Latest / Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith / Manna for Marriage Part 1

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Manna for Marriage Part 1 · Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith

• 0:09
  Don Smith: What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
• 0:14
  Don Smith: But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
• 0:20
  Don Smith: I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
• 0:25
  Don Smith: And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
• 0:31
  Don Smith: Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
• 0:37
  Don Smith: Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
• 0:43
  Don Smith: We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
• 0:50
  Don Smith: Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
• 1:01
  Don Smith: Welcome to Wedded Wednesday.
• 1:04
  Don Smith: If you're longing on for the first time, I'm Don.
• 1:06
  Don Smith: She's Lisa.
• 1:08
  Lisa Smith: Yes, I'm Lisa.
• 1:10
  Don Smith: And we do this every Wednesday that we can.
• 1:13
  Don Smith: Sometimes travel it's sometimes travel gets in the way or schedules, that kind of thing.
• 1:18
  Don Smith: But we're really excited to be here.
• 1:19
  Lisa Smith: We do the best we can.
• 1:20
  Don Smith: Yeah, we're really excited to be here on this Wedded Wednesday because we are in the middle of a marriage sermon series here at Firm Foundation Ministries at church.
• 1:30
  Don Smith: And uh we just finished up week two.
• 1:32
  Don Smith: So today.
• 1:33
  Don Smith: Today.
• 1:34
  Don Smith: Everybody say today.
• 1:35
  Don Smith: Today.
• 1:36
  Don Smith: Today, I want to interview Lisa about the first two messages.
• 1:44
  Don Smith: And she is incredibly excited about that, as you can tell.
• 1:51
  Lisa Smith: Why do we interview?
• 1:52
  Don Smith: Because you're people want to hear from you.
• 1:57
  Lisa Smith: I'm always afraid I'm gonna say the wrong thing and get a nasty.
• 2:02
  Don Smith: No, the people want to hear from you.
• 2:04
  Don Smith: So today's gonna look a little different.
• 2:05
  Don Smith: As a matter of fact, the next few Wednesdays are probably gonna look a little different.
• 2:09
  Don Smith: We're in the middle of uh a series that we've called Mana for Marriage.
• 2:14
  Don Smith: And uh so I'm gonna interview Lisa today.
• 2:16
  Don Smith: And I want your honest take point, uh, your feedback, okay?
• 2:22
  Don Smith: And I think way to Wednesday peeps want your honest feedback on Facebook Live.
• 2:28
  Don Smith: If you're if you're watching, feel free to please put in some comments there so we can see that you're here and what you're thinking.
• 2:35
  Don Smith: Um and uh, you know, think about your own answers to maybe some of the questions.
• 2:40
  Don Smith: So uh you know what, Lisa, before we get to uh before we get to the main point though, I think I was thinking this morning on the drive into the office.
• 2:50
  Lisa Smith: I was thinking there's a little devious smirk when he says that.
• 2:53
  Lisa Smith: I I'm a little I want to give Lisa, I want to give you a quiz.
• 2:57
  Don Smith: Oh, I want to give you a quiz before we even start.
• 3:00
  Don Smith: All right, here we go.
• 3:01
  Don Smith: Are you ready to win the state?
• 3:03
  Don Smith: This is a marriage quiz.
• 3:04
  Don Smith: This is a marriage quiz.
• 3:05
  Don Smith: Are you ready?
• 3:06
  Don Smith: All right, quickly as you can answer it now.
• 3:08
  Don Smith: All right.
• 3:09
  Don Smith: All right, quickly.
• 3:10
  Don Smith: The gas tank's on empty and nobody filled it up.
• 3:12
  Don Smith: Whose fault is it?
• 3:13
  Lisa Smith: Mine.
• 3:16
  Lisa Smith: Is it my car?
• 3:18
  Lisa Smith: It doesn't matter.
• 3:19
  Lisa Smith: If it's my car, it's my fault.
• 3:21
  Lisa Smith: Oh if it's yours, it's your fault.
• 3:23
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 3:23
  Don Smith: All right, so you're not blaming you're not blaming me for your car being on empty.
• 3:27
  Lisa Smith: No, I'm not.
• 3:29
  Don Smith: But I can fill it, I can fill it up for you if you want.
• 3:32
  Lisa Smith: And sometimes you do.
• 3:34
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 3:35
  Lisa Smith: If you drive it and you notice it or you're with me and you notice it.
• 3:38
  Lisa Smith: All right, maybe you have me pull in.
• 3:39
  Don Smith: Maybe some of our Wedded Wednesday peeps will put their answers in their question.
• 3:42
  Lisa Smith: I really appreciate I love, especially in the winter.
• 3:48
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 3:48
  Don Smith: All right.
• 3:49
  Don Smith: All right.
• 3:50
  Don Smith: See, um, uh, all right, here's another one.
• 3:53
  Don Smith: You ready?
• 3:53
  Don Smith: Yes.
• 3:54
  Don Smith: Um, let's see here.
• 3:56
  Don Smith: I I wrote down a couple of them, right?
• 3:59
  Don Smith: Um second one.
• 4:00
  Don Smith: How long would you wait on something God promised before you started helping him out?
• 4:11
  Lisa Smith: It probably depends on what it is.
• 4:16
  Lisa Smith: I got your answer.
• 4:18
  Lisa Smith: I don't know.
• 4:19
  Lisa Smith: I think we I think I've waited a long time for for some answers that are not answered yet.
• 4:27
  Lisa Smith: I know there's nothing I can do.
• 4:29
  Don Smith: Has there been a moment though where you tried to help him out?
• 4:32
  Lisa Smith: With this particular thing.
• 4:37
  Lisa Smith: I don't think so.
• 4:38
  Lisa Smith: All right, let's just say.
• 4:38
  Lisa Smith: I think I just prayed.
• 4:39
  Don Smith: Now we're moving right into the heavy part, all right?
• 4:42
  Don Smith: All right.
• 4:42
  Don Smith: So I really opened up well uh the series two weeks ago with Abraham and Sarah.
• 4:47
  Don Smith: They waited 25 years, like 788,400,000 seconds.
• 4:54
  Don Smith: So you didn't know.
• 4:55
  Don Smith: I remembered those numbers, right?
• 4:57
  Don Smith: That's a long time.
• 4:58
  Lisa Smith: I don't have those numbers in front of me, so I don't know if you were exact.
• 5:01
  Don Smith: Okay, you can Google it if you like.
• 5:02
  Don Smith: Uh 25 years, how many seconds is that?
• 5:05
  Don Smith: Uh, I believe it's 788,400,000.
• 5:08
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 5:09
  Don Smith: I I think that's the numbers.
• 5:10
  Don Smith: But anyway, when when waiting gets uncomfortable, Lisa, uncomfortable people make ungodly decisions.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:17
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 5:17
  Don Smith: Uh blame and shortcuts.
• 5:19
  Don Smith: That's what we want to talk about today.
• 5:21
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 5:21
  Don Smith: All right.
• 5:22
  Don Smith: So uh that's the show for today because I want to cover the first two messages.
• 5:26
  Don Smith: Does that make sense?
• 5:27
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 5:28
  Don Smith: All right, now before we get into the main points.
• 5:30
  Lisa Smith: Oh, was that it with my quiz?
• 5:32
  Don Smith: Yeah, you oh shoo!
• 5:34
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 5:35
  Don Smith: I hear I was waiting for some more to come at me.
• 5:37
  Don Smith: All right, before we get into the main points here, right?
• 5:40
  Don Smith: Um, when you hear the word they, they in a marriage, what comes to mind?
• 5:51
  Don Smith: The two of them?
• 5:53
  Don Smith: Okay, all right.
• 5:54
  Don Smith: Not blame, not blame.
• 5:55
  Don Smith: So one spouse comes in, you know, they when I hear the word sometimes people come into my office and they're like, they say.
• 6:03
  Lisa Smith: Oh.
• 6:04
  Lisa Smith: Well, who's they?
• 6:05
  Don Smith: That's what I'm saying.
• 6:06
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 6:07
  Don Smith: I can't I can't pray for they.
• 6:09
  Lisa Smith: No.
• 6:10
  Don Smith: I can't uh go talk to they.
• 6:12
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 6:12
  Don Smith: Usually they i is anonymous, but they sure got lots to say.
• 6:19
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 6:20
  Don Smith: Uh-huh.
• 6:21
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 6:21
  Don Smith: And so, you know, uh sometimes that's the idea in marriage blame says it's somebody else.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:28
  Don Smith: And that somebody else can't be dealt with, right?
• 6:30
  Don Smith: So I'm paralyzed.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:32
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 6:33
  Don Smith: All right, so we're moving into that.
• 6:34
  Don Smith: So point number one, okay?
• 6:36
  Don Smith: And if you were if you were here for the marriage series, if not, you can go on to Firm Foundation Ministries YouTube channel and you can watch the first two marriage series, and you should definitely do that, right?
• 6:50
  Don Smith: But the first point is that perfection wasn't the goal, ownership is, right?
• 6:55
  Don Smith: So that's the thing that we want to really kind of look at this morning.
• 7:00
  Don Smith: All right.
• 7:01
  Don Smith: So when I asked you this question, God's first questions are about presence and honesty.
• 7:07
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 7:08
  Don Smith: Who told you you were naked, right?
• 7:11
  Don Smith: Okay, presence and honesty.
• 7:13
  Don Smith: Uh, it wasn't about performance, and marriage often struggles because of performance.
• 7:20
  Lisa Smith: True.
• 7:21
  Lisa Smith: I think that's just because that's what people know.
• 7:25
  Lisa Smith: You know what I mean?
• 7:26
  Lisa Smith: That's that's all we know.
• 7:27
  Lisa Smith: I think as children, as uh as children for our parents, it's about doing good and not doing bad.
• 7:38
  Lisa Smith: And then in school, it's like what you achieve in school.
• 7:45
  Lisa Smith: Okay, like your grade.
• 7:46
  Lisa Smith: Performance.
• 7:47
  Lisa Smith: Life is all about everything is about performance.
• 7:49
  Don Smith: You're when something doesn't perform, that's when frustration enters.
• 7:54
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 7:54
  Don Smith: Okay, so that goes over into even our expectations on our spouse.
• 8:00
  Don Smith: They have to perform.
• 8:02
  Don Smith: And if they don't perform, they've failed.
• 8:06
  Lisa Smith: So if I have to perform, why aren't you performing?
• 8:09
  Don Smith: There you go.
• 8:10
  Don Smith: I think the people want to hear a little bit more about that from your perspective.
• 8:14
  Lisa Smith: No, I'm just saying if if if one I'm not saying they do more, but I think in our own eyes, we feel like we do more and we sacrifice more as an individual.
• 8:30
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 8:31
  Lisa Smith: And especially in a relationship.
• 8:33
  Lisa Smith: I think we only see from our perspective and we feel our stress.
• 8:39
  Lisa Smith: And so what we see is us giving out, us sacrificing, but we don't feel we see that in our spouse.
• 8:49
  Don Smith: So the idea of performance, I'm giving more than you.
• 8:54
  Lisa Smith: Again, competition.
• 8:55
  Don Smith: It can it can overcome or overshadow or uh really try to cut back on the idea of presence and honesty.
• 9:06
  Don Smith: Like we what we really want is presence and honesty.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:12
  Don Smith: But what we're really frustrated about is performance.
• 9:15
  Don Smith: I think so.
• 9:16
  Don Smith: And so when we get frustrated about whatever performance is or isn't, okay, you're not helping with the kids.
• 9:23
  Lisa Smith: Or which which is performance and presence.
• 9:27
  Don Smith: Yep, there you go.
• 9:28
  Don Smith: So but the frustration is you're you're not performing, or you're not making enough money, or you spend too much money, or um, you know, you're always critical, or you never take the garbage out, right, or you always leave your shoes in the floor.
• 9:42
  Don Smith: It's always about performance.
• 9:43
  Don Smith: Right.
• 9:44
  Don Smith: And that that conversation, that frustration overrides the idea that that presence and honesty are very, very important in a marriage.
• 9:53
  Lisa Smith: I think so.
• 9:54
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 9:54
  Don Smith: So which of the two, presence and honesty, do you think is hardest for most couples?
• 10:01
  Lisa Smith: Repeat the question.
• 10:02
  Don Smith: Uh so which of the two presence or honesty is harder for most couples?
• 10:08
  Lisa Smith: Oh.
• 10:10
  Don Smith: I know my thoughts.
• 10:12
  Lisa Smith: I think honesty.
• 10:13
  Don Smith: Yeah, so do I.
• 10:14
  Don Smith: I think, man, I don't why do you think most couples struggle with being completely honest with each other?
• 10:20
  Don Smith: Now I have my idea, my thought process.
• 10:23
  Lisa Smith: Sometimes we don't want to rock the boat.
• 10:26
  Don Smith: Oh, that's a good one.
• 10:27
  Don Smith: That's not what I was thinking, but that's a good one.
• 10:28
  Lisa Smith: You know, um, if I really share how I feel about this, they're gonna be upset and everything has been okay, not great.
• 10:40
  Don Smith: Okay, okay.
• 10:41
  Don Smith: But if I share this So you you most people would rather not have conflict than be honest.
• 10:48
  Lisa Smith: I think so.
• 10:49
  Don Smith: Because they feel like their honesty is gonna cause conflict, and so therefore they prefer no conflict and and they suffer because they're not having honesty.
• 10:58
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 10:59
  Lisa Smith: And and I think that is why they have conflict is because they have to.
• 11:04
  Don Smith: So they actually get the opposite of what they yeah.
• 11:07
  Lisa Smith: And I know that I there have been times in our marriage where uh maybe I have had to share something with you that didn't even have to do like with us personally, but it would be something hard.
• 11:23
  Don Smith: Alex Siler likes your microphone, by the way.
• 11:25
  Lisa Smith: Thank you, Alex.
• 11:27
  Lisa Smith: And um I think when man, you made me lose my train of thought.
• 11:34
  Lisa Smith: Uh what but it's something hard, and I know it's gonna be hard for you.
• 11:39
  Lisa Smith: You know what I mean?
• 11:40
  Lisa Smith: Like, oh, this is gonna hurt him, or this is gonna say anything.
• 11:48
  Lisa Smith: Okay, and then I try not to say anything.
• 11:51
  Lisa Smith: But during those times I do pray.
• 11:53
  Lisa Smith: I say, God, just give me an opportunity or an open door to share it.
• 11:57
  Lisa Smith: And I think you you probably remember times where I've gone, hey, I really need to tell talk to you about something.
• 12:03
  Don Smith: Every time she comes to me and she says, Hey, I I really need to talk to you about something.
• 12:08
  Don Smith: I know that that's you've already done the work to prepare yourself, to be honest.
• 12:13
  Lisa Smith: And I'm also praying that God prepares your heart to receive it.
• 12:17
  Lisa Smith: Not just, you know.
• 12:19
  Don Smith: I I think too, I think honesty is hard for couples because um vulnerability makes us feel weak.
• 12:26
  Don Smith: And we know that people who are upset with us always use our weaknesses against us.
• 12:31
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, and who knows us best than our spouses.
• 12:36
  Lisa Smith: There you go with our heart.
• 12:37
  Don Smith: That's that's so good.
• 12:38
  Don Smith: That's that's just so there's one of those that our challenge is is like, hey, work on this idea of honesty.
• 12:44
  Don Smith: Now, presence needs to be there as well.
• 12:47
  Don Smith: And look at the things inside of your marriage that are overshadowing the idea of presence and honesty.
• 12:54
  Don Smith: All right.
• 12:54
  Don Smith: And the other part that I said in one of the messages was you can be right or you can be married, but you can't be both very long.
• 13:01
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 13:01
  Don Smith: Now, I I got a lot of feedback from that in a lot of different ways.
• 13:05
  Lisa Smith: See where that's a little, you know.
• 13:07
  Don Smith: That's okay.
• 13:08
  Lisa Smith: I can see people not agreeing on that.
• 13:10
  Don Smith: In our devotional on day two from week one, okay, uh, we we had couples write two columns, what your spouse did wrong and what you did wrong.
• 13:21
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 13:22
  Lisa Smith: Now I did nothing wrong.
• 13:24
  Don Smith: Ooh, is that your reaction?
• 13:26
  Don Smith: Like, okay, in your exercise, what would be what column would be longer?
• 13:31
  Don Smith: What I did wrong or what you did wrong?
• 13:34
  Lisa Smith: I think I know it would be me.
• 13:36
  Lisa Smith: Would it?
• 13:37
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, because I tell you, five to one.
• 13:41
  Lisa Smith: I always pray and I ask the Lord, why did that bother me?
• 13:47
  Lisa Smith: Why did I read that?
• 13:48
  Don Smith: If you've been listening to us talk about marriage for any time at all, you've all you've you've already heard Lisa's five to one ratio.
• 13:54
  Don Smith: That means for every one that negative thing you have to say, you need to come up with five positives first.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:59
  Don Smith: Uh, and it's a brilliant strategy, especially for couples who are struggling to talk to one another.
• 14:04
  Lisa Smith: The Lord makes me seek my own heart because I go through that.
• 14:09
  Lisa Smith: I do go through it through prayer.
• 14:11
  Lisa Smith: I don't just go, oh, I gotta come up with five.
• 14:14
  Don Smith: It's literally one of the exercises we give couples who come to us and complain that, hey, we can't communicate.
• 14:19
  Don Smith: It's one of the best exercises.
• 14:20
  Don Smith: And couples that do it uh experience incredible growth uh through it, and couples who don't, uh, they don't.
• 14:28
  Don Smith: How about that?
• 14:28
  Don Smith: All right, so let me do this with you in this moment uh on this topic, right?
• 14:32
  Don Smith: Is there a time when being right really matters?
• 14:38
  Don Smith: See, this the reason I ask you this is because I I and rightly so, I expected it.
• 14:44
  Don Smith: I expected that I would get some feedback in this way, okay?
• 14:47
  Don Smith: Because I I think that that's a truth, right?
• 14:50
  Don Smith: There is, there can be a time when being right really matters.
• 14:53
  Don Smith: Yes, right?
• 14:54
  Don Smith: Uh, but there's never a time where being right should um end relationship.
• 15:03
  Don Smith: But most of the time, people choose being right over relationship.
• 15:11
  Don Smith: Being right should help us restore relationship.
• 15:13
  Don Smith: That was my context.
• 15:15
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 15:16
  Don Smith: So, but in your mind, is there a time, and you can share anything on any part of it when being right really matters.
• 15:23
  Don Smith: I think I think there is.
• 15:24
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I think there is too, but if you want me to come up with an example, I I can't think of something right at this moment.
• 15:31
  Lisa Smith: Okay, maybe, yeah.
• 15:34
  Don Smith: Okay, no, let's get even deeper than that.
• 15:36
  Lisa Smith: No, I think.
• 15:38
  Don Smith: Yes, let's get even deeper than that.
• 15:41
  Don Smith: Early on in our marriage, right?
• 15:42
  Don Smith: We talked about this.
• 15:43
  Don Smith: We've been married almost 35 years now.
• 15:45
  Don Smith: I'm excited about that.
• 15:47
  Don Smith: Um, uh that someone will put up with me that long.
• 15:50
  Don Smith: Amen.
• 15:52
  Don Smith: Wow.
• 15:52
  Don Smith: Okay, uh, let's get back to the show here, okay?
• 15:56
  Don Smith: Um, but I I did come in the first two years of our marriage, come and I confessed to uh, you know, an addiction to pornography.
• 16:03
  Don Smith: And you said to me, that's not allowed in our marriage.
• 16:06
  Don Smith: Yes.
• 16:07
  Don Smith: That that you were right.
• 16:08
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, and that's a truth.
• 16:10
  Lisa Smith: That's correct.
• 16:10
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 16:10
  Don Smith: That's not allowed in our marriage.
• 16:11
  Don Smith: You said three things to me.
• 16:13
  Don Smith: That's not allowed in our marriage, right?
• 16:15
  Don Smith: You're going to deal with this, and thirdly, you're going to tell me what my role is in helping you.
• 16:21
  Don Smith: So, like you wanted to be involved.
• 16:22
  Don Smith: You just didn't want to be a critic.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 16:24
  Don Smith: You just didn't want to be a punisher.
• 16:26
  Don Smith: And I think that was empowering in that sense, right?
• 16:29
  Don Smith: So that that was right.
• 16:30
  Don Smith: So it yeah, that there are times when being right matters.
• 16:34
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 16:35
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 16:35
  Lisa Smith: And you gotta make a stand on it.
• 16:37
  Don Smith: But would you agree that you can be right without destroying the relationship?
• 16:44
  Don Smith: Being right is the point of restoration of relationship.
• 16:50
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 16:51
  Don Smith: It's correct.
• 16:51
  Don Smith: This is the right thing.
• 16:52
  Don Smith: My my dad used to say, Don, why do we do the right thing?
• 16:55
  Don Smith: Because it's the right thing to do.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:57
  Don Smith: And the moment you start doing anything for benefit is the moment you care about benefit more than you care about what's right.
• 17:04
  Don Smith: So even in marriage, so I I wasn't trying, and I'm glad people want to be right just to get their way.
• 17:10
  Don Smith: There you go.
• 17:11
  Don Smith: That see, I this is why we interview her.
• 17:14
  Don Smith: This is why we because you this truth is your wisdom is incredible in these moments.
• 17:19
  Don Smith: And that's why I think it's very important.
• 17:20
  Don Smith: Say that again.
• 17:22
  Don Smith: Most people want to be right just to get their way.
• 17:26
  Don Smith: Yes.
• 17:26
  Don Smith: That's nothing to do with restoring the relationship.
• 17:28
  Lisa Smith: No, it's a tantrum.
• 17:29
  Don Smith: It is Oh, we I said tantrums this past week.
• 17:33
  Lisa Smith: We're gonna it is like a child having a and that's immaturity, isn't it?
• 17:36
  Lisa Smith: Yes, it is.
• 17:36
  Don Smith: I just want to be right so that I can get my way.
• 17:39
  Don Smith: That's immaturity.
• 17:40
  Don Smith: That's right.
• 17:40
  Don Smith: And the truth of the matter is, we've said this for years, right?
• 17:43
  Don Smith: Marriage is for mature people.
• 17:46
  Don Smith: Okay?
• 17:46
  Don Smith: Correct.
• 17:47
  Don Smith: It's not for the immature.
• 17:48
  Don Smith: Nothing will expose your immaturity more than being married.
• 17:54
  Don Smith: Somebody say amen or oh me.
• 17:55
  Don Smith: You can put that in the comments.
• 17:56
  Don Smith: Help us, Lord.
• 17:57
  Don Smith: Here we go, right?
• 17:59
  Don Smith: All right.
• 18:00
  Don Smith: So um I said this statement: you don't lose your marriage in one day.
• 18:04
  Don Smith: No, you you lose it one deflection at a time.
• 18:06
  Don Smith: Like blame's this.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Blame is the slow leak.
• 18:10
  Don Smith: It's the slow leak, it's not this blowout.
• 18:12
  Don Smith: Like you don't wake up one day and and everything changed.
• 18:15
  Don Smith: What you do is you wake up one day and realize that you haven't talked to each other in three years.
• 18:19
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 18:20
  Lisa Smith: And uh I mean, shoot, we don't that one time we didn't really talk to each other for like what, a month because we didn't get a date day.
• 18:28
  Lisa Smith: And it wasn't maliciousness, it was just busy loose between us.
• 18:33
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 18:33
  Lisa Smith: Because all of a sudden we had a big blow-up and neither one of us knew why.
• 18:38
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, even today.
• 18:39
  Lisa Smith: But we hadn't connected in like a month.
• 18:41
  Don Smith: This is so good.
• 18:41
  Don Smith: What what do Wednesday Peeps?
• 18:43
  Don Smith: This is so good.
• 18:43
  Don Smith: Even today, like Holly Text the Office.
• 18:46
  Don Smith: We have a text flow, it's called office staff, right?
• 18:49
  Don Smith: And so we can all communicate with each other during the staff.
• 18:51
  Don Smith: Now, the guys are all farmers, they're all out farming.
• 18:54
  Don Smith: And they've been in the field for, you know, probably 20 hours a day right now, trying to get the harvest out.
• 19:00
  Don Smith: Well, uh, so the wives haven't seen their husbands very much lately because they've just been working and you got to get the field.
• 19:07
  Don Smith: You got to get it out, right?
• 19:08
  Don Smith: And it rained last night.
• 19:10
  Don Smith: And so Holly texts the group this morning.
• 19:12
  Don Smith: She said, Hey, my husband can't harvest today because of the rain last night.
• 19:16
  Don Smith: We'd like to take advantage to have a uh a little time together.
• 19:20
  Don Smith: We're gonna go to breakfast together.
• 19:21
  Don Smith: Is that okay?
• 19:21
  Don Smith: And I was like, I like it, get it done.
• 19:23
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:24
  Don Smith: Like, you can be late coming into the office today because, right?
• 19:28
  Don Smith: That's a moment where they're choosing presents.
• 19:30
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 19:31
  Don Smith: Okay, and that's really good.
• 19:33
  Lisa Smith: Sometimes you gotta steal those moments to do that.
• 19:36
  Don Smith: Because you realize that, man, like let's just take harvest time for the farmers.
• 19:39
  Don Smith: That's a slow leak.
• 19:41
  Don Smith: Like it's not intentional, it's not malicious.
• 19:43
  Don Smith: No, it's just busyness.
• 19:45
  Lisa Smith: But the relationships feel it.
• 19:47
  Don Smith: Yeah, so mine and your moment in that time, it was a month we hadn't spent any time together.
• 19:51
  Don Smith: It wasn't malicious.
• 19:52
  Lisa Smith: Not that we weren't together at things, but it wasn't a personal connection.
• 19:58
  Don Smith: Okay, so I think that uh what do you think a slow leak looks like in a marriage?
• 20:05
  Don Smith: Not okay.
• 20:06
  Don Smith: So we just used uh Justin and Holly as a moment.
• 20:09
  Don Smith: Okay, most of you will know them.
• 20:11
  Don Smith: Their marriage is a great marriage.
• 20:13
  Don Smith: Um you just used us as a moment, like life had been busy.
• 20:17
  Don Smith: It's not that we weren't together because we do ministry together, we do Wedding Wednesday together, we do counselings together, we do meeting leadership meetings together, we do but that's not intimate.
• 20:26
  Lisa Smith: Correct.
• 20:27
  Lisa Smith: That's not one-on-one.
• 20:28
  Lisa Smith: That's with other people.
• 20:29
  Don Smith: So, what would you think could be some other issues?
• 20:34
  Don Smith: Kids, kids' schedules.
• 20:36
  Lisa Smith: Schedules, yes.
• 20:38
  Lisa Smith: Work schedules, kids' schedules.
• 20:40
  Lisa Smith: Um it's nothing to do with not loving each other.
• 20:42
  Lisa Smith: And even at that though, not making each other a priority, like when the kids do go to bed, take 30 minutes together.
• 20:52
  Don Smith: Ooh, okay, there you go.
• 20:53
  Don Smith: So that's not true.
• 20:54
  Lisa Smith: It doesn't have to be early signs.
• 20:56
  Lisa Smith: It doesn't have to be a big old date.
• 20:58
  Lisa Smith: It just you just need to connect.
• 21:00
  Don Smith: So give Wedded Wednesday some early signs that they can they can uh detect that okay, hey, you know what?
• 21:08
  Don Smith: Uh we got a slow leak here.
• 21:10
  Don Smith: Or a slow leak is happening.
• 21:11
  Don Smith: Like on a car, you can hear it.
• 21:13
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 21:14
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 21:15
  Don Smith: Uh so early signs.
• 21:17
  Lisa Smith: Early signs.
• 21:18
  Lisa Smith: Uh spouse is always frustrated.
• 21:20
  Don Smith: Ooh, it's uh it's great, right?
• 21:22
  Don Smith: I don't know.
• 21:23
  Lisa Smith: A little snippy.
• 21:24
  Don Smith: Okay, so attitudes toward each other isn't as tender.
• 21:27
  Lisa Smith: Mm-hmm.
• 21:27
  Don Smith: And it's not they just don't love each other.
• 21:29
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 21:30
  Don Smith: You're just frustrated.
• 21:30
  Don Smith: You don't even know why.
• 21:31
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 21:32
  Don Smith: Um, you can expect seasonal ideas.
• 21:34
  Don Smith: Okay, we know this season is coming.
• 21:36
  Lisa Smith: So yeah, like like harvesting for the farmers.
• 21:39
  Don Smith: That's a great that season comes every year.
• 21:41
  Don Smith: They gotta plant.
• 21:42
  Don Smith: That is a long time.
• 21:44
  Don Smith: They gotta get it out of the field in October.
• 21:46
  Lisa Smith: I've seen other couples too uh whose husbands are farmers.
• 21:50
  Lisa Smith: I see the wives go out there and take them lunch or ride in the um tractors with them.
• 21:57
  Don Smith: So what they've done then is they've recognized the early signs.
• 22:00
  Don Smith: This is going to be a season.
• 22:01
  Lisa Smith: So we got to steal in the moment.
• 22:04
  Don Smith: I love it.
• 22:04
  Lisa Smith: Be intentional about what I think.
• 22:06
  Don Smith: And we're going to tell the story.
• 22:08
  Don Smith: I remember a story during tax season with Mike and Donna Munster.
• 22:12
  Lisa Smith: Oh, that one.
• 22:12
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 22:12
  Don Smith: So Mike is an accountant.
• 22:14
  Don Smith: He does a lot of taxes during tax season for people, right?
• 22:18
  Don Smith: And uh so Donna would want to have lunch with him during tax season, which is January through April.
• 22:23
  Don Smith: He is so busy.
• 22:24
  Don Smith: Like I he sleeps maybe three, four hours a day.
• 22:27
  Don Smith: Other than that, he's so it's crazy uh during that time for them.
• 22:32
  Don Smith: And he would see her name on his schedule for lunch, and he would cross it out because he needed to meet with another client, right?
• 22:40
  Don Smith: I don't have time for that.
• 22:41
  Don Smith: I'm just gonna meet with this client.
• 22:42
  Don Smith: And it didn't, I mean, she she didn't really get her feelings hurt by it, but it ticked off.
• 22:48
  Don Smith: It was like, okay, I get it, I get it, but I really want to spend some time with him.
• 22:51
  Don Smith: I want him to slow down.
• 22:52
  Don Smith: I want I miss him and I want to spend some time with him.
• 22:55
  Don Smith: So he kept doing this, not maliciously.
• 22:57
  Don Smith: No, he was busy.
• 22:58
  Don Smith: Okay, Mike would never do that maliciously to Donna.
• 23:01
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 23:01
  Don Smith: He was just busy.
• 23:02
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 23:03
  Don Smith: And so what Donna did is she wrote in a fake name.
• 23:06
  Don Smith: And uh client, just a fake name, client name, and uh for during the lunch thing.
• 23:13
  Don Smith: And and so she shows up to his office, right, with with lunch, and he was like, Oh, sweetie, I just can't meet with you.
• 23:19
  Don Smith: I got a client named so-and-so coming in right now, and she's like, No, you don't.
• 23:24
  Don Smith: She said, I am that client.
• 23:26
  Don Smith: I am that client.
• 23:27
  Don Smith: It was that's a hilarious story.
• 23:29
  Don Smith: Yeah and even Mike in that moment realized people can I love that he wasn't frustrated her about it.
• 23:36
  Lisa Smith: See people blaming Mike.
• 23:37
  Lisa Smith: Oh, you know what?
• 23:38
  Lisa Smith: But like you said, it's a busy season.
• 23:41
  Lisa Smith: How do you tell people know when taxes are due when he's got to get to them?
• 23:45
  Don Smith: It was just a beautiful story uh about their marriage and and what they did.
• 23:49
  Lisa Smith: And I think after that he was more intentional.
• 23:53
  Don Smith: Yeah, because he said, Donna's name on their schedule, he didn't cross it out anymore.
• 23:56
  Don Smith: I love how they tell the story.
• 23:58
  Don Smith: Yeah, uh, it was just brilliant.
• 24:00
  Lisa Smith: So I told So see everyone in all kinds of backgrounds have those moments from their marriage.
• 24:08
  Lisa Smith: And I told you But they can be overcome.
• 24:10
  Don Smith: I told that story of a couple who uh the husband walked into the kitchen while she was washing dishes and said, Hey, I just want you to know I've been a jerk.
• 24:17
  Don Smith: You know, and she she turned the water off, turned around and said, I have two, that kind of thing.
• 24:22
  Don Smith: And and that moment was their miracle moment.
• 24:24
  Don Smith: And what an incredible moment it was.
• 24:26
  Don Smith: Um, didn't shake the earth, it wasn't lightning bolts, it was just somebody went first.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:31
  Don Smith: Okay, so why is it so hard for someone to go first?
• 24:38
  Don Smith: Pride.
• 24:39
  Don Smith: Oh, I was right, you are wrong, and I'm going to prove it.
• 24:44
  Lisa Smith: I think it's pride is the root of it.
• 24:49
  Don Smith: So good.
• 24:49
  Lisa Smith: To be honest with you.
• 24:51
  Lisa Smith: Um, because I mean, I know you talk to men about leading and all that kind of stuff, but I've talked to women whose husbands don't lead.
• 25:00
  Lisa Smith: Maybe they don't know how, or maybe their wives didn't let them.
• 25:07
  Don Smith: Or a combination of both.
• 25:09
  Lisa Smith: And so I would tell them, hey, sometimes someone has to go first, and if that's you, it's okay.
• 25:17
  Lisa Smith: Be the first one, be the one that serves.
• 25:21
  Lisa Smith: Oh, but he never serves me back.
• 25:23
  Lisa Smith: He doesn't do that.
• 25:24
  Lisa Smith: You just keep serving him, you keep loving him, you keep doing these things, and eventually you will receive what you want from him.
• 25:33
  Don Smith: Okay, now in the next sermon, I started talking about how waiting becomes uncomfortable, decisions become ungodly.
• 25:39
  Lisa Smith: Okay.
• 25:40
  Don Smith: Um, that was a pretty good statement, I think.
• 25:42
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 25:42
  Don Smith: You think so?
• 25:43
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 25:44
  Don Smith: I I th I was pretty good.
• 25:45
  Don Smith: All right, so Sarah's got this promise, but she didn't have any children.
• 25:48
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 25:49
  Don Smith: So uh uh discomfort.
• 25:52
  Don Smith: I I made this statement.
• 25:53
  Don Smith: Discomfort is not God's signal to act, it's actually God's signal to trust.
• 25:58
  Lisa Smith: To trust and wait on him.
• 25:59
  Don Smith: So Sarah didn't say I don't I didn't believe God.
• 26:02
  Don Smith: Uh she just said he's taking too long.
• 26:04
  Don Smith: All right, so that was our story in there.
• 26:07
  Don Smith: So uh and she actually made God a part of the problem when she said the Lord has restrained me.
• 26:15
  Don Smith: This is God's fault.
• 26:16
  Don Smith: He gave me a promise.
• 26:18
  Don Smith: Yet he restrained me.
• 26:20
  Don Smith: Now I didn't talk about that a lot in the sermon because I just don't have time to, you know what I'm saying, to talk about everything.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 26:26
  Don Smith: But what do you hear in that line when Sarah says the Lord has restrained me?
• 26:35
  Don Smith: Do you hear blame?
• 26:36
  Don Smith: Do you hear blaming God?
• 26:37
  Don Smith: Yeah, it's it's this is not my fault.
• 26:39
  Don Smith: Yeah, this is actually God's fault, and so I need to help him.
• 26:43
  Don Smith: I need to I I need to move him along.
• 26:45
  Don Smith: So, how do you think long waits change the way couples talk about God?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 26:55
  Don Smith: Now this is Wedding Wednesday.
• 26:57
  Don Smith: We, if you're watching and you're not a believer, we are glad that you're here.
• 27:00
  Don Smith: We really mean that.
• 27:01
  Don Smith: Uh, thank you for being here.
• 27:03
  Don Smith: But we are unapologetic about our faith in the Lord and what that meant to save our marriage all those years ago.
• 27:09
  Lisa Smith: I was gonna say, I think our faith in the Lord is what saved our marriage because I don't I don't believe we'd be together if we both didn't walk that out.
• 27:18
  Don Smith: But let's I agree for sure.
• 27:21
  Don Smith: So, but long waits can affect our attitude or our thought process about who God is.
• 27:28
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, I mean, I think back on some of our friends when early on when we first got, you know, saved and was starting to get involved in church, and I mean some of them were mentors to us and they are no longer together.
• 27:49
  Don Smith: Several of them.
• 27:50
  Lisa Smith: Several I mean, I only know one that's still together.
• 27:54
  Don Smith: Yeah, that's true.
• 27:55
  Lisa Smith: Out of what, five couples or something like that?
• 27:58
  Lisa Smith: And um which is heartbreaking because I don't know.
• 28:02
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I see some of their stuff on Facebook and some of them don't serve the Lord anymore either.
• 28:09
  Lisa Smith: And so I think when we start blaming God for things, we do lose our faith.
• 28:19
  Lisa Smith: Oh, it's great.
• 28:20
  Lisa Smith: So it's it's and we don't believe God can do anything.
• 28:23
  Don Smith: It's difficult to trust God when or anybody when you feel like they're delaying your benefit on purpose.
• 28:34
  Don Smith: You actually can start to resent.
• 28:36
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 28:37
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 28:38
  Don Smith: Yeah, like this was your idea.
• 28:40
  Lisa Smith: Resentful, bitter, yep, it can happen all of that towards the Lord, and then that gets projected onto everything.
• 28:47
  Lisa Smith: So one spouse in your relationship.
• 28:49
  Don Smith: One spouse will panic, the other will go passive.
• 28:53
  Don Smith: Oh my.
• 28:54
  unknown: Yeah.
• 28:54
  Don Smith: What do you think couples need in that moment when one spouse is panic, maybe the other spouse is passive?
• 28:59
  Don Smith: Man, this is a rapid-fire question for Lisa today.
• 29:04
  Lisa Smith: Repeat the question.
• 29:04
  Don Smith: All right, what do you think couples need in that moment when one of them panics and one of them goes passive?
• 29:10
  Lisa Smith: I think they need the Lord.
• 29:13
  Lisa Smith: Get safe.
• 29:14
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I really do because there's the prophet coming out in her.
• 29:18
  Don Smith: Welcome to my world.
• 29:19
  Lisa Smith: I mean, they they need a faith to lean on.
• 29:22
  Lisa Smith: I think they're trying to do it all in their own strength, is the problem.
• 29:25
  Don Smith: Well, how so good.
• 29:27
  Don Smith: I hope you guys heard that.
• 29:28
  Lisa Smith: Because if you're doing it in your own strength, you're gonna always fail.
• 29:30
  Don Smith: See, this is why we interview her.
• 29:32
  Lisa Smith: You're gonna panic or you're gonna be passive.
• 29:36
  Lisa Smith: Because I I mean, you gotta pray to the Lord for some wisdom.
• 29:41
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I know I say that, and people are like, oh, she always talks about pray, pray, pray, pray.
• 29:47
  Lisa Smith: But I think that's the only way I've gotten through this life is through praying.
• 29:53
  Lisa Smith: I love that.
• 29:54
  Don Smith: I love it.
• 29:55
  Lisa Smith: You know, and sometimes praying makes you stop before you say something stupid.
• 30:01
  Don Smith: There you go.
• 30:02
  Don Smith: Ooh.
• 30:03
  Lisa Smith: You know, you should probably write that down.
• 30:06
  Lisa Smith: You have to pray, and then it settles your heart, it settles your mind.
• 30:10
  Don Smith: Oh, so good.
• 30:12
  Lisa Smith: And then it does put your faith in the Lord and the Lord's timing.
• 30:15
  Don Smith: I love it.
• 30:16
  Lisa Smith: It's not about my timing.
• 30:17
  Don Smith: So and it brings you back to unity.
• 30:19
  Don Smith: And we said in the message, unity is a shield against bad ideas.
• 30:24
  Don Smith: Okay?
• 30:25
  Don Smith: Uh so uh the scripture says in Psalms 27, and Don did buy another Bible and it showed up yesterday.
• 30:32
  Lisa Smith: It's over there.
• 30:35
  Lisa Smith: I should have.
• 30:36
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I guess there's worse things to be addicted to, but hey, our income needs a Bibles, buddy.
• 30:44
  Don Smith: Uh uh.
• 30:45
  Don Smith: Because they weren't the$20 Walmart one.
• 30:47
  Don Smith: You can you can support when today in Pastor Don's Bible addiction.
• 30:51
  Lisa Smith: There's in the show notes, there's a lot of Forget the little deaths.
• 30:57
  Don Smith: Uh all right.
• 30:58
  Don Smith: Um, so Psalms 27, it uh verse 14, wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart.
• 31:05
  Don Smith: Wait on the Lord, I say.
• 31:06
  Don Smith: Uh Ecclesiastes 4, too, says, uh, though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him, and the threefold cord is not quickly broken.
• 31:15
  Don Smith: So unity in waiting is a shield against bad ideas.
• 31:19
  Don Smith: Yes.
• 31:20
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 31:20
  Don Smith: And so we put out this seven days.
• 31:24
  Don Smith: That's why we said most bad decisions happen within the 20 first 24 hours of panic.
• 31:30
  Don Smith: Because you're impatient.
• 31:31
  Don Smith: Now, I'm gonna say that again because some of y'all didn't hear the sermon, and I want you to hear it again on Wedded Wednesday.
• 31:38
  Don Smith: Most bad decisions in marriage happen within the first 24 hours of panic.
• 31:43
  Lisa Smith: You know what?
• 31:44
  Lisa Smith: I spoke to a single lady, and she said that that message was timely for her because she felt every bit of that, even the panic in the 24 hours.
• 31:54
  Don Smith: Because shortcuts cost more later.
• 31:57
  Lisa Smith: She goes, I can see that because that's where I was at.
• 32:00
  Lisa Smith: She goes, This was perfect even for a single person.
• 32:04
  Don Smith: All right.
• 32:04
  Don Smith: So we're we're getting it was great.
• 32:06
  Don Smith: And this these messages really uh someone even came up to me on Sunday and said, Well, Pastor Don, what are we how are we speaking to single people?
• 32:15
  Don Smith: And I and every every year when I do the Marriage Sermon series, I get that because you know I get it.
• 32:20
  Don Smith: People think, well, we're just we're alienating.
• 32:22
  Don Smith: We speak to single people all year long.
• 32:24
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 32:25
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 32:26
  Don Smith: I'm just focusing on this one topic right now.
• 32:28
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, it's a topic.
• 32:29
  Lisa Smith: It doesn't mean it doesn't alienate you can't apply it.
• 32:32
  Lisa Smith: So there are life.
• 32:33
  Don Smith: Relational issues, all of this is applicable.
• 32:35
  Lisa Smith: This works for your job.
• 32:37
  Don Smith: Everything.
• 32:38
  Don Smith: Everything.
• 32:38
  Lisa Smith: Your family.
• 32:39
  Don Smith: Right.
• 32:40
  Don Smith: Um, so all things.
• 32:41
  Don Smith: Let me ask you this as we get close to the close here today, all right?
• 32:44
  Don Smith: Because I don't want to carry us on forever.
• 32:46
  Don Smith: But I think it's important.
• 32:48
  Don Smith: Um, shortcut cuts, shortcuts and blame.
• 32:53
  Don Smith: Um they are often not very far from each other.
• 32:58
  Don Smith: In other words, you you usually find them.
• 33:00
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 33:01
  Don Smith: Where you find couples blaming each other, you can usually find a shortcut they took somewhere.
• 33:08
  Don Smith: Or where you find couples have taken a shortcut, you can usually find that they've been blaming each other.
• 33:15
  Don Smith: Right.
• 33:16
  Don Smith: So shortcuts and blame, why they they go together.
• 33:19
  Don Smith: They you just can't.
• 33:20
  Don Smith: They're always together.
• 33:22
  Don Smith: So for a couple who's already taken a shortcut and uh is on the long road back, what do you want them to hear today?
• 33:31
  Don Smith: Come on, just give them your best piece of advice.
• 33:36
  Lisa Smith: There's always hope.
• 33:37
  Lisa Smith: I like it.
• 33:38
  Lisa Smith: Put your pride aside and work on what you need to work on because I guarantee you each individual knows what they need to work on.
• 33:48
  Lisa Smith: You know what you need to work on.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 33:51
  Lisa Smith: I don't need to tell you that.
• 33:53
  Lisa Smith: I know what I need to work on.
• 33:54
  Don Smith: I closed uh uh the the messages past week with this kind of idea the couple who waits together wins together.
• 34:00
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 34:01
  Lisa Smith: Um waiting is the hardest thing to do, so why not wait together in unity?
• 34:07
  Don Smith: I love it.
• 34:07
  Don Smith: And the couple who shortcuts cuts short their blessings.
• 34:11
  Lisa Smith: Yes.
• 34:11
  Don Smith: Okay, true.
• 34:12
  Don Smith: That that was one of those things.
• 34:13
  Don Smith: And so we we had the hourglass up there and and we flipped it over, and we we we literally said that you know, the sand in the glass is a picture of God's grace.
• 34:26
  Don Smith: And what we should not do is flip it over until in midway.
• 34:31
  Don Smith: Yeah, until it's finished.
• 34:32
  Don Smith: Because you're frustrated.
• 34:33
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, so now but that's what people want to do.
• 34:35
  Lisa Smith: So now that hour that it takes that sand to go through You've just extended it.
• 34:40
  Lisa Smith: You just made it longer.
• 34:42
  Lisa Smith: So the longer you the more you keep flipping it, yeah, the more you keep taking the shortcuts, the longer the travel is.
• 34:49
  Don Smith: So if the sand is God's grace, all right, let God's grace do its work.
• 34:53
  Don Smith: Don't flip it before God is done.
• 34:56
  Lisa Smith: And and that's one of the things taking something out of the oven before it's cooking.
• 35:01
  Don Smith: It's it's not gonna be it's not gonna be edible.
• 35:03
  Don Smith: And a lot of people are thinking that same way about their marriage.
• 35:07
  Don Smith: It's just not something I enjoy anymore.
• 35:09
  Don Smith: Yeah, it's a bad taste in my mouth.
• 35:11
  Lisa Smith: Let it finish cooking.
• 35:12
  Don Smith: We hope that Wedding Wednesday will help you with those things, okay?
• 35:15
  Don Smith: Um, we're excited about this.
• 35:18
  Don Smith: Um today as we close, Lisa, what do you think couples are most tempted to skip?
• 35:31
  Don Smith: Which one of the tools?
• 35:35
  Lisa Smith: Oh, I don't know.
• 35:38
  Don Smith: I listen, I I don't give her the questions in the band.
• 35:42
  Don Smith: They skip it because they just they they just want to sweep it on the rug, and if we don't talk about it, it'll be better.
• 35:47
  Don Smith: That's a shortcut.
• 35:48
  Lisa Smith: The honesty.
• 35:49
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, it's the honesty, it's uh heart to heart, face to face.
• 35:55
  Lisa Smith: Not text, message, or email.
• 35:58
  Lisa Smith: Heart to heart, face to face.
• 36:00
  Lisa Smith: They skip that.
• 36:01
  Don Smith: I love it.
• 36:02
  Don Smith: Don't skip that because it's too hard.
• 36:04
  Don Smith: All right, now listen, if you're local, okay, uh, we want you to come.
• 36:08
  Don Smith: If you don't have a home church, we want you to come to Firm Foundation Ministries this coming Sunday, uh, which will be oh, I don't have my date in front of me, but it's October here.
• 36:16
  Don Smith: Um anyway, uh 8, 10, and noon.
• 36:19
  Don Smith: We have three Sunday morning services.
• 36:21
  Don Smith: You are welcome.
• 36:21
  Don Smith: We're in the middle of October 18th.
• 36:23
  Don Smith: October 18th.
• 36:24
  Don Smith: There you go.
• 36:24
  Don Smith: Uh 2026 at the time of this recording.
• 36:27
  Don Smith: Uh, we're in the middle of our marriage sermon series called Mana for Marriage.
• 36:31
  Don Smith: This will be the third week.
• 36:33
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 36:33
  Don Smith: Uh, and we're speaking right to some things.
• 36:35
  Don Smith: Now, I'm gonna give you a little preview.
• 36:37
  Lisa Smith: Now, maybe I shouldn't no, don't okay, no.
• 36:40
  Lisa Smith: Don't give them a preview.
• 36:41
  Don Smith: But this is one of the things this is one of the wrestlings that we often work with couples on in crisis marriage counseling, the topic I'm gonna be dealing with this week.
• 36:51
  Don Smith: Um, so it's gonna be really good.
• 36:53
  Don Smith: I won't tell you what it is because you gotta be here.
• 36:55
  Don Smith: If you're not local, you can always watch us live, okay?
• 36:58
  Don Smith: On the on our pages.
• 36:59
  Don Smith: You can watch it later on our YouTube page.
• 37:01
  Don Smith: But whatever you do, please, you and your spouse, wherever you're at, take some time and invest in your marriage.
• 37:06
  Don Smith: We've asked for 56 days.
• 37:10
  Don Smith: Right?
• 37:11
  Don Smith: Uh we've got some follow-up devotions.
• 37:13
  Don Smith: If you're not local and you want those devotions, you can contact us.
• 37:16
  Don Smith: You can put us a message.
• 37:18
  Don Smith: We we um we will figure out how to get you all of those things that you need.
• 37:23
  Don Smith: We just need your email.
• 37:24
  Don Smith: We can email you the devotions.
• 37:25
  Don Smith: They come out every day.
• 37:26
  Don Smith: So there's six-day devotions that follow the sermon.
• 37:29
  Don Smith: So we got seven days that we're working on things.
• 37:31
  Don Smith: It's a lot of fun.
• 37:32
  Don Smith: Uh, we want you to be here.
• 37:34
  Don Smith: But today we thank you all for being here, right?
• 37:37
  Don Smith: On Wedded Wednesday.
• 37:38
  Don Smith: We hope you look forward to being back next week.
• 37:40
  Don Smith: We need you to do us a favor, though.
• 37:41
  Don Smith: Share, like, do all the stuff.
• 37:43
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 37:44
  Don Smith: If you're listening on the podcast, uh, we we thank you for listening on the podcast.
• 37:49
  Don Smith: Uh, we hope you're subscribed.
• 37:50
  Don Smith: If you're not, do that right now.
• 37:52
  Don Smith: Go down in the show notes, take advantage of all of that stuff as well.
• 37:56
  Don Smith: But do it the biggest favor we want for you on the podcast is that you would just share the link on your social media.
• 38:02
  Don Smith: Like if you listen on Spotify, you can share the link.
• 38:05
  Don Smith: If you listen on Apple, wherever you get your podcast at, you you can just share the link on your social media.
• 38:10
  Don Smith: I guarantee you, if this little talk has helped you, it'll help somebody else.
• 38:13
  Lisa Smith: And uh even just makes you think.
• 38:16
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 38:16
  Don Smith: Uh, so that's incredibly powerful, to be honest with you.
• 38:20
  Don Smith: Uh, right now, as the time of this recording, the podcast is being listened to in 73 countries.
• 38:28
  Lisa Smith: Really?
• 38:28
  Lisa Smith: Wow.
• 38:29
  Don Smith: 73 different countries.
• 38:31
  Don Smith: This one?
• 38:32
  Don Smith: It's it's incredible what's happening here with this topic.
• 38:35
  Don Smith: And so we want you to take advantage of it and help us in that way.
• 38:40
  Don Smith: Uh, if you'd like to help support on a monthly basis, whether Wednesday or Pastor Don's Bible addiction, I'm gonna put a link in there.
• 38:52
  Don Smith: Uh it's great.
• 38:53
  Don Smith: Hey, we want to pray for you guys.
• 38:55
  Don Smith: Can we pray?
• 38:55
  Don Smith: Pray with us, Father.
• 38:57
  Don Smith: Forgive us for protecting our egos more than our marriages.
• 39:00
  Don Smith: Forgive us for blaming the person we promised to cherish.
• 39:04
  Don Smith: Today, we trade blame and ownership or for ownership and pride for humility.
• 39:10
  Don Smith: Forgive us for treating you like a vending machine, for panicking when you're just preparing us.
• 39:16
  Don Smith: And what we want to do is just renounce the shortcut of every plan B and recommit to your timing, even Lord, if it's uncomfortable.
• 39:25
  Lisa Smith: Well, Father God, I just thank you for everyone that listens, Lord Jesus.
• 39:29
  Lisa Smith: I know that they hear this for a reason.
• 39:34
  Lisa Smith: And Father God, I pray right now for each couple, Lord, that they can put their pride aside and that they will lift each other up to you, Lord, and see see them with your eyes, Father God.
• 39:45
  Lisa Smith: And Lord, that they can have that face-to-face, heart-to-heart, honest moments, Lord, with no judgment, with no um defensiveness, but Father God, with a heart to understand one another.
• 39:58
  Lisa Smith: Amen.
• 39:59
  Lisa Smith: And Lord, that you will continue to bless them as they do that in Jesus' name.
• 40:04
  Lisa Smith: Amen.
• 40:05
  Don Smith: Hey, we love you guys.
• 40:05
  Don Smith: Thank you so much.
• 40:06
  Don Smith: Remember, like, share, subscribe, whatever you're doing.
• 40:08
  Don Smith: Uh, help us with Wedded Wednesday.
• 40:11
  Don Smith: Be here on Sunday.
• 40:13
  Don Smith: It's gonna be great.
• 40:14
  Don Smith: 8 a.m., 10 a.m.
• 40:15
  Don Smith: at noon.
• 40:16
  Don Smith: We got plenty of room for you in the 8 a.m.
• 40:18
  Don Smith: and the noon services.
• 40:19
  Don Smith: Uh the 10 a.m.
• 40:21
  Don Smith: service is full, but hey, if you it's the only time you can get here, we will make room.
• 40:25
  Don Smith: We'll squeeze in.
• 40:26
  Don Smith: We got we'll put you somewhere.
• 40:27
  Don Smith: Oh, you can sit right next to me and Lisa.
• 40:29
  Don Smith: How about that?
• 40:30
  Don Smith: Anyway, God bless you.
• 40:31
  Don Smith: We look forward to seeing you next time.
• 40:33
  Don Smith: See ya.
• 40:34
  Don Smith: Yeah, have a great day.