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Diva Mia Take Your Power Back: Reclaiming Yourself After Heartbreak · The Diva Details

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  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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  Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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  This is Diva Mia. I just wanted to go over today about taking your power back.
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  Sometimes when we go through a divorce or we're in a long relationship for a
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  while or we're married to the same person for a while, we tend to lose ourselves.
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  If you've ever gone through a breakup, lost a spouse, you understand what I'm
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  talking about. It's the feeling of emptiness.
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  It's the feeling that you don't know who you are anymore. It's as if you've
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  given someone else so much of yourself and sacrificed and let your boundaries
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  down and gave, gave, gave that you don't know who you are and you don't recognize yourself.
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  Who am I now is the question you may be asking yourself. What have I done?
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  And first, I want to tell you something. You know, you're not the first one.
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  You've survived every single day of your worst days.
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  And so if you're breaking up with someone or you're just coming to the realization,
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  I don't know what I'm doing, you're still here. You got this. You can do this.
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  Don't forget that. So let's talk about what happens and why this happens.
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  I think we as women in a relationship, especially a long one,
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  if you were in one when you got a divorce or you're just you're coming to the
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  realization that something's going on, you naturally merge lives with the other person.
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  You start to share dreams, routines, friends even. and part of that is merging
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  your identity with them.
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  It's part of who you are. Over the years, your sense of self can be tied directly
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  to the other person and it's the role you play in that relationship that if
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  that relationship ends, you feel lost. It's not a weakness.
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  Human beings, a lot of times we feel like when we lose part of ourselves,
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  it's a weakness, but that part was part with them.
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  But here's the truth. You're not someone's partner only. You're not someone's mother only.
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  You're not someone's friends only. you are you.
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  And the person that's vibrant, that's beautiful, that's powerful, still exists.
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  She may be buried. She may be buried under years of giving to others and sacrificing
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  her health, sacrificing her mental health, her physical health,
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  her sexual health, everything.
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  But she's still in there. And she's waiting for you to call her back.
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  And she may have evolved.
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  You may not recognize her because it's a different person now.
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  You got to reclaim your power.
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  You got to start with a decision, not a feeling. So if you can start to reclaim
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  your power, it's a decision.
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  It's not a burst of motivation. You've got to do it on a daily basis,
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  and it's got to be a conscious choice.
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  It takes a lot of discipline to get yourself back. It's going to take daily work.
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  You've got to decide that you're going to take your life back and that you're
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  worthy of taking your life back.
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  You've got to realize that you are enough, and you're going to have insecurities
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  throughout the whole process.
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  You're going to think to yourself, maybe I shouldn't have done this.
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  Maybe I could go back to them or maybe I should go a different route, but go with your gut.
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  I think a lot of times we as women don't go with our guts enough.
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  Even if you don't believe it fully yet, you know, speak it out loud to yourself.
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  Do some mirror work. Tell yourself in the mirror, you've got this.
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  You can handle this. You are in control.
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  Your mind believes whatever you tell it on a regular basis, so just repeat it.
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  Every morning, look in the mirror and say, I am strong. I am whole.
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  I am becoming the best version of myself.
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  I am tough. I am fearless. I can do anything I put my mind to.
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  All of those things will help you grow.
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  But you got to reconnect with yourself. You really do.
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  So spend time alone. Don't rush back in if you're breaking up with someone.
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  Don't rely on the other person to give you validation. Spend time alone without
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  distractions. You can journal. I love journaling. I know you guys know that.
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  Ask yourself, what do I really truly love? What excites me? Figure that out.
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  You know, write it down. And every time you've always wanted to do something, go do some of that stuff.
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  You may not have made time for it in the past, but now is the time. Life is so short.
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  So rebuild your routines around stuff that makes you happy. Rebuild your routines
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  about self-affirmations, about journaling, about taking walks,
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  working out, meditation, reading.
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  Get your physical health back because your physical health is tied to your mental
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  health. So get your physical health exactly where you want it.
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  You do this through routines. That's how you create discipline.
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  It's just consistent every day, taking that one step every day,
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  consistently doing something to make yourself better.
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  But you got to push. You got to push it hard. Routines create stability,
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  and it gives you a sense of peace in your mind and a sense of safety.
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  And that's what you need when you're rebuilding your life. Don't forget to prioritize
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  your health as a number one priority, because a lot of times when we sacrifice
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  ourselves for others, our health is the first thing we sacrifice.
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  Your physical strength will help. It's going to help fuel any mental strength you have.
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  I can't say enough that you need to lift weights. As we get older,
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  weightlifting is so very important to your mental health.
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  You've got to exercise. You've got to eat food that's good for you.
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  You've got to help nourish your body.
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  You may need to rebuild your gut biome. Maybe make some yogurt for yourself.
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  Whenever you're tired, take a rest. I, for one, love taking a nap here and there.
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  If I'm exhausted during the day, I will definitely take a nap.
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  So don't forget to take care of yourself.
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  When you feel strong physically, you're naturally going to feel more capable
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  in every area of your life.
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  So don't forget to make sure you take care of your physical health.
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  And then rediscover your passions and hobbies. Everybody's got something that they love to do.
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  I mean, a lot of people have been taking up pickleball lately.
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  A lot of people have been taking up weightlifting or hiking or dancing.
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  Whatever it is that makes you happy, go do that.
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  That's going to help reinforce your mindset. That's going to help you figure
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  out more passions that you love.
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  Take a class. Go travel. Paint something. I mean, they have paint classes all over the place now.
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  I like taking dance classes as well. Dance classes or even karate.
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  You could even volunteer.
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  So a lot of times people after a divorce will find that they've thrown themselves
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  into things like volunteering, helping out men's groups or women's groups,
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  having people show up. You might have a book club.
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  All of these things are great. The one caveat I'm going to say is don't overdo
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  it because a lot of times we will overextend and that overextension is also
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  a way to self-sacrifice ourselves and to overserve other people. So realize that.
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  People think they're filling their cup up by doing other things,
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  but at the same time, they're exhausting themselves by serving other people.
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  It's no different than you were in marriage.
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  So doing something new reignites your confidence, but at the same time,
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  limit how much new you're doing for everyone else.
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  You've got to take care of you first. Help see yourself outside the identity
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  that you had in that relationship.
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  You don't have to do everything, but you do need to start taking care of yourself.
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  Set boundaries with other people. When other people want you to do volunteer
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  work or do this, this, and this, other people will take your time just like your partner did.
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  If you're volunteering too much, you're going to find that other people are
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  stealing your joy just like your partner did. So protect your energy.
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  Protect your boundaries. Learn to say no without any guilt.
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  No is part of learning who you are as well.
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  Boundaries remind you and other people that you have to respect yourself and
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  that other people have to respect you. So boundaries are a good thing.
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  Surround yourself with smart, empowered people that also have similar mindsets.
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  I recently had an interview with a person who said that one of the big things
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  that she does is she finds like-minded people and she surrounds herself with
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  them, and those like-minded people help her grow.
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  So whatever area, if you want to go to the gym, find out people that like to
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  work out. If you want to play pickleball, meet other pickleball players.
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  But those are the things that we do.
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  Be with those who lift you up, not those that drain you. You know,
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  you got to realize some people will drain the life out of you.
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  And then limit the time with people who keep you stuck in the past.
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  If you are only hanging out with people from your past that constantly are negative
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  or trying to have you relive your marriage or your divorce or your past boyfriend,
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  maybe it's time to cut ties with them.
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  And if they were friends from the last marriage and they're always telling you about how
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  somebody's doing so great, why aren't you? That's not a good friend.
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  You may have to cut ties with friends. You may have to cut ties with certain
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  people in your family for a while because now's the time to build you up.
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  Now's the time to fill your cup.
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  Whenever you go out alone, that's actually healing as well.
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  I know a lot of people like to do self-trips. Some people take a friend.
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  Sometimes you just go on your own.
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  So just make sure every time you do something by yourself, you celebrate it.
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  When you finish a workout, celebrate that. Now, don't go for ice cream, but celebrate the win.
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  It's a win. If you haven't worked out for years and you've now got a routine
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  where every day you go to the gym for at least an hour, good on you.
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  That's a win. But take care of you first, okay? Sign up for something new.
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  You can celebrate it. Sign up to do something you love.
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  Celebrate it. But wins will build momentum. They will give you self-confidence.
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  For anything you're insecure about, all those wins will help you feel better about yourself.
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  Some of the steps that you can use when you're trying to rebuild your self-esteem,
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  your self-worth, your self-identity is to create some affirmations.
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  I'm big on affirmations.
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  Write down these affirmations. I think you'd have anywhere from three to six
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  affirmations. You should say them every single day.
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  Consistency matters. Don't just say an affirmation once and expect it to change your world.
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  And then if you can, say it in the mirror three times a day.
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  Maybe have it in your bathroom. Maybe have it posted on your mirror.
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  Maybe not. Maybe have it in your pocket so you can take it with you.
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  If you could say it 9 or 10 or 12 times a day, great.
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  Minimum 3 to 6 times. And they have to be truths and believable for you.
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  For instance, I am beautiful. I'm loved. I am worthy. I'm smart.
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  I'm successful. I'm powerful. All those things are I am's. It's not I will be.
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  Those affirmations speak truth.
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  Those affirmations will tell you how you're going to move throughout life.
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  Get some great affirmations.
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  Write them down. Say them multiple times a day. And then dress for confidence.
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  I am so tired of seeing people after a breakup or a divorce,
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  and I was there, so I'm not judgy, but I will say that if you walk around in
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  sweatpants all day long in a t-shirt, you're not dressing for success.
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  You're not dressing for confidence.
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  You're wearing clothes that make you feel your mood. So try to dress up even
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  if you don't feel like it yet.
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  Wear clothes that make you feel powerful. I honestly always dress at least business
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  casual. I don't wear sweatpants out of the house.
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  So if you're going to leave the house, business casual all the time.
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  Then try to challenge any negative self-talk you have.
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  I can't tell you how many times I hear somebody say, well, at our age, you can't do that.
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  Or I'm not that smart. Or I'm not that successful. Or whatever it is.
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  That's negative self-talk. All those words have power over you.
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  Replace this with, I am amazing and I'm learning every single day,
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  or I will learn this, or I know this.
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  Don't say negative things to yourself. It's so destructive.
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  All those words have vibration and that feeling and emotion when you get it
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  stuck in your side of yourself, it's going to impact you. We have enough negative thoughts as it is.
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  Let's try to, anything we say about ourselves should always be positive.
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  And then help others through acts of kindness. You don't have to go out and
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  volunteer for all kinds of charity organizations, but hold the door open for
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  the person that's in a wheelchair.
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  If somebody needs help, help them out.
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  You can do small acts of kindness that's really going to boost your self-worth.
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  I know some people feel so low that after a divorce or a breakup that they go
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  and they throw themselves so much into helping other people.
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  They think it's going to build their self-worth, but it actually is destructive
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  because they run out of time to do anything but that. So remind yourself you have value.
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  Even if you're not serving on a mass scale, at least serve on a little scale.
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  And then track your progress. I think keeping a journal and saying,
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  hey, today I did this for myself.
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  Today I did that for myself. And just write those wins down and then make a smiley face.
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  And if you had a day where you stayed in bed all day because you were exhausted,
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  that's good for you too. Every once in a while you may need that.
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  So write down all the things that you've done. Track your progress so you can
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  look back and say, you know what?
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  Six months ago, I wasn't even able to get out of bed for more than a day, a week.
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  Now I'm out of bed and I might crash for a nap and that's it.
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  And I didn't work out at all six months ago. Now I'm working out two hours a day.
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  All those things are huge progress and you can track and see how you've gone.
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  That's the purpose of a journal, to see how you evolved, to see how amazing your life is now.
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  And I want you to remember this. You are not broken. You are a very successful
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  person because you have managed so far in your life.
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  You've shown up. You're still here. And you can do so much more.
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  In fact, in our 40s, 50s, and 60s, this is when we should be thriving.
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  This is when we should be growing into new things. This is the beginning. It's not the end.
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  Every storm that you've weathered up until now, it's made you better.
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  It's made you wiser. I like to tell people, I'm not getting older.
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  I'm just getting wiser and better looking.
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  And honestly, I feel that. And every ending is a beginning.
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  And if someone can't see my true worth because my soul is the best looking part
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  of me, then that's on them.
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  You work on you and what other people see is on them.
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  But take your power back, not just to prove it to someone else or to the world,
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  but to prove it to yourself.
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  Remind yourself that you are a powerful woman, that you've always been powerful,
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  that you've always been smart, you've always been sexy, you've always been beautiful.
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  No one had the right to take that power from you and you shouldn't have allowed them to.
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  So take it back. Own who you are. You're strong. You're whole. You're now complete.
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  And sometimes letting people go allows you to see where the whole is in you.
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  So you can fill that part back up and become complete on your own.
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  I hope you're ready to live full, boldly, and unapologetically,
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  like we say in the diva details, because you've survived 100% of your worst
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  days and the best days are yet to come.
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  You've got this. If you ever need, don't hesitate to reach out.
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  Okay? I hope that this helps somebody out there.
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  I hope that you will find your purpose.
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  I hope that you will take your power back. And that's all I've got to say for
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  today. This is Diva Mia signing off.
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  Have an absolute wonderful day. Take care.
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  Visit thedivadetails.com to connect. See you next week for more.
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