Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / From Survival Mode to Sacred Healing with Hassan Davis

Transcript

From Survival Mode to Sacred Healing with Hassan Davis · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to jess Hell with Doctor j a production of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: another episode with Just Hell with Doctor Jay and I
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: am your host, Doctor J. Barnett. Listen, before you get
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: into this episode, I want you to join our healing community,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Healing Hub, Healing circcle, whatever fits you. We are really
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: doing some amazing things here on the Just Hell Podcast.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: What I love about this podcast is we have individuals
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: from all walks of life come to share their journey
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: through their mental health stories and through their emotional, spiritual, physical.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: We get to cover all aspects pertaining to wellness. And
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: that's what I love about this podcast. So subscribe, like,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: tell your friends, share, do all of those things, and
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: we're going to get right into it. So today I
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: have the honor of sitting with a great friend of mine.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Is a great brother, met many years ago, phenomenal trainer,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: even more a phenomenal story. And so today we're going
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: to take the healing journey with our guests, Hassan Davis,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: my good brother officiate. Long time happened all the time,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: long time time. This is a long time coming. We
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: did a did a live together. I remember during the
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Little Limit. Yeah, and at that time, CEJ I was
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: kind of flirting with my own show. At that time,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: I did a live and I had like different people
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: get on and talk about, you know, managing the mental
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: health during the pandemic and all that stuff. Man. So
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Assan was one of my guests, and we talk about
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: fitness and all things health and staying health and all
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: those things. Absolutely absolutely, man, Now we got got production
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: and all this. Man. Yeah, yeah, as supolks saying God
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: has been good.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Right, absolutely absolutely, man.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Listen, Before I started the episode, right, I asked every
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: guest this question. I don't ask how you doing, I
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: asked how you feeling. So how you feeling today.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Man, I'm feeling I'm feeling rested, feeling great. I feel good. Brother,
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I feel good to be alive. Seriously, I mean that's
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: an understatement. Just one of my brothers just passed the
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: past last week. So it's just a great feeling just
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: to be alive and still continue to live in your purpose. Wow.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love how you led with man. I feel rested, right, yeah,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: because that's not the norm for a lot of men.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And when you think about rest for you and you
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: think about the word rested is what comes to your mind.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: It's more than sleep, you know about the grace of God.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I got the how can I say the blessings to
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: handle a lot of course, running the gym, running a
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: bodybuilding team, running a two more other businesses, running a family,
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: children who are very active in sports. It's just a
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: time to reorganize my thoughts, where I'm going wrong, at
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: where I can improve at. So it's more of you know,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I know women say it's me time. No, it's like
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: me time to just kind of reorganize everything and trying
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: to you know, fix problems or just deal with myself
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: so I can make whatever I'm doing better.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I love how you you said reorganized because
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I think when you place it in that frame, that
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're not organized. It just means that
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: you have to reorganize what was one set. Absolutely, And
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I think we as men should really lean into that
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: space more reorganizing our lives, because sometimes we can get
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: on autopilot right right, And I feel like a lot
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: of men are on autopilot and they find themselves asleep
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: at the wheel because they haven't reorganized their life and
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: they haven't done anything different. And for you ASUD, you've
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: had to all always do things different, right, and I
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: know some of your story, but for you doing things different,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: was that because of how you grew up that you
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: had to do things different. I know you was raised
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: in Jersey and and and if you can kind of
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: start there, and because you you had some moments that
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: were sort of like life changing moments that kind of
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: put you on a different path.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, definitely had to do something differently. I'll be
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: dead in jail period. Period. It was gonna be one
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: or two. Okay. If I would have continued the way
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I was going, it would have been probably life in prison. Dead.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: When I look back at it, I always ask godw
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: what I mean? I got just a just just a
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: you know, I grew up single parent mom in the hood,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: neighborhood of Patterson, New Jersey. I was a good kid
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: like everybody else, plays sports like you, football, basketball, baseball.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Story is that, you know, I had a full ride
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: in college, came home, threw it all the way to
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: hop in the drug game. You know, you just be
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: influenced by your neighborhood, your friends, and things that you see.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: All my friends are either most likely you're dead, deported
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: back to Jamaica, charges and stuff like that, and I
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: look at some things that I was into and I
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: had to again look at my life and see where
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I wanted to go or did you let me back up? Honestly,
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: a lot of my anger issues and stuff like that
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: became came because I didn't have a father in my life,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: real talk, you know what I mean. So when you
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: really look back at it, a lot of them. You know,
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: I grew up kind of even though I mean I
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: played Junior Olympics, MVP, All Stars, everything, got the accolades
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: of sports. But I grew up angry. Jay. I was
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: really angry at my father. You get what I'm saying.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: So even though I was a good and a lot
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: of things, I still had an attitude and cost me
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: a lot. Like I said, again, my own attitude through
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: a way of full scholarship, my own attitude could have
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: got me life in prison one time. Thank God, the
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: gun jam. So you know, I always ask God why,
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: and so a lot of that came from not having
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: a father in my life. My father was a hustler,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: you know, That's all I knew of him. He was
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: a drug dealer. My mom, you know, at some point
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: in his life he got hooked at his own supply
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: crack cocaine. My mom was a beautiful black woman who
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: was a beautician, but unfortunately she got hooked on crack cocaine.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: So I had had two parents on crack cocaine. So
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I had to go live with my grandmother in the
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: crowded house. So you know, you always have that sense
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: of how can I say that emotion and aggravation, not
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: feeling wanted. You kind of get what I'm saying. Yeah,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: and then I have to you know, at the point
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: in my life, I had to again reorganize myself and
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: say which way I wanted to go in life.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: So when you think about having not one but both
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: parents addicts, right, what did that do to your confidence
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: as a child as a young black boy who desired
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: to have his father?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I mean it's low. I mean honestly, you ask yourself
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: like because you you know, when you grow up like that,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: you don't have a lot of things as a young
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: as a young child coming to I'm talking about clothes,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: you know, you might not have what the other so
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: you feel inadequate. You feel a certain type of way,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: so you're willing at that very moment to do things
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: to get things. You get what I'm saying. And so
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: when I looked at especially my mom, you know, my
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: mom went from you know, I'm just going to just
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: keep it one thousand. My mom with him a you know,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: from crack co came to prostitution. So when you know
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about at the age of eighteen nineteen, seeing this,
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: you get what I'm saying. So you got to understand
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: how that what that do to you as a young male,
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: seeing your own mom out there trying to get you know,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: doing things to get high, and so you know, it
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: puts a lot in your mind, puts a lot of
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: stress on your mind. It's still your mom at the
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: end of the day. It's very traumatic, you know. You know, trauma,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: you know is not always what you do to somebody's
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: something that happened to you. You get what I'm saying,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: and so you know, it was very traumatic. You know.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: So again that started to make me not wanting to
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: care about life, you know, go harder than the drug game,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: becoming very even more wilder. And that was basically it.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: You know, especially with my mom. You know, I really
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: didn't have a connection with my father. My father tried
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: to commit suicide in front of me. Oh, he owed,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: eating from me, And at that point in life, I
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: didn't care. He died real tall, I was standing right
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: over him. I didn't even care he died, he owed,
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: he tried to took a bottle of pills, swallowed him,
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: try to kill himself in something his mother room, my grandmother.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I didn't care because there was no connection between me
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: and him. You get what I'm saying. So a lot
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: of my anger issues came was because of my own
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: father not being there.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: When you when you when you talk about you didn't care.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: And I resonate with that story as well for my
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: stepfather on not him trying to take his life, but
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: me wanted to take his life right and not care
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: how it ended for me. When was the first time
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: that you realized that you had to do something different?
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: What was that moment where you said to yourself.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: I gotta change And I got it.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I got to heal from this pain, from this anger.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Because so many men, and you and I talk about
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: this a lot, just so many men don't wake up.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: They never come to that epiphany or have that awakening
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: where it's like, you know what man, I gotta change.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: What was that moment for you?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I think it's always somebody coming to you and saying
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: or giving you guidance. It's up to you to take
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: the guidance or not. You know, even though I was
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: on the block and I was doing what I was doing,
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I will always have people come up to me and say,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: you know what, man, you don't belong out here. It's
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: something different about you, or you know. Sometimes you know,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: the brothers of course from the nation would come around
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: the block and talk to the brothers and stuff like
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: that on the corner. And sometimes you can see who
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: will sit there in this list. I was one. I
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: was one of the ones that was just sit there
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: and listen. And so it was somebody who brought some
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: information to me that look that I saw that I
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: was really basically our own enemy to my own neighborhood.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: And so I had to, you know, checked myself. And
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: then I started going on the spiritual journey. Even though
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I was doing what I was doing, a lot of people,
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: a lot of brothers on the block know I was
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: reading books. I started to read books. I started to
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: read things on spirituality and stuff like that. And so
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: when I was out there doing what I was doing,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: your own conscious starts to eat at you. And so
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I would say, about the age of nine, about twenty
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: years old, I just had that spiritual awakening.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: What was it like for you?
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: It was, it was different. It was you gotta understand.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: It's like one day you selling drugs, you getting money,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: and then the next day you walk out out your
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: house and you got a suit and tie. They thought
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I wasn't crazy in the hood. It my block thought
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I had flipped the wig. I gave my scale away,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: I gave my I split my drugs while I gave
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: all my drugs away because I wasn't doing I wasn't smoking.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: The more I spent my money and have to my
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: arms my homeboy, so it looked at foreign. It looked weird.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: It looked like I went crazy, honestly, but some understood.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Some made fun of me. But I knew I would.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I knew that if I continued and what I was
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: getting into, that I was gonna make it. As matter
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: of fact, God gave me a vision one night one
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: of my cup one of my family members came up
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: from South Carolina, and that it was going to make
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: a run to down South bring some drugs on them
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: on a Greyhound. I had a dream one night that
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I was not going to make it back. Woh and
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: I paid attention to that dream. So it was God
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: just sending people, God just giving me vision. And I
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: had to recognize that because some people don't recognize it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Oh man, I won't sit in there for a second.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And I'm just grateful. And another thing is
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: too you know, I can't you know, I'm not gonna
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: say names. Rest in peace to one of my brothers.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I remember one time we was going to go make
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: a robbery. Man. We was going to make a robbery
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: in the white Jewish neighborhood. So I know I got caught.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I thought I probably still so real talk. So we
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: was at the bank about to go make a robbery.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: For some reason, nobody came out the bank. You know,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: people come in and out the bank, but this day
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: nobody was coming out the bank. So we got restless.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Saw a lady walking this town called Fairlawn, New Jersey.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: It's predominantly Jewish. We did go, so I got out
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: the car to go rob the lady. As soon as
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I'm about to rob her. A big voice in my
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: head came up and said, look to your left. I
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: looked to my left. It was a police officer sitting
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: right there. He never saw me. He was basically doing
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: something on his computer in his car. I saw it.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: I turned around, I got back in the car. He
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: drove off. I keep on asking myself why at my
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: partner who was with me? He just died two years ago. Wow.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: So you know, so it seems like, man, there's been
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: this divine protection, and it.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Has when I look back at it. It has even
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: when I was doing things when I was young, because
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: even though my father was not in my life, he
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: was known, so a lot of dudes who grew up
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: in the neighborhood knew I was his son. So they
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: will always be like Enthrue ray boys son or Raymond something.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: When I was doing something wrong, when I look back at,
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: I always had some type of protection around me. Jay,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: either it was by way of a morning or somebody
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: coming to tell me something to help me change my
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: lifestyle because they saw something to me that was totally different.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: So you know, I'm thankful, man, I'm skiing.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I'm taking it all there.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Man, be right.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: You know when when individuals, especially people that I know, right,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I've known you.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I don't think we've got into that.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we never got into that, right, But I can
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: feel the healing taking place even inside of me because
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I think about how often we don't realize that we
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: are protected by unseen dangers. They don't know it, right,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And navigating your journey of healing, and navigating your journey
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: that you went on spiritually really place you under the
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: hands of angels in a sense, right, absolutely, right, because
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: it's like look to the left and right and here
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: comes a dream. Right. It's all of these sort of interventions, right,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: meanings that are happening because there's something else on the
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: inside of you when you think about having this divine protection.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Navigating pat Us in New Jersey, which people don't realize.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: If you come out of Patterson, it's rough. It's rough.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: It's rough. It's small city about one hundred and seventy
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: thousand people seventeen square miles, but it's eighty percent hood.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: So it's rough. I mean, you can't you know, unfortunately,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: you know it just can't be a bunk and you
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: know you're gonna get your chin try. It's just one
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: of those track of cities. It's a nitty gritty type
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: of city. I graduated from the movie Lean On Me
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: High School Eastide High School. That is a real high school.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: We had this sing that song every morning, so lean on.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Me was it was Joe the principal.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: When we saw Joe, Joe Clark had just left that
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: year when I went. So but I got a chance
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: to meet Joe one time when I was playing ball
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: in college. Give what I'm saying. So, but he was
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: a good He was a good dude. He was basically
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: what young men needed in a high school that sits
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: in the neighborhood like that. He was just he was
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: just a male role model, father figure that a lot
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: of us just didn't have. But yes, Pattison, New Jersey,
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: it's a very small, rough, rough city.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: You know when when you think about where you are
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: now today and we'll fast forward right, family man, and
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: and two if you can go back, if you could
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: just talk about how the nation right played a great
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: had or had a great impact and was very instrumental
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: to your self discovery.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Because I feel like that's what most men lack. Right, Absolutely,
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: I didn't look again, you know, I mean, your identity
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: growing up in the neighborhoods. Sometimes it's pension hustlers. You
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: get what I'm saying, And that's that's a false identity.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: That's the identity that a lot of us who grow
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: up in certain areas and surroundings get accustomed to. And honestly,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: that's what I was accustomed to. You know, your father,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: your mom, your uncles all hustlers, gangsters around. Yes, but
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: sometimes that's what you want to inspire to be. And
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: so when I have my awakening, it was through the
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: teachings of the most Honorable Large Muhammad, through the automives,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: little fire Khon, a lot of brothers to come on
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: the block and talk to us, and so I would
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: always gravitate to the teachers. And then one of my boys,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: who I grew up with what I came up with,
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: he came one time. He had a Super Bowl time.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: I couldn't believe it. So I said, then if he
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: can do it, I know I can. We still like
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: this to this very day. But through the teachings and
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: the nation, it gave me my identity under it made
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: me know who I am as a black man. You
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: give me what I'm saying, I'm not a pimp. I'm
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: not a hustle. I'm not a gangster. You know, I
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: have we have true real history as a people. You know,
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: we are rich mentally spiritually. So it gave me all
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: of that when I needed as a young man. That
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: helped me grow into the person that I'm still growing
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: into this very day. Yeah. So, and then I got
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: around other young black men or men period brothers who
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: had families. They was fathers, they was working, wasn't doing
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: the things that I used to do. They were on
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: the righteous path. And so again you know, you say,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: if you show me five hustlers and you hanging with them,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: you will be the six Yeah.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Talk.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: And so with that being said, you showed me five
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: group of men who are working for something positive, and
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: you be and you start hanging with them, you would
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: be the sixth one work or worker for certain good
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: and positive and that's all it is, you know. And
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: the nation, to the minister, helped me change my life forever.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: So I'm on forever grateful, forever grateful.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Did the nation have an impact on the husband the
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: type of husband that she became.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, because I ain't. But I ain't. I ain't
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: know nothing about no love my wife. Now, I was
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: supposed to marry her. She was one of the women.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: She was one of the many women that I was
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: dating up when I was out in the world doing
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: what I was doing, and she was supposed to marry
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: me when I joined the nation, because she came with me.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: She asked you one question over the phone, do you
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: love me? I said, I can get to I can
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: get to learn how to love you. I didn't know
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: what love was. She left me because of that very statement.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: It came back nine years later. We've now we've been
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: together to this very day, seventeen years.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: It is my anniversary, so day university.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Happen to have a bird man seventeen years, seventeen years.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: But yeah, so I didn't know how to love you, understand,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't know what love was. I didn't
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: come from that. I came from nothing but hardcore hardness,
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: no love again, both mama, both parents on drugs. I
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: don't know what love is. I just know the streets
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: right now, That's all I know.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Did you ever give your mom and dad said they
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: love me?
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Never? Never? I never saw my mom says she I
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: knew she can say I do. I think I knew
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: she loved me. Yeah, of course you work, but I
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: never heard her say it. I never heard my father
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: say only till now to my adult of my adulthood years.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and when was the first time when you able
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: to connect with the not just the feeling, but the
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: emotion of love to even utter those words to your wife?
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Do the minister? The minister really explained what love was
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: and what love is. He said, love is duty. Love
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: is not just mere words that you say. Love is
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: about you getting up and you proven, you prove yourself
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: that you love this person or you love What you
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: do is duty behind it. And so I have to
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: learn that. It took me almost two and a half years.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Even in the nation, when brother will say I love you,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: I never said it back to them. I have to
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: grow into that. I have to learn through duty and
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: being around it more and more and seeing more black
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: showing love.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Because's not believe it or not. I realize for most
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: of us as men, right, we like I often hear says, well,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know why he can't tell me you love me,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: this and that, and it's so easy for them, but
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: they don't realize. Most men don't.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Hear that absolutely not.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: And then if we hear that, it's often you gotta
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: do something to get this absolutely right, it's far, it's feign,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: It's very feign right. And it was your experience with
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: the brothers, like they were telling you that they love
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: you just because of who you were, not because you
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: did something well, just because.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Of who I was and what you was doing. And
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: you were doing the light the same thing and trying
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: to help clean up your community. So brother, I love
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: you just for doing but I didn't understand until again,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: I had to be around it. You give what I'm saying.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: And so once you around it more and more and more,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: then you understand, you understand it better. And then from
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: that point then I understood what love, what I embraced it.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't feel like it was.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: A punk thing.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Come on, you feel like your masculinity, felt like masculinity
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: was at state. You give what I'm saying, because unfortunately,
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: you just can't do that out. And then there in
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: the world, you know, in the neighborhood on the block,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Your love is just a
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: dap up, that's it. You know what I'm saying, or
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: poon you can't show too many weak emotions. I mean,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: so I had to relearn love and understand what love was.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: What was it like the first time that you experienced
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: being vulnerable?
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I mean for me, I will say nervous, you know,
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: can you carry that? Was it with your wife or
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: was it in like what was it setting? I would say,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: just Uh, it was two things. It was one of
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: what it was. One with therapy. I had a therapy session, uh,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: and then another two was just probably with my wife,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: you know, opening up to her. But one was the
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: therapy session. Brother. Honestly, that's the first time I ever
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: opened up like that. It was really about the you know,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: not not to go backwards. My mom was murdered. So
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: my mom was murdered. My mom was stabbed about twenty
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: seven times, and then that left dead in the railroad
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: tracks over a situation where over cracked cocaine. So a
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: drug deal that went wrong. You know, the dude took
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: it out and my mom killed the left for dead.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: But come to find out, she had nothing to do
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: with it, you get what I'm saying. So that traumatized
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: me because again I was close. I was very close
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: for my mom, even though she was drup addicted and
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: So I had to really get into that to let
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: that part of me, you know, kind of not just go,
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: but not hold me back. Get you know what I'm saying,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: because now I be depressed about it. Every time I'm
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: ready to talk about my mother, you get you know
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying, like crying or tears come in my eyes.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: I had to go to therapy for that.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean even if you did, that's a real
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: grief them.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's traumatizing. Yeah, that's trying to hold when he
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: was twenty one one, twenty one years old, twenty one,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: you know, it hit It hit me real hard, even
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: though I know it was you know, being out in
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: that world and a lifestyle could come with it, but
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: you never want you never don't think it's going to
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: actually happen to your loved one like that. So but yeah,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I was twenty one years old.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Jay, So you're sitting in therapy, and sure the therapist
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: kind of directed a question toward the experience that had happened,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: or to the event kind.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Of the experience like kind of like basically like kind
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: of like what you're dealing with, like what are you
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: dealing with? And stick on that, And so we kind
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: of like hammered on that part because that was really
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: a big, you know part that I was dealing with,
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: you know, for my mom. Yeah.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: So and that allows you to realize that you have
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: real feelings, right.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: I opened up tears, tissue, all of that, and uh,
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: it's just opened another side of me, you know, instead
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: of keeping everything so tight, you know, bottled, and it
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: expressed me to let some things out.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: And then you see your next ones with your wife
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: and do you feel that what happened at that point
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: allowed you to be open with her?
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Or did you have to find a new way of
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: being you know what.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest with you, Jay, This woman good. You
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: get what I mean by that. She's good. She is
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: what I need. I wouldn't be what I am today,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: even with the businesses I happened, was not for her.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: She's a man, you know, beautiful woman. So what I'm
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: hearing is you just felt safe. Yeah, she's safe and
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: like she ain't that type. She just you know, ride
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: or die. Need to talk to me, I'm all ears.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: Let me give you a kiss hull after that, and
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: you want me to write some bath water after that?
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: You need something to eat? Bring my plates, brother, I'm good.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Like honestly, it's like with a woman like that, you know,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: what can you not talk to her about?
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm CJ. This is a card tail moment. He's
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: a card tail moment. What can you not talk to her?
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: I'm good, solid, solid. You don't, by the grace of God,
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: she don't work, you know, I was, you know, got
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: to a point where you know, I fired her boss
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: and you know, and I say, even with that, she
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: was still good. But the love even got deeper, love
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: even got heavier. Really, you know, yeah, you know you
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: fire my boss, I don't have to go to work.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: I can stay home and I could do what I want. Yeah,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: you can do what you want. And so you know again, man,
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: love is duty and so.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Talk talk because I'm old to hear about this. Sorry,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Like you said, the love got deeper? How much deeper
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: could you?
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Guys?
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Go? Man?
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Oh man, like, what did you learn?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: What did you discover more of? Because because what I
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: feel is just just since I've loved I think I've
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: been going from Houston now about almost five years, but
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: just to see the growth and not just in the business,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: but even in just you. I can see it because
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I've worked with enough couples. I can tell when a
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: man is loved with right. Right, I can tell when
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: a man is married but he's single and not single
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: like I asked for a single that he doesn't feel
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: connected to the union and vice versaal. But I can
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: feel that this is not just a marriage, right, this
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: is a covenant.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: It's a covenant. It's a covenant, bro, And so it's
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: it's good, Jay, you know what I work with. I work.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: I trained some of the beautiful and baddest women you can.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: You can imagine when you make people. Men come to
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: the gym and ask me how do I do it?
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Like how you be around all these beautiful women? And
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: you don't step out? Because I got true love. I
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: got true love at home, man, So you gotta ask one.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: So you gotta ask yourself the question if for five
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: minutes a pleasure word for destroying a whole covenant, a
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: whole family, you know something that, Yeah, it didn't happen overnight.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: But I'm not gonna find her again, c J. So
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: the thing I'm not gonna find her again. I ain't
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: gonna find her again. So the thing is, she makes
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: my household run. I don't have to say not one word.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: Only time when my boys get a little rowdy. I
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: raised my voice for my wife, for the house a lot.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: You know, the woman is the cornerstone to the family,
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: and so I don't know if I'm going to find
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: a little cornerstone like her.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you this.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Did she heal little her son through loving you? I
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: will say yes, uh and no to a degree. But
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: plays a big role in it, big time. She calms
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: me down. But still because they already know your athlete,
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: once an athlete, always an athlete. You still got that
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: aggress society. You get what I'm saying. It's like I
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: got that, So I still got that aggress society to it, yo,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: you know, And she got to talk me down sometimes, Yah,
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: even though I'm spiritual.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Golly, God said, dog down, God said, I got grace
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: to my grace.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Do come to it right?
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Sell that dog go.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: Ball them to look like she's the one that balanced
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: me when I'm gong go you give what I'm saying,
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: and she's totally opposite of me. I mean, you know,
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: I'm here, she's not. She's down here.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And I want to say something to that because and
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I want to give those who watched this picture. We're
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: often looking for this that's.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: Not marriage, you know it's not.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: It should be this right because having this does this right. Absolutely,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: it brings it to balance. Right, we have to stop
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: looking for another us. I don't want another meeting.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want another man.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: I couldn't date another meting.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: I couldn't at all. I just said another I cannot.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Thank God, my wife is the way she is. I
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: could not date or marry a woman. And I'm knocking
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: those type of women who's out there getting it. You know,
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: I love them to death. But at the end of
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: the day, for me, I couldn't marry another woman like
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: that who's like me. You get what I'm saying. It
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: won't work. You know, I need somebody to bring me down.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: I need somebody to talk some sensing to me. Sometimes
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I need somebody to give me a different picture other
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: than the go go go mo. So it helps me
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: to think and slow my ass down. Jay, So I
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: may even put everything into perspective by listening to the
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: other side. And I think, as men once, sometimes we
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: get caught up in our own ego and we don't
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: listen to the feminine side of us, which is she
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: is giving us another look at it from a different
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: golly point of view. You give what I'm saying, and
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: so I have to take my own self out and
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: listen to her. You know, she has saved me a
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: lot of times. She has talked sensence to me, a
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: lot of times. And so for that reason, like I said,
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying they're out They're not out there, but
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna find another one like her.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: For the good brothers that it out there. Watch, I'm
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: gonna tell y'all this on this little break man. Listen,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: find somebody that doesn't mirror you, but somebody that reflects
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: parts of you that you're not willing to look at.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Right and I won't to say that again, that reflects
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: parts of you that you're not willing to look at
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: because you her brother and son says, sometimes she has
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: to talk sentence and that doesn't mean that he doesn't
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: have sense, but it's to give you a different look,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: a different picture, a different POV. Because what I love
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: about marriage and relationships is this fluidity of just differences
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: of where we come from, our experience, how we see
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: the world. Because I'm not trying to see the world
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: as she I'm hoping to see the world as we right, right, right,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: And too many times we're trying to look at the
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: world from our own POV because it's like, no, it's
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: my story, it's my experience, right right. But what if
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: we had an opportunity because a son, when I think
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: about I'm gonna tell you all this. You guys couldn't
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: guess his age number one. This is how you know
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: a man is love will the negro looks thirty three?
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: How do your son, I'm fifty fifty? That's how you
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: know a negro is love well when he's age and
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: backwards skin like cocoa butters. I want to be loving
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: that way where I don't get older, I begin to
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: get younger.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely absolutely.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: Find somebody that's going to help you age well.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: Absolutely yeah. She keeps me stress frae. And let me
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: say this, no knock to my I've been married before, Jay,
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: and I know what it was to be stressful inside
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: of a relationship. You know, I divorced my ex and
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: I have to move on because at that time we
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: just wasn't for each other. That's all it was, you know,
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: it just wasn't for each other. It was just continued
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: bigger so bicker and arguing, and I didn't want that
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: amongst my children and stuff like that.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: And so again the love.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Between the one and who said, asked me did I
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: love her? And I didn't? They came back around, so
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: it was meant to be.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Wow, Yeah, when it came back around. Were you ready?
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Man? Was I I always loved I always say I said,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I loved it. I liked this as only you know.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: She was. I always wanted to be were really always
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: wanted to be ware we were supposed to get married.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: But again she left because I said what I said.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: So let me ask you this, and I know the
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: folks in the car and listen this this, this is
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: what life is nuanced. Right.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of men at times that
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: I like what you said. I think a lot of
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: men are often not honest with their hearts. Right, I
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: sells right with their heart, right, that's true. So when
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: in your first marriage, did you always kind of have
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: a thought like about you know her my wife?
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: Now? Of course, yes, I'm not gonna say a lot
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: about that. Did I act on the thought?
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: No?
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't. Did not go outside my marriage or my ex.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Did not cheat on her with her or with my ex,
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: you know, but it was always something there between me
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: and her. But that that don't mean I didn't get
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: my marriage to try, because I did. It just wasn't
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: for me and her. You know, we just didn't We
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: just didn't have How can I say? It was just
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: wasn't cohesive. We didn't see eye to eye on things,
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: and so it just ain't worked for a lot of reasons.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know, I'm glad that you're sharing that
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: something because I have to tell people, especially when people
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: come in there, because they like that is this I said?
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: It's not black and white. No, No, there's much gray
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: in it. There's times that if men are honest, we
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: often choose right from a place that would not really Hey,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: can I say this too also too.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: We was taught in the nations, like there's certain things
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: that were never taught in coming up to slavery, and
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: the science of mating is one. Science of mating is
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: one of the things that was held away from us
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: in this science was one of the sciences. The three sciences,
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: the science of business, the science of mathematics, and the
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: science of mating. You said, we why was the science
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: and maiding? Why? Because I knew I really wanted a
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: woman that was tall also to a certain bill to
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: produce certain athletes, boys for me and stuff like that.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: And so my wife is that she's five or eleven.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I wanted tall children. And so when they
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: preat Thoroughbreds, they just don't get any type of horse. No, listen,
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: you know you listen right, they get to they get
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: certain types of horses, horses, and they bring certain horses
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: for what you know, to race, to produce this bloodline
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: and stuff like that. So that's what I really wanted.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: And my wife now was always that what I really
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: would want it and what I was really attracted.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: So so you know, the folks would be to come
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: is somebody gonna be in the come is trees talking
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: about he talked about made it and talking about we
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: ate horses this day. What you're saying a son, and
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: what I hear as men and Bishop always says to me,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: it's in the choice.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: It's in the choice. Absolutely, it's in the choice. You're
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: not gonna see certain levels of how can I say
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: of hierarchy of like if you'll clean of England they're
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: not marrying now, they're marrying equivalent. Mm hmm. So the
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: meeting process is that King of Europe or Britain, or
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: the Queen of or the Queen of Ireland gets married.
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: It's a meeting process to keep the hierarchy of and
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: so it's the same thing they do with animals. And
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: so I knew for me what I really wanted and
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: what type of children I wanted. I wanted some athletes
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: because I was always an athlete. I wanted a certain
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: type of statue. I wanted to produce a tall family.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: And so she was always kind of what I always wanted.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: She was dark skinned, That's what I wanted to as well.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: She was short haircut, That's what I wanted to as well.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: So already had exactly what I wanted in my you know,
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: for myself and a woman. What I hear is you
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: chose based on your destiny facts. And I alten here
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: bit should say, you don't marry for you today. You
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: married for your tomorrow. You married for your tomorrow. Married
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: for my tomorrow.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: And believe it or not, beautiful children, they tall, they
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: play sports, and beautiful white toy is a maid. It
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: has been it's been a blessing man to watch your
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: journey and to see you be supported by your wife
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: in what you do in the industry that is all bodies,
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: always about bodies.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: It's always as always I call it.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: You said this a long time ago, this stuff would be.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: You said, one guy was in the business because it
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: was a business of vanity. And I think you were yeh, yeah,
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: he said it was a business of vanity. Man, you're right,
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: you know, but you know.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: But that's just one entity of a relationship. You get
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. It's all it's the mental. You get
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying. So got to be mental first. You know,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: of course the physical, You're gonna be attracted to the physical.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: But then now all of a sudden, past the physical,
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: I gotta be attracted to your mental.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Got to be attracted to your mind, your mind? What
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: is on in this in this camera? I would want
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: you to what would you say to brothers death have
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: not had their moment of awakening, have not been able
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: to really find their way? What would you say to them?
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: I would say to you all out there, just keep
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: on stripping it regards what it is. If it's by
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: way of going to church, going to the moss, you know,
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: some type of spiritual teaching, keep on finding way, but
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: also to be around positive people. Honestly, that's going to
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: help you out a lot as a woman. You know,
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: I always say this, Men have to be patient. You
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: get what I'm saying. You've got to be patient with yourself.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: You've got to be ready for a woman too. So
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: you just can't say I want a woman, You're not
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: ready for a woman, feel because you just might get
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: a woman you can, especially if you're looking for a
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: wife exactly.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: So it's just a big you got You've got to
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: be ready for one.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Gotta be ready for a wife.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: And uh I would say that to them, you know
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: when as you were as you were talking and I
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: was thinking about the amount of men that haven't found
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: their way. Is that when you go on the healing journey,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: you have to be willing to lean into what is
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: going to bring out of you. Because what is going
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: to bring out of you is also what you don't need,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: but it's also what you do need to learn about
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: who you are not because most of the things that
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: are inside of us that have been planted there through
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: our upbringing and through our family. Some of that stuff. Man,
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: we don't need, but we're holding on to it, and
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: the moment that you're able to get it out, you
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: can say, listen, I know I'm not that because I
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: don't need that no more, especially for us as men,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: because we're often wrestling with all of the dogma that
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: we have been given from our neighborhood. Man, you got
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: to have a bunch of women. Man, you got to
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: do a bunch of this. And Man, if you don't
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: get that bad today, and we don't hear men telling them,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: you gotta evolved, brother, right right, You're gonna have to
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: make some changes right that if you really want to
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: move forward in life, you're going to have to turn
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: the pages in this book that you've been been reading through. Right,
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I think we don't realize how powerful a
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: change mind can be, man, until you change, That's true,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: I would.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Say that very much. So. I look at I look
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: at old pictures versus when I was out in the street,
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: versus me looking like I'm I looked at like I
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: was theren there at forty years old, at twenty years old,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: stressed out smoking weed every day, I was smoking eight
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: blunths a day.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: What eight once a.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: Day I was getting high. I was killed high, carry
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: carry the gun smoking. I look at those pictures. I
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: look so aged and stressed out, life beating me down.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I looked about forty at twenty. I look about it,
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: and I look at me today fifty, looking like I'm
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: going out thirty. You give what I'm saying. So I
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: changed mind.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: You know, it brings me to that They heal it,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: they heal it.
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: Now think about this. It brings me to the Scripture
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: where it says, let this mind being you the same
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: mind as what Christ Jesus ris Jesus. So what mind
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: do he have that God is telling you to be
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: had that same mind? You give what I'm saying. It's
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: the one of obedience. It's the want of obey, surrender.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: You give what I'm saying. And I think you have
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: to surrender yourself, meaning the negative parts of yourself. And
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: you got to give God what is his. And I think,
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: to your point what you just said, we hold on
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: to a lot of bs. You give what I'm saying,
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: like I don't have to try to be hard no more.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: I don't have to chase after ten to ten twenty
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: different women, no more. You give what I'm saying that
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: don't make me who I am. You know what makes
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: me who I am? It's responsibility. Taking care of my children.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: You know, that's what makes me who I am. You know,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: just being obedient to what needs to be done to
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: raise a family, to be a actual role model for
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: other people who look at me, and also to for
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: my children.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Man, brother, this has been amazing. I want to end
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: with this question, man, because we talk a lot about healing,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: and I love to know what healing means for everyone.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: What is healing for you? Or when you think about healing,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: what does it meaning?
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: A journey? It's a journey because regardless of whatever you
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: went through, whatever I went through, that healing doesn't happen overnight.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: It's time. It takes time, you know. Also to my
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: healing is me giving myself to others, talking about my
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: testimony to help other people who are willing to listen
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: to me, to help them in their journey, even if
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: it's business, even if it's I want to be a
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: training coach, even if it's about what I'm going what
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: I'm going through in life, I'm ready to give up.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: And that's why my hat says, no, I'll never settle.
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: And so that healing process works two ways. They got
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: to work with you introspecting yourself and also to you
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: willing to be giving yourself up to other people to
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: help them prosper, because you can't be selfish. We're all
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: here to be used. You're here to be used. I'm
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: here to be used for our guests. The main thing.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: We're not here to be misused. And so the thing
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: is I'm here to be used there. I'm here to
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: be used for my gifts before I die. And so
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: a part of that is a part of the healing
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: process for me too as well, to see others who
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: maybe started at a level ground zero and see them
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: flourished to a level nine like I did. And so
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of that as a part of the healing
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: process with me is seeing people like myself start from
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: nothing and work their way up and then look at
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: them now. And that's a part of also to the
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: wings on the shirts about starting from here and soaring
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: to another height.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: Man, listen, my brother, you have just shared not only
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: a wealthy wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: you for sharing even your experience of your pain and
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: the things that you navigated through and I love how
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: you share that not only is healing just a journey,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: but it's also the pathway of how we give back
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: to others absolutely allow them to be healed through how
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: we share our stories. Right, And what I'm hoping today
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: is that Coach her Son has shared something that you
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: can take on your healing journey. And what I love
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: about what this platform does is you're hearing from people
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: from all walks of life. This is the best trainer
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: in Houston, me the best training. He ain't best de
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: best trainer. My brother's fifty years old. And listen, go
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: check his gym out and Missouri.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: Is it in Missouri City now?
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Fifteen thousand square feet and.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Just opened up a brand new gym in Houston, Texas,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: fifteen thousand square feet. I've watched his brother train in
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: a sweaty box. Now be training and it's fifteen thousand
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: square feet. Listen.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Healing it's more than just addressing the trauma. Healing is
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: also rewriting the story. And I won't encourage you to
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: rewrite your own.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: Story like my brother Hassan did because he could have
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: stayed where he was in Patterson, New Jersey, but he
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: allowed himself to go on a journey to discover who
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: God really had him to be, and now he's blessing
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: the world through getting people healthy or helping people make
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: better choice, absolutely more importantly, helping people have a better
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: all around mental health, because physical health is connected to
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: mental health, just sir, and so I encourage you go
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: follow my brother coaching son on social media. All this
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: handles all those things to be up on this link.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: But don't forget to take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: all the things, because when your mental health is compromised,
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: you can find yourself very unstable mentally. And I want
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: to encourage you until next time. Healing is a journey
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: and wholeness is the destination. Take care of Just here
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: with Doctor J, a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And you
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: can follow me at King J. Barnett on Instagram and
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: x and follow us on YouTube. Just Heal, Doctor J.