
• 55:38
  sorry likewise statements, very likewise statements. No, but it does not matter.
• 55:47
  What I'm trying to say is she had eight filed relationships. You're not
• 55:52
  gonna sit here and convince me that it was not a safe space. And
• 55:55
  guys don't like to talk. No, they're talking. She's not being receptive,
• 56:00
  right, everybody talks in different ways. If you have eight those relationships,
• 56:04
  you don't know how to listen. You do not know how to take
• 56:07
  direction. And direction is not like I don't want to put that in a
• 56:10
  submissive aspect, but taking direction like maybe, hey, you know what you
• 56:15
  need to just do this just this way, so then that way you get
• 56:16
  further in your life. And guess what, maybe she doesn't listen in that
• 56:20
  regards. Hey, if you want for me and you to be better,
• 56:22
  I need you to do this, so then I could give you that.
• 56:25
  Maybe she's not listening in that regard. So what are your thoughts on it?
• 56:32
  Do y'all agree or do you disagree? I want to know how do
• 56:37
  y'all feel about that? Do you feel like weism and we don't listen?
• 56:42
  Are we hard at it? Because I think to a certain degree we are.
• 56:49
  I think we are to a certain degree. You know, you could
• 56:52
  ask I don't know how big Daddy is still I don't know what Big Daddy
• 56:57
  is still here, but ask less as she disagrees, I don't know what
• 57:01
  Big Daddy is still here. But Bay, if you still here, what
• 57:05
  do you think? Do you think we're hard handed? Because I I can't
• 57:07
  be at times? You know, I will say it took me a while,
• 57:15
  you know, and here we are, what almost two years? We're
• 57:17
  two years in a little over two years, and and it took me a
• 57:22
  while two uh to adjust or change. I guess you could stay. Oh,
• 57:34
  because one thing I can say, he we were learning from each other.
• 57:37
  We've learned as listen, as I listen, see where it goes.
• 57:46
  But once I see I can't listen to you, I'm done. But why
• 57:52
  why why do you feel like you can't listen? If you have it?
• 57:59
  Okay, so let me add this is so if you have a man that
• 58:05
  is pushing you in a direction of growth, for you to excel, for
• 58:10
  you the best that you to be, the best that you can be,
• 58:15
  why is this so hard to listen? She said? Because my plan is
• 58:21
  always better? How do you know that? How do you feel like your
• 58:25
  plan is always better? It's the question because it's okay to get insight from
• 58:38
  your part. It's okay. I'm not saying, oh, you gotta listen
• 58:45
  to everything that they tell you, but it's cool to have another up,
• 58:52
  not really an opinion. Do I really want to say opinion? I don't
• 58:54
  want to say opinion, but another idea, another thought. I guess maybe
• 58:59
  it's a word I'm trying to say, and that's okay. It's okay.
• 59:05
  Input. That's the word I'm trying to say. Input. Y'all. It's
• 59:07
  cool to get input from your spouse because what your spouse might be saying,
• 59:15
  maybe excuse me a better idea. I don't know, But don't shut all
• 59:22
  the way down and just automatically assume social says because I'm smarter, honestly than
• 59:30
  going back to damage men and having to heal you, etceter. Now I'm
• 59:36
  looking like, what can you teach me after I had to pull you out
• 59:37
  of the pits of hell? The fuck? But when it comes to relationships,
• 59:45
  you're not gonna meet a person that's not law. You're not gonna meet
• 59:49
  a person that doesn't have some type of thing that is not damage. You're
• 59:53
  not gonna meet one person that doesn't have baggage. The question is are you
• 1:00:00
  willing to help him unpack those bags? That's the million dollar questions. See
• 1:00:05
  a lot of women, y'all, don't stay around for that, because just
• 1:00:09
  because it doesn't look good right now doesn't mean it's not gonna get pretty a
• 1:00:13
  later. And that's the problem right there. If y'all aren't willing, some
• 1:00:23
  of you women, y'all wanna go, y'all keep saying, Oh, I'm
• 1:00:28
  down, I'm down, I'm down. I got it. But when it
• 1:00:30
  gets when it's time to get down in the trenches, y'all run, y'all
• 1:00:36
  run at the first sign of trouble. You women run the moment something doesn't
• 1:00:40
  go your way, you're ready to run. I'm guilty of it. I'm
• 1:00:45
  guilty of that. The moment one little thing doesn't go the way I want
• 1:00:51
  to, I'm done. I'm ready to break up with him, she's says,
• 1:01:00
  because once he's healed, he's looking for better. Now, most men
• 1:01:01
  are always looking for better. But how do you know he hasn't found better?
• 1:01:06
  See if you're not saying, if you're running at the first sign of
• 1:01:09
  the war, how do you know you're not better? She says at this
• 1:01:20
  age, yes, because I don't have another twelve years to waste on not
• 1:01:22
  a soul. By how are you going to know if that's the one for
• 1:01:27
  you? If you don't go through the up if you don't go through the
• 1:01:30
  bad times to get to the good times, because every every second of that
• 1:01:34
  relationship is not gonna be a good time. You're gonna have those bad times.
• 1:01:37
  So let me ask you, so every time it gets bad, are
• 1:01:42
  you gonna run? And then you say, men don't know when they have
• 1:01:45
  better. Women don't know when they have better. Women don't know because some
• 1:01:52
  of you women come in with the trauma and the baggage and the bullshit and
• 1:01:57
  the foolery. Some of y'all women bring that into the relationship. But again,
• 1:02:02
  the moment ship gets thick, y'all are ready to go. But you
• 1:02:07
  got a man that's willing to stand in the war and in the rain with
• 1:02:09
  you. But you're not willing to put out the umbrella the ship to shut
• 1:02:13
  in from the rain. Though, how does that work? You'll you'll never
• 1:02:21
  know until you get into the thick over and a lot of you women run
• 1:02:27
  from that. When I get too thick, you're ready to go, You're
• 1:02:30
  ready to run for the hills. How are you going to know if he's
• 1:02:37
  good, if he's if he's good for you? If you run every time
• 1:02:40
  it gets thick every time I get too hot in the kitchen. If you
• 1:02:52
  can't stand in the bad, then you can't. You don't deserve to be
• 1:02:54
  with him in the good. And I'm just keep it on, honey.
• 1:03:00
  If you run every time that stove gets too hot for you to touch,
• 1:03:06
  then maybe you need to be by yourself. Maybe you need to have a
• 1:03:08
  house full of cats. I don't know, Maybe you need to get some
• 1:03:10
  birds something. I don't know, but I'm saying this to all women.
• 1:03:22
  You don't want to rope. You want to be there in the good,
• 1:03:24
  but you never want to be there in the bad. She says, I'm
• 1:03:35
  not staying around. Sorry, I can't do it anymore. So let me
• 1:03:39
  ask you this. So do you really want to be in a room?
• 1:03:42
  Do you want to be if it's not too personal, let me know if
• 1:03:45
  it's too personal. Do you want to be in a relationship? Are you
• 1:03:47
  ready to settle down with that one person? I guess that's the question for
• 1:03:52
  all the women that may feel and think the way to ask it? Does?
• 1:04:00
  She says. Men don't know when they have better. Women don't know
• 1:04:02
  when they have better. She says, they need to get someone else to
• 1:04:06
  build them up and do the job their mother shouldn't mother should have done.
• 1:04:13
  But we could said that about you women. You need to find a man
• 1:04:18
  that's gonna build you up and do the job that your mom's and your dads
• 1:04:21
  didn't do, because a lot of you women out here looking for men for
• 1:04:28
  convenience, and like she said, a lot of y'all women want men that
• 1:04:34
  can give, give, give, give gifts. So all you do is
• 1:04:38
  take, take, take, take, take, but you're not giving anything
• 1:04:41
  in return. This man is pouring into you. This man is doing a
• 1:04:44
  B, C, D, E F G for you, but you're only
• 1:04:46
  giving him A and B. And then when you get in your feelings and
• 1:04:54
  he doesn't do what you want him to do, then it's, oh,
• 1:04:57
  he can't have no set. We can't have set no more. Y'all start
• 1:05:00
  withholding sex. Y'all start doing this manipulative shit, and then you wonder why
• 1:05:06
  you're by yourself, because these are the manipulative tactics that you've seen growing out
• 1:05:13
  you specifically. I'm speaking overall in general, so don't feel like I'm directing
• 1:05:15
  this at you, but a lot of you women mimit with your mom's.
• 1:05:20
  Do the apple don't fall too far from the truth. And what I don't
• 1:05:29
  understand is women say, oh, he need to get someone, they can
• 1:05:32
  build him up. But y'all want a man to build you up. You
• 1:05:35
  want a man to come in and take care of not you, but two
• 1:05:39
  or three, four, five, six children that do not even belong to
• 1:05:42
  him. But the moment he gets stick, you're ready to run for the
• 1:05:45
  hills. How does that work? That's a million dollar question. Again.
• 1:05:55
  Everyone says they're ready for a relationship, they want to get married, or
• 1:05:59
  they want to do this, they want to do that, but no one
• 1:06:01
  is willing to put in the work to make it work. Everybody want to
• 1:06:05
  be in the good times, but everybody want to where I want to get
• 1:06:08
  bad. Let me tell you something. So as she says, I have
• 1:06:15
  to stop looking for a man like my father because they are gone. Unfortunately,
• 1:06:18
  and that's the problem. We're so busy trying to reciprocate the type of
• 1:06:26
  fathers we had or the type of mothers we had. And that goes both
• 1:06:30
  ways. Men and women. We both do it. But more so you
• 1:06:34
  have women that want men just like their dad. They don't make men like
• 1:06:39
  that no more. Well, you know what, let me not say that.
• 1:06:43
  Let me not say that. Let me retract that statement, because there
• 1:06:45
  are some men out here that do still take care of the home, that
• 1:06:51
  do still provide, that do still show up. There are men out here
• 1:06:57
  like that. You just have to figure out what's going on with you that
• 1:07:00
  keeps attracting men that ain't like that, because there are still some men out
• 1:07:04
  here that are built up like that. There are still some. So we
• 1:07:09
  can't so one thing I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you some pushback on
• 1:07:13
  that one, because we cannot say ever man that we've encountered is bad.
• 1:07:20
  No, let me fix that. We can't assume that all men out here
• 1:07:25
  are the Saint, is what I'm trying to say. I had to,
• 1:07:28
  I had to go back and retract that because you do still have some good
• 1:07:31
  men out here. You just have to stop looking, and you have to
• 1:07:36
  wait and be patient and allow God to send the man that he designed for
• 1:07:43
  you to come your weight, because there are still men out here like that.
• 1:07:47
  If I could just brad for just one moment, I have one.
• 1:07:54
  I have a man that I wasn't good to him at the beginning. You
• 1:08:00
  know, we were friends in the very beginning, before we even decided to
• 1:08:02
  be in a relationship. I figure I had to figure him out. He
• 1:08:06
  had to figure me out, and I had to make a decision. It's
• 1:08:10
  just the man that I want to be with. Am I willing to accept
• 1:08:12
  a man that is in the midst of a divorce? I had to figure
• 1:08:17
  that out. So Ashley says, where they at? How long do we
• 1:08:25
  need to stay around and build them up to see if they are great men?
• 1:08:29
  Sometimes it doesn't take long, but there's no time limit because we're all
• 1:08:34
  a work in progress. But if you are in a relationship and you feel
• 1:08:42
  that it's not going in the direction that was discussed maybe in the beginning,
• 1:08:51
  let me let me let me back up real quick. Let me say this,
• 1:08:55
  Conversations need to be had. In the beginning. You need to pick
• 1:08:58
  a person's brain. You need to pick that man's brain. That man needs
• 1:09:00
  to pick your brain because if you're reading on one page of the book and
• 1:09:04
  he's on another page of the book, it's not gonna work. It's not
• 1:09:09
  gonna work. But those conversations need to be had. Communication is key when
• 1:09:15
  it comes to relationships. You have some women that ain't willing, that ain't
• 1:09:19
  ready to sit down and have those grown up conversations. You have some women
• 1:09:25
  that are just like you have some men that are ready to sit down and
• 1:09:28
  have these growing up conversations, and then you have men that ain't that still
• 1:09:30
  want to play like they're twelve years old. But communication is key. Conversations
• 1:09:41
  need to be had, things need to be established. What is the what
• 1:09:45
  is the goal? But it's relationship. What are we doing? Are we
• 1:09:49
  playing house? Are we gonna build a house? What are we doing?
• 1:09:57
  Because I've heard men say they within six months if this is who they want
• 1:10:01
  to build with, or if this is not who they want to build with,
• 1:10:03
  if this is someone they just and again I'm not a man, so
• 1:10:08
  I don't know. And I'm not saying weight around five, six, seven,
• 1:10:15
  eight, nineteen years, I'm not saying that. But conversations need to
• 1:10:20
  be had from both parties. If he's not speaking the language that you're speaking,
• 1:10:28
  or you're not speaking the language that he's speaking, then just be friends,
• 1:10:35
  so she says, And I don't have that time to waste. Come
• 1:10:38
  here like I am, build yourself up like I had to self accountability.
• 1:10:42
  I'm not asking no one to heal me. But how many men, have
• 1:10:45
  you dealt with ash that we're already here? Because not everyone is gonna come
• 1:10:51
  here. Not everyone is gonna come perfect. Every person in this world has
• 1:11:00
  laws. Not everyone is coming with no badge. So I really think that's
• 1:11:09
  a little far fetched to say come healed like you all. That's just like
• 1:11:15
  saying, if I buy a house, let it already have the furniture in
• 1:11:19
  it. That like, that's pretty much what you're saying is I want a
• 1:11:30
  house with the furniture already in it. I don't want to build a house.
• 1:11:32
  I want the house already built, with the furniture already in it.
• 1:11:36
  You have to be willing, and you have to know who is for you
• 1:11:41
  and who's not for you, because again, good relationships don't come overnight.
• 1:11:48
  They take work. And if you're not willing to put in the work,
• 1:11:55
  then I don't know what to take your baby. I don't know what to
• 1:12:00
  tell you, sir, because you're not gonna find all that in one person.
• 1:12:10
  You're gonna find the person that may still be dealing with some emotional trauma.
• 1:12:15
  You may have a person that may still have some baggage that they need
• 1:12:21
  to work through. In sight for through, it's all about finding that right
• 1:12:28
  person that wants to build with you, or you finding the right person that
• 1:12:30
  wants that you want to build with Because again, good relationships don't come overnight.
• 1:12:36
  Good marriages don't come overnight. You got to put it in the word,
• 1:12:40
  the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent. You gotta
• 1:12:43
  be willing to stand in the middle of the storm when it's when it gets
• 1:12:46
  too thick, when it starts lightning and thundering. You gotta be willing to
• 1:12:50
  stand in that because you can't say you want a man to come this way
• 1:12:59
  if you're not bringing that. You can't build a table. If all you
• 1:13:04
  bringing this plastic cups in plastic silverware. It's a team ffa baby. You
• 1:13:13
  got to put in the work what they say, team work, make the
• 1:13:15
  dream work. So she says yeah, Ashley says, yeah, come health.
• 1:13:24
  I'm not getting in no relationship and putting my problems on them. All
• 1:13:27
  you doing is damaging someone else. No, you're not, because you may
• 1:13:30
  have someone that may come in and help alleviate that lord that you've been carried.
• 1:13:39
  Because I can stay And again I can only speak for me because when
• 1:13:45
  I met the guy that I'm with right now, I had just lost my
• 1:13:48
  father. I met I had lost my father and met in March of twenty
• 1:13:54
  twenty one. I met the guy that I'm with now in June or twenty
• 1:13:59
  twenty one. I was still healing. I still had some trauma that I
• 1:14:04
  needed to work through. And he came in and I put all this out
• 1:14:10
  on the table. I told him what it was. I told him,
• 1:14:13
  you know what, how my life was. I gave him a whole rundown,
• 1:14:16
  and he still chose me. He came in to help alleviate the problems,
• 1:14:21
  to help me know, not have to carry the lord by myself,
• 1:14:26
  because yes, those lords do get happy. But when you got a person
• 1:14:30
  that comes in to help alleviate, not fixed, but alleviate, because those
• 1:14:40
  are things that y'all could work through together. But again, some of y'all
• 1:14:45
  women ain't willing to put in the work. Some of y'all keep saying,
• 1:14:46
  oh, I want this and this and this. You come with these expectations,
• 1:14:57
  but you're not giving him that in return. That's the thing y'all gotta
• 1:15:05
  stop expecting you and other people again, some people come in to enhance your
• 1:15:13
  life. Some people come in to drag you down. You have to learn
• 1:15:16
  how to be able to decipher between the two. Who's there to uplift,
• 1:15:20
  encourage and empower and who's there to take you down? Time ain on nobody's
• 1:15:28
  side, baby, it ain't nobody's. It ain't on nobody. It ain't
• 1:15:30
  nobody, friend, it ain't nobody's side. Should say, if we should
• 1:15:38
  heal them, et cetera, then what's dip? What's and different than the
• 1:15:45
  man who is with a bad woman. Maybe he's healing her, maybe he's
• 1:15:48
  bracing her, store with her, maybe she won't be the same person next
• 1:15:54
  year. Why is it good for men but not for women? Who said
• 1:15:58
  it wasn't good for women. I'm trying to disciple what you're said. Uh,
• 1:16:11
  but again you're deflecting. You're deflecting because I'm I'm talking to the Why
• 1:16:19
  let me go back? No one's asking okay, so let me say this.
• 1:16:27
  No one is asking you to heal a man, but you're not gonna
• 1:16:30
  meet him. And I'm gonna tell you up off top, you're not gonna
• 1:16:34
  meet a man that doesn't have some type of flaw. Period. No man
• 1:16:44
  or woman out here is perfect white, black, purple, green, yellow
• 1:16:47
  zebra stripe with polka dots. No one here is perfect again. Everyone is
• 1:16:53
  coming with some type of baggage, whether it's big bags or little bags.
• 1:16:59
  You just I could be willing to get down in the trenches. We want
• 1:17:06
  to We want to bring value, and it goes both ways. We want
• 1:17:13
  a man to enhance, just like women want men want a woman to enhance.
• 1:17:20
  I'm sick of her shit talking about I'm perfect and I'm looking for a
• 1:17:24
  perfection. Girl, give me your phone. But you're not gonna find perfection
• 1:17:30
  everything that you want or looking for with a man. You're not gonna find
• 1:17:33
  all those qualities in one man. It might be one or two things that
• 1:17:40
  you know what I'm saying. I've had people tell me, actually, why
• 1:17:46
  why are you involved with a man that's going through a divorce. He's the
• 1:17:53
  vorce now let me let me for the record. He's divorced. But when
• 1:17:57
  I met him, he was going through a divorce. But again, in
• 1:18:00
  the beginning, me and him, we were friends. I knew his situation,
• 1:18:05
  he knew my situation. When I met him, I had just lost
• 1:18:08
  my daddy. Then a month, maybe not even a month after I met
• 1:18:13
  him, my niece was was murdered. Well, her body was found.
• 1:18:16
  Let me say that. So I'm dealing with all of this, mend mend
• 1:18:23
  in the relationship with my children, trying to have a better relationship with my
• 1:18:27
  mother. All this was in the beginning. All this I laid out on
• 1:18:30
  the table like a deck of cards. You either can choose to deal with
• 1:18:33
  it or you can walk away. Now you can throw your cards in and
• 1:18:38
  to be no love lost. But apparently he saw the potential and wanted to
• 1:18:45
  help alleviate. Did he understand in the beginning, Absolutely not, because he
• 1:18:51
  still has his mom and dad. So he chose. And here we are
• 1:19:00
  two years later, soon to be married. So it's all about who you're
• 1:19:10
  willing to work with and who you're willing to let go. Because I knew
• 1:19:18
  he was flawed, I knew he was broken. I knew he still had
• 1:19:23
  issues he had to deal with. I chose. I chose. What's he
• 1:19:29
  my type? Absolutely number one. He's six three, he's two hundred and
• 1:19:34
  sixty pounds, and he's from California, so yes, lord h and he's
• 1:19:40
  and then he's very handsome. But he's different. Let me say that he's
• 1:19:45
  I call him a little weirdo. Let me say that he's he's he's a
• 1:19:47
  weirdo because California people are weird. Let me say that, And I don't
• 1:19:53
  mean that in a bad way, because California people are weird. Baby,
• 1:19:56
  they they totally different. But his per personality is really what attracted me to
• 1:20:01
  him. In the conversations we would have. You know, he opened me
• 1:20:04
  up to uh being able to apologize when I was wrong. He and a
• 1:20:12
  round the Bible. He I'm a Sagittarius like Lauren London. Let me see
• 1:20:15
  that. Let me say that, I'm a sa Me and Lauren London are
• 1:20:19
  sagittariust so we have big Sagittarius energy. Okay, very very very big energy.
• 1:20:26
  So when I'm at a thousand, it's almost like he's the calm to
• 1:20:31
  my storm. He's the one that comes in. Is like, I M
• 1:20:36
  I need you to take it down. She says. I think I may
• 1:20:40
  need to look outside of my absolutely because you'll be surprised. Because I wanted
• 1:20:46
  I wanted a man that was that was over six feet and I like him
• 1:20:49
  big. I no shade to to slim in, but I like him big.
• 1:20:57
  She said, I'm a virgo. I it's all at I probably no
• 1:21:00
  you're not. Because one of my closest friends who's from Louisiana, she's a
• 1:21:03
  Burgo and that's my baby. I love us so much. That's my girl.
• 1:21:06
  But you're my girl too. Shit, stop playing, but no,
• 1:21:11
  but really, you know, he was from California. He's this big dude,
• 1:21:17
  you know, he boy. You know, he's been married, he's
• 1:21:20
  got three kids. He's you know, a grandfather times two now. And
• 1:21:27
  I was just kind like, I don't know, you know, but he
• 1:21:29
  was cool. Like the conversations we would have were amazing, Like we could
• 1:21:33
  talk about anything, and we would talk on the phone for hours. I'm
• 1:21:36
  talking about we like teenagers. We would be on the phone six seven o'clock
• 1:21:40
  in the morning and I'd be like, all right, I'm going to bed,
• 1:21:44
  or we go to sleep on the phone. Then we get up and
• 1:21:47
  we do it all over again, talk five, six, seven, eight,
• 1:21:49
  nine, ten. I was just about everything. He was my type.
• 1:21:56
  But he was different, you know when I tell him all the time,
• 1:21:58
  like, you're not I'm used to dealing with. But as I really
• 1:22:04
  got to know him and I got to pull, you know, the the
• 1:22:10
  weeds out of the garden. There were things about him that I didn't like.
• 1:22:13
  I was just kind of like, okay, because he's the type of
• 1:22:18
  person where if I'm at a thousand, he's at zero, and he'll sit
• 1:22:28
  in he'll let me yell and scream and he will not yell back. Now
• 1:22:30
  he'll hang up on me and I'll call back and he won't answer, and
• 1:22:35
  then he'll text. Then he'll say you you you're good. Now you calm
• 1:22:38
  down. That's the type of person he is. And he's an Aquarius.
• 1:22:42
  Okay, he's the February Aquarius. But no, but but really thought,
• 1:22:47
  but since you just and I'm not saying, relax your standards, so let
• 1:22:56
  me let me, let me let me say that. And then he's older
• 1:23:00
  than me. You know, I'm forty four, he's fifty one, So
• 1:23:04
  he's older. And I'm not saying age makes a difference, because baby,
• 1:23:09
  you find old fools just like you find young fools. Baby, she says,
• 1:23:14
  what you have is where it's not common. Yeah, it's it's different,
• 1:23:18
  and it's different from me. You know, he's not a Hollywood type
• 1:23:23
  dude, Like he doesn't he doesn't have to be on social media all the
• 1:23:27
  time, just like you have some men that you know that have there with
• 1:23:31
  women that they just love to be on social media, they have to be
• 1:23:34
  seen. He's not that person, you know. That's why it took me
• 1:23:40
  about a year and a half before y'all even saw his face, because he's
• 1:23:45
  like, you know, I'm not in the social media like that or whatever.
• 1:23:47
  You know. So he's very rare and I love everything about him.
• 1:23:51
  I'm in love. I'm so in love with him. Like when I say,
• 1:23:54
  he's my peace and I one thing I can say. He does allow
• 1:24:00
  me to rest in my feminine energy. I don't have to be masculine all
• 1:24:03
  the time. You know. I do let him leave. You know.
• 1:24:08
  I was used to being the leader in relationships and whatever I say goals.
• 1:24:13
  But with him, I can relax. I don't have to be all the
• 1:24:17
  time. I don't have to be masculine all the time. I can relax
• 1:24:20
  to my feminine energy, you know. And then he understands why I was
• 1:24:27
  the person that I was. You'll get what I'm saying. And then he
• 1:24:30
  sees the person that I'm that I'm becoming. You know. Yes, he
• 1:24:32
  tells me all the time. He's like, baby, man, you got
• 1:24:34
  a mouth. He was like, man, your words hurt and I tell
• 1:24:39
  you you know, and I'm still working on that. And again it's all
• 1:24:43
  about who you're willing to build with. You know. Again, you're not
• 1:24:46
  gonna find perfection and just one man. You know, you're not gonna find
• 1:24:56
  it all. It may be some flaws that you may just be like,
• 1:25:00
  you know what, the good outweighs the bad. You have to figure out
• 1:25:04
  what it does. The good outwegh the batter does the bad outwegh the good,
• 1:25:09
  she said, because he allows you to. Most women cannot just relax
• 1:25:13
  because we're always on guard because and I feel like as women, we want
• 1:25:21
  to have the power and correct me if I'm wrong. We want to always
• 1:25:25
  be in controlled. It always has to be out the way. And it's
• 1:25:29
  okay to set back and relaxing your feminine energy and let a man lead.
• 1:25:36
  It's okay as long as you have the right man leading you and staying with
• 1:25:42
  men men. It's cool to relax when you have a woman that's taken care
• 1:25:47
  of you, not just mentally, but spiritually and emotionally. And then once
• 1:25:53
  those three needs a met then that makes the physical all the more. You
• 1:26:00
  know what I'm saying, What we as women we have to learn to say,
• 1:26:06
  Okay, you got I'm gonna let you have it. This man don't
• 1:26:11
  even let me carrick groceries. Do you hear me? He don't even let
• 1:26:14
  me carrick groceries. The very when I met him the very Kirk, when
• 1:26:16
  we met for the first time in person. We went to Walmart and I
• 1:26:23
  got some groceries and stuff, you know, because I was gonna clok and
• 1:26:26
  so I grabbed the bags. He was like, I'm He was like,
• 1:26:29
  you got a man to do that? Wow, okay, well let me
• 1:26:33
  let me let me you know. You know. So she says, we
• 1:26:39
  can't relax while we're building up. Yeah, you can be in this piece
• 1:26:43
  worry about his issues, healing him. Yeah you can't. You can't because
• 1:26:47
  you don't have to be hard all the time. Come here so I can
• 1:26:51
  relax, So I have no reason to not trust you. On the way
• 1:26:56
  for him for you not to trust is if he's done something for you that
• 1:27:00
  has broken the trust. You can still relax and still be his peace and
• 1:27:06
  still be in your feminine energy while you're uplifting him, while you're encouraging him,
• 1:27:12
  while you're pouring into him. You can still do that. You can
• 1:27:17
  still do that. And I think that's where the lines of communication get crossed
• 1:27:24
  because again, the moment things don't look right or we feel like something,
• 1:27:31
  we're ready to run because we as we overthink, we'll overthink us we all.
• 1:27:42
  But with the men, you gotta stop treating them like he's the past.
• 1:27:50
  You gotta stop treating him like he's the past. Because a lot of
• 1:27:57
  men come in to help you, not hurt you. A lot of men
• 1:28:00
  come in and want to love you pass the pain. They want to love
• 1:28:04
  you pass everything that you've been through. They love you even though you have
• 1:28:09
  scars. But some of y'all women think it's too good to be true.
• 1:28:15
  Oh this man can't love me like this, something must be wrong with him.
• 1:28:19
  We start overthinking, and guess what those thoughts you're running man away when
• 1:28:26
  really all this man who was trying to do is just love you. But
• 1:28:30
  because you're you're so programmed from the things that happened to you in past relationships,
• 1:28:34
  you can't say that you got a good man. You know that's the
• 1:28:42
  problem. Hey, Sisty, I love you, Babby. Oh your brother
• 1:28:47
  was don't here, He's supposed to some real shit. And then I got
• 1:28:53
  my my girl ass up here too. She says, I can't relax unless
• 1:28:57
  I know you can handle it. But how do you know if he can
• 1:29:00
  handle it? If every time it gets sick, you're ready to go,
• 1:29:03
  you gotta be again bathed. You got to be willing to roll in the
• 1:29:08
  mud and get dirty before you can be clean. Because every relationship is gonna
• 1:29:15
  have its ups and downs. So stop saying, Oh, I need him
• 1:29:23
  to come here, I need him to come this, I need to come
• 1:29:25
  here. When you keep saying I want someone like my daddy, maybe its
• 1:29:34
  search outside of what you're used to. And when you say you can't relax
• 1:29:42
  on this, I know you can handle it. How do you know he
• 1:29:45
  can't handle it? You're not even giving him the opportunity. Jule says.
• 1:29:53
  All I'm gonna say is you never mess a good thing until it's gone true
• 1:29:58
  and I had to learn that too many any times. She said, because
• 1:30:03
  he's not handling what is he not handling? But again, because you have
• 1:30:12
  this waller, so you're you're trying to make him not you specifically, So
• 1:30:18
  you women want to make this man paid for what the last man did to
• 1:30:24
  you, because that's the way you're go in thinking, oh, he just
• 1:30:28
  like he just like the last dude I was with, he did he that.
• 1:30:30
  You can't go in thinking that way because words are powerful, Because if
• 1:30:39
  you go in thinking that way, that's what's gonna happen, That's what you're
• 1:30:43
  putting into the universe. But again, you have to be willing to stand
• 1:30:50
  in the storm. You got to give him a chance. If he's done
• 1:30:57
  nothing to you for you not to trust him, why wouldn't you If he's
• 1:31:02
  done everything to prove to you that he's able to be trusted, why wouldn't
• 1:31:08
  you. Why wouldn't you be able to relax? Why wouldn't you be able
• 1:31:11
  to sit in your feminine energy instead of being masterlin all the time. Because
• 1:31:17
  again, women, a lot of y'all feel like if I submit to a
• 1:31:20
  man, I lose some type of sense to control. No, you don't,
• 1:31:25
  because that's not what submission means. Submission doesn't mean, oh, I'm
• 1:31:30
  his slave and I gotta do this, And that's not what submission means.
• 1:31:35
  See, my dude is my stinction. Where here's my place to peace?
• 1:31:42
  When I've had a bad day or he's had a bad day, I want
• 1:31:45
  to be his piece, whether I want to hear it or not. And
• 1:31:47
  I've expressed him several times. There are certain conversations that we've had and I'm
• 1:31:51
  like, you know, a bait, And I told him in conversations like
• 1:31:55
  I don't want to hear it, but you know it. I'm gonna listen
• 1:31:58
  anyway, whether I want to hear it or not, because you're venting to
• 1:32:00
  me. So if we want a man to do that for us, we've
• 1:32:09
  got to be willing to give that in return. Restiprosity is big, baby.
• 1:32:12
  Being reciprocal is very imperative in a relationship and in conversation is key.
• 1:32:17
  See, a lot of your women don't know how to communicate. Communication is
• 1:32:21
  horrible in the relationship because instead of talking to the person, you're talking at
• 1:32:25
  the person. And it's not what you're saying, but it's how you say
• 1:32:30
  it. Sometimes, lady, you gotta work. Sometimes, ladies, you
• 1:32:35
  gotta work on how you speak to the man. You can't come in and
• 1:32:41
  talk. You can't talk to this grown man like he's a five year old
• 1:32:44
  child. No, man, that's not gonna work. That's not gonna work
• 1:32:53
  because you don't want him talking to you that week. So you have to
• 1:32:56
  give the same respect that you want to receive. That goes back to you
• 1:33:04
  can't say you want him, but then you're treat him like shit. You
• 1:33:10
  can't say, oh, I love this man, I love him. He's
• 1:33:13
  this, he's that. But you're dogging him out, you're belittling him,
• 1:33:17
  you're disrespecting him. You're making him feel like he's nothing, like he's about
• 1:33:20
  this big. You're making him feel like he's nothing. You're talking to him
• 1:33:24
  like he's nothing. Ashley says, when a man says you don't listen,
• 1:33:32
  he's already no. That does not mean he's talking to you like a child.
• 1:33:36
  In other words, if I'm having a conversation with you and I'm saying
• 1:33:41
  you don't listen, you're not You're not giving me a chance to say what
• 1:33:44
  I'm trying. You're not giving let me say this, You're not giving me
• 1:33:46
  the chance to say what I want to say. That doesn't mean he's talking
• 1:33:49
  to you like a child. I can tell you ask you you're not listening.
• 1:33:54
  That doesn't mean I'm talking to you like a child. That means you're
• 1:33:57
  not listening to what I'm saying. You're hearing what you want to hear.
• 1:34:00
  But you're not listening. You're not because comprehension is key. Because you could
• 1:34:05
  talk all day and all night, but comprehension is key. Are you comprehending
• 1:34:09
  what this man is seen? And that's where a lot of women fall short.
• 1:34:14
  You're not comprehending what this man is saying because he's not saying what you
• 1:34:17
  want him to see. He's not saying what you want to hear. And
• 1:34:21
  that's the problem. You're not gonna always get a person that tells you what
• 1:34:26
  you want to hear. You have friends out here that tell you what you
• 1:34:30
  want to hear instead of telling you what you need to hear. See,
• 1:34:33
  I'm not that friend because I'm gonna tell you what you need to hear,
• 1:34:36
  not what you want to hear. Because I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything with you.
• 1:34:41
  If I say, ash, you know what you fucked up with what
• 1:34:45
  you did the other day, I'm gonna tell you that. I'm not gonna
• 1:34:48
  be like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna take girl. I ain't like
• 1:34:51
  what you did. You know, she said, yes, I just left
• 1:35:00
  the man who kept saying that while he barely had a job, waiting on
• 1:35:02
  his mother to pass so he can get money. But that same man wanted
• 1:35:05
  to leave me fuck out of here. I can't or wanted to leave you.
• 1:35:10
  Okay, girl, wait a minute, baby, you should let me
• 1:35:18
  tell your stuff. You should have left when he barely had a job.
• 1:35:23
  Baby, that's that's what you should have that that's that's that's must stay number
• 1:35:27
  one. Baby, You stay longer than you should have because any man that
• 1:35:30
  that barely wants to work and he waiting on his mom in a pass to
• 1:35:33
  get some money. Gert, Yeah, maybe you should have got let me
• 1:35:36
  tell you something. You should have put his ass out on I don't know
• 1:35:40
  when you're trash day run, but you should have put him out on money.
• 1:35:43
  When a trash maybe you should have set him out on the curb quick
• 1:35:45
  fastening in the earth. But sometimes women stay longer than they should and just
• 1:35:49
  like men stay longer than they should. But you can't be mad at nobody
• 1:35:59
  but you because you stayed. That's not that man fault. You stay.
• 1:36:03
  So that's another thing. Women, stop blaming men for staying in a relationship.
• 1:36:09
  Will knowing when you should have left, you stay. You got you
• 1:36:12
  gotta own that. You gotta take accountability for that. Baby, You got
• 1:36:15
  to go stand in the mirror and say, you know what, I allowed
• 1:36:17
  him. I allow this man. So she said, oh, he had
• 1:36:25
  a regular job, then it went part time. I'm steady staying find another
• 1:36:29
  one. They are closing down, et cetera. No playing what'soever? Yeah,
• 1:36:31
  when it gets to a point what because when when a man it starts
• 1:36:38
  doing that because you have women that do that too, that start off and
• 1:36:42
  they're working and then they quit their job because now they want to be staying
• 1:36:45
  at home moms. They want to be stay at home wives and all.
• 1:36:47
  No, keep doing the same shit you was doing in the beginning. But
• 1:36:51
  you stayed longer than you should have. If you're constantly having to tell this
• 1:36:56
  man he needs to get up, he needs to go get a job,
• 1:36:58
  he needs to do this, he needs to do that, then that then
• 1:37:00
  that becomes on you. Shame on you, fool men. One, Shame
• 1:37:03
  on me, fool men twice, shame on you. You got to take
• 1:37:09
  accountability for that. So Jules says, actually listening is key. You have
• 1:37:15
  to stop listening to respond and start listening to understand what he's talking about.
• 1:37:19
  That way what is being said won't be misconstrued and it'll be easier to come
• 1:37:23
  to an understanding and solutions on the situation, Bingo, because comprehension is everything.
• 1:37:31
  She says, same accountability I spoke on early. I accepted it self
• 1:37:34
  accountability. Same with the men. If he deals with a woman twerking,
• 1:37:39
  box, man, et cetera, that's him problem, same way it was
• 1:37:43
  mine. Oh mac box, Okay, Oh, but you do have men
• 1:37:48
  that do take accountability for that, that stay longer than they should. You
• 1:37:56
  have men that do do that, but you have a lot of women that
• 1:37:59
  don't do not take accountability when they stay in these relationships longer than they should.
• 1:38:02
  If you are with a man and you will constantly on him about what
• 1:38:05
  he needs to do, and he needs to do this, he needs to
• 1:38:08
  do that, you need to try to do better for yourself, and he's
• 1:38:11
  not making the initiative, then who's the fool, not him? You?
• 1:38:20
  Because I took accountability with my last relationship, I stayed longer than I should.
• 1:38:29
  I should have left that dude. Okay, she said, That's what
• 1:38:35
  I'm saying. So when I say I'm not wasting time, that's what I
• 1:38:38
  mean. Okay, all right, thank you for clearing that up. Thank
• 1:38:41
  you for clarifying it because I look like hum. But again, you know,
• 1:38:50
  and then you have people out here, No, you never stayed and
• 1:38:56
  go bro, that's just like men. I don't advocate for your staying in
• 1:39:01
  a in an unhealthy relationship. Ill look, I never advocate for that because
• 1:39:05
  I believe in healthy Look, I believe in healthy relationships. I don't.
• 1:39:09
  I don't promote toxlicity, baby, not at all. But at some point
• 1:39:16
  you have to stop looking and take that time for you and figure out what
• 1:39:25
  you like and what you don't like about you. You take that time for
• 1:39:29
  you because jumping from relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship, what are you
• 1:39:35
  doing? What are you doing so that goes to do for him the way
• 1:39:45
  you want him to do for you. You got women whose expectation on this.
• 1:39:53
  He need to wait on me until I'm healed and da dada for some
• 1:39:57
  of your women ain't willing to wait on him now if he just downright low
• 1:40:01
  down and he ain't trying to accomplish anything. Yeah, baby, I'm not
• 1:40:05
  telling you. Uh my sisters, no, you shouldn't stay, She say,
• 1:40:14
  Heck no, Like I said, I'm trying not to be judgmentalist.
• 1:40:16
  Hard red flags right away. I'm gone. I'm trying to stay down,
• 1:40:19
  but I just can't. I can't submit to that. You can't leave me.
• 1:40:23
  Sorry, But let me ask you this, and it's for everybody,
• 1:40:28
  not just directed at you, ash, But how do you know that that's
• 1:40:34
  not a temporary thing. Let me play Devil's advocate for a minute. So
• 1:40:41
  he falls down. Okay, he's trying to find a job, you know,
• 1:40:50
  are you still ready to go? Can you hold him down? So
• 1:41:03
  she said, but what if it's not? So? Let me so,
• 1:41:05
  let me say this, because you can look at these two different ways.
• 1:41:11
  If you have a man that's trying to better himself, absolutely that's worth pretty
• 1:41:16
  putting in the work. He's worth putting in the work. But if you're
• 1:41:20
  dealing with someone that has no get up, no drive about themselves, that
• 1:41:25
  is complacent, I'm not that. I don't want you to stay. I
• 1:41:29
  made that mistake by staying with a man that was complacent. And baby,
• 1:41:33
  all he did was go from my house to now he living up in another
• 1:41:38
  woman house and still be calling me leave me along ball Okay, so I
• 1:41:54
  lost my train of thought. Okay, so let me get back. So
• 1:42:00
  you have to be willing to do again reciprocation, She said, like,
• 1:42:09
  okay, like you see the potential, they just don't. Then when I'm
• 1:42:12
  saying something I'm nagging or I'm not feminine, like the fuck I can't be.
• 1:42:15
  I understand that part. I definitely get that. But you have some
• 1:42:21
  men again that are just complacent, just lazy shit. Let me just say
• 1:42:29
  it's just lazy. And I'm not telling you to stay. But if you
• 1:42:34
  got someone that's willing this thing, say effort, I'm getting to clear me.
• 1:42:47
  Goodbye, Ashley. I'm stick on you. I probs, I was
• 1:42:51
  supna to stick on you. That tagging all our nerves. But you know
• 1:42:56
  what, white, black, Hispanic, Asian, baby, You're gonna find
• 1:43:00
  it in all races. And that's one thing that I really I don't like
• 1:43:08
  when women say that I'm just gonna go date another race, and I don't
• 1:43:13
  not let me say this. Let me say this first off. I don't
• 1:43:18
  not people's preferences. But what I'm not gonna uphold and co sign is when
• 1:43:25
  people say, oh, well I can't find no good black man, so
• 1:43:28
  I'm gonna give me a white man. You're gonna find good and bad in
• 1:43:32
  all races, baby, don't matter. You're gonna find the same and a
• 1:43:35
  white man. You're gonna find the same in an Asian man and the Latino
• 1:43:39
  man, a man from overseas. You're gonna find that. You're gonna find
• 1:43:49
  that. It doesn't matter the race. You could go. You could go
• 1:43:55
  be a passport sister, like like these black men are running over, you
• 1:43:59
  know, to these different countries trying to find women at all. You're gonna
• 1:44:01
  find good and bad at all. You just have to know who's worth you
• 1:44:08
  put it in the world. You got to know who's worth it. Same
• 1:44:16
  wait with men. Men know who's willing, who who is willing to who
• 1:44:24
  they're willing to put in the work with. Jey says, Happy birthday,
• 1:44:30
  t Brown, so asses, But how do you know when to go?
• 1:44:34
  Is the issue? You could be a good person, but not a good
• 1:44:38
  man. Only you know because what what what I mean what I see?
• 1:44:45
  Maybe it's something different for you. You know. I'm gonna give you some
• 1:44:50
  time to work it out and figure it out. But if I feel like
• 1:44:55
  we still let us stand still, baby, I might have to to let
• 1:44:57
  you go. I'm gonna have to move around because I can't carry your weight
• 1:45:02
  in mind too, that's what and you say, so why stay around for
• 1:45:13
  or maybe have a have that conversation. Communication is key. You need to
• 1:45:19
  sit down and you need to have this conversation. Like I say, if
• 1:45:21
  y'all are not on the same page, then you need to let that go.
• 1:45:28
  You need to let that go. Communication and comprehension is key. Things
• 1:45:35
  need to be put out on the table. In the beginning. You're elite,
• 1:45:44
  not say carry, you're alleviating. You're alleviating some of the weight,
• 1:45:47
  not totally carrying. You're alleviate. And she say, but when you're healing
• 1:45:51
  someone building them up, et cetera, you are carrying their weight. You're
• 1:45:55
  alleviating. Because again, some people come into enhance your life. Some people
• 1:46:01
  come in too enhance, some people come into uplifts, some people come into
• 1:46:04
  empower. But only you know. And that's why these conversations need to be
• 1:46:10
  had. But some of you women are difficult to have these conversations with because
• 1:46:15
  again, men aren't saying what you want, what you want to hear,
• 1:46:19
  So y'all tune it out. Y'all aren't trying to hear what he's talking about
• 1:46:26
  because he's not saying what you think he should sink. He's not saying what
• 1:46:29
  you want him to sink. Again, Ash, she says, why not
• 1:46:38
  hear yourself though, so I don't have to elevate to alleviate your weight.
• 1:46:42
  Name one person in this in this world that you dated that didn't come with
• 1:46:45
  some type of issue. Tell me there's not one person in this world that
• 1:46:56
  doesn't come with some type of pain or some type a suitcase. It's not
• 1:47:01
  one person, not one, not a one. Can't nobody on this earth
• 1:47:06
  say they ain't got an issue that they're dealing with or something that they're trying
• 1:47:11
  to work through. Ain't one person in this world, like I say that,
• 1:47:15
  not one person. But again, you gotta do for him the way
• 1:47:19
  you want him to do for you, She said, me, girl,
• 1:47:31
  shut up, Ash, giving it phone now. But it's a partnership.
• 1:47:44
  Some relationships are transactional, some of them are contractual. You gotta be willing
• 1:47:51
  to put in the work with who you know, if you know they're trying,
• 1:48:02
  She says. Everything I go through I get through alone. I do
• 1:48:04
  not like putting my problems on other people, but sometimes those loads do get
• 1:48:09
  heavy, and you do at times want that one person if you can't talk
• 1:48:15
  to nobody else, you want that one person that can help bring some type
• 1:48:18
  of peace or calm to your storm. Everybody wants that. Everybody wants that,
• 1:48:29
  and I think part of an ash you haven't found that your ship.
• 1:48:36
  So and correct me if I'm wrong. So now you feel like every man,
• 1:48:46
  She says, if I have something going on, I'm isolating myself.
• 1:48:49
  I don't want to charnish no one else. But you know what, that's
• 1:48:53
  not a good thing to do with them because the most dangerous place the person
• 1:48:57
  can be is in their thoughts. And I'm only speaking experience. I'm only
• 1:49:02
  speaking from experience. I feel that way. I don't want I don't want
• 1:49:10
  him to deal with my issues, my problems, but he's my goal to
• 1:49:15
  person. He's the person that I can talk and he just listens. And
• 1:49:21
  that's what men want, is a person that they could talk too and you
• 1:49:27
  listen and vice versa. They goes both ways. But the only way for
• 1:49:33
  that to happen, y'all have to be open. Y'all have to have that
• 1:49:36
  open dialogue. Y'all have to have that conversation. If conversations are not being
• 1:49:42
  had, then how y'all gonna figure things out. Again, you gotta know
• 1:49:51
  when the holding. You gotta know when the phone. Everyone knows you're not
• 1:49:59
  go to find perfection. Everyone knows that. But one of the things that
• 1:50:05
  I do want to say is stop bleeding on people. You come with a
• 1:50:17
  couple of issues, cool, but I don't want you to bleed on me.
• 1:50:26
  I don't want you to destroy me to the point that I feel like
• 1:50:30
  all women are the same, or I think all men are the same,
• 1:50:39
  but women you gotta be willing to put in the work. But again,
• 1:50:45
  you gotta know win a hold, and you gotta know win a bold because
• 1:50:49
  you got You gotta stop blaming men and take accountability for yourself. You gotta
• 1:51:00
  start doing that. Lay everything out on the table, let him know,
• 1:51:04
  Hey, this is I got absc DFG, and you put the ball in
• 1:51:10
  his court, and vice versa. Put the ball in her court and let
• 1:51:13
  others side. If this is what she's willing, is this what she's willing
• 1:51:17
  to deal with, and vice versa, is this what he's willing to deal
• 1:51:20
  with? Because again, you got men out here that would love you even
• 1:51:27
  though you have scars. You have men out here that would love you even
• 1:51:30
  though you're cracked, because the one of the things that I want to get
• 1:51:32
  away from is saying women are broken because we're not broken, we're cracked.
• 1:51:38
  See, when you're broken, you can't be fixed. But if you want
• 1:51:45
  that in return, you gotta create a You gotta create a safe environment.
• 1:51:51
  You gotta leave the bullshit outside and not bring it into the house because men
• 1:52:00
  don't talk if they don't feel safe. Men aren't gonna communicate with you if
• 1:52:09
  you're not comprehending what they're saying. If they feel like they're talking to a
• 1:52:12
  brick walk, they're not gonna talk to you. But again, some of
• 1:52:17
  you women, if the man is not saying what you want to understand,
• 1:52:19
  what you think he should say, then you don't want to hear it.
• 1:52:24
  And that's not fair. Again, you gotta you gotta give in order to
• 1:52:36
  receive. So if you're not respecting this man, this man is not gonna
• 1:52:41
  respect you. And until you do have some men that are just already messed
• 1:52:47
  up anyway, just like you got some women that are already messed up.
• 1:52:50
  But hey, some of them can be fixed. But I think at the
• 1:52:56
  end of the day, we really do have to stop trying to be Bob
• 1:52:59
  the builder, or stop thinking that we can go to build the bear and
• 1:53:03
  build a perfect man or build a perfect woman, because everyone is gonna come
• 1:53:08
  with some type of law. Everybody, everybody in this world is flawed.
• 1:53:15
  There's not one person in this world that's not. So. You want a
• 1:53:24
  good man, you gotta be a good woman first. You want to be
• 1:53:28
  a wife, You gotta learn how to be a girlfriend. Men have to
• 1:53:33
  stop trying to love the red flags out of women. Men have to stop
• 1:53:38
  following in love with a representative or this aside. Women, Just be yourself,
• 1:53:45
  stop coming with your representative. Be who you are, Stop being who
• 1:53:48
  you think this man wants you to be. But the problem with that is
• 1:53:56
  because some of you women are so caught up in this social media shit.
• 1:54:00
  You think that's how you have to be. You think that's what all men
• 1:54:03
  want. All men don't want that. You got men out here that just
• 1:54:10
  want regular deglo women. A lot of men don't want think women that's all
• 1:54:15
  on social media all the time. You don't want that. Y'all think they
• 1:54:20
  do what they don't what you got something that, dude, But real men
• 1:54:25
  don't. Real men want women to build with and grow with. They want
• 1:54:35
  that campaign, they want the partnership. But if you're not willing to do
• 1:54:43
  that, let that man go and let that man go be somebody else or
• 1:54:45
  su because you're holding up the line. Let that man go. You know,
• 1:54:56
  I just like I said, you know, I tell and all the
• 1:55:00
  time. Stop tearing that man down for the next woman. Stop destrowing that
• 1:55:04
  man, stop doing it. If you're unsure about what you want, let
• 1:55:14
  that man go, and you go be by yourself, Go be single,
• 1:55:17
  Go be for the streets, go outside, as they think, go be
• 1:55:20
  outside, Let that man go beal with somebody else. As shays, Yes,
• 1:55:31
  I shouldn't, but I do. I'd rather though, because I need
• 1:55:33
  to think. When you're already a problem solver, virgos are natural healers.
• 1:55:38
  I truly believe that. So once you deal with that so much, you
• 1:55:41
  get to a point where you feel people should heal themselves. Stop carrying people
• 1:55:44
  weight, Stop trying to be a problem solver. All that is doing is
• 1:55:47
  breaking you down. So when I say heal yourself, that's what I mean,
• 1:55:50
  because that is draining. But one of the things that you need to
• 1:55:53
  do, bab is boundaries. You have to stop letting your cup go empty.
• 1:56:01
  You have to find a balance. Even though I know we're getting all
• 1:56:05
  the way off topic, but you have to find a balance. You have
• 1:56:10
  to step boundaries. You have to know when people are draining you to the
• 1:56:15
  point where now your cup is them, then they're full again. You have
• 1:56:19
  to know when to hold and win the fold. So if you constantly keep
• 1:56:25
  staying and you keep allowing a man to drain you, or you keep allowing
• 1:56:30
  a woman to drain you, that's your fault. You have to learn to
• 1:56:35
  step them boundaries. You have to learn and say, hey, I M
• 1:56:41
  you gotta learn how to do that. And I don't think men get into
• 1:56:47
  relationships looking for healers or problem solvers. I don't think that's what men get
• 1:56:51
  into relationships for. But you have some women that do. They want a
• 1:56:58
  man to fix them. You got something that that are like that too,
• 1:57:01
  but not all of them. You got some men out here that again,
• 1:57:09
  are really trying to push you to the next level. I look at Lebron
• 1:57:14
  James and his wife Savannah. She was with him in the trenches. He
• 1:57:19
  helped push him to the next level. She helped push him to the next
• 1:57:23
  level. Teamwork, we of course, we don't know what goes on behind
• 1:57:29
  closed doors, but you know she lets him leave, and when it's her
• 1:57:35
  time to shine, he steps out the way, and he allows he to
• 1:57:38
  shine. She said, how many men did I date before you found you
• 1:57:45
  may have any assholes? Girl? Let me see how many toads did I
• 1:57:48
  have to go through? Oh Lord, let me say this. I can
• 1:57:54
  count on one hand the number of men that had made me feel the way
• 1:57:58
  he does. I can't count on one hand. Because I wanted to fill
• 1:58:05
  a boy so I looked for men that I knew needed me. I guess
• 1:58:12
  you could see. Those are the type of men that I attracted because I
• 1:58:17
  was broken. I was messed up. But before I got with him,
• 1:58:25
  I was by myself. I was by myself. I still had my issues.
• 1:58:32
  And like I said, when he when when I met him, I
• 1:58:34
  was at my loss. I had just lost my daddy, girl, I
• 1:58:39
  just lost Like I said, I just lost my daddy in March. I
• 1:58:41
  met him in June. I just put my dad. You might as well
• 1:58:45
  say I abel was when I buried my daddy, Because it was with the
• 1:58:48
  twenties seventh of March when I buried my daddy. She says, because she
• 1:58:56
  knows her man can leave, she don't have to wear a cape, she
• 1:58:58
  can relax her bills. I page not out here making a fool of her,
• 1:59:00
  So of course she submits to him. But you have to stop looking
• 1:59:10
  and staying waight men, Men have to stop looking and just allow the universe
• 1:59:15
  to work, because some relationships happen when you're least expected. Because when I
• 1:59:20
  met him, I wasn't I didn't want to be in a relationship. I
• 1:59:26
  wasn't looking for a relationship. Shit, I have been singing for over a
• 1:59:30
  year. I was good, maybe two years. I think I've been thinking
• 1:59:35
  maybe almost two years. Stop was thinking of time for me. But but
• 1:59:43
  I had some some growing to do. I'm not gonna lie. I had
• 1:59:46
  a lot of growing to do because I was bringing my past relationship, the
• 1:59:50
  things from past relationships into this new relationship. I couldn't talk to him the
• 1:59:55
  same way, you know. I couldn't cuss him out and then he'll call
• 1:59:59
  back and be like, babe, I couldn't do that with him. He
• 2:00:05
  taught me how to speak to him. He showed me he was different,
• 2:00:12
  He showed me he was not my pants. So I had to I had
• 2:00:19
  to pull back, and I had to say, I'm not dealing with the
• 2:00:23
  same type of dudes I had been dealing with because he was different. He's
• 2:00:28
  not the argumentative type. I'm telling you right that man. Do not argue
• 2:00:31
  with me. He'll hang up in my face before he argue with me.
• 2:00:36
  He will. He'll hang up on me and I'll call back and he won't
• 2:00:42
  answer. I was told, lady, he'll call it back. You're okay.
• 2:00:45
  Now, that's what he does to me. So he don't let me
• 2:00:49
  have my way. So those temper tantrums that I throw or used to grow,
• 2:00:55
  he don't go for that. He'll go a whole day and won't talk
• 2:00:59
  to me until the point where I'm like, you know what I was wrong.
• 2:01:06
  I was out of line. I should have never thought. I should
• 2:01:09
  never spold to him that way. Yeah, that's what he has taught me.
• 2:01:15
  But you have to know that all men aren't like your past, and
• 2:01:21
  we as women we have to learn that and men have to learn that too.
• 2:01:25
  All women are not like the women you've dealt with. All women are
• 2:01:28
  not like your baby Mama's just like I hear you know, people say,
• 2:01:30
  oh, well, I'm tired of dating my race. I'm a data outside
• 2:01:34
  my rate, you're gonna find good and bad and all races. It's all
• 2:01:40
  about who you're willing to put in the work for. That much I can
• 2:01:45
  see, it's all about who you're willing to put in the work for.
• 2:01:50
  But again, only you know when the hold and when the fold. Because
• 2:01:55
  if you stay longer than you're supposed to, and you know you should have
• 2:01:58
  left maybe a month ago, two months go here, maybe a year or
• 2:02:00
  two ago, it's your fault. But men only do what you allow them
• 2:02:06
  to do, and women only do what you allow them to do. So
• 2:02:14
  it's on your baby, it's on you, Suce. But just know your
• 2:02:20
  person is out there. Your person is out there. I truly believe that,
• 2:02:28
  And it's okay to submit as long as you have the right person leading
• 2:02:31
  you, as long as you have the right person that you that makes you
• 2:02:35
  feel safe. As long as you have that person that one of my friends
• 2:02:42
  posted today, your blue person, which is that person you can go to
• 2:02:45
  when you can't go to nobody else that brings you some type of comfort,
• 2:02:48
  brings you some type of peace, brings you some type of joy. That's
• 2:02:53
  he's out there. You just have to relax and I know you say,
• 2:03:00
  Oh, you know, I'm getting older. I don't have time to waste.
• 2:03:01
  No one has time to waste. You just have to you know what
• 2:03:09
  you gotta do. And she says, but do you feel you are wrong?
• 2:03:15
  Or are you just agreeing because you feel you have something good and don't
• 2:03:17
  want to lose it. I understand not arguing in cursing, because I'm gonna
• 2:03:20
  hang up too. But during every disagreement you're ignoring me, goes silent,
• 2:03:24
  no communication. I'm not for it, and I run into that. No,
• 2:03:30
  I do really feel like I'm wrong because my mouth is lethal. Let
• 2:03:34
  me say that my mouth cuts like a knife and I tend to hit below
• 2:03:41
  the belt. I tend to do that, and I can honestly admit and
• 2:03:45
  say that's what I do. But not every disagreement does he ignore me.
• 2:03:56
  It's when I've said something and I know I'm out of line for saying it.
• 2:04:00
  No, he won't talk to me. It might be later on that
• 2:04:04
  night, it might be the next day. He's absolutely good, he's good
• 2:04:11
  for me, But not every disagreement does he ignore me. If I've said
• 2:04:17
  something to hurt his feelings, I'm gonna give him that space to calm down
• 2:04:24
  before we talk, because cooler heads always prevailed, because if he's upset and
• 2:04:29
  I'm upset, we can't talk because I'm not hearing what he's saying. He's
• 2:04:33
  not hearing what I'm saying because we're too enraged where we're angry. So when
• 2:04:38
  you're mad, you can't hear what the next person that is saying. So
• 2:04:44
  me giving him that space to pool off before he says something that he's gonna
• 2:04:48
  regret, or I say something that I'm gonna regret. Absolutely, if we
• 2:04:55
  need to take if we need to talk the next day, when cooler has
• 2:04:59
  prevailed a solutely I'm all for. I don't want to talk to him when
• 2:05:03
  I'm angry because see, when you're when you're when you're arguing and you're getting
• 2:05:06
  the heat of the moment, you'll say things that you can't take back.
• 2:05:13
  So you gotta think about that. You gotta learn how to fight fail.
• 2:05:19
  So yeah, so it's all about communication. It's all about how you handle
• 2:05:31
  situations. We get in like kids and throw temper tenions, or we could
• 2:05:36
  talk like adults, because I want to talk like an adult. I don't
• 2:05:42
  want to talk like a child. Thank girls say all right, gotta go.
• 2:05:49
  I can't submit to our followers blowing me up. Goodne girl, you're
• 2:05:55
  a silly. I love you, bab I love your sisty. You both
• 2:06:01
  sell it. Payble girl, it's okay. You can always go back and
• 2:06:08
  watch the replace. Girl. You good, but no, but but no,
• 2:06:13
  But seriously, though, it's it's somebody out there for everybody, you
• 2:06:16
  know. But again, you just have to know who you're willing to stand
• 2:06:21
  in the storm with, who you're willing to stand in the rain with.
• 2:06:25
  You know, there's gonna be highs and lows and relationships. It's gonna be
• 2:06:29
  good and bad. It's not gonna always be good, might be bad.
• 2:06:30
  But you know, if it's more bad than good, and you know that
• 2:06:35
  there's no way to work through it, let it go. Don't exert them
• 2:06:42
  more energy into it, you know. And and I say that to men,
• 2:06:47
  you know, no when a hold and no when a fold, because
• 2:06:58
  we all want to be loved, we all want to find our person.
• 2:07:01
  We all want to you know, live in this peace, harmonious, harmonious
• 2:07:05
  life. We all want that. But you also have to understand that you're
• 2:07:12
  not gonna find perfection. Find someone that you're willing to work, work through
• 2:07:18
  some of those flaws with. You gotta be willing. You gotta be willing
• 2:07:27
  to put in the work. You gotta be willing to get dirty, because
• 2:07:30
  sometimes you gotta go through the bad to get to the good, because that
• 2:07:33
  don't come overnight. Relationships take time, baby, marriages take time. Trust
• 2:07:41
  takes time, just like healing takes time. All that you gotta be patient.
• 2:07:50
  So you gotta pray for that. You gotta pray for patience when it
• 2:07:54
  comes to relationships. You gotta pray for that communication. You gotta learn healthy,
• 2:08:03
  healthy dialogue between the two of you. You gotta nerve what's worth fighting
• 2:08:09
  for and what's willing to say you know what, You've got it, that's
• 2:08:13
  what you gotta be willing to do. Some of y'all not ready for that.
• 2:08:18
  Some of y'all don't want that. Some of y'all like the argument in
• 2:08:20
  the back and forth. Some of you women glamorize toxic relationships. Some of
• 2:08:24
  y'all glamorized and stay old. My men got the he got to yell at
• 2:08:28
  me and did it. No, No, real women don't want that.
• 2:08:37
  Real men don't want that. Real men don't want women as for the streets.
• 2:08:43
  Real women don't want men as for the streets. Reciprocity is big,
• 2:08:52
  it is absolutely big. So again, you gotta know, win a hold
• 2:08:58
  and win a for so Sheina says, yes, they do. She said,
• 2:09:07
  whoa. We didn't get to where we were overnight. We had to
• 2:09:09
  fix ourselves in order to work together to better our marriage. Absolutely, and
• 2:09:13
  that's you know what when we talk about the men and how these women manipulating
• 2:09:22
  gas like men, why is this so hard for a woman to say I'm
• 2:09:30
  sorry or I was wrong. You know, we keep saying we want a
• 2:09:41
  good man, we want a good man, but when we get a good
• 2:09:43
  man, we don't know how to treat him. And you got a man
• 2:09:48
  that comes in and it's not only good to you, but he's good to
• 2:09:54
  those five six, seven, eight down until children you have. He comes
• 2:09:58
  in, but you're still drag him through the dirt. And that's what I
• 2:10:03
  mean when I stay stopped tearing that man die for the next woman. If
• 2:10:07
  you're unsure, if that's who you want to be with, let that man
• 2:10:11
  go. Stop holding that man hostitch, stop holding up the line so he
• 2:10:18
  can get to his wife. But women. We gotta fix ourselves, we
• 2:10:26
  really do. We have to fix ourselves. We gotta look in the mirror
• 2:10:31
  and say, you know what, man, And it's hard for some of
• 2:10:35
  us to do that. So she did not say amen, But it's hard
• 2:10:39
  for some of us to do that. And like I said, we're stubborn
• 2:10:46
  and we feel like if we submit, we're giving away our power. No
• 2:10:50
  you're not. No you're not. But I'm gonna leave y'a with this.
• 2:11:00
  Some of you women need therapy. Some of y'all need to go sit down
• 2:11:03
  and across, sit down on a chail, or lay across somebody couch and
• 2:11:07
  get some therapy. Because the way some of you women think it's sickening to
• 2:11:13
  me. I'm ending with this. You women have got to let go by
• 2:11:24
  the past. You have to stop going into these relationships thinking that all men
• 2:11:30
  are the same. When you find a man that loves you, it's not
• 2:11:39
  only taking care of you, but it's taking care of a child or children
• 2:11:43
  that do not belong to him. He's providing a stable house, I'm sorry,
• 2:11:48
  a roof over you and your children's head. Stop doing that man the
• 2:11:54
  way that you do him. Stop doing that. Start talking to him,
• 2:12:01
  and stop talking to your home girls. You got a problem with your man,
• 2:12:07
  You talk to your man. Stop running to your home girls. Stop
• 2:12:13
  disgusting your personal shit with your home girls, especially the single ones, because
• 2:12:24
  they're not gonna do nothing to advocate for you to be in the streets.
• 2:12:33
  So she didna say, Man, it could be the trauma bonding that is
• 2:12:35
  preventing them from seeing that good man, I was a self sabotaged type of
• 2:12:39
  woman. And tell my husband checked me on it. I didn't know that
• 2:12:41
  the trauma I endure. It was while I was acting like that, do
• 2:12:45
  the work. I promised that it's a hard, yet rewarding experience. And
• 2:12:48
  that's and that's exactly what I was just saying, you know, was when
• 2:12:54
  I met my fiancee, I wasn't all the way put together, you know.
• 2:12:58
  I had just very Like I said, I had just very my father.
• 2:13:01
  And then a few months after, you know, I bury my dad,
• 2:13:03
  I meet him, you know, and then after I meet him,
• 2:13:07
  my niece was found, you know, murder. So I was gonna through
• 2:13:09
  a lot. But it's all about who's willing to put in the work with
• 2:13:13
  you, Who's willing to who's willing to stand in the ring with you.
• 2:13:16
  Who's willing to give you that umbrella when it starts raining, Because it's not
• 2:13:22
  all gonna be peaches dun cream. The road is not gonna be smooth the
• 2:13:24
  entire time. You're gonna have the up sit down as the highs, the
• 2:13:26
  loot, you're gonna have that. And then we have to learn how to
• 2:13:33
  fight fair. We have to learn how to communicate. We have to learn
• 2:13:37
  how to comprehend what our partner is seeing because a lot of times we women,
• 2:13:45
  and I'm gonna repeat this again, a lot of times we women,
• 2:13:46
  we're not trying to hear what that man talking about. And then you wonder
• 2:13:50
  why he doesn't talk to you. Well, number one, you shut him
• 2:13:54
  down. Number two, he doesn't feel safe talking to you because everything that
• 2:13:58
  he's shared with you, you've turned around and you're throwing it back in his
• 2:14:01
  face. So now he shut down. Now you're mad. Now you're out
• 2:14:09
  in the streets trying to live your best life instead at home trying to work
• 2:14:15
  it out with your man because your toob is listening to your home girl,
• 2:14:18
  because your home girl and told your girl, put that fuck I'm dressed on,
• 2:14:20
  girl, let's go girl. Fuck him, girl, he gonna be
• 2:14:22
  okay. And you're going you and and this is full co sciences. You
• 2:14:26
  you go out and you'll be a part of this. Put your home girl,
• 2:14:31
  let's single or you're home girl's own relationship number six in the last three
• 2:14:37
  years. But this is what y'all like. Y'all want to be the man
• 2:14:45
  and a woman in a relationship. You won't let him. You won't treat
• 2:14:50
  him like a man. You'll treat him like a child. Yep, because
• 2:14:52
  you're talking to him like a child. And then you wonder why this man
• 2:14:56
  don't come home. Then you wonder why it's cold? What part do you
• 2:15:07
  play in all of these ladies? Some of y'all not ready had that conversation
• 2:15:11
  because some of y'all women feel like y'all, y'all don't do anything wrong When
• 2:15:18
  my dude checks me, even my sister, my sipster will tell you they
• 2:15:24
  checked me. Get it together, ladies, get it together. Stop dogging
• 2:15:39
  at man out. Stop with holding sex from him because you're mad. You're
• 2:15:48
  gonnalay up with somebody else's husband, But you won't lay next to yours.
• 2:15:54
  You won't work on your problems with your man but you arguing with somebody else's
• 2:15:58
  husband, though, I'm gonna leave them one alone because some of y'all on
• 2:16:07
  my timeline are dealing with men that I know that they're married or have girlfriends.
• 2:16:13
  But I'm gonna be quiet on that one. And I'm right that with
• 2:16:20
  your sis. I'm ready when they are, we do it together. But
• 2:16:30
  let's be respectful, ladies. Let's be respectful of ourselves. Let's respect our
• 2:16:33
  relationships, Let's respect our men. But you'll be sitting up here by yourself,
• 2:16:43
  looking crazy while everybody out live in their best life, they best life.
• 2:16:48
  You by yourself, that's what you're doing. Oh yeah, we're gonna
• 2:16:56
  doing sings. We're shar game, are you all? Baby? You know
• 2:17:01
  you know I'm down. Baby, You know I'm down for shaking some tables.
• 2:17:03
  Girl, you know I am. You know I am. But some
• 2:17:09
  of you women need to go with some help, because, baby, I'm
• 2:17:13
  saying, these man enough, y'all be destroying these men, baby, bad
• 2:17:16
  for who. I don't be liking that. I'd be listening to some of
• 2:17:24
  these men and I'd be like, man, damn, she did you like
• 2:17:28
  that? And you did this? Some of y'all, I'll be want to
• 2:17:33
  put in a choked like Melvin did Jodian baby Boy some of y'all ladies.
• 2:17:37
  I guess you could say that was my final thought. You know, do
• 2:17:41
  better, do better, do better, ladies. So but I love y'all.
• 2:17:52
  I promise answer my fellas. I love y'all. I'm always advocate for
• 2:17:56
  y'all. I'm always look out for the best interests of y'all. I caping
• 2:18:00
  my women, but I gotta hold some of you women accountable at times.
• 2:18:03
  Y'all know how I go. But anyway, uh, for the next episode,
• 2:18:09
  because y'all know the anniversary Hurricane Katrina is coming, which is Tuesday.
• 2:18:13
  But hope, I'm hoping to do a show Tuesday to commemorate Hurricane Katrina.
• 2:18:20
  But my daughter has I had to go to my daughter's band uh band parents
• 2:18:26
  meeting on Tuesday. It's at seven, So I'm hoping to make it back
• 2:18:31
  in time so i can do my episode because I do want to commemorate Hurricane
• 2:18:35
  Katrina because the anniversary is Tuesday, August the twenty ninth. But for tomorrow
• 2:18:41
  night, uh, I'm empowering. I'm that's the empower our Tomorrow night,
• 2:18:46
  We're just gonna be empowering, encouraging, just speaking positive, you know,
• 2:18:50
  just having beautiful conversation. Like I said, I want to pour into somebody,
• 2:18:54
  pour into people. I want you to know that I love you.
• 2:18:56
  I want you to know that I'm proud of you. I want you to
• 2:18:58
  know that regardless of whatever storm that you're walking in the midst of, baby,
• 2:19:03
  you can overcome. I promise you can. So that's Tomorrow night.
• 2:19:05
  Tomorrow Night is Empowered Hour. Let's just encourage. Bring a friend, Tell
• 2:19:11
  a friend. If you know someone that needs prayer, someone that needs to
• 2:19:13
  be encouraged, someone that needs to be empowered, don't forget to like,
• 2:19:16
  share, subscribe and comment to Black Girl Interrupted again. I'm on Facebook,
• 2:19:20
  I'm on Instagram, I'm on YouTube. Tell them come on because it's nothing
• 2:19:24
  but positivity. Tomorrow night, Like I said, Thursday Night, empower Hour.
• 2:19:28
  That's that's what we're doing. I said, I wanted to start doing
• 2:19:31
  that once a month where I'm encouraging, where I just take a moment to
• 2:19:35
  just encourage, where I just take a moment to just love y'all, where
• 2:19:39
  I take a moment just to pour back into you to let you know that
• 2:19:41
  I do see you. That you are appreciated and that I think you're doing
• 2:19:45
  a fantastic job with wherever you are in life. I think you're doing fantastic.
• 2:19:48
  I think you're doing wonderful. So I really want to take the time
• 2:19:52
  and give back to let y'all know that I do appreciate y'all. So that
• 2:19:56
  is tomorrow night. That is the Empowered Hour. So sometimes you know,
• 2:20:00
  you just have to encourage yourself to get up and go to get up and
• 2:20:03
  keep pushing to keep up and you know, get up and keep moving.
• 2:20:07
  So that's tomorrow night. Also have a special announcement if you are in the
• 2:20:11
  Houston area, y'all. I'm so freaking excited, y'all, so I am
• 2:20:18
  going to be excuse me, a special guest here in Houston. It is
• 2:20:24
  called Lady Lady d Day. Hold on, let me see. Can I
• 2:20:28
  make it bigger? Hold up? Let me. I don't know if y'all
• 2:20:31
  gonna see. I hope I made it bigger. But September the eighth,
• 2:20:35
  here in Houston at the Extail Lounge, as you can see, I am
• 2:20:39
  the special guest. We're gonna be talking about domestic violence, mental health.
• 2:20:48
  Oh god, I just really lost my train. Of thoughts. I'm very
• 2:20:52
  honored to be the special guest to be able to speak at Lady D's Day.
• 2:20:58
  This is her first annual UH Millionaire Mentorship. Inspire Lives presents her first
• 2:21:03
  annual Lady D. They here in using It's a community of celebration and I'm
• 2:21:09
  again I'm absolutely excited to be a part of this, that I'm actually uh
• 2:21:13
  the guest speaker, that I'm a special guest. I'm just got y'all just
• 2:21:18
  don't even know how excited I am for this. But if you are in
• 2:21:22
  the Houston area, y'all pull up on your girl. It is as you
• 2:21:28
  see, it's for kids and adults, but it's from seven to nine for
• 2:21:31
  children only and then from nine to twelve. I'm so sorry nine to two
• 2:21:35
  will be for adults. There will be food, there'll be drinks, vendors.
• 2:21:41
  Uh, there's gonna be giveaways. Like I'm so excited, y'all to
• 2:21:46
  even be a part of this. Also, when I let y'all know,
• 2:21:52
  I did put up a goal fund me page, I am trying to go
• 2:21:56
  to California, Los Angeles. They are having an Empowered Women Success Stomach that
• 2:22:01
  is in March of twenty twenty four in Los Angeles, and the ticket is
• 2:22:07
  so many things that come with it. The ticket is thirty five hundred dollars.
• 2:22:11
  It's the VIP package where I will have an opportunity to be a guest
• 2:22:16
  speaker as well as being a presenter at a few of the workshops. I
• 2:22:20
  will be receiving an award. I will actually be featured in the Empowered Women
• 2:22:28
  magazine. So I did post a goal from me. Any amount is not
• 2:22:31
  too small, y'all, just help me get to LA I really want to
• 2:22:35
  go. Like when I say, this is my chance to really step out
• 2:22:39
  with black Girl interrupt the podcast, y'all know how much this means to me.
• 2:22:46
  I'm trying not to get emotional, but I'm really trying to make this
• 2:22:50
  my career. So I'm really trying to put myself in a position where I'm
• 2:22:54
  able to elevate and pivot myself to the next level by being able to network
• 2:22:58
  with like minded people that could so help to elevate me to the next level.
• 2:23:01
  So again I will repost my goal fundily link. You donate a dollar,
• 2:23:07
  two dollars, three dollars, anything will help and it's all appreciated.
• 2:23:13
  Again, I'm absolutely humble for the invite again to be participating at Lady d
• 2:23:20
  Day here in Houston, being one of the special guests, and then being
• 2:23:24
  invited to the Empowered Women's Success Summit in Los Angeles, California in March of
• 2:23:31
  twenty twenty four. So again, I love you guys. I appreciate you
• 2:23:35
  guys again. Don't forget. Oh, let me go ahead and put this
• 2:23:41
  out here. Black Girl Interrupted will now be on Tuesdays and Wednesdays now at
• 2:23:46
  excuse me, football season is in full twing Black Girl Interrupted will be on
• 2:23:54
  Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then again, Black Girl Interrupted presents the Black Carpet
• 2:23:58
  Expert will be launching next month, and I'm so excited, y'all. I
• 2:24:03
  cannot wait for those that dude, I know, the show out the video
• 2:24:09
  and then we're gonna go ahead and wrap it up. So yes, your
• 2:24:54
  girl is excited that I am now expanding my brand that will launch next month.
• 2:25:00
  It will most likely probably be the third Saturday in September. I need
• 2:25:03
  to check my calendar and make sure. But Black Girl Interrupted presents the Black
• 2:25:09
  Carpet Experience. I want to spot like black owned business owners entrepreneurs if you're
• 2:25:15
  a rappers, singer, dance or whatever it is that you do. I
• 2:25:18
  want to spotlight you. I want to interview you. I want to know
• 2:25:20
  how you got started all those beautiful things. But that I will be doing
• 2:25:24
  those on Saturdays, maybe every maybe two Saturdays a month. I will be
• 2:25:31
  doing my interviews. I want to see how it goes. But again,
• 2:25:35
  Black Girl Interrupted the podcast will be on Tuesdays and Wednesdays again because football season
• 2:25:41
  is now when full swing, and y'all know how I feel about my Saints.
• 2:25:46
  Oh thank you, sisty. Oh yes, And I'm really excited.
• 2:25:50
  Like I said, I'm really trying to take Black Girl Interrupt that podcast to
• 2:25:52
  the next level and baby steps, you know, small thing to a giant.
• 2:25:58
  I celebrate all accomplishments, big, smaller in between. But again,
• 2:26:03
  tomorrow night, that's the Empowered album. You know, sometimes you have to
• 2:26:09
  encourage yourself. So that's what we're gonna be doing on tomorrow night. And
• 2:26:13
  uh, like I said, bring a friend, tell a friend, like
• 2:26:15
  share, common, subscribe, let me know what you want. The website
• 2:26:20
  is up. I do have it up and running, so you can go
• 2:26:22
  to black Girl Interrupted podcast dot com. That will take it di record to
• 2:26:26
  the website. I'm gonna start uploading new episodes weekly, maybe putting some old
• 2:26:33
  episodes up for y'all to go back and check again. Don't forget to like,
• 2:26:37
  share, and subscribe to Black Girl Interrupted on YouTube. Follow me on
• 2:26:41
  Instagram, Follow me on Twitter, Follow me on Facebook. I'm all over
• 2:26:45
  the place. You can listen to me to wherever you stream your podcasts,
• 2:26:48
  whether it's Apple, Google, Spotify. iHeart theser. I'm there. And
• 2:26:54
  on that note, I just want to say I love you guys again.
• 2:26:56
  I appreciate y'all coming and tuning in your girl to night, appreciate the conversations,
• 2:27:01
  the comments, all of that is the beautiful thing. Again. I'm
• 2:27:05
  deeply humbled. Oh but I love you guys. Tomorrow night again. Thursday
• 2:27:11
  night, eight thirty pm, such a time, nine thirty Eastern Time.
• 2:27:15
  Again in power album. Let's Sometimes you just have to encourage yourself. But
• 2:27:20
  I love you guys. Enjoy the rest of your night and I'll see y'all
• 2:27:22
  tomorrow. Love you, Hi,