Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 102: "Heal so You Can Hear What's Being Said Without The Filter of Your Wound."

Transcript

102: "Heal so You Can Hear What's Being Said Without The Filter of Your Wound." · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back to Inner Work with MaryAnn Walker.
• 0:23
  That's me.
• 0:24
  I'm Maryann Walker, and I am the life coach for the helpers, healers and people pleasers.
• 0:28
  And I just want to thank you for being here.
• 0:30
  The date that this episode is dropping is a Monday and on Mondays, then that's kind of when I do my Monday minnies where I share just little ideas that can have a huge impact.
• 0:39
  And today I wanted to talk about something that popped up in my social media feed.
• 0:44
  This is a quote by an unknown author.
• 0:46
  But they said"heal so you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wound".
• 0:52
  And I thought that was so powerful.
• 0:54
  And I really want to kind of illustrate this with a personal experience.
• 0:56
  I'm going to read it again and then I'll share the experience.
• 0:59
  "heal so you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wound.
• 1:04
  Now, recently I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and I had made a comment about motherhood.
• 1:09
  I'm going to leave all the details out because they're irrelevant and I want you to be able to apply this to you in whatever way you need to.
• 1:15
  So I was having a conversation.
• 1:16
  I was sharing something about motherhood.
• 1:18
  And their reply to me, it felt very judgemental.
• 1:22
  And then I found myself feeling triggered and defensive.
• 1:25
  So I kind of responded that okay, well that felt a little bit harsh and a little bit judgy.
• 1:30
  And, and so we kind of were having a conversation about it.
• 1:33
  And as it went on, I discovered that this friend has been doing some healing around mother wounds.
• 1:40
  And so in that moment, that's what they were seeing the world through was through the lens of this mother wound.
• 1:46
  So now they're reacting through the lens of their mother wound.
• 1:48
  While meanwhile, I was reacting through the lens of my people, pleasing wound and feeling.
• 1:53
  unseen and feeling a little bit judged and like I have to show up perfectly all the time.
• 1:57
  And so basically we were both showing up through the lens of our personal wounds.
• 2:04
  So I want you to kind of self reflect for just a moment.
• 2:07
  On how are your wounds showing up?
• 2:09
  And how might they be impacting you?
• 2:11
  Sometimes we're consciously aware of our wounding, but most of the time we're kind of just going through life like a human and we're not really sure of our wounding.
• 2:20
  We haven't addressed it yet.
• 2:21
  We don't want to look at it.
• 2:22
  And so we're pretending our wounding isn't there, but I just want you to know you're still showing up through these wounds.
• 2:28
  If these wounds have not been healed.
• 2:29
  You are showing up through this wounded lens.
• 2:32
  Now one way that I see in my practice where I can really start to see people's wounding is in their reaction to text messages.
• 2:40
  Now it happens to me too.
• 2:41
  It happens to the best of us, right.
• 2:43
  But I cannot tell you how many times I've coached someone on a text message that they've received and what it is that they have made that text message mean.
• 2:50
  And more often than not, they are responding to that text message and reacting to it through their lens of their own emotional wounding.
• 2:58
  So, for example, maybe somebody, when you're asking how they're doing, then they say fine.
• 3:02
  And we can make,"fine" me whatever we want.
• 3:04
  Right?
• 3:05
  "fine" is kind of one of those words that now people are thinking it's a very passive, aggressive word.
• 3:09
  If somebody says they're fine.
• 3:10
  It definitely means they're not fine.
• 3:12
  So we write all of these stories about it in our minds, and it can make it really hard for us to actually meet the other person where they're at.
• 3:18
  It can make it hard for us to see them clearly or for them to see us clearly because they're communicating through their lens and we're communicating through our lens and the lenses aren't quite matching up.
• 3:28
  And the other thing about texting is, yes, we can see what words they're using.
• 3:32
  But we can't read their facial expressions.
• 3:34
  We can't read their tone or their inflection in their voice.
• 3:37
  And so a lot of things are left, open to interpretation, and I tell you what your personal wounding, it wants so badly to be the interpreter of these text messages.
• 3:47
  And so just knowing that that, okay,"I might be responding through the lens of my personal wounding.
• 3:52
  Maybe I should ask for clarification.
• 3:54
  Maybe I should actually give them a phone call." I'm always so proud when my clients decide to just call somebody for clarification, because so much can be accomplished by just hearing their tone and having an opportunity to ask follow up questions.
• 4:06
  You know, I know that for myself personally, as a recovering people, pleaser, I love emojis because then I can just add a silly face on the end and they'll know that.
• 4:14
  Okay.
• 4:14
  MaryAnn is just being silly and playful.
• 4:16
  Don't take this too seriously.
• 4:17
  I use a lot of exclamation points and I use a lot of emojis.
• 4:22
  And so maybe that's something that you tend to do too, to try to be a bit more clear in your communication.
• 4:27
  But just know that.
• 4:28
  Okay.
• 4:28
  Yep.
• 4:28
  I'm missing a lot of information when I'm only communicating via text and this might be a part of my life where I'm allowing my personal wounding to be the translator.
• 4:38
  And so everything's coming through that filter and then we find ourselves reacting through our own personal lens and our own personal wounding.
• 4:46
  And there might be a lot of places where this is showing up.
• 4:49
  So, for example, how is your relationship wounding impacting how you engage with your friends that are in relationship?
• 4:55
  How has your mother wound impacted how you engage with other mothers or potential mothers or women in general?
• 5:01
  How has your father wound impacted how you engage with the men in your life?
• 5:05
  How has your abandonment wound impacted you and how is it impacting your relationship with other people?
• 5:10
  How was your trust wound or lack of trust wound impacting you in your marriage?
• 5:16
  How has your psychological wounding impacting your communications in the workplace and at home?
• 5:21
  So we are going to be showing up through whatever it is that our wounding is.
• 5:24
  And until we can bring our wounding into our conscious awareness, we're going to continue to show up reactively through that lens.
• 5:31
  It's going to make it harder for us essentially to differentiate ourselves from others.
• 5:35
  We're going to take things significantly more personally.
• 5:38
  So, if you have discovered that you are a little bit more reactive than you would like to be when you're engaging with others, that can be assigned that there is some wounding there that we need to bring into conscious awareness so that you can actually heal.
• 5:49
  That wound.
• 5:50
  Because becoming conscious about it is the first step towards actually creating space for that healing.
• 5:56
  Now, oftentimes we can do a lot of this healing on our own.
• 6:00
  It's just bringing it into our conscious awareness is enough for us to recognize.
• 6:04
  "Oh, okay.
• 6:06
  Okay.
• 6:06
  I didn't mean to lash out at you.
• 6:07
  I was actually lashing out because my personal wounding and it actually has nothing to do with you." We can get to that place.
• 6:14
  And sometimes we need just a little bit of help to get there.
• 6:17
  So, if you are struggling to work through your wounding on your own, I encourage you to just get some help.
• 6:22
  So this might be working with a coach or a therapist if you're not sure which one is the best for you personally in your personal circumstances, come and talk with me, let me know what's going on for you.
• 6:31
  And I will let you know, it's my priority for you to get the help that you need.
• 6:35
  So whether that's working with a coach or working with a therapist, I, my top priority is for you to get the care that you need so that you can create that space for healing, which will improve all of your relationships.
• 6:46
  So, if you do think that coaching would be a good fit for you, and if you would like to work with me, I am currently offering six week packages.
• 6:52
  So you can email at maryann@maryannwalker.life.
• 6:56
  You can find me on social media, but get in touch with me and let's get you on the books because I would love to support you on your healing journey.
• 7:03
  So again, my current offering is a six week one-on-one coaching package.
• 7:07
  I find that the six weeks it's really kind of the sweet spot.
• 7:10
  So it's short enough that it doesn't feel like a huge time or financial commitment, but it's also long enough that my clients are experiencing truly incredible.
• 7:18
  Results.
• 7:19
  So if coaching feels like something that you are interested in, come and work with me, I would love to work with you also, I am more than happy to book a consult call with you.
• 7:28
  This is a free call, about 20 minutes long, where we can just kind of talk with each other, see if we're a good fit and I can let you know right in that moment, if you are a good candidate for coaching, or if you might want to look at other options as well.
• 7:38
  So you can book that for free, again, just message me and I can get that set up for you.
• 7:42
  I do have some spots becoming available and I would love to help and support you on your healing journey.
• 7:47
  I think that you'll be blown away by how much we can accomplish together in just six weeks.
• 7:52
  So, okay.
• 7:53
  Let's read it one more time because it's just so good.
• 7:56
  heal so that you can hear what's being said without the filter of your wound.
• 8:02
  All right.
• 8:02
  I hope you have a great week and I'll see you on Thursday.
• 8:04
  Bye now.