Latest / Your Effin’ Love Story / Episode 58 |Justify This: I Don't Owe Anyone an Explanation for My Life. And Neither Do You.

Transcript

Episode 58 |Justify This: I Don't Owe Anyone an Explanation for My Life. And Neither Do You. · Your Effin’ Love Story

• 0:36
  Alright,
• 0:36
  here's another episode of The Real
• 0:37
  Empowered Self with Chase Murphy.
• 0:39
  I'm your host, I'm the creator,
• 0:40
  and I'm the person that is solely
• 0:41
  responsible for the content
• 0:43
  and the stuff that you hear.
• 0:44
  Anyhow, Justify This.
• 0:48
  That is the title
• 0:48
  of this particular episode,
• 0:50
  and it has been brought to my attention
• 0:52
  on a couple of different occasions.
• 0:53
  For those who find themselves
• 0:55
  to be particularly spiritually advanced,
• 0:58
  it just seems
• 0:58
  like you're trying to justify
• 1:00
  your happiness.
• 1:03
  And you're doing a comparative.
• 1:05
  It's as if you're trying to let
• 1:06
  everyone know things were so bad
• 1:08
  and now they're so good.
• 1:10
  You think?
• 1:12
  Really?
• 1:13
  You think?
• 1:14
  So there's a couple...
• 1:15
  Fuck.
• 1:16
  There are many different ways to approach
• 1:18
  this.
• 1:19
  My approach is this.
• 1:20
  I can talk about,
• 1:22
  for example, here you go.
• 1:24
  This is episode 54
• 1:25
  and it's called Justify This.
• 1:27
  Now,
• 1:28
  as I've said before,
• 1:29
  when I post it is when I fucking post it.
• 1:32
  It's number 54.
• 1:34
  Actually, it's probably more like 67,
• 1:36
  but I don't keep them all.
• 1:38
  I don't post them all.
• 1:39
  Either I like it or I don't.
• 1:41
  Here's my point.
• 1:41
  Today is May 20th, 2023.
• 1:44
  My son would have been 24 years old
• 1:45
  had he lived.
• 1:47
  He did not live.
• 1:48
  He died July 31st, 1999,
• 1:49
  but he was born May 20th, 1999.
• 1:52
  So I can, as I did for a very long time,
• 1:57
  allow his death
• 1:59
  and that challenge to all of my faith
• 2:02
  and all of my belief.
• 2:03
  Here's what I'm getting at.
• 2:05
  When my son died,
• 2:06
  that challenged everything that I thought
• 2:10
  I knew about life.
• 2:13
  Not just religion, not just parenthood,
• 2:16
  not just the sanctity of life.
• 2:18
  It challenged every fucking thing.
• 2:22
  But at the time,
• 2:23
  I didn't have
• 2:24
  the awareness that I have now.
• 2:27
  So his death almost destroyed me.
• 2:30
  Okay.
• 2:30
  And over the years, people say, Oh,
• 2:32
  I'm so sorry, you poor thing.
• 2:34
  And I get it.
• 2:37
  But see now when I share that story,
• 2:40
  it does not have
• 2:41
  the emotional impact that it once had.
• 2:44
  And it doesn't because I don't take it
• 2:46
  personally.
• 2:47
  It doesn't destroy me
• 2:49
  because I understand.
• 2:51
  I didn't understand that I had questions.
• 2:54
  Why did this happen to me?
• 2:56
  Was I not, excuse me.
• 2:57
  Was I not the right kind of father?
• 2:59
  Had I sinned too much?
• 3:01
  Was I wrong?
• 3:02
  Uhuh.
• 3:02
  I don't have those questions anymore.
• 3:04
  And here's what I want to share with you
• 3:05
  all.
• 3:05
  When you get to a particular point
• 3:07
  in your life,
• 3:07
  you're going to make some decisions.
• 3:10
  And those who are around you may say,
• 3:12
  well, my God, you've changed so much.
• 3:15
  You're almost kind of unlikable.
• 3:16
  You're almost arrogant.
• 3:18
  So be it.
• 3:19
  So be it.
• 3:19
  At some point,
• 3:20
  you have to understand
• 3:21
  that you are not beholden
• 3:23
  to any other living
• 3:24
  being on this planet other than self.
• 3:26
  And I know that sounds like selfishness.
• 3:28
  Well, because it is.
• 3:30
  All right.
• 3:30
  And we'll talk
• 3:30
  about that at some other time.
• 3:32
  But here's what if if if you hear nothing
• 3:37
  else that I say, then hear this.
• 3:40
  You cannot live someone else's life.
• 3:43
  No one else can live through you
• 3:45
  vicariously any more
• 3:46
  than you can live through someone else
• 3:48
  vicariously.
• 3:49
  I don't give a shit how many social media
• 3:51
  accounts you have or platforms.
• 3:53
  I don't care how eloquent they are,
• 3:55
  how wonderful a writer they are.
• 3:57
  You cannot live someone else's life.
• 3:59
  The only life that you can live
• 4:01
  is your own.
• 4:02
  So in my case,
• 4:03
  you figure you had the childhood violence
• 4:05
  from my parents,
• 4:07
  what took place with the neighbor,
• 4:08
  the death of my son,
• 4:09
  and a whole host of other things.
• 4:12
  So if I were to off myself as I tried
• 4:13
  to do November 2nd of 1994, people
• 4:17
  would understand, Well,
• 4:18
  he had a lot of psychological trauma.
• 4:20
  He had posttraumatic trust.
• 4:22
  Now, mind you, I am not knocking that.
• 4:24
  I am not denigrating it,
• 4:25
  and I'm not saying that it doesn't work
• 4:27
  or that it doesn't happen
• 4:28
  or that it's not painful
• 4:29
  or that it's not uncomfortable.
• 4:31
  I'm talking about my experience,
• 4:33
  and fuck anybody else who thinks
• 4:34
  that they can tell me otherwise.
• 4:35
  It is what I lived.
• 4:37
  I'm not talking about what you lived.
• 4:39
  I'm not denigrating how you've lived,
• 4:41
  and I'm certainly not saying
• 4:43
  that your life was worse than mine
• 4:45
  or that your life was better than mine.
• 4:47
  I'm simply saying, at some point,
• 4:50
  you have got to stop
• 4:52
  and recognize your experiences
• 4:55
  have brought you to this moment.
• 4:57
  You cannot go and delete
• 4:59
  or take away
• 5:00
  from the experiences that have already
• 5:04
  happened.
• 5:06
  What you can do, however,
• 5:07
  is begin to analyze your decisions
• 5:10
  and your relationship with your thinking
• 5:12
  about those experiences
• 5:14
  so that you don't have to keep rehashing
• 5:17
  and reexperiencing things of a similar
• 5:20
  nature.
• 5:21
  Now, the death of my son,
• 5:25
  the death of my dreams,
• 5:26
  the death of marriages,
• 5:27
  the death of hopes,
• 5:28
  the death of a lot of different things.
• 5:30
  Well, no, it's not the same.
• 5:31
  I'm not asking for your fucking
• 5:32
  explanation and your understanding
• 5:34
  in that regard.
• 5:35
  I'm saying that his death,
• 5:36
  though physical,
• 5:38
  was also symbolic of many
• 5:39
  of the things that have taken place
• 5:41
  in my life and has taken me
• 5:42
  a very long time to get here.
• 5:44
  So here's what I'm getting
• 5:45
  at with this episode.
• 5:46
  You don't have to justify your life
• 5:49
  to a single living being.
• 5:51
  Your life is your own.
• 5:53
  You don't owe anybody
• 5:53
  any fucking explanations.
• 5:55
  You don't owe anybody shit
• 5:57
  except yourself.
• 6:02
  Take the time to get to know
• 6:06
  who you are.
• 6:10
  And if you don't want to do that,
• 6:11
  then allow yourself to get to know
• 6:13
  who you would like to be.
• 6:16
  No one can take that away from you.
• 6:19
  I don't care what they've done to you.
• 6:21
  And I repeat,
• 6:22
  I don't care what they have done to you.
• 6:25
  I don't give a shit how bad it was.
• 6:29
  No one can take away who you really are.
• 6:36
  Love be with you.
• 6:37
  I'm out.