Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S1 Ep25: Why Lavell Crawford Embraces His Big and Bold Self 🤣

Transcript

S1 Ep25: Why Lavell Crawford Embraces His Big and Bold Self 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: I had weight loss surgery and so I don't get to eat like that no more.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: I miss all them foods, you know.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: I can only eat bites of that.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: I can eat a half a slice of pizza now, I can eat a half a burrito, but I come back.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: As soon as I take a shit, I come back.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: I have to release and come back and enjoy, you know.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, because I ain't nothing wrong with good eating.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: We live in America.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: We we take pictures of our food.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't never seen that bullshit before.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: My brother said, man, hold on, let me get a screenshot of this shit.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: I said, what?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: I said, boy, I feel fair.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry for people in poor country like Etiovia or somewhere like that.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: But they gotta take a picture of a bowl of rice.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Hold up, Bootu.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: Let me take a picture of this bowl of roaches.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, man.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: We just we we spoiled here.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: We got we got pizza with cheese in the crust.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: Now that's that's too fat.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's just ridiculous.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: But it's fantastic.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's so good.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you think the crust is done, you think right, I got a second meal here.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: You go to Little Caesar, you think they got it hot and ready for five dollars.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: You ain't gotta say nothing to nobody.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: Right there, give me five of them, let me get out of here.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: You can eat them in the car.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: They got a pizza wrapped in bacon.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: That is insane.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Why you need bacon around a pizza?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: And they said, why not?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: I said, uh ain't no reason to argue with that shit.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: United States, the only country got a show called My 600 Life, 600 Five Life, and it's been on for 15 states.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's a lot of fat fuckers on one show.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: How you find that many people wearing 600 damn pies?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Shit, I got up to 550.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't even make it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: I was trying.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, come on, buddy, you can do it.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I can't.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna stop right here.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: This is my breaking point.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: 555, that's all I can do.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, one more chicken wing.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I, you know, I know the best place to eat.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: I live, I live in LA for a while.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: LA got, you know, it's the best of all worlds, you know?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, for real.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: When it comes down to food, you know what I'm saying?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: You can eat hardly wrong for a minute, you can go eat all they got a place like Tommy Pascrami.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: You get 30 pounds of pascrami on one damn sandwich.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: You be like, damn, you want cheese on it?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: Is that rude?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: You can go to Whitman's fish and get you some fresh fish, you get it fried right there in front of you, even though that motherfucker be mean.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why black restaurants, hey, always looking you fucked up.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: Can I help you?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, yes, smile a little bit.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: While you're cooking my damn food.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what you want?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: I just want some fish.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: What kind?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, give me some caffeine.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: We ain't got no damn caffeine.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, well, won't you just tell me what you don't have?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I won't say that because it seems like I'm pissing you the fuck off.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: Black restaurants kill me anyway, man.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta go call a soul food restaurant.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta go on the right day to get what you want.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: They had a whole many oxtail, short reel, and fried chicken, but you gotta look at the dates.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, give me the short reel.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, does it look like Thursday?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't know.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Give me the mac and teeth.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Does it look like Sunday?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Look, lady, what can I have today?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: You can have the meatloaf.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even want no meatloaf, but you need to get the fuck out of here.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's all we got.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: And don't try to call your order into a black restaurant.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: That phone ring forever.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: You be sitting there like, God damn, are they closing?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's 11:30 in the morning.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Ring, ring, ring, ring.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Finally, somebody pick up hello.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, is this made me so fool?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, yes, it is.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I'd like to make a pickup order.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: All right, hold on.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, yeah, give me, give me the uh cabbage uh with some octet, uh, give me some rice and gravy with that and some yam, uh, and uh give me some fried okra.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on, man.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: I man, I don't even work here.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: Let me see if I can take it.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: The fuck you answering the phone for?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, some restaurants, I love Chinese food, but you call them motherfuckers, you don't know what they're saying.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: You might as well just go in.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, uh man, speak English.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: I asked for English.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: I know what the fuck was that other shit you said?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: So that's all.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Who the fuck are you talking to?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody else?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, LA, you can get you in California, you can get that authentic Mexican food.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I love Mexican food.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: That shit fire, you know.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: But they be trying to trick you to be the same food with a different name, you know.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like a butrito tortilla with meat and beans in it.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: An insulada tortilla with meat and beans, a chimney chunk of tortilla with meat and beans in it.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what the fuck is going on?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then I was like, fuck it, give me three of these.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the bad thing about like Mexican restaurants, they don't even have no restaurant.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: They be just cooking shit on that little hot grill right out in front of some building.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: They be right out in front of LA Fitness.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: You come out of there, yeah, yeah.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, talking you ain't saying you what you want, what you want, my man?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: My man, I got you, man.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, what you want?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: Give me five of them something, but he ain't got no help stick, he ain't got no help stickers, nothing.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: You don't give a fuck.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: He chopping that onion now.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: You like that onion?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Mexican is the one that helped me to the bacon wrapped hot dog.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: I never had man, man, I didn't know that existed.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: That was goddamn good, they gave me a damn hot dog, that motherfucker wrapped in the bacon.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I say, what is this crunch?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, bacon on it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, you motherfucking genius.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: And when you get a Mexican hot dog, they put all that shit in onions, tomatoes, they put all this motherfucking sauce and shit all over.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's so much shit on there.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: You can't you gotta eat it like you got on some dress clothes, get that.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: But it be so corn.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: Then they cook, then they do the corn the same way.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: You like, goddamn, man, they're on corn, who the fuck ever heard of this?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: I said, give me four of them though.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: Motherfucker have them in a cooler.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: It'd be one the cooler be one side hot, one side cold.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: You got orange and grape fago in that motherfucker.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: I said, I didn't even know they make fago anymore.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: And they the one that told me that you can eat hot sauce on fruit.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: They put that hot chile on them, too.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: I said, What a man, I don't want chili on your water.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Who the fuck try it?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Try it, you don't know.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, shit, this is fire.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: My tongue's burning like a sun, bitch.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's quenching it and burning it at the same time.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: Try it.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and in authentic Mexican, you can eat it and your stomach be alright, but I fucked up and tried Taco Bell, and that is not authentic Mexican by no meaning.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Oh, you should have told me that earlier.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: I fucked up and got two burrito supreme, and I took a bite of it right at the drive-thru window, and then all of a sudden the countdown came.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: Five, four, three.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: My son said, you better find somewhere.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: I had to get out of the car and just shit in the parking lot.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, that poor homeless guy is shitting in the parking lot.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and that ain't the worst time, though.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: The worst time, I I I I had eight taco bells.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: I said, fuck it, I don't even know why I got it in the airport.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: But I fucked up and grabbed some.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: It was the only one open.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, fuck it, let me get some.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I was knocking them out, and my plane was about to board, so I got on that bitch.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: But it was a short flight.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: I thought I could make it to Las Vegas, LA, and be okay.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but as soon as I sat down, put my seatbelt on, the countdown is done.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: And that flight from LA to Las Vegas about 28 minutes, boo.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: We're about to make our final descent into the Las Vegas area.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, man, we'll be landing about 25 minutes.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: Can you make it about 15?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm trying to clutch, I'm trying to keep my ass tight.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm letting out fork chunks like, like, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, hoping that would take it away, you know.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: No, it was hanging in there.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then the finally came over to any kind of uh attention in the in the cabin.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, there's a plane on the tarmac, and they have a weather system coming in, so we're gonna have to fly in a holding pattern.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: I said, No, no, you can't do that to me.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna be in a holding pattern, but I don't have no holding pattern.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: I said, fuck it.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Stuart, I get up.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: Can I get up and go to the bathroom?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: She said, so you had to sit in your seat just in case of dirt.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck the turbulence.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: I was knocking shit down.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: I knocked it, baby, out of this lady arm.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm knocking books and shit.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm spinning off of old people.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I get to the damn, I get to the toilet, and you know them toilets little shit, you know.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: And back then I was wearing 555, and I see why they call it a laboratory because you gotta be a fucking scientist to figure out how I'm gonna get all this ass in that little ass top.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: And my stomach is making more sound like a ghost came in that bitch.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, I had to do something.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: The only idea I came up with is to pull my pants down and aim my ass in the door and let it let it ricochet out the mirror.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I said, I can't do that.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: People want to use this restroom and I want to get sued.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I just I just took off my clothes outside the laboratory.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: People were so disgusted.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, God, I don't want to look at this.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: He's butt-necked and he has the nerve to have a thong on.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: And it's on crooked.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: It looked like his booty smiling at me.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: I said, bitch, them ain't that's not a thong, that's regular underwear.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I oozed into the bathroom, good, I would sweat so I could have some lubrication.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: I slid in that something, bitch, and I tucked my feet in, and I got in that little toilet, and I sat down and I and I let out, I let out one warning for it.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: It sounded like a couple of the ghosts came out.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: It sounded like I had Luther Van Dross in my ass.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, authentic Mexican, when you see it, it come out just regular, like blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Back, then it has a little meeting.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: Taco Bell come out like you got a 12 gauge in your ass.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh my God, cacao.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, please.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_02: And that fire sauce was hitting the tip of my booty ring.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, heavy father, please let some of that cool, cool water splash up on my booty hole to give me some relief.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Cacao! Cacao! I said, how many shells do I have?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: I shit so much Taco Bell.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: Next thing I heard, bing on bing.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: I said, oh my god, I must have ate the bell.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought I had the door secured and closed so none of the smell could get out.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: But when I came out of that toilet trying to put my clothes on, it was a man dead right by the door.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: And people just looking at me in astonishment, like, why did you wait till you got on the plane to do such a thing?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: You knew you ate Taco Bell.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: We could hear the shotgun shells from the door.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: You could have shit at the airport.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: Are you mad at somebody on the plane?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Are you a terrorist or something?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: You sure you're not a terrorist?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: You go around fucking up toilets all over the country.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: You killed this lady baby up here.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oxygen mask came down and everything.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: We had to open up the door on the plane.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: You ain't supposed to do that at 30,000 feet.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: I hate you.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: I hate you for real.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's all in my clothes.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: I can almost taste that.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Finally, come over there and kind of attention and coach.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: We know this is a non-smoking flight, but you're welcome to light up now.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Marijuana, crack cocaine, heroin, whatever the fuck you got.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: If somebody got a barbecue rib, please cook a rib.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: Get this fucking smell out of here.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: And you fat bastard who shit in that toilet, sit out on the wing and air the fuck out.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: I sat out there and ate my last burrito supreme.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: I had to stop smoking weed because I had too many food fantasies.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: I thought of some genius ass shit when I used to get high.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: I used to smoke it like they needed to do.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: They need to take a Krispy Kreme donut while it's still hot and inject it with some saucer ice cream.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: So you got that hot and cold messing together, and you bite it through that sunbitch.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: But I ate like a king at that sunbit, though.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: I was eating uh and all that fine food, that's when you get fat with fine food.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, McDonald's isn't just throw away calories, you know.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: You fuck up there, but you know, it's the it's the thing about it.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: I used to go to McDonald's when, you know, the back of the day when that value meal first came out.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Me and my cousin, me and my cousin used to go, you know, she's a big girl too.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: And we used to ride it, I had a Ford Pentrel.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's something bitch.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's something raggedy as hell.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's something.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: You ever have a car that you turn off and it's still running?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: Kackle, cackle, cackle, cackling, cackling, caca, cackling.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: You turn it off, I gotta turn it off and turn it back on.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: So you turn it off and then take the battery cable off and put it back on.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody tried to steal my car, they're like, Man, it ain't going nowhere.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: How you turn it off, it'll still run.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Don't try to steal it.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: You regret it, alright?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, but it didn't use no gas.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what it ran on.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: I think it ran on the Holy Spirit.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even know.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: And that's something with smoke like it.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: It smoked like I'm in a war zone.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's something.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: Some people thought it was on fire with so much smoke on that son bitch.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: And me and my cousin, we go to McDonald's.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's when they first came off that value man.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, she was chunky, I'm chunky too.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: We drive up that bus.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: We pulled up to the inner car.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: And they came over the other car.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, could you please turn your radio down?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: We can't hear you.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: I said, it's not my radio, that's my car.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: Let me turn it off and on and remove the battery cable.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: How can we help you?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: I said, yes, you know.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: I was like three double cheeseburgers and two Big Macs, please.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Because I take the double cheeseburger and I take the meat off the double cheeseburger and I put them on the Big Mac so it could be an ultimate Big Mac.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I keep and I keep the wrappers from the cheeseburger because it had that excess cheese on there.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know what it is about that cheeseburger, the wrapper, man.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: That motherfucker be did.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: One time I ate it and I almost choked on the paper.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, and I said, I was like, three writing fries.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, where's the writing fry?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh, uh, you don't know what a writing fry is?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Well, for those that don't know what a writing fry is, we know how you get your fries with your meal, and you're driving home and you're steady eating the fries, and by the time you get to the house, there's no fries left.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: Now you have no fries to eat with your birdie.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I live like about 20 minutes from my house.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: So I needed approximately three riding fries.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: And then I ordered my food.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: She said, Would that be all?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: I said, yes, give me a small diet coke, please.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: And then my cousin, my cousin, she big girl, but she tried to be dainty, you know.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: I got another order.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: What you want, cousin?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna say, yes, I was like three eight-piece McNuggets, please.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: I say, why don't you get a 24?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't eat like that.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: I said, all right, I ain't gonna argue with you.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: And a reckless fryer and a dyed sprite with a small water, please.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And what's getting the lady said, what kind of sauce?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Give me a barbecue, uh, uh, a sweetened towel, and one ketchup.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: So we said, okay, that'll be uh back then, it was cheap then, 1395, drive around to the window.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: I said, okay, I gotta put my battery cable back on, and I gotta stop my car and turn it off and start it back, but I'll be around it in about five minutes.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: I put the battery cable on.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Boom, boom, man.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: And some smoke went inside the drive-through window.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: Man, I think I almost killed everybody.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: They came to the window, coughing.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Here's your order saying, Thank you for coming, Matt Island.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I was about to pull off, and my cousin said, hold on, cuz.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Before you pull off, check your bag and make sure your order right.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: You pull off, they'll get amnesia like you ain't, like you did order.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: I said, cuz you said some real shit right there.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: So I pulled over and I looked at my bag, I went, double cheeseburger, check, double cheeseburger, check it, check, double cheeseburger, check, check, check, big back, check, other big man, check it, check.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right and fry run, check, riding fry tooth, check, fries come with the meal, check it in, check, dicho, cuz my shit here, check your order.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: My cousin went to her box, and he looking at her, eight, eight, and she got to that last box, and it was six McNuggi and two little nugget it's it wasn't even no meat in it, it was just two little crumbs in that shit, and my cousin snapped, hell no, hell motherfucking not.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Pull around the front.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Fool around the motherfucking front.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Pull around the front.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I'm trying, let me stop the car, put the battery cable back on.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Calm the fuck down.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: Man, we pulled around the front, car smoking, cake out.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't even take the battery cable out.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: We just got in, the car was still running.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: I kicked, I kicked that motherfucking door open like swipe.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Walked in that something bitch, and we was in tandem.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: We need a manager, we need a manager right now.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: We need a miniature right now.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: And little white kids seen these two big Negroes standing up there talking.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: They got scared.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: They said, Richard, we need you.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: And Richard came out and he handled that business at that time.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, I'm Richard a manager.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: How can I help you?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, yeah, uh, Richard, my cousin got a problem.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Motherfucker, I ordered a motherfucker.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Three eight-piece McNuggie.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I went my boxing McNuggie only had two six in it with two little grummets in it.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's some bullshit.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: I need replication right now.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even know what the fuck replication is, but it's just and Richard stood back, showed us why he was imagining we are terribly sorry.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know why you just in order 24, but it's none of my business.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: My cousin said, I don't eat like that.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: You heard her, she don't eat like that.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: We both going in.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: This is what I can do.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna make you give you three more eight-piece McNuggets, and I'm gonna put them in a 24-a box so you can eat when you want to.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'll add a barbecue sauce, a free sour sour, all in a large container, with a ketchup.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: How would that sound with extra fries?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: And for you, sir, I'll give you three more writing fries and three more pieces, three more wrappers with cheese, with double cheese cheese, and a couple more double cheeseburgers.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: How does that sound?
• 23:38
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: Man, we ate like kings.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: We were so full we laid it at the slide at the playground where the kids were, the kid was mad at the lady leaving.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: We were so full, my cousin was like, cuz that was some good shit.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta do that again.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: The next time we did it, so we had to do the Mad Dano in our neighborhood.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't end the same.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: We pulled up, we went out of my car, we're making that noise.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: Can you turn that bullshit off?
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: I knew right then we was in a world of trouble.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: May I help y'all?
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, yeah, uh get a number 11.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: She said, Motherfucker, we ain't got no number 11.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: I've been working here a long time.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: I know we ain't got no fucking number 11.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: I said, yes, you do, young lady.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so sorry.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's two number fours and a number three.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: She said, Well, say that shit then.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, okay, I I thought you worked here a long time.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: You getting smart?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, uh-huh.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I be scared.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: You can't get smart with them motherfuckers working in fast food.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: They put their ass all over your family.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: They put their dick in your French fries.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: I was trying to be, all right, they'll fuck your shit up, pee in your soldiers and shit.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I was trying to be real polite.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: And what would you want?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, uh, three double cheese, baby, uh uh, uh, three riding fries.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is a riding fries?
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, your fat ass just wants you want three extra fries, but you're gonna eat your regular fries on the way home.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how'd you know?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I knew she was a little ignorant too, because you're gonna say, what type of dink?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh shit.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: What the hell is a dink?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm sorry, what was that?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: What type of dink?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: I said, oh shit.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I was looking at my cousin like, what's a dink?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: Shit, I don't know what a dink is.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I try to be smart.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: I said, yo, I ain't even order a kid's meal.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: So if dink, if dink a toy, just don't worry about my dink.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: Just get my food.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: She gonna act like she's gonna be quiet.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: This dumb motherfucker don't know what a dink is.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: So everybody in that knew what a dink is.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_02: Dink, motherfucker, dink!
• 26:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm sorry, I don't know what a dink is.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: She said, Owen, sprite, petsy, you mean you too lazy to put an R and drink?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: Give me a diet coke.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: We ain't got no damn diet.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: We got Orange, Sprite, Coke.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Alright, just give me an orange.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want no goddamn trouble.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: My cousin, my cousin, she's gonna try to do her thing.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, give me three AP McNuggets.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then the little girl said, bitch, why don't you just ask for 24?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: With your greedy ass.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know you fat.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: You sound like you're fat.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: Through the intercom.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: He said, first of all, you ain't gonna call me no bitch.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, bitch.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, bitch, they bitch, they going back, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: I said, come on, man, my car overheating.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody get the last bitch out so we can pull up to the window.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: We pulled up to the window to get our order, right?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: I had to turn my car off, turn it back up, put the bag, gave it back up.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: Then we got out to the window and the black puff smoke went in.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then she snapped.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: Smoke didn't even bother her.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: She wiped it out of the face.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: And she gave us our bag, right?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: And my cousin said, we better check our shit.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: We opened that bag up.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: That bitch gave us two salads.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: My cousin snapped again.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: Hell no.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: Hell motherfucking now.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Pull around the front.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: Pull around the motherfucker front.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: We win that motherfucker kicked in the door, that little girl, wait for her.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, girl, you heard our order.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck you give us two saddles for?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Cause fat ass ain't need no mother, goddamn saddle.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: My cousin said, I need a manager.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: I need a manager.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: She said, bitch, I am the manager.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_02: I said, let's get on out of here, cuz this ain't gonna work for us today.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: And then I said, Y'all napkin stinking, we got it out of there.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, man, we happy New Year to you, you know.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: You can still say that it's still January.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta you gotta be excited about New Year.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_02: Some of y'all ain't fucking clapping, like you so fucking arrogant.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: You knew you was gonna live to do another fucking year.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: Fucking cocky son of a bitch.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people died right when it was a countdown, you know.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm 55.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: I I I was counting it down, and you see some people like five.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the ball dropped, they dropped.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Real.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: Real man, you gotta celebrate.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: We in 2024, we should have been, we should have been off this earth a long time ago.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you gotta celebrate.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_02: We got, you know, we had Christmas and all that, and New Year's, and we had Thanksgiving, our big big holidays and stuff, you know, you know, and not separating my audience.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: We black people got another holiday now.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: We got Juneteenth.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't know, any of y'all celebrate?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: Did you celebrate it?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: What you do?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: Take off work?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: I heard some lady, I heard some lady on Instagram pissed, she was pissed, how does black people need another holiday?
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: What's going on?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think, bitch, just shut up and take the day off.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, why why you bitching about a day off from work?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't even want to take Martin Luther King's holiday off.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: I remember Phoenix was mad, uh, Arizona was mad about we don't want that holiday.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: I said, you gotta be real racist not to take a day off from work.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm telling you, I take off a Ku Kut Clan day.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, man, where are you going?
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: This Ku Kut Clan Day.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta go get my, I gotta go get my hood out of the cleaner.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: Shit, you get a free chick-fil-a snap if you got your hood on.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if that's true.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: But if it is, I be sitting up there to try to.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: Polynese sauce all over my hood.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'ma keep it real with you, white folks.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: Black folks don't even know, I know I don't know really what Juneteenth is.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: I've heard the story about what it is.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_02: What I heard was some unfree slaves that saw some free slaves walking by, and the unfree slaves, of course, they was haters and said, Where you niggas gone?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: And the free slaves said, us free.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: And the unfree slaves said, when this happened?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: Here, Thursday.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: And the unfree slave ran to the door, knocked on the door, masling, masling, masling, boy, why you ain't out there picking that goddamn cotton?
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: Sir, I will, sir, but you see them niggas roads over there?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: They say they free.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't give a fuck.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know who ain't fucking free.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: Now get your black ass out there picking that cotton.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, do you know when we'll be free?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that slave owner was a dirty motherfucker.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_02: He said, Juneteenth.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't give them a 13, 14, he didn't give him a 15.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: He said Juneteenth.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Ain't no fucking number.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: They still picking cotton.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's June 30th.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: Is it Juneteenth?
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:29
  unknown: June 13th.
• 32:30
  unknown: Damn.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: Huh?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's June 13th.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, non-black person who's trying to get how the fuck you know it's June 13th.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: The fuck?
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: All these black people didn't even know that.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_02: You had June 13th.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, you don't know.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: You up here taking she trying to sound smart like we gonna believe your ass.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: Huh?
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, how many drinks have you had?
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, there's something else in that fucking water cup.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't understand nothing you just had.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, see that there in a second.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't know what the fuck you just said there.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: That sounded like that sounded like a little tequila in your system.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Some motherfucking something you've been drinking before you got in the building.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: You probably I don't want to fuck with you because you might be a motherfucking witch with that outfit on.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want you casting no spell on my I'd be.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: I can't stop eating Taco Bell and I'm shitting at the same time.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: Leave me alone.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_02: I get stupider as the time goes by.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't know nothing about me, I'm a dumb motherfucker.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not I'm not the one you keep talking because I'm very important.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: This is my fucking show.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_02: This ain't your fucking show.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm telling you right now, I know a holiday that's gonna come into the legislation, it's not to the legislation yet, but but it's gonna be a holiday.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure it is.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not a racist thing that I'm saying now, because I know we and these little tissue paper filling ass people now.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: He's talking about, get the fuck out of here.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: I remember when you can make jokes about everybody, and everybody just moved on with their fucking life.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: I remember before I became medium-fat, people had every fat joker in the world.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_02: Look at that fat motherfucker right there, big old fat motherfucker, bop, bop, bop.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean everything you can say about him.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: Look at him sweating, it ain't even hot.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: Look at that ass.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, where your neck at, motherfucker?
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean anything, you know what I'm saying?
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: But now you you say anything about honest shit and joking, we're boycotting you, we're canceling you, fuck you.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I ain't never knew that you can videotape somebody doing some bullshit and it's inadmissible evidence.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: You can put it and you go to court for some shit.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: We got a picture of you eating a Snicker bar and you're a diabetic.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, some of these brothers out here that had it.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_02: I seen that brother, he was in court, and that judge gave him 19 days, that nigga jumped over the brother.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: I said, black people too powerful when you can jump, because that fucking judge shit is like about seven feet up.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's some bitch.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: I said, is this nigga from Crypto?
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean and that white lady said, oh shit.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's all he said.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: They said, did that nigga flat?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: And he kind of too.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_02: She kind of she looked like a muppy, he pulled her ass.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: I said, that motherfucker should have been at the combine or trying to get in the NBA with that kind of vertical.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: Your dumb ass sitting in court, showing all that vertical strip.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna be the shit on the penitentiary basketball team.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: But but but I know the legislation this is gonna pass.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: I know it is, it ain't a racial thing, but I know the new holiday is gonna be celebrating the riverfront brawl.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: I know it.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: I know it.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: And see, people try to make it a color thing, but I think it was just black people coming together to help a brother who lost his job.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's all I think it was.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you ever watch, and I wanna give a shout out to the son bitch who filmed the summer bitch.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: Whoever was filming that needed an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Golden Globe.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because they kept the camera still.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_02: They got it from the beginning to the motherfucking end.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: It was some of the best filming I ever seen in my life.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, that summer bitch need a award.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: They need an image award too.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: That motherfucker's incredible.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, all they started off, I put it a bottle back, but that motherfucker was sitting up there, he sleep, he nodding off, looking at his watch.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: Shit, I got two hours left on this damn job.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: God damn.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he nodded off.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_02: Ernest, the base.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, Mr.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_02: Walter, what is it?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: Ernest, don't you see that ripper boat trying to get in there and park?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, I just I ain't noticed.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: How the fuck he didn't know it's a big ass ripper boat full of people on there.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, what's the problem?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_02: You see them some bitches over there with that damn pontoon boat, you gotta tell them some bitches either pull the boat out of the water or put it back on the water so we can park this ripper boat.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_02: And he seen them motherfuckers over there, them motherfuckers over there playing that guitar, doing that.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: Ernest don't even want to fuck with her.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: They got them mothers and shit.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: He knows them some bitches, some good old boys, and they about to cuss his ass out.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_02: But he went over there polite, said Excuse me, sir, yeah, and sir.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is it?
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: Sir, I don't mean to disturb you.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: I know y'all having a good time over here.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: But uh my boss just called down and told me, uh, you need to move your boat out of the water or pull it back on the water, because you see that river boat there full of people, they got a park here, so you're gonna have to move out of the way.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: You said, I don't give a goddamn like son of a bitch.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a taxpayer.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: I pay my fucking taxes like everybody else, and goddamn it, and I fought two turns in Iraq where I gave you the fucking right to sit on your black ass over there, and then you wanna come over here and fuck with me while I'm trying to have a good time with my brothers and shit.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: You son of a bitch, you better sit your black ass back down in that chair and mind your fucking business.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, me and my boys put the boots too.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_02: You understand me?
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_02: Ernest said, man, I got an hour left on this job, man.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: I I I hear you, brother.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_02: I I understand what you're saying, but you need to move your boat, sir.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't know whether you're putting the boots on, but you ain't gonna put no boots on me.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: You need to move your boats right now.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I tell you right now, goddamn, you see that boat right there?
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's a Mastercraft pontoon boat.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: I got a Mercury outboard 450 on that son of a bitch.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: It cussed through that ripper like goddamn butter, you son of a bitch.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's a prize and possession of mine, and I ain't moving my motherfucking boat with until I'm goddamn ready.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_01: So you better go sit your black ass down.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm giving you one more goddamn warning, or we're gonna put the fucking boots to you.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: You understand me?
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't spend them two turns in Iraq for your upper black ass to come over here and tell me anything, you got it?
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: Next thing you know, one of the other good old boys heard him arguing, he snapped, he came running off the boat and say, You heard what the buck he said, you goddamn nigga, and gave him a knee drop to the chin.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: Ernest went back.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: He shook that shit off.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_02: He shook it off.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_02: He was dazed for a minute, then Ernest did a move.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: I ain't never seen him in my life.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: He took his hat off and threw it in the air.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know, I didn't know what that hat meant at first, right?
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: But then I realized that meant this is my last day on the job.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: Because Ernest went back over that bitch and he started putting it in work.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: And he was fucking that boy up, he was fucking his ass up.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: But good old boys don't think it's a fair fight unless it's 15 on them.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: Next thing you know, good up boy he was talking to said, Bobby Lee, Ronnie Lee, Jerry Lee, hell Bruce Lee.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: Come on out that goddamn boat.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: We need some backup over here.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_01: He's over here fucking up.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's over here fucking up Buddy Lee.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: Get him, get him.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_02: Next thing you know, they started stomping Ernest.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: They had him on the ground, they was putting the boost to him.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: They wasn't really boost, they was crocs, but they was putting the crocs to him.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: They was fucking Ernest up.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: But unbeknownst to them, unbeknownst to them, they had all they meant last day on the job, but they also had another symbol for the National Negro Avengers to assemble.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, a Negro came out of the water.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: It was a brother swimming.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't even know.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_02: This motherfucker was swimming in Timberland.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know they had swim timbs.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: And that some bitch was in shape because he jumped out of that water, kicked off the boots, and went right to the fight.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Man, I know I ain't in that kind of shape.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: If I swam all the way over there, I'd have to lean on something to catch my breath.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, Belle, we got him over here.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'll be over there a minute and save me something.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: And they was beating their ass when Johnny Lee looked up, he looked up and seen all these niggas around here.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: He thought he'd been teleported to Wakanda.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: And them black folks was fucking his ass up.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: They beat all their ass.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_02: Drag the girls off the boat, they was fucking their ass up too.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody was getting a prime fuck up.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: They was up their ass.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_02: Stole the keys to the boat, they was beating their ass.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: They was all laying on the ground.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: And Johnny Lee thought it was over.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_02: He thought it was over.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: Next thing you know, Uncle Earl came out of nowhere looking like Stone Cold Steve Austin.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: He had Glenn and shit behind him with a folded chair.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: He started fucking motherfuckers up, but it was already knocked out.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_02: He was fucking their ass up like Mario brother.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_02: Clack out, clack out.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: Poor white girl was in the ambulance getting medical attention.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: He hit that bitch.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm already in the ambulance.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_02: Now you need it, bitch.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_02: I knew they were gonna tase Uncle Earl.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_02: They tased him, but Earl had just lost his job a couple of weeks ago.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: He fell down with pride.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: He was smiling when he got electricity.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: Fell down with the chair.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: And next thing you know, you know, finally the melee went over.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny Lee limped home with his crocs, rolled up his legs.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_02: They went from crocs to knee high socks.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: He limped all the way home.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: His brother Ricky Bobby sitting on the porch.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: Looked like he had a fucking fight with a Bobcat and a gorilla.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny Lee said, worse.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: He said, worse than a Bobcat and gorilla.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: What can that be?
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_02: He said, niggas.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: Ricky Bobby said, God damn niggas did that to your ass.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't that goddamn F-150 go down there and put the boots to him.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_02: Not today.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: We already tried that.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: It was going good, but I'm gonna tell you right now, I didn't know how it was gonna end.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: I was sitting up there having a good time playing air guitar, and I was jamming, having a jam sensor with all my boys, and this uppity nigga came over there telling me we had to move our fucking boat.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know my Mastercraft outboard power, my pontoon boat with the outboard Mercury 450 that could cut through the river like buzzer.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know that fucking boat.