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6: When You're Bitter About Your Career · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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isn't just a podcast, it's also an online
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course.
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Check it out at findinggodatwork.org.
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Our current series is Divine Disappointments, Facing Pain
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and Sorrow at Work.
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And today I want to get into one
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of those points of real sorrow, which is
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when you feel bitter about where your career
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has ended up.
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This is really hard.
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Bitterness, resentment, even anger can come upon us
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when we look at our career and we
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think, this is not what I signed up
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for.
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This is not what I wanted.
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This is not what I dreamed about.
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It can be a really low place.
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It can even be a place of despair.
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There's a research journal, the International Journal of
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Environmental Research and Public Health, a 2022 article
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suggests that being unemployed can increase the likelihood
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of a death of despair pretty significantly.
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Death of despair is a term that encompasses
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suicides, but also deaths from drug overdose or
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alcohol-related liver disease.
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So this point of despair, this point of
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bitterness about how our career has gone, it
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can be a life or death issue.
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It can be really powerful.
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And so I think as disciples of Jesus,
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it's a place that's really tender.
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And like other tender places, it's a place
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where Jesus can minister his healing if we're
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willing to let him.
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And so that's really what I want to
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explore in this episode is how do we
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bring our bitterness or our despair into the
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presence of Jesus and meet him there.
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And what I want to suggest is that
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bitterness is a clue.
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It can be a starting point rather than
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an ending point.
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If we're bitter about something, it's a clue
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to deeper expectations and desires that we've had.
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And as we get more honest with ourselves
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and with God about those desires, that can
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lead to deeper intimacy with God, and it
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can even lead to transformation, to real spiritual
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growth coming out of that difficult, painful experience.
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And so to explore this idea that bitterness
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can be a clue, I want to start
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with a kind of psychological tool that I
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learned from pastor and coach Karen Miller.
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So Karen Miller, she's local kind of to
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where I live in the western suburbs of
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Chicago, and she taught this in a sermon
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that I heard some 20 years ago, and
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it's always stuck with me.
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That's just this acronym A-HEN.
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A-H-E-N.
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So the A stands for anger, and obviously,
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bitterness is closely linked with anger.
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So anger is just noticing the feeling of
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anger, starting there.
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That's anger.
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Then H is hurt.
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When we feel angry, it's because we've been
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hurt in some way.
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Often there's an interpersonal dynamic, someone who has
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hurt us.
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In the career situation, it may be circumstantial
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as well, but we still feel hurt.
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We feel that something has not gone the
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way that we expected it to go, and
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that's the E is expectation.
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So behind the hurt is an expectation that
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we had that went unmet, and that expectation,
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whether the expectation itself was reasonable or unreasonable,
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good or bad, it's usually rooted in a
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need.
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That's the N, a need that's legitimate, that's
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valid, that's part of how God created us.
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So we can trace back from our experience
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of anger, too, that kind of originating need
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that's part of how God created us.
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Anger comes from hurt, comes from unmet expectation,
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comes from a legitimate, valid need.
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Anger, hurt, expectation, need.
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I found this to be incredibly helpful.
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It's a way to do self-examination.
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So we've talked about self-examination in our
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earlier episodes.
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Paul commends this practice to us in Romans
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12.3, do not think of yourself more
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highly than you ought, but rather consider yourself
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with sober judgment.
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This is a tool that can help us
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do that sober judgment, help us move from
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a place where we're experiencing this very powerful
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emotion, but then kind of take a step
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back, do what psychologists call metacognition, think about
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our thinking, feel about our feelings, think about
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our feelings, and recognize like, oh, this feeling
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is coming from somewhere.
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What is the sober judgment?
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Oh, here's the hurt that I experienced.
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Here's the expectation that I had.
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Here's the need that that comes from.
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I've used this in my own career when
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I faced painful experiences.
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So in an earlier episode, I recounted a
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time where I was kind of passed over
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for a project, but I'd found out about
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it in a painful way.
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I intercepted a piece of mail because I
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was supposed to deliver it to someone and
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I saw my name crossed out with red
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ink on the piece of mail, like, Chris
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will not be on this project.
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My immediate response was anger.
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I was like, I wanted to be on
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that project.
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But again, I could then trace back, okay,
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I feel hurt because I feel overlooked by
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this person.
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My expectation is that this person would see
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that I have what it takes for this
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project.
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And my deeper need is kind of my
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fundamental need to be seen, to be known
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as a human being.
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And also the need for personal agency, right?
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The need to do things that matter in
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the world.
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Well, that was really helpful.
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I did kind of like initiate a conversation
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with one of the leaders about that project,
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kind of explaining how I felt.
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And that was helpful.
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It was also helpful just for me in
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my prayer life to recognize like, Oh, yeah,
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I have a wounded ego right now.
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And you know, who's the best person to
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go to with a wounded ego is Jesus.
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Because he sees me even when other people
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don't, he knows me, even when I feel
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overlooked by others.
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And he's the one by whose power I
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will do something meaningful in this world, even
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if it's not that particular project.
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Okay, so this is a tool for self
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-examination.
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It's a tool for prayer.
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It helps us kind of dig back from
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the emotional experience to the need.
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So if you're in a place where you're
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bitter about your career right now, really encourage
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you to take some time to work through
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this.
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You're feeling bitter, you're feeling angry.
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Okay, who has hurt you?
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Is there an interpersonal dynamic where you feel
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hurt?
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Or maybe it's more circumstantial.
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Is there a circumstance where you feel hurt?
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What were your expectations that have been unmet?
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What were your expectations going into this season
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of your career that turned out differently than
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expected?
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And then what legitimate needs are behind those
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expectations?
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Now the expectations themselves, right, this is also
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part of sober judgment, may or may not
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be totally reasonable, right?
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Sometimes we have reasonable expectations and those are
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disappointed.
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Sometimes we have unreasonable expectations and those are
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disappointed.
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So that can be an area of personal
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growth is recognizing like, oh, I had an
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expectation that wasn't very reasonable.
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Hmm, maybe this has to do with, you
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know, my overweening ambition more so than the
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other person.
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As I was doing research for this series,
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I was reading different posts online from people
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who are disappointed.
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And one person said, man, I've been in
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this job for 10 months already and I
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haven't gotten a promotion or a raise.
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And maybe in some fields, it's common to
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get a promotion or a raise in less
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than a year.
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But I just kind of laugh because I'm
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like, man, this person is probably brand new,
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like, usually, you don't get a promotion or
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a raise till your annual review, you know,
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so to me, I'm like, in that particular
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instance, it's like, hey, maybe some more patience,
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maybe that's a more reasonable expectation.
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But of course, there can be situations where
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it wasn't because our expectations were unreasonable, it's
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because we're just facing something really, really hard.
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Now related to this idea of expectation and
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need is also the idea of desire.
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So if God created with us with specific
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needs, our need to be known, our need
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for personal agency, he also sometimes gives us
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desires.
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So we might have a desire for some
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specific kind of work that we would do.
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That's not necessarily a bad thing.
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And this is the point where sometimes certain
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well-intended Christian teachers kind of take a
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left turn and misguide people around the question
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of desire.
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Sometimes people present desire or emotional experience around
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desires as just being bad or irrelevant.
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That's the idea that our desires are always
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going to lead us away from God or
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that we should just ignore our desires because
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the thing to do is to obey God
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regardless of how we feel kind of stoic
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determination.
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But if we ignore our desires, we actually
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can't bring our desires to God.
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We're going to have our desires, whether we
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pay attention to them or not.
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I really appreciate the work of the writer,
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Jen Pollock-Michelle, and her book Teach us
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to Want.
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The whole book is kind of an exploration
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of this theme.
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But she kind of gets at a little
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bit of this idea of we want to
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explore if our desires are good, but we
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don't want to do that by ignoring them.
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So let me just read a couple paragraphs
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from her book.
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Recently, a new field of psychology has spawned
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to address this task of examining desire.
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Wantology, of which Arlee Russell Hauschild makes mention
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in her New York Times article, The Outsourced
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Life, is a field of expertise aimed at
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helping people discern their desires and work toward
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getting what they want.
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A wantologist helps clients verbalize their latent, unrequited
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desires and moves them toward achieving happiness by
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identifying the ways they can satisfy those desires.
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The goal of Wantology is to help clients
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connect the dots of desire, what do they
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want, and how do they get it.
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I suppose if we are paying people to
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help us in this task, we're admitting both
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that it's difficult and that most of us
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lack the skills for doing it on our
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own.
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But Wantology can't offer all the answers we
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as Christians need.
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As followers of Jesus, we're asking different questions
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and in need of different answers.
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We're asking not just what do I want,
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but is what I want right.
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We're interested in congruence, is what I want
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what God wants for me, am I following
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God's will.
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But this kind of reflective, prayerful examination of
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our heart's desires, when we're honest about it,
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can challenge us to see the ways we've
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clamored to get what we've wanted and ultimately
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fail to trust.
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It's not a truth we find easy to
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see.
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It's often a truth we'd rather avoid.
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Our dismissal of desire may be built less
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on our holy hesitations about desire.
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In fact, ignoring our desires may serve as
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the convenient way we remain ignorant and resist
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change.
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Okay, that was a lot.
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I'm not going to reread the whole paragraph,
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but if you were like, whoa, what did
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she just say?
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Maybe, you know, skip back 30 seconds and
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listen to it again.
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But I love that that Jen Pollack-Michelle,
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she's getting at this tension where for us
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as disciples of Jesus, it's not just figuring
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out what we want and then running after
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it as the wantologists might help people do
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in their careers and in their lives.
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It's identifying what we want and then asking,
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is this good?
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Is this from God or not?
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And if we don't do that work of
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paying attention to our interior life, paying attention
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to our desires, if we just ignore them,
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then we're actually going to be motivated by
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our desires while we remain ignorant of them.
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We're not going to be able to present
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them to God.
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So we don't want to assume that the
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answer is no, desire is bad.
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But we also don't want to assume that
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no, desire is good.
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Instead, we want to get really honest with
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ourselves about what our desires are, because then
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we can be really honest with God about
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what our desires are too.
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This attentiveness to the interior life is just
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sort of assumed in a lot of the
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scriptural texts, especially the Psalms, but sometimes they
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come out and spell it out.
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So David does that in Psalm 139.
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This is the final two verses of the
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Psalm.
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Search me, God, and know my heart.
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Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
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See if there is any offensive way in
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me and lead me in the way everlasting.
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You see what David's doing?
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He's saying, I've got anxious thoughts, right?
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I've got stuff in my heart that needs
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to be tested.
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He's not assuming that it's good or that
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it's bad, but he's saying, God, come and
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know this.
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Know my heart.
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Test me.
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Know my anxious thoughts.
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See if there is any offensive way in
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me and lead me in the way everlasting.
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It's when we're aware enough of our own
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interior life that we can bring it to
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God in prayer, that he can do that
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work of sorting out, hey, this is good.
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This is bad.
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This is something to lean into.
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This is something to let go of.
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Just a personal example related to career ambitions.
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This was not when I was super bitter.
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This was a little more light than that,
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but I think it gets at this idea
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of discerning what's from God and what's not.
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So a few years ago, when I was
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still working at the mortgage company full-time,
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I was working on Mission Central as a
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ministry, but after hours, evenings and weekends, as
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I could make time in addition to a
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full-time load at the mortgage company.
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I was getting really frustrated about that because
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I could see that there was more potential
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for Mission Central if I could just give
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more time to it, but I didn't have
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any way to give more time to it
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while I still had the full-time workload
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at the mortgage company.
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So I went for this prayer walk and
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I was just telling God about my desires.
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I was basically telling God, I want to
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do more with Mission Central.
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Now, the irony is part of Mission Central
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as a ministry is telling people, hey, your
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everyday job matters even if it's not a
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ministry job.
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So I'm having this kind of metacognitive dialogue
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with God where I'm like, I know that
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I'm constantly telling other people that their work
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matters even if it's a secular job, but
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I feel like my secular job is keeping
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me from telling people about that as much
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as I want.
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So many layers, right?
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I was just having it out with God.
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I was telling him what my heart's desire
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was like, I want more, I want more.
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And I was kind of questioning like, should
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I be looking for a different job?
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Should I make a change?
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And I just felt like the Holy Spirit
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said to me like, Chris, what you want
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is good.
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Trust me, keep doing what you're doing.
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So I was like, okay.
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And then two weeks later, I was laid
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off from the mortgage company.
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So I'm glad I didn't waste any time
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searching for a different job earlier, you know,
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or trying to navigate some big plan.
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Suddenly, unbeknownst to me, God was forcing a
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change.
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And that led to my new rhythm of
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having more time for Mission Central while working
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part time at the food bank, which has
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been a really fruitful bivocational rhythm for me.
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I mean, it allows me to still practice
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what I preach by having a job job,
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but still having a little bit more time
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to do the Mission Central stuff.
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So that's just one example that I'm really
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glad that I had that prayer walk.
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I'm really glad that I got clarity about
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my desires with God, even before the circumstances
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changed.
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So maybe that's just all that you need
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from this episode today is go for a
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walk or whatever that is for you.
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Maybe it's journaling, maybe it's talking with a
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friend, but get clear with God, what are
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your desires for your career?
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What are the disappointed desires for your career
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if you're in that place of more bitter
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disappointment?
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This leads to greater intimacy with God, regardless
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of how our circumstances do or don't change.
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Being with God with the feelings we're really
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feeling helps us grow on our intimacy with
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God.
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And then in that intimacy, we can grow
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to a place of transformation as well.
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And that's the grace that God gives us
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is the grace to take the next step,
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whatever the next step is, as he does
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his work of transformation.
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And just this final idea that I want
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to share under that banner of transformation is
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the idea of Ignatian Indifference.
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So it's kind of a quirky phrase.
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It comes from St. Ignatius of Loyola, who
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was the founder of the Jesuit Order.
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He lived in the 1500s.
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He was from Spain, or what's now Spain.
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And he wrote a work guidebook called The
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Spiritual Exercises.
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And those who become Jesuits, who commit their
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lives to this order, they go through these
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exercises as part of that process.
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And so a Jesuit from a later century,
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late 1800s, early 1900s, Charles Coppins, he kind
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of wrote a version of The Spiritual Exercises,
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kind of an updated version for his context
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to his people.
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And he was reflecting on this word indifference
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that St. Ignatius had used in the original
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text.
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It's kind of a weird word, like, what
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does it mean to be indifferent?
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Does that mean cold or detached?
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It's not really what it means.
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Ignatius had specifically said that we need to
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be indifferent to all created things.
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In other words, indifferent to everything besides God,
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indifferent to the changes in our circumstances.
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So here's how Charles Coppins puts this in
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his own language.
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He says, if I were perfectly indifferent, then
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I would choose on all occasions only what
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God wills, as far as his will would
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be known to me.
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Can I acquire such an indifference?
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I cannot help feeling an inclination to like
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or dislike certain things, for it is an
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effect of the fall of man that our
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passions often rebel against the spirit.
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But I can control these promptings to a
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great extent, and with God's grace, acquire considerable
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power over their movements.
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To strengthen this habit of control over my
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various inclinations is the purpose of the imprisonment
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by making myself indifferent to all created things.
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Okay, just going back to a key phrase
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from there, but I can control these promptings
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to a great extent, and with God's grace,
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acquire considerable power over their movements.
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It is true that we don't have full
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control over what we want.
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In the moment, often when a desire takes
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hold of us, it's already there.
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But we actually do, by God's grace, have
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the ability to influence what we want over
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time.
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And so the idea of ignition indifference is
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that we let go of those things we
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want that are contrary to God's will, while
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asking God to strengthen our desires for those
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things that help us do his will, help
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us desire what he desires.
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So in the context of our careers, ignition
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indifference means, wow, I might really, really want
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a certain job, or I might really, really
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want to have a certain experience in my
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field.
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I might really, really want a certain achievement.
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But am I willing to be indifferent about
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whether I get that achievement or not?
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In the sense that I'm open to whatever
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God's will is that will help me love
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him and others best.
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Can I offer that desire to God?
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Can I put it on the altar and
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say, your will be done?
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I don't need that particular desire to be
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fulfilled.
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Help me to desire what you desire.
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It may not be a bad desire.
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It's not just about repenting of particularly sinful
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things.
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It's about surrendering everything we want to God.
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When we do that, real transformation takes place.
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God meets us where we are, and he
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makes us more capable of loving him and
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loving other people in all circumstances.
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So that's how we move from bitterness to
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transformation.
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We identify our bitterness and our anger.
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We work through anger, hurt, expectation, need.
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We get really honest with God about our
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expectations and our needs, about our desires so
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that he can speak into them.
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And then we allow him to do his
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transformative work to strengthen those desires that really
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are from him and to help us let
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go of everything else.
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Lord Jesus, thank you that you meet us
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even in the bitterest places of our journeys.
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I pray now for anybody who really does
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feel embittered about where their career has ended
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up, that you would meet them there.
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That you give them a great capacity for
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emotional honesty with you.
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And by your grace, help us all to
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take our next step in transformation.
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Jesus, do your work in us as we
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do our work with you.
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Amen.
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Thanks for listening.
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Finding God at Work is a production of
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Mission Central, a ministry based in Aurora, Illinois
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dedicated to forming Christians for mission in everyday
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life.
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You can subscribe to the podcast wherever you
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listen to this episode to get 10 minutes
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of teaching on faith and work every Tuesday
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and Thursday.
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To get resources to go deeper with each
20:43
podcast series, read our blog, and get info
20:45
about upcoming courses on faith in the workplace,
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go to our website, missioncentral.church.