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Building Confidence: Step Into Your Full Career Potential (Without Waiting to Feel Ready) · Work It Like A Mum

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Elizabeth Willis and I'm obsessed with helping as many women as possible achieve their boldest dreams after kids and helping you to navigate this messy and magical season of life.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a working mum with over 17 years of recruitment experience and I'm the founder of the Investing in Women Job Board and Community.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: In this show, I'm honoured to be chatting with remarkable women, redefining a working world across all areas of business.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: They'll tell their secrets on how they've achieved extraordinary success after children, the calendar is a fallacy, the challenges they face and find the owner of success.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: We cover a top thing as coffee with your money, mixed with an inspiring talk, sprinkled with a career advice, which is really happy for so grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure you come safe and get ready to get inspired and chase your oldest dreams on just survive Mondays.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: This episode is brought to you by Investing in Women.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Investing in Women is a job board and recruitment agency helping you find your dream part-time or flexible job with the UK's most family-friendly and forward-thinking employers.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Their site can help you find a professional and rewarding job that works for you.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: They're proud to partner with the UK's most family-friendly employers across a range of professional industries.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Ready to find your perfect job?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Search their website at investinginwomen.co.uk to find your next part-time or flexible job opportunity.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now, back to the show.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to week two of our Momentum Summer Masterclass to help you keep the momentum and keep moving in your career throughout the summer months.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm joined by Lindsay Robertson, who is the founder of Goldiger Coaching.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to be talking all about how you can build confidence and step into your full career potential without waiting.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: She's got some brilliant slides for us.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: But as we're going along, if you've got any questions, please pop them in the comments.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: It always makes this more interactive and more fun if people are, you know, commenting.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Do let us know as well if you can hear us all alright.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Pop it in the comments, pop in where you are dialing in from, where you're watching today, and what is your biggest block in building confidence?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: What's what do you think is holding you back from feeling confident in your career?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Pop it in the comments and so we can chat about it as we go.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: But thank you so much, Lindsay, for joining us.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for having me.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Happy Wednesday.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Happy Wednesday.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to tell people a little bit more about who you are, what you do before we crack off?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: So um my name's Lindsay.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I am founder of Gold Igor Coaching.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And prior to working as a coach, I used to be in corporate.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I spent 12 years working in financial services.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was a perfectionist, a people pleaser.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to control everything, help everyone, be the yes person.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought that was really going to help my career, but turns out it didn't.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I had the confidence, I didn't have the confidence to say no, to believe in myself a little bit more, to be able to kind of take those next steps.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And instead, I just felt like I was drowning completely.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Am I okay just to go into the absolutely you carry on?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect slide.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of people will be able to resonate with you on that.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's really hard, isn't it, to say no to set boundaries.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Stick to boundaries.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that is where some of the confidence comes from.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're going to work through as we go in the session today.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like Liz said, if you've got any questions, pop them in the chat.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll try and keep an update.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'll try and look at them as I'm going along, but if possible, we'll answer them at the end.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm going to be asking you questions.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So jump in the chat, talk to me.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make it just feel like I'm just chatting to Liz.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Although Liz is lovely, I also want to talk to the rest of you as well.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I just want to think about confidence as a whole.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: That most of us think that confidence is a feeling, that it's something that you either have or you don't.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Some people seem to have it effortless effortlessly.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes we treat it like a personality trait, that it's that you're either confident or you're not.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you've either got brown hair or orange hair, green eyes or blue eyes.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not something that it's not a feeling that you wait for, it's something that you have to build.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And right now you probably got more of it than you think, but you're just spending your time using confidence in the wrong places.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna come back to that.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just make sure I'm on the right slides.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: There we go.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: So quick show of hands.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Who thinks they need to be more confident?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Drop a yes or me in the chat.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's something that comes up for a lot of us that we feel like we need to be more confident, either in particular work environments, in um particular situations at home.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like it can affect lots of different parts of um our lives, but it also comes up quite a lot for us when we're thinking about career progression.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think we all need that we've got loads of guesses.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: I feel confident in some situations and not confident in others, and I think that's probably quite normal, I guess.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: So the second question is without feeling like you're like blowing your own trumpet because that is what we want, blow your own trumpet.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Who here is really good at their job?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Who is very good at their job?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Drop me a yes, drop me a me.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like you know that you're good at your job, also because you are in a role that you are fulfilling the needs, the requirements, like you are doing it.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Helen Robert Shaw, love it.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I am brilliant.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Emma, brilliant, Lisa, I love this.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: But what you've just shown me there is that you're not lacking confidence in your ability, you're lacking confidence somewhere else entirely, and that is what we're gonna be talking a little bit about today.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it is as we go through the session, I am gonna be challenging some of the mindset, some of the thoughts that we just accept automatically, and actually look at seeing how we can reframe them and shift them as we go through.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, today, what you're gonna leave with is three practical tools.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I am very visual, so there are tools here, as you can see.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we're gonna make sure that you've got three tools that you can use in different scenarios and situations in your work life.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're also gonna go away with a specific action for the week.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I really want to make sure that you walk away from this with real volume, real volume, real value, and a concrete next step.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, this has been a really nice conversation about confidence, but I know that you've joined the session, you're listening to it on replay, you're getting involved because it's something that you feel that is lacking.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And this picture here is me and my very it was my very first um filming um day that I did when I worked, when I first moved on to London um in 2014 now.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, that was me smiling with a big smile on my face, um, doing something that absolutely scared me to death, but I kind of did it anyway.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, to start with, let's think about what stops you most often when it comes to confidence in your career.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm gonna give you a couple of examples, but please feel free to share them in the comments.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Is it saying no to your manager?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Do you not feel confident pushing back on your workload?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking up when you disagree with somebody in a meeting or you've got a different point of view, putting yourself forward for a big piece of work that feels like it's bigger than what you've done before?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Is it asking for promotion or a pay rise?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a combination of all of these.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to know if there's anything specific that you're like, actually, I'm not confident in this situation and scenario.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you don't share it in the chat, that's absolutely fine.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I just want you to have a think about that for you specifically.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: But here is the pattern that you notice with those things.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: As we go through the examples that I've given, every single one is about disappointing someone.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it's saying no to your manager, you don't want to disappoint them.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Pushing back on workload, you don't want to be seen as not being a team player.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking up in a conversation where you've you've got a valid point, but you don't feel confident enough putting it across, that you don't want to be seen as a difficult one.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Putting yourself forward, you're scared what other people will think.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who does she think she is doing this?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what does that so it's all of these different things that are thinking making you think about what is confidence and what does that actually look like?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: But it is actually thinking around the disappointment of what the impact is going to be on other people.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Helen said here, I'm starting up as a freelancer, fear of the unknown.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, that is really scary.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: But what is scarier is not taking the step, not taking the leap, not taking the jump.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And as we go through the session, Helen, there'll be different examples and um tools that you can use, whilst even though we're talking more from a corporate environment, that they can there very much easily be twisted onto your scenario as well.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So as we're going through, if you need any more help, just give me a shout.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I've got a massive picture of this beautiful brain on this page, and also I think that could be like an ornament in my living room.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It looks great.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, is that a lot of the time what we're doing is fighting our brain and it's thinking about how we can reframe things that we're just telling ourselves all of the time without even realizing.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: The thing is, our brain is designed to keep us safe.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you think about pushing back, asking for a promotion, saying no, your brain is registering that as a threat.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Disappointing what somebody feeling rejected.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: That survival risk to a brain that's been trained to keep you liked, to keep you part of the group, to keep you, if you think back to when we're cavemen and women to be part of the clan, that you're not shunned away, so it's keeping you accepted.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So your brain is then in is just telling yourself that you're not ready.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're not ready because it feels safer than not being liked.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing that I really want to challenge, and this is something that I've had to challenge myself with a lot and still do, is that feelings aren't facts.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when we say to ourselves, I don't feel confident, that's not a fact.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to start questioning our feelings and where we're thinking that we're confident, we're not confident, but actually we've got to search for the and ask ask the question, is that true?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if your brain's saying, like, I'm not confident enough, we're treating that as like, okay, I can't do it.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not confident.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess also it's good to kind of lean into the fact that the difference between I'm not confident is a fact, and I'm not feeling confident right now about this situation, is just being able to kind of take yourself out of the situation and say, right, right now I'm not feeling the most confident, but it's not then a fact that your brain has just accepted as truth and you've moved on from it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we treat sorry, what were you gonna say?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying it's like we tell it, I hear this, I think we tell each tell ourselves stories, don't we, all the time.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is we're making decision, but decisions based on these.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're telling ourselves that we don't feel confident in asking for a promotion or a pay rise or having that difficult conversation.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, we're making a decision based on something that isn't true and isn't fact.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's interesting.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry to interject.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I've been listening to a lot of podcasts and stuff recently about like childhood and childhood trauma and not even necessarily trauma, but I guess if you are regressing to when you were a child and you were asking for something and the teacher said no, and you that then is imprinted on you.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's like actually we all regress.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think we're all underneath like seven-year-olds, eight-year-olds, and it's all those experiences that happened as a kid, we're just taking them into the workplace, and it's sort of shedding that and realizing that yeah, that that's no longer applicable.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And we think when we look back at like our beliefs and our values, right back from when we were children, they are all just sidestepping a minute, but the values and beliefs are all learned behaviours, they're all learned from either caregivers, um, people that we were surrounded with when we were younger, and we carry those beliefs and values into adulthood.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's only in adulthood that we've then then got the decision that actually is this my belief?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Do I actually believe this or is this something I want to change?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's a lot of work, isn't it?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is, but it is just about, and I guess what we as we're going through the session here, it's about using those pattern interrupters, I think, as like the brain has like hundreds of thousands of thoughts a day.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's it's a supercomputer, and it's just it knows what to do, it's running for the same program that it's gonna be doing that it has been doing, and it's always looking for the things to keep us safe.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but what we've got to do is without just like sitting in a corner and talking to yourself, it's like actually when you have that thought, oh, I don't really feel confident doing that, it's like, okay, so is that true?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, actually, maybe I maybe I could do it, but I just don't want to.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, why don't you want to?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because it it's I'm scared of like being rejected.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: So it might be like for Helen, for example, like deciding to be a freelancer, it's really scary.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it is really scary.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: That is a that is a fact, but also there are other things that are also true as well, so it's a great opportunity.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's going to be um ways that you can fulfil your values by deciding to do something different, so it's just about questioning.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the first thing that I want, the kind of first tool that I want to talk through is the evidence check because your brain can't argue as easily with evidence.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are saying I can't do it, or I've not got confidence, it's about thinking, not looking at what's missing, but what's already there.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you're saying to yourself, okay, I might have never um asked for a pay rise before, but I have in some situation in my life asked for something that I didn't have and that I felt uncomfortable doing.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got that lived experience, it's just in a different scenario and situation.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's then thinking about looking for those patterns of something that you might have done before, because if it's something that you've done before, you then start to feel a little bit more comfortable and confident in that in that situation.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I'd love you to do, and you don't have to, I'd love it if you share in the chat, but if not, that's fine.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to pick one thing right now that is stopping you, that confidence is stopping you from doing something at work.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, is it that you want to apply for a different job?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Is it that you are wanting to take a sabbatical for six months that you feel oh I'd love to take a sabbatical?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I work for myself, so I probably should.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it's about taking those those little thinking about that one thing that's kind of keeping you stuck and where you're saying, I don't feel confident doing that.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Liz, is there any that kind of have come up for you that that in the past that we can maybe talk through as an example, or any that you've heard when you've been talking to people?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um so a little bit like Helen, obviously working for myself.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: I find it sometimes hard to say no to clients.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: You really want to please, don't you?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's it with probably whether you work for yourself or you're not, or you work um for somebody else.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: But it's I don't want to feel like I'm letting people down.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really hard.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think I personally am really bad at holding boundaries, and I know that, and I will respond when I shouldn't respond in the evenings or at weekends, particularly if it's to a client.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: So the question there is then what would need to happen for you to feel comfortable and confident in that situation to set better boundaries?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: What would need to happen there?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like this is like quite deep.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what would need to happen?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: I think obviously more confident in the service that we've delivered, for example.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, I think it's if I can tell a client's please, then it's obviously much less of a deal than if they are like, oh, how don't I'm candidates for this role?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: It'd be something like that, and then I'll be like, oh gosh, yeah.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: So then it's then it's about like you've got to then look for the evidence of where you are you are providing the value.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's then maybe looking at like what goalpost did you set up with this client or this stakeholder at work to begin with, and now are you actually sticking to those goalposts or are you changing them?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't feel confident with something because we're unclear.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're not really clear about, we've not got that clarity, and that clarity will help us give confidence.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you know that you said we're gonna deliver this, this project, and it's gonna be finished by X day, and you've delivered it, that's enough.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do more, yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it and it is like and it is a bit deep and it is going into like a lot of different conversations and kind of having to rewire your brain in that way because if if you've always done something in a certain way, it's then hard to take a step out and do something different.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: But it is possible, and it is like there'll be things that you weren't confident in 12 months ago that you are now really confident in.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you've got the if you're thinking about looking for the evidence, you've done things before that you couldn't do that you are now confident in.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, is everybody with me still so far in the comments?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just give me a um a me or a thumbs up just so we are all on the same track.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because the brain stuff is like it can be hard.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're like, I've got enough to do, I can't be thinking about rewiring my brain.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: But that's why I'm giving you these three kind of examples and these three tools to be able to just use as that pattern interrupt.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: We've got a thumbs up from Kathy, Kathy, we are gonna crack on.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we're taught really from a society what confidence should look like.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: We're here to be, we're taught to be helpful, agreeable.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of the things that Liz said, you know, don't want to let people down.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: As women, we are stereotypically given the role of caregiver, um, of helping people, and that's all well and good, but you can't be everything to everybody.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: We've already seen the examples at the start that you said you're brilliant at your job, you're really good.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: But also, there is a lot of things that you are probably holding on to that mean that you don't have the capacity or the confidence to be able to kind of move forward.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not that you can't do it, it's just not it's just that you've not been given some of the skills and the tools to be able to do it.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: So the next one is another tool that I want to go through really quickly, and it's thinking about the disappointment question.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: So every time you feel a pull to say yes to something when you don't want to, or you stay quiet when you've got something to say because you don't feel confident.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you disappointing in that scenario?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let me give you an example.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to say no to this piece of work because the team are already under so much pressure and I don't feel confident.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like I want to be a team player, and I don't feel confident being able to push back and say no.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: But you've also got to ask that if you are a team player, you are not the only person in the team.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: You are one of many people in a team.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's then that idea that comes back to how you want to feel helpful and supportive and being the go to person.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: The yes person that that comes back to as well to think that actually I'm not the only one that can deliver this, and the only person that should deliver this.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: You tell yourself that you're gonna, you know, you're gonna I'll be more confident once I've done this, or I'll be more confident to do this when this is out of the way.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we always kind of kick things down the road as something that we're gonna deal with later, but there is never gonna be a better time to have a conversation about your workload with your manager, if that's the something that you're struggling with.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's never gonna be a better time for you to apply for that new job that you feel quite nervous about applying for.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're waiting to feel confident whilst not doing the work that you know is gonna make you feel confident.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I've gone around in like that's like a no, it's like going to the gym, isn't it?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: You kind of have to do it for you have to do it a lot, don't you, first feel fit.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to find a way to take action uncomfortably and take it anyway.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not necessarily when we think about like we think about confidence and what that looks like, and we're gonna go into that in a second, but I like the idea of like building a little bit of audacity, like who does she think she is?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Energy, like not in a nasty way or like anything that's negative, but just standing up for yourself and being like, who does she think she is doing this?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm gonna do it, like rub off my shoulders and away we go.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: So just leaning into that, that feeling of what that's like.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: And one you mentioned the gym nail is, but one um analogy that I love to think about and use in this in this situation is about learning to ride a bike.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't confident to ride a bike straight away.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: You wobbled, you fell off, you might grazed your knee.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think I had like a helmet, elbow pads, shoulder pads, knee pads, every like wrapped in a bubble for me.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you had those stabilizers to start with, that extra support to keep you feel safe.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: But you kept going.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: The confidence didn't come before you got the bike.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't get on the bike and you were like, nailed it, unless you were some sort of like child prodigy, like that was somehow you know gonna be a BMXer and before they could walk.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: But you're waiting for that confidence, you're waiting for a feeling that's not going to come because you're not taking the action.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a catch 22, it absolutely is.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: So then it's thinking about do you need more confidence or do you need to get more comfortable in uncomfortable situations?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's powerful, isn't it?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it is the I think it's probably the latter for a lot of people.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to, and it's again, it's difficult because we're fighting against our brain that's been wired to keep us safe, moving into what is classed as unsafe environments.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the unsafe environments that our brain was trying to save us from is that we're going to be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, like as we were cavemen and women.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: But in reality, in present day, that's just about not asking for a pay rise.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's very different, but the the rewire the wiring of the brain hasn't changed in that respect.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: It just doesn't know that it's expecting confidence being able to do this rather than confidence to be able to do that.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder why we all hate being feeling so uncomfortable.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's something, you know what I mean?
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's a weird, weird feeling, isn't it?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: And why is are we I don't know whether we've been trained, whether it's just instinct, but we none of us like feeling uncomfortable.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's and out of our comfort zone.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is a bit of both.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is that wiring, that that kind of training that we've had.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: But also it is like learned behaviour, what we've seen other people do, that it feels like we are.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you're walking into the unknown, it feels scary because you don't know what's going to happen.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: And we give ourselves this kind of false sense of security thinking one thing, but actually that could mean something completely different.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: We can't like we've got to accept like we can't control the future, we can't look ahead, we can just prepare as much as we can and feel confident in the fact that we've done everything that we can, everything else will unfold as it goes.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you you might fuck a little bit, but I also think it's really important um about who you surround yourselves with.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because if you're surrounded by quite a negative circle that's a bit like, oh, who does she think she is, or she, you know, nobody ever does that, and that never works.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's gonna be really hard to break free from that.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas if you're surrounded by positive people that do do that thing or do do the, you know, regardless, I think your that confidence will just naturally rub off on you.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, and I think um it's important, obviously, like we don't it's not about like this toxic positivity, they're like everything's amazing and we can do it all, but it's actually like you say, surrounding yourself with people who have who have pushed themselves out of the comfort zone and are happy to do so, and to get inspired by other people can help build that confidence because what you're then seeing is that oh my god, this person's done it over here.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I know it's possible.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Just because it's you know it's possible for them.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it might be that you work with people at the moment, and there's somebody that you really admire that you um that got a promotion with slight within like six months of doing something.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this the first step that you decide after this session is to go and have a coffee with that person and ask them what you did, how they did it, what advice would they give you, buy them a coffee.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like that is then just you're showing your brain what is possible, and then that is the evidence, like you're building up the evidence then to have everything there.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I want to switch gears a little bit so you're not just listening to me.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't worry, I'm not gonna make anybody kind of do some audience participation because that makes me feel sick when people do that.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like everybody come off and talk.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I want you to grab a pen and paper if you haven't already got one, and I want us to take 30 seconds for you to picture your most confident self at work.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: So just sit back from the screen and see her.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: How is she feeling?
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: What is she doing?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: What is she not doing?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: What's she accepting?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what's she absorbing?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want you to take 30 seconds to write down a few of those things.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: Don't overthink it.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna ask you to share it's just for you, but I want you to see that future self of you know the most confident you've you are, you've been you're doing all of these things.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel in that moment?
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, have we all got an idea of what that person looks like, feels like what they're doing?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if anybody's willing to share a word that comes up for them when they're thinking about their future self in that position as the most confident, some things that came up for me was um assured and um shoulders back, my posture.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I was just like I just realized I was like a shrimp sitting at my desk, but it's like the shoulders back, the police has put empowered.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's just these little things that are kind of coming through for us that if we're thinking about what confidence looks like to us, we need to be able to define it to then be able to go get it.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we're just going around saying I want to feel more confident, what does that actually look like?
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: We need to get specific so we can then actually move forward.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: Liz, was there anything that came up for you?
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I feel confident.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: I do I enjoy doing these, you know.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: I always feel quite confident doing these, but it it was something well, obviously the first one I did wasn't confident.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I think this is um that the more you do something, the more confident you become.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got some other comments in here.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Emma said positive and smiling.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Helen, industry expert, love that.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Laura, Carmen centered, amazing.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we're not going to camp out here and do and stay here for the rest of the session.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna actually work backwards now from that picture to figure out what actually needs to happen to make it real.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like I said, it's easy to stick in the theory of this is what I want it to look like.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we could stop there and be like, see you later.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to actually have some steps for you to kind of move forward with in this session.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: So now we've pictured your most confident version of you at work.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna look and then we're gonna work through this exercise to find the smallest possible step you can take to move towards where she is.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're not looking for a massive leap here, we're not looking for a jump, but it's finding the smallest bit because that is the bit that gets done, and that action is what builds confidence.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's not perfection, it's just the next step.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't want you to look at that at the bottom of the staircase, seeing the top of the staircase of feeling your most confident self, and you're already thinking it's too much, I can't do it.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: But what we need to think about, okay, so what needs to happen for you to get from that bottom step to the first step?
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can't realistically jump from the bottom to the top unless you are an Olympic long jumper and I have or a high jumper and I've not factored that in.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: So if unless you are that, if you are, welcome, amazing to have you here.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but let's be realistic about what you can do.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, step one, it's about identifying where it is that you feel like you're being held back by not having the confidence.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: Is it speaking up in meetings, having conversations with your manager, having difficult uh conversations with stakeholders or with team members?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that I work on a lot with um with clients, kind of working out actually what to say.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: Is it decisions that you've been avoiding, putting yourself forward for things?
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can be absolutely anything, and I want you to write that down.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: So then the next bit is we're gonna break that down, we're gonna chunk it down into a smaller piece because what you've written down is probably quite big.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I can nine times out of ten guarantee you that the reason you've not done anything about it is because it feels too big to deal with and you don't know how.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let me give you an example whilst you're thinking about how to break it down.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I worked with a woman recently on a call, and she was always the one who was asked by a manager to do these specific reports, but she was the only one that was asked.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: It meant that she couldn't get her actual work done that she was then being asked for at the end of the month, and then she was having to stay late, come in early, work through a lunch break to be able to deliver the extra reports.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: But she told me she didn't feel confident having that conversation to say, actually, there are other people in the team that could do this.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked her that, I was like, Are you the only one qualified to do this?
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, Well, no.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Okay, then so we've got another option for you.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: But she didn't feel confident having that conversation because a lot of the time when we think about feeling confident, it's about feeling prepared.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: So what we did is if we then worked through, okay, if we're going to break it down, what is the outcome that you want?
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: So write down, write down what it is that you actually want of the outcome, write down the conversation that you need to have, practice it, get it out all on paper, book a meeting, have the conversation.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there are other elements that you could add in there as well.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what you what we did is we took that big thing that felt really gnarly and uncomfortable and broke it down into really small steps.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll give you like 30 seconds or so just to start breaking down that big example.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're having any problems with this and you're like, I can't get it straight in my head, you can pop in the chat what is holding you back, and I can help you kind of try to break that down for you if that's helpful.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or if we're all okay, just give me a thumbs up.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm gonna move on to step three.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: All I want you to do is circle the smallest action, the first thing that you need to do.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the bravest thing, it's not the thing that's gonna make the most difference, it's the thing that you feel like you could just do later today or this week.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't feel like you need a lot of confidence to do it, it's just one element.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're not trying to do everything to get you to the top of that staircase bit, it's just the first bit.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the habit.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever read Atomic Habits?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the habit stack.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's sort of that, isn't it?
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's the first part of the habit.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it is it's just about finding a way to um take that massive action, split it down.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: So then you are getting to that action, but you're just doing it in small little chunks.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I want you to do next, and this is the bit that people always fall down on because they do these exercises and they're like, Yep, I'm gonna do this, and that's it, I'm done.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: See you later.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to write down when you're doing it.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to be specific.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is it it's not soon, it's not this week.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: I want a specific day, time, when you're gonna do it.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to share what date and time you're gonna do it, then please feel free to pop it in here.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna come back to you and find you and be like, hey, I saw in the recording you said you were gonna do this.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Have you done it yet?
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: But it's just good to put it out there to have it in.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's good to put it out there just to be able to commit to it.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I really think I need to get um while people are doing it?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: Is have you heard of the bricks?
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: I've got one, it's incredible.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Has it changed?
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: So while people are writing it down, not no, no, we are not affiliates for bricks.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: We should be affiliated.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um I've got it on my desk.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know I hide it out of the way so I can't use it all the time.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, it's a little um oh, I actually use the padlock, which is just like the brick but a lot cheaper.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: I should be affiliated with them actually.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um padlock.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: The padlock, yeah.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like half the price, and basically um it locks you out of the apps that you spend a lot of time on that you want to block, and you can choose how long you want to block them for, but you can only unlock the apps when you have the physical padlock with you to be able to like tap it on the back of your phone and then be able to unlock and get you in there.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it really helps with, I find it really helps with procrastination.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I've noticed that I have a habit, a bad habit of when I feel uncomfortable doing something and I don't feel confident in doing it, yeah, I'll pick this up to distract myself.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then I'm like security blank.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's that pattern interrupter of like, oh, I don't feel confident here, so I'm just gonna go over here and do something that feels more confident.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: But then it's kind of asking yourself like if you notice that pattern in yourself, what is taking that action of not doing something costing you in the long run?
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you think that oh, I'm just gonna scroll for 10 minutes, I deserve it, I need a break.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, break in it, yeah.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're looking for that dopamine hit, you're looking for that extra um that extra thing that's gonna keep you distracted from what you're trying to avoid.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's like I I've never smoked, but in a way, you know, if you I guess when in people when they smoke or have smoked in the past, you know, they'd go out for a cigarette break, won't they?
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_01: And now we might just scroll on Instagram because it's the same sort of hit, but it's probably just as bad for you, really.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're designed to keep you addicted and on there.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like that is a it's a dopamine hit.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: Don said distraction, deflection, uh sorry, yeah, absolutely.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: You do that, and I think one thing with the padlock as well is that you can do it so you can unlock your apps for five minutes an hour.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: So then I'm like, okay, five minutes scrolling, but then it automatically locks it.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I can be like halfway.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I miss oh okay.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: And you put the padlock, I'm guessing, somewhere.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the problem is um sometimes I'll just lose it.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, we need to have a particular place to put it in like a bowl in another room, yeah.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: But then I'm like, oh my god, where's my padlock?
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: I can't find it.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can get unlocked for a minute.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: I've found a way around uh that you can sometimes you need it, okay.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it is really good, um, especially if you're trying to distract yourself, like Donna has said there.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it is it is very good.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, have we all now got written down what's holding you back?
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: Have you broken it down?
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: You've got the smallest action and you've got a date of when you're gonna do it.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: Have we all got that written down?
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we just we were just going randomly into padlocks and that kind of stuff.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, perfect.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: One second.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I spend there is a reason that this is blank, and I'll show you in a second, but I spend a lot of time talking to clients about these small actions, breaking things down, and like we just said, uh, it's about compounding everything, it's the making sure that you are taking the smallest steps that you can to build up to having a bigger impact.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're building day on day on all of this stuff, you're gonna get more confidence because you've been repeating it, you've been doing it again.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I am really I love talking about this in my clients is because I'm fascinated by this guy.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love this guy, um Dave Grailsford, um, and he was brought into the to help the British cycling team when they were at rock bottom, about I want to say 20, 15, 20 years ago.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: And basically the British cycling team had lost all of their sponsors, they were terrible, they're a laughing stock of the cycling community, and he came in to run the team, and his idea was the it's called the aggregation of marginal gains.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of just thinking, okay, we need to look at the bike and improve that, he looked at every area of a cyclist's life, the pillows they slept on, the aerodynamics of the helmets, the type of cotton that was used for the gloves and the clothes, the food they ate.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: They even painted the inside of like their bike van white so they could spot any dust or any kind of bacteria that might affect performance.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: So it's those teeny tiny tweaks and those 1% improvements that just compounded.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: So they were doing things every day across different areas, and the result was that they got Olympic gold, they were number number one in the world, and that's what I really love about the idea of confidence is that it's about compounding brick by brick and taking those small steps across every area, so it's not expecting that you're gonna get this like massive rush of confidence when you have done this thing one time, but it's actually where can you build up confidence in other areas of your life that might feel easier and then apply that to your work situation as well.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I thought Dave deserved his own picture, and it looks so unassuming and chilled.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it looks nice, and it looks lovely.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like I said, so that one conversation isn't going to change everything, but each time you do it, it's gonna compound.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: So when you've done something for a year, you're gonna be operating completely differently in 12 months.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you've just magically got more confidence, but you've put in the reps.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing that I um I kind of I love to think about is that actually turning the kind of reframe around and saying that we do actually have confidence, but we're just spending it in the wrong places, and what I mean by that is we're confident.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: Saying yes when we mean no, because we're trying to keep people comfortable and make sure that we are helping people, we're really confident on being quiet in meetings because we're scared of how we're going to come across.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: We feel comfortable being and confident being that safe pair of hands.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: So by the time if you think about like your confidence that you've got in a jar and you've already given away all of your confidence, when it comes to doing the things that actually would move your career forward, asking for that promotion, pushing back on workload, having that difficult conversation, you've got no confidence left because you've already spent it in other areas.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not, I think it's about reframing and telling yourself that it's not that you've not got confidence, but you're spending your confidence making everyone else feel comfortable.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a bit that we need to think about and change.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: How does it fit?
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: What comes up when I kind of say that truth?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Donna.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is a thing, like it's that reframe that it's not that you've not got confidence.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if we look for the evidence, you have confidence in a lot of areas, you just need to rechannel it.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I like the idea.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um I know there's like a saying that's like you've only you've only got so many um F's to give in a day, you've only got so many Fs to give in a day.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: So just think about where you're spending them.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like you've only got so much confidence budget in your bank balance for the day.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, how are you going to use it to the best of your ability?
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we are just about coming up to 45 minutes now.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to do a really quick recap and then we can jump into questions.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: So, what we've covered today is the evidence check.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, it's looking for the evidence of where you have been confident of where you sorry, looking for the evidence of where you've done that situation and that scenario before.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you know that you've got that evidence, that example.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have it yourself, it's then actually looking for examples of where that's happened for other people.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, where I said about somebody who has done what you are wanting to do, go and speak to them, have a conversation, help build that confidence through what other people have done.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: Then it's thinking about the disappointment question.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when you feel the pull to say yes, who are you afraid of disappointing?
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: And just thinking about that a little bit more.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_00: The next one is that smallest action.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we went through those four steps of you thinking about your most confident self in that situation, working backwards, and it's thinking about what is the one thing that you are going to do with a deadline.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: And all I want you to do is use one of these this week.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think so often we're looking for that perfect solution, that magic pill.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know so many times that I'm like, if this just happens, this is going to unlock everything.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: If I do this, this is just going to be one thing that everything else is just going to flow.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sadly, there isn't a magic pill that's going to unlock everything.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really like that's really rubbish when you're like, I came on this call and you said you were going to tell me how to be confident, and really you've just said there's no magic pill and I've got to be uncomfortable.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think instead of thinking about uncomfortable, the pill that you've got to take is the action pill.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because the confidence is only the confidence is only going to come from you taking action, from doing the thing while it already feels uncomfortable, because you're going to be really rubbish to start with.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody rode a bike like you know, real easily, no falling off, no wobbles, no anything.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got to try and find a way to take the action and expect it to feel uncomfortable and not to feel confident doing it.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: So that's me do I can't believe I've actually finished on time.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it was great.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I kept interrupting you.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: We had a full conversation about bricks and um padlocks, but um yeah, I'm I feel like I need I need a gold star for actually finishing on time.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but yeah, thank you so much.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love if anybody's got any questions, any comments, any things they want to go through.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Donna said, since I've started saying no, my confidence has started emerging in other areas.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing, Donna, because what you'll what you'll see there is that by saying no to certain things, it allows you to say yes in with other things, and that's going to give you the confidence you've then got the proof that this works.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of the time we're searching for that proof.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was fantastic.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: I loved our chat.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned loads.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_01: It was brilliant.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Helen says thanks so much.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_01: Very helpful to think about breaking huge tasks down and take the first step.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but if anybody has any other questions that they don't want to pop in here, please feel free to reach out to me, connect with me on LinkedIn, drop me an email.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, more than happy to chat further.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and go and take the action pill.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: Let us know.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: Get back in touch with us and let us know what action you've taken this week.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes, please.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: Friday afternoon, drop us both LinkedIn.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_01: We'd love to know.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, lovely.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much, everybody, for watching today, and thank you so much, Lindsay.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: No worries.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: See you later.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Helen, I've just seen your comment.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_01: No, should we answer it before I end the stream?
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, is that okay?
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, can I ask how you do with steamrollers, very strong bosses, or people who will not listen?
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think you've got to get to a stage where you have to accept that you can't control what they're going to do.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what you need to do with people like this, and that I've done in the past, is that you've got to find a way to figure out what it is at the bottom of it that they're struggling with.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: In whether it's that.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_00: Can you just give me a bit more context, Helen?
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think, in terms of if you're thinking about very strong bosses with very specific ways of doing things, it might be that something's happened with them historically that has meant that they don't feel very trusting of people doing a specific task.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's then actually okay, amazing.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right, let me just read this.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: In my last role, I'd very headstrong man I do with no empathy.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: They were not someone I told them that their time scales and expectations were not achievable.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm sorry, Helen, that's really tough.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think with that, it's around there's only so much you can do in this situation, and I think the only different way that I'd maybe approach it is going into a situation with a solution to a problem that you're asking for help with.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if you go to a manager and say, I'm having str I'm having a problem dealing with this deadline, and you're expecting them to help you and figure it out, they're already probably stressed and overwhelmed and do too much as well.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: So they don't want to then have to solve the problem for you, which is a really rubbish way to think about it, but it is often the case.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: So then it's like, okay, I've got this problem with this um this project.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've also got this other deliverable, which is most important for you for me to deal with right now.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that then it's them putting the onus on them as your manager to help you manage the situation.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_00: They wanted to do it their way only, which did not work for me.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think I think you'll get to the point whereas if you've tried everything that you can, you've then got to find a way that is protecting your energy, your morale at work, and everything else.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: So you did leave the role.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_00: But it is finding about how you can best deal with that, and you've got to learn to manage that person.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's really difficult.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: Managing up is one of the difficult skills, and I'm more than happy to come on another session and do a whole session about this because it's it's where we spend a lot of time, but it's actually, I guess it's then what are the repercussions if this doesn't happen?
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_00: And are you providing other solutions that could happen?
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it might be that she never changes, but as long as you know you've done everything that you can, I think you've then got to be okay, right, I'm happy to walk away now.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really hard.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_00: And Helen, I know that's a very kind of convoluted answer, and I'm more than happy to chat about it um separately with you, but I think it is helping manage expectations, getting very clear with what people are asking, and then the implications of what they're asking on the rest of the work that you've been asked to deliver.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_01: I hope that helped Helen.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um that helped.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um Donna said, wow, that's a strategy.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, with the um yeah, definitely.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: Managing expectations.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much, Lindsay, and thank you so much to everybody that has joined today as well.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: No worries.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great rest of the day.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: See you later.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: Bye bye.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to another episode of the Work It Like a Mum podcast.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget to share the link with a friend.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you're on LinkedIn, please send me a connection request at Elizabeth Willet and let me know your thoughts on this week's episode.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: You can also follow my recruitment site, Investing in Women, on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, keep on chasing your big stream.