Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 235 From Conflict to Connection: Building Stronger Relationships with Dr. Dan Sneider

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E 235 From Conflict to Connection: Building Stronger Relationships with Dr. Dan Sneider · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  hello,
• 0:47
  everybody,
• 0:48
  and
• 0:48
  welcome
• 0:48
  back
• 0:48
  to
• 0:49
  another
• 0:49
  episode
• 0:49
  of
• 0:49
  Adult
• 0:50
  Child
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  Dysfunction.
• 0:51
  Today
• 0:51
  we
• 0:51
  have
• 0:52
  with
• 0:52
  us
• 0:52
  Dan
• 0:53
  Snyder.
• 0:53
  And
• 0:53
  I
• 0:53
  am
• 0:54
  going
• 0:54
  to
• 0:54
  put
• 0:54
  my
• 0:54
  glasses
• 0:54
  on.
• 0:55
  Ugly
• 0:55
  glasses.
• 0:55
  But
• 0:56
  that's
• 0:56
  okay.
• 0:56
  He
• 0:57
  is
• 0:57
  an
• 0:57
  experienced
• 0:58
  couples
• 0:58
  and
• 0:58
  individual
• 0:59
  therapist.
• 0:59
  He
• 0:59
  has
• 1:00
  overcome
• 1:00
  childhood
• 1:01
  trauma,
• 1:01
  been
• 1:02
  married
• 1:02
  and
• 1:02
  divorced,
• 1:03
  and
• 1:03
  has
• 1:03
  two
• 1:03
  amazing
• 1:04
  young
• 1:04
  kids
• 1:05
  that
• 1:05
  he
• 1:05
  loves
• 1:05
  dearly.
• 1:06
  His
• 1:06
  signature
• 1:07
  program,
• 1:07
  the
• 1:08
  Intimacy
• 1:08
  Shift,
• 1:09
  a
• 1:09
  blueprint
• 1:09
  for
• 1:10
  moving
• 1:10
  from
• 1:10
  conflict
• 1:11
  to.
• 1:11
  To
• 1:11
  lasting
• 1:12
  connection,
• 1:12
  teaches
• 1:13
  people
• 1:13
  proven
• 1:14
  skills
• 1:14
  and
• 1:14
  practices
• 1:15
  to
• 1:15
  transform
• 1:16
  their
• 1:16
  relationships.
• 1:17
  Well,
• 1:17
  welcome,
• 1:18
  Dan.
• 1:18
  How
• 1:18
  are
• 1:18
  you?
• 1:20
  Yeah,
• 1:20
  good
• 1:20
  morning,
• 1:21
  Tammy.
• 1:21
  I'm
• 1:21
  doing
• 1:22
  well,
• 1:22
  like
• 1:22
  I
• 1:23
  was
• 1:23
  just
• 1:23
  saying,
• 1:23
  you
• 1:24
  know,
• 1:24
  I've
• 1:24
  got
• 1:24
  the
• 1:25
  kids
• 1:25
  this
• 1:26
  morning
• 1:26
  up
• 1:26
  and
• 1:27
  off
• 1:27
  to
• 1:27
  school,
• 1:27
  and
• 1:28
  now
• 1:28
  I'm
• 1:28
  here
• 1:29
  talking
• 1:29
  to
• 1:29
  you.
• 1:29
  It's
• 1:30
  a,
• 1:30
  it's
• 1:30
  a
• 1:30
  good
• 1:30
  day.
• 1:31
  Well,
• 1:31
  good.
• 1:31
  I
• 1:32
  don't,
• 1:32
  I'm
• 1:32
  going
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  be
• 1:33
  very
• 1:33
  honest,
• 1:33
  I
• 1:34
  don't
• 1:34
  miss
• 1:34
  those
• 1:34
  days.
• 1:37
  Mine
• 1:37
  are,
• 1:37
  I
• 1:38
  think
• 1:38
  my
• 1:38
  youngest
• 1:38
  is
• 1:39
  actually.
• 1:39
  I
• 1:39
  know,
• 1:40
  I
• 1:40
  don't
• 1:40
  think.
• 1:40
  I
• 1:40
  know.
• 1:41
  My
• 1:41
  youngest
• 1:41
  is
• 1:41
  21.
• 1:42
  So
• 1:43
  I,
• 1:43
  I
• 1:44
  had
• 1:44
  those
• 1:44
  days,
• 1:44
  but
• 1:45
  mine
• 1:45
  were,
• 1:47
  I
• 1:47
  was,
• 1:47
  I,
• 1:48
  I
• 1:48
  guess
• 1:48
  you
• 1:48
  could
• 1:48
  call
• 1:49
  them
• 1:49
  latchkey
• 1:49
  kids.
• 1:50
  I
• 1:50
  mean,
• 1:50
  my
• 1:50
  kids
• 1:50
  were
• 1:50
  getting
• 1:50
  themselves
• 1:51
  up
• 1:51
  and
• 1:51
  out
• 1:52
  the
• 1:52
  door
• 1:52
  for
• 1:53
  I
• 1:53
  don't
• 1:53
  even
• 1:53
  know
• 1:54
  how
• 1:54
  long.
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  couldn't.
• 1:54
  It
• 1:55
  was
• 1:55
  crazy.
• 1:56
  But,
• 1:56
  yes,
• 1:57
  no,
• 1:57
  that's,
• 1:57
  it's
• 1:58
  a
• 1:58
  busy
• 1:58
  morning
• 1:58
  for
• 1:59
  you.
• 2:00
  So
• 2:01
  you
• 2:01
  do
• 2:02
  what
• 2:02
  most
• 2:02
  people
• 2:03
  wish
• 2:03
  they
• 2:03
  could
• 2:03
  do,
• 2:04
  which
• 2:04
  is
• 2:04
  keep,
• 2:05
  keep
• 2:05
  couples
• 2:06
  and
• 2:06
  keep
• 2:07
  intimacy
• 2:07
  alive
• 2:08
  in
• 2:08
  a
• 2:08
  relationship.
• 2:09
  And
• 2:09
  I,
• 2:10
  I
• 2:10
  love
• 2:10
  that
• 2:11
  topic
• 2:11
  because
• 2:12
  I
• 2:12
  feel
• 2:12
  like
• 2:12
  most
• 2:13
  of
• 2:13
  the
• 2:13
  people
• 2:13
  that
• 2:13
  I
• 2:14
  deal
• 2:14
  with
• 2:15
  are
• 2:15
  kind
• 2:15
  of
• 2:15
  at
• 2:15
  that
• 2:16
  stage
• 2:16
  where
• 2:16
  I
• 2:17
  just,
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  just
• 2:17
  don't
• 2:18
  know
• 2:18
  anymore.
• 2:18
  I
• 2:19
  just
• 2:19
  don't
• 2:19
  feel
• 2:19
  it
• 2:19
  anymore.
• 2:20
  It's
• 2:20
  just
• 2:20
  not
• 2:20
  there
• 2:21
  anymore.
• 2:22
  And
• 2:22
  talk
• 2:23
  about
• 2:23
  how
• 2:23
  you
• 2:23
  got
• 2:24
  into
• 2:24
  wanting
• 2:24
  to
• 2:24
  fix
• 2:25
  that
• 2:25
  problem
• 2:25
  for
• 2:25
  people.
• 2:27
  Yeah,
• 2:28
  absolutely.
• 2:29
  Well,
• 2:29
  it's,
• 2:30
  it's
• 2:30
  all
• 2:30
  wrapped
• 2:31
  up
• 2:31
  in
• 2:31
  my
• 2:32
  story,
• 2:32
  of
• 2:32
  course,
• 2:33
  and,
• 2:33
  you
• 2:33
  know,
• 2:33
  pretty
• 2:34
  common
• 2:34
  story
• 2:35
  of
• 2:35
  that
• 2:35
  wounded
• 2:36
  healer's
• 2:36
  journ
• 2:37
  and
• 2:37
  wanting
• 2:38
  to
• 2:39
  learn
• 2:39
  things
• 2:39
  from
• 2:40
  my
• 2:40
  own
• 2:40
  life
• 2:40
  and
• 2:40
  then
• 2:41
  to
• 2:41
  help
• 2:41
  other
• 2:42
  people
• 2:42
  with
• 2:42
  the
• 2:42
  same
• 2:43
  thing.
• 2:43
  So
• 2:44
  I
• 2:44
  grew
• 2:44
  up
• 2:44
  in
• 2:45
  a
• 2:45
  household
• 2:45
  where
• 2:46
  there
• 2:46
  was
• 2:47
  zero
• 2:47
  to
• 2:47
  no
• 2:48
  affection
• 2:49
  really
• 2:50
  shown
• 2:50
  between
• 2:50
  my
• 2:50
  parents.
• 2:51
  There
• 2:51
  was
• 2:52
  a
• 2:52
  lot
• 2:52
  of
• 2:52
  emotional
• 2:53
  abuse,
• 2:53
  and
• 2:54
  it
• 2:54
  was
• 2:55
  not
• 2:55
  at
• 2:55
  all
• 2:55
  what
• 2:55
  I
• 2:56
  wanted
• 2:56
  in
• 2:56
  my
• 2:56
  life.
• 2:57
  So
• 2:57
  I
• 2:57
  didn't
• 2:58
  have
• 2:58
  the
• 2:58
  role
• 2:59
  model.
• 2:59
  I
• 2:59
  really
• 3:00
  looked
• 3:01
  TV
• 3:01
  and
• 3:01
  movies
• 3:02
  and
• 3:03
  maybe
• 3:03
  friends,
• 3:03
  parents,
• 3:04
  to
• 3:05
  see
• 3:05
  the
• 3:05
  kind
• 3:05
  of
• 3:05
  relationship
• 3:06
  that
• 3:06
  I
• 3:06
  wanted,
• 3:07
  you
• 3:08
  know,
• 3:08
  a
• 3:08
  safe,
• 3:08
  loving
• 3:09
  relationship.
• 3:10
  And
• 3:11
  so
• 3:11
  growing
• 3:11
  up,
• 3:12
  I
• 3:12
  knew
• 3:12
  that
• 3:12
  that's
• 3:12
  what
• 3:13
  I
• 3:13
  wanted,
• 3:13
  but
• 3:14
  not
• 3:14
  exactly
• 3:15
  how
• 3:15
  to
• 3:15
  get
• 3:15
  there,
• 3:16
  that's
• 3:16
  for
• 3:16
  sure.
• 3:17
  And
• 3:17
  I
• 3:18
  was
• 3:18
  in
• 3:18
  therapy
• 3:19
  from
• 3:19
  my
• 3:19
  early
• 3:20
  teenage
• 3:20
  years
• 3:21
  and
• 3:22
  really
• 3:22
  appreciated
• 3:23
  that
• 3:23
  space
• 3:24
  to
• 3:24
  be
• 3:24
  able
• 3:24
  to
• 3:25
  talk,
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  be
• 3:26
  able
• 3:26
  to
• 3:26
  learn,
• 3:27
  just
• 3:27
  to
• 3:28
  have
• 3:28
  a
• 3:28
  quiet,
• 3:28
  safe
• 3:29
  space
• 3:29
  where
• 3:29
  I
• 3:30
  could
• 3:30
  talk
• 3:30
  about
• 3:30
  all
• 3:31
  the
• 3:31
  crazy
• 3:31
  things
• 3:31
  that
• 3:32
  were
• 3:32
  happening
• 3:32
  at
• 3:32
  home.
• 3:33
  And
• 3:34
  so,
• 3:34
  yeah,
• 3:34
  moving
• 3:35
  into
• 3:35
  adulthood,
• 3:36
  you
• 3:36
  know,
• 3:36
  the
• 3:37
  kind
• 3:37
  of
• 3:37
  therapy
• 3:38
  that
• 3:38
  I
• 3:38
  was
• 3:38
  interested
• 3:39
  changed
• 3:40
  as
• 3:40
  I
• 3:40
  grew
• 3:40
  older.
• 3:42
  So
• 3:42
  I
• 3:42
  worked
• 3:42
  with
• 3:43
  teenagers
• 3:44
  and
• 3:44
  I
• 3:44
  worked
• 3:44
  with
• 3:45
  families
• 3:45
  for
• 3:46
  quite
• 3:46
  a
• 3:46
  long
• 3:46
  time
• 3:47
  and
• 3:47
  loved
• 3:48
  that
• 3:48
  work.
• 3:48
  I
• 3:48
  was
• 3:49
  a
• 3:49
  school
• 3:49
  social
• 3:50
  worker.
• 3:50
  I
• 3:50
  was
• 3:51
  a
• 3:51
  residential
• 3:51
  treatment
• 3:52
  center
• 3:52
  counselor
• 3:53
  and
• 3:54
  really
• 3:55
  got
• 3:55
  so
• 3:55
  much
• 3:55
  out
• 3:56
  of
• 3:56
  that.
• 3:56
  And
• 3:57
  as
• 3:57
  I
• 3:58
  got
• 3:58
  into
• 3:58
  adult
• 3:59
  relationships
• 4:00
  and
• 4:01
  my
• 4:02
  ex
• 4:02
  wife,
• 4:03
  now
• 4:03
  my
• 4:03
  ex
• 4:03
  wife
• 4:04
  and
• 4:04
  I
• 4:04
  had
• 4:04
  our
• 4:04
  first
• 4:04
  kid
• 4:05
  was
• 4:05
  when
• 4:05
  I
• 4:05
  started
• 4:05
  to
• 4:06
  want
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  work
• 4:06
  with
• 4:06
  couples,
• 4:07
  because
• 4:08
  sure
• 4:08
  enough,
• 4:08
  I
• 4:09
  was
• 4:09
  in
• 4:09
  a
• 4:10
  couple
• 4:10
  and
• 4:11
  trying
• 4:12
  to
• 4:12
  figure
• 4:12
  out
• 4:12
  how
• 4:12
  to
• 4:13
  do
• 4:13
  that
• 4:13
  whole
• 4:14
  thing.
• 4:14
  To
• 4:14
  live
• 4:14
  with
• 4:15
  someone,
• 4:15
  to
• 4:16
  start
• 4:16
  a
• 4:16
  family
• 4:16
  with
• 4:17
  someone,
• 4:17
  to
• 4:17
  share
• 4:18
  finances
• 4:19
  and
• 4:19
  to
• 4:20
  be
• 4:20
  intimate
• 4:20
  with
• 4:20
  that
• 4:21
  same
• 4:21
  person,
• 4:21
  you
• 4:22
  know,
• 4:22
  year
• 4:22
  after
• 4:22
  year,
• 4:23
  was
• 4:23
  not
• 4:24
  something
• 4:24
  that
• 4:24
  any
• 4:24
  of
• 4:24
  us
• 4:25
  learned
• 4:25
  how
• 4:25
  to
• 4:25
  do
• 4:25
  in
• 4:26
  school.
• 4:26
  And
• 4:26
  like
• 4:27
  I
• 4:27
  said,
• 4:27
  I
• 4:27
  didn't
• 4:27
  learn
• 4:28
  how
• 4:28
  to
• 4:28
  do
• 4:28
  it
• 4:28
  growing
• 4:29
  up.
• 4:29
  So
• 4:29
  that's
• 4:30
  really
• 4:30
  how
• 4:30
  I
• 4:30
  got
• 4:31
  into
• 4:31
  that
• 4:31
  work,
• 4:31
  was
• 4:32
  sort
• 4:32
  of
• 4:32
  following
• 4:33
  my
• 4:33
  path
• 4:33
  and
• 4:34
  my
• 4:34
  journey.
• 4:35
  And
• 4:35
  then
• 4:35
  over
• 4:36
  the
• 4:37
  10
• 4:37
  or
• 4:37
  more
• 4:38
  plus
• 4:38
  years
• 4:39
  since
• 4:39
  then,
• 4:39
  I've
• 4:40
  just
• 4:40
  been
• 4:40
  fascinated
• 4:41
  with
• 4:41
  couples.
• 4:42
  And
• 4:43
  I'm
• 4:43
  a
• 4:43
  person
• 4:44
  that
• 4:44
  really
• 4:45
  likes
• 4:45
  to
• 4:46
  be
• 4:46
  in
• 4:46
  it
• 4:46
  with
• 4:47
  people.
• 4:47
  And
• 4:48
  when
• 4:48
  you're
• 4:48
  working
• 4:49
  with
• 4:49
  a
• 4:49
  couple,
• 4:50
  I
• 4:50
  mean,
• 4:50
  you
• 4:50
  are
• 4:50
  in
• 4:51
  it.
• 4:51
  I
• 4:51
  have
• 4:51
  heard
• 4:52
  and
• 4:52
  seen
• 4:53
  all
• 4:53
  of
• 4:53
  the
• 4:54
  things,
• 4:55
  and
• 4:55
  that's
• 4:55
  just
• 4:56
  my
• 4:56
  passion,
• 4:56
  really
• 4:57
  getting
• 4:57
  in
• 4:57
  there
• 4:57
  with
• 4:58
  couples
• 4:58
  and
• 4:59
  helping
• 4:59
  them
• 4:59
  to
• 5:00
  move
• 5:00
  through
• 5:00
  these
• 5:01
  big
• 5:01
  life
• 5:01
  challenges
• 5:02
  that
• 5:02
  they
• 5:03
  find
• 5:03
  themselves
• 5:03
  in.
• 5:05
  Yeah,
• 5:05
  and
• 5:06
  there
• 5:06
  are.
• 5:06
  Because
• 5:06
  you
• 5:07
  think
• 5:07
  about
• 5:07
  all
• 5:07
  the
• 5:07
  major
• 5:08
  things.
• 5:08
  I
• 5:08
  mean,
• 5:08
  some
• 5:08
  couples
• 5:09
  get
• 5:09
  married
• 5:09
  so
• 5:10
  young
• 5:10
  and
• 5:10
  they're
• 5:10
  moving
• 5:10
  away
• 5:10
  from
• 5:11
  home
• 5:11
  at
• 5:11
  19,
• 5:12
  20
• 5:12
  years
• 5:12
  old,
• 5:13
  never
• 5:13
  been
• 5:13
  around,
• 5:13
  and
• 5:14
  then
• 5:14
  there's
• 5:15
  all
• 5:15
  these
• 5:15
  transitions,
• 5:16
  Children,
• 5:16
  money,
• 5:17
  I
• 5:17
  mean,
• 5:18
  all
• 5:18
  of
• 5:19
  these
• 5:19
  things.
• 5:19
  What.
• 5:19
  What
• 5:20
  would
• 5:20
  you
• 5:20
  say
• 5:20
  if
• 5:20
  of
• 5:21
  all
• 5:21
  your
• 5:21
  people
• 5:21
  that
• 5:22
  you
• 5:22
  deal
• 5:22
  with
• 5:22
  or
• 5:22
  just
• 5:22
  in
• 5:23
  what
• 5:23
  you've
• 5:23
  learned
• 5:24
  is
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  number
• 5:25
  one
• 5:25
  factor
• 5:25
  of
• 5:26
  what
• 5:26
  really
• 5:26
  causes
• 5:27
  that
• 5:28
  kind
• 5:28
  of
• 5:29
  in
• 5:30
  a
• 5:30
  marriage?
• 5:31
  That
• 5:32
  that's,
• 5:33
  you
• 5:33
  know,
• 5:33
  sometimes,
• 5:34
  you
• 5:34
  know,
• 5:34
  that
• 5:34
  sound.
• 5:35
  We
• 5:35
  all
• 5:35
  know
• 5:35
  what
• 5:36
  that
• 5:36
  means.
• 5:36
  That's.
• 5:37
  It's
• 5:37
  the
• 5:37
  best
• 5:37
  way
• 5:37
  to
• 5:38
  describe
• 5:38
  something.
• 5:39
  Absolutely.
• 5:40
  Well,
• 5:41
  just
• 5:41
  like
• 5:42
  you
• 5:42
  mentioned,
• 5:42
  you
• 5:42
  know,
• 5:43
  this
• 5:43
  signature
• 5:44
  program
• 5:44
  that
• 5:44
  I've
• 5:45
  developed,
• 5:45
  you
• 5:45
  know,
• 5:45
  I,
• 5:46
  and
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  call
• 5:47
  it
• 5:47
  the
• 5:47
  intimacy
• 5:48
  shift,
• 5:49
  because
• 5:49
  that's
• 5:50
  something
• 5:50
  we've
• 5:50
  all
• 5:51
  experienced
• 5:51
  in
• 5:52
  our
• 5:52
  relationships.
• 5:53
  When
• 5:53
  we
• 5:54
  first
• 5:54
  meet
• 5:54
  someone,
• 5:55
  we
• 5:55
  all
• 5:55
  know
• 5:55
  that
• 5:56
  head
• 5:56
  over
• 5:56
  heels
• 5:57
  feeling.
• 5:58
  There's
• 5:58
  passion,
• 5:59
  there's
• 5:59
  excitement.
• 6:00
  Everything
• 6:01
  they
• 6:01
  do
• 6:02
  that's
• 6:02
  new
• 6:02
  and
• 6:02
  different,
• 6:03
  we
• 6:03
  love
• 6:04
  because
• 6:04
  it's
• 6:05
  new
• 6:05
  and
• 6:05
  different.
• 6:06
  And,
• 6:07
  you
• 6:07
  know,
• 6:07
  you
• 6:08
  mentioned
• 6:08
  a
• 6:08
  few
• 6:08
  things
• 6:09
  that
• 6:09
  are,
• 6:09
  you
• 6:10
  know,
• 6:10
  common
• 6:10
  and
• 6:10
  that
• 6:10
  we've
• 6:11
  all
• 6:11
  experienced
• 6:12
  over
• 6:12
  time
• 6:12
  where
• 6:13
  yeah,
• 6:13
  maybe
• 6:14
  we
• 6:14
  have
• 6:14
  kids
• 6:15
  or
• 6:15
  we
• 6:15
  have
• 6:15
  to
• 6:16
  move
• 6:16
  or
• 6:16
  there's
• 6:17
  financial
• 6:17
  struggles
• 6:18
  or
• 6:18
  our.
• 6:18
  Our
• 6:18
  bodies
• 6:19
  change
• 6:19
  or
• 6:20
  someone
• 6:20
  gets
• 6:20
  sick.
• 6:21
  The
• 6:21
  common
• 6:22
  factor
• 6:22
  in
• 6:22
  all
• 6:23
  of
• 6:23
  that
• 6:23
  is
• 6:23
  over
• 6:24
  time,
• 6:24
  things
• 6:25
  have
• 6:25
  changed.
• 6:26
  So
• 6:26
  how
• 6:27
  do
• 6:27
  we
• 6:27
  learn
• 6:28
  to
• 6:28
  handle
• 6:29
  those
• 6:29
  changes
• 6:30
  over
• 6:30
  time?
• 6:31
  And
• 6:31
  when
• 6:31
  things
• 6:32
  shift,
• 6:33
  what
• 6:33
  do
• 6:34
  we
• 6:34
  do?
• 6:34
  Do
• 6:35
  we
• 6:35
  get
• 6:35
  upset?
• 6:36
  Frustrated?
• 6:37
  Do
• 6:37
  we
• 6:37
  walk
• 6:38
  away?
• 6:38
  Do
• 6:39
  we
• 6:39
  shut
• 6:39
  down
• 6:39
  our
• 6:40
  feelings?
• 6:41
  And
• 6:41
  so
• 6:41
  in
• 6:42
  this
• 6:42
  program
• 6:42
  that
• 6:42
  I've
• 6:43
  created,
• 6:43
  I
• 6:43
  really
• 6:44
  try
• 6:45
  to
• 6:45
  have
• 6:45
  a
• 6:45
  process
• 6:46
  for
• 6:47
  anything
• 6:47
  that
• 6:47
  could
• 6:47
  happen,
• 6:48
  not
• 6:48
  just
• 6:49
  one
• 6:49
  thing,
• 6:50
  because
• 6:50
  in
• 6:51
  a
• 6:51
  long
• 6:51
  relationship,
• 6:52
  a
• 6:52
  lot
• 6:53
  of
• 6:53
  things
• 6:53
  are
• 6:53
  going
• 6:54
  to
• 6:54
  happen.
• 6:55
  Right.
• 6:55
  And
• 6:55
  so
• 6:55
  the
• 6:56
  number
• 6:56
  one
• 6:56
  thing
• 6:56
  that
• 6:57
  I
• 6:57
  see
• 6:57
  is
• 6:58
  couples,
• 6:59
  their
• 6:59
  intimacy
• 7:00
  shifts
• 7:01
  because
• 7:02
  something
• 7:02
  has
• 7:02
  happened
• 7:03
  or
• 7:03
  some
• 7:03
  10
• 7:04
  things
• 7:04
  have
• 7:04
  happened,
• 7:05
  and
• 7:05
  they
• 7:05
  don't
• 7:06
  know
• 7:06
  how
• 7:06
  to
• 7:07
  call
• 7:07
  it
• 7:07
  out,
• 7:08
  talk
• 7:08
  about
• 7:08
  it,
• 7:09
  and
• 7:10
  rebuild
• 7:11
  some
• 7:11
  of
• 7:12
  that
• 7:12
  trust
• 7:12
  and
• 7:12
  intimacy
• 7:13
  that
• 7:15
  maybe
• 7:15
  they
• 7:15
  had
• 7:15
  at
• 7:15
  the
• 7:16
  beginning
• 7:16
  or
• 7:16
  maybe
• 7:17
  they
• 7:17
  never
• 7:17
  had
• 7:17
  at
• 7:18
  all.
• 7:18
  So
• 7:18
  many
• 7:19
  couples
• 7:19
  are
• 7:20
  relying
• 7:20
  on
• 7:20
  the
• 7:20
  excitement
• 7:21
  and
• 7:21
  the
• 7:21
  passion
• 7:22
  from
• 7:22
  that
• 7:23
  first
• 7:23
  year
• 7:23
  or
• 7:23
  two
• 7:23
  of
• 7:24
  the
• 7:24
  relationship
• 7:25
  to
• 7:25
  carry
• 7:25
  that
• 7:26
  through
• 7:26
  for
• 7:26
  20
• 7:27
  years,
• 7:27
  and
• 7:28
  that's
• 7:28
  just
• 7:29
  not
• 7:29
  going
• 7:29
  to
• 7:29
  work.
• 7:30
  We
• 7:30
  have
• 7:30
  to
• 7:30
  have
• 7:30
  a
• 7:31
  really
• 7:31
  strong
• 7:31
  foundation
• 7:32
  of
• 7:33
  trust
• 7:33
  and
• 7:35
  being
• 7:35
  able
• 7:35
  to
• 7:36
  talk
• 7:36
  through
• 7:36
  things
• 7:37
  calmly,
• 7:38
  safely,
• 7:38
  really
• 7:39
  hearing
• 7:39
  the
• 7:39
  other
• 7:40
  person.
• 7:41
  So
• 7:41
  these
• 7:41
  are
• 7:41
  all
• 7:41
  skills
• 7:42
  and
• 7:42
  practices.
• 7:43
  Again,
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  didn't
• 7:44
  learn
• 7:44
  them
• 7:44
  growing
• 7:44
  up,
• 7:45
  but
• 7:45
  there
• 7:46
  are
• 7:46
  skills
• 7:46
  and
• 7:46
  practices
• 7:47
  we
• 7:47
  can
• 7:48
  learn
• 7:48
  and
• 7:48
  practice.
• 7:49
  And
• 7:49
  those
• 7:49
  are
• 7:50
  the
• 7:50
  sorts
• 7:50
  of
• 7:50
  things
• 7:50
  that
• 7:51
  I
• 7:51
  teach
• 7:51
  couples
• 7:51
  so
• 7:52
  that
• 7:52
  they
• 7:52
  have
• 7:52
  a
• 7:52
  framework
• 7:53
  for
• 7:53
  whatever
• 7:54
  comes
• 7:54
  up.
• 7:55
  Right,
• 7:55
  right.
• 7:56
  So
• 7:56
  give
• 7:56
  me.
• 7:56
  Can
• 7:57
  you
• 7:57
  give
• 7:57
  me
• 7:57
  an
• 7:57
  example
• 7:57
  of
• 7:58
  some
• 7:58
  of
• 7:58
  those?
• 7:59
  Like
• 7:59
  what
• 7:59
  might
• 7:59
  be
• 8:00
  something
• 8:00
  that
• 8:00
  you
• 8:01
  could
• 8:01
  have
• 8:01
  a
• 8:01
  couple
• 8:02
  just
• 8:02
  let's
• 8:03
  say,
• 8:03
  for
• 8:03
  instance.
• 8:03
  Well,
• 8:04
  let's
• 8:04
  just
• 8:04
  say
• 8:04
  they
• 8:04
  come
• 8:05
  in
• 8:05
  and
• 8:05
  they're
• 8:05
  like,
• 8:05
  listen,
• 8:06
  the
• 8:06
  passion
• 8:06
  is
• 8:07
  just
• 8:07
  gone.
• 8:07
  I
• 8:07
  don't
• 8:08
  know
• 8:08
  what.
• 8:09
  And
• 8:10
  I'm
• 8:10
  going
• 8:10
  to
• 8:10
  go
• 8:11
  from
• 8:11
  the
• 8:11
  side
• 8:12
  of.
• 8:12
  Let's
• 8:13
  assume
• 8:14
  that
• 8:14
  the
• 8:14
  people
• 8:15
  listening
• 8:15
  on
• 8:15
  this
• 8:15
  podcast
• 8:16
  called
• 8:16
  Adult
• 8:16
  Child
• 8:17
  of
• 8:17
  Dysfunction
• 8:18
  didn't
• 8:19
  have
• 8:19
  the
• 8:19
  best
• 8:19
  role
• 8:19
  models.
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  know
• 8:20
  my
• 8:20
  parents,
• 8:21
  I
• 8:21
  never
• 8:21
  saw
• 8:21
  them
• 8:22
  hug.
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  don't
• 8:22
  even
• 8:22
  remember
• 8:23
  hugging
• 8:23
  my
• 8:23
  mother
• 8:24
  or
• 8:24
  my
• 8:24
  father,
• 8:24
  really.
• 8:25
  So.
• 8:25
  But
• 8:26
  I
• 8:26
  never
• 8:26
  saw
• 8:26
  any
• 8:27
  kind
• 8:27
  of
• 8:27
  intimacy.
• 8:28
  It
• 8:28
  was
• 8:28
  always
• 8:29
  fighting.
• 8:30
  So.
• 8:31
  Come
• 8:31
  from
• 8:31
  a
• 8:32
  point
• 8:32
  of.
• 8:32
  They
• 8:32
  really
• 8:33
  didn't
• 8:33
  get
• 8:33
  a
• 8:34
  good
• 8:34
  role
• 8:34
  model
• 8:35
  to
• 8:35
  begin
• 8:35
  with.
• 8:37
  Absolutely.
• 8:38
  Yeah.
• 8:38
  And
• 8:39
  similarly,
• 8:40
  that
• 8:40
  fighting
• 8:40
  was
• 8:41
  the
• 8:41
  kind
• 8:41
  of
• 8:41
  intimacy
• 8:42
  that
• 8:42
  I
• 8:42
  knew.
• 8:43
  And
• 8:43
  it
• 8:43
  is
• 8:43
  a
• 8:43
  sort
• 8:44
  of
• 8:44
  intimacy.
• 8:45
  It's
• 8:45
  a.
• 8:46
  It
• 8:46
  can
• 8:46
  be
• 8:46
  a
• 8:46
  placeholder
• 8:47
  for
• 8:47
  genuine
• 8:48
  intimacy.
• 8:49
  Like,
• 8:50
  well,
• 8:50
  when
• 8:50
  we
• 8:50
  fight,
• 8:50
  there's
• 8:51
  an
• 8:51
  excitement
• 8:52
  to
• 8:52
  that
• 8:52
  and
• 8:52
  big
• 8:53
  feelings
• 8:53
  come
• 8:53
  up
• 8:54
  and
• 8:54
  we
• 8:54
  get
• 8:54
  hooked
• 8:55
  a
• 8:55
  little
• 8:55
  bit
• 8:55
  on
• 8:55
  that
• 8:56
  roller
• 8:56
  coaster
• 8:56
  ride
• 8:57
  of
• 8:58
  feelings
• 8:59
  that
• 8:59
  come
• 8:59
  from
• 8:59
  arguing
• 9:00
  and
• 9:00
  conflict.
• 9:01
  Um,
• 9:02
  but
• 9:02
  what
• 9:02
  I
• 9:02
  want
• 9:03
  to
• 9:03
  share
• 9:03
  with
• 9:03
  your
• 9:04
  audience
• 9:04
  and
• 9:04
  What
• 9:04
  I
• 9:04
  share
• 9:05
  with
• 9:05
  couples
• 9:05
  is,
• 9:06
  you
• 9:06
  know,
• 9:06
  the
• 9:06
  kind
• 9:06
  of
• 9:07
  stable,
• 9:08
  safe,
• 9:08
  healthy
• 9:09
  intimacy
• 9:10
  that
• 9:10
  is
• 9:10
  going
• 9:11
  to
• 9:11
  feel
• 9:11
  really
• 9:11
  good
• 9:12
  in
• 9:12
  a
• 9:12
  relationship.
• 9:13
  And
• 9:13
  it's
• 9:13
  going
• 9:13
  to
• 9:13
  build
• 9:14
  this
• 9:14
  sort
• 9:14
  of
• 9:15
  emotional
• 9:15
  and
• 9:16
  physical
• 9:16
  intimacy
• 9:18
  where
• 9:18
  we
• 9:18
  feel
• 9:19
  good
• 9:19
  with
• 9:19
  our
• 9:19
  partner,
• 9:20
  we
• 9:20
  feel
• 9:20
  safe
• 9:20
  and
• 9:20
  loving.
• 9:21
  And
• 9:22
  so
• 9:22
  I
• 9:22
  start,
• 9:23
  you
• 9:23
  know,
• 9:23
  with
• 9:23
  the
• 9:24
  basics,
• 9:24
  just
• 9:25
  being
• 9:25
  able
• 9:25
  to
• 9:25
  have
• 9:26
  a
• 9:26
  conversation
• 9:27
  about
• 9:27
  our
• 9:28
  feelings.
• 9:29
  It
• 9:29
  sounds
• 9:29
  simple,
• 9:30
  but
• 9:30
  it
• 9:30
  is
• 9:31
  not
• 9:31
  easy
• 9:31
  to
• 9:32
  do.
• 9:33
  And
• 9:33
  I
• 9:33
  know
• 9:33
  that
• 9:34
  from
• 9:34
  personal
• 9:34
  experience,
• 9:35
  for
• 9:35
  sure.
• 9:36
  But
• 9:36
  step
• 9:37
  one
• 9:37
  that
• 9:38
  I
• 9:38
  share
• 9:38
  with
• 9:39
  all
• 9:39
  of
• 9:39
  my
• 9:39
  couples
• 9:40
  is
• 9:40
  let's
• 9:41
  plan
• 9:41
  a
• 9:42
  weekly
• 9:42
  time
• 9:43
  where
• 9:43
  the
• 9:43
  two
• 9:43
  of
• 9:43
  you
• 9:44
  are
• 9:44
  going
• 9:44
  to
• 9:44
  sit
• 9:44
  down
• 9:44
  and
• 9:45
  talk
• 9:45
  to
• 9:45
  each
• 9:46
  other.
• 9:47
  No
• 9:47
  ambushing.
• 9:48
  In
• 9:48
  so
• 9:48
  many
• 9:48
  couples
• 9:49
  I
• 9:49
  work
• 9:49
  with,
• 9:49
  one
• 9:50
  person's
• 9:50
  ready
• 9:50
  to
• 9:51
  talk,
• 9:51
  and
• 9:51
  if
• 9:52
  the
• 9:52
  other
• 9:52
  person
• 9:53
  isn't
• 9:53
  ready
• 9:54
  to
• 9:54
  talk,
• 9:54
  it's
• 9:55
  not
• 9:55
  going
• 9:55
  to
• 9:55
  go
• 9:56
  well.
• 9:56
  And
• 9:57
  so
• 9:57
  we
• 9:57
  don't
• 9:57
  want
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  ambush
• 9:58
  the
• 9:58
  other
• 9:58
  person.
• 9:59
  We
• 9:59
  want
• 9:59
  to
• 10:00
  know,
• 10:00
  hey,
• 10:01
  on
• 10:01
  Sunday
• 10:02
  afternoon,
• 10:03
  that's
• 10:04
  our
• 10:04
  relationship
• 10:05
  check
• 10:05
  in.
• 10:05
  That's
• 10:06
  when
• 10:06
  we
• 10:06
  sit
• 10:06
  down
• 10:06
  and
• 10:06
  talk.
• 10:07
  Both
• 10:08
  people
• 10:08
  can
• 10:08
  plan
• 10:09
  for
• 10:09
  that.
• 10:10
  They
• 10:10
  can
• 10:10
  know
• 10:11
  ahead
• 10:11
  of
• 10:11
  time,
• 10:12
  oh,
• 10:12
  this
• 10:12
  thing
• 10:12
  that's
• 10:13
  bothering
• 10:13
  me,
• 10:14
  I
• 10:14
  know
• 10:14
  that
• 10:14
  on
• 10:15
  Sunday
• 10:16
  I
• 10:16
  can
• 10:16
  talk
• 10:16
  about
• 10:17
  it
• 10:17
  then,
• 10:17
  and
• 10:17
  it's
• 10:18
  a
• 10:18
  safe
• 10:18
  place
• 10:18
  for
• 10:18
  me
• 10:19
  to
• 10:19
  bring
• 10:19
  it
• 10:19
  up.
• 10:19
  I'm
• 10:20
  not
• 10:20
  going
• 10:20
  to
• 10:20
  surprise
• 10:21
  my
• 10:21
  partner.
• 10:22
  So
• 10:22
  that's
• 10:22
  step
• 10:22
  one
• 10:23
  is
• 10:23
  just
• 10:23
  having
• 10:23
  that
• 10:24
  time
• 10:24
  set
• 10:25
  aside
• 10:25
  regularly
• 10:27
  where
• 10:27
  we're
• 10:27
  going
• 10:27
  to
• 10:27
  have
• 10:28
  a
• 10:28
  conversation.
• 10:29
  Now
• 10:29
  that
• 10:29
  doesn't,
• 10:30
  you
• 10:30
  know,
• 10:30
  solve
• 10:30
  the
• 10:30
  problem,
• 10:31
  just
• 10:31
  having
• 10:31
  a
• 10:31
  time
• 10:32
  to
• 10:32
  talk.
• 10:32
  But
• 10:32
  it's
• 10:32
  a
• 10:33
  step
• 10:33
  one
• 10:34
  and
• 10:34
  it
• 10:34
  gives
• 10:34
  us
• 10:34
  an
• 10:35
  opportunity
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  practice.
• 10:37
  Just
• 10:37
  like
• 10:37
  going
• 10:38
  to
• 10:38
  the
• 10:38
  gym
• 10:38
  to
• 10:38
  work
• 10:38
  on
• 10:39
  your
• 10:39
  physical
• 10:39
  body.
• 10:40
  Like,
• 10:41
  we
• 10:41
  all
• 10:41
  need
• 10:41
  that
• 10:41
  consistent
• 10:42
  practice,
• 10:43
  especially
• 10:44
  if
• 10:44
  we
• 10:44
  didn't
• 10:45
  learn
• 10:45
  it
• 10:45
  growing
• 10:45
  up.
• 10:46
  How
• 10:46
  do
• 10:46
  we
• 10:46
  have
• 10:47
  these
• 10:47
  conversations
• 10:47
  with
• 10:48
  our
• 10:48
  partner?
• 10:49
  So,
• 10:49
  number
• 10:49
  one,
• 10:49
  we've
• 10:50
  got
• 10:50
  to
• 10:50
  actually
• 10:51
  be
• 10:51
  prepared,
• 10:52
  know
• 10:53
  ahead
• 10:53
  of
• 10:53
  time.
• 10:54
  This
• 10:54
  is
• 10:54
  when
• 10:54
  we're
• 10:55
  going
• 10:55
  to
• 10:55
  talk
• 10:55
  through
• 10:55
  things.
• 10:56
  We
• 10:56
  could
• 10:56
  be
• 10:57
  talking
• 10:57
  about
• 10:57
  the
• 10:58
  schedule
• 10:58
  for
• 10:58
  the
• 10:59
  week,
• 10:59
  we
• 10:59
  could
• 10:59
  be
• 11:00
  talking
• 11:00
  about
• 11:00
  our
• 11:00
  finances.
• 11:01
  It
• 11:02
  really
• 11:02
  could
• 11:02
  be
• 11:02
  anything.
• 11:03
  But
• 11:03
  the
• 11:03
  idea
• 11:04
  is
• 11:04
  that
• 11:04
  time
• 11:04
  is
• 11:05
  sacred,
• 11:06
  set
• 11:06
  aside,
• 11:07
  and
• 11:07
  we
• 11:07
  want
• 11:08
  to
• 11:08
  work
• 11:08
  on
• 11:08
  things.
• 11:09
  So
• 11:10
  that's
• 11:10
  step
• 11:10
  one,
• 11:11
  and
• 11:11
  that's
• 11:11
  something
• 11:12
  that
• 11:12
  I
• 11:12
  teach
• 11:12
  all
• 11:12
  my
• 11:13
  couples.
• 11:13
  It's
• 11:13
  something
• 11:14
  I
• 11:14
  include
• 11:14
  in
• 11:15
  my
• 11:15
  intimacy
• 11:15
  shift
• 11:16
  program
• 11:16
  in
• 11:17
  that
• 11:17
  very
• 11:17
  first
• 11:18
  session,
• 11:18
  because
• 11:19
  it's
• 11:19
  a
• 11:20
  fundamental
• 11:20
  building
• 11:21
  block.
• 11:22
  Absolutely.
• 11:23
  How
• 11:24
  many
• 11:24
  of
• 11:24
  the
• 11:24
  couples
• 11:25
  do
• 11:25
  you
• 11:25
  think
• 11:25
  that
• 11:25
  you
• 11:25
  see,
• 11:26
  on
• 11:26
  average,
• 11:27
  a
• 11:28
  really
• 11:28
  strong.
• 11:28
  I
• 11:29
  mean,
• 11:29
  if.
• 11:29
  Is
• 11:29
  that
• 11:29
  the.
• 11:30
  I
• 11:30
  mean,
• 11:30
  how
• 11:30
  many.
• 11:32
  Some
• 11:32
  couples
• 11:32
  I've
• 11:32
  talked
• 11:33
  to
• 11:33
  might
• 11:33
  drop
• 11:33
  out
• 11:34
  just
• 11:34
  in
• 11:34
  that
• 11:34
  stage
• 11:34
  because
• 11:35
  they
• 11:35
  can't
• 11:35
  even
• 11:35
  get
• 11:36
  past
• 11:36
  that.
• 11:36
  Like,
• 11:37
  that
• 11:37
  has
• 11:37
  to
• 11:37
  be
• 11:37
  mediated
• 11:38
  for
• 11:38
  some
• 11:38
  people,
• 11:38
  I
• 11:39
  would
• 11:39
  only
• 11:39
  assume
• 11:40
  because
• 11:41
  if
• 11:41
  they've
• 11:41
  never,
• 11:42
  you
• 11:42
  know,
• 11:42
  if
• 11:42
  you
• 11:42
  go
• 11:43
  20
• 11:43
  years
• 11:43
  or
• 11:44
  10
• 11:44
  years
• 11:45
  and
• 11:45
  you've
• 11:45
  never
• 11:45
  really
• 11:46
  had
• 11:46
  those
• 11:46
  conversations,
• 11:47
  it's
• 11:47
  hard
• 11:47
  to
• 11:48
  make
• 11:48
  that
• 11:48
  a
• 11:48
  safe
• 11:48
  space.
• 11:49
  Do
• 11:49
  you
• 11:50
  have
• 11:50
  a
• 11:50
  lot
• 11:51
  of
• 11:51
  couples
• 11:51
  give
• 11:51
  up
• 11:51
  at
• 11:52
  that
• 11:52
  point?
• 11:53
  Yeah.
• 11:54
  Great
• 11:54
  question.
• 11:55
  Well,
• 11:55
  I
• 11:55
  can
• 11:55
  tell
• 11:55
  you
• 11:56
  that
• 11:56
  part
• 11:56
  of
• 11:56
  being
• 11:56
  a
• 11:57
  therapist
• 11:57
  is,
• 11:58
  you
• 11:58
  know,
• 11:58
  sometimes
• 11:59
  couples
• 11:59
  will
• 11:59
  come
• 11:59
  in
• 11:59
  and
• 12:00
  say,
• 12:00
  you
• 12:00
  know,
• 12:01
  Dr.
• 12:01
  Dan,
• 12:01
  we
• 12:02
  didn't
• 12:02
  do
• 12:02
  our
• 12:02
  homework.
• 12:03
  You
• 12:03
  know,
• 12:04
  we
• 12:04
  didn't
• 12:04
  practice
• 12:05
  the
• 12:05
  things
• 12:05
  that
• 12:05
  we
• 12:06
  were
• 12:06
  supposed
• 12:06
  to
• 12:06
  between
• 12:07
  last
• 12:07
  session
• 12:08
  and
• 12:08
  this
• 12:08
  one.
• 12:09
  And
• 12:09
  so
• 12:09
  that
• 12:10
  does
• 12:10
  absolutely
• 12:10
  happen.
• 12:12
  And
• 12:12
  I
• 12:13
  tried
• 12:13
  to
• 12:13
  be
• 12:14
  very
• 12:14
  encouraging,
• 12:15
  and
• 12:15
  I
• 12:15
  say,
• 12:15
  well,
• 12:16
  we're
• 12:16
  going
• 12:16
  to
• 12:16
  keep
• 12:16
  talking
• 12:17
  about
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  same
• 12:17
  things,
• 12:18
  because
• 12:18
  if
• 12:18
  we
• 12:18
  can't
• 12:18
  do
• 12:19
  step
• 12:19
  one,
• 12:19
  it's
• 12:20
  going
• 12:20
  to
• 12:20
  be
• 12:20
  really
• 12:20
  hard
• 12:21
  to
• 12:21
  move
• 12:21
  on
• 12:21
  to
• 12:21
  step
• 12:22
  two.
• 12:24
  But,
• 12:24
  yeah,
• 12:25
  we
• 12:25
  absolutely
• 12:26
  can
• 12:27
  build
• 12:27
  on
• 12:27
  that
• 12:28
  skill.
• 12:28
  So,
• 12:29
  again,
• 12:29
  not
• 12:29
  just
• 12:30
  like,
• 12:30
  okay,
• 12:31
  schedule
• 12:31
  meeting,
• 12:31
  and
• 12:32
  then
• 12:32
  everything's
• 12:32
  better.
• 12:33
  So
• 12:33
  we've
• 12:33
  got
• 12:34
  to
• 12:34
  build
• 12:34
  some
• 12:34
  of
• 12:34
  those
• 12:35
  skills.
• 12:35
  And
• 12:36
  so
• 12:36
  some
• 12:36
  of
• 12:36
  the
• 12:37
  next
• 12:37
  skills
• 12:37
  that
• 12:37
  I
• 12:38
  want
• 12:38
  to
• 12:38
  build
• 12:38
  with
• 12:38
  couples
• 12:39
  is
• 12:39
  that
• 12:39
  kind
• 12:40
  of
• 12:40
  safety.
• 12:41
  So
• 12:42
  step
• 12:43
  two,
• 12:43
  right?
• 12:44
  How
• 12:44
  do
• 12:44
  we
• 12:45
  enter
• 12:46
  a
• 12:46
  conversation
• 12:47
  in
• 12:47
  as
• 12:47
  calm
• 12:48
  and
• 12:48
  ready
• 12:49
  a
• 12:49
  place
• 12:49
  as
• 12:50
  possible?
• 12:51
  So
• 12:51
  I
• 12:51
  personally,
• 12:52
  I
• 12:52
  will
• 12:52
  get
• 12:53
  hangry
• 12:53
  if
• 12:53
  I
• 12:54
  don't
• 12:54
  have
• 12:54
  a
• 12:54
  snack
• 12:54
  on
• 12:55
  hand.
• 12:56
  So
• 12:56
  if
• 12:56
  you're
• 12:56
  going
• 12:56
  to
• 12:57
  sit
• 12:57
  down
• 12:57
  and
• 12:57
  talk
• 12:57
  for
• 12:58
  a
• 12:58
  while,
• 12:58
  have
• 12:58
  a
• 12:58
  snack
• 12:59
  on
• 12:59
  hand,
• 12:59
  get
• 13:00
  yourself
• 13:00
  comfortable.
• 13:01
  This
• 13:01
  isn't
• 13:02
  a
• 13:02
  business
• 13:03
  meeting.
• 13:03
  Nobody
• 13:04
  needs
• 13:04
  to
• 13:04
  to
• 13:05
  feel
• 13:05
  like
• 13:05
  they're
• 13:05
  in
• 13:05
  trouble.
• 13:06
  When
• 13:06
  we're
• 13:07
  in
• 13:07
  a
• 13:07
  relationship,
• 13:08
  we
• 13:08
  are
• 13:08
  on
• 13:08
  a
• 13:08
  team.
• 13:09
  And
• 13:10
  that
• 13:10
  is
• 13:10
  a
• 13:10
  point
• 13:10
  I
• 13:11
  hammer
• 13:11
  home
• 13:12
  as
• 13:12
  often
• 13:12
  as
• 13:13
  possible.
• 13:13
  It
• 13:13
  is
• 13:13
  not
• 13:14
  me
• 13:14
  versus
• 13:15
  you.
• 13:15
  It's
• 13:16
  not
• 13:16
  I'm
• 13:16
  right
• 13:17
  and
• 13:17
  you're
• 13:17
  wrong.
• 13:18
  You
• 13:18
  know,
• 13:18
  we've
• 13:19
  got
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  work
• 13:19
  on
• 13:19
  things
• 13:20
  together
• 13:20
  and
• 13:20
  be
• 13:21
  on
• 13:21
  the
• 13:21
  same
• 13:21
  side
• 13:22
  against
• 13:23
  the
• 13:23
  problem.
• 13:24
  So
• 13:25
  when
• 13:25
  we're
• 13:25
  coming
• 13:25
  into
• 13:25
  these
• 13:26
  conversations,
• 13:26
  let's
• 13:27
  have
• 13:27
  a
• 13:27
  snack.
• 13:28
  Let's
• 13:28
  be
• 13:28
  in
• 13:28
  comfortable
• 13:29
  clothes.
• 13:31
  We
• 13:31
  can
• 13:31
  put
• 13:31
  on
• 13:31
  some
• 13:32
  soft
• 13:32
  music
• 13:32
  if
• 13:33
  we
• 13:33
  want
• 13:33
  to.
• 13:34
  Let's
• 13:34
  actually
• 13:34
  turn
• 13:34
  it
• 13:35
  into
• 13:35
  an
• 13:35
  activity
• 13:36
  that
• 13:36
  we
• 13:36
  can
• 13:36
  look
• 13:36
  forward
• 13:37
  to.
• 13:37
  It's
• 13:37
  almost
• 13:38
  like
• 13:38
  a
• 13:38
  date.
• 13:38
  You
• 13:39
  know,
• 13:39
  you're
• 13:39
  spending
• 13:39
  time
• 13:40
  focused
• 13:40
  on
• 13:40
  each
• 13:41
  other,
• 13:42
  and
• 13:42
  then
• 13:42
  from
• 13:42
  there,
• 13:43
  all
• 13:43
  of
• 13:43
  the
• 13:43
  things
• 13:44
  that
• 13:44
  I've
• 13:44
  learned
• 13:45
  over
• 13:45
  the
• 13:45
  years,
• 13:46
  I'm
• 13:46
  trained
• 13:47
  in
• 13:47
  a
• 13:47
  style
• 13:48
  of
• 13:48
  therapy
• 13:49
  called
• 13:49
  emotionally
• 13:50
  focused
• 13:50
  therapy.
• 13:51
  And
• 13:52
  some
• 13:52
  of
• 13:52
  the
• 13:52
  skills
• 13:53
  from
• 13:53
  that
• 13:53
  form
• 13:53
  of
• 13:53
  therapy
• 13:54
  that
• 13:55
  I
• 13:55
  teach
• 13:55
  are
• 13:56
  skills
• 13:57
  like
• 13:57
  reflecting
• 13:58
  and
• 13:59
  validating
• 14:00
  and
• 14:00
  active
• 14:01
  listening.
• 14:02
  So
• 14:02
  these
• 14:02
  are
• 14:02
  things
• 14:02
  that
• 14:03
  I
• 14:03
  will
• 14:03
  have
• 14:03
  couples,
• 14:04
  you
• 14:04
  know,
• 14:04
  with
• 14:05
  scripts,
• 14:05
  you
• 14:06
  know,
• 14:06
  try
• 14:06
  saying
• 14:06
  it
• 14:07
  this
• 14:07
  way
• 14:07
  to
• 14:08
  really
• 14:08
  learn
• 14:08
  the
• 14:09
  skill.
• 14:11
  And
• 14:12
  I'd
• 14:12
  say
• 14:12
  the
• 14:12
  main
• 14:13
  thing
• 14:13
  that
• 14:13
  I
• 14:13
  talk
• 14:14
  about
• 14:14
  with
• 14:14
  couples
• 14:14
  in
• 14:14
  these
• 14:15
  conversations
• 14:15
  is
• 14:15
  how
• 14:16
  to
• 14:16
  use
• 14:16
  I
• 14:16
  Language
• 14:17
  instead
• 14:18
  of
• 14:18
  you
• 14:18
  language.
• 14:19
  Maybe
• 14:20
  that's
• 14:20
  something
• 14:20
  you've
• 14:20
  covered
• 14:21
  on
• 14:21
  your
• 14:21
  podcast
• 14:22
  before,
• 14:22
  but
• 14:23
  I
• 14:23
  find
• 14:24
  myself
• 14:24
  doing
• 14:24
  it
• 14:25
  sometimes
• 14:25
  and,
• 14:26
  you
• 14:26
  know,
• 14:26
  I
• 14:26
  have
• 14:26
  to
• 14:26
  stop
• 14:26
  and
• 14:27
  catch
• 14:27
  myself.
• 14:28
  But
• 14:28
  anytime
• 14:28
  I'm
• 14:29
  talking
• 14:29
  with
• 14:29
  my
• 14:29
  partner
• 14:30
  and
• 14:30
  I'm
• 14:30
  saying
• 14:31
  something
• 14:31
  like,
• 14:32
  you
• 14:33
  know,
• 14:33
  you
• 14:33
  do
• 14:34
  this,
• 14:35
  you
• 14:35
  never
• 14:36
  do
• 14:36
  that.
• 14:36
  You
• 14:37
  always
• 14:37
  do.
• 14:38
  That's
• 14:39
  critical
• 14:39
  language.
• 14:40
  Right.
• 14:40
  I'm
• 14:40
  criticizing
• 14:41
  them.
• 14:42
  They
• 14:42
  are
• 14:42
  absolutely
• 14:43
  going
• 14:43
  to
• 14:44
  be
• 14:44
  defensive.
• 14:45
  They
• 14:45
  are
• 14:45
  going
• 14:46
  to
• 14:46
  be
• 14:46
  on
• 14:46
  guard.
• 14:47
  And
• 14:47
  now
• 14:48
  it's
• 14:48
  me
• 14:48
  versus
• 14:49
  you,
• 14:49
  because
• 14:49
  I
• 14:50
  have
• 14:50
  said
• 14:50
  that
• 14:50
  you
• 14:50
  do
• 14:51
  something
• 14:51
  that's
• 14:52
  wrong.
• 14:53
  So
• 14:54
  I'd
• 14:54
  say
• 14:54
  that's
• 14:55
  if
• 14:55
  there
• 14:55
  was
• 14:55
  a
• 14:56
  key
• 14:56
  thing
• 14:57
  to
• 14:57
  take
• 14:57
  away
• 14:57
  from
• 14:58
  this
• 14:58
  conversation.
• 14:59
  For
• 14:59
  the
• 14:59
  people
• 14:59
  listening,
• 15:00
  it's
• 15:01
  really
• 15:01
  getting
• 15:02
  clear
• 15:02
  on
• 15:03
  how
• 15:03
  I
• 15:03
  feel
• 15:04
  and
• 15:05
  sharing
• 15:05
  with
• 15:05
  I
• 15:06
  Language
• 15:06
  to
• 15:07
  my
• 15:07
  partner.
• 15:08
  You
• 15:08
  know,
• 15:09
  I
• 15:10
  am
• 15:10
  feeling,
• 15:11
  you
• 15:11
  know,
• 15:12
  sad
• 15:12
  because,
• 15:13
  you
• 15:14
  know,
• 15:14
  I
• 15:14
  miss
• 15:14
  us
• 15:15
  spending
• 15:15
  time
• 15:16
  together
• 15:16
  in
• 15:16
  the
• 15:17
  evenings
• 15:17
  after
• 15:18
  work.
• 15:18
  I
• 15:19
  know
• 15:19
  that
• 15:19
  I
• 15:19
  feel
• 15:19
  really
• 15:20
  tired,
• 15:21
  but
• 15:21
  I
• 15:21
  miss
• 15:21
  that
• 15:22
  time.
• 15:22
  I
• 15:22
  would
• 15:22
  love
• 15:23
  it
• 15:23
  if
• 15:24
  once
• 15:24
  a
• 15:24
  week
• 15:25
  we
• 15:25
  could
• 15:25
  do
• 15:25
  something
• 15:26
  together.
• 15:27
  Well,
• 15:27
  now
• 15:27
  the
• 15:27
  whole
• 15:28
  conversation
• 15:28
  has
• 15:29
  shifted
• 15:29
  because
• 15:30
  I'm
• 15:30
  sharing
• 15:30
  my
• 15:31
  feelings.
• 15:31
  I'm
• 15:32
  sharing
• 15:32
  what
• 15:32
  would
• 15:32
  feel
• 15:33
  good
• 15:33
  for
• 15:33
  me.
• 15:34
  And
• 15:35
  it's
• 15:35
  not
• 15:35
  an
• 15:35
  attack.
• 15:36
  It's
• 15:36
  not
• 15:36
  a
• 15:36
  criticism.
• 15:37
  And
• 15:37
  now
• 15:38
  we
• 15:38
  can
• 15:38
  have
• 15:38
  an
• 15:38
  actual
• 15:39
  conversation
• 15:39
  about,
• 15:40
  well,
• 15:40
  how
• 15:41
  do
• 15:41
  we
• 15:41
  solve
• 15:41
  that
• 15:41
  problem
• 15:42
  together?
• 15:43
  Maybe
• 15:43
  that's
• 15:43
  something
• 15:44
  my
• 15:44
  partner
• 15:44
  really
• 15:44
  wants
• 15:45
  to.
• 15:46
  Right.
• 15:46
  Versus
• 15:47
  you
• 15:47
  never
• 15:47
  come
• 15:48
  home
• 15:48
  in
• 15:48
  time
• 15:48
  to
• 15:49
  give
• 15:49
  me
• 15:49
  any
• 15:49
  attention
• 15:50
  and
• 15:50
  blah,
• 15:50
  blah,
• 15:50
  blah.
• 15:51
  I
• 15:51
  can.
• 15:51
  I
• 15:51
  can
• 15:52
  see
• 15:52
  the.
• 15:53
  The
• 15:53
  shift
• 15:53
  immediately.
• 15:55
  It
• 15:55
  literally.
• 15:56
  Yeah,
• 15:56
  no,
• 15:56
  what
• 15:56
  a
• 15:56
  big
• 15:57
  difference.
• 15:58
  And
• 15:58
  things
• 15:59
  I'm
• 15:59
  sure
• 15:59
  you
• 15:59
  heard
• 15:59
  in
• 16:00
  your
• 16:00
  house
• 16:00
  growing
• 16:00
  up.
• 16:01
  Things
• 16:01
  I
• 16:01
  know
• 16:01
  I
• 16:01
  heard
• 16:02
  in
• 16:02
  my
• 16:02
  house,
• 16:02
  it
• 16:02
  was
• 16:03
  you
• 16:03
  language
• 16:04
  all
• 16:04
  night
• 16:04
  and
• 16:04
  day.
• 16:05
  So
• 16:05
  this
• 16:06
  is
• 16:06
  something
• 16:06
  I've
• 16:06
  really
• 16:06
  had
• 16:07
  to
• 16:07
  practice.
• 16:08
  I
• 16:08
  was.
• 16:09
  I
• 16:09
  don't
• 16:09
  ever
• 16:09
  remember.
• 16:10
  You
• 16:10
  know,
• 16:11
  I'm
• 16:11
  thinking
• 16:11
  that,
• 16:11
  you
• 16:12
  know,
• 16:12
  we.
• 16:12
  We
• 16:12
  need
• 16:13
  to
• 16:13
  do
• 16:13
  this.
• 16:13
  It's
• 16:14
  never
• 16:14
  a
• 16:14
  we.
• 16:14
  I
• 16:14
  don't
• 16:14
  think
• 16:15
  I've
• 16:15
  ever
• 16:15
  heard
• 16:15
  we.
• 16:16
  Except
• 16:16
  we
• 16:17
  need.
• 16:17
  We
• 16:18
  need
• 16:18
  to
• 16:18
  separate.
• 16:21
  We
• 16:21
  need
• 16:22
  to
• 16:22
  get
• 16:22
  away
• 16:22
  from
• 16:22
  each
• 16:22
  other.
• 16:23
  We
• 16:23
  need
• 16:23
  to.
• 16:24
  We
• 16:24
  need
• 16:24
  to
• 16:24
  figure
• 16:24
  out
• 16:25
  who's
• 16:25
  going
• 16:25
  to
• 16:25
  take
• 16:25
  the
• 16:25
  kids.
• 16:26
  Like.
• 16:28
  So,
• 16:28
  I
• 16:29
  mean,
• 16:29
  and
• 16:29
  I'm
• 16:29
  sure
• 16:29
  that's,
• 16:30
  you
• 16:30
  know,
• 16:30
  at
• 16:31
  the.
• 16:31
  That
• 16:31
  that's
• 16:32
  the
• 16:32
  extreme
• 16:32
  end
• 16:33
  of
• 16:33
  it,
• 16:33
  but
• 16:33
  no,
• 16:33
  what
• 16:34
  a.
• 16:34
  What
• 16:34
  a
• 16:34
  shift.
• 16:35
  And
• 16:35
  it's
• 16:35
  like
• 16:35
  everything
• 16:36
  else
• 16:36
  in
• 16:37
  the
• 16:38
  world
• 16:38
  of
• 16:38
  just
• 16:38
  looking
• 16:38
  at
• 16:39
  it
• 16:39
  with
• 16:39
  a
• 16:39
  little
• 16:39
  more
• 16:40
  compassion.
• 16:40
  It's
• 16:40
  like
• 16:41
  I
• 16:41
  tell
• 16:41
  people,
• 16:41
  you
• 16:41
  want
• 16:41
  to
• 16:42
  shift
• 16:42
  your
• 16:42
  whole
• 16:42
  workplace.
• 16:44
  Stop
• 16:44
  asking
• 16:45
  people.
• 16:45
  You
• 16:45
  know,
• 16:45
  when
• 16:46
  people
• 16:46
  come
• 16:46
  in
• 16:46
  and
• 16:46
  they're
• 16:47
  struggling
• 16:47
  and
• 16:47
  they're
• 16:47
  having
• 16:48
  a
• 16:48
  hard
• 16:48
  day,
• 16:49
  stop
• 16:49
  saying
• 16:50
  what's
• 16:50
  wrong
• 16:50
  with
• 16:51
  you.
• 16:51
  You
• 16:51
  know,
• 16:52
  it's.
• 16:52
  It's
• 16:52
  Just
• 16:52
  words,
• 16:53
  our
• 16:53
  words
• 16:53
  are
• 16:54
  so
• 16:54
  powerful.
• 16:54
  And
• 16:54
  instead
• 16:55
  of
• 16:55
  saying
• 16:55
  that,
• 16:55
  just
• 16:56
  say,
• 16:56
  you
• 16:56
  know,
• 16:56
  what's
• 16:56
  going
• 16:57
  on
• 16:57
  with
• 16:57
  you?
• 16:57
  Or
• 16:57
  what
• 16:58
  can
• 16:58
  I
• 16:58
  help
• 16:58
  you
• 16:58
  with?
• 16:58
  Or,
• 16:59
  you
• 16:59
  know,
• 16:59
  so
• 17:00
  just
• 17:00
  that
• 17:00
  one
• 17:00
  little
• 17:01
  shift
• 17:01
  of
• 17:01
  I
• 17:02
  from
• 17:02
  you
• 17:03
  to
• 17:03
  I
• 17:03
  is
• 17:04
  amazing
• 17:04
  and
• 17:05
  huge
• 17:05
  and
• 17:05
  can
• 17:06
  probably
• 17:06
  help
• 17:07
  a
• 17:07
  lot
• 17:07
  of
• 17:07
  conversations
• 17:08
  right
• 17:08
  now.
• 17:11
  I
• 17:11
  love
• 17:11
  that.
• 17:12
  So
• 17:12
  give
• 17:13
  us
• 17:13
  some
• 17:13
  other
• 17:13
  skills.
• 17:13
  This
• 17:14
  is,
• 17:14
  this
• 17:14
  is
• 17:14
  good
• 17:15
  because
• 17:15
  this
• 17:15
  is
• 17:15
  what
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  want
• 17:16
  on
• 17:16
  this
• 17:16
  podcast.
• 17:16
  I
• 17:17
  want
• 17:17
  people
• 17:17
  to
• 17:17
  have
• 17:18
  some
• 17:18
  tangible
• 17:19
  stuff
• 17:19
  to
• 17:19
  go,
• 17:20
  oh,
• 17:20
  yeah,
• 17:21
  I
• 17:21
  do
• 17:21
  that.
• 17:21
  Because
• 17:22
  it's
• 17:22
  all
• 17:22
  about.
• 17:23
  It's
• 17:23
  not
• 17:24
  about
• 17:24
  blaming
• 17:24
  ourselves
• 17:25
  either,
• 17:25
  but
• 17:25
  it
• 17:25
  is
• 17:26
  about
• 17:26
  self
• 17:26
  reflecting
• 17:27
  and
• 17:27
  our
• 17:28
  part
• 17:28
  in
• 17:28
  this
• 17:29
  because
• 17:29
  we
• 17:30
  both
• 17:30
  have
• 17:30
  equal
• 17:30
  parts.
• 17:31
  Well,
• 17:31
  maybe
• 17:32
  not
• 17:32
  always
• 17:32
  equal,
• 17:33
  but
• 17:33
  we
• 17:34
  both
• 17:34
  have
• 17:34
  a
• 17:34
  part
• 17:34
  in
• 17:35
  this
• 17:35
  in
• 17:36
  every
• 17:36
  relationship.
• 17:37
  So,
• 17:38
  yeah,
• 17:38
  certainly.
• 17:40
  Well,
• 17:40
  and
• 17:41
  I
• 17:41
  love
• 17:41
  the
• 17:41
  way
• 17:41
  that
• 17:42
  you
• 17:42
  said
• 17:42
  that
• 17:42
  too.
• 17:42
  It's
• 17:43
  not
• 17:43
  about
• 17:43
  blaming
• 17:44
  ourselves,
• 17:44
  which
• 17:45
  I
• 17:45
  know
• 17:45
  I'm
• 17:46
  an
• 17:46
  expert
• 17:47
  at
• 17:47
  certainly,
• 17:49
  but
• 17:49
  it
• 17:49
  is
• 17:49
  a
• 17:50
  self
• 17:50
  reflection
• 17:51
  piece.
• 17:51
  You
• 17:52
  know,
• 17:52
  if
• 17:52
  we
• 17:52
  notice
• 17:53
  something
• 17:54
  without
• 17:54
  blaming
• 17:55
  ourselves,
• 17:56
  without,
• 17:56
  you
• 17:57
  know,
• 17:57
  heaping
• 17:57
  the
• 17:57
  weight
• 17:58
  of
• 17:58
  the
• 17:58
  world
• 17:58
  on
• 17:58
  our
• 17:59
  shoulders,
• 17:59
  then
• 18:00
  we
• 18:00
  have
• 18:00
  power
• 18:00
  to
• 18:01
  do
• 18:01
  something
• 18:01
  about
• 18:01
  it.
• 18:02
  So
• 18:02
  I
• 18:02
  love
• 18:03
  the
• 18:03
  way
• 18:03
  that
• 18:03
  you
• 18:03
  shared
• 18:04
  that.
• 18:04
  And
• 18:05
  another
• 18:06
  dynamic
• 18:07
  that
• 18:07
  I
• 18:07
  see
• 18:08
  all
• 18:08
  the
• 18:08
  time
• 18:08
  with
• 18:09
  couples
• 18:10
  is
• 18:10
  a
• 18:11
  pursuer
• 18:12
  and
• 18:12
  withdraw
• 18:13
  cycle.
• 18:14
  So
• 18:14
  in
• 18:14
  any
• 18:15
  relationship
• 18:15
  there's
• 18:16
  two
• 18:16
  people,
• 18:16
  right?
• 18:17
  Of
• 18:17
  course
• 18:17
  we
• 18:18
  are
• 18:18
  different
• 18:18
  because
• 18:19
  no
• 18:19
  two
• 18:20
  people
• 18:20
  are
• 18:20
  the
• 18:20
  same.
• 18:21
  So
• 18:21
  there
• 18:21
  will
• 18:22
  always
• 18:22
  be
• 18:22
  one
• 18:22
  person
• 18:23
  that
• 18:24
  tends
• 18:24
  a
• 18:24
  little
• 18:25
  bit
• 18:25
  more
• 18:25
  to
• 18:26
  withdraw,
• 18:27
  to
• 18:27
  shut
• 18:28
  down,
• 18:29
  to
• 18:29
  push
• 18:30
  the
• 18:30
  issues
• 18:31
  to
• 18:31
  the
• 18:32
  side,
• 18:32
  not
• 18:33
  wanting
• 18:33
  to
• 18:33
  talk
• 18:33
  about
• 18:33
  it,
• 18:34
  not
• 18:34
  ready
• 18:34
  to
• 18:34
  talk
• 18:35
  about
• 18:35
  it,
• 18:36
  and
• 18:36
  one
• 18:36
  person
• 18:37
  who's
• 18:37
  more
• 18:37
  the
• 18:38
  pursuing
• 18:38
  person
• 18:40
  that,
• 18:40
  okay,
• 18:40
  I'm
• 18:41
  ready
• 18:41
  to
• 18:41
  talk
• 18:41
  about
• 18:42
  it.
• 18:42
  This
• 18:42
  is
• 18:43
  a
• 18:43
  problem.
• 18:43
  Let's
• 18:43
  work
• 18:44
  on
• 18:44
  it.
• 18:44
  Let's
• 18:45
  do
• 18:45
  this,
• 18:45
  let's
• 18:46
  do
• 18:46
  that.
• 18:46
  I'm
• 18:46
  ready,
• 18:47
  I'm
• 18:47
  ready,
• 18:47
  I'm
• 18:47
  ready.
• 18:48
  And
• 18:49
  you
• 18:49
  can,
• 18:49
  you
• 18:49
  can
• 18:50
  hear
• 18:50
  in
• 18:50
  that
• 18:50
  there's,
• 18:51
  there's
• 18:51
  a
• 18:51
  lot
• 18:51
  of
• 18:51
  energy
• 18:52
  associated
• 18:53
  with
• 18:53
  shutting
• 18:53
  down
• 18:54
  and
• 18:54
  there's
• 18:54
  a
• 18:54
  lot
• 18:54
  of
• 18:55
  energy
• 18:55
  associated
• 18:56
  with
• 18:56
  pursuing
• 18:58
  and
• 18:58
  even
• 18:59
  like
• 18:59
  an
• 18:59
  aggressiveness
• 19:00
  to
• 19:00
  that.
• 19:01
  And
• 19:01
  so
• 19:02
  it
• 19:02
  plays
• 19:02
  out
• 19:02
  in
• 19:03
  our
• 19:03
  conflicts
• 19:04
  all
• 19:04
  the
• 19:04
  time
• 19:05
  that
• 19:05
  one
• 19:06
  person
• 19:07
  does
• 19:07
  not
• 19:07
  want
• 19:07
  to
• 19:07
  talk
• 19:08
  about
• 19:08
  something
• 19:08
  and
• 19:08
  the
• 19:09
  other
• 19:09
  person
• 19:10
  needs
• 19:10
  to
• 19:10
  talk
• 19:11
  about
• 19:11
  it.
• 19:12
  So
• 19:12
  what
• 19:12
  do
• 19:12
  we
• 19:12
  do
• 19:13
  when
• 19:13
  we
• 19:13
  get
• 19:13
  caught
• 19:13
  in
• 19:14
  that
• 19:14
  cycle
• 19:15
  again?
• 19:16
  Right,
• 19:16
  because
• 19:16
  we
• 19:17
  can
• 19:17
  just
• 19:17
  stay
• 19:18
  stuck
• 19:18
  there
• 19:19
  forever
• 19:20
  and
• 19:20
  it
• 19:20
  becomes
• 19:21
  another
• 19:21
  one
• 19:21
  of
• 19:21
  those.
• 19:22
  You
• 19:22
  never
• 19:22
  want
• 19:23
  to
• 19:23
  talk
• 19:23
  about
• 19:23
  things
• 19:24
  or
• 19:25
  you
• 19:25
  always
• 19:26
  are
• 19:26
  telling
• 19:26
  me
• 19:27
  what
• 19:27
  I
• 19:27
  did
• 19:27
  wrong
• 19:28
  and
• 19:29
  that's
• 19:29
  where
• 19:29
  we
• 19:29
  can
• 19:30
  live.
• 19:31
  So
• 19:31
  first
• 19:32
  thing
• 19:32
  is
• 19:32
  just
• 19:32
  knowing,
• 19:33
  okay,
• 19:34
  each
• 19:34
  person
• 19:34
  is
• 19:35
  going
• 19:35
  to
• 19:35
  tend
• 19:35
  more
• 19:36
  towards
• 19:37
  one
• 19:37
  versus
• 19:37
  the
• 19:38
  other.
• 19:38
  That
• 19:39
  doesn't
• 19:39
  mean
• 19:39
  there's
• 19:39
  anything
• 19:40
  wrong
• 19:40
  or
• 19:40
  bad
• 19:40
  with
• 19:41
  them.
• 19:41
  But
• 19:41
  Just
• 19:41
  knowing
• 19:42
  that's
• 19:43
  where
• 19:43
  I
• 19:43
  tend
• 19:44
  to
• 19:44
  go,
• 19:45
  and
• 19:45
  that
• 19:45
  gives
• 19:45
  me
• 19:45
  power
• 19:46
  to
• 19:47
  try
• 19:47
  to
• 19:47
  change
• 19:47
  it.
• 19:49
  But
• 19:49
  what
• 19:49
  I
• 19:50
  tell
• 19:50
  couples
• 19:50
  often
• 19:51
  is
• 19:51
  that
• 19:52
  the
• 19:52
  person
• 19:52
  that's
• 19:53
  withdrawing
• 19:54
  or
• 19:54
  maybe
• 19:54
  not
• 19:55
  quite
• 19:55
  ready
• 19:55
  to
• 19:55
  talk
• 19:56
  about
• 19:56
  things,
• 19:57
  they're
• 19:57
  often
• 19:58
  doing
• 19:59
  their
• 19:59
  best,
• 19:59
  probably
• 20:00
  always
• 20:00
  doing
• 20:00
  their
• 20:01
  best.
• 20:02
  They
• 20:02
  want
• 20:02
  to
• 20:02
  talk
• 20:03
  about
• 20:03
  things,
• 20:04
  but
• 20:05
  they
• 20:06
  either
• 20:06
  can't
• 20:07
  or
• 20:07
  they
• 20:07
  don't
• 20:07
  feel
• 20:08
  safe
• 20:08
  to.
• 20:09
  And
• 20:09
  maybe
• 20:09
  one
• 20:10
  out
• 20:10
  of
• 20:10
  10
• 20:10
  times,
• 20:11
  they
• 20:11
  might
• 20:11
  say
• 20:12
  a
• 20:12
  little
• 20:12
  something
• 20:13
  of
• 20:13
  like,
• 20:14
  hey,
• 20:14
  what
• 20:14
  about
• 20:14
  this?
• 20:15
  And
• 20:15
  it
• 20:15
  could
• 20:16
  be
• 20:16
  quiet.
• 20:17
  It
• 20:17
  can
• 20:17
  get
• 20:17
  missed.
• 20:18
  But
• 20:18
  they
• 20:19
  tried,
• 20:19
  right?
• 20:20
  That
• 20:20
  was
• 20:20
  their
• 20:20
  effort.
• 20:21
  And
• 20:21
  if
• 20:21
  we
• 20:22
  want
• 20:22
  them
• 20:22
  to
• 20:22
  come
• 20:22
  to
• 20:23
  the
• 20:23
  table
• 20:23
  more
• 20:24
  often,
• 20:24
  we've
• 20:25
  got
• 20:25
  to
• 20:25
  notice
• 20:25
  those
• 20:26
  small
• 20:26
  times
• 20:27
  where
• 20:27
  they
• 20:27
  tried.
• 20:27
  We've
• 20:28
  got
• 20:28
  to
• 20:28
  create
• 20:28
  that
• 20:29
  safe
• 20:29
  space
• 20:29
  to
• 20:30
  invite
• 20:30
  them
• 20:31
  into
• 20:31
  the
• 20:31
  middle.
• 20:32
  And
• 20:33
  on
• 20:33
  the
• 20:33
  other
• 20:33
  side,
• 20:34
  the
• 20:34
  person
• 20:34
  that's,
• 20:35
  you
• 20:35
  know,
• 20:35
  I
• 20:35
  want
• 20:35
  to
• 20:36
  talk
• 20:36
  all
• 20:36
  the
• 20:36
  time,
• 20:37
  let's
• 20:37
  get
• 20:37
  into
• 20:38
  it.
• 20:38
  This
• 20:38
  is
• 20:39
  an
• 20:39
  issue,
• 20:39
  let's
• 20:39
  fix
• 20:39
  it.
• 20:40
  We
• 20:40
  need
• 20:41
  to
• 20:41
  soften
• 20:41
  that
• 20:42
  person
• 20:42
  a
• 20:42
  little
• 20:42
  bit.
• 20:43
  And
• 20:43
  they
• 20:43
  may
• 20:44
  need
• 20:44
  to
• 20:45
  be
• 20:45
  self.
• 20:45
  Aware.
• 20:46
  Right.
• 20:46
  Self
• 20:47
  reflect
• 20:47
  that.
• 20:48
  Okay.
• 20:48
  That
• 20:48
  energy,
• 20:49
  it's
• 20:49
  overwhelming
• 20:50
  for
• 20:50
  my
• 20:51
  partner,
• 20:51
  it's
• 20:51
  a
• 20:51
  little
• 20:52
  too
• 20:52
  much.
• 20:53
  How
• 20:53
  can
• 20:53
  I
• 20:54
  turn
• 20:54
  the
• 20:54
  volume
• 20:54
  down
• 20:55
  a
• 20:55
  little
• 20:55
  bit
• 20:56
  there?
• 20:57
  So
• 20:57
  those.
• 20:57
  Those
• 20:57
  dial
• 20:58
  knobs.
• 20:58
  Right.
• 20:59
  How
• 20:59
  can
• 20:59
  a
• 20:59
  withdrawing
• 21:00
  person
• 21:00
  feel
• 21:01
  safe
• 21:01
  enough
• 21:01
  to
• 21:02
  turn
• 21:02
  that
• 21:02
  dial
• 21:03
  up
• 21:03
  a
• 21:03
  little
• 21:03
  bit
• 21:04
  more
• 21:04
  to
• 21:04
  come
• 21:04
  to
• 21:04
  the
• 21:05
  middle?
• 21:05
  How
• 21:05
  can
• 21:06
  that
• 21:06
  pursuing
• 21:07
  person
• 21:07
  turn
• 21:07
  their
• 21:08
  dial
• 21:08
  a
• 21:08
  little
• 21:09
  bit
• 21:09
  down
• 21:09
  so
• 21:10
  that
• 21:10
  it's
• 21:10
  safe?
• 21:11
  And
• 21:12
  so
• 21:12
  we
• 21:12
  work
• 21:12
  on
• 21:13
  adjusting
• 21:13
  those
• 21:13
  knobs,
• 21:14
  but
• 21:15
  being
• 21:15
  self
• 21:15
  aware
• 21:16
  is
• 21:16
  the
• 21:16
  first
• 21:16
  step.
• 21:17
  Just
• 21:17
  knowing,
• 21:18
  okay,
• 21:19
  that's
• 21:19
  the
• 21:19
  energy
• 21:19
  that
• 21:20
  I'm
• 21:20
  bringing.
• 21:21
  It's
• 21:21
  not
• 21:21
  bad,
• 21:22
  but
• 21:22
  it's
• 21:22
  not
• 21:23
  working
• 21:23
  in
• 21:23
  this
• 21:24
  relationship.
• 21:25
  Right.
• 21:26
  There's
• 21:26
  no
• 21:26
  right
• 21:26
  or
• 21:27
  wrong,
• 21:27
  but
• 21:27
  there
• 21:27
  has
• 21:27
  to
• 21:27
  be
• 21:27
  a
• 21:28
  balance
• 21:28
  between
• 21:28
  the
• 21:28
  two
• 21:29
  people.
• 21:29
  Without
• 21:29
  a
• 21:29
  doubt.
• 21:30
  What
• 21:31
  do
• 21:31
  you
• 21:31
  do
• 21:31
  or
• 21:31
  how
• 21:32
  do
• 21:32
  you
• 21:32
  suggest
• 21:32
  for
• 21:33
  people
• 21:33
  or
• 21:33
  for
• 21:33
  people
• 21:33
  out
• 21:34
  there
• 21:34
  listening
• 21:34
  when
• 21:34
  you
• 21:35
  have
• 21:35
  a
• 21:35
  couple
• 21:35
  and
• 21:35
  they're
• 21:36
  both
• 21:36
  the
• 21:37
  withdrawing
• 21:37
  kind,
• 21:38
  and
• 21:38
  now
• 21:38
  you're
• 21:39
  10
• 21:39
  years
• 21:39
  in,
• 21:40
  and
• 21:40
  there's
• 21:40
  nothing
• 21:41
  like,
• 21:42
  there's
• 21:42
  nothing
• 21:43
  that's
• 21:43
  been
• 21:43
  laid
• 21:43
  on
• 21:43
  the
• 21:44
  table
• 21:44
  for
• 21:44
  10
• 21:44
  years.
• 21:47
  Yeah.
• 21:47
  And.
• 21:48
  And
• 21:48
  that
• 21:48
  absolutely
• 21:49
  happens.
• 21:50
  You're.
• 21:50
  You're
• 21:50
  100.
• 21:51
  Right.
• 21:51
  And
• 21:52
  sometimes
• 21:52
  what
• 21:53
  happens
• 21:53
  is
• 21:54
  a
• 21:54
  pursuing
• 21:55
  person
• 21:56
  or
• 21:56
  someone
• 21:56
  with
• 21:56
  more
• 21:57
  of
• 21:57
  that
• 21:57
  energy
• 21:58
  over
• 21:58
  time
• 21:59
  because,
• 22:01
  you
• 22:01
  know,
• 22:01
  they
• 22:01
  haven't
• 22:02
  been
• 22:02
  able
• 22:02
  to
• 22:02
  talk
• 22:02
  things
• 22:03
  through,
• 22:03
  they
• 22:03
  just
• 22:03
  stop.
• 22:04
  Right.
• 22:05
  They
• 22:05
  get
• 22:05
  hurt.
• 22:06
  They
• 22:07
  realize,
• 22:08
  you
• 22:08
  know
• 22:08
  what?
• 22:08
  This
• 22:09
  isn't
• 22:09
  working.
• 22:10
  I'm
• 22:10
  done.
• 22:11
  And
• 22:12
  now
• 22:12
  they've
• 22:12
  started
• 22:13
  to
• 22:13
  withdraw.
• 22:14
  So
• 22:14
  what
• 22:15
  I
• 22:15
  often
• 22:15
  find
• 22:15
  is
• 22:16
  within.
• 22:17
  Within
• 22:17
  one
• 22:17
  of
• 22:17
  those
• 22:18
  partners,
• 22:19
  there
• 22:20
  is
• 22:20
  a
• 22:20
  kernel.
• 22:21
  Right.
• 22:21
  Or
• 22:21
  there's
• 22:22
  a
• 22:22
  spark
• 22:22
  of
• 22:23
  someone
• 22:23
  that
• 22:23
  really
• 22:24
  does
• 22:24
  want
• 22:24
  to
• 22:25
  Engage,
• 22:26
  but
• 22:26
  has
• 22:26
  felt
• 22:27
  defeated
• 22:28
  or
• 22:28
  rejected
• 22:29
  for
• 22:29
  so
• 22:29
  long
• 22:30
  that
• 22:31
  they've
• 22:31
  given
• 22:32
  up
• 22:32
  and
• 22:33
  they've
• 22:33
  shut
• 22:33
  down,
• 22:34
  they've
• 22:34
  thrown
• 22:34
  their
• 22:34
  hands
• 22:35
  up
• 22:35
  in
• 22:35
  the
• 22:35
  air.
• 22:36
  But
• 22:37
  if
• 22:37
  we
• 22:37
  can
• 22:37
  find
• 22:38
  that
• 22:38
  spark
• 22:39
  and
• 22:40
  we
• 22:40
  can
• 22:40
  really
• 22:41
  lean
• 22:41
  into
• 22:42
  that
• 22:42
  and
• 22:42
  we
• 22:42
  can
• 22:43
  talk
• 22:43
  about,
• 22:43
  you
• 22:44
  know,
• 22:44
  the
• 22:44
  hurt
• 22:45
  or
• 22:45
  the
• 22:45
  disappointment,
• 22:46
  that
• 22:46
  sadness,
• 22:48
  that's
• 22:48
  a
• 22:48
  different
• 22:48
  way
• 22:49
  of
• 22:49
  bringing
• 22:50
  them
• 22:50
  to
• 22:51
  the
• 22:51
  middle
• 22:51
  than,
• 22:52
  you
• 22:52
  know,
• 22:52
  anger
• 22:53
  or
• 22:54
  frustration,
• 22:54
  because
• 22:55
  that
• 22:55
  angry,
• 22:55
  frustrated
• 22:56
  energy,
• 22:57
  like,
• 22:58
  that's
• 22:58
  not.
• 22:59
  That's
• 22:59
  not
• 22:59
  going
• 22:59
  to
• 22:59
  bring
• 23:00
  them
• 23:00
  to
• 23:00
  the
• 23:00
  table.
• 23:00
  But
• 23:01
  if
• 23:01
  we
• 23:01
  can
• 23:01
  tap
• 23:01
  into
• 23:02
  that
• 23:02
  sadness,
• 23:03
  what
• 23:03
  they're
• 23:03
  missing,
• 23:04
  that
• 23:04
  they
• 23:05
  really
• 23:05
  want
• 23:05
  to
• 23:05
  feel
• 23:06
  close
• 23:06
  to
• 23:06
  their
• 23:06
  partner.
• 23:07
  Now
• 23:07
  we
• 23:08
  have
• 23:08
  something
• 23:08
  that
• 23:08
  we
• 23:08
  can
• 23:09
  work
• 23:09
  with.
• 23:10
  If
• 23:10
  their
• 23:10
  partner
• 23:11
  can
• 23:11
  see,
• 23:12
  okay,
• 23:13
  they
• 23:13
  really
• 23:13
  do
• 23:13
  want
• 23:14
  to
• 23:14
  connect
• 23:14
  with
• 23:14
  me.
• 23:15
  Now
• 23:16
  we've
• 23:16
  brought
• 23:16
  them
• 23:16
  back,
• 23:17
  too,
• 23:17
  because
• 23:18
  in
• 23:18
  a
• 23:18
  relationship,
• 23:19
  we
• 23:19
  want
• 23:19
  to
• 23:20
  connect,
• 23:20
  otherwise
• 23:21
  we
• 23:21
  wouldn't
• 23:22
  be
• 23:22
  there.
• 23:23
  Right.
• 23:23
  We
• 23:23
  don't
• 23:23
  always
• 23:24
  know
• 23:24
  how.
• 23:24
  There's
• 23:25
  often
• 23:25
  a
• 23:25
  lot
• 23:25
  of
• 23:26
  hurt
• 23:26
  piled
• 23:26
  on
• 23:27
  top.
• 23:27
  But
• 23:27
  we
• 23:28
  want
• 23:28
  to
• 23:28
  feel
• 23:29
  close
• 23:29
  to
• 23:29
  our
• 23:29
  partner.
• 23:30
  And
• 23:30
  even
• 23:30
  just
• 23:31
  hearing
• 23:31
  that
• 23:32
  so
• 23:32
  many
• 23:32
  times
• 23:33
  in
• 23:33
  sessions,
• 23:34
  I'll
• 23:34
  see
• 23:34
  partners
• 23:35
  who
• 23:35
  have
• 23:35
  been
• 23:36
  looking
• 23:36
  at
• 23:36
  me
• 23:37
  or
• 23:37
  looking
• 23:37
  to
• 23:37
  the
• 23:38
  side
• 23:38
  the
• 23:38
  whole
• 23:39
  time.
• 23:39
  When
• 23:40
  they
• 23:40
  hear
• 23:40
  their
• 23:40
  partner
• 23:41
  share
• 23:41
  that
• 23:41
  longing,
• 23:42
  that
• 23:43
  sadness
• 23:44
  about
• 23:44
  the
• 23:44
  disconnection,
• 23:45
  then
• 23:46
  they
• 23:46
  turn
• 23:46
  towards
• 23:47
  each
• 23:47
  other.
• 23:47
  And
• 23:48
  it's
• 23:48
  so
• 23:48
  beautiful
• 23:49
  to
• 23:49
  see
• 23:49
  that
• 23:50
  hopefulness,
• 23:51
  that
• 23:51
  longing
• 23:52
  come
• 23:52
  into
• 23:52
  the
• 23:52
  room.
• 23:53
  Right.
• 23:54
  Well,
• 23:54
  I
• 23:54
  think.
• 23:55
  And
• 23:56
  it's
• 23:56
  not
• 23:56
  in.
• 23:56
  I
• 23:57
  don't
• 23:57
  want
• 23:57
  to
• 23:57
  say
• 23:57
  in
• 23:57
  today's
• 23:58
  world,
• 23:58
  because
• 23:58
  the
• 23:59
  relationships
• 23:59
  have
• 24:00
  been
• 24:00
  relationships
• 24:00
  forever,
• 24:01
  but
• 24:01
  it's
• 24:01
  very
• 24:02
  easy
• 24:02
  to
• 24:02
  get
• 24:02
  complacent.
• 24:03
  And
• 24:04
  that's
• 24:04
  where
• 24:04
  you,
• 24:04
  you
• 24:04
  know,
• 24:05
  it's
• 24:05
  very
• 24:05
  easy
• 24:05
  to
• 24:05
  be
• 24:06
  like,
• 24:06
  things
• 24:06
  aren't
• 24:07
  great,
• 24:07
  but
• 24:07
  they're
• 24:07
  not
• 24:08
  bad.
• 24:08
  Like,
• 24:09
  you
• 24:09
  know,
• 24:09
  he's
• 24:09
  not
• 24:10
  mean.
• 24:10
  He's
• 24:10
  not,
• 24:11
  you
• 24:11
  know,
• 24:11
  and
• 24:11
  I
• 24:11
  see
• 24:11
  that
• 24:12
  a
• 24:12
  lot
• 24:12
  with
• 24:12
  the
• 24:12
  people
• 24:13
  I
• 24:13
  deal
• 24:13
  with,
• 24:13
  and
• 24:14
  a
• 24:14
  lot
• 24:14
  of
• 24:14
  it
• 24:14
  is
• 24:15
  because
• 24:17
  I
• 24:17
  think
• 24:17
  they
• 24:17
  both
• 24:17
  came
• 24:18
  into,
• 24:18
  you
• 24:18
  know,
• 24:18
  wounded
• 24:19
  people
• 24:20
  attract
• 24:20
  wounded
• 24:21
  people.
• 24:21
  So
• 24:22
  if
• 24:22
  you
• 24:22
  grew
• 24:22
  up
• 24:22
  with
• 24:22
  childhood
• 24:23
  trauma,
• 24:23
  that
• 24:24
  other
• 24:24
  person
• 24:25
  very
• 24:26
  likely
• 24:26
  could
• 24:27
  have
• 24:27
  a
• 24:27
  very
• 24:27
  similar.
• 24:28
  So
• 24:29
  they
• 24:29
  avoid
• 24:30
  confent
• 24:31
  confrontation,
• 24:32
  big
• 24:32
  word
• 24:33
  early
• 24:33
  in
• 24:33
  the
• 24:34
  morning.
• 24:35
  They
• 24:35
  avoid
• 24:35
  that
• 24:36
  at
• 24:36
  all
• 24:36
  costs.
• 24:37
  So
• 24:37
  it
• 24:38
  is
• 24:38
  very
• 24:38
  easy
• 24:38
  to
• 24:39
  see
• 24:39
  how
• 24:39
  people
• 24:39
  like,
• 24:39
  okay,
• 24:40
  if
• 24:40
  I
• 24:40
  say
• 24:40
  anything,
• 24:40
  it's
• 24:41
  going
• 24:41
  to
• 24:41
  start
• 24:41
  a
• 24:41
  fight.
• 24:42
  And
• 24:42
  then,
• 24:42
  like,
• 24:42
  it's
• 24:42
  not
• 24:43
  worth
• 24:43
  it.
• 24:43
  So
• 24:44
  what
• 24:44
  are
• 24:45
  some
• 24:45
  strategies
• 24:46
  or
• 24:46
  maybe
• 24:46
  even
• 24:47
  some.
• 24:47
  I
• 24:47
  mean,
• 24:47
  you've
• 24:48
  been
• 24:48
  giving
• 24:48
  so
• 24:48
  many
• 24:49
  little
• 24:49
  good
• 24:49
  tips
• 24:50
  and
• 24:50
  nuggets
• 24:51
  of
• 24:52
  how
• 24:52
  to
• 24:52
  really,
• 24:53
  like,
• 24:54
  start
• 24:54
  those
• 24:55
  conversations
• 24:55
  about,
• 24:56
  like,
• 24:56
  I
• 24:56
  want
• 24:56
  it
• 24:57
  better.
• 24:57
  I
• 24:57
  want
• 24:58
  to
• 24:58
  feel
• 24:58
  that
• 24:58
  again.
• 24:59
  I
• 24:59
  want
• 24:59
  to
• 24:59
  be
• 24:59
  passionate
• 25:00
  again
• 25:00
  and
• 25:01
  intimate
• 25:01
  and.
• 25:02
  Yeah,
• 25:03
  yeah.
• 25:03
  Such
• 25:04
  a.
• 25:04
  Such
• 25:04
  an
• 25:04
  informed
• 25:05
  question.
• 25:06
  You
• 25:06
  have
• 25:06
  you
• 25:06
  have
• 25:07
  lived.
• 25:07
  You
• 25:07
  have
• 25:07
  had
• 25:08
  relationships.
• 25:08
  Tammy,
• 25:09
  I
• 25:09
  can
• 25:09
  tell.
• 25:09
  And
• 25:10
  worked
• 25:10
  with
• 25:10
  maybe
• 25:11
  some
• 25:11
  of
• 25:11
  the
• 25:11
  same
• 25:11
  people
• 25:12
  that
• 25:12
  I
• 25:12
  have.
• 25:13
  So
• 25:14
  we're
• 25:14
  not
• 25:14
  all
• 25:15
  different.
• 25:16
  You
• 25:16
  know,
• 25:16
  all
• 25:16
  of
• 25:16
  us
• 25:17
  having
• 25:17
  that
• 25:18
  longing
• 25:18
  for
• 25:19
  connection
• 25:19
  you're
• 25:19
  describing.
• 25:20
  And
• 25:20
  I
• 25:21
  noticed
• 25:21
  all
• 25:21
  the
• 25:22
  I
• 25:22
  language
• 25:22
  you
• 25:22
  were
• 25:23
  just
• 25:23
  using,
• 25:24
  so
• 25:24
  I
• 25:25
  would
• 25:25
  validate
• 25:25
  that,
• 25:26
  like,
• 25:26
  great
• 25:26
  job
• 25:27
  sharing
• 25:28
  from
• 25:28
  an
• 25:28
  I
• 25:28
  place
• 25:29
  what
• 25:29
  you're
• 25:29
  wanting.
• 25:30
  That's
• 25:30
  a
• 25:30
  great
• 25:30
  start,
• 25:31
  you
• 25:31
  know,
• 25:31
  with
• 25:32
  your
• 25:32
  partner,
• 25:33
  because
• 25:33
  now
• 25:34
  you're
• 25:34
  inviting
• 25:34
  them
• 25:35
  to
• 25:35
  the
• 25:35
  conversation.
• 25:36
  They're
• 25:37
  not
• 25:37
  the
• 25:37
  problem.
• 25:38
  They're
• 25:38
  not
• 25:38
  doing
• 25:39
  something
• 25:39
  wrong.
• 25:39
  You're
• 25:40
  telling
• 25:40
  them
• 25:40
  what
• 25:40
  you're.
• 25:41
  What
• 25:41
  you're
• 25:41
  wanting.
• 25:42
  So
• 25:43
  great
• 25:43
  place
• 25:43
  to
• 25:44
  start.
• 25:45
  And
• 25:45
  so
• 25:46
  many
• 25:46
  times
• 25:46
  you
• 25:47
  mentioned
• 25:47
  complacency.
• 25:48
  That
• 25:49
  happens
• 25:49
  in
• 25:49
  the
• 25:49
  bedroom.
• 25:50
  I
• 25:50
  work
• 25:50
  with
• 25:50
  a
• 25:51
  lot
• 25:51
  of
• 25:51
  couples
• 25:51
  about
• 25:52
  physical
• 25:52
  intimacy
• 25:53
  and
• 25:54
  sex,
• 25:54
  which
• 25:55
  is
• 25:55
  another
• 25:55
  one
• 25:55
  of
• 25:55
  those
• 25:56
  things
• 25:56
  that
• 25:57
  very
• 25:57
  much
• 25:57
  shifts
• 25:58
  over
• 25:58
  time
• 25:59
  and
• 25:59
  is
• 25:59
  an
• 26:00
  area
• 26:00
  of
• 26:00
  sensitivity
• 26:01
  to
• 26:01
  people.
• 26:02
  Because
• 26:03
  this
• 26:04
  is
• 26:04
  our
• 26:04
  physical
• 26:04
  bodies.
• 26:05
  Our
• 26:05
  physical
• 26:06
  bodies
• 26:06
  may
• 26:06
  have
• 26:06
  changed.
• 26:07
  We
• 26:08
  can
• 26:08
  all
• 26:08
  be
• 26:08
  very
• 26:09
  sensitive
• 26:10
  to
• 26:10
  hearing,
• 26:11
  oh,
• 26:11
  I'm
• 26:11
  not
• 26:11
  doing
• 26:12
  something
• 26:12
  that's
• 26:12
  pleasing
• 26:13
  to
• 26:13
  my
• 26:13
  partner
• 26:14
  or
• 26:14
  something
• 26:15
  that's
• 26:15
  right.
• 26:16
  This
• 26:16
  idea
• 26:16
  of
• 26:16
  right
• 26:17
  and
• 26:17
  wrong.
• 26:18
  And
• 26:18
  so,
• 26:19
  like,
• 26:20
  we,
• 26:20
  like
• 26:20
  we've
• 26:20
  been
• 26:21
  talking
• 26:21
  about
• 26:21
  starting
• 26:22
  with
• 26:22
  I
• 26:22
  language.
• 26:23
  And
• 26:24
  then
• 26:24
  I
• 26:24
  always.
• 26:25
  And
• 26:26
  this
• 26:26
  is
• 26:26
  an
• 26:26
  always
• 26:26
  statement,
• 26:27
  but
• 26:27
  it's
• 26:27
  true,
• 26:28
  because
• 26:28
  I
• 26:28
  always
• 26:29
  will
• 26:30
  start
• 26:30
  with
• 26:30
  small
• 26:31
  steps.
• 26:32
  Any
• 26:33
  progress,
• 26:34
  any
• 26:34
  forward
• 26:34
  momentum
• 26:35
  is
• 26:36
  good.
• 26:36
  It
• 26:37
  doesn't
• 26:37
  have
• 26:37
  to
• 26:37
  be
• 26:38
  a
• 26:38
  giant
• 26:38
  leap.
• 26:39
  Couples
• 26:40
  that
• 26:40
  have
• 26:40
  been
• 26:40
  struggling
• 26:41
  for
• 26:41
  years,
• 26:42
  it's
• 26:42
  not
• 26:43
  going
• 26:43
  to
• 26:43
  change
• 26:43
  overnight.
• 26:44
  But
• 26:45
  we're
• 26:45
  going
• 26:45
  to
• 26:45
  stack
• 26:46
  small
• 26:47
  steps
• 26:48
  and
• 26:48
  notice
• 26:48
  progress
• 26:49
  over
• 26:49
  time.
• 26:51
  So
• 26:51
  for
• 26:51
  a
• 26:51
  couple
• 26:52
  that
• 26:52
  has
• 26:52
  been
• 26:53
  complacent
• 26:54
  or
• 26:55
  things
• 26:55
  have
• 26:55
  been
• 26:56
  okay
• 26:57
  for
• 26:57
  a
• 26:57
  while,
• 26:58
  if
• 26:59
  we
• 26:59
  want
• 26:59
  to
• 26:59
  get
• 26:59
  from
• 27:00
  okay
• 27:00
  to
• 27:00
  a
• 27:01
  different
• 27:01
  place,
• 27:02
  and
• 27:02
  we're
• 27:02
  going
• 27:03
  to
• 27:03
  take
• 27:03
  a
• 27:03
  lot
• 27:03
  of
• 27:03
  small
• 27:04
  steps
• 27:04
  between
• 27:04
  here
• 27:05
  and
• 27:05
  there,
• 27:06
  and
• 27:06
  any
• 27:07
  way
• 27:07
  that
• 27:07
  I
• 27:07
  can
• 27:07
  get
• 27:07
  the
• 27:08
  two
• 27:08
  people
• 27:08
  in
• 27:09
  the
• 27:09
  couple
• 27:09
  to
• 27:09
  agree,
• 27:10
  that's
• 27:11
  a
• 27:11
  win.
• 27:12
  So
• 27:12
  it
• 27:12
  doesn't
• 27:13
  have
• 27:13
  to
• 27:13
  be.
• 27:13
  This
• 27:13
  is
• 27:14
  terrible.
• 27:14
  You
• 27:15
  know,
• 27:15
  everything
• 27:15
  has
• 27:16
  to
• 27:16
  change.
• 27:17
  But
• 27:17
  if
• 27:17
  we
• 27:17
  can
• 27:17
  agree
• 27:18
  that,
• 27:19
  yeah,
• 27:19
  you
• 27:20
  know,
• 27:20
  it's
• 27:20
  been
• 27:20
  a
• 27:20
  while
• 27:20
  since
• 27:21
  we've
• 27:21
  had
• 27:22
  sex
• 27:22
  that
• 27:22
  really
• 27:23
  felt
• 27:23
  exciting
• 27:24
  or
• 27:24
  passionate,
• 27:26
  then
• 27:27
  we've
• 27:27
  got
• 27:28
  a
• 27:28
  source
• 27:28
  of
• 27:28
  agreement.
• 27:29
  And
• 27:29
  now
• 27:29
  we
• 27:30
  can
• 27:30
  go
• 27:30
  from
• 27:30
  that
• 27:31
  agreement
• 27:32
  to,
• 27:32
  all
• 27:33
  right,
• 27:33
  how
• 27:33
  can
• 27:33
  we
• 27:34
  do
• 27:34
  the
• 27:34
  next
• 27:34
  thing
• 27:35
  that
• 27:35
  feels
• 27:36
  good
• 27:36
  for
• 27:36
  both
• 27:36
  of
• 27:37
  us?
• 27:37
  Not
• 27:37
  a
• 27:38
  giant
• 27:38
  leap,
• 27:39
  but
• 27:39
  we'll
• 27:39
  talk
• 27:40
  about,
• 27:40
  well,
• 27:40
  what
• 27:40
  have
• 27:40
  we
• 27:41
  been
• 27:41
  doing
• 27:42
  and
• 27:42
  what
• 27:43
  is
• 27:43
  something
• 27:43
  that
• 27:44
  maybe
• 27:44
  interests
• 27:45
  us
• 27:45
  or
• 27:46
  that
• 27:46
  we
• 27:46
  want
• 27:46
  to
• 27:47
  try?
• 27:48
  And
• 27:48
  if
• 27:48
  both
• 27:48
  people
• 27:49
  are
• 27:49
  willing
• 27:49
  and
• 27:50
  interested,
• 27:51
  then,
• 27:51
  you
• 27:52
  know,
• 27:52
  we
• 27:52
  take
• 27:52
  that
• 27:52
  next
• 27:53
  step
• 27:53
  and
• 27:53
  then
• 27:53
  we
• 27:54
  keep
• 27:54
  going
• 27:54
  forward.
• 27:55
  But
• 27:55
  small
• 27:56
  steps
• 27:56
  is
• 27:56
  the
• 27:56
  key.
• 27:58
  Love
• 27:58
  it.
• 27:59
  Love
• 27:59
  that
• 27:59
  advice.
• 28:00
  Absolutely.
• 28:01
  Well,
• 28:02
  perfect.
• 28:02
  Oh
• 28:03
  my
• 28:03
  gosh.
• 28:03
  I
• 28:03
  could
• 28:03
  go
• 28:03
  on
• 28:03
  and
• 28:04
  on.
• 28:04
  Do
• 28:04
  you
• 28:04
  have
• 28:04
  any
• 28:04
  other
• 28:04
  tips
• 28:05
  and
• 28:05
  tricks
• 28:05
  for
• 28:05
  us?
• 28:07
  I
• 28:08
  have
• 28:08
  as
• 28:08
  many
• 28:09
  as
• 28:10
  the
• 28:10
  couples
• 28:10
  that
• 28:11
  I've
• 28:11
  worked
• 28:11
  with.
• 28:11
  You
• 28:11
  know,
• 28:12
  I
• 28:12
  learned
• 28:12
  a
• 28:12
  lot
• 28:12
  of
• 28:12
  new
• 28:13
  things,
• 28:13
  things
• 28:13
  each
• 28:13
  day
• 28:14
  and
• 28:14
  that's,
• 28:14
  that's
• 28:15
  part
• 28:15
  of
• 28:15
  my
• 28:15
  enjoyment
• 28:16
  for
• 28:16
  this
• 28:16
  work
• 28:17
  is
• 28:17
  that,
• 28:17
  you
• 28:18
  know,
• 28:18
  couples
• 28:18
  will
• 28:18
  come
• 28:19
  in
• 28:19
  and
• 28:19
  they'll
• 28:20
  say,
• 28:20
  you
• 28:20
  know,
• 28:20
  we,
• 28:21
  we
• 28:21
  tried
• 28:21
  it
• 28:21
  this
• 28:22
  way
• 28:22
  or
• 28:22
  we're
• 28:23
  in
• 28:23
  this
• 28:23
  situation
• 28:24
  and,
• 28:24
  and
• 28:24
  we
• 28:24
  work
• 28:25
  through
• 28:25
  it
• 28:25
  together.
• 28:26
  So
• 28:26
  I've
• 28:26
  got
• 28:26
  a
• 28:26
  lot
• 28:27
  of
• 28:27
  tips
• 28:27
  and
• 28:27
  tricks
• 28:28
  that
• 28:28
  I've
• 28:28
  picked
• 28:28
  up
• 28:28
  over
• 28:29
  the
• 28:29
  years.
• 28:29
  Oh,
• 28:30
  I
• 28:30
  can
• 28:30
  only,
• 28:30
  I
• 28:31
  can
• 28:31
  only
• 28:31
  imagine.
• 28:31
  But
• 28:32
  I
• 28:32
  mean,
• 28:32
  you
• 28:32
  do
• 28:32
  great
• 28:33
  work.
• 28:33
  You
• 28:33
  do.
• 28:33
  Absolutely.
• 28:34
  Do
• 28:34
  you
• 28:34
  work
• 28:34
  mostly
• 28:35
  in
• 28:35
  an
• 28:35
  office?
• 28:35
  Do
• 28:35
  you
• 28:36
  do
• 28:36
  remote?
• 28:36
  How
• 28:36
  do
• 28:36
  you
• 28:37
  work
• 28:37
  primarily?
• 28:38
  Dr.
• 28:38
  Daniel?
• 28:39
  Yeah,
• 28:39
  absolutely.
• 28:40
  So
• 28:40
  all
• 28:40
  of
• 28:40
  the
• 28:40
  work
• 28:40
  that
• 28:41
  I
• 28:41
  do
• 28:41
  is
• 28:41
  remote.
• 28:42
  It's
• 28:42
  online.
• 28:43
  I've
• 28:43
  lived
• 28:44
  in
• 28:44
  several
• 28:44
  different
• 28:45
  states,
• 28:45
  so
• 28:46
  I'm
• 28:46
  a
• 28:46
  licensed
• 28:47
  clinical
• 28:48
  social
• 28:48
  worker
• 28:49
  in
• 28:49
  Illinois,
• 28:50
  Colorado,
• 28:52
  Florida
• 28:52
  and
• 28:53
  North
• 28:53
  Carolina.
• 28:54
  So
• 28:54
  if
• 28:54
  any
• 28:55
  of
• 28:55
  your
• 28:55
  listeners
• 28:55
  are
• 28:56
  in
• 28:56
  those
• 28:56
  states,
• 28:57
  they
• 28:57
  can
• 28:57
  reach
• 28:57
  out
• 28:58
  to
• 28:58
  me
• 28:58
  and
• 28:58
  can
• 28:59
  work
• 28:59
  with
• 28:59
  them
• 28:59
  either
• 29:00
  one
• 29:00
  on
• 29:00
  one
• 29:01
  or
• 29:01
  as
• 29:01
  part
• 29:01
  of
• 29:02
  their
• 29:02
  couple.
• 29:03
  About
• 29:03
  two
• 29:04
  thirds
• 29:04
  of
• 29:04
  the
• 29:05
  sessions
• 29:05
  that
• 29:05
  I
• 29:06
  do
• 29:06
  are
• 29:06
  with
• 29:06
  couples
• 29:07
  and
• 29:07
  I
• 29:08
  do
• 29:08
  some
• 29:08
  individual
• 29:09
  therapy
• 29:09
  work.
• 29:10
  And
• 29:10
  then
• 29:10
  the
• 29:11
  signature
• 29:12
  program
• 29:12
  that
• 29:12
  we
• 29:13
  mentioned,
• 29:14
  the
• 29:14
  Intimacy
• 29:15
  Shift,
• 29:15
  and
• 29:15
  that's
• 29:16
  the
• 29:16
  landing
• 29:16
  page
• 29:17
  for
• 29:17
  the
• 29:17
  website,
• 29:17
  the
• 29:18
  intimacy
• 29:18
  shift.com.
• 29:20
  and
• 29:20
  that's
• 29:21
  a
• 29:21
  12
• 29:21
  week
• 29:22
  program
• 29:22
  where
• 29:23
  you
• 29:23
  can
• 29:23
  live
• 29:23
  anywhere
• 29:24
  in
• 29:24
  the
• 29:24
  world
• 29:24
  and
• 29:24
  participate
• 29:25
  in
• 29:25
  that
• 29:26
  program.
• 29:26
  It's
• 29:27
  not
• 29:27
  therapy,
• 29:28
  it's
• 29:28
  an
• 29:28
  educational
• 29:29
  program
• 29:30
  where
• 29:30
  week
• 29:30
  by
• 29:31
  week
• 29:31
  we're
• 29:31
  doing
• 29:32
  skill
• 29:32
  building.
• 29:33
  And
• 29:33
  I'm
• 29:34
  going
• 29:34
  through
• 29:34
  all
• 29:34
  of
• 29:35
  the
• 29:35
  tips
• 29:35
  and
• 29:35
  tricks
• 29:36
  that
• 29:36
  I'm
• 29:36
  talking
• 29:36
  about
• 29:37
  today.
• 29:37
  I'm
• 29:37
  teaching
• 29:38
  how
• 29:38
  to
• 29:38
  apply
• 29:39
  those
• 29:39
  skills
• 29:40
  one
• 29:40
  week
• 29:41
  at
• 29:41
  a
• 29:41
  time
• 29:41
  to
• 29:42
  get
• 29:42
  your
• 29:42
  relationship
• 29:43
  from
• 29:44
  a
• 29:44
  place
• 29:44
  of
• 29:45
  conflict
• 29:45
  or
• 29:45
  complacency
• 29:47
  to
• 29:47
  a
• 29:47
  place
• 29:47
  of
• 29:47
  connection
• 29:48
  and
• 29:48
  healthy
• 29:49
  intimacy.
• 29:51
  So
• 29:51
  you
• 29:51
  don't
• 29:51
  go,
• 29:52
  ugh,
• 29:52
  to
• 29:52
  good.
• 29:54
  That's
• 29:55
  a
• 29:55
  great
• 29:55
  way
• 29:55
  to
• 29:55
  explain
• 29:56
  it
• 29:56
  too.
• 29:56
  Yeah,
• 29:56
  absolutely.
• 29:58
  Well,
• 29:58
  that
• 29:58
  sounds
• 29:59
  great.
• 29:59
  And
• 29:59
  I
• 30:00
  will
• 30:00
  put,
• 30:00
  obviously
• 30:01
  put
• 30:01
  all
• 30:01
  these
• 30:02
  links
• 30:02
  in
• 30:02
  the
• 30:02
  show
• 30:03
  notes
• 30:03
  so
• 30:03
  people
• 30:03
  can
• 30:03
  find
• 30:04
  you
• 30:04
  and
• 30:04
  everything
• 30:04
  else.
• 30:05
  Now
• 30:05
  I
• 30:05
  want
• 30:06
  to.
• 30:06
  I
• 30:06
  mean,
• 30:06
  I
• 30:06
  could
• 30:07
  literally
• 30:07
  talk
• 30:07
  to
• 30:07
  you
• 30:07
  all
• 30:08
  day
• 30:08
  long.
• 30:08
  I'm
• 30:08
  sitting
• 30:08
  here
• 30:09
  and
• 30:09
  I'm
• 30:09
  like
• 30:09
  thinking
• 30:10
  of
• 30:10
  all
• 30:10
  the
• 30:10
  people
• 30:10
  that
• 30:10
  are
• 30:11
  like,
• 30:11
  well,
• 30:11
  I
• 30:11
  need
• 30:11
  to
• 30:11
  do
• 30:11
  this
• 30:12
  and
• 30:12
  I
• 30:12
  need
• 30:12
  to
• 30:12
  do
• 30:12
  that.
• 30:13
  And
• 30:13
  you
• 30:13
  know,
• 30:14
  and,
• 30:14
  and
• 30:14
  just
• 30:15
  the.
• 30:15
  I
• 30:16
  mean,
• 30:16
  you're
• 30:16
  a
• 30:16
  licensed
• 30:17
  counselor.
• 30:18
  I
• 30:18
  am
• 30:18
  not.
• 30:19
  I've
• 30:20
  been
• 30:20
  married
• 30:21
  one
• 30:21
  time
• 30:21
  for
• 30:21
  five
• 30:22
  years
• 30:22
  and
• 30:22
  one
• 30:23
  time
• 30:23
  for
• 30:23
  25
• 30:23
  years.
• 30:24
  So
• 30:24
  you
• 30:24
  can.
• 30:24
  There
• 30:25
  was
• 30:25
  definitely
• 30:25
  some
• 30:25
  shifts
• 30:26
  from
• 30:26
  the
• 30:26
  first
• 30:26
  one
• 30:27
  to
• 30:27
  the
• 30:27
  second
• 30:27
  One.
• 30:29
  So.
• 30:30
  But
• 30:31
  what's.
• 30:32
  If
• 30:32
  you
• 30:32
  could
• 30:32
  give
• 30:32
  people
• 30:33
  out
• 30:34
  there
• 30:34
  listening
• 30:35
  one
• 30:35
  piece
• 30:36
  of
• 30:36
  advice
• 30:36
  or
• 30:37
  something,
• 30:38
  just
• 30:38
  your
• 30:39
  big
• 30:39
  picture,
• 30:40
  what
• 30:40
  would
• 30:40
  it
• 30:40
  be?
• 30:41
  Advice.
• 30:43
  Yeah.
• 30:43
  Yeah.
• 30:44
  So
• 30:44
  we've
• 30:44
  gone
• 30:45
  lots
• 30:45
  of
• 30:45
  tips
• 30:45
  and
• 30:46
  tricks
• 30:46
  along
• 30:46
  the
• 30:46
  way.
• 30:47
  And
• 30:47
  the
• 30:48
  number
• 30:48
  one
• 30:48
  thing
• 30:49
  that,
• 30:49
  you
• 30:50
  know,
• 30:50
  I
• 30:50
  want
• 30:50
  people
• 30:51
  to
• 30:51
  hear
• 30:51
  and
• 30:52
  to
• 30:52
  think
• 30:52
  about
• 30:53
  today
• 30:53
  is
• 30:54
  that
• 30:54
  they
• 30:54
  are
• 30:54
  often
• 30:55
  one
• 30:55
  deep
• 30:56
  breath
• 30:56
  away
• 30:57
  from
• 30:57
  their
• 30:57
  situation
• 30:59
  getting
• 30:59
  better.
• 31:01
  So
• 31:01
  just
• 31:02
  taking
• 31:02
  that
• 31:02
  moment.
• 31:03
  I
• 31:03
  know
• 31:04
  so
• 31:04
  many
• 31:04
  times
• 31:05
  I
• 31:05
  have
• 31:05
  said
• 31:05
  something
• 31:06
  before,
• 31:07
  I've
• 31:07
  taken
• 31:07
  that
• 31:08
  deep
• 31:08
  breath
• 31:08
  and
• 31:08
  gotten
• 31:09
  myself
• 31:09
  in
• 31:09
  big
• 31:10
  trouble,
• 31:11
  or
• 31:11
  I
• 31:12
  have
• 31:12
  done
• 31:12
  something,
• 31:13
  you
• 31:13
  know,
• 31:13
  I've
• 31:13
  done
• 31:14
  some
• 31:14
  kind
• 31:14
  of
• 31:14
  action
• 31:15
  that
• 31:15
  has
• 31:15
  hurt
• 31:15
  somebody.
• 31:17
  And,
• 31:17
  you
• 31:17
  know,
• 31:18
  I
• 31:18
  every
• 31:19
  day
• 31:19
  try
• 31:19
  to
• 31:20
  remind
• 31:20
  myself
• 31:20
  this
• 31:21
  and
• 31:21
  remind
• 31:21
  everyone
• 31:22
  I
• 31:22
  work
• 31:22
  with.
• 31:22
  You
• 31:22
  know,
• 31:22
  we're
• 31:23
  one
• 31:23
  deep
• 31:24
  breath
• 31:24
  away
• 31:24
  from
• 31:24
  things
• 31:25
  getting
• 31:25
  better.
• 31:26
  Taking
• 31:26
  that
• 31:26
  moment
• 31:27
  to
• 31:27
  pause
• 31:28
  before
• 31:29
  saying
• 31:30
  the
• 31:30
  thing
• 31:31
  that
• 31:31
  you
• 31:31
  really
• 31:32
  want
• 31:32
  to
• 31:32
  say
• 31:32
  but
• 31:33
  is
• 31:33
  going
• 31:33
  to
• 31:33
  make
• 31:33
  it
• 31:33
  worse
• 31:34
  or
• 31:35
  doing
• 31:35
  the
• 31:35
  thing
• 31:36
  that
• 31:36
  is
• 31:36
  going
• 31:37
  to
• 31:37
  make
• 31:37
  it
• 31:37
  worse,
• 31:38
  not
• 31:38
  better.
• 31:39
  I
• 31:40
  absolutely
• 31:40
  love
• 31:40
  that.
• 31:41
  That
• 31:41
  is
• 31:42
  one
• 31:42
  of
• 31:42
  my
• 31:42
  biggest
• 31:43
  tips
• 31:43
  for
• 31:44
  people
• 31:44
  as
• 31:44
  well.
• 31:44
  In
• 31:45
  just
• 31:45
  what
• 31:45
  I
• 31:45
  do.
• 31:45
  I'm
• 31:46
  like,
• 31:46
  before
• 31:46
  you
• 31:47
  react,
• 31:48
  just
• 31:48
  one
• 31:48
  deep
• 31:49
  breath.
• 31:49
  Because
• 31:50
  I
• 31:50
  would
• 31:50
  say,
• 31:51
  especially
• 31:51
  when
• 31:51
  you're
• 31:51
  in
• 31:51
  a
• 31:52
  crisis
• 31:52
  situation,
• 31:53
  8
• 31:53
  out
• 31:53
  of
• 31:53
  10
• 31:53
  times,
• 31:54
  if
• 31:54
  you
• 31:54
  take
• 31:54
  that
• 31:55
  deep
• 31:55
  breath,
• 31:55
  what
• 31:55
  comes
• 31:56
  out
• 31:56
  of
• 31:56
  your
• 31:56
  mouth
• 31:56
  is
• 31:56
  not
• 31:57
  what
• 31:57
  would
• 31:57
  have
• 31:58
  before
• 31:58
  the
• 31:58
  deep
• 31:59
  breath.
• 32:00
  It's
• 32:00
  so
• 32:01
  beneficial.
• 32:02
  Thank
• 32:02
  you
• 32:02
  so
• 32:02
  much.
• 32:02
  I
• 32:02
  haven't
• 32:03
  had
• 32:03
  anybody
• 32:03
  give
• 32:03
  that
• 32:04
  one
• 32:04
  yet,
• 32:04
  so
• 32:04
  that's
• 32:05
  great.
• 32:06
  Well,
• 32:06
  thank
• 32:06
  you
• 32:06
  so,
• 32:07
  so
• 32:07
  much,
• 32:07
  Dr.
• 32:07
  Dan,
• 32:08
  for
• 32:08
  coming
• 32:08
  on.
• 32:08
  I
• 32:08
  appreciate
• 32:09
  you.
• 32:11
  Yeah,
• 32:11
  me
• 32:11
  too.
• 32:12
  Thank
• 32:12
  you
• 32:12
  for
• 32:12
  having
• 32:12
  me.
• 32:13
  Oh,
• 32:13
  yeah.
• 32:14
  And
• 32:14
  I
• 32:14
  think
• 32:14
  everybody
• 32:14
  is
• 32:15
  going
• 32:15
  to
• 32:15
  get
• 32:15
  lots
• 32:15
  of
• 32:15
  tips
• 32:16
  and
• 32:16
  tricks.
• 32:16
  And
• 32:16
  guys,
• 32:17
  check
• 32:17
  out
• 32:17
  the
• 32:17
  show
• 32:17
  notes,
• 32:18
  find
• 32:18
  out
• 32:18
  where
• 32:18
  to
• 32:19
  find
• 32:19
  Dr.
• 32:19
  Dan.
• 32:20
  You
• 32:20
  know,
• 32:20
  go
• 32:20
  out,
• 32:21
  listen
• 32:21
  to
• 32:21
  them,
• 32:21
  take
• 32:22
  the
• 32:22
  course.
• 32:22
  I
• 32:22
  mean,
• 32:23
  12
• 32:23
  weeks,
• 32:24
  12
• 32:24
  weeks
• 32:24
  to
• 32:24
  go
• 32:25
  from
• 32:25
  ugh
• 32:25
  to
• 32:26
  yay.
• 32:28
  It
• 32:28
  sounds
• 32:29
  like
• 32:29
  an
• 32:29
  amazing
• 32:29
  plan.
• 32:30
  So
• 32:31
  thank
• 32:31
  you,
• 32:31
  everybody.
• 32:32
  For
• 32:32
  everybody
• 32:32
  else
• 32:33
  out
• 32:33
  there
• 32:33
  listening.
• 32:34
  Doesn't
• 32:34
  matter.
• 32:35
  As
• 32:35
  always,
• 32:35
  it
• 32:36
  doesn't
• 32:36
  matter
• 32:36
  how
• 32:36
  long
• 32:37
  you've
• 32:37
  been
• 32:37
  in
• 32:37
  this
• 32:37
  situation
• 32:38
  that
• 32:38
  you're
• 32:38
  in.
• 32:39
  If
• 32:39
  you're
• 32:39
  in
• 32:39
  a
• 32:39
  complacent
• 32:40
  situation,
• 32:40
  if
• 32:41
  you're.
• 32:41
  If
• 32:41
  you're
• 32:41
  not
• 32:42
  in
• 32:42
  that
• 32:43
  intimate
• 32:43
  situation
• 32:44
  anymore
• 32:44
  with
• 32:44
  your
• 32:45
  partner,
• 32:45
  spouse,
• 32:46
  whatever
• 32:46
  it
• 32:46
  is,
• 32:47
  there's
• 32:48
  always
• 32:48
  a
• 32:49
  better
• 32:49
  tomorrow.
• 32:50
  Always.
• 32:51
  Always.
• 32:51
  If
• 32:51
  you
• 32:52
  want
• 32:52
  it
• 32:52
  to
• 32:52
  be
• 32:52
  different,
• 32:53
  you
• 32:53
  can
• 32:53
  always
• 32:54
  change
• 32:54
  it.
• 32:54
  So
• 32:55
  thank
• 32:55
  you.
• 32:55
  You
• 32:55
  all
• 32:56
  have
• 32:56
  a
• 32:56
  blessed
• 32:56
  day,
• 32:57
  and
• 32:57
  we
• 32:57
  will
• 32:57
  see
• 32:57
  you
• 32:58
  back
• 32:58
  next
• 32:58
  week.
• 32:59
  Bye.