Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why you feel SORRY for the Narcissists sometimes

Transcript

Why you feel SORRY for the Narcissists sometimes · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people.
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be talking about why sometimes you might
• 0:06
  actually feel sorry or feel bad for your narcissistic partner or
• 0:10
  parent or whoever. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:12
  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
• 0:14
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:33
  Boom. Welcome back, welcome back,
• 0:35
  welcome back folks. Yes, yes, yes.
• 0:37
  Why? Sometimes, sometimes you might
• 0:40
  just feel sorry for the narcissist, like, yeah, it's
• 0:43
  understand. Like if you are an empath or
• 0:45
  have any level of compassion in your heart at all, this video is
• 0:50
  going to make sense for you. If you're a narcissist, hey, you
• 0:53
  might, hey, it might make it might make a little, it might
• 0:56
  make a little bit of sense little bit, you know what I
• 0:58
  mean? But for most people that are
• 1:00
  dealing with toxic narcissistic people, this video is going to
• 1:03
  make sense because like you are an empathetic person, you have
• 1:06
  compassion, you have empathy. You actually might care.
• 1:10
  You might you might have a lot of care in your heart for this
• 1:13
  person that you've been dealing with or people that you're
• 1:14
  dealing with, right. And like I said, it's because
• 1:17
  you might know their story. One of the main reasons you
• 1:20
  might feel sorry for the narcissist is because you might
• 1:23
  know their story. You might know what has
• 1:26
  contributed to making them who they are, to make it us who we
• 1:31
  are. You know, I had the personality
• 1:32
  disorder as well and I fall into this category.
• 1:34
  So it's just like making them into who they are because like,
• 1:39
  you know that story, like you know that story, you might know,
• 1:41
  you might have grown up with them.
• 1:43
  You might have came from the same city, you might have had
• 1:45
  friends and family that knew who they are, right?
• 1:47
  You might have went to high school together or something
• 1:49
  along those lines. Like you might know their story
• 1:52
  just from that. You might know their upbringing,
• 1:54
  their childhood. They might actually share this
• 1:56
  with you. And if they share it with you,
• 1:58
  it will make even more sense while you feel a certain type of
• 2:01
  way, right? If they share what happened to
• 2:03
  their what happened to them in their childhood, it might make
• 2:06
  even more sense as to why they are the way they are, right?
• 2:10
  Like you understand it. You like say you might, you
• 2:13
  yourself might, what's the word I'm looking for?
• 2:16
  You yourself might vibe with them.
• 2:18
  I'm going to find a better word in a few minutes.
• 2:20
  You yourself might vibe with them because you had a similar
• 2:22
  childhood, but you didn't turn out to be a narcissist.
• 2:25
  You turned out to be an empathetic person.
• 2:26
  You turned out to have a lot of compassion and whatnot.
• 2:28
  You might have had a similar experience.
• 2:31
  So you understand what they're coming from and you might feel
• 2:33
  sorry for them. You might feel you might.
• 2:36
  Oh man, well, I dated Lee for so long and Lee was just so
• 2:40
  emotionally horrible to me, so emotionally abusive towards me.
• 2:43
  Like, but guess what? You know, he had a bad
• 2:46
  childhood. So it explains, you know, he had
• 2:48
  a bad childhood. So I just feel bad for him.
• 2:49
  I don't want to, I don't want to abandon him like his mom did or
• 2:52
  I don't want to abandon him like his dad did.
• 2:54
  I don't want to, you know, be abusive to him like his parents
• 2:57
  or his uncle or his grandma or his caretakers, whoever, whoever
• 3:01
  it was in his childhood that did it to him.
• 3:03
  I don't want to be like them. I don't want to contribute to
• 3:06
  that. And so many people fall into
• 3:08
  this category right here where you don't want to contribute to
• 3:11
  the narcissist, right? You don't want to contribute to
• 3:14
  their what their upbringing. You don't don't you don't want
• 3:16
  to contribute to who they are right now.
• 3:18
  So this make it makes sense, doesn't it doesn't make sense to
• 3:22
  you to feel bad for them in this circumstance right here.
• 3:25
  It makes absolute sense, doesn't it?
• 3:27
  I know you're like, well damn, Lee, that does make sense.
• 3:28
  It kind of explained why I'd be feeling bad for a person who's
• 3:33
  been abusive towards me, maybe even physically abusive towards
• 3:36
  them. Well, Lee, he got physically
• 3:38
  ill. She got physical abuse when they
• 3:39
  were growing up. So all she know how to do is
• 3:41
  physically abuse. So in your mind, that makes
• 3:44
  sense to you in your mind, in your mind, you just like, OK, I
• 3:48
  feel bad for them. You're empathy.
• 3:50
  But you know what happens to narcissists when you feel bad
• 3:52
  for them? Typically, not all the time, but
• 3:56
  typically they use it against you.
• 3:58
  They are. Narcissistic people are masters
• 4:02
  at using your empathy and your compassion and your kindness and
• 4:05
  your niceness and your forgiveness against you.
• 4:08
  Your niceness, your empathy will be returned to a missile.
• 4:12
  It's like you when you're giving empathy to the wrong person,
• 4:15
  it's like giving them, giving somebody who's trying to hurt
• 4:17
  you a weapon. Like the narcissist has an
• 4:20
  unloaded gun or whatever. Now you're giving them bullets
• 4:22
  to hit you with. You see what I'm saying?
• 4:24
  They were, they had blanks, but now they have real bullets
• 4:26
  because now they have your compassion.
• 4:28
  Now they have your empathy on their side and they will use it
• 4:31
  against you. That's why sometimes when you
• 4:33
  know their upbringing, when you know their childhood and they've
• 4:36
  been abusive to you, they said the most horrible things to you.
• 4:39
  They've done you wrong in any in every single way possible.
• 4:42
  That's why at the end you might actually feel bad for them.
• 4:46
  And yeah, they they'll send you a video, a message to them,
• 4:48
  picture of them crying and whatever.
• 4:50
  It's just like, what the heck? You mean, what the hell?
• 4:54
  Yeah. You they send you a picture and
• 4:56
  a video of them crying or something like that.
• 4:57
  And yeah, it does it work on you?
• 4:59
  Yeah. Because you got to say like,
• 5:00
  well, I had never seen them cry before.
• 5:02
  I didn't know they had the ability to cry because they're
• 5:04
  they're crying, so it must be real, right?
• 5:08
  They're crying, so they must be telling them the truth, right?
• 5:10
  They're getting emotional with me.
• 5:11
  So they must be expressing themselves.
• 5:13
  They must have a there must be some vulnerability there.
• 5:16
  No, if they are being vulnerable right there, it's because
• 5:19
  they're being, they're being vulnerable right there.
• 5:21
  It's because they want you. They want to weaponize.
• 5:23
  They know you're going to feel something for them.
• 5:26
  They know you're going to feel it.
• 5:27
  They know you're going to like, it's going to surprise you.
• 5:28
  You're going to shock you. Oh, they must be.
• 5:30
  They must be opening up to me because they're sending me these
• 5:33
  videos. They're going to open.
• 5:34
  They must be opening up to me because so they're sending
• 5:36
  these, leaving these voicemails to them, crying and begging.
• 5:38
  Please, baby, please, can you call me back?
• 5:40
  Please, baby, please, please, baby, please, please, please,
• 5:43
  please. You see what I'm saying?
• 5:44
  That's the type of stuff that happens to so many people.
• 5:47
  Like they'd be begging and pleading with you to come back
• 5:49
  into your life. They'd be hurting you, harming
• 5:51
  you and trying their hardest to trying to damn this to come back
• 5:54
  into your life in some way, shape or form.
• 5:56
  They do it over and over and over again.
• 5:59
  They just do the same things over and over and over again.
• 6:01
  This is the mindset. This is the mentality of
• 6:03
  narcissistic people right here, y'all.
• 6:05
  And this is not even trying to just harp on nobody, rag nobody,
• 6:08
  but this is how their minds works.
• 6:11
  It's it really does. When you feel bad for me, I use
• 6:15
  it against you, not me personally, not Lee Hammock.
• 6:17
  But when you feel bad for the narcissist in your life, they
• 6:19
  use it against you. I thought you understood what
• 6:23
  I've been through in the childhood.
• 6:25
  That's why I be cheating on you, because you know my past.
• 6:30
  And it doesn't always have to be childhood either, y'all.
• 6:32
  It can actually be an adulthood. It can actually be some
• 6:35
  adulthood trauma. They they might have gotten
• 6:37
  cheated on or they might have like their wife or husband might
• 6:40
  have left them in their previous relationship, right?
• 6:43
  But it was like I said, very rarely do they tell the truth
• 6:45
  about these situations. They can, they can be, they can
• 6:48
  manufacture trauma as well. Not all the time is it going to
• 6:52
  be the truth that they drop on you sometimes they're going to
• 6:54
  manufacture trauma to drop on your own.
• 7:00
  They're going to manufacture trauma to drop on your head.
• 7:04
  They will, They will absolutely manufacture trauma to drop onto
• 7:08
  you. This is the mindset, this is the
• 7:10
  mentality of narcissistic people.
• 7:13
  They will weaponize it against you.
• 7:15
  They absolutely will. This is the type of stuff that
• 7:17
  they do. This is the type of stuff that
• 7:19
  they say. This is the type of pain that
• 7:20
  they'll put you through. And like I said, you'll be
• 7:22
  hurting. You'll be, you'll be hurting.
• 7:24
  You'll be crying from the abuses you suffer and they'll be crying
• 7:26
  because they hurt you, right? They'll be crime because they
• 7:29
  can't believe they let their past relationship come into this
• 7:33
  relationship. I can't believe I let my ex part
• 7:35
  my ex as a horrible human being. I can't believe I let them
• 7:38
  influence how I treat you. I can't believe I let them do
• 7:41
  this. I can't believe they somehow
• 7:44
  made their way into my relationship.
• 7:45
  Now you can believe it because it happens over and over again.
• 7:49
  Well, how do we know? How do we know it's not real?
• 7:51
  Because it's temporary. It's temporary.
• 7:53
  They just want to get back into your life.
• 7:55
  If they've done you wrong, you've left them and now they're
• 7:58
  showing me some emotional vulnerability.
• 8:00
  They just want to be back into your life in some way, shape or
• 8:02
  form. Well, Lee, how we know what
• 8:05
  without giving another chance? How much time you got?
• 8:07
  How much time you got? How much time are you willing to
• 8:10
  give this person? And don't tell them, hey, I need
• 8:13
  you to be on your best behavior for for two months and we can
• 8:15
  get together. If I'm them, I'm going to be on
• 8:18
  my best behavior for two months. Why wouldn't I if all I got to
• 8:22
  do is act right for two months to get you get back into your
• 8:25
  life? Hell yeah, I'm going to do that.
• 8:26
  Why wouldn't I do that? Why wouldn't I do that?
• 8:30
  You see what I'm saying? Why wouldn't I do that?
• 8:34
  If it's going, if that's all it takes, if that's what it's going
• 8:36
  to work, then yes, I'm going to do that.
• 8:39
  That's the mentality of narcissistic people.
• 8:41
  They would do something that you give them a checklist.
• 8:44
  They're going to check stuff off.
• 8:45
  They want you to feel bad for them, Willie.
• 8:49
  They've been cheated, cheated on me 14 times, but they've been
• 8:52
  jobless for the last 7. They've been jobless for the
• 8:54
  last three years. They don't have anywhere else to
• 8:56
  go, but they just won't stop cheating.
• 8:57
  Kick they asses out. I don't want them to be
• 9:00
  homeless. I just feel bad because you
• 9:02
  know, there's just, I get it. But again, if you don't kick
• 9:06
  them out, they're going to be keep doing the same thing over
• 9:08
  and over again. I'm just telling you, of course,
• 9:12
  use the of course, use discretion, make a plan or
• 9:14
  whatever. But of course, like they're
• 9:16
  going to take advantage of your empathy.
• 9:18
  They're going to weaponize that against you because it works.
• 9:21
  Believe how can I get this to stop?
• 9:23
  You got you got to be you have to give empathy and moderation.
• 9:26
  You can't just give be given out to everybody like Oprah.
• 9:28
  You get empathy, you get some empathy.
• 9:31
  Everybody gets some empathy because you won't give it to the
• 9:34
  wrong person and they're going to use it against you.
• 9:37
  They're going to weaponize it against you and make you feel
• 9:39
  make you feel like a horrible human being.
• 9:41
  Well, like, damn, I just who who who can we give it to?
• 9:43
  Then you give it to the people you feel the safest with.
• 9:46
  Which narcissist typically make you feel safe in the beginning,
• 9:48
  But it takes you take care of time.
• 9:50
  Y'all take your time. It's time going to out every
• 9:53
  single narcissist. No, you know, giving them enough
• 9:56
  time. They they don't always out
• 9:58
  themselves early on, y'all, but giving people time you like
• 10:01
  taking your own time will allow you the ability to give them the
• 10:05
  give them the option to out themselves.
• 10:08
  You know what I mean? It gives them the option to out
• 10:10
  themselves and whatnot. Look at that's how it goes.
• 10:14
  Like when you feel bad for them, just think how many times, how
• 10:17
  many times are they going to are they going to do the same thing
• 10:19
  over and over again? You mean, well, you feel bad for
• 10:22
  them because you know their past, you know their history you
• 10:25
  might like or you don't or you don't know, they might have lied
• 10:27
  to you about it, right? They might have absolutely lied
• 10:29
  to you about their past or their history, right?
• 10:33
  They might have absolutely done that.
• 10:34
  So how many times are they going to be able to use their
• 10:37
  childhood as an excuse? How many times are they going to
• 10:41
  be use their upbringing or their their past relationship trauma
• 10:44
  as an excuse? How many times are you going to
• 10:47
  let them come back in when they haven't done any work they
• 10:49
  haven't done, any change they haven't done, they haven't put
• 10:51
  any effort in No effort. Get a little muscle content.
• 10:57
  We need a little muscle. But they're serious y'all.
• 11:01
  How many times these these are questions you have to ask
• 11:03
  yourself seriously. Anyway, y'all hope you leave if
• 11:08
  you made it this far. October no October, November 2nd
• 11:12
  and November 3rd will be in Dallas and Houston, TX.
• 11:15
  November 2nd we'll be in Dallas. November 3rd we'll be in
• 11:18
  Houston, TX for our next in person workshops.
• 11:20
  You can find more information at mentalhillness.net/events.
• 11:25
  Get registered up and you enter the end of the video.
• 11:27
  Enter code MENTAL MENTAL 10 for a discount.
• 11:31
  I said it's not very. It's not very pricey in the 1st
• 11:34
  place for a good workshop. Anyways, Houston and Dallas, we
• 11:36
  will see you in November. Mental Hillness is up.
• 11:39
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:41
  I'm extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
• 11:44
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:46
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 11:48
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
• 11:50
  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 11:52
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 11:54
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 11:56
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 11:58
  video. Peace.