Latest / The Bridges and Beacons Podcast / Winning the Battle Against Busyness with Francine Tirrell

Transcript

Winning the Battle Against Busyness with Francine Tirrell · The Bridges and Beacons Podcast

• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Mystic Nerd Squad podcast.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kelly Meyerson, joined today with by my friend Francine Terrell, who I mean, we honestly could have just kept going with our off-camera, off recording conversation, and it would have been perfect.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: But we're gonna let you in on what the heck we're talking about over here.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Francine Terrell, founder of Forever Changed Coaching, is a spiritual mindset coach and energy healer guiding women through transformative big ass up levels in life and career.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Using techniques like EFT, energetic expansion, and oracle card readings, she helps clients release self-judgment, manage life's what-ifs, and embrace self-love.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: I love all of that, Francine.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here with me.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited for this conversation.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I we were we were laughing that you know, sometimes you have these conversations and you plan podcast episodes and months and months go by.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what was the energy and the intention?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I I would love to just start, Francine, by having you tell us a little bit of your journey.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Start wherever you feel is a good spot.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Going from working more in the corporate sense to being a spiritual mindset coach.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I, you know, like everyone, got a J O B because that's what you do.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: My background was always in customer service.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: And probably, gosh, 20-ish years ago, oh, probably even longer than that, 20, 25 years ago, I started converting, I started going into a leadership role.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: So I used to run call set customer service teams, and then it was call centers.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: And about 15 years ago, I was at a place where I looked around and I was like, where did all my girlfriends go?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I have no more for I was in my mid-40s and like everyone kind of, you know, was off doing their their life.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_03: So I started searching for groups, women's groups, things like that.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I found this women's group.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: It was called Magic Parties.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: And they used to meet once a month and have these really cool conversations.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I went to one and I was like, oh my God, this is exactly what I wanted.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like I knew I needed something, but I didn't know what it was.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you know something's missing, but you don't really know what it is.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it was run by coaches.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: And at the time, 15 years ago, coaching was not the buzzword that it is today.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody even knew what a coach was.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't know what a coach was.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_03: Although in my day job, I was kind of coaching every day.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was coaching new leaders, I was coaching my team.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: And at the same time, I was seeing a therapist that did energy work.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: Now, let's take a step back.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: I was a very left-brain logical person.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm on this woman's table and it feels like she's rubbing my belly.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: And my brain is saying, Well, that's really uh awkward.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: Why is she touching me?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I opened my eyes and she wasn't touching me.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: She was probably six inches above my stomach.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, okay, I don't know if we can share, but swear.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: But I was like, that shit's really cool.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: I need to know more about that.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, she's not touching me, but it felt like she was rubbing me, right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I, so now I'm having all these experiences and don't know what to do with it because I didn't have, you know, I was just starting to get the community.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I looked at going to coaching school, and it was not inexpensive and it was not in my budget at the time.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I kept putting it off.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: And about two years later, um, a friend of mine at the time, her husband, uh, who was also a very good friend of mine, dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of 50.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: And my mom died at 48, and I was 47 at the time.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I said to myself, How long, how much longer are you gonna keep saying that you want to do this coaching thing?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: So I called up the school and I was like, okay, when does the next program start?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: And can I, and they had a student loan.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: I think I paid$120 a month for like 10 years or something ridiculous like that.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_03: So that's how I went to school.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: But I still had, and then I through this magic parties, I met my Reiki teacher who also taught at an energy healing school.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I did my Reiki with her.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: I went to coaching school, and then I went to this four-year energy healing school, which I eventually taught at.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: So all so that's over the course of the last like 12, 15 years.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: And still I had this story of I can't quit my day job.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: I need the money, I need the benefits, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, in December of 2019, my boss, I was with a startup in 2019, and my boss pulled me aside, and HR walked into the room.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: And if you've ever worked for a corporate job, that is not usually a good sign.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: So the startup was not starting up and they were closing their doors.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: Then, you know, January 2020, I'm looking for a job, right?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then this little thing called COVID happened.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I often say that I manifested a pandemic because the universe was like, girlfriend, we need you to pay attention.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: And the only way you're gonna do it is if we shut the world down.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: And in April of 2020, somebody reached out and was like, hey, are you coaching?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, sure.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Because other than painting my entire house right now, what else am I doing?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I went full time, you know.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_03: So I continued to look for a job because I was collecting unemployment and you had to look.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: And but what I realized, and you know, I work with my clients on this mind-body thing.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: Every time I had an interview, I had overwhelming anxiety.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Because my body was like, no, please don't make us do this again.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_03: And when I was coaching my clients, I was just in bliss and joy.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: So unemployment eventually ran out.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I looked at my husband and I was like, so I I can't go back to corporate at this point.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not one of those people who hated corporate.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like I I enjoyed, I miss having teams and you know, all that.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: But I listened to what my body was telling me, right?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: And had to learn how to trust and surrender to, you know, not to not live in my head and be like, well, what about this?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: And what if this happens and what if this happens, and blah, blah, all those things.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: That I mean, and that that you you put it in such a beautiful story, but we all know that it was so much deeper and wider than that in terms of what you had to go through to get to the point where that safety was felt in your body.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: Because a few years prior, I had been laid off from a job and they gave me a really hefty like package to stay to the end.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: They were closing the call center, and I was like, this is my time to do my coaching.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: This is it.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: And after a few months, I realized I hated being home alone.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: I missed people.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_03: And this time, you know, in 2020, it was a little easier because everyone was home, but it wasn't the time, like the timing wasn't there.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_03: I still had work to do on me in order to be able to do what I needed to do in the world.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that was that something that you felt aware of at the time.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, when I when I went back to work that time, I got a job that immediately I knew it wasn't the right job.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: But I my unemployment was had run out.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_03: I needed income.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: I hadn't even really tried to build the business at that point.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and but there were so many lessons.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: Um, one of the things that I teach about is are you running from something or running to something?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: And in that job, in the beginning, I was running from.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: I was, you know, I was running from what made me feel uncomfortable, what didn't feel right.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: Why don't they listen to me?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: Why don't I have value?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: Why aren't they seeing my value?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I just wanted out of that situation.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I had some work to do there.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_03: And when I did finally leave, I think I stayed there for almost two years.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: And when I finally did leave, I left clean.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like there was, I mean, they actually even talked about me after because I left so professionally and they wanted, you know, me to be an example for when other people left.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I had no attachment to it.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: In the beginning, I had so much attachment to what they thought about me.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: And that was a really big piece I think I needed to learn and work through.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm sure that the listener can relate to that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: That feeling of so much attachment and so much energy going into do they like this?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do they not like this?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: How do I change their minds?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: To come to the point where, you know, you realize you have zero control over other people's minds.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Try as we might.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: Try as we might zero control.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: So how did you get to the point where you were really focusing with women on big ass up levels?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Where did that come from?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: So, yeah.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: So interestingly, um, you know, for I don't know how many of your listeners will know this, but we all have niches, right?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what's your specialty?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I've been a coach for over 12 years and I've hated the niche.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm like, I just work with women and I help them do these things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I hired somebody a couple of years ago to help rewrite content for my website.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, she went through this whole process.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: Who do you help?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: What do you do?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, I don't know.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_03: I helped this woman do this and I helped this woman do that.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_03: And and they were all, to me, they were all different, right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: One woman wanted to leave her job and start a new job.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: Another woman wanted to leave her husband, another one wanted to um have a full-time job, but expand her part-time gig, right?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: So they were all very like there was no um defining, you know, like no nugget that I could I could see, right?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: I knew what I was doing with them was all the same, but why they were coming to me.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: So she looked at me, she goes, Oh, you help people make big ass up levels.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yes, I do.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I do.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, somebody recently asked me, what does that even mean?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, It could mean so many different things for so many different people.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: But at the end of the day, if it scares you a little bit, that's your if you're at your edge and there's a little bit of fear in taking the next step, that's your big ass up level.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: There's a um a handout on my website that people can go to to get um like a little like there's you know, are you ready for your big ass up level?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yes or no?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: And then there's some journal prompts that they can work through.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think I I don't know how you feel at the start of 2025, but it certainly feels to me like there's a lot of energy towards people transitioning to doing something different, to being something different, to embracing more of who they are and who they want to be on their journey.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as we're recording, it's lunar new year.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, yes.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is the first year that I really noticed, and maybe it was just me being more tuned into it, more people talking about.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not so into like the new year is January 1st and like getting into New Year, New Me stuff.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: More so like using January as an incubator and a time to kind of feel into the flavor of the year, and more looking towards lunar new year as the true start, where we're sort of energetically aligned with what's going on with the moon and the phases and the planets to really think about the year.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Have you noticed that as well?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's interesting.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know that I've noticed it consciously, but as you say that, it does feel like there's that awakening, right?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_03: Like I've heard a few people say, yeah, no, January is like my downtime.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: For me, I do think January is a fresh start because by December, I'm tired of like eating and drinking and like the holidays, and like there's a wipe the slot, you know, the slate clean in January.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not a like January uh New Year's resolution kind of person, but I do set intentions.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I started doing that a couple of years ago.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what's the energy that I want to bring this year?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I will say for me, that this month has been much more of an incubation.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I haven't been going out much.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um, my husband and I were doing dry January, and we're also like just kind of eating healthier.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: So it just felt safer to stay home.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so yeah, I think we have been kind of incubating, and I'm in the northeast, and it's very cold here.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: So it's nice.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_03: And then February, I have an anniversary and a birthday.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: And then to me, February is the start of oh, winter we can see.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a summer girl, so like by February's short, and by March, it's like, yes, we can start to see lighter days, and yeah.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I can feel that incubation period too.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: It felt to me more like enjoying the incubation and less like, what am I doing?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I going?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's accomplish things.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like I would have to rally so much more energy than I actually have.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for me too, I I love the sunshine.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And this time of year, when it's dark, I mean, and it is getting lighter.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was driving home from work today and I was like, oh, thank goodness.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like and you notice it too.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, and I'm like, those weeks when like you're I'm finishing work at four o'clock and it's already dark, and I'm like, Where is my sunshine?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Bring my sunshine back, please.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um but we're done.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: We finished the darker part of the year.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: We're moving into the light now.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think there's so much about that that really brings us energy.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and sometimes I find that recoiling and pulling back and hibernating makes me feel like I'm ready to leap into action when I'm ready to to move again.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: I think for me too, I was ready.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: I had my knee replaced in October.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_03: So I was incubating for a few months already.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I think for me, I was like, January, yes, I'm ready.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: So it was a combination.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_03: I think professionally I leaped in, but personally, I think I've pulled back a little bit and I've stayed in.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I haven't seen my sisters since I think New Year's Day or right.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, wow, I haven't even seen my sisters.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_03: And that we live one lives five minutes from me and the other one lives less than 15, right?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: So it has been this like in wood place.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: I and I think that's great.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I want to talk about a topic that you mentioned, um, and it's it's all about the addiction to busyness, particularly with women.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about sort of the opposite of that.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, really embracing those energetic flows and not always having to be committed to being with other people.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the way that I describe it is we have multiple addictions, right?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: You can be addicted to food, you can be addicted to alcohol, you can be addicted to drugs, and you can be addicted to busyness.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: My perspective, the difference is you're fat, you're a drunk, you're a drug addict.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: But when you're busy, you uh you get out of girls, you get recognition.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: Look at you go, wow, Kelly, you got so much done.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_03: You're amazing.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: I can't believe you can do all that.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: So it keeps us going.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: But what it also does, similar to the drugs, the alcohol, and the food.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: And by the way, I also used to weigh 300 pounds.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I had a food addiction as well as the busyness addiction.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um it numbs us.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_03: It prevents us from feeling what we're feeling.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, even today, yesterday, I was doing something that was complicated and frustrated.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I gotta go eat something.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I went, wait a minute, you're not hungry.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_03: Like so, but I didn't want to feel that I'm not good enough, I'm not enough, I don't know what I'm doing, right?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: All the things that were probably coming up.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I made myself sit and feel the feelings.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: And the busyness is the same.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oftentimes it's around worthiness.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I remember when I realized for me, like I've always been, I've always been somebody who worked multiple jobs.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like my clients, I am multi-passionate.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_03: I worked in a call center, you know, I ran the call center.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a hairdresser, I'm a coach, I'm an energy healer.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like that just felt normal to me.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_03: And a few years ago, I was supposed to go to a three-day workshop.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_03: And for some reason, at the last minute, I chose not to go.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: I think I just felt a little overwhelmed in my life and whatever.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: So I woke up on the first morning and I was reading a book.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: And about 30 minutes in, I said, Oh, I've got to go, I've got to go to work.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: But I felt anxious.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I stopped myself.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: Five, 10 years ago, I would not have stopped myself.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: I wouldn't have even have recognized that I was feeling anxious because I just would have, I would have just done the thing.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I went, okay, well, that's interesting because you have nothing to do.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's nothing on my calendar, I mean, there's always something to do, but there was nothing on my calendar.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: I wasn't even supposed to be home.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: So I use, I'm an EFT practitioner, and EFT is um like similar to acupuncture.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: You tap on certain points and it gets to the subconscious.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_03: So I did a few rounds of EFT, and what I got to was if I'm not doing, I'm not worthy.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's true for so many women.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_03: So I I mean, I know I have a story that people only want me for what I can do for them.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: Because I have people in my life, I don't hear from them unless they need something, right?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: So that's my that's my tape, right?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: So my worthiness.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_03: So I've got to do for you so you think I'm worthy.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: So if we have that story, if we have that belief, then we're gonna keep going.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: And it makes us stop feeling the feelings, right?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: If we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't feel sadness, we can't feel anger, we can't feel disappointment, we can't feel whatever, fill in the other frustration, fit fill in the other feelings, right?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_03: We just know we've got a lot done.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, I'm great at getting stuff done, right?
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_03: Like I can get 10 different things done, and it's not good for me, right?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: Now, what's interesting is when I do have a lot on my plate, when I have an abundant calendar, I actually feel more anxious now.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Because my body is like, we don't want to be this busy, we need space, right?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I notice, you know, one of my words this year is intentional.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: I want to be intentional with my time.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: I want to be intentional in the things that I do.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: So I've rescheduled things, right?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, if I have a 15-minute appointment in the middle of an hour, which breaks up an hour, I ask the person if I can reschedule it in a place where it's you know right on the tail of another something else.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: So I have that full space.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm being more intentional with my time and it creates more space.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: But it's not easy to do because it's a practice.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_03: It's a practice.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that you said that it's that it's like Renee Brown says, hustling for your worthiness.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I noticed that until I probably when I started reading Renee Brown's books a couple years ago, and I was like, well, shoot, that sounds familiar, you know, and I've definitely existed in my life that way where you know, I would say yes, say yes, say yes, say yes, volunteer for everything, and and got a reputation for like, well, if you want something done, you give it to Kelly.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like she's super busy, but she will absolutely get it done.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like what really happened is every time I said yes when I didn't really want to do something, or I didn't even take the time to think about it and see if it was something that made sense for me to do.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe somebody could do a better job.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I didn't need to do that, you know.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I sort of lost that sense of what actually lit me up and what made me happy.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I burned out and I did functional burnout.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I was still going to work, you know, being with people, but.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like just feeling like a husk of a human.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I really think I never really measured it, but I really think I burned out my adrenals and just lost any kind of like oop.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I see that.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: I recognize that in what you said and the piece of really wanting space between.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I actually took a couple years almost off of doing podcasts, talking to people, um, and really started fresh back in June, July because I just I was like, I need some space and I wanted like some huge distance.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I took that time and space.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: I went off of social media for a while.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I find I still like almost forget to go back on social media when I feel like it had been so reflexive for me.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's like I'm much more to use your word, intentional about it, um, and unlikely to get stuck in it because I took such a nice break from it.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And when I came back from taking that really big break, I knew so clearly what I was worth interrupting my space and freedom with what I was not.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, I think I actually just had an experience recently where um I was supposed to do a workshop at a place and they only had one person sign up.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: And um the owner said to me, you know, I really hate to refund it.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: Can you do it for one person?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, this workshop is not structured for one.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, you know what?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'll offer the person uh an Oracle card reading.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_03: We'll do it over Zoom and she can have the recording and blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_03: So the woman came back to me and she said, She really wants it in person.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought, okay, I'm gonna drive 20 minutes for a 30-minute reading to drive 20 minutes again.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: This is gonna, you know, all about all getting ready, coming home.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's two hours for not a lot of money.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like have half of what you would pay if you went and got one on my.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I really had a hard time saying no to her, right?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: I said to the owner, I said, I have to be honest with you, I'm like, this just doesn't feel right for me.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I really want to support you and support this person, but I just can't see myself doing that.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: And creating that boundary, she appreciated.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_03: She said, No, I completely understand.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: She wanted to give me the option.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: I could have said yes.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: But even then, I mean, this was only a couple of weeks ago.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: I still had to be part of it too.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: And this is where we don't allow ourselves to do this, and I think that's where the busyness is.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: We have to be willing to be uncomfortable.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: I had to sit in the discomfort of saying no to somebody.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: I don't say no often.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_03: And every time I do, it feels really uncomfortable.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_03: But I can say yes to everyone and never feel that discomfort, but that's at my own expense.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's part of it is we have to be willing to be uncomfortable.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: We have to be willing to sit in that discomfort of are they gonna like me?
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: Are they gonna be mad at me?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: Are they gonna whatever the story that we're telling are like I was telling myself a story.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: What if she doesn't want me to do any more workshops here?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: What if her, and she was like, no, no, no, I completely understand.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, oh, because I had a whole story telling myself that, right?
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_03: And that's how our brain works.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: This, our brain lies to us a hundred percent of the time.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why listening to your body is so important.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I love that.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Our brains lie to us a hundred percent of the time, and it and our brains like drama because they it your brain likes to have a problem to solve.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like a runaway train.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the argument that you practice in the shower before you go to work with your coworker that never actually even You mean I'm not the only one that does that?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're definitely not the only one that does that.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've talked to multiple people, lots of people who do that.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, I think it's somewhat of a way of us protecting our our ego and ourselves because if we if we rehearse it and it happens, we're gonna say the right or the better thing.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: But we're also like practicing and calling in the very thing we don't want.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and often um we're in the future or in the past and we're not present.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I would venture to say 90 plus percent of the time, what we're predicting to happen in the future doesn't actually happen.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: I came up with a mantra a couple of years ago when I found myself doing something like that.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_03: I was um my I was having a mammogram, but it was um a mammogram and then the ultrasound because they thought there was something there.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: And they, I was, they was sitting, they sat me outside of a my sister had breast cancer like six years ago.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I was sitting outside the room where she was diagnosed, and I was planning my radiation schedule.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_03: How am I gonna fit this into my schedule?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_03: And after a couple of minutes, I stopped dead in my tracks and I was like, what am I doing?
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_03: In this moment, I don't have breast cancer.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: Right here, right now, I am fine.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_03: Right here, right now, I'm okay.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I I started that mantra because I had to bring myself back to present.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_03: And I was, I didn't have breast cancer.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_03: But for five minutes, I went on this crazy rant of planning my schedule for the next few months.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_03: And that really shifted to this right here, right now, I'm okay.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_03: Right here, right now I'm fine.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I do that a lot with my clients because so often we are not present.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: We are in the future or in the past.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_03: And if we can bring ourselves into present, it stops a lot of that chatter.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I totally agree.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that has been my experience that a lot of my growth and the ways that I've been able to manage anxiety and just having my nervous system like just chill out is getting out of my head and into my body.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's hard to do in the beginning because you don't even realize when it's happening, it sort of takes itself on its own journey.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yep, 100%.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_03: I've caught myself creating problems and then fixing, I'm like, well, what are you doing?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love what you said before though.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: You said something to the effect of like, oh, that's interesting.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's interesting.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious about that.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: That that that's that's what my brain is doing right now.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: That makes me think of Eckert Tolle when he talks about being the watcher, watching your mind, your mind creates problems.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um I I found that so fascinating, that idea.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that was the first time that I realized like, oh, I'm not my mind.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right, that's not me.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's just you know, something that happens and does its own thing.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am here and whole and at peace, and everything is okay.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like you said, right now in this present moment, everything is okay and I'm safe.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: I remember back in 2020, like at the very start of COVID, um, at the time we were close friends, she had COVID.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_03: And it was in March, like when we didn't really know what was going on.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: And um, and I was out of work, and one day I had a ton of anxiety.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: And a friend of mine said, Well, what are you anxious about?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, Well, that my friend's gonna die and my husband's gonna lose his job.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_03: And she said, So what?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh, like in that moment, neither were true.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I had no control over whether or not my friend lived or died, or whether or not my husband lost his job.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_03: But I was spending all this time and energy feeling anxious about it.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_03: My friend never died.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_03: And later that year, my husband got a much better job that he he never lost his job and got a job that he loves now, right?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I that was such a powerful awakening of that, like that worry, right?
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_03: Worry is usually about something you actually have no control over.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_03: And if we can practice presence, it just there's so much more peace.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: And yes, it's much easier said than done, especially in the height of situations, but it's you know, breathing, just taking three deep breaths is bringing yourself back into presence.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you said that because I'm sure at this point, if there's somebody listening who's like, I cannot stop my mind, it's out of control.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've tried, nothing's working.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I love that you said three breaths because that's something that's always available to us.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to go fancy, it doesn't have to be box breathing or you know, any of the patterning, just recognizing that there's oxygen coming into your lungs and going out, and that we can do that at any point in time.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_03: And you bringing yourself into your body so often we aren't even in our body.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I have a client that I've been working with for a couple of months, and in one of our first sessions, she shared with me that she's like, I forget stuff.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm you know, and it's not like medical, like or anything.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_03: I talked to her, I'm like, because you're not in your body, you're living from your neck up.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_03: And we did some exercise, and she, you know, getting her into her body, and she was like, Whoa.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Yeah, like try to use the whole thing.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because when you're so up in your head, you can't make you know, maintain everything.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, and you stop listening to what your body is telling you, right?
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: The wisdom that exists in your heart and your gut and your you know, your sacral area, the all of those cues, let alone hunger, thirst, needing to use the bathroom, feeling tired and pushing past the point of exhaustion.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know for me, two of the things that have really made a huge difference very simple sleep and rest.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: And intentionally putting those into my day.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: What has been the most impactful practice for you, or maybe top three if if one is too hard to come to?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, I will say right now, it's um I have I have meditated off and on for years, and I am on a streak of I think 34 days nonstop.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um and probably 29, 30 days twice a day.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm meditating in the morning and in the evening.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_03: And for those that say I can't meditate, uh, my brain is still really busy when I meditate.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um some of the things I do is I if it's a I usually do guided meditations, I will maybe repeat the words they're saying.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_03: Because if I'm saying what they're saying, my brain can't go somewhere else, or I'll count.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_03: But having done that, my husband is also doing it.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_03: There's a meditation on uh Insight Timer by David G.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_03: And it actually, if you do it for eight weeks, it changes the physical structure of your brain.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_03: So we're both notice, I notice I'm dreaming more than I think I've ever dreamed in my entire life.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_03: And some of the times I fall asleep because I'm doing it in bed.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I wake up in the morning, I just put my earbuds in, and I do it before I go to bed.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes I fall asleep.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_03: You're still getting the benefits, even if you're asleep.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but my husband and I had a conversation.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_03: He said, I think I'm being nicer to myself because he's very judge, like he has a lot of self-judgment.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_03: He said, I think I'm being a little bit gentler to myself.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, Yeah, there's definitely, I feel more focused.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so meditation, especially for people who say, I can't meditate.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_03: I did a workshop the other day and I took them through a guided meditation.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_03: It was in person, and one woman said, I just can't meditate, and then shared this beautiful experience she had during the meditation.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, So do you think we already meditated?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_03: You did it.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes it's, you know, and I've had other people have those experiences and they have these, they're like, I don't know, they just gave me this, you know, I got this message, and I was like, that's it can be just one thing.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_03: Because for years, like I went to a healing school with super psychic-y, medium ship, medium people, and they used to like have these vivid meditations, and I'd be like, Well, I think I saw purple.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_03: But I judged that for so long.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_03: Letting go of that has allowed me to just ease into it.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I would say you have to find the right uh meditations.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_03: There are some like the healing school I went to, I struggled with those meditations because of the way he did it.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: I love him as a person, as a healer, as a teacher, but his meditations just didn't resonate with me, right?
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_03: It was just the tone, the, the, the method of whatever.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_03: But I just had a hard time, harder time.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_03: So you have to find the right thing for you.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_03: And then the other thing too, um, what you put into your body matters.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm hyper aware of that in J.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_03: So the like, okay, December's over, we're done with the holidays.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_03: I have gone, I have known for a while I had to go gluten and dairy free.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_03: But when you're in the mix of it and, you know, the whole bit, it's really hard to do that.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_03: I've had a hip replaced, I've had a knee replaced, I have joint pain.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: My body feels so much better without the dairy and the gluten.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I had a bar earlier today that has whey in it.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I was my nose was stuffy two hours later.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm so hypersensitive.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like paying, and when you are quieter, you can pay attention to the things that are happening in your body.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_03: I've just always been used to having a stuffy nose.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_03: I just assumed I had all these allergies.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_03: When I'm now realizing it's what I'm putting into my body, yeah.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_03: So I think what you put into your body, what you put into your mind, what you're putting into your soul, your spirit really sh makes a difference with how you show up every day.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: I 100% agree.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just started in August.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_00: My doctor put me on a low FODMAP diet.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've ever heard of it.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard of it.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not 100% sure.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can I can't very adequately explain the whole science.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's an acronym, F O D M I P.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: But basically, there's foods that you can have that are low in FODMAPs and foods that are high.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, interestingly enough, many of the foods that I have food allergies for are on the high list.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I was already avoiding them, but there were a few things I didn't know: garlic, onions, corn syrup, like there were a few things that I've now taken out of my diet.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: When you said like you were like, you didn't realize what it felt like to not have a stuffy nose.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't realize what it felt like to have a like a whole gastrointestinal system that was quiet and not like just felt calm.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was literally like, wait, people walk around feeling like this.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like they don't, like their stomach is just totally calm and relaxed.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I totally relate to that.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I even think so, I'm doing kind of a keto-like diet, I guess if you will.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_03: I hate the word diet, but lifestyle, um, less the dairy.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm even more focused.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like the first few weeks of January, my husband's doing the same thing.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_03: He was, and my husband has ADD, and he's like, I got so much done this week.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, I know this is crazy.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_03: But even him, he prior to us doing this, he was always hungry, always, always hungry.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_03: And he is a sugar addict, but he noticed that like now we're eating really high protein.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Yeah, because before all the other crap you were eating was negating the protein that was satiating you.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_03: Now you're satiated, right?
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_03: And there's just so much out there, and it's just easy.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_03: And let's just grab this and let's do that.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_03: I think I've cooked more at home in the last month than I have in the 24 years I've been back breaking.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I relate to that so much.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's such a commitment to make those.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: It really is a lifestyle shift because it changed the way you shop, the way you prepare, like the time that it takes to think about what you want to cook.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: Think of, you know, okay, these are the menu items, these are the food things I have to buy.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: Then you have to go get the food.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's mostly like fresh produce and meats and stuff.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to eat them before they go bad.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, they don't have like a real good shelf life, but that's but it's that eating that whole real food that makes such a huge difference in your energy.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it really, I mean, I've I'm I know at some point I'm gonna venture out.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I mean, we went out on Sunday and we did have a cocktail and we each had a salad, right?
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_03: And it was fine.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I'm more about the experience.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_03: I want to be out.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_03: I can eat salads.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_03: I it it's just I want to be out.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: But there are gonna be times where, you know, we have to be.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm throwing myself a birthday party in a in a in a week and a half because I'm turning the big 6-0.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I said to the cater, I'm like, so I'm dairy and gluten-free and I want to be able to eat at my own party.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, ma'am.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_03: She was like, Yeah, she's like, Well, we made meatballs with Cheerios.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_03: We can make meatballs gluten-free.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, You can?
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_03: And she was like, Yeah, I mean, I mean, I can make them because I have a I there's a breadcrumb that I use.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, that's great.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so I'm gonna have more gluten-free, gluten and dairy free.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody's gonna know, but I can eat.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, all right, I'm gonna throw a party and I'm not gonna be able to eat.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_03: That's gonna be silly, right?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_03: But I need to take care of myself.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like this goes back to our the beginning of our conversation, taking care of myself first so that I can then take care of others.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_00: I I think that's that's huge.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I also think of like a previous thought pattern that a lot of women experience where like you wouldn't do that.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first, like it wouldn't be cool to throw a birthday party for yourself.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: Two, like you would want to think about your guests coming to your party and feeding them before you think of yourself.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like did your parents ever tell you, like, if you like have a sandwich and you cut it in half, you want to give the other person the bigger half?
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no, I was told I had to eat it all.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you gotta eat your, you know, because those poor starving kids in Africa, right?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_03: Like, oh no, you gotta eat it all.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_03: But can I talk about the throwing myself a birthday party?
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_03: Please.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't gosh, it's gotta be over 10 years now.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_03: I was seeing a therapist and the same woman that did the whole like rubbing my belly thing.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_03: And it was around my birthday, and I was mad at my husband because he wasn't planning anything, he wasn't doing anything.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_03: And she said to me, Francine, you have a choice.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: You can be pissed off every year that your husband is not doing something, or you can let him know what you want to do.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, he should know, and all right, whiny victimy.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_03: He should just know.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_03: And she's like, You have a choice.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_03: You can continue feeling, you know, being mad, or you can ask for what you need.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_03: And it took a little bit for that to sink in, I think.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I have for the last few years had thrown birthday.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I like to I like to entertain.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_03: So it just feels like my birthday is in February, right?
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like everybody needs to get out by February, right?
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do something.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I threw one last year, and then this year, my husband and I were gonna do a joint party and do something in March.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I said to him, you know, by March, my birthday is over.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm over it.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_03: So I decided I'm gonna throw, I rented a hall and I'm having it catered and, you know, but yeah, I can let other people have expect because what it is is I'm having expectations that you should do and think the way that I do.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_03: That is just setting yourself up for failure over and over and over and over again.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, I've done that before.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, we all have, right?
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_03: I still do it at times, but I take a step back now and I go, okay, you know, do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like what, like, you know, which is it, right?
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_03: But he, you know, if I said to my husband, I want you to do A, B, and C, he would do it.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_03: But me having an expectation that he should know I want him to do A, B, and C is, you know, that's that's on me.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a game changer.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_00: I really love that.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think that will be super helpful for the Listener and taking that and realizing sometimes it's really just about asking for exactly what you want and not expecting people to read your mind and shifting their expectations.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because that we do, we set our expectations on everyone else, right?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, one of the things I love to talk to people about is um uh you know traffic, right?
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_03: We think everyone should drive the way, you know, the way we do.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_03: And we get so mad at people in traffic, but what if they're on their way to see their dying mother?
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_03: Or, you know, they just got fired and they're distraught.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_03: We we create these stories of what just happened, you know, like what a jerk.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_03: They cut me off.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_03: And when we really don't know the full story.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I first of all, I changed my mind about driving in the car when I realized like this is free time for you to listen to whatever you want podcasts, books on tape, just sit in silence, talking about it.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: I miss that.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_03: Working from home.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_03: I miss, I actually miss that.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's and I mean, and I I live in New Jersey, so the traffic is sometimes horrendous.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I just see that as like, well, I get a little extra me time in the car.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: I turn on my seat heat, you know, it doesn't matter the time of year, it always feels good on my back, you know, and I just really make it such a positive experience for myself.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_00: I will purposefully leave early so I can take like a more scenic route if possible.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if I have to go be on the highway and stuck in the traffic with people, I'm just like, I'm like, hey, listen, you gotta pass me.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's cool.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's cool, dude.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do what you gotta do, go where you gotta go, just be safe, keep your eyes on the road.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I just bless people as they're you know cutting me off.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I really hope your day gets better, dude.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I don't want you to continue to carry this with you.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_03: What I think happens with the the re the responses that we have when somebody cuts us off, and this kind of goes back to the feelings.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_03: Really, what happens is oh my God, I just had all this fear that I almost died.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_03: But instead of sitting with that emotion, we blame the person.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_03: So, like, really what's happening is that just scared me, and I was so frightened for my life, but it's so much easier to go, what a jerk.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: Done that too.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is uh this is me at some point now.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: Of course, of course.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not gonna say I still don't do it, but I catch myself and I'm like, okay, what's really right.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're in the Northeast, right?
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the driving is intense at times.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_03: I used to have a woman that worked for me and she always got stuck in traffic.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_03: It was the way that I mean, where she lived, she was always gonna have traffic, and she would call and she's like, I'm gonna be late.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, all right, have fun, see you when you get here.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_03: And it used to drive her crazy because she wanted to complain about the traffic.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, you're complaining about traffic.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_03: You live 40 minutes from the office, in like, like the road she is on heads to Boston.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_03: You are going to hit traffic unless you hover, you know, have a hoverboard.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like exactly, yeah.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's so true.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: This feels like a great time to ask you the question that I've been asking my guests this season on the podcast.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_00: So the question is what does it mean to you to embrace your authentic voice?
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_03: I think, you know, it kind of goes back to what we were talking about earlier, like actually saying no, right?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like saying what you actually really feel and think.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I think there's we didn't talk about vulnerability, but vulnerability is, you know, it can be your superpower and it can also be a four-letter word for me, right?
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_03: But being able to actually speak my truth, right?
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_03: And say, hey, Kelly, that thing that you did the other day didn't make me feel really good.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_03: And know that I'm not pointing the finger at you, I'm just sharing my experience in hopes that we can have an open dialogue.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_03: But if I don't say that, I'm just swallowing it.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_03: And then that's when the brain starts going, right?
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I can't believe Kelly did that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_03: But if I can honestly share what I'm feeling and be open and vulnerable, you can receive it or not, but I am not swallowing my emotions.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not swallowing that I'm mad at you or I'm hurt or I'm whatever.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_03: And really allowing myself to express what's really coming up for me, what's really important to me.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love that answer.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm also curious, what do you have going on for 2025?
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_00: And for the listener, how do they connect with you?
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: How do they work with you?
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what are the best ways to connect?
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_03: So um, my website, foreverchangecoaching.com.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um, they can go there and, you know, they can reach out to me um through whatever, you know, there's all kinds of buttons that will get to me on that on the website.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_03: Perfect.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um right now I mostly work one-on-one with clients.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_03: I do do some workshops, and if they sign up for my newsletter, they'll get that.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_03: But I am gonna be rolling out a program in the spring.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, it's called right now, the working title is Breaking the Cycle.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's a six-week reset for you and your business.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_03: And excuse me, I'm gonna be combining EFT and conscious codes along with coaching.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_03: And EFT is, like I said, it gets to the subconscious.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_03: And conscious codes, um, there's I think 13 different codes that help release energetic blocks in your energy system.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_03: So there's shame, there's judgment, there's money stuff, there's joy, right?
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_03: So what you do is you actually um allow yourself to feel the shame in order to release it.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um and when I first had that done, I don't know how woo-y your listeners are, but I okay, good.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: Cause I, and it's as the practitioner, I'm just guiding you to what you do.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_03: So you you're putting your hands on certain chakras and saying a mantra and allowing that the feeling to come up.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_03: And it lasts like two minutes, they're very short.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I actually saw myself being burned at the stake as a witch.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_03: I've I saw myself being dragged by my hair, getting brought to being burned.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_03: And my classmate, when she was like, Well, I was like, what just happened?
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I told her, and she's like, Well, did you know you were a witch?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, look, I knew I was witchy.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_03: Did I know I was actually burned at the stake?
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_03: No, nope, nope, that has never come up before.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_03: But when you think about your energetic body, it is going to carry through lifetimes, right?
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_03: So some of the stuff that we were working through in this lifetime isn't even from this lifetime.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_03: But if you think about shame, right?
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_03: If I was a witch in say, I'm I live 40 minutes from Salem.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not that far from Salem, right?
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_03: But if I was a witch, um, there was shame around what I was doing, right?
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_03: So that's in this energetic body.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna be combining all of that to really help people release the I'm gonna say it, the S I J.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_03: I know we can swear on this, but the shit okay, the shit that's holding them back.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_03: So um that is not on the website yet.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_03: They can um they can email me at francine f r-n-ci-in-e at foreverchangecoaching.com to get on the wait list for that.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_03: It'll be on the website probably in the next month or so.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you can send me that link and I'll I'll make sure to stick that in the show notes for anybody who's listening after the spring so they can connect with you for that.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds fantastic.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's something I've been percolating in my brain for a while.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, all right, we're doing it this spring.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I'm excited for it.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it has been so awesome to chat with you, Francine.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love your story.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_00: I love your energy.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think we covered some really helpful topics, um, particularly for women, talking about addiction to busyness and some of these strategies and techniques that really do make such a big difference in getting out of your head into your body, and really also you can live the most vibrant, healthy, happy life and be successful in everything you do.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I really thank you for sharing all of those tips.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_00: This has been fun.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's so much fun.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, listener, we're gonna let you go, but make sure you check out the show notes for all the ways you can connect with Francine.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll see you next time on the podcast.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.