Latest / Yaron Brook Show / Love Meets Logic: Marriage & The Reality of Prenups | Yaron Brook Show

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Love Meets Logic: Marriage & The Reality of Prenups | Yaron Brook Show · Yaron Brook Show

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  Speaker 1: A lot of them of little and an individual loss.
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  Speaker 1: This is the show. Oh right, everybody, welcome to your
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  Speaker 1: own book show on this Saturday, n Sober eleventh. Hope
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  Speaker 1: everybody's having a fantastic weekend. It's the weekend, all right.
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  Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of a lot of news
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  Speaker 1: happening right now, and and we could have done another
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  Speaker 1: new show today. Suddenly there's stuff coming out of Gaza
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  Speaker 1: that's pretty horrific. There's a there's a new trade war
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  Speaker 1: where China is just being escalated into the stratosphere. That
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  Speaker 1: is gonna be fun to watch. Uh. And and there's
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  Speaker 1: there's yeah, there's a bunch a bunch going on. But
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  Speaker 1: I decided we should take a break from views a
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  Speaker 1: little bit, just to step back a little bit from it.
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  Speaker 1: I've also promised more what do you call it, uh
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  Speaker 1: Yuan's Wolves for Life kind of shows, So this will
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  Speaker 1: be a part of that. And and and we'll take
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  Speaker 1: that on. So we're going to talk about today. We're
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  Speaker 1: going to talk about marriage, the value of marriage and
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  Speaker 1: and the benefits of it and why you should do
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  Speaker 1: it generally speaking.
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  Speaker 2: Uh.
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  Speaker 1: And we'll also talk about prenup arrangements because I guess
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  Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's big right now. The the Free
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  Speaker 1: Press had a big article about prenups. Uh just this
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  Speaker 1: uh this last week, why everyone is getting a prenup.
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  Speaker 1: So we'll talk about my views and prenups. And I
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  Speaker 1: also got a question from David who is a long
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  Speaker 1: time and significant supporter of the show by pay Pal
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  Speaker 1: or Patreon or one of these about peine ups. He he,
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  Speaker 1: he wanted me to comment on pree ups and and uh,
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  Speaker 1: and I thought it would make a good topic for
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  Speaker 1: a show, So we're gonna we're gonna do that as well.
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  Speaker 1: And I also got I've got a question more broadly
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  Speaker 1: about marriage that I got a few months ago, a
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  Speaker 1: few weeks ago, a few looks like a few months ago,
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  Speaker 1: that we will we will cover and talk about as well,
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  Speaker 1: because I think it is, uh, it is of interest.
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  Speaker 1: So that that that's the topics Monday, maybe even tomorrow,
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  Speaker 1: but Monday, we'll talk about tariffs and trade wars and Gaza.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of talk about Gaza, really awful things happening
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  Speaker 1: day right now. But by Monday we'll have we'll have
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  Speaker 1: the hostages released that will definitely be in the news,
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  Speaker 1: So that'll be good, and so they'll be There's a
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  Speaker 1: lot to talk about over the next over the next,
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  Speaker 1: uh next week in terms of a news. Today we're
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  Speaker 1: talking about marriage and prenups and and so I thought
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  Speaker 1: we'd start with prenups and then we'll go to marriage
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  Speaker 1: and and I'm eager toa I'm eager to encourage you
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  Speaker 1: to ask questions. Ask questions like, uh, can you know
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  Speaker 1: somebody said I should run ada Abby's like like show.
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  Speaker 1: So if you to ask, do you Abby like questions?
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  Speaker 1: If you've got questions about life, marriage, relationships, love, sex, whatever, romance,
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  Speaker 1: ask those. You can also ask about anything. Really, I've
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  Speaker 1: already got a question about Taiwan. I ask about anything,
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  Speaker 1: and and that that all works. So feel free to
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  Speaker 1: use the super chat to ask about anything anything you want.
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  Speaker 1: All right, So let's let's jump in with prenups. It's it's,
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  Speaker 1: it's and then we'll broaden the discussion from there to
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  Speaker 1: marriage to marriage. Yeah, we'll broaden it to marriage period.
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  Speaker 1: I don't doesn't need to be a continuation of that sentence,
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  Speaker 1: all right. So it turns out, it turns out that
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  Speaker 1: prenups are big right now, Like everybody, most people who
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  Speaker 1: are getting married right now. Fifty percent really people getting
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  Speaker 1: right now married right now are using a prenup. A
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  Speaker 1: peanut basically is a contract you signed before marriage. We'll
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  Speaker 1: get into some of the clauses that are in these prenups.
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  Speaker 1: We'll get into some of the things that people put
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  Speaker 1: in that are often not legally valid. And let me
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  Speaker 1: just say right after that, I'm not a lawyer. Nothing
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  Speaker 1: I say here should be taking as legal advice. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I mean that should be self evidence should be obvious.
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  Speaker 1: Not a lawyer, don't the details reading off of what
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  Speaker 1: I'm reading online. So people try to put in all
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  Speaker 1: kinds of provisions which turned out to be non enforceable
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  Speaker 1: by the quote. But sometimes they aren't forceable, so sometimes
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  Speaker 1: how to tell? So people just stick them in there
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  Speaker 1: and and worry about it later. So prenup is basically
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  Speaker 1: a contract that states, primarily with regard to assets, primarily
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  Speaker 1: with regard to income and assets, what happens when the
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  Speaker 1: marriage is dissolved, and for that matter, who owns particular
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  Speaker 1: assets while their marriage is in place. I mean, a
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  Speaker 1: prenup can specify that let's say one of the parties
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  Speaker 1: might have a business, and that business is one hundred
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  Speaker 1: percent of theirs even after the marriage, whereas and and
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  Speaker 1: and I think this is and prenups used to be
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  Speaker 1: really really rare. So in the nineteen nineties, supposedly about
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  Speaker 1: eight percent of married capule's had one, that's according to
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  Speaker 1: the Free Press. You know, and when they did, when
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  Speaker 1: they did happen, it was kind of whispered about in
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  Speaker 1: scandalized tones. It was something you gossiped about, or something
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  Speaker 1: they really rich did, and the famous and people who
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  Speaker 1: divorced many times. But it wasn't something you know, normal people,
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  Speaker 1: average people did. When I got married, which is way
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  Speaker 1: before the nineties, or well a decade before the nineties. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't know there was such a thing
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  Speaker 1: when I got married, but I got married very young.
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  Speaker 1: We'll get to that because I think it's important in
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  Speaker 1: terms of thinking about prenups as well. Ages is very relevant.
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  Speaker 1: So today, forty seven percent, according to some surveys, getting
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  Speaker 1: getting prenups, and some people believe the numbers even higher
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  Speaker 1: than that. That's among millennials. And I guess with with
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  Speaker 1: a gen Z is this about the same, So it's
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  Speaker 1: over forty percent of millennials and gen zs are getting
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  Speaker 1: getting prenups. And the question is why and doesn't make sense?
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  Speaker 1: And what what do I think do I think it's
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  Speaker 1: a good idea or bad idea. Let's let's talk about
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  Speaker 1: what a prenup kind of is first. I mean, it's
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  Speaker 1: a contract. It's a contract that settles issues around assets
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  Speaker 1: and money and trist to you know, tries to determine
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  Speaker 1: the allocation of such in case of divorce, what happens
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  Speaker 1: in divorce And and let's start with a big challenge
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  Speaker 1: with a prenup. I mean, the biggest challenge of a
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  Speaker 1: peanup is that it's a very long term contract. And
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  Speaker 1: it's a contract that covers huge amounts of if you will, uncertainty,
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  Speaker 1: a huge amounts about certainly about the future uh and
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  Speaker 1: uh and what are going to be the circumstances around
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  Speaker 1: the future. For example, some of the provisions that courtes
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  Speaker 1: uh deem unenforceable are provisions in prentups dealing with unborn children,
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  Speaker 1: that is, dealing with children that you're going to have
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  Speaker 1: in the future. Uh and and I think the courts
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  Speaker 1: are saying you're not in a position before you have
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  Speaker 1: kids to project some kind of decisions about what how
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  Speaker 1: you're gonna in a divorce after you have kids, custody, alimony,
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  Speaker 1: all that stuff that needs to be done after you've
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  Speaker 1: had the kids. So children and the impact of children
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  Speaker 1: having a marriage, and the impact of children having your finances, uh,
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  Speaker 1: financial prospects of each one of the partners UH in
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  Speaker 1: the marriage, the kind of jobs that they're going to get,
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  Speaker 1: the kind of businesses they're going to start, the kind
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  Speaker 1: of prospects that they have. That is a there's a
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  Speaker 1: huge uncertainty about that into the future. There's uncertainty about
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  Speaker 1: obviously where they're going to be happy together, the kind
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  Speaker 1: of marriage, the kind of relationship, the kind of communication
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  Speaker 1: you have, you know, the dynamics of the relationship. There's
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  Speaker 1: a lot of uncertainty about that, I mean, and certainly
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  Speaker 1: if you if you project further in and certainly about
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  Speaker 1: retirement when you retirement, people are retiring early these days,
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  Speaker 1: a big payoff. And then of course there's another aspect
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  Speaker 1: of this, and that is inheritance. I mean, dealing with inheritance.
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  Speaker 1: Will you have an inheritance? It's decades into the future.
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  Speaker 1: So the biggest challenge with a prenup is that you're
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  Speaker 1: dealing with a lot of moving pieces, and a lot
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  Speaker 1: of uncertainty about over a very long period of time. Now,
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  Speaker 1: it could be the marriage is short. If the marriage
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  Speaker 1: is going to be five years, ten years, and it ends,
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  Speaker 1: then then it's fairly easy. It's fairly it's it's not
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  Speaker 1: that hard to predict what's going to happen over a
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  Speaker 1: decade or so, but once you start talking about several decades,
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  Speaker 1: it's just hard to think into the future. By the way,
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  Speaker 1: one of the kinds of provisions that some prenups have
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  Speaker 1: is some of them have sunset clauses where the preanup
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  Speaker 1: goes away after a certain period of years, and others
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  Speaker 1: have a review clauses to be the optional review clauses
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  Speaker 1: that the agreement is revised upon some major life change
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  Speaker 1: like children, business success or something like that. And right,
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  Speaker 1: So that's these are the kind of things that a
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  Speaker 1: peanup is supposed to handle and the challenge that it faces,
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  Speaker 1: because I think that challenge comes from the just the
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  Speaker 1: complexity and and the and the scope the length of
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  Speaker 1: time that this contract is going to be in place,
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  Speaker 1: and and trying to deal with things that one just
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  Speaker 1: doesn't know what's going to happen. I mean, most contracts
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  Speaker 1: are much more finite. Most contracts are much more narrow.
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  Speaker 1: Most contracts to deal with a finite set of circumstances,
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  Speaker 1: finite set of events. There's a lot about marriage which
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  Speaker 1: is very open ended. So that's a challenge. On the
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  Speaker 1: other hand, marriage is maybe the most important relationship you
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  Speaker 1: will have in your life. It is a long term relationship.
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  Speaker 1: It is a long term relationship that involves a lot.
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  Speaker 1: It involves every aspect of your life, and it does
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  Speaker 1: involve money and finances, and it does involve a lot
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  Speaker 1: of decision making and ultimately will involve children. And it
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  Speaker 1: is a relationship that can end. We know, you know,
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  Speaker 1: something like fifty percent of all marriages and the divorce
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  Speaker 1: it's not just a voce. Death is another way a
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  Speaker 1: marriage can end. And one should think about how what
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  Speaker 1: happens when one party dies and how did how did
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  Speaker 1: how do their state their assets, how they dealt with
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  Speaker 1: So given the importance of the of the of the relationship,
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  Speaker 1: the length of time, and the complexity involved, I think
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  Speaker 1: a prenup makes a lot of sense, makes a lot
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  Speaker 1: of sense. Uh. In I'd say most circumstances of marriage, Uh,
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  Speaker 1: you want to have some guiding principles that you agree upon. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I think it's something that should be reviewed and revised
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  Speaker 1: over time again mutual agreement. But it certainly makes sense
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  Speaker 1: to have a contract that lays out the principles by
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  Speaker 1: which you want to handle the end of that marriage
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  Speaker 1: if it comes. And you know, one of the reasons
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  Speaker 1: in the nineties there were almost no prenups and certainly
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  Speaker 1: in you know, I don't remember them even existing, and
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  Speaker 1: suddainly it was not something we when we got married
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  Speaker 1: even considered is because one of the issues is when
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  Speaker 1: you get married, right, like, if you get married like
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  Speaker 1: I did, really really really really young. I got married
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  Speaker 1: when I was twenty one, my wife still my wife
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  Speaker 1: was nineteen. We were really really young. And part of
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  Speaker 1: being really really really young was we had no assets.
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  Speaker 1: I mean literally Z wrote nothing, no assets, and we
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  Speaker 1: had no real idea about what assets were going to have.
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  Speaker 1: We were literally at the very beginning of life. Have
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  Speaker 1: a prenup under those circumstances makes no sense. Under those circumstances,
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  Speaker 1: you're basically forming a partnership with the understanding that you're
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  Speaker 1: gonna work things out as you go along, and that
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  Speaker 1: everything is own fifty to fifty because you've phoned this
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  Speaker 1: partnership and you're doing it together, and you're such a
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  Speaker 1: beginning of life that everything that is created from now
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  Speaker 1: on is being created jointly. So if you enter a
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  Speaker 1: marriage in a position of literally having no assets and
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  Speaker 1: you don't know what the future is, and you're literally
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  Speaker 1: gonna make the future together, you're going to create the
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  Speaker 1: future together, than a up makes absolutely no sense. Although
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I will say this, and this is something
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  Speaker 1: you always need to think about, whether you have a
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  Speaker 1: peanup or not. There is a contract. The contract's implicit
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  Speaker 1: of course in the very marriage, but the state imposers
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  Speaker 1: terms on you. So if you don't have a prenup,
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  Speaker 1: then you're leaving it up to the courts to decide
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  Speaker 1: how your estate is going to split, be split and
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: so on. You know, and there are lots of horror
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  Speaker 1: stories about people believing too justly or unjustly how to
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  Speaker 1: tell that they were screwed by the courts. So given
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  Speaker 1: that you're going to have an imposition of some kind
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  Speaker 1: of legal regime on you, you might want to spell
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  Speaker 1: out that regime in advance for yourself. And maybe even
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  Speaker 1: if you get married very very early and with no assets,
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  Speaker 1: you should spell out something like, okay, from now it's
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  Speaker 1: five fifty, we're in partnership, and if we split, we
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  Speaker 1: split down the down the middle or whatever, things like that, right,
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  Speaker 1: just so that you don't get into situation later on
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  Speaker 1: with somehow you know, there's the court to do it
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  Speaker 1: differently or impose something different on you. So yeah, so
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  Speaker 1: when I get married, I literally had nothing, so in
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: a Jewish wedding, and we had to have a religious
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: ceremony because even though we were both atheist, when we
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: got married in Israel, it doesn't it doesn't count unless
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: it's a religious wedding. You can leave Israel and get
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: a secular wedding outside of Israel and come back and
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: now recognize it. But if you get married in Israel,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: it has to be a religious wedding. It could be
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: a Christian meeting or Muslim meting, a high wedding, it
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: could be lots of different religions, but it has to
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: be a religious authority signing off on it. So we
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: had to get a religious wedding. And in a religious
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: wedding in Israel, you have something you have in a
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  Speaker 1: sense of contract, and it's only a one sided contract
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  Speaker 1: because it's it's the male who is signing the contract
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  Speaker 1: making certain promises about what happens if the marriage gets
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  Speaker 1: dissolved in terms of his liability responsibility for the woman.
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  Speaker 1: Such a very patriarchical system. And so I sit down
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  Speaker 1: with a rabbi and I, you know, I didn't know
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  Speaker 1: what the hell and and you know, he reads you.
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  Speaker 1: It's a standard contract. He reads you all the stuff
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  Speaker 1: I can't remember those in it. And there is a
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  Speaker 1: provision there where you have to say, if we get divorced,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: if this get marriage gets dissolved, you will give your
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  Speaker 1: wife X amount of money you know, fill in the blank,
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  Speaker 1: right whatever, and to this. And now this contract is
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  Speaker 1: not legally binding. So what happens is in Israel people
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: just stick a number in there, and and they usually
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: put a big number in because they want to they
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: want to impress everybody, and and they know it's not
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: enforceable in the courts anyway. So it's like a prenup
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  Speaker 1: that is that is reflective of intentions, but not not enforcible.
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  Speaker 1: So people stick in a million dollars, you know, whatever
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: they put in there, a lot of money, because again
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: it's just to impress the people at the wedding, and
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: and it's not enforceable. You know, this contract, by the way,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: is held by the mother of the bride, So so
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: you know, again symbolically you as the as, the as,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: the as, the as, the husband don't ever have access
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: to it. It's a kind of a promisory node hanging
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: out there. But it's more moral claim than it is
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: a legal claim anyway. So the Rabbi is reading this
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: thing to me and he gets to, well, how much
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: how much money? And I think, got it. You know,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna promise to give more
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  Speaker 1: money than I have, right I. I you know, I'm
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: not going to put a number in there that I
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: can't actually live up to. So how much money do
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I have? And at that point, at that point in
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: my life, you know, all the money I had in
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: the world, the value of all the assets I had
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: in the world was about it was about two hundred
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: dollars A kid you not, I kid you not. That's
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: all I had had, about two hundred dollars. So I
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: said two hundred dollars and I think twenty five cents
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: or something like that. Basically the exact balance in my
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: checking in my bank account. I looked at me like
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I'm nuts, and I said, no, I you know, that's
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: that's how much money I have. And literally this is
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: read in public, and it was in a big embarrassment
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: I think for H for the family when they got
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: to that section. Uh. The fact that all I was willing,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: all I was willing to, uh, you know, always willing
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: to put up was the two hundred bucks, which is
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: all I I literally, all I literally had, right, all
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I literally had. So yeah, I mean when we started,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: we started with nothing. Neither of us had anything. So
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: we were both going to go to school, we were
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: both going to work while we were school. I think
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: our parents helped us a little bit, and we were
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: gonna make our way in life. I mean, uh, and
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: you know, ultimately we moved to the United States. We
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: came to the United States with nothing. It was zero.
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  Speaker 1: And then I spent six years in school and we
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: had two kids while I was in school when we
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: had nothing. So h for a very very long time
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: we were we never thought of ourselves as poor, but
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: technically quite poor and uh, and had nothing, you know,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: diaper as well, our highest our largest expensive By then
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: we were aready in late twenties anyway. So so maybe
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: a peanut makes sense in the circumstances, just to set
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: out kind of the standards, which how we're thinking about this,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: what the what, what it should be. But I think
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: it's less important if you have nothing, and if you
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  Speaker 1: have an understanding about what's important is to talk about it,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: have an understanding about how you want to live your
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: life more than anything else. The flip side of that was,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: or the flip side of that is that today people,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: you guys, are getting married much later in life, and
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: you are much richer when you get married, typically today
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  Speaker 1: getting married in your thirties, maybe in the late twenties,
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  Speaker 1: after school. You've already got a career, You've got income,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: maybe both of you have income. You might even own
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: some property, you might have for one ks and investment accounts.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Some of you have started businesses and already maybe you
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: know many of you might even have had an exit
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: in a business that's sitting on millions of dollars in
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: the bank account. So I think the more assets you
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: bring into a relationship and the more you kind of
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: now have an understanding of the relative earning power of both,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: the more prenup makes sense, and you know how you
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: structured and what you decide to do, and where do
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: you decide to commingle everything and say it's all fifty
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: to fifty, or whether you carve out certain things or not.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's you know, I don't have a position
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: about what should be in the prenup, but what I
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: think is incredibly valuable. What the prenup really facilitates more
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: than anything else, and why I would be very much
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: in favor of a prenup is it facilitates communication. It
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: forces you basically to sit down and talk about finance,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: talk about money, talk about income, talk about intentions, talk
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: about plans, talk about how you see your career going it,
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: talk about expectations, about whether you both intend to work,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: whether when you have kids, will when of you stop working?
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: You know, and you know, whether whether you know whatever
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you might be. I don't know a teacher who's never
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: going to make a lot of money, you know, talk
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: about all that. I mean, I would suggest my suggestion
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: is throw it all in the pot and agree to
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: fifty to fifty. You know, the basically everything is commingled
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: and everything's shared, and you make decisions together at financial
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: decisions and life decisions generally now, but if there's a
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: massive imbalance, I don't know, you know, one side is
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: worth tens of millions of dollars or others worth nothing,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: then yeah, I mean maybe maybe that's not how you
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: want to do it. I can completely. I mean, particularly
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: if you don't know how long the marriage is going
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: to last. I mean you intended to last for it
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: for a long time, but you don't know. Then having
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: some provisions to protect the person coming in with a
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: lot of money or expects a huge inhabitance or whatever,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: all of that, you know, it makes sense maybe to
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: cove some of that out, But all of that it
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: makes sense to think about in advance and to lay
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: it out and to talk about it. Talking about it
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: is the most valuable thing here. And then to the
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: extent that I mean you should put in in writing
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: to loge extent, because you want to preempt whatever state
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: law is going to dictate. This way, you get to
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: decide in advance what it's going to be like, how
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: essay is going to be split, how they're going to
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: be dealt with in case of a dissolution or in
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: case of death, Rather than some judge so I mean
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: to me, it just makes enormous amount of sense to
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: make as much as you can and you can't do
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: a lot, but as much as you can make it
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: explicit and again talk about it and what makes sense
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: to put in writing, put in writing, and put into
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the contract, so you know, things like here's some basic
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: stuff that go into peanuts. You know, first of all,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: full financial disclosure, so you disclosed each other, what your
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: assets are, what you have, what you own, everything, It
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: all goes in real estate, put stock, portfolios, everything go in.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: So first there's there's there's one hundred percent visibility before
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: the before the wedding actually happens. And then you decide
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: what is going to be marital property and what's going
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: to be separate property. I know people who were married
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: and kept separate bank accounts, and I'm sure some of
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: you maybe have separate bank accounts, and you know, I
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: think that can probably work for some people. We've never
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: had that. It doesn't make any sense for us. You know,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: with one bank account, we make decisions together, any significant
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: financial decisions we make together. But everything is commingled. But
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: it makes sense for some people, or at least a
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: portion of their income goes into separate bank accounts, well
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: a chunk goes into a combined bank account. I mean again,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: you can you can make a variety of different arrangements.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: You can have a variety of different arrangements, uh, and
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: and and they can make sense. So I don't think
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: there's one way to do this. This is one of
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: the benefits of talking through is to is to figure
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: out what your preferences are and what works for the
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: two of you. You know, in a peanup, you would
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: talk about, Uh, what happens if a business that one
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: of your owns grows dramatically afterwards, how are you going
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: to handle that? Again, who does it belong to? Is
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: it marital property or is the business separate? What about
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: new assets? A new assets that are bought, does it
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: depend if it's brought from your separate accounts, that is,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: if it's brought from a from the joint account, how
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: you're you going to handle all that? And then of
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: course what are you to do with real estate? And
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: and and and again what happens under divorce and for
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: all of these what happens under death? And this is
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: part of a prenup can be part of you know,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: thinking about an estate plan. Another thing you should all
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: do is have a will, and if you have significant assets,
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: have an estate plan. You don't lay it out exactly
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: how you want this done both, particularly when you once
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: you have children, you need to handle things like that.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Then what about spousal support alimony if you get divorced.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Is there some agreement around this? Is this something you
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: want to re examine once you have kids. Again, if
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: you start putting in provisions around kids, most courtes won't
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: won't accept it. If you're gonna have alimony, if you're
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: gonna put that into the into the prenup, which might
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: be the case if one party is bringing a huge
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: amount of assets into the relationship, there might be a
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: promise of alimony in terms of in terms in the
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: case of separation. But if so, how much, for how long?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: And if you're not gonna have alimony, if you both
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: decided you are not gonna have alimony, you have to
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: make that explicit because again I think that the courts
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: will air on the side of pro alimony. And by
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: the way, courts have often stricken out clauses around alimony
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: if they think it's quote grossly unfair. When it's enforced
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: relative to when it was signed, So get legal advice.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: One of the things that they recommend in terms of
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: prenups is that each party should have their own lawyer,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: and you should really take it seriously. It's a contract,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: just like any other contract. Business interests, How the ownership,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: the profits? How do they handle? Uh? Does the claim?
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Does the spouse have a claim? Does they do they
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: have involvement? If they don't have involvement, did they have
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: a claim? All of that. Again, there's no one way
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: to do this, but it should be discussed. And then
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: what happens to a business if it if you do
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: get divorced, who owns the business? What happens to it?
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: And the inhabitances particularly these days, I mean, uh, millennials
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: and Gen zs are going to inherit trillions of dollars
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: from from baby boomers are who are going to be
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: dying here soon. I mean, this is a massive generation
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: that's accumulated a lot of wealth and they're gonna be
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: handing that wealth to millennials and Gen zs and uh,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: it's a lot of money and for some families it's
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: a huge amount of money. Well, how are you going
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: to treat that there's not much you can say in
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: a prenup about children. As I said, if you have
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: existing children you can and you should. But in terms
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: of future children again, courtes won't uphold that much. And
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: then what about deaths? A lot of people today have
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: student debts, they have other debts. How those going to
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: be handled going into a marriage? Are you both liable
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: for them? Are they? Are they separate somehow are they
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: going to be taking care of out of the joint accounts?
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Are the debts? What happens in the divorce if you
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: still have those debts? If one party takes on gambling debts,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: what happens? I mean, what happens to debts? And then
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: can one spouse become liable for the personal debts of
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: another of his spouse? So these are the kind of things,
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: These are the kind of things that a prenup covers.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: And again, to me, it makes complete sense to have one,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: you know, not just when there's an imbalance in terms
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: of one party has more assets than the other, but
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: just in terms of getting everything on the table and
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: deciding how you want your life to work together. Now, again,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: in my case, because we were so young, everything was
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: assumed that everything was going to be together. Everything was
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: going to be shared because we were going to share
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: a life together. Almost from the beginning, there was no
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: you know, everything we did we did together at that point,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: from that point on, so it's impossible to separate it out,
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: and it's certainly impossible to predict that. But once you again,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: once you get into your thirties, you have assets, there's
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: a separation there. There's a clear understanding of that separation
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: and makes sense to putting in writing. And even if
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: you decide to merge everything, which I think makes sense
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: for most people, put that in writing. Make it clear
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: that that's what you want and that's what your intention
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: is and how you intend to deal with it. Once
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: you're separate, I assume again, separate it out fifty to fifty. Now,
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: there's some crazy provisions people try to put into prenups.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: These are funny, they're funny, and they're crazy, and most
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: of them would get thrown out of our courts. But
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: that doesn't mean then they don't enter into prenups. There are,
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: for example, weight clauses if you gain more than X
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: number pounds after the wedding, or you get fined, or
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: the prenupper is void, or you know, you lose x
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: amount of money from your account if you have a
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: separate account, or if we do get divorced and you
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: put out a lot of weights, then you you get
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: less alimony. Now, supposedly these are in several celebrity prenaps.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: I did read in the in the Free Press article
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: that a provision like list was actually upheld by a
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: court and where somebody got penalized. I guess ten thousand
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: dollars for every ten pounds they gained or something like that,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: and this was upheld byck court. But from everything else
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: I've seen, usually these are not enforced by the courts,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: but they do sometimes there are other provisions around cheating, right,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: so you can be fined anywhere supposedly between fifty thousand
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: dollars and five million dollars if you're unfaithful. I don't
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: know if this is per occurrence and how you measure occurrences.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Supposedly Catherine Zada Jones and Michael Douglas have a five
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: million dollar adultery clause. Again, not clear if any of
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: this is upheld, it would be upheld by a court,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: but it seems kind of weird. It just seems weird.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: Both the weights and the and the panel or all
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: of these these these are kind of I mean, first
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: of all, you know, is it really about money? If
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: this cheating going on, is that going to resolve the issue?
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: And is money supposed to stop somebody from cheating? Is that?
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Oh shit, you know I'm not gonna cheat my wife
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: because that I mean, I have to pay a fifty
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars Now, I'm not going to do that. I'll
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: stop cheating because I don't want to lose the money.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Is that really what you want as the motivation? Is
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: there really how it should function? It strikes me as
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: a cheating of the relationship to put a to provide
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: incentives like that not to cheat, right, I mean, dishonesty
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: or dishonesty should be a basis for separation and divorce.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: How you decide to manage your sexual relationships and how
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: close do you want your marriage to be, and how
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: seriously you want to take so called cheating or it
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: is an open question that you need to decide between
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: the two of you, and it should be discussed and
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: debated and agreed upon between the two of you. But
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: it shouldn't be monetized. It's not about incentives. It's about
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: shared values and about your view of sex, and about
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: your view of what your relationship means to one another.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: So and and wait, god, I mean again, this is
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: you're really going to provide financial incentives for this? I
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: mean it isn't this about out self respect and and
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: about and and all kinds of extraneous circumstances. What if
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: one of the one of the couple gets sick and
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: and and and and part of being sick puts on weights.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, how do you It seems like
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: that is that is a ridiculous kind of a provision.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Another one that they have in there is a frequency
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: of intimacy clauses how many how many times a week
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: you have sex? And I guess penalties against the party
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: who doesn't want to have sex, and and you know,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: if it's less than twice a week or whatever, you
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: get penalized for it. If we get divorced one day. Again,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: it doesn't strike me that, uh, sex should be something
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: that is monetized. Not very romantic, but you know, sex
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: should be I have no problem with sex being scheduled
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: and sex being thought about and making sure that you
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: have sex often enough, but that should be part of
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: an ongoing, ongoing discussion and ongoing your ongoing relationship that
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: should not be predetermined. And plus all of that changes
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: of a time are changes with children and changes with age,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: It changes with uh, you know, busyness, and and you
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: can't regulate that travel. I mean there's so many uh,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: there's so many circumstances in which you couldn't live up
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: to the frequency and intimacy cause clause. And is the
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: prenup really going to specify all the exceptions for that.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Some people have in laws clauses. In laws once files
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: cannot have the mother in law move in or visit
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: for more the next days. Now, I have a huge
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: amount of sympathy for this clause. I think that makes
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: it makes a lot of sense. But again, this is
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: the kind of thing that I don't think you put
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: into a legal document. It's the kind of thing you
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: manage and you agree upon. And I don't know, it's
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: weird to talk about this in advance, but if there's
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: a particularly clingy in law, or if your spouse to
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: be is particularly clinging to their parents, it certainly might
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: be something to talk about. You do not want in
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: laws in your life. Too much. I'm not against the
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: in laws in your life, but they shouldn't be in
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: your life too much. And what is too much? You know,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: that's up to you. I guess I moved seven thousand
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: miles away from my in laws and my own parents.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: That gives you an indication of my view of how
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: involved in law should be. But you know, you need
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: to make those decisions, and those should be things you
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: should talk about. Social media clauses this is a weird one.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: No posting embarrassing on flattering photos. Like if your spouse
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: is posting on flattering embarrassing you know, photos, and you
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: ask them not to and they don't pay any attention
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: to it, You've got some problems in your marriage and
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: your relationship, and I don't think that is something that
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: should be negotiated up front. I think you should just
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: agree to take each other seriously and to you know,
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: when somebody has concerns about your behavior. If your spouse
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: has concerns about your behavior, you agree to take them seriously.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: But how many photos and what kind there are others?
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: You know, appearance upkeep? I guess in in in some
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: some couples have this, uh they specify the cosmetic surgery
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: costs will be covered by the joint account. I guess
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: they also specify that each spouse will maintain their attractiveness.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: You know, you assign in your twenties a budget for
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: plastic surgery into your eighties, that makes a lot of sense.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: And then pet clauses. Pet clauses probably do make sense,
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: particularly if you're bringing a pet into a relationship. Who
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: gets the dog, who gets the cat? The fact that
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: an animal is coming into the relationship, all that makes sense.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: There also other quirky stuff, you know, people put into
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: prenup shopping limits, vacation requirements, household duties, who does what?
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: None of these inforcable, by the way, I think, don't
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: seem like they're enforceable. But again, things that you would
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: think would be negotiated as you live your life, Like
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: we're getting all these things. Things are going to change
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: over time. To think that you in your twenties and
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: thirties can determine these kind of things thirty years into
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: the future. It's just silly household duties who takes out
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: the garbage and who cooks dinner? And again, but all
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: of that you think will change with children with different
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: career paths with. I mean that is something you are.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: Part of marriage is the constant negotiation around these things,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: the constant understanding of who does what. If you're not
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: willing to engage in ongoing constant negotiating around these things
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: and don't get married career conditions, I guess whose career
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: is more important, I don't know. I mean, you can
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: imagine move clauses. If a job acquires, a move is
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: the spouse will quiet by contract to follow you. Again,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: these are the kind of things that should be negotiated
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: within the marriage agreed upon. But if there is, what
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: if your spouse to be tells you, look, I always,
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: for the rest of my life want to live in
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: Iowa City. I'm never going to be twenty miles away
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: from my parents and my siblings and my family, and
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: I never want to leave Iowa City. Well, that's good
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: to know in advance. Good to know in advance because
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: you might have different ambitions. So those are kind of
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: things that are good to put on the table, good
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: to discuss, good to talk about before you get married.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, one of the things that I loved about
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: my wife is before we got before we got married,
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: you know, I said something like one day, I want
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: to move to the US. And my wife had never
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: been outside Israel, she'd never been on an airplane. And
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: her response was, when do we leave? Right? That's my
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: kind of woman, right, eger and and excited about the adventure.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: If she'd said, oh, no, I never want to leave Israel,
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: that would have been a killer, could have been a killer,
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: would definitely been a problem. Right. So you want to
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: know these things in advance. You want to know these
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: things in advance. Do you want to have children? Shouldn't
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: be in the contract, but you should know in advance.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: You know, we decided when we got married, no children
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: for at least seven years. We had our first child
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: seven years later. Give a take. So you want to
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: have you want to have an understanding about these things.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: It's really really important. Religion. You want to talk about religion, right,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: your expectations about religion and your expectations about raising kids
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: and religion visavi the kids. I mean, that's important. It's
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: going to be a real point of contention if you
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: leave it for later, somebody upset because they haven't answered
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: the question yet. I get to the questions afterwards, So
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I get to all the questions but I get to
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: the questions in the next few minutes. We'll get there.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: But once I finish my spiel, I don't do it
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: while i'm doing it. So all of these kinds of
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: issues should be on the table, even if you don't
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: really want to put them into a contract. All right,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: So here's my bottom line on prenups. I think they're
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: a good idea. I think they should primarily be limited
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: to financial issues and financial disclosure and financial planning. Uh,
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: but they're a good idea, But there are an opportunity
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: to bring up a lot of other issues about expectations
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: regarding children and sex and uh, religion and travel and
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: where you're going to live and all these other things.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: Particularly again, the older you are, the more setting your
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: ways you are. You want to know how your spouse
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: is also set in their ways. I mean, the younger
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: you are, the more flexible you tend to be, the
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: less setting in your ways you are, the more you're
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: going to grow together. The big advantage of marrying young
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: the significant disadvantages, But there's some real advantages. The biggest
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: advantage of marrying young is that you grow up together.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: That is your you, You you shape you, hope, shape
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: each other. You're literally your values. You know, if you
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: do this well, if you do it right, and if
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: if you fed, you are you are growing your values.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: You're choosing your values together. You know you're making and
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: creating a joint life from nothing. You come with no
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: really very little baggage, with no pre preconditions, no set ways,
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: no particular place, no particular money, no particular profession, and
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: you're now going to create something a marriage, a relationship,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: a joint venture right together, not as two separate entities,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: but together. And the later you marry, the more difficult.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: There's a sense in which the more difficult that together.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: And that says because you're bringing so much of the
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: kind of life you've already created for yourself into that relationship.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: It's why I think at some point there's probably a
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: sweet spot for Wind to get married. At some spot
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: it starts getting hotter and harder. You kind of you've got,
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: You've created a whole set of habits, whole set of
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: values associated with living alone, and now it's much harder
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: to share, much harder to share. So anyway, that is
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: that is my view of prenupts. I'll see what questions
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: you have I did want to answer this one question.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: I do want to answer this one question because I
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: thought it was a good question. It relates to a
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: show I did in February about love and sex. If
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: you haven't heard that show, you can check it out.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: It was sometime in mid February. I did a show
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: in Love and Sex, and this is the question he asked.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: He says, since values changed over time, I wonder what
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: you think would be helpful to prevent someone from devalue
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: in your life. Is there anything people can do to
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: keep each other as their highest values? Or is it
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: essentially fate. I think it's a really good question because
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: one of the great challenges is living with somebody else
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: for a long period of time. Is what happens when
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: you drift apart? And what does it mean to drift apart?
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: What it means to drift apart is to now have
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: different values to be focused on or seek different things important.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: And as you each one of you has different values,
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: you become less of a value to each other because
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: there's less values overlap between you. So I think this
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: is a I mean, I think it's a really good question,
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: and I think it's a really really important question. And
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: it's one that is particularly as you get engaged in
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: different careers, or if one spouse is taking to give
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: the kids and the others working. You could see how
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: that drift can happen. You engage in work all the time,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: and they engage in childhooing, and and you've got different
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: sets of problems, and you suddenly find that you're thinking
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: about different things, and your different energy levels, and your
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: different different perspectives on the future and the present and everything.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: It's hard. So how do you how do you work
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: at Is it possible, first of all, to work at
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: keeping your values aligned or is it just fate? Is
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: it just gonna work and not going to work? And
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: I'm not a big believer in fate. I am a
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: big believer in in working on stuff. And sometimes you
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: do it more consciously and sometimes you do it less consciously.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: But I think the right approach is to always find
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: those values that you share that important to both of
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: you and cultivate those, spend time on those, invest in
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: those well, appreciating the fact that you're also going to
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: have separate values, interests that are not aligned, but so
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: respect for the values of the other. That is the
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: fact that somebody has a value that is not yours.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: My wife loves learning languages, or she loves dancing. I
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: don't like dancing, and I have no interest in foreign languages.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: But I have a huge amount of respect for the
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: fact that she values these things, that she's passionate about them.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: And you know, I give her the space and encouragement
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: and support to pursue the things that she loves and engages,
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: including the fact that I don't dance, so she gets
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: to dance with other guys and that's just part of
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: her love of dance. There's no other way to do
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: it right. The one way is to allow your spouse
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: to grow, never to hold them back, to give them space,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: to give them space to grow, to give them space
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: to seek out those values, but to establish as much
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: as possible a base where your values are shared. You know,
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: for us, for example, a love of art. Right, we
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: both learned about art together, she more so than I
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: because she has degrees in it. But we learned about art.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: We've collected art, we go to museums together, we got
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: the upper together, we have concerts together. We're constantly engaged
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: in this pursuit together. She's an artist. I'm not, but
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: I love art. So it's a shared value. And we,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: you know, we grow together having children, loving those children,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: investing in those children, raising those children, be involved in that.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Having that shared value you constantly. You know, for us, objectivism,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: the philosophy of objectivism, we learned it together. We studied
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: it together. I studied it most seriously because my inclination
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: is going intellectual. But she took all of Land and
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: Peacock's courses and we took them together, and we went
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: over Opah. She was in the study group when we
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: did Opah together. We did it all together so that
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: we shared in that leve of the philosophy. Conferences together,
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: events together, lectures together, so we're sharing that. So you've
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: got to find those values that you share which brought
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: you together, hopefully, and then cultivate them together and make
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: sure that you're allocating time to cultivating your shared values.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: You're each going to go off and do your thing,
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: invest in your values, do the thing that interests you separately,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: and you've got to each give space to the other
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: to be able to do that. And then you've got
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: to come together too, you know, to together experience and
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: work on and invest in the values that you share
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: and you've got to invest in that. It won't just happen.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: It's easy to drift apart. That's easy, that's a noursha,
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: that's fate. The work has to be done in finding
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: the share values and investing in those shared values, and
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: devoting the time to the shared values, and devoting time
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: to one another, spending time with one another, and doing
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: that when life is crazy and you have kids running
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: around and it's insane, or when the job is really
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: really tough, for when you're traveling a lot of find
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: the time to spend time together and invest in that
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: relationship and invest in those values. Sex here is really
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: important because sex is a real way in which you bond.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: You're bonding around pleasure. You're bonding around a shared value.
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: You're bonding around something that you're both enjoying, that you
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: both value, that you both you know, really having fun
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: doing together that as much fun separately. So those are
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: kind of things constantly to be investing in to make
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: sure that you don't drift apart and that you stay
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: a value to each other. And if you have enough
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: shared values, if you invest enough time, if you have
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: pleasure together, if you invest in pleasure together. Then it's
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: likely you will remain each other's top value. You will
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: remain at value to each other. But again, you have
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: to work on it. You have to work on it.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: All right, let's see, all right, let's call that a
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: show that's about an hour. Wow, Okay, I talked about
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: that for a Now. I didn't think I had enough
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: that much to say about prenups. But there you go.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: Almond just came in with one hundred dollars a sticker.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Almond, really really really appreciate that. Thank you.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: You guys can still ask questions. There's a I think
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of content here. There's a lot of
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: stuff that can be asked if you're interested, of course,
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: so please use the supit chat to ask the question.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: Even with amen, we still don't really have We still
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: haven't made it. You will our kind of target for
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: the for the first hour. We have targets. The show
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: could not be possible without support from you, guys, and
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: we have targets for that support. So please consider supporting
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: the show, uh, and keeping the show on the air
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: and keeping the show thriving and uh, you know your
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: host motivated, and you can do that by expressing your support,
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: expressing the fact that you value the show with your support,
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: financial with your financial support. That is the trade, the
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: trade that we have. All Right, let's see what the
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: others stickers on and thank you again, really appreciate it.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: It's good to see you, Gary, thank you, Steven, thank you.
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: All Right, so let's let's stick some of your questions
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: and and see where we go from there. Let's start
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: with Andrew, Paul, thank you for the stick I appreciate it.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Andrew says, lives merge together in marriage, but that doesn't
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: mean collectivism. Ran once said that individualists make the best
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: husbands and wives, but she didn't expound, how do you
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: think individualism is relevant to this context? Well, I mean
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: it's everything in this context. A good marriage is a
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: marriage in which each partner in the marriage, and this
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: is true of a partnership in business. It's the true
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: of any partnership that each partner in the manage has
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: the opportunity to fully pursue their values and express who
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: they are and what they are, and that they are
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: pursuing their values, that they are, you know, constantly in
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: a sense, making themselves better, at making themselves interesting, making
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: themselves doing things that are interesting and fun and exciting
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: because of individuals, because they care about themselves. It's what
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: makes them appealing to the other partner, right. I mean,
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: I think a nightmare marriage is when one partner grows
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: and the other one doesn't. When one partner cares about
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: himself or herself and builds and creates and pursues values,
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: and the other one it doesn't care about, you know,
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: is not selfish enough to grow. Another thing is when
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: one partner grows and the other partner gets all of
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: their satisfaction in life from the growth of the other partner,
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: but they don't have a life for themselves, so they
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: never build up their own character, they never build up
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: their own sense of self, they never build up their
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: own values, and then they kind of left behind. And
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of marriages fall apart exactly for
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: those reasons, because the the two partners are not are
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: not both growing, they're not both ambitious, they're not both achieving.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, think about what collectivism would mean in a marriage.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: It would mean you never pursue individual values. You never
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: pursuing values that you don't share. Well, you can't share
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: all your values. We're all gonna have find things that
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: are interesting that the other site doesn't find interesting. Careers
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: A careers are going to be different, for example, So
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: collectivism would mean one party has to always sacrifice to
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: the other. I don't know how you determine who sacrificed
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: to whom, but sacrifice is needed. But again that would
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: be that would create resentment. Why am I sacrificing or
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: why am I being sacrificed to? Either way would create resentment,
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: And again that would not lead to or lead to
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: the achievement of success in marriage. Success in marriage is
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: going to be achieved by each party pursuing their own
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: values in harmony with the other. I mean individualists pursue
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: interest in harmony. It's not Marriage is not a zoo
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: sum world. It's an ever growing pie, ever growing pie economically, hopefully, spiritually, emotionally,
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: values wise, there's not You don't want to stagnate. So
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: individualists make the best marriage partners. Individuals make the best
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: business partners. The individuals make the best team members because
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: they are independent thinkers who contribute, and everybody wants to
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: contribute to the relationship. That's a good relationship where everybody's contributing.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Andrew rational frontier A connected topic. But what
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: do you think a proper meaning of the concept of
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: marriage is. Is it reproductive, financial, romantic, or mixture of all.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: How would it be different from a serious long term
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: romantic relationship. I mean, the only thing that makes it
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: different is that it's codified. It is now a represents
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: a certain commitment, a commitment to make this a long
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: term relationship, make it long term. Now, I have no
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: problem with people not getting married. I don't think marriage
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: is necessary. Marriage is there more to give it a
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: contractual essence and to have basically the court to be
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: able to facilitate any disagreement. But marriage symbolically is that
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: long term commitment. That's all it is. When you're living
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: with somebody in a serious long term relationship, you haven't
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: made the long term commitment. You haven't moved into. The
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: difference between that and marriage is the difference between Okay,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: now I'm saying, yeah, this is for as long as
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: I can imagine it. Also is I think important for
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: having children because you can have a long term romantic
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: relationship and you can have a contract, and you can
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: arrange your finances in a way that a fine and
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: if you split it's not a problem. You can buy
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: assets and have them split in the right way. You
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: can manage all that. But if you have children, now
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: it's a real complication. Children cannot be split. How do
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: you deal with children? How do you deal with the
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: fact that you might you know, divorce if you want, well,
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: if you don't have the marriage contract. Marriage is a contract,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: after all, then you're going to have to make it
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: up as you go along with regards to children, or
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: the courts will have to step in and make decisions
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: about it without the benefit of having a marriage contract
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: that shapes it all. How do you shape your assets
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: with children? So I think marriage is primarily in terms
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: of the contract. It's primarily there for dealing with the
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: complexity of having children, and it's there as a long
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: term as a statement to the world and to yourselves
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: that you're making a long term commitment. That's the roles.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: I think marriage makes plays. But I have no problem
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: with people living together and not being married and not
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: ever getting married. I don't think marriage has any kind
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: of sacred you know, something that you have to do.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: The most important thing is having that relationship, having that
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: long term close relationship. That's what you get the value from.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: But again, if you intend to have children, get married,
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: it makes it just makes it much easier, much more
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: legally predictable. Andrew, is there a connection between envy and collectivism? God,
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: I mean to an extent that collectivism is made on altruism,
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: and there's definitely a relationship between envy and altruism. Then yes,
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: I mean envy is often a consequence of the fact
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: that we're brought up to care about others more than
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: about ourselves, and many people don't want that that they
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: they resent that, and they internalize that resentment, and ultimately
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: that resentment turns into hatred of other people. Hatred of
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: other people because they are now the focal point of
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: my morality rather than me being in the focal point
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: of my morality. So I resent them because I'm supposed
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: to sacrifice for them. I resent them because I'm supposed
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: to I'm sort to give them stuff, or I resent
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: them because they're supposed to sacrifice to me and then
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: not sacrificing, and as a consequence I have I hate them,
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: and that hatred is becomes becomes a form of envy,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: and of course that is connected to collectivism because collectivism,
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: say hear that will all as individuals don't matter. What
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: matters is the group. It can only exist in an
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: altruistic society in which it says that your life doesn't matter,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: what matters is their life. You should be sacrificed to them.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: So it's it's that sacrificial element is the essential in
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: collectivism is what makes it work, it, what makes it
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: stick it, what makes people adhere to it, And so
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: it's connected to envy in that way. Mike, he says,
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: I just got here, but I'll watch later. Looks interesting.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: Thanks Mike, appreciate it, appreciate the support. Uh jjgbs. You
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: touched on this. But modern life has made it so
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: easy to live by yourself that it seems many people
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: find it hard to compromise. Why share a toilet fridge
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: when you can easily live by yourself and still find intimacy? Well,
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, can you really find intimacy? Can you real
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: find intimacy to the same extent as when you share
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: a toilet and a fridge with somebody you know it
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't have for she to have kind of the kind
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: of interestry that you're never going to have by yourself.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: You can certainly have sex without having a without getting married,
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: But can you have everything else? Can you have the
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: experience of sharing life with somebody, of pursuing values together
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: and and having the kind of visibility that comes from
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: somebody who knows you intimately, not just through sex, and
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: not because you've spent a couple of weeks together, but
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: because you've spent years and decades together and now you
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: know each other, and in that sense you provide each
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: other with the kind of visibility and the kind of support.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: And there is also the the you know, they getting
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: the supporting one one another when when things are not
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: so good, which I know people like John Peterson emphasize
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: and I think wrongly they make a marriage all about that.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: But it is a value. You know, when if you
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: get sick, there's somebody to take care of you. There's
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: somebody to make you soup, there's you know, there's somebody
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: to give to to be compassionate towards you, and to
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: provide you with attention. There's a value there. But it's
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: even more important when you're both healthy and doing fun stuff.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: You get to do it with somebody always everywhere, and
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: at the same time you can also have you alone time,
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: so it doesn't preclude that. And in a modern household,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: why couldn't you each have your own bathroom if that
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: was really important to you. I mean, most homes have
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: more than one toilet, and certainly we're all wealthy enough
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: to be able to forward more than one toilet. And
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: you can even have more than one fridge if you
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: really wanted to. It's not that hard. So if there's
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: certain things that bother you about living with somebody else,
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: you can find ways around those and yet benefit from them.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: The enormity of having a loving relationship with somebody. We
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: haven't mentioned the word love, right, but intimacy is not love.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: Love is much more than intimacy. Intimacy is an aspect
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: of love, but the intimacy is much deeper and much
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: more meaningful if love stands behind that. To have another
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: person that represents to you a high value is an
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: enormo benefit to you. Think of friendship on steroids, although
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: it's it's even a different dimension than friendship. So so
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: you to give up having your own toilets and having
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: your own fridge for the opportunity to spend decades with
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: somebody you love, to share values together, to experience life together,
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: to experience the beauty together, to experience children together, to
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: experience the successes together, but also to support one another
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: when things are not going well. It seems like a
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: cheap price to pay, fridge and a toilet doesn't seem
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: like a serious thing to worry about in the when
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: when the upside is so massive, and the upside is massive.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: Take those periods of intimacy we are with somebody on
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: a short run, and now extrapolate that the full fledged
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: long term relationship, and you get a sense of the scale,
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: of the intimate, of the benefits. And of course again
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: the intimacy is far deeper, far more meaningful, because it
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: is associated with a loving relationship and the knowledge of
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: one another that you just can't get with, you know, uh. Intimacy.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: By the way, living alone was always a possibility. It's
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: you know, it's it's richer today's it's a little easier,
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: but it's always possible. Jacob, thank you for the sticker.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: Appreciate it. Eric says, I just got married three weeks ago.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: Congratulations after nine years together. Excellent. I'm glad you were
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: together before you got married. That highly recommended, lived together
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: for a while, have sex together for a while before
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: you get married, marriage is too big of a commitment,
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: too important of a commitment, not to check it out
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: and test it out beforehand. Sex and living together A
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: good way is to do that, he writes. Eric says,
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: our values aligned with respect to ethics. Even though we
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: disagree politically, politics are not very important to me. Your
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: thoughts are objectives. Marrying non objectives. Yeah, I mean, what
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: choice do you have. They're not enough objectivists anyway in
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: the world. But no, I mean it's challenging more so
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: than if you're both objectivists, because there's going to be
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: things you disagree about, and they might not be important
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: to you right now, they might be more important to
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: you in the future. So it's going to be challenging.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: But if your values aligned around other things, and if
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: there's real love there, and if you've lived together for
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: nine years and it works and you love being with
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: one another, then the disagreement is about politics are about
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: other things are insignificant as comparative to the joy and
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: the wonder of being together, and I would focus on that.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: But you do have to recognize that there will be
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: points at which you will be frustrated with one another,
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: but that happens in every marriage. Even when you agree
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: and stuff, you don't always agree on everything, right, So
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: you just walk through those things. You work through those things,
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: and you focus on the positives, and you focus on
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: the things you share. All right, Thank you, Eric, and
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: congratulations Jennifer. A beautiful line from Put Neil Put regarding
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: getting to know someone quote, we are strangers to each other,
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: each one's life in novel no one else has read,
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: even joined in bonds of love. We are linked to
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: one another by such slender threads. Yes, although those threads
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: get thicker, yeah, and stronger and more meaningful. The longer
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: you live together, the longer you share values together, the
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: longer you get to read each other's novels, and the
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: longer you're writing a novel together. How's that for me?
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: Riffing off of a Neil Put. Thank you, Jennifer Wes,
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you Wes fifty dollars stick. I really really appreciate that.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: Thank you. We're chipping away at those goals. I appreciate that.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: All right. Jacob asks taking us into politics, I guess
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: what is your advised opinion on West Taiwanese action on
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: Eastern Taiwan. He calls China, West Taiwan. If yes, what
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: form will it take? Blockade, troops on the ground, et cetera. Look,
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but I think ultimately, the weaker America becomes,
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: and it certainly seems like it's becoming weaker, the more
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: likely it is the troops on the ground. I think
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: if the Chinese are smart, they do it quickly, with
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: overwhelming force, without any warning signs. Uh, you know, drop
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: special forces into the into Taiwan, take out, take out
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: whatever defenses they have from within, Flood the Taiwan straits
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: with ships so that even the best anti ship defences
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: just get they just get blown away by the fact
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: that you're flooding them. Use your hypersonic missiles to take
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: out whatever defenses they have on land, and just take
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: the island quickly, a blitz grieg to the extent that
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: you can do that on an eye island. I think
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: that's what they do, uh, When I have no idea,
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: They're probably not ready yet, and they and they probably
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: want to wait until America is weaker. Although there's a
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: chance they become weaker too, it's not clear that they're
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: becoming stronger. Jason, thank you for the sticker. Really appreciate it. Michael.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: If she won't sign a prenup, she's in for something
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: other than love. Oh god, Michael, I don't know he's
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: got He's a tough one it. Yeah, I mean that's
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: for you to work out with your loved one. And uh,
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know that love just comes and goes based
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 1: on whether they sign a prenup or not. You know.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 1: Part of it is to explore why, what's stopping somebody
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: from signing a prenup? What's going on now? Michael obviously
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: has money, so he's entering the relationship with funds and
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: and and and it is a concern for him. But yeah,
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: I understand why it's importance. But I wouldn't give up
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: on somebody you love that quickly. You got to fight
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: for her. You got to fight for her, Jamie. In
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: a private health care system, what would happen to people
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: with disabilities, people denied claims, people with mental health conditions?
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: What percentage people do you think wouldn't be able to
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: get insurance? And should government pay for them? So let
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: me start with the final question. The final one is
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: no goverment has no role here, no role in any
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: of this. So whatever solutions we come up with. Government
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: cannot be a part of the solution because none of
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: these none of these issues justify the use of coasion,
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: justify the use of force. The fact that you have
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: a disability does not give you a right to my stuff,
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: does not give you a right to use force against me,
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 1: even if you're using that force indirectly by hiring the
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: government to come in after me. So it cannot be
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: that the government is the solution. So what's left, Well,
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: what's left is us society, people, individuals. So with the
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: fact that people have families, families will take care of
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: people with disabilities. Families will take people who for some
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: reason can't get insurance. That's part of what families do.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: That's part of the job of families. And in a
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: world like that, I have to mention, we would also
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 1: be quite a bit richer. I think it's important to
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: note imagine how much less taxes you would be paying
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: if health care was truly private. And by the way,
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: health insurance would be a lot, a lot cheaper. Now
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 1: we would only cover you mostly for catastrophic stuff. It
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: would be a lot cheaper. The whole healthcare industry would
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: be completely restructured. And would be more fodable and cheaper,
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: and you would be richer. And that's important to take
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: into accounts in all of this. Now, if family doesn't exist,
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: or family doesn't have the money, or family can't do it,
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: then charity they would have. There would be charitable institutions
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: that would take care of people. Hospitals would have charitable
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: charity wings that have charity funds. Doctors might have that
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: where they see a certain number of patients a goddess,
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: they do a certain number of operations without charging. Charity
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: would have to take care of patients. What percentage of
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: people do you think wouldn't be able to get insurance?
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: I think after a while you'd have to let the
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: system grow and mature and markets to adjust and market
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: to get created. In a mature, free market healthcare system,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: I think the number would be close to zero. And
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: I'm serious because there would be so many different types
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: of insurance, and there was be so many different ways
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: in which to insure against not having insurance that almost nobody,
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: very very few people would have would have would not
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: be able to find some form of insurance to cover them.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: And remember, insurance would be really really cheap in America, today,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: if you had no regulations on insurance, a catastrophic insurance
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: policy costs less than your cell phone bill, and everybody
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: has a cell phone already pays that bill. Everybody could
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: pay for health insurance and says I'm hoping most students
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: take the doctor Mommy inductive biology course and cure disabilities. Yeah,
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: take the doctor Mommy Induction Biology course. Where is that? Where?
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, where do people take that? They take that
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: on YouTube? How do they find it? Doctor Mommy? All right, Andrew,
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: didn't expect you to tie altruism to envy. Very interesting.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: You didn't expect that seems obvious to me. I'd also
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: add envy that collectivists compare with others is an unhealthy
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 1: zero sum way. Others gain not the threat to me,
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: and can be an inspiration. Okay. So yeah, that's another
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: way in which collectivism, that is collectivism teaches us to
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 1: look always at other people and evaluate everything in the
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: relative to other people. And that means that we start
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: looking looking at others. How you know, how much money
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 1: do they have, and what kind of car do they drive?
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 1: And what you know all of that, and then it's
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 1: about keeping up with the Joneses and then when you
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: can't keep up with the jones is, then you resent them,
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: and that builds up the envy around them, and that
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 1: collectivism encourages. Whereas individualists don't care about what the neighbors have.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: They're focused on what they can create, what they can build,
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 1: what they can have, what they can make, and what
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: the neighbors have. The neighbors have, they're not taking it
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 1: from me. Generally, zero some mentalities and zero some perspectives
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: encourage envy because other people's success comes at seemingly my expense.
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 1: That's the meaning of zero sum. All right, guys, full
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: more twenty dollars questions, and we make our goal a
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: second hour goal. Let's see if that can happen. We
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: could also do eight or nine ten dollars questions, but fast.
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: If we do, then twenty dollars questions. Islam Ali can
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: cheating be forgiven? Well, I mean it depends. What do
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: you mean by cheating? Uh? You know? Is it? What
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: is it that is unforgivable about cheating? Is the deception unforgivable?
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: Is the lying unforgivable? Or is having sex with somebody
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: else unforgivable? Which one of those unforgivable? And to me,
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: the lying and deception might be unforgivable. That is, if
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: somebody is lying about it, particularly if it's over a
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: period of time. It's not like it was last week
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: and they only they only told me about it today.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: But if it's if it's a pattern of deception and lying,
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: that is unforgivable. Somebody having sex outside of marriage, is
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: that unforgivable? I think it's forgivable. I don't think it's unforgivable.
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's it's that big of a deal.
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: But you know, obviously people are going to have different
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: views about fidelity sexual fidelity, and mine affaily liberal if
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: you will. So you know, I don't think I think
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: the expectation of the expectation of monogamy forever. Yeah, I
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: don't think it's that important or that or that substantive.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: It's the lining in deception which I think are problematic.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: And you know, the lying in deception, that's a real
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: violation of of of of what do you call it,
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: of real virtues, of moral virtues. It's a sign of immorality,
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: and it is a sign of immorality. It's reflective of
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: it's going to apply to other things. Why why would
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: you think somebody would line deceive you only in one
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: area of life? What about other areas of life? So
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: I'm less concerned about, you know, monogamy and sexual s exclusivity,
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: then I am about lying and cheating and lying and cheating,
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: which I think are very difficult to forgive, and they
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 1: have to be they would have to be you know, real,
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, they'd have to be a real context in
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 1: which you could figure out how to forgive somebody for that.
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 1: But that would be hard. And I'm not for polyomerie.
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 1: I don't believe in I don't think you can sustain
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: a marriage with more than one person. I don't think
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: you can sustain relationships with more than one person. I
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: don't think that's possible. But I'm also not you know,
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: so I also don't think somebody having a one night
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: stand or having a relationship with somebody under certain circumstances
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: is such a sin or or such a big deal.
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 1: So I think sustaining intense, loving relationship with more than
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: one person is probably not doable. It's probably too complicated,
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 1: and it's probably just I don't think we have enough energy.
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: I don't think we have enough focus. I mean sustaining
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: a lasting long term relationship with one person is really, really,
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: really hard. It requires a lot of effort sustaining that
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: kind of relationship that with that intensity and that intimacy
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 1: with more than one person at the same time. I
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: just don't think it's sustainable for very long. But that
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 1: that doesn't mean it necessitates sexual exclusivity. So anyway, I'll
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: let you figure what that out exactly, how that plays out.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: The values too intense to share it with a lot
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 1: of people for more than a short period of time.
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying you couldn't have it for a short
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: period of time. I just don't think you could have
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: it for very long. Jacob, what is your opinion on
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 1: honeymoon duration. We're thinking of a reception in Taipei, tennis
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: days in Japan and tennish in Italy in the fall
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: of twenty twenty seven. I mean, I have no opinion
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: about that. I mean that depends on how much money
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: you have, how much time you can be away from work.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: It depends on how much you like traveling and what
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: you like to do when you travel. And I mean
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 1: ten days in Japan and ten days in Italy sounds
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 1: amazing to me. Good for you. I mean, that's great.
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: My honeymoon was I think it was two nights in
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 1: a hotel in Jerusalem and a nice dinner because that's
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: all I could afford. I mean, and I remember I
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: had two hundred bucks in the bank. It really really
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: depends depends on what stage in life you are. It
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: depends on how much energy you have, but also how
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: much money you have. H Jacob, our income split will
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: be sixty five thirty five for most of our life,
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: yet we will need to move around for my job
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 1: multiple times. Should full one k be split along income lines?
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think so. That doesn't strike me
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: as a big enough gap to justify that. I and
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: I would, I mean, I think you should merge your
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: accounts and and and just split everything fifty to fifty.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: Remember why your income split might be sixty five thirty five,
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: and she will have to move because of your work
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 1: when you have if you have kids, and when you
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 1: have kids, the division might not be fifty to fifty.
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: Somebody might have to take time off of work. There
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: might be a lot of other things going on where
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: you're not gonna divvy everything up fifty to fifty or
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: sixty five thirty five. So I would just throw everything
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: into and you're not gonna you're not gonna necessarily spend
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: the money sixty five thirty I would generally just put
• 1:29:02
  Speaker 1: it all into one pool unless there is real big differences,
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: and thirty five sixty five doesn't strike me at that big.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 1: All differences in the wealth you're bringing into the arrangement.
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: But again there is there is plenty of I don't
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 1: know what that is. There's plenty too, there's plenty of
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: optionality here that you get to decide. I don't have
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: strong opinions about any of that. Andrew Conservative's attitude towards
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 1: marriage is that you should get married because that's what
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: others do. It's like a tribalistic duty. It's unintellectual, a
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 1: failure to rationally explain the value. Yeah, I think that's true.
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: It's what everybody's always done. You have to have kids,
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 1: and marriage is the only way to within what you
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 1: have kids. You know, again, Paterson has this attitude of
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: you want to get married so that the other person
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 1: takes care of you when you have cancer, which again
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: is not a which is a value. It's it's not worthless,
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: but it shouldn't be the reason to you want to
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: get married so that you have somebody with you, so
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: you know, not lonely, because a lot of people don't
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: have that many values and they don't know what to
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 1: do with themselves. You know, Conservatives might get married again
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: because they believe in sex. Sex should be within marriage,
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: and they don't believe in too much sex. A little bit,
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: but not too much sex outside of marriage. Lots of
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 1: reasons why conservatives get married, many of them not very good. Andrew,
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 1: A great part of having a similar sense of life
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: with another is that it allows for particular interests to defer.
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 1: It's like the fabric of your souls are interwoven despite
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: different shades overlaid. Yeah, I agree. I agree with that
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: cheaps overlaid. Yes, I agree with that. It's the sense
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: of life is the thing that holds you together. It's
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 1: the it's the thing that underlies the shape values. It's
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: a thing that emotionally connects you. It's a thing that
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: spiritually connects you, and and and at the same time,
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 1: you can have other values, but you always go back
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: to that rational frontier reference to my previous question plus
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: more support. Thank you appreciate that Eric. By the way,
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 1: if you think it was a mistake to marry a
• 1:31:46
  Speaker 1: non objectivest I will have to respectfully disagree. I don't
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: think that, so no disagreement required. Jason, can you spend
• 1:31:59
  Speaker 1: a minute talking about the morality and the extent of
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 1: the fees of voluntary taxes we would should pay for
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 1: contracts like prenups and marriage licenses to be covered by
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 1: the courts. Got it? Yeah, I mean, I don't know
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: what there is to say beyond I think in a
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 1: rational society where the government does not tax you, you
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 1: would pay in order for a contract that you signed
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 1: to be enforced by the government, to be enforced by
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 1: the courts and by the policing power of the government.
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 1: So beyond arbitration, just straight voluntary arbitration, you I think
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 1: would have to pay a fee, some kind of filing fee,
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 1: and that filing fee would go to sustaining the courts
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 1: and the policing power of the government so that they
• 1:32:57
  Speaker 1: could enforce and that they could they could spend the
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 1: money on the on the trial. I think that is
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 1: a way. Basically, it's a it's it's voluntary because you
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 1: don't have to do it. You can just keep it
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 1: at arbitration, and it's a it's a way to fund
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 1: the government uh by using a voluntary mechanism that is
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 1: not involved cosion. I don't know if they have much
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 1: more to say about that than that, Linda, keeping art
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 1: records pre and post marriage can be very important. Well,
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: I mean art, yes, I mean to the extent art
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: as an asset. I think the art that I had
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 1: before I was married was a poster, uh, a sufferdol
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 1: Dali poster. That was all the arts I had before
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 1: I got married. And the funny thing is my wife
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 1: had exactly the same poster. It's one of the things
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 1: that we connected on. She had exactly the same poster
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 1: in her bedroom as I had in mind. So yes,
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 1: but if you have any asset, including art, keeping records
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 1: of that and putting it into the peanut makes sense.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: And talking about how you want to divvy up that
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 1: art if you ever get divorced and divvy up all
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 1: the art you're going to proach this together. There there's
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 1: a lot of that we need more. Your run book law.
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 1: What is your run book law? Give me an example
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 1: of your run Brook law. L O R E. I
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 1: don't know what that is. Okay, I guess this is
• 1:34:31
  Speaker 1: the last super check question. So if you still want
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: to ask a question, if you're still interested in any
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 1: of this, jump in, I like numbers says, since you've
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 1: called for EU Media to publish Muhammad cartoons, maybe you
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 1: could put them on your website to set an example.
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 1: I mean I did years ago, And yeah, I mean,
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know where I have put them on the website,
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 1: but I certainly would put them up when the occasion occurred,
• 1:35:02
  Speaker 1: and when they become news, I would certainly do that.
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, I think if there's an appropriate
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 1: place on my website to put them, maybe with a
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 1: video next to a video with them I used to have.
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 1: I used to have I think the thumbnail, so the
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 1: thumbnail I had for a show I did on a
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: cartoon's had the cartoons so it was always up on
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 1: my YouTube channel. Still up. I think it's still up there.
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 1: I think Jamie also on prenups.
• 1:35:34
  Speaker 2: If I ask her for one and she doesn't want one,
• 1:35:38
  Speaker 2: we're both essentially we're both essentially saying we believe there's
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 2: a chance it will fail.
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 1: How do you figure out who's right and who should
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 1: get their way? I don't think there's a formula for that.
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, look, the possibility of failure is a fact.
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: It's not an opinion. You know, you don't know what
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 1: the future holds. You just don't. That is a reality.
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 1: You cannot predict the future with certainty. And the possibility
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 1: of failure is just facing up to reality. It's being objective,
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 1: it's being rational. What to do about it is the
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 1: question should you have a peanup or shouldn't you? And
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 1: here I think you have a have a discussion, a
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 1: discussion about why she's opposed to it? What is it
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 1: about that she doesn't like? What is it about that
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 1: that she's the worries? Sir? How can you deal with
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: those worries, deal with the fact, deal with her concerns
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 1: interrational in a rational building kind of way. So I
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 1: wouldn't make the fact that she won't sign a peanup
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 1: that's it. I'm walking away, That's the beginning of a conversation.
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 1: And it could be that at the end of the
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 1: conversation is to try to walk away. But then it's
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: the nature of the conversation it's going to lead you
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 1: to that, not the fact that you won't sign a prenup.
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe she has a false idea of what a peanup is.
• 1:37:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe she has a false idea about what is involved,
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 1: of what could be provisions in it, about how you
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: want to handle the asset distribution or whatever. Have the conversation,
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 1: figure out what exactly is going on that. I mean,
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: one of the most important things about marriage is communication.
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 1: You've got to communicate. You've got to talk these things out.
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: You're not going to agree on everything, You're often going
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: to disagree. Well, how do you pash out the disagreements?
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: How do you deal with them? Well, this is a
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 1: good opportunity to start. Okay, Andrew, I'm dealing with the
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 1: last vestiges of collectivism in my mind with your help.
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: Is it your view that altruism is the essential factor
• 1:38:09
  Speaker 1: that binds us to others falsely and leads to a
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: collectivistic psyche. I think it usually is unless you've had
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 1: a particularly tribal upbringing that kind of skipped over altruism
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 1: and just bound you to a particular tribe, a particular group.
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 1: And you can imagine that if you were raised a Mormon,
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 1: and or and I just speaking on moments, you were
• 1:38:37
  Speaker 1: raised in Israel. When I was raised in Israel. You know,
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 1: where a lot of energy is spent on the tribe,
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 1: the importance of the tribe, the meaning of the tribe,
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 1: that the reliance on the tribe that they you know,
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 1: that everything is engaged with. The type usually goes with
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 1: altruism because what they're demanding is your sacrifice to the tribe.
• 1:39:00
  Speaker 1: But it could skip an explicit altruistic theory and just
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 1: focus on the group and the value of the group,
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 1: and the importance of the group, and the fact that
• 1:39:08
  Speaker 1: you have to be a member, and that the group
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 1: is more important than you. And I think certain tribes, religions,
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 1: nationalities do a lot of that, and they use guilt
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 1: in order to achieve a lot of that. So altruism
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 1: is often there, but I guess not always. Doesn't always
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: have to be at forefront and center of it, okay, Islamili.
• 1:39:37
  Speaker 1: The discernment in cheating makes perfect sense. But isn't sex
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 1: tight to love? How can a partner be comfortable with
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 1: the others sleeping with someone else? I mean, look, sleeping
• 1:39:52
  Speaker 1: with someone else is tight to love, but doesn't have
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: to be tight to love. You could be in a
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 1: situation where there's shared values with somebody else and there
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 1: is real passion, and there's real sexual attraction that does
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 1: not involve full pledge love, and there's nothing wrong with that.
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 1: It's not the ideal. The ideal is sex combined with love.
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 1: But there might be moments in your life, at times
• 1:40:22
  Speaker 1: in your life where you know the pleasure that comes
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 1: from sex, not with somebody that represents no value to
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 1: they have to represent some value to you, but somebody
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 1: who represents value to you, not just because they're hot.
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's enough. You know, physical characteristics, I
• 1:40:41
  Speaker 1: don't think anywhere near enough, but because something you've just
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know, you've worked closely together, you know, on
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 1: a project, and I mean, be careful with doing this
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 1: with a coworker, but you know that there are all
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 1: kinds of circumstances which bind you intimately with somebody else
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 1: and that can result in sex. And I'm just not
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 1: ready to say that I'm willing to put aside an
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 1: entire relationship because somebody engaged in that. I just don't
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 1: think that that is right with it. Even if you
• 1:41:18
  Speaker 1: think it's wrong, I don't think it's a wrong that
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 1: rises to that level. And what if somebody you know
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 1: thought they were falling in love with somebody again. There's
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 1: nothing metaphysical that says you can only love one person
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 1: at one time. Again, I don't think it's sustainable to
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 1: love more than one person for very long, but for
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 1: a short period it's possible. Anyway. I am far from
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: being an expert on these things, and if we have
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 1: a psychologist of sex and love, we can ask them
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: for more on this. All right, let's see. I think
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 1: that's it. I think we covered all the questions. Thank you, guys.
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 1: Thanks to all the super shatters, really, really, really really,
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 1: I'm thankful for your support. Thank you to Amin who
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 1: came in with one hundred dollars, really appreciate that. And
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 1: to Wes who did fifty. Thank you to all the
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 1: super chatters who asked great questions. I think I got
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: all the stickers they did, and I will see you guys,
• 1:42:28
  Speaker 1: probably do something tomorrow, maybe more newsy, maybe not. You
• 1:42:32
  Speaker 1: like this show, I mean this kind of stuff you
• 1:42:35
  Speaker 1: like me to talk about. Let me know if you
• 1:42:37
  Speaker 1: like me talking about this kind of stuff. By the way,
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 1: one of the ways you can let me know you
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 1: like me talking about this kind of stuff is by
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 1: reaching out targets on these kind of shows and then
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 1: I go, oh, if I talk about like sex and
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 1: marriage and love and Evonn's rules for life and stuff
• 1:42:54
  Speaker 1: like that, they really value it because they put their
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 1: money where their mouth is, where they values are, any
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 1: with their values are, and they show me the love.
• 1:43:03
  Speaker 1: So that's one way, uh, that's one way to do
• 1:43:07
  Speaker 1: uh to do it to guide me towards the content
• 1:43:11
  Speaker 1: that you would like me to talk about. Jacob just
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 1: chimed in with five bucks, expressing his preferences clearly. Thank you, Jacob.
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 1: All right, guys, I will see you all, probably tomorrow,
• 1:43:26
  Speaker 1: but certainly on Monday and most of next week. I
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 1: will be traveling towards the end of the week. And yeah,
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 1: see you soon. Bye, everybody.