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Grudge Holder · Let's Ask the Mamas!

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We got a question for American Mamas. Dear Mamas, are
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: you a grudge holder?
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Well, let's ask our American Mamas.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Mama, Mama, Mama.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Mama told me not to come. She said, that ain't
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: the way to have fun, no. And joining us now
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: are American Mamas Tara Netterville and Kimberly Burleson. No way
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: are y'all grudge holders.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: She's not. She's not. She does not hold grudge.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: We have one who's not one who is.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I quietly do.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: It's amazing how really it takes like one event to
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: turn you into a grudge, like one person doing something
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: that just like turns you off. I was talking to
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: my husband about this, about this particular friend of ours.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Well, there's no way Mike's a grudge holder.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: No, no, no.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: He's not at all. But he is if somebody's hurt me.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: So we were talking about this friend of ours when
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Stone was in four-year preschool. I went as Morticia on Halloween.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: It was our Halloween, so everybody dressed up and I went.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, how awesome.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: I went as Morticia.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Doesn't that make sense?
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  Speaker 3: So I go and one of my... She's a friend,
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: but this lady, I didn't know her at the time,
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: she said, can I talk to you outside? And I'm like, sure.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: So we step outside, and she tells me she felt
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: my costume was inappropriate because it is a pagan holiday,
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: and I look scary. I thought I looked pretty, but
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: she's like, I look scary. She didn't want the kids
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: to be scared, and I was mortified.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Mortified.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: And so I took the long wig off, you know,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: and I wanted to cry because I was new to
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: the skulls. So we were talking about Halloween, sharing that story,
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: and Mike said, I haven't liked her ever since then.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I went, really?
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: Because they're friends. And he's like, no, I've never liked
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: her since that happened. Yeah. And I was like, you
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: sound like Terry.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, that's the thing. If you have broken the
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: spirit of one of my children, or you've tried to
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: harm the reputation of one of my sisters, or you've
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: dogged out in public my husband, or if it happens
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: to someone I love, it's hard for me to let
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: go of it. I might be kind to you. It's
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: going to be arm's length distance. I'm not going to
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: be close to you. You might try to get close
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: to me, but I don't forget those sorts of things.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: When it happens to me, it's easier to forgive and forget.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: In fact, I am of the mindset, do not tell
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: me if someone doesn't like me or how someone feels.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I don't want to know.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: If I know, then I'll treat them differently.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Because you just assume everybody likes you.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I just assume. Like, what did I do to you?
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: And why not?
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: But to fixate on the one that, like, Terry will have,
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Terry will be most popular in all of eighth grade,
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: and one kid won't like her, and she will fixate
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: on why that one kid does like, why? Isn't that weird?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: It's like writing. I'm sure you've done this. Like, I
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: used to write on Facebook, like, you know, short stories
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: all the time.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: All the time, yeah.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: And people would say glowing things, but if I had
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: one person or, you know, a friend who that said
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: anything negative like, I mean, this is kind of elementary
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: or this is too long, I would focus on that like,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: why would you say that? You know, instead of just
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: like figuring out all the nice things. So, yeah, I do.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: I really wish that I was like Ridge, my grandson.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: He's two.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: He'll get in so much trouble. He'll get in trouble
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: by his parents, you know, to where he's just bawling
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: his eyes out and he has to go and count
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: to ten and say he's sorry and all that stuff.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: He comes out of that little, you know, out of
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: his little sad seat or whatever. He comes in there
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: and still will say, tell your mommy sorry. Sorry, mama.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: And then he's just right back to play. Yeah, we're
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: all good. I wish I was.
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: I saw this little clip of Todd and Chrisley. Todd
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: and Julie Chrisley were talking about relationships. And he was
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: talking about his dear, sweet wife, like she's a grudge holder,
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: like she doesn't move forward. And she said, because, I mean, why?
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: And he said, because there's growth. You know, you've got
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: to grow. That's how you grow through things. You try
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: to figure out what's bothering you. And she goes, I
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: don't want to anymore. I don't have to grow.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I'm fine. I'm done growing.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I'm fine with where I am and with who I have.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: And I got that, especially at this age. I totally
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: get where I don't care. It doesn't matter anymore. You know,
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: if you don't like me, so what?
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I don't care.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: You know, I've got plenty of people that do.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Well, and like you were saying to Julian, I think
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: a lot of us can relate to this. You go
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: so far, kind of like my Summer. She's not a
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: grudge holder.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: But if you continuously treat her a certain way, and
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: she's tried to... There's going to come a point where
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: she's like, okay, I tried. Now the wall's up, and
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I don't care what you do to try to get
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: back in there. She's going to be very nice to you,
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: very feeling she'll never talk about you behind your back.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: But that's it. She doesn't trust you. She doesn't want
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: anything to do with a friendship.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Is there a difference between holding a grudge and not forgiving?
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Ah, that's a good question.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: There's a difference. You think there's a difference? I do
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: think there's a difference. I can hold it. I can
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: forgive somebody, but hold a grudge where I just, I
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: don't forget. And I'm like, I don't trust them, but
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I forgive what they did before.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: You don't think that's the same thing?
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I think there's a way that you can say, you
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: know what? I'm not going to let what you did hold,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: have a hold on me. So I'm going to let
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: go of that. I'm not going to be mad about it,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: but I don't trust anymore. And so I may deny access.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I can absolutely see that. And, you know, just because
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I've forgiven you doesn't mean I like you. I forgive
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: people I don't like all the time.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: The beautiful thing about getting to our age, too, is
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: you forget what they did, so then you're over it.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: You're like, hey, girl, I cannot remember what they did,
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: so we're good. It's all good. I forgot everything.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: We have that to look forward to. Everybody's going to
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: be our friends all the time.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: That's right. That's outstanding.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: All right. Well, look, I can't hold a grudge against
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: y'all because you never do anything wrong.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: That's right. You're great. That's right, Stephen. Neither do you.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: That's what I tell people. If you'd like to ask
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: our American Mamas a question, go to our website, americangroundradio.com
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: slash mamas and click on the Ask the Mamas button.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Terry Nettoville, Kimberly Burleson, thank you so much.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.