Latest / The IDEA SANDWICH Podcast / How Leaders Who Remember Names Build Rapid Trust
Transcript
- Ara Topouzian: To make a great sandwich, you need great ingredients, and the same goes for your work and yourself. The way you layer them, balance them, and maybe even toast them a little, that's what makes something memorable. I'm Arat Capuzian, and this is the Idea Sandwich, where we mix the right layers of creativity, business, and life to make something worth biting into, because sometimes one good idea could change the way you see everything else. When I was younger, I used to think remembering names was some kind of superpower. You know those people, they walk into a room, shake 10 hands, and somehow remember every single person's name an hour later. Meanwhile, I'm standing there thinking, wait, was that Steve, Scott, Sean, I don't know, something with an S. But the older I get, the more I realize remembering names isn't really about memory, it's about attention. And maybe even more than that, it's about making people feel seen. Now I'll admit, I'm a little sensitive about this topic because my name gets butchered all the time. My name is Ara. Two syllables. Pretty simple once you hear it, but I can't tell you how many times people have known me for years still say it wrong. And listen, I understand the first few times. Totally fine. I'm not offended by that. But after a while, when someone repeatedly gets your name wrong, something starts to shift emotionally. You start realizing this may not be about pronunciation anymore. It may be about attention. And I don't think people intend harm when they do it. I really don't. But names are deeply personal. They're tied to our identity, our family, our history, who we are. So when someone remembers your name and especially says it correctly, it sends a subtle but powerful message. I see you, you matter, I paid attention. And honestly, in today's world, attention is becoming one of the most rarest forms of respect. I've seen this throughout my career. Whether it's in leadership, nonprofits, fundraising, music, business, networking, or just everyday interactions, the people who make others feel remembered have a completely different kind of presence. You remember them not because they were the loudest person in the room, but because they made the room feel smaller, more personal, and more human. Here's something I've noticed about myself recently that I find fascinating. Over the last few years, especially since Zoom became such a huge part of our lives, I realize I have a much harder time remembering people if I only met them virtually. I've had this happen many times. I'll have a great Zoom conversation with someone. We'll talk for 45 minutes, good discussion, good energy. Then three months later, I'll see them in person and they'll say, great seeing you again. And internally, I'm panicking because I know we've met, but my brain can't fully place them. And I think I finally understand why. I think my brain remembers experiences more than faces. When I meet someone in person, I remember all kinds of little details without realizing it. Their height, their posture, the way they'd walk into a room, their energy, the environment we were in, maybe what they were wearing, maybe what the room smelled like, maybe where we sat, who knows, maybe who introduced us. But our brains build context. But on Zoom, everybody becomes a head floating in a rectangle with a bookshelf behind them. There are people I've talked to five times on Zoom that I would probably walk right past at a grocery store. And I know I'm not alone in that. Virtual interaction flattens some of the human cues we subconsciously rely on to remember one another, which means we actually have to work harder to be present. And maybe that's part of the larger lesson here, presence. Because remembering names isn't really an intelligence issue. Some people think that they're bad with names, but I'm not convinced that that's entirely true. I think most of us are just distracted. You meet someone and within two seconds, your brain is already moving on. What do I say next? How do I sound? What's my response? Where's this conversation going? Meanwhile, the other person's name just floated right by unnoticed. Most people hear a name once and immediately return their focus to themselves. But the people who are exceptional at remembering names tend to do something differently. They stay present just a little bit longer. So over the years, I've developed some tricks for myself because I'm not naturally amazing at this either. One thing I do is repeat the person's name almost immediately. Nice to meet you, Jennifer. Simple, but it helps lock it in. Then I'll try to use their name naturally once more before the conversation ends. Not in a weird way where you sound like a used car salesman someone's name every two seconds, but enough to reinforce it. I also try to attach people to something memorable. Maybe it's where we met, our profession, maybe a funny moment or something that they remind me of our brains remember stories better than raw information. And when I meet someone on zoom, I intentionally pay more attention to their face. I know that sounds obvious, but it's true. I'll try to connect them to a visual memory or something unique they said, because otherwise those meetings can blend together quickly. And there's another thing I've learned. If you forget someone's name, just own it. People appreciate honesty more than fake confidence. There's nothing worse than somebody pretending they remember you while desperately trying to avoid using your name for 20 minutes. We've all done it. Hey, good to see you. How you doing, buddy? that overly enthusiastic greeting that buys you time while your brain searches for the missing file. But when someone remembers your name, it lands differently, especially today because people increasingly feel overlooked, processed or rushed, reduced to emails, screens, titles and transactions. And remembering someone's name cuts through all of that. It humanizes the interaction, it creates warmth, and it builds trust a lot faster. I've seen leaders transform relationships simply by remembering small details about people. Not because they were manipulative, because they were attentive. And there's a difference. One feels strategic, the other feels genuine. The leaders people remember most are often the ones who made other people feel recognized. I honestly think some of the most charismatic people in the world aren't necessarily the funniest, smartest, or most polished people. They're the people who make you feel like you matter when you're standing in front of them. That's a rare skill. And maybe that's the real lesson here. Remembering someone's name isn't just a memory exercise. It's a signal. It says, noticed you, I value you, you weren't invisible to me. And in a distracted world, that might be more meaningful than ever. Thanks for listening to the Idea Sandwich. I'm Ara Tapuzian. Until next time, keep leading with curiosity, paying attention to people, and finding the small lessons hidden in everyday moments. What was my name again?