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Jayne O'Hara: I Prayed While Holding a Beer · Why I Believe

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome back to Why I Believe.
• 0:03
  I'm your host, Michelle Von Ruden, and today I have with me Jane O'Hare.
• 0:07
  How are you today, Jane?
• 0:09
  very well thank you how are you
• 0:12
  I'm doing great, thanks.
• 0:13
  Can you just give our audience a brief introduction to you?
• 0:18
  Sure, I am, as you stated, Jane O'Hara.
• 0:22
  I am a Christian life coach working in trauma recovery and I have been in women's ministry for seven, eight years now, mainly coaching, mentoring, doing Bible studies and leading
• 0:37
  women's ministry.
• 0:40
  wow, so I'm sure you've seen a lot of things, but you've experienced a couple things yourself too, haven't you?
• 0:44
  Absolutely.
• 0:48
  So one of the things that I know about you is that you had a struggle with alcohol abuse, is that correct?
• 0:56
  Yeah, can you tell us a little bit about that and how faith brought you out of that?
• 1:00
  Sure.
• 1:01
  ah I was introduced to alcohol at a very young age and it's a generational thing in my family.
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  There's like five generations of alcoholics and one of the immediate things God did in my very first prayer, and this may be a little controversial to some, but my very first
• 1:24
  prayer was prayed while holding a beer.
• 1:27
  Mmm.
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  And I just said, I don't know if you want me, God, I don't have much for you, but here I am.
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  And from that moment, I had no desire.
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  I set that beer down, never picked up another one.
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  But what God then needed to do was change my mindset.
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  So he healed my heart, but I still thought like an alcoholic.
• 1:54
  the secret.
• 1:55
  oh
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  You know, just the secrets, the maladaptive behaviors, like, you know, what happens when you get upset?
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  You try to run and hide.
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  And if you don't have that crutch anymore, what do you do?
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  You start to isolate, you might get more depressed because you don't know how to process emotions.
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  So what God taught me about was walking through emotions and processing.
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  So if I did have a trigger moment, I can say, that's a trigger.
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  Thank you, God.
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  And then go through the steps.
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  So it was, I see it as a immediate deliverance and then a miraculous recovery.
• 2:42
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 2:43
  To break five generations, I think that's definitely worthy of, ah you know, God imparting His self onto you, right?
• 2:55
  What made you decide to have that to ask for help and to say here, here I am, take me as I am?
• 3:01
  What made you decide to do that?
• 3:05
  I was at the end of me and I had people, God orchestrated people in my life that were ministering to me that I called them the crazy Christians that just kept saying, yo, God
• 3:19
  loves you, God loves you.
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  And I'm like, whatever.
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  And, but there were those that kept speaking it.
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  And the one thing that stood out was a neighbor of mine.
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  who was going through a lot of difficulty, but she had such peace.
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  And it was something I never had.
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  I never walked with peace.
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  I never had contentment.
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  And I was jealous of it.
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  And I remember just thinking, how do people get that?
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  You know, they're just like, oh, the house is on fire.
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  Thank you, Jesus, for keeping me safe.
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  It's like, what on earth?
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  And it really, it came down to that.
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  It's like, I want that piece.
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  Yeah, and that's beautiful.
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  And I think so many people, they really truly surrender to Jesus, right, they get that peace.
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  Now, it doesn't feel like it does on day one every day, right?
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  Like, nope, it doesn't feel that way every day, but you know it's there.
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  Yeah.
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  you cultivate that relationship with God and then you realize that even in a storm I've learned how to breathe and that breath is just Jesus I lay it down no matter what the
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  storm is.
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  lay it at his feet.
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  Yeah, absolutely.
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  It really helps reduce your anxiety too.
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  Yeah, it does, it really does, because just getting that out, right?
• 5:01
  But I also know that you also have a daughter, correct?
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  Yeah.
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  two daughters and one son, so three total.
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  So we have three total.
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  All right.
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  But there's one that you had mentioned when we had chatted about struggling with her having autism.
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  And I'm curious, before we jump into that story, were you still drinking when you had the kids or was that something you'd stopped before you had the children?
• 5:28
  No, I had my children at that time.
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  Yeah.
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  And did that play into maybe part of the drinking?
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  I mean, being a parent is stressful, right?
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  Like that is the most stressful.
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  Yeah.
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  so my oldest child has autism and bipolar and then my youngest child has autism.
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  So when my youngest child was diagnosed with autism, I had no coping skills.
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  And I pretty much went to bed for a year to be perfectly transparent and went, I don't know how to do these people because these people need things I'm not equipped to give
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  them.
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  Braids.
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  And so it was a struggle and fortunately I had friends that wouldn't let me stay in bed.
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  They didn't go about it in the best way but it was like suck it up buttercup you had them you deal with it and I kind of needed that at the time.
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  Very tough.
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  Yeah.
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  And were you doing this solo or did you have somebody parenting with you?
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah, that's tough for any parent and then you add in some extra needs onto that and it's, yeah.
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  But something changed with your daughter, right?
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  And I don't know if it was the youngest or the oldest.
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  youngest.
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  youngest.
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  Okay, do you want to tell us her story?
• 6:55
  I would love to tell you her story.
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  love her testimony.
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  So she was diagnosed at age five, six in there and was, we were at that time given this whole list of nevers.
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  You know, she would never talk, never be potty trained.
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  She's never going to have reciprocal conversation, reciprocal love.
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  You're just going to take care of this infant.
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  And that was pretty devastating for me, but
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  We did everything that we knew how to do.
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  We had her in therapies.
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  We did all that and then got her as far as in the natural realm we could get her.
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  At the point of her transformation She still wore headphones because she couldn't do noise if you touched her she would bite um She did not like touch I could touch her but that was
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  it um She was potty trained took us till 9, but praise God she was potty trained and Anyway, we had gone into a new denomination a different church and didn't think much of
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  it.
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  Just looking for more intimacy
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  something different and we were there about six weeks and she said, can I dance?
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  And I thought, well, if that's not the oddest thing in the world, but go for it, you know, and she started worshiping and through the course of her worship, things started to
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  happen.
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  And I say she danced herself into the throne room of God and there came a point.
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  in time where God took her to a new level of intimacy with him and she was just weeping and crying and in the presence of God and the next day at church she says I got to be
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  baptized I'm like hmm pastor's gotta touch you pastor's gotta put you in the water and anybody with special needs kids knows this is like full mama bear mode you know I don't
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  need a meltdown
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  And she just said, I have to be baptized.
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  So I went to the pastor and I said, Moo has to be baptized.
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  And he said, let's go for it.
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  So that night she was baptized.
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  and she ended up taking her headphones and handing them to a little girl with downs going, I don't need these.
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  And then it was a couple weeks later, her brother was baptized and we had spent the whole night just worshiping and dancing and praising because all three of my kids had been
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  baptized.
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  Yeah.
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  the end of that night, she just said, I got to hug somebody.
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  And she ran through the church and she was squeezing everybody, loving on everybody.
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  And it was like this amazing breakthrough had happened.
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  And not just in her spirit, but also in her academic ability.
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  She had jumped academically 18 months and six months.
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  Wow.
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  at her IEP meeting, her teacher was like, you know, our kids don't do this.
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  They don't excel.
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  And I said, but she went into the throne room of God.
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  And man may say no, but God says yes.
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  And he's the physician and he's taken her to levels that we could have never, ever imagined.
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  That's so beautiful.
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  So how are the kids doing now?
• 10:28
  very good they're all grown they're doing well she's still a hugger i actually had to have a little talk that you know just because people look sad at walmart doesn't mean you gotta
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  give them a hug we don't hug everybody so you know but it is so amazing when
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  God can touch and she has a ministry.
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  She loves seniors.
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  She loves to just do what they need most, which is love on them.
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  Yeah, from having a list of nevers to going to this is just miraculous.
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  It's like, do not discount what God can do.
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  And that's what I tell moms when they're like, they have this or they, yeah, but let them get into the throne room.
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  Introduce them to God.
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  Yeah.
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  And is she still home with you?
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  Yeah, yeah.
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  That's good though.
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  Yeah.
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  that's fun.
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  So how do you continue to live that out every day?
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  mean, because I'm just listening to you and your voice just changed.
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  You got so excited.
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  I see I'm looking at you.
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  So I see the smile that comes across your face.
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  And how do you keep up?
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  Because again, we already said that peace that you get doesn't last every day.
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  It's not this you don't feel the same every single day.
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  So how do you keep striving for that?
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  And what do you do to keep faith in alignment with your life?
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  The first thing is revisiting the old markers.
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  And one of the things David had said, you know, when I believe it was, I have to remember my Bible stories, but Amalekites, let's say they kidnapped his wife and the whole tribe
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  and everyone wanted to stone David.
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  And David went into the house of the Lord and he encouraged himself.
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  And I think when I read that, think how do we encourage ourselves daily?
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  We go back and we visit those markers.
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  I know a God who has delivered, who has set free, who has met me along the way.
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  And, you know, the word says God is not a man that he should lie nor the son of man that he should repent.
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  Has he not said it and will it not be or will he not do it?
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  So that's kind of how my faith lives out every day.
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  You said it God and I believe it and I receive it and I'm waiting for it.
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  Yeah, I love it.
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  You said this earlier.
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  You said God is always on time and loves to not just show up, but show out.
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  Yeah.
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  And when you thought about that, when you think, when you say that, are you thinking about in terms of what, like with your daughter, with your healing or how do you use that?
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  And how do you see that now?
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  life.
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  mean, if you look at nature, if you look at the creative miracles of God, and then when you think of intimacy with God, one of the things I love flirting with God, you know, I
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  don't think we do that enough to just think of, oh my goodness, God, look at what you painted today.
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  Look at this sky.
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  Look at this.
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  Just where you're taking me, you know, it's like who would have thought a preacher would have come out of five generations of abuses and addictions and look at you, God.
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  You know, look at my never child excelling in life and serving in your kingdom.
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  That's showing up and showing out.
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  Absolutely.
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  So talk to us about your women's ministry.
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  you said, I mean, you're a, did you say preacher?
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  Yes, I have uh preached, teach, taught.
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  I have uh right now it's uh my focus, dual focus is my life coaching business where I work with women in trauma recovery and looking at not just the neurobiology of trauma, but how
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  God intended us to heal from trauma.
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  that we aren't meant to stay broken, but he has provided a way for us to recover our identity that was taken or lost along the way.
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  uh That's a big one.
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  And then writer, so I'm working on some books right now.
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  And so that's what I do.
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  Yeah, so that's how you keep the faith constant in front of you, Is through the things that you're working through.
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  Absolutely.
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  And you know, it's like when you see a woman who has been traumatized greatly and she's like frozen in herself, but then she becomes like this little butterfly breaking out of
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  the cocoon and you see them wings go and they're getting stronger and she begins to soar to places that nobody could have imagined.
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  It's like, look at God, you do amazing work.
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  Yeah.
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  And so how do you find time for all of this?
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  I mean, you have a lot on your plate.
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  I juggle.
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  I juggle a lot.
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  And it's what's important, know, and self-care is right up there in my top five.
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  Taking care of me and then just prioritizing.
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  And one of the things I think is so important is putting myself under counsel every day.
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  So I never have a to-do list.
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  I ask God, what am I doing today?
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  Am I doing outreach today?
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  Am I writing today?
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  What am I doing today?
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  So you're really leaning in all in and just letting him work through you.
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  Thy will be done.
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  You know, he has ordered my steps and I have to trust that.
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  Yeah.
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  What do you think the hardest thing for you to do is?
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  mean, because that's a lot to say, okay, I'm going to pray and I'm going to say, hey, give me my day and to trust in that and to do that consistently.
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  What do you find easy and what do you find hard about that?
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  Because I think we get lost there.
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  Right, I think one of the most difficult things about that is sometimes he's gonna stretch our capacity and he's gonna ask us to do things that are really uncomfortable.
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  And it's like, um just a very quick example, he had given me an assignment and it was hard.
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  And my first response was, whew, so glad I don't hear from the Lord.
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  Because I did not want to do it.
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  Did not want to do it.
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  But I'll.
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  The assignment when I had asked him with my kid's father, who was really abusive and whatnot, and I said, your word says love your enemy.
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  How do I love him?
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  And he said, clean his house.
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  I'm not going to clean his house.
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  But now a very abridged version at the end.
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  did.
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  And I did take care of him in his later years.
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  And the reward was when all was said and done, I was able to sit next to him at a table, hold his hands and pray a prayer of repentance.
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  That would have never happened had I not obeyed.
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  Yeah.
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  And it sounds like he's not with us anymore.
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  No.
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  No, he passed many years ago, but...
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  And then the easy part is like having them opportunities to go on a hike and just going being in nature.
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  Because that's what feeds my spirit is just being out and moving and seeing a bug and running.
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  Seeing a bug in running.
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  Okay, what bugs are we running from?
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  anything that crawls.
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  Okay, okay.
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  And you're in the forest.
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  Got it.
• 19:07
  Okay.
• 19:08
  uh It is, it is.
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  But I mean, if you feel comfort there, why wouldn't you go?
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  Yeah.
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  Because
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  being in nature and seeing that.
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  Just God's artwork in that.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah, I quit it to like, I mean, I am a hiker.
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  I love being out in nature too.
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  But I mean, sometimes those sunsets even just like, how could that even be?
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  And just looking at that and having that nature around you and really giving thanks.
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  And I think that's what you're talking about.
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  You said you called it flirting with God, right?
• 19:48
  But giving thanks for all the things, even when you don't think about it, because I think so often, and I've said this before, and I'll probably say it again, when bad times
• 20:00
  happen,
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  A lot of us follow our knees and pray, and especially believers, say, why, how, can you help me get me through this?
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  And then all of a sudden we get through it, and we say thank you, and then we're on a great streak, and we kind of just like forget about that, to say thank you for the day
• 20:20
  that you gave me.
• 20:22
  Right, because I think it's so easy.
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  But what I've noticed and what's really interesting is when I talk to people and not just people that are on the show, but people in general, when they go through a trauma, they
• 20:33
  either fall in to faith or fall out.
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  Right?
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  I think those are really the two paths.
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  You don't see anyone just kind of weave in and out.
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  You know, it's really like I'm all in or I'm not.
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  And you chose to be all in.
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  And did you grow up in that church or is that something you just made that choice that one day when you had that beer and you knew your life needed to change?
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  I did not.
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  I was in and out of the church, but it was mainly to get the candy.
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  We didn't grow up in a religious household.
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  But I also know that sometimes, know, faith is active.
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  Faith is radical.
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  And if I want to treat God like a sugar daddy, I'm not going to be able to withstand the storm.
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  But if I treat him as a father who's going to take care of me, even in a storm, faith is active.
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  Yes, that's good.
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  I mean, that's true.
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  So you have to practice daily.
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  That's a daily practice, not only for you, but for him to know that you're still there.
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  Right?
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  created for worship.
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  We are created for relationship.
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  And if we don't have God, then we're running around seeking anything to fill that void.
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  Yes, yes.
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  And I talk about that.
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  I talk about that with the high achievers that I work with that we consistently strive for the next thing because we fill that void and we don't know what to fill it with.
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  And not to switch this up, but I'll say I'm right there, right?
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  I was always chasing the next thing, the next thing.
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  And then...
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  when I finally surrendered, that piece that you get that washes over and you're like, okay, now I get it.
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  All those other things that I did to try to fill the void weren't necessary.
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  This is what I needed.
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  This is where I needed to be.
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  And it's, it's.
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  mercy at work.
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  You we have free will, but he puts in us that void to seek something greater than us, something that validates our existence.
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  Yeah, and we look in all the wrong places most of the time.
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  do, and that's where it's so important then to share our faith.
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  You I know what you're looking for.
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  The word says we are to have rivers of living water, you know, flow through our bellies.
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  Well, that's so we can refresh other people.
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  Not so we can, you know, just boast, ooh, I got the rivers.
• 23:23
  No, I need to freshen other people.
• 23:28
  Yeah, if there's one piece of advice that you would give to somebody who's searching and trying to figure out a way to get through, maybe not even trauma related, but just trying
• 23:36
  to find a way to get closer, what advice do you give them?
• 23:44
  introduce yourself and then give him time to introduce himself.
• 23:51
  You know, it's like, have we ever stopped and said, God, do you like this music?
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  Read a poem, God.
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  What do you think of that?
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  You know, invite him into our daily life, our conversation, because again, he's a relational God.
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  And sometimes we just need to stop.
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  I don't need to perform for him, I need to talk to him.
• 24:22
  Yeah, and listen.
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  Very much listen, I remember when I was at a crossroads in my life and I remember asking God is this all there is is This it to serving you.
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  I'm on the funeral committee the kitchen committee the prayer committee the Sunday school committee I clean the church I'd that is this all there is because What is this and he
• 24:48
  said no, I'm not even
• 24:51
  lows and that's when he took me on a journey of intimacy where he began to reveal himself to me.
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  Yeah.
• 25:05
  Well, thank you so much for being here.
• 25:07
  I want to end on one final note.
• 25:08
  What is your favorite Bible verse that you're walking with as we speak?
• 25:14
  Set a watch before my mouth, keep the door on my lips.
• 25:19
  Okay, where do we find that?
• 25:21
  You find that in Psalm, I believe it's 142.3 or it might be 143.2.
• 25:30
  Set a watch.
• 25:32
  That means, you know, and again, if we go to Proverbs, it says, life and death is in the power of the tongue and they that love it eat the fruits thereof.
• 25:39
  So, set a watch before my mouth that I am speaking life.
• 25:43
  I know you can heal.
• 25:44
  I know you can deliver.
• 25:46
  I know you can set free.
• 25:47
  I don't want to look at someone and say they are a hot mess.
• 25:51
  I want to look at them and say they are the Imago Dei in transformation.
• 25:57
  Yeah.
• 25:58
  I'm going look up that scripture and make sure I got it right.
• 26:02
  Because that would be horrible.
• 26:17
  141.3.
• 26:19
  I wasn't even close.
• 26:22
  141.3 for the win.
• 26:23
  Okay, got it.
• 26:25
  Well, Jane, it has been a pleasure getting to know you a little bit better, having you on here and sharing your story.
• 26:29
  And I thank you for being vulnerable and open to questions and for sharing your faith walk so that way others may find peace in their walk.
• 26:39
  Thank you so much for the invite.
• 26:43
  Thank you.
• 26:44
  Bye bye.