Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 124: Addicted to Being Busy: Why High-Achieving Women Struggle to Rest (and How to Stop)

Transcript

124: Addicted to Being Busy: Why High-Achieving Women Struggle to Rest (and How to Stop) · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hi.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a recovering high achiever addicted to chaos, work, stress.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: I used to work, whether as a kid, as homework, or as an adult, work work, to just avoid doing things.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm being honest, because growing up in an Asian household, ugh, I hate to admit it, I didn't want to do chores.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I told my parents, I need to do homework.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I always got a way with it, a way to escape.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: And when there are problems, issues in my life, I would nosedive straight into work.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I also didn't have to deal with it because it was the one thing I could escape to, could control, because I can't control other people.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I it's ironic because I started this business and I left working for somebody else because I wanted to finally rest, right?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: But then what happened when you don't deal with your inner demons, aka go to therapy and heal?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I created this monster of a business back in 2017, but it wasn't until 2021 when I kind of woke up and I just I couldn't anymore.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't just continue to hustle and work.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's sad because that year, 2021, it took both my grandmothers who passed away to realize life is more than just work.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And my identity was based off of that success, straight A's, awards, all this stuff.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Elaine, you're such a good worker, hard worker.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, loved all of that.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: That was like reward systems.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to redefine happiness and success, honor what enough is.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: And a week ago, I just came back.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I know I'm going all personal.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's like Elaine, this is a deep intro.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, look, you read the title of this episode.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: You knew what you were gonna get yourself into, so blame yourself.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, a week ago, I just came back from Philippines celebrating my niece's wedding and my anniversary with my partner for eight years.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: We went back to my favorite island.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: Highly recommend Minolok, El Nido in Palawan, Philippines.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Last time I was there, I was with my family for four days, and that was back in 2014.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So coming back there the second time, 2025, I knew coming back I needed to go longer.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Seven days.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it was enough compared to the four days.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like for the four days I went there with my family the first time in 2014, it was rushed.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And observing, and yes, I'm an American, Filipino American, it was interesting seeing fellow American tourists versus European tourist.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Cause what do you think?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Seeing American tourist, they tried to put all the excursions and activities together within four days, like all packed.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: The Europeans, like, I'm gonna do an excursion and I'm just gonna hang out by the pool on the beach all day.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it was weird because that's how we planned it.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: But my American, like, I need to hustle and do things, like, why don't we have a packed agenda?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: It was just like one activity we would do and then just chill and relax.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad we did that.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: My nervous system needed that.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And coming back from that trip, I just came back a little over a week ago.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: And when we came back, that's when the World Series started.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm from LA.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a Dodgers fan, of course, because from here, and I felt like I haven't rested, but I came in this mindset of how can I take away from my vacation, continue it on.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: So coming back at Q4, the busiest quarter usually for my business.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was supposed to go to a conference in Miami, decided not to, because I'm already going to Dubai for a speaking engagement.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Then there were all these other events I planned to go to, paid, decided, uh, do I really need to go?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I just going because I'm just being busy?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized it's an addiction that I'm still unlearning.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And my time and energy is so much more important than money.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'm blabbing, but I feel like just even sharing the self-awareness I've had from my past to this vacation, to unlearning things from my business, to learning to embrace enough.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And you could see how like I have learned my relationship with chaos and to embrace peace and being boring.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I know that's weird.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe this, you know, if you're resonating with everything I'm saying because I'm all over the place, this episode's for you.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because maybe you are burnt out.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you are done achieving everything and you just want your life back.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: So in this episode, I don't just share my personal stories that you resonate with, but also the science behind it.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't know this, I majored, got my bachelor's in cognitive sciences.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll talk about the science of why you're addicted to chaos and wanting more busyness and what you can do to move forward for more peace and calmness.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And boring is good.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: So now grab your coffee tea or boba and let's drop the beat.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, we all talk.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: People like Elaine, your podcast, they just resonate with me so much.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And you want to know how I plan my content?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I plan my content based off of conversations I have with my clients.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, what is a topic my clients have been sharing with me?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting, even before Philippines, when I went on vacation to even coming back, there's been a shift.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like the shift has happened more so since elections of last year.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we're about, I am recording this on the eve of elections for this year in 2025.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: So by the time this comes out, elections have already passed, but I already voted.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And for those that don't know, I used to work in political campaigns because I'm very grateful for what this country has given me and my family to go from poverty to surviving, providing, and thriving.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: So here's why I decided to do this podcast.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: I work with high achievers, primarily women of color.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: I have allies who I work with.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: What matters is that we share similar values.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been interesting and liberating that every single one of my clients I'm working with now, they're just done climbing, improving.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: They want this permission to just be, not get stressed and let that consume and take over and have life beyond work.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, yes, I do work with clients who want to get to their next level.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Just recently, I I helped a client with being a partner, but as they get to the next level, I'm saying air quotes next level, but not at the expense of their peace.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: And we discover and have this conversation together.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Also, I don't want to equate quote unquote next level to working harder.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: And just a reminder, I always need to give this morning, I am not a therapist.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: So if you need further support in the conversations you hear from this episode or any of my episodes, I highly recommend finding the right therapist.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: And to find the right one for you, go to psycholytoday.com.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'll put the link in my show notes.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Use its filters, make share where you're from, because they need to be licensed in the same state or country.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have a preference, maybe specific ethnic or gender, or maybe sharing that you're a neurodivergent.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: So this episode is broken in two parts.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: One is why chaos feels like safety.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: And second is how to actually rest.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: So let's start with the first.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to talk about three different theories.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: One is the dopamine loop of achievement.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: I learned this from the National Institute of Drug Abuse.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So our brains, they they love dopamine.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's that neurotransmitter that makes us feel accomplished.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: It gives us that hit, you know, when you check something off your list, like, ooh, that felt good.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Responding to an email, deleting an email, responding to a text message, making sure there's no unread, finishing a workout.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I caught this myself when I was gone for two weeks.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: I before I went to El Nido for a week, we were at Ta'all Lake.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's still an active volcano where my niece got married, and I was posting stuff.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm not being as present.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew going to El Nido for me and my partner's eight-year anniversary, I wanted to be present.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let me not be posting so I could be completely present and not be in the loop of wanting likes, comments, engagement, looking if anyone's looking or liking.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'm glad I did that.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And how this might translate to your everyday life, which it has before.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I still am working on it.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Let's let's be real.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like I've completely overcome it.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, when your calendar is white.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, for me, I use Google Calendar.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I need to put some color in it.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Why does the whole calendar need to have color in it?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Why can't it just be empty?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Or trick yourself, put a color to not do anything.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not even kidding.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: When there are days where, for example, I just had my period, I need a day or two to do to just not work, I put do not book all in caps.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because we are just high achievers and we want to keep it busy.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: So usually what happens is high achievers, they unconsciously want to fill spaces with busyness.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: So what do you do?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, Elaine, I know this.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I know I get those dopamine hits to just color-code my whole calendar.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: It needs to be really busy.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I want you to do is every day start with one mindful win instead of doing just task all the time.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that mindful win could just be what's already happening.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it is a workout, maybe it is a sales call, maybe it's a project that you've been needing to do.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like today, I had a great call with a client, and something we are working on is exactly this.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: How do I not take things personally and have a life outside of my work?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And she is an executive, and she's like, you know what?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Today was really great.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what made today great?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: I got to see the leaves change color and I didn't let stress at work get to me.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: And isn't that amazing?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Just that simple one.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, sure, I shared that I went to the Philippines.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's a great win, but like, what are the simple things we could be grateful for?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I'm all into gratitude journals because it helps us stay present as opposed to productive.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: So throughout the day, you can ask yourself this difficult question: Am I chasing a dopamine hit or doing what actually matters?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I shared, I mean, I'm getting TMI, but even last week, I had plans to go every day do more type.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I, my body's not feeling it.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: I want to nap, I don't want to do anything, I want to stretch.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I just honored what my body wanted.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: And when you ask yourself if you're chasing the dopamine hit, like I want to just like delete all my emails, which I do.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm not gonna tell you the number of email, unread emails I need to delete or doing what actually matters.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not gonna lie, even before this call, I'm like, I'm actually there was an event I got invited to tomorrow, IRSVP'd, but I'm thinking, mm, do I really need to go?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: I have other things I need to do.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I going?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Just to show up face?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Just to prove something?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I going?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: As I'm saying this out loud, you're actually helping making a decision.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna go to the event.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is so not me, by the way.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even a year ago, I was going to all the events, right?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, do I need to go?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe this is your also hint that maybe you shouldn't go to an event or do something.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it's great because even being mindful of this, you get to rewire your brain.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm rewiring my brain in the process talking to you to get pleasure not from presence, I mean, not from productivity, but presence instead.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: All right, the second framework: the cortisol trap.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: I learned this from Harvard Health.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm the oldest daughter.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Insert ad stereotypes.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been in go mode forever.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Stress hormones not turning off.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, hey, yeah, I'm addicted to adrenaline scan, adrenaline scanning.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, think about what's gonna happen next, preparing for the worst.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: This explains why I used to work in politics and doing a lot of fundraising events, because you're just prepared, putting out fires all the time.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why when you finally stop stressing over things, you feel more tired.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And an example of this, uh, just current day.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's like watching the World Series, the Dodgers winning.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, the cortisol on that was high.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Just not anticipating what was going to happen.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: The amazing classic plays that happened on both sides of the teams.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's why on Sunday morning when I woke up after game seven, I remember telling my partner, why am I so tired?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Yeah, this is normal because you're adrenaline rush.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it's similar to, I also think about back in college or undergrad after finals and studying and doing the test when you just crash.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you always hear this all the time too, when you've been working so hard at work, then you finally go on vacation and then you're sick.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you sick?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's because your body knows you're not, you're not, you're not running off adrenaline.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Your body knows it's rested, and it's like, hey, you could be sick now.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it's being completely transparent and honest with how you're feeling, what you need.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: And you can ask yourself these questions.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: What's feeling heavy?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: How can you make things easier?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I did this recently specifically for work, and then I'll share something personal after.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, how can I get more of this?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I have a newsletter that comes out every Thursday that's free, fun, and full of real talk.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's a live journal zanger on leadership and life with actual scripts, behind-the-scenes stories, and lessons from mistakes I've made so you don't have to for work and life.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Just go to ElaineLew.com forward slash join.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's E-L-A-I-N-E-L-O-U.com forward slash join.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: All right, back to the episode.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: There's this new system I've been wanting to edit in my business.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thinking, oh, okay, it's these two people.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: This person could do this, this other person could do this.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, this feels more complicated.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you know what?
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Let me sleep on it.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm glad I listened to myself.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, wait, one person just could just own this whole project.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I making it so difficult?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it just made things more simple.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Something that's also happening right now.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh, I just go through phases with workouts.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: After two weeks of not doing Muay Thai, when I went back to Muay Thai this past week, I've gone three times.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I didn't realize how much cardio Muay Thai does.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's tiring.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: And because I haven't done it, I actually lost two pounds, which is insane.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you have to think about it, like your Muay Thai is kickbox Thai kickboxing.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're moving your body, making impact, hitting with punches and kicks.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember talking, I was actually talking to my coach today, my kickboxing coach is like, Oh, you lost weight.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I know, I was gone for two weeks, but like my cardio, oh my gosh, I'm so behind, I'm out of breath.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, like like it could be tiring because it's so much impact on your body.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm even asking myself this question do I need a break from Muay Thai?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Is this too much impact for me?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe I shouldn't be doing it as much.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: I hate that I have to admit that, but I have to be honest with myself.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: How can I make things more easier?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: And what does my body need?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, the third framework is trauma of chaos.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I learned this while reading The Body Keeps Score, which I needed to read to be trauma-informed certified.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: I will warn you the book, I mean, the book I recommend, yet with warning, it is a heavy book when reading and learning about trauma.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: So many of us, women of color, children of immigrants, let's be honest here, chaos is a baseline.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: We stay alert to survive.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: For example, like in everyday life, this sounds very LA.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: When I give directions to friends, like if I'm like passenger princess and I'm giving directions, I I give kind of like two steps ahead.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, two blocks from now, you're gonna make a left.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then the freeway on rep is gonna be to your right.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I always give steps ahead.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: I get so irritated when people give me directions last minute.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're supposed to make a left now.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, why are you telling me this right now?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Making a left, you could have told me that a street or two streets away.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: So this kind of shows up with our nervous system, right?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: We panic and we always are thinking about the future and not being present.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Even on vacation for two weeks, I got to go scuba diving for the first time.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, I don't know how to swim.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you could actually scuba dive and not know how to swim because it's two different things.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: But thankfully, having an incredible instructor, Wilson, and he was teaching us how to use the regulator that helps us breathe.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: And you're supposed to be breathing in and out with your mouth.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And before we got into the ocean, we were in this four feet pool, and I was practicing.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I was thinking worst-case scenarios, what if there's a shark?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: What if the regulator comes off?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: What if I can't breathe?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: What if I die?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was just thinking everything.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: But the number one thing he was teaching us is the importance of breathing in and out.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And let's say the regulator comes out where the oxygen tank is, it's continuing to breathe out, and then putting the regulator back in.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: So when we finally got to the ocean, and so I my whole body was submerged.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was so tense probably the first 10 minutes.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was really tense.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then afterwards, I just focused on my breath, just like Wilson shared, and my body loosened, and I got to really be present and enjoy scuba diving.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: I got to see like tadpoles come out, like an explosion of tadpoles, which were beautiful.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I got to see Nemo and Dory in real life.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I kind of wish I had a camera, but well, we didn't have a GoPro, and I just wanted to be present.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: It was so beautiful.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was so calm.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: And in the two weeks being present on my vacation, I came back home to 10 sales calls, which is insane.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about the truth of actually resting.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: A reminder, and I know it's hard for you to believe this because I am a fellow recovering high achiever.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: Rest is not laziness, it's regulation.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't know what regulation means, I know it's a word, I feel like it's trending right now.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: The word regulation simply means making sure your body feels safe and steady again.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's breathing, right?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: We see these this with athletes, like Simone Biles before she does an event.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: She's breathing in and out.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Before fighters get into the ring, they're moving their bodies and they're breathing.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's when your heart rate slows, your breathing evens out, and your mind is not constantly figuring out what's next.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're regulated, your brain shifts from survival mode, which is the amygdala, into presence and problem-solving mode, which is the prefrontal cortex.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's the space where your creativity, your intuition, and leadership thrive.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like, you know, when you take a shower and the best ideas happen, you're like, why is it happening right now?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have a piece of paper.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: By the way, I learned that there's these little post-it notes or like waterproof post-it notes you could hang in your shower.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have one of those, but I heard they exist.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, see, I should have done that research before I did this.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, I'm being present right now.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that's another thing too.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Even me being present in these episodes, I listen to other podcast shows, and I've been really annoyed with podcasts where I could tell AI scripted the hell out of the podcasts as opposed to the host being really present.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: You can just tell it's just way too perfect.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, right now, I will be transparent.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, AI helps me like outline stuff, but I'm still saying things on the fly, like clearly right now.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: All right, let me go back.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: So the truth of actually resting.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like I said, think about athletes where they're constantly taking breaths and pausing.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Dodgers is a great example.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: We thought we were gonna lose game seven, but they were just so focused and present.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And just Mickey Rojas hitting and just these outs.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, the plays were just absolutely incredible.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that's regulation, seeing individuals, seeing teams and communities pause and be present.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And being focused and ready.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: So what we could learn from athletes is it's not just doing and playing and performing, it's resting on purpose.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: They know recovery is the work.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because if they train 24-7, they get injured or burnt out.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: They need rest.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: Their muscles rebuild, their nervous system resets, they come back sharper, faster, and more present.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the same for us, even if we're not athletes.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: When we rest, we we get more clarity and creativity like we do when we take a shower.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: And our body turns into regulation.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe for you, rest looks like I know it might be hard, having multiple tabs on your computer without multitasking.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: I say this as I have a ton of tabs and windows while recording this podcast.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: I am really focused on this.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm just like, why do I have all these tabs opened?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's stepping outside for a few minutes between meetings and walking, or if you have a walking pad like I do, walk.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe after a meeting or task, instead of reaching for your phone, yeah, I know I'm calling you up, I'm calling myself out too, is actually taking some deep breaths.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, that's not wasting time to take a breather to walk.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's your body learning to be addicted to peace and not chaos.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if this episode made you breathe or rethink of how you've been addicted to chaos and finally you want rest, I know it's weird.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: I want to celebrate you for the self-awareness that you are listening.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I want you to journal about this.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Think about why perhaps you might, like me, have loved overwhelm.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: I know that sounds weird.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't love overwhelm.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Who loves overwhelm?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, well, where it may have come from.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like I shared earlier in the beginning of this episode.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: It was me not wanting to do chores.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was me because I got the compliments from my family.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: And if you know one or two friends that would resonate with this episode, share it with them.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: And if you really love this episode, take a second to leave a rating and review.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: It helps more amazing leaders like you to find this episode.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're ready to go deeper to actually practice this in your work, life, leadership, I'd love to support you personally.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: You can schedule an introductory coaching call with me at ElaineLew.com forward slash call.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: And in this 30-minute call, we'll we'll see where chaos might still be running your decisions and design a new way of leading and living when that's built more on clarity and confidence.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rest can start now.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: So take a breath.