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Diva Mia: Living by the Golden Rule in Modern Relationships · The Diva Details

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  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  Hello everyone, this is Diva Mia. I hope you're having a wonderful day.
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  I wanted to talk to you a little bit about the Golden Rule.
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  And the Golden Rule has been around for a really long time. It actually originates
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  in the Bible, Matthew 7, 12.
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  It basically states, so in everything, do to others that you would have them
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  do to you. For this sums up the law and the prophets.
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  I'm not going to get very religious on you today. However, I did want to let
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  you know that this one rule, I personally believe, would change the world.
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  If everyone just followed this one rule, the world would be a better place.
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  People a lot of times forget that when they're being negative to other people
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  or nasty, or even in traffic when you're having a road rage incident,
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  is that how you would like other people to treat you?
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  And I'm going to kind of focus today on the golden rule when it comes to dating,
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  because I think a lot of us, we get into relationships.
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  Sometimes we even stay in relationships where people are treating us not the
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  way we would we treat them or would want to be treated.
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  So let's focus today a little bit on the golden rule as far as your life goes.
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  So one of the things it's important as far as modern dating goes is if you don't
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  want to be ghosted, don't ghost other people.
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  If you don't like it when people give you breadcrumbs, don't give other people breadcrumbs.
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  If you don't like it when people are over the top and lump on you, don't do that either.
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  I think we teach people how we want to be cared for and we teach people how
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  we want to be loved, especially us as women.
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  In the very beginning, I think women show men exactly how they want to be treated
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  and exactly how they want to be loved.
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  And then a lot of times what happened is a man doesn't reciprocate and then
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  a woman tends to treat them the way that they're being treated.
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  When you do that, you start to lose a part of yourself. So what I want you to
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  focus on is don't back away from who you are.
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  Treat other people the way you want to be treated, and if for some reason they
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  are treating you poorly, maybe it's time to find someone else. You need to be honest.
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  Don't string people along if they're not the one. And communicate.
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  They should be respectful of you and you should be respectful of them,
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  but communicate and tell them what you want, especially if you expect them to
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  tell you what they want. You should be dating with intention.
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  I know a lot of people are out there just dating around, and that may be fine for some people.
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  I think the whole point is to get to know someone to a point where you can actually
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  find a relationship that you enjoy.
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  And not everybody wants to get married right away, and that's fine.
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  But I do think you should be dating with intention.
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  Don't date just out of boredom or ego.
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  Some people want to date just because they want to have somebody on their arm
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  or somebody to go on dates with because they're bored.
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  But that's not a good way to spend time with someone. Remember,
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  our time is our most valuable commodity.
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  I don't care who you are. It is limited.
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  So whenever you spend time with someone, make sure it's valuable time.
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  Make sure you make every day the most important. Empathy goes a long way.
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  If you have empathy towards other people and they don't give you empathy back
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  or are cold or callous, they probably don't belong in your circle.
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  Now, if you're cold and callous to other people, expect to get cold and callousness back.
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  Emotional maturity requires empathy in relationships.
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  When you're nice to other people, you expect them to be nice back.
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  And a lot of times in the beginning, people will give you hints as to who they
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  are. They will show you that they string you along or they text a little bit
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  and then they ghost you for a week and then they come back and text you again.
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  That's not a good empathetic and emotionally mature relationship.
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  That's a very manipulative relationship.
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  Boundaries are great to set when you have relationships like that.
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  Eventually, you probably just need to move on. Some people move on right away.
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  I am the type of person that, because I want somebody to give me a second chance
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  if I mess up, I'll give a couple chances to a person, two, three,
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  four chances. But eventually I will tire.
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  And when I leave, I don't come back. If I'm gone, I'm done.
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  That's my new boundary. It used to be I would stick around way longer than I
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  need to. But now I just leave. If I'm not happy, I tell them.
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  Many times as to what I'm looking for, and if they can't provide it,
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  it's okay, because someone else can.
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  You can treat people kindly and still say no. Boundaries are there to help you
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  protect you, but you don't need to be mean when you're setting boundaries.
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  I remember when I first started setting boundaries, I felt like me having boundaries
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  was mean to the other person, and it's not.
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  You having boundaries are there to protect you, but it also allows the other
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  person to move on if it's not a good match.
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  Some boundaries you might want to say is that I'm not ready to move super quickly.
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  I want to get to know you first. Personally, I don't tolerate disrespect.
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  Even when it's joking disrespect, I don't tolerate it. And if somebody disrespects me, I will move on.
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  I don't disrespect other people and I expect that same level of respect back.
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  I need time to be alone as well and recharge.
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  I like it when people text me. A text is nice or even a phone call,
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  but there are times when I go inward and I just recharge.
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  The golden rule plus boundaries is going to give you a super balanced dating life.
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  Think about following the golden rule when you date, put your boundaries in
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  place, and you will have emotional maturity just like that.
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  You will be able to tell people how you feel, you will tell them exactly how
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  you feel, exactly what you want with your boundaries, and you will treat them
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  the way you expect to be treated.
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  Now think about this from a dating perspective.
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  If everyone showed the other person how they wanted to be treated,
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  and there's no fakeness, there's no mask, I think people spend and waste too
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  much time having masks and having fakeness and aren't honest with the people they're dating.
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  You should tell them exactly how you are. Now, I have a friend that says,
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  I need to take it slower and I need to unravel.
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  And when I'm dating someone, I should not tell my life story so soon or let them in so quickly but
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  My perspective is if they don't like me after they hear who I am or know what I'm like, that's okay.
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  They're probably not the right person for me. I don't want to be deceptive.
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  I don't wear a mask. I'm not there to manipulate a partner.
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  Honestly, the person I want is not going to be someone that enjoys being manipulated.
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  The person I want is someone that's going to be honest with me,
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  that's going to be open, that's going to tell me how they like things,
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  and then it's a communication.
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  And you don't have to like everything and be just like the other person,
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  100%. In fact, the differences are what make relationships super special.
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  But you do need to be honest.
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  At least that's my perspective. If you're a manipulator, you might find another
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  manipulator, and maybe you like that game.
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  Maybe you like to manipulate each other. There again, the golden rule then applies
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  to you. For me, I want honesty and open communication.
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  You need to find what you want and what you're looking for, and everyone's a
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  little bit different. I like it when someone is not flaky and is consistent
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  and shows care and consideration.
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  If you're dating someone and they're not texting you at least once a day,
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  I don't know if you actually are dating that person.
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  It's weird. You also don't want to be an over-the-top people pleaser and constantly
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  when someone doesn't text, you text them. You need to be respectful of both sides' needs.
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  And maybe you're dating someone who only wants to text you once or twice a week
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  and maybe you're okay with that.
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  It depends on what your needs are. One of the big things is that you can find
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  and you can see remnants of what the person is going to be like early on.
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  So if they give you attention and care that you need at the level you want early
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  on, hopefully they will continue.
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  If you see to start waiver after you've been with the person,
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  maybe you've been intimate with the person, or you've been dating them for a
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  while and they just stop communicating with you as much as you want, have the conversation.
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  If they don't respond to the conversation, maybe it's time to find someone else. Gaslighting.
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  Is big in dating. Your feelings matter.
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  I understand gaslighting because I was gaslit for a long time in a relationship,
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  but your feelings do matter.
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  And it's hard sometimes when you care about a person to just walk away because
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  they will gaslight you and tell you that what you're seeing and what you're feeling is not real.
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  But it is. If you're feeling it, it's real.
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  Sometimes they say, if you love me, you do this. Or if you love me,
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  you'd stick around. or that's not reality, this is what's happening, that's not good either.
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  You need to recognize when your kindness is being exploited and manipulated.
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  Just remember that you take care of you and everything else will fall into place
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  and you will find the right person for you.
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  Sometimes I think that if you love the wrong person, things fall apart,
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  that it was a blessing from God that you will find exactly what you're looking
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  for because everything is a lesson.
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  You can love someone and still walk away, because quite frankly,
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  there's that song that sometimes love's not enough, and it's true.
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  Sometimes you can love someone deeply, you can see that you love them deeply,
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  and you may always love them deeply, but it's just not the right fit for you.
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  I'm a big believer that if you're
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  a growth-minded person, you need to find another growth-minded person.
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  Because if you find someone that's not a growth-minded person,
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  you will get sucked back into their reality. Find people who...
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  That make life fun to live, that make you feel like a kid again,
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  that make you feel like you want to feel.
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  If you don't want to feel like a kid and you want to be serious all the time, fine.
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  Find someone like that. But I want to find someone to grow young with.
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  I want to find someone to live life and be happy and enjoy things with.
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  You need to figure out exactly what that is for you so that the golden rule applies to you.
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  And when you apply the golden rule in your love life, it will just fall into place.
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  I think the golden rule is important for your friendships as well.
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  The golden rule is an amazing thing to follow, but you need to treat your friends
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  the way you want to be treated.
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  If you don't like it when people show up late, why are you showing up late when
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  you're meeting your friends?
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  If you don't like it when your friends talk behind your back,
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  why are you talking behind theirs?
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  It's time to give each other the love that we want, and you will get it back
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  tenfold. And then you have boundaries around your friends as well.
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  Boundaries are how you honor your self-worth, not just with your relationship and your partner.
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  It's how you honor your self-worth with your friends. And I think we have entirely
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  the wrong people in our lives sometimes.
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  And when things blow up, you realize who is right for your life and who is wrong.
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  And it's good to take a look at your life every once in a while.
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  And when you do look at your life, to do an evaluation and an audit and say,
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  you know what, I don't have the right people around me to help me grow.
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  Maybe you need to bring a new partner in. Now, again, I'm not advocating for divorce.
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  Maybe you need to spend more time with friends. Bringing a new partner in is
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  a choice. And if you're just dating someone and you're with someone with a negative
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  or a low growth mindset, maybe it's time to level up.
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  You teach people again how to treat you. So if you're allowing someone to drag
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  you down into their abyss.
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  Now, I am all about taking responsibility and owning when I've allowed people
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  in my life that haven't been a good fit for me.
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  However, there's an old saying that says, fire fast, hire slow.
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  I think you should not bring people into your life that are not a good fit. it.
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  And as soon as you realize they're not, you should get rid of them.
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  Because the sooner you can get rid of them, you can find someone else that is a better fit.
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  So one of the golden rules is to love others, but the boundaries is to love
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  yourself. I think your boundaries come first.
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  Love yourself first, and then with the golden rule, you can love others and
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  show others how to love you.
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  If you reflect constantly on how others are treating you and say,
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  am I allowing this to happen?
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  Then you will realize that you are letting people in your life that aren't a
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  good fit. And then when you finally get to the point in your life and say, you know what?
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  These are my boundaries. I treat others the way I want to be treated.
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  I eliminate people from my life that treat me poorly. You're going to open up
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  a door and you're going to find that just the right people come through it.
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  And there are some people you can't get away from, maybe family.
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  Maybe children, maybe an ex, but you don't have to have them around all the time.
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  Limit your access. There was actually a study down out there that anyone within
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  a four-foot radius, our energy levels intertwine. They overlap.
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  So realize if you're around someone scientifically and you're within four feet
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  of them all the time, you're going to be just like them.
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  To sum it all up from a dating perspective, if you're ghosting someone,
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  they're going to ghost you. If you don't want to be ghosted,
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  don't ghost someone else.
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  Now, at the same time, if you're texting someone and they're not replying to
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  your texts, I honestly feel like that's God's way of saying time to move on.
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  Communicate very clearly if that's what you expect in return and be honest with
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  whomever you're communicating with, even when it's uncomfortable.
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  And here's the reality about honesty. It's uncomfortable a lot.
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  Being honest is uncomfortable a lot until you do it so often that it becomes
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  your natural way of life. I am honest, sometimes to a fault,
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  to people, and sometimes people don't want to hear it, and that's okay too.
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  But I like to be around people that like honesty, and I'm not mean when I'm
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  honest, but I am truthful.
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  I believe it's so much better to be honest than to lie, even about the small stuff.
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  I don't care if my hair is messed up. If it's messed up, you should tell me.
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  I want to hear that, and I'll let you know if yours is, right?
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  But be honest. I love the person that you don't even know that you've got something
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  on your back or something on your shirt and they come and they pick it off and
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  they go, oh, just want to let you know you have this or they point it out. That's honesty.
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  I like those types of people. Whereas you've been walking around the whole day
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  and 10 people saw you and never said anything.
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  I want the person that's going to tell me the truth. Show respect to them and
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  they'll show respect back.
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  Even if you're not interested in them, I think it's so important to show respect
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  to other people, even if you don't like them. Because people deserve our respect.
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  People have been through so many challenges. They've had so many things happen
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  to them. You don't know them. Not really.
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  No one truly knows another person 100%. Even when you're married to them, they'll surprise you.
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  They'll do things that will shock you that you never imagined.
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  You never truly know anyone. But they do deserve respect, every single person
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  out there, because they've gone through issues, they've gone through trials.
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  And they're all just trying to get along in life.
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  They'll show each other respect. So even if you're not interested in this person,
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  you should tell them you're not interested.
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  And now I have had it happen where I was honest with a person and I told them
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  I wasn't interested and they kept coming and it got to the point where we're stalkers.
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  So at that point I didn't block them. But typically I don't block people on
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  my phone unless they, after I tell them I'm not interested, they keep coming.
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  You may have problems with that. So just realize your boundaries matter.
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  And I know a lot of people when somebody says something that you don't like,
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  they say, oh, just block them.
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  I won't do that. What I'll do is I'll say, you know what, I'm not interested.
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  I wish you had not done that.
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  I did not ask for that picture, maybe, or no dick pics allowed or something
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  like that. But I don't block them.
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  I know for some reason they're reaching out or they're.
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  Insecure. Their ego is treating them poorly.
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  Now, if they kept coming and sending me stuff after I asked them to stop,
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  then that would have to block. But otherwise, it's okay.
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  They're showing you who they are. You don't have to be like them.
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  You don't have to like them. But always treat them with dignity and respect.
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  If you follow the golden rule and treat everyone with dignity and respect,
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  can you imagine how great life would be?
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  Honestly, if everyone followed the golden rule, there'd be no road rage. There'd be no murder.
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  There'd be no theft. The golden rule is super important. It's super important
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  for everyone in everything we do.
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  If everyone did the golden rule, the whole world would be better.
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  Life would be better on this planet. We would treat each other respectfully.
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  Our children would be happier. Our relationships would be happier.
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  But for some reason, I don't know if it's societal.
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  I don't know if it's too much social media, if it's too much entertainment,
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  but people lose the golden rule as they get older. I disagree with that.
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  I think it's the most important rule or the most important law we have to follow.
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  If you can treat everyone for your entire life the way you want to be treated,
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  you will find out that you have some of the deepest relationships,
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  some of the best friends and some of the best connections.
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  Now, I know not everybody wants to be treated the same way, but that's okay
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  because then you would actually find your people.
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  I met on a cruise a woman that was 73 years old and she's a professional,
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  well, she competes in bodybuilding competitions in the bikini level.
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  And I met her because she knows that I'm going to be competing next year.
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  And she was such a wonderful person. And I truly feel like she was a gift from
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  God. I feel like I connected with her on a different level than I connect with
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  a lot of people. And we just talked and talked and talked.
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  And now I consider her a really good friend. And I feel like she came to me
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  at exactly the right moment because I use the golden rule.
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  And her personality, you can tell. She...
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  Follows the golden rule. She treats others the way she wants to be treated.
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  Now, I'm not in bikini competition shape, and I'm not ready for a competition,
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  but she's helping me along the way, and I truly appreciate all people like that.
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  Because following the golden rule and having boundaries means that you do help other people.
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  You just don't help other people at the expense of yourself.
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  And having limits and having boundaries, you'll still be a great person.
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  You'll just be able to still take care of yourself. I hope that helps today.
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  I hope that you get something out of this.
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  I know we struggle in life sometimes setting boundaries and being a good person, but think about it.
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  If everyone just followed this one podcast, we would all be happier.
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  We would all be more loving.
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  We would all take care of each other, but we wouldn't do it at our own expense
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  or cause ourselves to suffer in order to take care of others. So I hope this helps.
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  I hope you can take this with you into your day and just ponder on it,
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  think about it, and wonder if you could implement the golden rule.
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  And you know, a lot of our laws are written based off golden rules too.
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  Let's go forward, help each other out, make sure our boundaries are strong.
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  Let's not ghost people unless you want to be ghosted and take care of each other
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  in this world because we're all living in the same place.
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  We're all breathing the same air and we're all the same. Have a wonderful day.
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  This is Diva Mia. I am loved.
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  I hope you're having a wonderful week. Take care of yourself.
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  We love hearing from you. Visit thedivadetails.com to connect.
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  See you next week for more.
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  The opinions expressed in the podcast are solid those of the speakers and do
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  not necessarily reflect the views of any affiliated organization, sponsors, or partners.
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  All facts discussed in the podcast are researched and accurate to the best of
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  our knowledge at the time of recording. Information may change over time.
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  No guarantees are made regarding the accuracy, completeness,
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  or reliability of any statements or opinions presented. It is the responsibility
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  This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and should not
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  be considered professional advice.